Peter David's Blog, page 78

The Audacity of Nope

The recent debates and, more to the point, the reaction to them, have been the entirety of the GOP/Democrat dynamic in microcosm.

On the one hand, there’s the GOP. The party that launched a bold, “We don’t give a damn what you think of us” initiative in October 2010, or at least articulated it baldly enough to attract notice: Senate minority leader Mitch McConnell declaring, “The single most important thing we want to achieve is for President Obama to be a one-term president.” Not pass laws, not help the downtrodden, not serve the people. Their energies were to be devoted to preventing the president (and by extension the Democrats) from accomplishing anything. During the Bush years, any Democrat making such a statement would have been pilloried as unpatriotic and even treasonous.

Romney’s declaration that he was going to “reach across the aisle” carried with it the implication that Obama had failed to do so; a galling assertion considering that the GOP had effectively declared Obama public enemy number one. Even previously standard actions, such as raising the debt ceiling, were blocked by the GOP in order to damage Obama’s record. Using filibusters in record numbers and blocking 375 Democratic bills (including the Vision Care for Kids Act, the Veterans Training Act, and the Elder Abuse Victims Act) Republicans have not only aggressively stonewalled both the Obama administration and the needs of the electorate, but they now have the audacity to act as the peacemakers. Kind of like an abusive husband telling his wife that he promises not to beat her anymore if she’ll just avoid pissing him off.

And yet when President Obama had the opportunity to highlight this in face-to-face conflict with Romney, he backed off. When Romney spoke in smooth, conciliatory language, Obama let him off the hook. I mean, if someone’s party spends four years—four years—doing everything within their power to ignore their oaths of service and block all that you try to accomplish, that’s got to make you mad. People need to see that it makes you mad, because otherwise they assume that you’re okay with it. Or worse, afraid to stand up to it.



Biden, he got mad. He covered it in a smile and a chuckle, but there was an iron core of impatience with the crap cloaked in velvet that is the standard GOP message. Biden got into the face of not only Ryan, but the entire GOP lie and bully machine. And oooooh, did the GOP not like it. Ooooohhh, did the party that applauded Romney’s display of arrogance and rudeness suddenly turn around and accuse Biden of being arrogant and rude.

And why shouldn’t they? It broke the mold of the standard role of politics: the GOP as the bullies who control the direction of the debate—all debates—and the Democrats are supposed to be the hapless victims who take it.

This perception was deftly summed up by Aaron Sorkin in an episode of “West Wing,” entitled “Gone Quiet.” There, political operative Bruno Gianelli, doubtlessly acting as Sorkin’s mouthpiece, declares in a speech redolent with frustration for Democrats, “We all need some therapy because somebody came along and said liberal means soft on crime, soft on drugs, soft on Communism, soft on defense. And we’re going to tax you back to the stone age because people shouldn’t have to work if they don’t want to. And instead of saying ‘Well, excuse me, you right-wing reactionary, xenophobic, homophobic, anti-education, anti-choice, pro-gun Leave it to Beaver trip back to the ’50s’, we cowered in the corner and said, ‘Please. Don’t. Hurt. Me.’…”

If a Democrat gets up into the grill of the GOP…if a Democrat mirrors the GOP’s conduct…then the GOP declares they’ve been ill-used and Fox News cries foul. Meanwhile the so-called liberal media pontificates how the Democrats may have hurt themselves adopting such tactics. How dare Democrats not be punching bags? How dare Democrats act in a manner that suggests they don’t give a crap what people think of them? That’s the GOP’s job. That’s their role.

When I was in elementary school, there was a school bully named Raymond. That was his role: school bully. Everyone knew that. I attempted to fly below his radar, but one day he took notice of me and tried to attack me during recess. I put him in a headlock (a full nelson, to be specific) and that was that. But after that he went to the teacher and complained that I’d beaten him up. The teacher, displaying more wisdom than most modern pundits, simply smiled and said, “I’m sure he had a good reason.”

Romney beat up Obama. He was lauded as looking strong in doing so; even Democrats said so in polls. Biden beat up Ryan. He was condemned by pundits as looking rude in doing so, in snide commentary mixed with blatantly ageist attitudes. How dare an old man so thoroughly trash a young guy? Youth is king in this country, after all, while old is synonymous with impotence and addle-mindedness. And a CNN poll that had a disproportionate GOP skew in its sample (a fact mentioned by no one whenever the poll was quoted), indicated that Ryan had won. Why? Because Democrats are honest enough to admit when their guy came out looking weak, while the GOP will be damned if they admit the reverse.

It runs contrary to the narrative: Democrats are weak. Blame the Democrats. The GOP endeavors to sell the notion that their own obfuscation and wall-building is entirely the fault of the Democrats even though their own words (that their priority is to make Obama a one term president) and their own actions (the record number of filibusters) tilts the scale of responsibility almost entirely toward them.

The audacity of blaming their stone-walling agenda on the Democrats! To blame their 200+ filibusters on Obama, and then suddenly claim that they’re going to cooperate with the opposition…once they’ve gotten everything they wanted. It’s astounding. It’s amazing. And according to polls, it’s actually working. And why not? It’s the oldest excuse in the world: “The bitch had it coming.”

And there’s Obama, now at war with not only his own ultra-cool nature, but also the trifecta of preconceptions: He’s a President and should behave in a certain way. He’s a Democrat and should behave in a certain way. And, let’s face it, he’s black and should behave in a certain way. God forbid he should be perceived as an angry black man, because that’s threatening. As much as it would thrill a lot of people (including me) to see him go completely street on Romney’s white ass, that would play directly into the GOP’s in general (and Tea Baggers in particular) insistence on painting him as “other.”

But, to at least some degree, that’s what he has to do. He’s from Chicago; he needs to take a crash course in the Chicago Way. Last time he brought a knife to a gunfight. Hell, he brought a spork to a gunfight. As antithetical as it may be, a different approach is required.

