Anthony McIntyre's Blog, page 1222

‘Witness Evidence Bizarre And Unreliable ’ ➞ Lord Justice Colton

Eamon Sweeney with the last in a series of three reports on the findings into the British Army's 1972 slaying of Derry teenager, Manus Deery. Solicitor for the Deery family Richard Campbell pictured outside Bishop Street court in Derry on Monday.
In delivering his final verdict into the killing of Manus Deery, Lord Justice Adrian Colton recorded that the oral evidence given by one witness was “so inconsistent and contradictory” that it was of no value to the case.
Mr Colton was referring to the oral submission given at Derry Courthouse last year by civilian witness Noel Duddy. In the written judgement delivered by the Presiding Coroner it is noted that Mr Duddy claimed to have witnessed the shooting of Manus Deery and gave a statement to the Coroners Service on June 17, 2016 stating he vividly remembered the victim making a hand gesture towards the Army observation post on the city walls as if to shoot soldiers and that Manus may have been carrying a stick that could have, at a distance, been mistaken for a firearm.
However, in another statement given just a few weeks later on July 6, 2016 Noel Duddy indicated that he had not seen any guns in the area at the time. And in another contradiction in a statement on October 17, 2016, the witness said that he could not be certain about his previous assertion that Manus had anything in his hands when he was struck by the fatal round.
And, when he took the stand during the inquest Noel Duddy said that his memory was suspect and that no reliance could be placed on the earlier suggestion that Manus had been gesturing towards the soldiers or that he had been carrying a stick.
Whilst Lord Justice Colton was entirely praiseworthy of the input to the inquest given by all other civilian witnesses, with relation to Noel Duddy he recorded:

Mr Duddy’s intervention in this inquest was most bizarre. Not a single civilian witness who gave evidence in this case said that they saw Mr Duddy at the scene when they were asked about this in the course of their evidence. At the end of the evidence it was accepted by all the legal representatives in this case that his evidence was so inconsistent and contradictory that it is of no value at all in this inquest. I agree.

Radio Free Eireann Broadcasting 16 April 2017

Martin Galvin with news of Radio Free Eireann's output this Easter weekend.


The Good Friday Amnesty march by British Army vets in Belfast City Centre against prosecutions for Bloody Sunday, the Ballymurphy Massacre or other murders, and Saoradh's counter demonstration in support of crown victims, will be discussed by Saoradh representative, Joe Barr.

Award winning journalist and author Ed Moloney will analyze the BBC Panorama program "The Spy in the IRA" about British agent Freddie Scappaticci called the most important British spy since World War 2.

Go to Radio Free Eireann's web site rfe123.orgfor written transcripts of last week's headline making interviews with Ruan O'Donnell on America's Irish Fenian exiles and the 1916 Easter Rising and why some commemorations seem more concerned with not offending the British than honoring Irish patriots; plus author Eileen Markey on her book, Radical Faith: The Assassination of Sr Maura: , the life of Maura Clarke from the Rockaway Irish Community and daughter of an IRA Volunteer in the War of Independence to being murdered by an El Salvador death squad in 1980.

In response to listener requests we are attaching a flyer about Professor O'Donnell's New York area appearance in the Bronx on Wednesday April 19th.



John McDonagh and Martin Galvin co- host.

Radio Free Eireann is heard Saturdays at 12 Noon New York time on wbai 99.5 FM and wbai.org.

It can be heard at wbai.org in Ireland from 5pm to 6pm or anytime after the program concludes on wbai.org/archives.

Check our website rfe123.org.

Gifford-Plunkett Society Armagh Commemorations

1916 Society commemorative events this weekend.

The Gifford/Plunkett 1916 Society, Armagh City, will be hosting wreath laying ceremonies on Saturday 15th April (6.30pm) at the graveside of Volunteer Gerard O’ Callaghan in Tullysaran and on Sunday April 16th (12pm) at the graveside of Volunteers Seamus and Dessie Grew in Armagh City.