The game has changed. When we were children, we were taught that the best way to deal with bullies was to ignore them. That training continued into adulthood. We were told that airplane passengers should cooperate with hijackers and offer no resistance. Women were told that the best way to deal with a rapist was to submit so that at least they could survive. Like it or not, the same lesson was enforced: submit to strength and let the bully win.

Those lessons have been set aside. Airplane passengers are much less likely to sit around and let hijackers decide their fate. Women are armed with mace, alarms, and take self-defense classes so they can beat the crap out of potential assailants. And Democrats…

…continue to submit. Continue to roll over. And are excoriated and condemned when they push back.

Despite the fact that Romney lied and lied and lied some more, Obama was perceived as the loser not because of the facts, but because society has outgrown the notion that bullies are to be ignored or submitted to. Bullies are to be met head on. They send one of yours to the hospital, you send one of theirs to the morgue. Romney lies through his teeth, you kick his teeth in.

And you sure as hell—you sure as hell—don’t stand there and let him blame four years of Republican obstructionism on you. You don’t let him get away with blaming you for his party being the party of No. Because that’s just too much audacity, even for Obama.

PAD

Seduction of the Innocent (the band)

Originally published February 27, 1998, in Comics Buyer’s Guide #1267

I miss Seduction of the Innocent.

Not the famous book that served to trash the entire comic book industry. I’m talking about the band.

I was reflecting on my con-going life the other day and came to the surprising realization that Seduction was a part of an amazingly large number of fond memories, both in terms of personal stunts and also things that I witnessed.

For those of you who don’t know—and it has been several years since the group played, which in comic book terms (presuming a rough turnover of four years in readership) is practically a generation—Seduction was/is a rock band composed which played such conventions as the San Diego Comic Convention and WonderCon. The group’s members include Max Allan Collins (noted mystery writer and creator of Ms. Tree and Nate Heller—and boy, wouldn’t I love to see them team up), Bill Mumy (“Lennier” of Babylon 5 who was not, despite what you may have read in People magazine, angling for the Matt LeBlanc role of Major West—although, let’s face it, given the choice, who would you rather see in the part?), Miguel Ferrer (best known as the incredibly obnoxious forensics expert, Albert, in Twin Peaks; in fact, whenever the group was about to launch into their set, the first thing they’d say is “She’s dead…wrapped in plastic”), noted comic book artist Steve Leialoha with credits too numerous to mention here, and John “Chris” Christensen whose background is primarily in the music business and who was also involved with the production of the album Xenozoic Tales (I think, I hope, and I know if I’m wrong I’ll hear from somebody about it) not to mention the Seduction’s greatest hits CD.

I might be taking a chance writing about the group; the last time I did was some years back, and it was in a column that described a falling out that they’d had with the SDCC. San Diego reps immediately wrote in to say I’d gotten it all wrong, and Seduction promptly wrote in to reply that, no, I’d gotten it exactly right. The upshot was that Seduction was eventually invited back to SDCC, although my name was mud for a while (and may still be, for all I know) in committee circles.

My own limited experience in singing in public (putting aside David Seidman and I once spontaneously bursting into selections from Aladdin and my occasional ghastly weakness for laser karaoke) has been on stage with Seduction. I swear I don’t recall whether it was Mumy’s suggestion or mine, or some bizarre blending of both, but I wound up one year singing “Secret Agent Man” and the audience seemed to get a big kick out of it.

At first I thought it was because they appreciated my song stylings, but someone came up to me moments after I left the stage and said, “Don’t quit your day job; you can’t sing.” In terms of unsolicited slams it stood as a highlight of my life, surpassed only by the woman who came up to me at Mark Gruenwald’s memorial service and said, out of the blue, “Oh, you’re Peter David? Your writing sucks.” Thanks for sharing. In any event, I was quickly disillusioned of pretensions to talent (although the advice came slightly too late in that I already had quit my day job; that’s how I became a full-time writer) and decided that the audience simply enjoyed watching me make an idiot of myself. So okay, fine. In subsequent appearances I did increasingly goofier songs, including “Monster Mash” and “The Lion Sleeps Tonight.”

But oddly enough, despite my egocentricity, those aren’t my fondest memories of Seduction.

Probably one of the best was when Seduction played at one San Diego convention during which it was Roz and Jack Kirby’s wedding anniversary. The floor cleared out as Jack and Roz took center stage and danced to the original Seduction tune, “King Jack.” Everybody loved it, and it was probably one of the most special moments of the entire convention.

“King Jack,” by the way, is one of several Seduction songs that are loving testimonials to comic book pros, the other most notable being about Julie Schwartz. Crooned by Mumy in consummate Rudy Vallee mode, the song has one line that embarrasses the heck out of Julie. I can’t really print it here, although I’ll simply mention that the lyric line talks about certain endowments and rhymes “Schwartz” with “racing horse.” You figure it out from there.

My favorite recollection of Seduction, however, was at the now-legendary Golden Apple party at the Santa Monica Pier.

Bill Liebowitz, owner of the famed Golden Apple Comics in Los Angeles, usually throws a party after the San Diego Convention. It’s well-timed, in that creators from all over the country are still in the general vicinity for a couple of days, and make it a point to attend these unofficial official post-convention activities. Nowadays the party is generally held right at the Golden Apple store and tends to spill out all over Melrose Avenue.

But some years back, Bill held the bash at the carousel building at the Santa Monica Pier. As nice as the current get-togethers are, they can’t compare to that one. One of the single greatest parties it’s ever been my fortune to attend. Absolutely everyone was there, good talk and junk food was in abundance, and Seduction was the party band, playing music to dance to and shout over.

And there was this guy there.

He was rather unassuming, really. Jeans, jacket, reasonably young looking, tufts of blondish hair sticking out from underneath a baseball cap. As the music pounded and people danced or talked or laughed, no one gave him a second look.

I spotted him immediately, having met him before, and was surprised to see him. “Are you gonna sing with the band? Tell me you’re singing with the band,” I said.

He half-grinned. “Maybe. Probably not, but we’ll see.”

Well, we saw.

At one point between songs, Mumy gestured to the guy, indicating that he should come up to where the band was playing, saying, “C’mon up, cousin.” The guy walked to the front, still not attracting any notice, and after a quick, whispered conference, the guy took the mike. The band immediately blasted straight into “Light My Fire,” and the guy started to sing.

Understand, the guys of Seduction certainly have their rock ‘n’ roll chops. No one can take that away. Mumy alone has a singing career stretching back decades, and sure, Mick Jagger isn’t losing sleep over Max Allan Collins, but Al’s no slouch.

But when this guy in the baseball cap started singing, something changed.

His voice was deep and strong, as finely tuned an instrument in and of itself as anything that the band was playing. The song began to build, his delivery increasing in power and intensity. And the dancers and other people in the place began to sense it, sense that something had changed. The quality of what they had been hearing from the band, as good as it was, had suddenly just jumped exponentially. This guy wasn’t singing like a rock singer. He had the pipes of a rock star.

People on the dance floor began to slow down, coming almost to a stop, as they simply listened. People who had been standing outside the carousel building started to come in, checking out the surprising change in the band’s sound. I heard people nearby saying, “Who the hell is that?!” I just stood there, grinning, because I knew.

And as the blond guy built to one final crescendo of “Come on baby, light my fiiiiire!” his voice was so powerful that he practically blew out the back wall of the carousel building. The place erupted in applause, cheers. No one quite knew what had happened; they only knew that it was really cool.

The blond guy shook Mumy’s hand, took a quick bow, and very quietly faded back into the crowd, leaving a puzzled but happy crowd aware that something special had just happened, but they weren’t sure what. Nobody followed him and nobody mobbed him, which was fortunate since he’d certainly been through that enough in his life.

One can’t blame the party-goers for being confused. After all, in the 1970s, the only way you could hear the guy was either to buy his records or to get tickets to one of his concerts. What reason did the folks at the Golden Apple party have to suspect that Shaun Cassidy would show up at the Santa Monica pier and jam with Seduction? They didn’t know he was a pal of Mumy’s and would put in an unannounced and unexpected appearance.

Boy, I wish American Gothic had lasted. What a cool show that was.

In any event, it’s been a few years since Seduction made an appearance. Me, I’d really like to see the group get back together again. Be nice to see them back in action, maybe with some new songs. I don’t expect Cassidy to show up again—that’s kind of a once-in-a-lifetime thing—but you never know what the guys might produce next. I just think it’d be a kick, and I hope that it happens.

And if it does, I promise I won’t sing. Well… maybe I’ll stand in the back and hum.

(Peter David, writer of stuff, can be written to at Second Age, Inc., PO Box 239, Bayport, NY 11705. He wants to mention that Backlash: Oblivion II, will be airing on Cinemax this month. Backlash is the impossible-to-find-at-video-rental-places sequel to the science fiction western Oblivion, and aside from the fact that he wrote it, it also features the screen debut of his father, uttering his immortal line, “I think I’ll come back later.”)

Live Blogging the VP debate

Will be starting right here at 9 PM.

PAD

9:02–Explain the rules right before they go out the window.

9:03–The whole blue/red tie thing is getting repetitive.

9:04–Biden going immediately on the attack, which is good because the first question was designed to put him on the defensive. Anyone who had 9:05 in the bin Laden pool, please turn in your stubs.

9:06–Biden’s grin seems to speak volumes. Let’s see what words then come out of his mouth.

9:07–Whoa. I like that she’s getting up in his grill about Romney tone-deafness.

9:08–Biden’s doing what everyone said that Obama should have done.

9:10–She is NOT going to let them say that she was pushed around like Lehrer was.

9:16–”My friend.” He doesn’t want to say Ryan’s name; he doesn’t want to address him by his title; but he doesn’t want to sound belittling. So he says “My friend” to sound friendly but simultaneously undercut him.

9:17–Martha’s trying to pin down Ryan on how he’d change the situation and of course he can’t.

9:19–”A bunch of stuff.” That’s going to stick.

9:20–”Facts matter” is another one.

9:21–I’m not trying to sound partisan, but oh my God, Biden’s slamming it so far.

9:22–”I could be mistaken. He changes his mind so often, I could be wrong.” Biden is way ahead on quotable. But now we’re moving onto economy. This could be Ryan’s chance to take the reins.

9:24–Biden’s saying all the things that Obama should have said.

9:25–Biden is speaking entirely from emotion. If Ryan takes refuge in wonk numbers, he’s in trouble. He needs to match Biden’s passion.

9:26–Ryan wisely tries to go for the small person, Romney’s a great guy angle. Smart.

9:28–Okay, good one for Ryan, about words not coming out the right way. But his comeback of “I say what I mean” isn’t bad. Still, it’s Ryan’s first memorable line of the evening.

9:29–Smart move by Biden to say he’s not refuting Romney’s personal conscience.

9:31–Oh, Ryan’s in trouble. He’s trying to talk around something that makes him come across as a hypocrite. Rewording it doesn’t change it.

9:33–God, I hope Obama’s taking notes.

9:34–Ryan is insanely vulnerable over the lies he and Romney have been spreading. Let’s see if Biden goes after him the way Obama didn’t after Romney.

9:36–See, why didn’t Obama point out what Biden’s doing right now? Now say that they’re lying.

9:37–”I know you’re under a lot of duress?” Biden actually seems not the least bit bothered by anything.