All welcome and for more information contact the Gifford/Plunkett Society on their Facebook Page or contact our National Organiser via email at: info@1916societies.com.

If ‘Normal’ And ‘Stable’ Politics Are To Return

In his latest Ireland Eye column in Tribune magazine , former Blanket columnist and Unionist commentator, Dr John Coulter, assesses how he sees the legacy of   Martin McGuinness impacting on the ideologies of both Republicanism and Unionism.

I recall his warm handshake, soft-spoken voice – and his icy cold eyes. Some two decades later, I had another meeting with McGuinness at Stormont when he was Sinn Fein’s education minister in the power-sharing Executive.

My dad was an Ulster Unionist MLA and Stormont Commissioner. I was his press officer. We were in the basement restaurant in Parliament Buildings. McGuinness was looking for a space to have lunch; he was on his own; he paused beside me; I offered him a seat.

We didn’t chat about politics; just our respective love of fishing. He was polite, courteous and friendly – but the same icy cold eyes remained.

As I reflect on my personal relationship with McGuinness along with the current political impasse at Stormont, it becomes clear that what is needed is not a change of strategy or tactics by the DUP or Sinn Fein – but a rethinking of their respective ideologies of Unionism and Republicanism.

Some pundits portray McGuinness as the man who moved his ideology from the bomb to the ballot box; replacing armed conflict with democratic debate. Others suggest he never left the IRA, merely placed more emphasis on the Sinn Fein peace strategy than IRA violence.

Whatever the McGuinness legacy to the peace process or Republicanism, one fact is inescapable: republicans and unionists will have to rethink the direction of their ideologies as they prepare for a post-Brexit island. The status quo cannot continue otherwise Ireland as an economic entity will descend into nothing more than a third-rate banana republic.

For Sinn Fein, it needs to create a new brand of Republicanism which will never again embrace the tactic of a terror campaign. That bomb and bullet campaign may have made it the majority voice in Northern nationalism, but with the centenary of the bloody Irish Civil War only a few years away, terrorism commemorations are a non-starter if Sinn Fein is to be a major player in a future Dail coalition administration in Dublin.

The future Sinn Fein ideology can only take Republicanism in one viable direction – back to its founding roots of 1905 when Ireland was part of the British Empire and dominion status was the political solution preferred by the party’s founding father, Arthur Griffith.

The revolutionaries of 1916 may have championed the cause of a 32-county democratic socialist republic, but a united Ireland as envisaged by Rising leader James Connolly’s Irish Socialist Republican Party is pure political fantasy as Brexit looms.

Sinn Fein must accept the bitter reality that dominion status for Ireland is the best it can hope for. All other options will only spark a second – and even more bloody – Irish Civil War with Northern loyalists.

Sinn Fein must also come to terms with the wishes of about a million Unionists in Northern Ireland, as well as the fact that the Southern Protestant population is starting to increase again after decades of decline following partition in the 1920s. Republicans must also recognise that their battle with the Catholic Church in Ireland for the hearts and minds of nationalists is over, given the Church’s dire record of child sex abuse.

The iron grip which the Catholic Church once had as one of Europe’s greatest bastions of Catholicism outside the Vatican has crumbled as a litany of child sex abuse scandals rock the institution.

But what of Unionism? It has a moral duty to rethink it’s ‘Not an Inch’ and ‘No Surrender’ mentality. Unionism has got to redefine its ideology of loyalty outside the six counties of Northern Ireland. That does not mean it becomes a carbon copy of the liberal, secularist thinking of the centre ground Alliance Party.

It means that Unionism must start thinking on an all-island basis and also develop a Southern Ireland identity. Primarily, Unionism must devise an ideology which allows it to re-engage with its traditional roots – the Protestant Loyal Orders, the Christian denominations, the marching musical bands fraternity, the loyalist working class, the so-called ‘Garden Centre Unionists’ who support the Union, but are too politically apathetic to bother to vote.

If Unionism is to remain as a viable political ideology in Ireland, it must ditch the secularist liberal thinking which has polluted the pro-Union parties for the past decade. It must adopt a clear Christian socialist agenda which its founding fathers achieved when the Ulster Unionist Council was launched in 1905.

If ‘normal’ and ‘stable’ politics are to return to Ireland, Unionism and Republicanism need to forget about the tactics of ‘playing hard ball’ and go back to their respective 1905 roots.


Follow Dr Coulter on Twitter @JohnAHCoulter

‘I Think My Brother Will Be Proud Of Me’ - Helen Deery

Eamon Sweeney talks to Helen Deery in the wake of the inquest into death of her brother Manus, slain by the British Army in Derry in 1972.
Helen Deery pictured outside Derry's courthouse following the announcement that the her brother was 'totally innocent'.
The sister of a teenager shot dead by the British Army in Derry 45 years ago has contended that politicians do not genuinely care about how to deal with the legacy of the ‘Troubles’ in Northern Ireland. Manus Deery was just 15 years old when he was struck by a bullet fired from Derry’s walls on May 19, 1972.
The final verdict into the killing announced in the city’s courthouse yesterday found that the victim was totally innocent of the accusation by the British state that he was a gunman. The presiding coroner dealing with legacy inquests related to the conflict, Lord Justice Colton, yesterday concluded that:

Neither Manus or anyone close to him was acting in a manner that could reasonably have been perceived as posing a threat of death or injury to Private Glasgow (the soldier who fired the fatal round or any other person.

Speaking outside the court after the decision was delivered the sister of the state victim, Helen Deery sent a sharp message to the Stormont politicians currently engaged in trying to resurrect a devolved government in Northern Ireland before this Friday’s talks deadline. The issue of dealing with the legacy of the conflict is a major thread running through the talks.
She said:

They are pretending to care about legacy cases in order to advance their own agendas. Throughout the years not one political party, despite their assurances, actually did anything to advance my brothers case. Personally, I don’t think politicians give a damn about victims. I have no faith in Stormont. I now hope that other families now see that they can get the truth and justice can be achieved.

Manus Deery died of drastic head injuries as a result of the discharge of a single round by a now deceased British soldier previously known only as ‘Soldier A’ as twilight fell over the Bogside almost exactly 45 years ago. However, during the ten day inquest last year the soldier was identified as Private William Glasgow. Asked why she felt the need to pursue the case for all these years, Helen said:

It’s the end of a long, drawn out process. I do know that five of Manus’ and my siblings and my mother and father are not here to see his innocence declared. I loved him. It’s as simple as that. We had a typical brother and sister relationship, but I genuinely loved him with all my heart and I wasn’t going to let anybody blacken his name.

However, reaching the point of a declaration of innocence which will has finally come after four and half decades been far from straight forward she said. And, Helen maintains that the many years of stalling by the Ministry of Defence has had a drastic effect not only on the Deery family but also on the friends of the young victim who witnessed his killing.

Some news organisations at the time portrayed Manus as a gunman. The result was that even some our neighbours turned their backs on us. Many of those present that night have suffered severe mental health issues throughout the years as well. I am sentimental today but I feel peaceful. I will probably go his grave at the cemetery today. I am delighted that the judge has said that the shooting was unjustified. We knew he wasn’t a gunman, we always knew that he and his friends that were there that night were innocent. There were lots of hurdles placed in our way along this road but it was worth it. In a way it brings closure. “Manus had his whole life in front of him and I think he’ll be proud of me. For all of those still seeking justice, I would say keep going, don’t let them grind you down. Have respect and honour for the loved ones that you lost and keep on until you get the truth.

British Army ... Feet Off

Saoradh has organised a protest for Good Friday calling for the removal of British troops.