9:40–It’s like watching Colbert’s “The Word.” Ryan says stuff and Biden undercuts it.

9:41–Biden keeps interrupting to try and throw Ryan off his game. I think he’s trying to push him into losing his temper. Which would be death. Biden’s walking a thin line.

9:43–The GOP is going to scream that Biden was being disrespectful of Ryan. Guaranteed.

9:44–Martha needs a gavel.

9:45–Tax talk. This is where they both need to watch it on stats.

9:48–Uh oh. Ryan’s wonking out.

9:49–THIS should be interesting.

9:50–”But no specifics again.” Ouch.

9:50–”I was there.” That’s where Biden can kill you.

9:52–”Now you’re Jack Kennedy.”

9:52–Fight! Fight! Lucy and Snoopy are having a fight!

9:53–I love all the talk about “reaching across the aisle” when the GOP made it clear years ago that all they were going to do was try and stop Obama from accomplishing anything.

9:54–I like how Biden slows down and says sentences with periods after every word when he wants to emphasize.

9:58–Interestingly, this is a subject where both Biden and Ryan sound like they’re making sense.

10:00–If you want the troops to come home, them bring them home. In this case, it almost sounds that Ryan and Biden are actually in agreement; Ryan is just trying to make it sound like they’re not.

10:04–Biden is consistently coming across as more presidential than Obama. People might start taking Biden seriously as a candidate in 2016.

10:06–Say “Afghans to do the job!” a third time! Like Beetlejuice: three times and they show up.

10:10–Whew. Biden woke up.

10:11–Uh oh. Ryan acknowledged Obama was right about something. Big mistake.

10:14–Oooo. Religious question. Abortion. Holy crap.

10:15–This is the third rail question of the evening.

10:16–Ryan is talking carefully, but he’s playing to his audience by essentially saying that Obama/Biden are anti-religion. But Biden, wisely, isn’t smiling.

10:17–”But I refuse to impose my beliefs on others.” Perfect.

10:21–Biden only needs to not trip over himself for another nine minutes.

10:23–Wish that Biden hadn’t gone negative in answering a question about going negative. Don’t think that helped.

10:24–Aaaaaand Ryan is making the same mistake. But worse. Biden left himself open by going negative and Ryan could have called him on it. Instead he’s getting even MORE negative.

10:26–Ryan never answered the question at ALL. At least Biden addressed it.

10:27–Okay, this is a basic job interview question. What’s unique about you? Ryan’s response that lots of people could do it. Yeah, that was brilliant. Let’s see what Biden says.

10:28–Biden did better.

10:29–I am really tempted to put on Fox right now to see how they spin this, because there is NO doubt that Biden won this. None. At all. He did what you’re supposed to do: controlled the debate.

10:30–Nice touch that Ryan thanked Biden.

Place your order now for YOUNG JUSTICE scripts

I’m trying to determine how many copies of scripts for the animated YJ series I should bring along to sell at NYCC. So I’m giving people a chance to advance order. I’d prefer if you placed it at the comments section of my website at peterdavid.net so it’s all in one place.

Please tell me, right here in this space, if you will be interested in purchasing (for $20) any of the following YJ episodes

Season 1: SECRETS

It’s Halloween. Artemis and Zatanna are in Manhattan for a girls’ night out. There, they encounter the deadly Harm, who has a secret.

Season 1: INSECURITY

Red Arrow’s return undercuts Artemis’ confidence, while the team’s mission to track down Sportsmaster threatens to expose her darkest secrets.

Season 2: BLOODLINES

The arrival of Impulse triggers a situation that involves multi-generations of Flash

PAD

My Schedule for NYCC

It is with a certain degree of weary resignation that I post my schedule for New York Comic Con. Why? Because I’m putting it up on my website…and cross posting to Twitter…and Facebook…and I could take out full page ads in all three major NY newspapers and buy commercial time on the debut of “Arrow” and I know the most repeated refrain I’m going to hear from my fans is, “I looked ALL OVER and couldn’t find Peter David ANYwhere.” Yeah, that’s me; I’m the damned Shadow.

My table is at Artist’s Alley, over in the North Plaza, table BB1. That is for the most part where I will be when I’m not on panels. I will not be attending Thursday. Friday morning I will be in meetings and not available.

Friday

12:15 – 1:15: Marvel Now! All New X-Men – 1E07

2-3 PM: Marvel booth signing

3 – 4 Marvel Prose novels panel – 1A21

Saturday

3-4 Stan Lee’s World of Heroes – 1E13

4-5 Marvel booth signing

Sunday

11-12: Marvel booth signing

PAD

Half a Million

Originally published February 20, 1998,  in Comics Buyer’s Guide #1266

“Only half a million copies.”

It was some years back, during the pinnacle of the sales boom for comic books. There was an editor walking around the offices at Marvel Comics, and he was sorely distressed, angry and disappointed.

You may ask, Why was he so angry?

Go ahead. Ask.

I’m not going to tell you unless you ask. Come on. Say it out loud. Say it with me: Why was he so angry?

(Having learned your lesson from last week’s column, I can only assume that you have very wisely said out loud, “Why was he so angry?” thereby getting some rather odd looks from anyone who might be nearby you. Don’t worry about them. They’re probably working for the Starr Chamber, trying to determine whether or not you had an affair with Bill Clinton. Just glance their way, nod, smile, and make no sudden movements, and you should be fine. Where was I? Ah yes.)

Marvel had just gotten in the solicitation numbers on some new Punisher title. Might have been the first issue of a limited series, or perhaps it was Punisher’s Technical Journal or Punisher’s Weapons Manual or Punisher’s Connect-the-Blood-Splatter Fun Book or whatever. Point is, it was a Punisher book.