Saoradh Béal Feirste have recently received legal correspondence from Solicitor Michael Brentnall informing us that our plans to confront British Triumphalism at City hall this Friday morning 14 April 2017 will be subject to discriminatory restrictions that have been imposed by the parades commission.



A parades commission determination has ruled that while Crown force murderers and their supporters are gathered at City hall to rally in the name of injustice; Saoradh Béal Feirste will be denied access to our City hall. In being denied access to this alleged shared space we are being denied the legitimate right to protest.

Saoradh Béal Feirste was prepared for this determination due to the precedents set recently by the parades commission in relation to both Civil rights and Republican demonstrations in our city centre.



Once again the question arises as to whether Belfast is, as has been alleged, a shared space at all?

Repeatedly in recent years and once again today Republicans are being denied equal access to a building and an area that is at all times open to Unionism, Loyalism and now imperialism bereft of restrictions being applied. On Friday morning a group of murderers and their supporters will gather at city hall at a rally that has been organised in a sickening attempt to justify the most heinous crimes inflicted upon the Irish people during 40 years of imperialist terror. No restrictions will apply to these thugs and bullies despite the offensive nature of their “rally”.



Also on Friday morning and despite restrictions imposed today, Saoradh Béal Feirste will assemble on Castle street at 10.30am. We Hope that we are joined by all of those whom we have invited as well as all of those who oppose Britain’s nefarious attempts at absolving itself from crime here. We will march together in protest from Castle Street towards Donegal place. We will then undoubtedly be met by today’s imperialist terrorists but in spite of them we will challenge any attempt by anyone to rewrite the narrative of our past or indeed to portray Britain’s role in conflict here as being anything other than the criminal terrorism that it was and it remains.

British Army Victim Vindicated After 45 Years

Eamon Sweeney writes that:
The good name of a teenage victim of the state was officially restored this week almost 45 years after his life was taken by a British Army bullet.
The first inquest into the killing in 1973 returned an open verdict meaning that for over four decades the smear that he was a republican gunman was placed against his name and that of his families.
However, at Derry’s courthouse yesterday the final verdict of a fresh inquest held last year into the incident, finally and decisively cleared the young victims name. The decision, delivered by the Presiding Coroner overseeing conflict legacy cases in Northern Ireland, Lord Justice Adrian Colton, totally absolved Manus Deery of being involved in any illegal activity on the night in question.
In summarising the evidence given by all sides at last year’s inquest, Mr Colton concluded that:

Neither Manus or anyone close to him was acting in a manner that could have been reasonably perceived as posing a threat of death or injury to Private Glasgow or any other person. There was no gunman in the vicinity of the archway or tunnel in the Meenan Square area of the Bogside, but Manus and his friends were present in the Archway and should have been visible to Private Glasgow at the relevant time.

Lord Justice Colton also concluded:

Even if Private Glasgow had an honest belief that there was a gunman present, the force used was disproportionate to the threat perceived and therefore more than was absolutely necessary in the circumstances.

Furthermore, Mr Colton concluded that the soldier who fired the fatal round into the Bogside did not abide by the British Army’s rules of engagement known as the ‘Yellow Card’ and that because of this he “was not justified in opening fire” and that the subsequent RUC investigation into the shooting was “flawed and inadequate.”

The Post Political Condition

On 30 April human rights lawyer Stanley Cohen, history professor Norton Mezvinsky, whistleblower Michael Lesher and author Gilad Atzmon will gather in Theatre 80, Manhattan to elaborate on the collapse of Identity politics, the crisis within new Left thinking and the future of liberal and progressive thought.
Art by Seth Tobocman

University of Terror

The Uri Avnery Column floats the idea that prison mutates some people into religious zealots.

He ran over several persons on Westminster Bridge, stabbed a policeman to death and approached the doors of Parliament, where he was shot dead. All this in the shadow of the tower of Big Ben, an irresistible photographic target.

It was an electrifying world-wide news item. Within minutes, Daesh was blamed. But then the truth came out: the terrorist was a British citizen, a Muslim convert born in England. From early youth he had committed a string of petty crimes. He had been in and out of prison several times.

So how did this individual, of all people, become a religious zealot, a Shahid - a witness to the truth of Allah, who sacrificed his life for the greatness of Islam? How had he become the perpetrator of an act that shook Europe and the world?

Before Trying to answer this mystifying question, one remark about the effectiveness of "terrorism".

As the term implies, it is a matter of spreading fear. It is a method of achieving a political end by making people afraid.

But why are people so afraid of terrorists? This has always puzzled me, even when as a boy I belonged to an organization that was labeled by our British overlords as "terrorist".

I don't know how many people died in road accidents in the United Kingdom in the same month as the Westminster killing. I surmise that the number was vastly larger. Yet people do not greatly fear road accidents. They do not refrain from walking out into the street. Dangerous drivers are not held in preventive detention.

Yet a very small number of "terrorists" suffices to create a climate of fear throughout entire countries, entire continents, even the entire globe.

Great Britain should be the last place in the world to succumb to this totally irrational fear. In 1940, this small island stood against the colossus of Nazi-conquered Europe. I remember a stirring poster that was pasted to the walls in Palestine. It showed the head of Winston Churchill with the slogan: "Alright Then, Alone!"

Could a lone terrorist with a car and a knife frighten such a country into submission?

To me this sounds crazy, but this is only a side remark. My purpose here is to throw light on an institution few people think about: prison.

The Westminster terrorist attack raises a simple question: how did a petty criminal become a shahid who attracts world-wide attention?

There are many theories, many of them raised by experts vastly more competent than I. Religious experts. Cultural experts. Islamist experts. Criminologists.

My own answer is very simple: it's prison that did it.

Let's Move as far away from Britain and religion as possible. Let's come back to Israel and our local crime scene.

We often hear of major crimes being committed by people who started as juvenile delinquents.

How does an ordinary person become a chief of organized crime? Where does he study?

Well, in the same place as a British jihadist. Or an Israeli Muslim jihadist, for that matter.

A boy has trouble at home. Perhaps his father regularly beats up his beloved mother. Perhaps his mother is a prostitute. Perhaps he is a dumb pupil and his comrades despise him. Any one of a hundred reasons.

At 14, the boy is caught stealing. After being warned and released by the police, he steals again. He is sent to prison. In prison, the most respected criminals adopt him, perhaps even sexually. He is sent to prison again and again, and slowly he rises in the invisible prison hierarchy.

He is respected by his fellow prisoners, he has authority. Prison becomes his world, he knows the rules. He feels good.

When he is released, he returns to being a nobody. Correction personnel treat him as an object. He longs to go back to his world, the place where he is known and respected. He is not sent to prison because he has committed a crime. He commits a crime in order to be sent to prison.

So he commits a crime, more serious than all before. He becomes a crime boss himself. When he returns to prison, even the chief warder treats him as an old acquaintance.

Throughout the years, prison has acted for this person as a university, a University of Crime. It is there that he learned all the tricks of the trade, until he himself becomes a professor.

The little Muslim thief sent to prison may meet there an incarcerated Muslim preacher, who convinces him that he is not a despised criminal but one of the few selected by Allah to destroy the infidels

All This is old stuff. I am not revealing anything new. Every inmate, criminologist, senior police officer, chief prison warder or correction psychologist knows it, far better than I.

If so, how come nobody does anything about it? Why does prison function today as it did centuries ago?

I suspect the simple answer is: Nobody knows what to do instead.

The British once had a good answer: they sent all criminals, even petty thieves, to Australia. If they did not hang them first.

But in modern times, even these remedies were abandoned. Australia is now a strong nation, that sends hapless refugees to remote Pacific islands.

The United States, the world's foremost power, with some of the best universities, keeps millions of its citizens in prison, where they turn into hardened criminals.