The editor was upset and disappointed because the numbers had only come in at half a million copies. Those of us with any memory for the Way Things Used to Be were somewhat flabbergasted. Only half a million? Only? When I first started in the Marvel sales department, the X-Men titles were the absolute crème de la crème of Marvel as far as sales were concerned. Indeed, they were the industry gold standard, the number against which Capital City constructed their entire ordering index. If you ordered 100 X-Men, then you were expected to order proportionately on all other titles, for both Marvel and DC. And even at that giddy high-point, X-Men sold way less than half a million.

But we had reached a point where sales of half a mill on what many considered a second-tier title (albeit one of the stronger ones) was expected to perform better than Marvel’s gold standard.

It was at that moment that I knew we were in serious trouble. That one moment that told me expectations for what comics could do, sales-wise, had spiraled out of the stratosphere.

I am something of a pessimist by nature. It’s a safer way to be, really. If you’re an optimist, you’re perpetually disappointed when things don’t pan out and, consequently, can only hope that things will be better next time. But as a pessimist, you’re covered both ways. If things don’t work out, then you expected it, and are satisfied to be right. But if things do work out, then you’re pleasantly surprised. It’s a no-lose situation, really.

Upon hearing of that editor’s pronouncement, I immediately thought to myself, “This isn’t going to last. It can’t last. That’s not a healthy attitude to have, and it’s going to come back to bite everyone.” Which is indeed exactly what happened.

And now sales are dropping and continue to drop across the board, and everyone is wondering when, or if, it’s going to level off. The thing I hear the most discussion about is how we have such a dwindling audience.

I’m not so sure about that.

I don’t think we ever had a particularly large audience.

What we did have was an audience which was willing to spend X amount of dollars for Y amount of entertainment. Yes, we had an influx of collectors who then vanished as well, but in some respects the field of comics collecting is somewhat like Oz: People tend to come and go quickly here.

The thing is, we (that is, the publishers and creators) don’t sell books to readers. A lot of people forget that. We sell books to distributors—well, distributor, in the case of the ID market. And the distributor sells them to the retailers, and it’s the retailers who get them to the fans.

Has anyone noticed that the downward spiral of sales is directly related to the shrinking of the number of distributors? I think a lot of people have forgotten just how much care and feeding of retailers, on an individual and regional basis, was required for the direct market to really thrive. America loves big things, the bigger the better, and we tend to regard small as useless and less than impressive.

But the bottom line is that we were doing a hell of a lot better as a whole in terms of market growth when we had a lot of smaller distributors, each sparring with each other and competing for sales, than we are now. I’m saying that the personal touch, which is simply impossible for one large distributor to replicate no matter how hard it tries, might have had more to do with the health of this industry than we previously thought. It meant that the needs of individual retailers could be met and attended to, that reorders were easier to come by, that obtaining books was far easier. Now everyone is treated in the same monolithic fashion, and that can become both problematic and unfeasible.

I used to have four comic book shops in my immediate area. Now I have none. The audience may very well still be there, but with no convenient place to pick up their books, there’s no way for them to continue with the hobby. The last to go, a store called “Destiny Comics” (ironically appropriate) closed up shop when the store owner literally could not afford to stay in business. Shipping costs and decreased discounts had so eaten into his profit margin that remaining afloat wasn’t feasible.

Small doesn’t work anymore. Subtle doesn’t fly. Books such as Bone or Sandman, if launched in today’s market, might close up shop after just a few issues, unable to deliver what the publishers are looking for.

And what are the publishers looking for?

Whammies.

Not my term. It’s a movie-making slang referring to big action moments: Explosions, mostly, or at least explosive moments. One movie maker said that what he looked for in the scripts he directs are a series of whammies, followed by bigger whammies, and then one big gigantic whammy, and then roll the credits. He didn’t care about plot, characterization, or anything else. Just whammies.

I think to a certain extent it’s the mindset that’s been fostered in comics as well. Rather than seeing the audience down slide as a result of economics, hampered distribution, and lack of outlets (to say nothing of the huge price tags most books carry now), the publishers feel that it’s solely because comics aren’t being loud enough. Big enough. Big is all that matters. If you don’t have half a million sales, you’re a failure. You need more whammies.

Kill the character. Blow the character up. Bring him back. Make more of him. Change him beyond recognition. This is what matters. This is what sells.

Except it isn’t, is it?

The events get bigger, the crossovers get more cross, and in the meantime, sales are dropping off. If a whammy goes off in a forest and no one is around to hear it, was there a whammy?

How to jack up sales, you wonder. How to make the bigger explosion. Find the big whammy. What magic spell must be cast in order to lure back the readers—the readers whose stores have closed so they can’t find the books anymore. Those readers. The readers who are shell shocked by whammies.

Those readers. The readers who perhaps feel so overwhelmed when all books tie together, because they can’t afford all the books, and so give up and walk away. Americans are an arbitrary lot and don’t like being told what to do, and if they feel they are under an onus to purchase certain titles, they will reflexively stop. They buy because they want to, not because they are told to.

What do we do, then?

Nothing.

That’s right. Nothing.

Enough with the whammies. Enough with the big events. We’re caught in a downward spiral of can-you-top-this. It’s like all the revelations about Clinton’s sex life as investigators come up with one thing after another. And Americans are saying, “The hell with it, I don’t care.” America’s apparently insatiable appetite for scandal has apparently, suddenly, been sated. We’re tired of finding out that everyone is flawed. We know that. The point is made.

Same thing with comics. Enough already with the cosmic crossovers and whammies. Live with the smaller stories and the smaller sales. How will sales turn around? They probably won’t, not for a long time. Not until there’s more stores, or more outlets for comics. If there’s no place to sell them, then there’s no one to order them. If there’s no one to order them, sales don’t go up. This isn’t brain surgery here. And increased whammies just cause readers to clap their hands over their ears and say, “La la la, I’m not listening.”