Israeli prisons are bursting with inmates, many of them "terrorists" sent there without trial. This is euphemistically called "preventive detention" - an oxymoron if ever there was one.

If one asks a police officer about the logic of this entire system, he shrugs his shoulder and answers - the Jewish way - with another question: What else can you do with them?

So for year after year, century after century, society has sent its criminals to Crime University, where they learn to become better and more professional criminals. Tuition with full board, all expenses paid by the state.

And, of course, a huge army of prison personnel, policemen and women, experts and academics depend on this system for their livelihood. Everybody happy.

Prison is not only counterproductive. It is also inhuman. It turns human beings into zoo animals. (And these should be liberated, too.)

Curiously Enough, I was never in prison, though I came close to it several times.

As I have recounted elsewhere, the chief of Israel's political police (sorry, I mean "security agency") once proposed to the Prime Minister to put me in "administrative detention", without involving a judge, as a foreign spy. This was only prevented by Menachem Begin, the leader of the opposition, who refused his assent.

Another time was after my meeting with Yasser Arafat during the siege of Beirut, when the government officially requested the attorney general to investigate me for treason. The attorney, a nice person, decided I had committed no crime. I did not illegally cross any border, since I was invited to occupied East Beirut by the Israeli army as a newspaper editor. Also, there was no suspicion that I had the intention of harming the security of the state.

So I have no personal experience of prison so far. But the absurdity of the entire situation has occupied my mind for many years. I made several speeches about it in the Knesset.

To no avail. No one knows of an alternative.

My late wife, Rachel, was a teacher. She always refused to move up from the second grade (age 8). She maintained that at that age the character of a human being is already fully formed. After that, nothing can be done.

If so, perhaps all efforts should be concentrated on a very early age.

I am sure that somewhere experiments with other answers are being carried out. Perhaps in Scandinavia. Or on the island of Fiji.

Isn't it about time?

The Lure Of The US Masters Golf Tournament

Sean Mallory looks back on the US Golf Masters and finds much to be disappointed at.


Set in undulating and towering pine tree lined hills in Georgia, the course is occasionally interspaced with striking bunches of azalea trees, on couture grass fairways. There are venerated, hand crafted, and manicured greens, occasionally edged with manufactured creeks and ponds inhabited by Augusta's famous turtles and other such gracious creatures shy to the public eye. They are deliberately and strategically patched with blinding white sanded bunkers, varying in size from standard to gargantuan. All are serenaded by the musical calls of the Augusta's feathered wildlife high in the pines. Augusta in April is a sight to behold. 

There is no other tournament like this in the world. This is Augusta and this is the most sought after title in the world of golf.

And all built on sanitised racism and bigotry.

Unlike the other major tournaments, the US Masters by its very location is not an ‘open’ tournament, nor does it have its own rules or regulations. It is constituted solely on the Augusta club's own regulations and rules, one of which is ‘invitation’ only. 

As social and civil perceptions changed, with particular emphasis towards racism and bigotry becoming less tolerable, ‘invitation only’ - A term with varying conditions to suit the creators (Charlie Sifford), equipped Augusta's officials with the necessary weapons to retain their historically racial programme whilst circumventing allegations of racism and bigotry. Simultaneously, appearing to be welcoming to all and sundry while grandstanding their ostentatious Southern gentlemanly hospitality and surreptitiously retaining traditional Southern values such as those expressed by one of Augusta’s founding fathers, Clifford Roberts: "As long as I'm alive, golfers will be white, and caddies will be black." 

Roberts, late in to his twilight years, blew his brains out on one of the greens apparently on being informed that his cancer was incurable. A civilised, honourable and Southern gentlemanly act of surrender. 