And by the way, that director who believes in whammies? His last couple of films tanked.

(Peter David, writer of stuff, can be written to at Second Age, Inc., PO Box 239, Bayport, NY 11705. His new heroes are Tom Brevoort and Len Kaminski who, in a single panel in the upcoming Marvel 2099 one-shot, undid all the stuff that he hated in the last two issues of Spider-Man 2099.)

 

Obama Wrote Me. I Wrote Back.

I received the following email today from Barack Obama. Apparently we’re on a first name basis: He calls me “Peter” and signs his “Barack.” Which is kind of weird because if I met him I somehow can’t see me calling him “Mr. President” and him saying, “Please, call me Barack.”

In any event, this was the letter:



This is in your hands, Peter

Peter –

There have been many times in my life when I’ve been counted out — told that I couldn’t do it, told not to speak out for what I believe in, told to not even run in the first place.

I’ve only gotten this far because I’ve had people like you with me every step of the way.

Right now the other side is trying to obliterate the hard work we’ve put in on the ground in this campaign by flooding the airwaves with factually inaccurate, negative attack ads.

If they win, they’re going to dismantle everything we’ve accomplished together over the past three and a half years, and turn back the clock to the same failed policies that got us into this mess in the first place.

We cannot let that happen. Please donate $3 or more today:

Thanks. It means a lot to know you’ve got my back.

Barack

And because I was in a mood, I responded thusly:

Dear Mr. President:

With all respect–and I know you won’t read this–it’s not my job to have your back. It’s your job to have the backs of millions of people. People who are counting on you. People whose health and in many cases lives are hinging upon your reelection.

Yes, I’m aware that in the debate, you won on the facts. And in 1960, Nixon won on the facts (at least to anyone who was listening on the radio.) But being on television demands other characteristics upon which many Americans base their judgments. Romney had it. You did not. Granted, Romney had much less to lose than you did, but you can’t stand there and appear that you’re afraid of losing.

The fact is that more people are like George W. Bush than anyone wants to admit. They judge not based on fact, but on their gut. No one, not even your most ardent supporters, could watch the way you handled yourself and have a good feeling in their guts about it.

I’m fully aware that debating Romney is like falling into the middle of the Monty Python “Argument Clinic” sketch. “You’re lying!” “No, I’m not.” You need to realize what Romney is: he’s a bully. A bully needs to be stripped of his power, and the best way to deal with the bully that Mitt Romney is is to laugh at him. Don’t take him seriously. Explicitly state that it’s hard to keep a straight face debating with him because he’s so ridiculous. Treat him like a joke. Tear him apart. Reduce him to a punchline. Because that’s what we need you to do.

Have our back.

Very truly yours,

Peter David

‘Technical’ Difficulties

Originally published February 13, 1998, in Comics Buyer’s Guide #1265

“Only half a million copies.”

It was some years back, during the pinnacle of the sales boom for comic books. There was an editor walking around the offices at Marvel Comics, and he was sorely distressed, angry and disappointed. You may ask, Why was he so angry?

Go ahead. Ask.

I’m not going to tell you unless you ask. Come on. Say it out loud. Say it with me: Why was he so angry?

You didn’t say it, did you? I’m not kidding now. Together: Why. Was. He. So. Angry?

(It’s amazing how punchy this column can get when I produce one after, say, finishing a Star Trek novel, dialoguing half an issue of Hulk, and plotting Aquaman, all within a fifteen hour period operating on three hour’s sleep. But I… something or other, I forget.)

You know what? I bet you didn’t say it out loud. After all that, you still didn’t say out loud, “Why was he so angry?” Not the slightest bit of effort did you invest in this discussion. Okay. Okay, fine. You’re going to be that way, I’m going to play hardball too. You’re going to have to wait until next week to find out why the editor at Marvel Comics was so angry, and why he’s probably long gone by now, and how to write a guaranteed bestselling comic. Because you wouldn’t play along when I just wanted to have some fun.

Instead I’m going to tell you stuff I noticed in the Star Trek: The Next Generation Technical Manual.

This would be the official, accept-no-substitute item by Rick Sternbach and Michael Okuda. Mike Okuda, by the way, is a certifiable genius. Or at the very least certifiable. Mike has been a tremendous help on any number of occasions in the years that I’ve been producing Star Trek novels, and he is one of the unsung heroes of the art of plotting episodes in that he is the foremost master of technobabble in the entire civilized world. It’s incredible. I mean, you think the Klingon language is impressive? That’s nothing! Mike comes up with this stuff, it’s unbelievable.

Example: I was working on a Deep Space Nine novel called The Siege. The title alone of that one is a bizarre enough story: Pocket Books wanted to have an original DS9 novel (the first!) on the stands barely a month or two after the series hit the air, and I was the author they approached about it. In the same conversation during which then-editor Kevin Ryan signed me on to the book, he also informed me that the title was going to be The Siege. When I asked why, he told me that they’d already solicited the book and come up with a title so they’d have something to put on the book, but no one had any clue (including me) as to what the thing would be about. “You can do whatever you want with the story,” he said, “but just be sure there’s a siege in it.” The story in fact had nothing to do with a siege, but I shoehorned in a mention of one and everyone was happy. I got revenge a few years later, though, when Pocket approached me about writing the first Voyager novel. I told them I needed time to make up my mind, and they said, “Okay, fine, but while you’re making up your mind, we need a title for solicitation.” So I figured that if I went for something really specific, like The MegaBabes of Plexi 3, that would hog-tie the writer—which would be really unfair in case it wasn’t me. I needed something exciting but vague. So I said, “Well, chances are that they’ll be trapped at some point or other, and they’ll have to escape from whatever predicament they’re in, so call it The Escape.” And I wound up not writing it because I was somewhat underwhelmed by Voyager and decided to pass up writing the novel, and another writer wound up writing the first Voyager novel which carried my title, but nothing else by me. (I haven’t read it, but I understand that it doesn’t feature an escape anywhere in the book. Ah well.)

4rce85ftgbvynui mol

Excuse me. I slumped forward and my head hit the keyboard. I’ve just got to do something about these twenty-one-hour work days.

So, at any rate, while I was working on The Siege, I had a plot point that needed attending to. So I called up Mike and I said, “Mike, the plot for my book requires that something happens to the Bajoran wormhole that renders it useless for a period of time—say, a few days. No one can go in or out because otherwise Something Bad Happens. It’s not something that’s done to the wormhole by bad guys or anything; it has to be something natural, the wormhole equivalent of sunspots or something.”

And Mike said, “Say that the wormhole is undergoing subspace compression.”

I said, “Ahhh. Subspace compression. And what would that be?”

“I have no idea,” said Mike. “It’s whatever you want it to be.”

Genius. I love Mike. He views the Trek universe like no one else does.

Where was I? Oh yeah. Technical manual.

In the Star Trek: New Frontier novel I was working on, I was setting an extensive sequence in and around the warp core. Since I wanted to make sure that everything was just right, not only did I consult with Mike on a couple of points, but I also diligently read the tech manual. And I started noticing stuff. Stuff that is so loopy that it borders on the subversive.

For instance, on pages 59-60, it discusses in very serious, highly technical terms, the workings of the matter/antimatter reaction chamber. Get this:

The equatorial band of the chamber contains the housing for the dilithium crystal articulation frame (DCAF). An armored hatch allows access to the DCAF for crystal replacement and adjustment. The DCAF consists of an EM-isolated cradle to hold approximately 1200 cm (cubed) of dilithium crystal, plus two redundant sets of three-axis crystal orientation linkages. The crystal must be manipulated with six degrees of freedom to achieve the proper angles for reaction mediation.

Now as you’re reading through all that gobbleygook, you find yourself looking at diagram 5.2.4 which displays the matter/antimatter reaction injectors. And it looks real familiar, an inverted pyramid. Bears a resemblance to the Apollo capsules, but there’s something else. And suddenly it hits you. It looks like a coffee filter. And the whole thing keeps talking about crystals. Dilithium, granted, not Folgers, but even so…

And look at the clincher: The Dilithium Crystal Articulation Frame? DCAF? The ship runs on Decaf? Now maybe I’m reading too much into this, but I don’t think so. I think the tech manual is basically saying that the whole damned Enterprise is powered via a gigantic Mr. Coffee. It would certainly explain why, particularly in original Trek, they were so coffee-happy. Now we know where they got it from: They just poured cups directly out of the engines. Boy oh boy, that’ll wake you up in the morning, huh?

But that’s nothing compared to page 146, where they discuss Waste Management. Under “Water and Sewage Recycling,” we are informed:

Each crew member aboard the Enterprise typically generates approximately 52 liters of wastewater and sewage per day. This wastewater is pumped to treatment and recycling units. Preliminary treatment is accomplished by a series of mechanical filtration processes that remove solids and particulates. (The residue is conveyed to the organic waste processing system for further treatment and recycling.) Osmotic and electrolytic fractioning is then employed to remove dissolved and microscopic contaminants for treatment and recycling. The resulting water is superheated to 150 degree C for biological sterilization before being subjected to a final mechanical filtration stage, then it is returned to one of several freshwater storage tanks for reuse.

The various waste sludges recovered from the water recycling processes are a valuable resource. The organic waste processing system subjects the sludge to a series of sterilizing heat and radiation treatments. The waste is then electrolytically reprocessed into an organic particulate suspension that serves as the raw material for the food synthesizer systems. Remaining byproducts are conveyed to the solid waste processing system for matter replication recycling.

Aw, man!

If I’m reading this right, then what they’re saying is that they eat and drink their own bodily waste.

Aw, man!

I mean, yuck! I know it’s been reprocessed, I know it’s been treated, but yuck! Just think of all the off-hand comments and terms that take on new meaning.

The mess hall. Literally.

Or if somebody’s sitting there in the mess hall and they don’t like the taste of the food, they say, “Aw man, this tastes like crap! What kinda crap is this?”

Does anyone bother to wash their hands after relieving themselves because, y’know, what’s the point, they’ll just be eating it again in the next day or so.

And boy, Commander Riker being Number One? Yeesh. Makes you sorry for Commander Data, a.k.a. Number Two.

And just imagine someone getting up after a snack on the Enterprise, wearing the kind of wide smile generally referred to as “a shit-eating grin.”

Or if one angry crewmember says to another, “Eat shit and die!” well, heck, you’re halfway there.

It even explains why the Tribbles multiplied so quickly after consuming the food on the Enterprise, including Kirk’s chicken sandwich and coffee (and God only knows where that came from). It was as if they were being spread with fertilizer.

It even explains why so many episodes of Trek have left you with a bad taste in your mouth. I mean, you think Soylent Green being people was bad? That’s nothing compared to what’s in the tuna surprise on your average starship.

Hey, don’t get mad at me! It’s one in the morning, my brain’s going in weird directions, and besides, I’m not the one who came up with the idea! I just pointed it out, that’s all! Don’t shoot the messenger. Besides, I don’t have to take any crap from you. I could always join Starfleet for that.

(Peter David, writer of stuff, is going to sleep now.)

 

Debate the First 2012 Election

We are about two minutes from the beginning of the coverage of the debate.

I am currently on ABC where I am going to try to watch but if we have commentary by the news people, I am changing the channel.

Now I am saying this Here and Now. I don’t care what your political affiliations. You can argue positions but name calling will get your comments either de-voweled or deleted.

9:02 Presidental Gladiators? ABC not the best choice of words.

9:03 Fact checker> I am going else where

9:04 OK, now we are talking 6 fifteen segments. 3 Economy, Healthcare, Government, and ?

(:05 And here come the candidates. Romeny in red tie and Obama in blue

9:06 New Jobs is up but first Obama’s anniversary

9:08 Romney made a joke that was funny

9:10 Obama nothing new there. Romney is actually presenting some points. Small business started? How? Not very convincing.

9:11 Education OK. Taxes down but close loopholes so it can be american jobs. Making oil an issue. Aaaand we are onto the deficits and the rich

9:13 “Middle Class” do a shot

9:13 Romney is back-peddling on what he has said on taxes. He is trying to pull the middle class and the costs of things. HOW How do you balance the budget Mr. Romney? Wave a magic wand? He has been well prepared.

9:15 So we are going to burn coal? Are you Crazy? More Oil? Where? Alaska? How? And the Canadian pipeline is not a good idea with the current technology.

9:16 So I think I would have done about 10 shots by now just on the words “Middle Class”

9:17 Romney is texting? What is he looking at? He’s texting.

9:18 I will not is said a lot but what would you DO. And he brings in the kids into it. There’s a sound byte that he was taught

9:20 Is Obama texting? What is he looking at? Do they have their smart phones with them?

9:20 Obama pulls out the flip-fop Romney challenge. Asking for specifics Romney still dances around it.

9:21 There’s the Ghost of Clinton

9:22 AND we are back to education

I was behind the feed but am back on the live feed. Sorry folks the times will sync here.

9:24 The Ghost of Clinton again

9:24 Romney won’t let this go. What the F8ck IS your PLAN!>?!?!?! Now he is pounding on talking points he has been rehearsing. Get in there moderator

9:26 Deficit talk How to get rid of it Let’s see if anything comes out of this

9:26 Moral Issue? Moral Issue? WTF

9:27 Getting rid of PBS and Healthcare? States will have to pay more. So he would move the deficit from federal to state and call that a balanced budget?

9:29 Obama telling what he has done so far. OK Obama is doing math that people can do and these are specifics rather than generalizations. Unbalanced is a good word for this.

9:31 Romney does not like Simpson/Bowls. OH these were the zingers that he has been practicing. He is stuttering not a sign of truth.

9:34 Spain? We are now Spain?

9:35 Bringing in Big Oil and the subsidies. No breaks for corporate jets. Obama giving specifics. AAAANd we are back to education and homey stories. Medicaid to the states is not a good idea on every level

9:37 Romney is really pushing it here and trying to justify. Green energy. Pick the losers? Romney on the attack but not doing the best job.

9:40 3rd segment on Entitlements starting with Social Security

9:41 Homey story yet again. Obama just answer the question rather than your talking points. Entitlements is a hot button word.

9:42 And Romney back-peddles yet again. Oh wait Romney has one of his zingers

9:43 Bring up the cuts? they aren’t CUTS.

9:45 Go for it Obama! Explain what Romney has said on his OWN platform. We are talking vouchers in healthcare.

9:47 Romney is trying to put this spin on this that just doesn’t work. How is this going to fit into the budget? Two systems at the same time?

9:49 Moderator get control of this!

9:50 Federal Regulation of the Economy. Romney trying to keep on his talking points. Moderator trying to take control.

9:52 Bush’s watch was responsible for the bank failure.

9:53 Wall Street reforms that were put into place. Good use of the word “bet”.

9:54 Too Big to Fail was BUSH not Obama

9:55 Now we are onto health care. Affordable healthcare.

9:56 Aaaand we are into folkies stories again. We get it, you both talk to people. Aaand we are back to the medicare again.

9:58 Preexsisting condition. I know entirely too many people who got screwed over on that by the insurance companies. Obama presenting his policies again. Ah ha there is the previous Romney point.

10:01 that is because the republicans wouldn’t play ball !!!! All they did the entire time was block anything Obama wanted to do.

10:03 I don’t think Romney will reach across the aisle.

10:04 Performance base pay? Not going to fly really. Look at schools.

10:06 What was that?

10:07 Aannnd he is still not answering what he would do. Romney had avoided saying anything that he WOULD do just what he would not.

10:09 Obama going on the lack of details which is a good move.

10:11 Moderator get in there and take it over. Romney is bring out the ghost of Reagan. The problem is that no one would do what Tip and Ronnie did back them because of the political fighting

10:13 how one views the federal government

10:13 Obama first. Government in education and getting teachers skilled

10:16 so Romney loved teachers but again he is giving the cost of the states. He will balance the budget on the backs of the states.

10:16 Oh this is SO rehearsed and sound byte.He has been waiting for this the whole evening

10:17 State and local level yet again. Again no specifics. And school of choice (vouchers) Education is needed to create workers no argument.

10:20 Getting training programs in place federal support. College affordable although it is not. Obama brings up Romney’s idea to get money from parents.

!0:23 What the hack does this have to do with education? He is all over the map.

(Note Ariel says “Romney’s tie is crooked. It’s symbolic”)

10:24 Romney keeps harping on things that Obama did at the beginning of his presidency until the Republican caucus told him that he will never win.

10:26 He brought Benladen into it Which is the next debate.

Closing Statements

Obama’s remarks: And we are back to homey stories. OK we get it y’all are both folksy. OK now we are talking points rich.

Romney: (kath: I Glad that I didn’t use the word America in the drinking game) he is not saying what he would doing but what he says Obama is doing wrong. Nothing solid. He believes in fairy dust and pixies will make things better.

Was Romney giving his masters signals with morse code? He was blinking like an owl in daylight

Honestly I don’t think I learned anything that I didn’t know before. Not many sound bites there.

Live Blogging the Debate Tonight

Since I’ve got my bowling league tonight, Kathleen will step in and make observations on both our behalves. Swing by!

PAD