Apparently when this ‘unofficial rule’ changed in 1983, the black caddie rule that is and not blowing your brains out on one of the greens – that was never a rule, the black caddies went on strike or at least strongly protested as they stood to lose a lot of income and hereditary family ties to potential wealth. Even in the townships of the apartheid system in South Africa, wealthy blacks were to be found. Wealth in monetary value does not always translate or equate to a social status value. A wealthy black family in apartheid South Africa was still classed as a kafir when in comparison with the lowest white trailer trash family.

As of 1963, the tournament has always started with an honorary T shot by an invited player, officially considered to be one of golf's greats, to be the first to T-off. This year and co-joined by old pal Gary Player (apartheid South Africa), the honour fell to Jack Nicklaus. Nicklaus, as a mark of respect to the passing of Arnold Palmer last year and prior to striking his ball, removed his golfing cap while looking up to the heavens. Nicklaus is considered by many to be the greatest golfer ever with the possible exception being the amateur Bobby Jones (another founding member of Augusta). 

As per usual, the hopeful, the maybes, we’ll see, I’ll give it a go and this year is my year, all turned up to do battle. The weather played havoc on both Thursday and Friday and by Saturday the cut had been set and made. Only those who made the cut were invited to stay until dinner time Sunday. Forty of the original grouping were told that they were now surplus to requirements. The weather, the speed of the greens, the fairways, the weather, cross winds, the weather again, were all given as excuses by all those who were told to pack their bags. Strangely it was never pointed out that the 50+ who remained also played in the same weather conditions!

One particular golfer who didn’t make the cut and didn’t let the weather interrupt his preparation was Ireland's Shane Lowry. Lowry, unperturbed by such inclement times, took out his hurl and knocked a few sliothars around with his family while waiting on Irelands call. A bit of craic really! 

Danny Willett, initially sent home had his marching orders quickly rescinded, since as last year’s winner, Danny, is expected to place the green jacket upon the shoulders of this year’s winner.

Rory McIlroy turned up along with Dustin Johnson to be once again classed as one of the favourites to win. Like last year and the years before, Rory had a plan in hand and having been given great advice by a person who could be best described as a senile auld racist bastard called Nicklaus, announced to the world that he was ready to rumble. 

Rory, prior to the tournament made it known that he will remain unfulfilled in his life until he wins the Green Jacket and complete his grand slam of majors. News that didn’t seem to perturb his soon to be wife Erica or that the children she may bear him will not just quite cut it!

As ever gracious in defeat, during his interview, he excused his failure to live up to expectations, not by focusing on where he went wrong or the fact that there were much better players out there than himself, but decided it would be best for his own self esteem to adopt a Beckham's ‘cunts’ moment and focus on himself the false positives and repeated again to the world just how wonderful he really is.

Dustin on the other hand fell down a set of stairs prior to the start of the tournament and ruled himself out due to injury. Slight ambiguity remains on exactly whose stairs he fell down and whether he was running up them in anticipation of what was awaiting on him at the top or he was running down them in desperation of what was chasing him from the top ..... no trespassing on Southern gentlemanly hospitality is a rule I’m afraid! 

By Sunday evening, Lee Westwood, who was declared by golfing pundits prior to the tournament as being a great golfer but never ever likely to win it, lived up to that forecast, and was joined by past winner Jordan Speith in the losers tent. Speith, who always seemed to chase it to the end began Sunday on a high and then a low, and then a high, then a low and then flat-lined. His playing partner’s, Leonardo DiCaprio’s love child, Rickie Fowler, initial charge was bluntly rebuffed by Garcia and Rose. 

Fowler, a person who looks like he would rather steal your car than play golf and dresses like it too, bruised and battered from Garcia's and Rose's reprisals humbly capitulated, ordered a slushy and left the battle field for the loser’s tent too.

Old timer, 39 year old Matt Kuchar scored a whole in one on the 16th and in an act of selflessness and after writing an inscription on it, handed his ball to a young child from the crowd as a memorable keep sake. Let's hope it wasn’t his phone number!

As the losers tent began to overfill, with the exception of the presence of McIlroy, Rose and Garcia continued to battle on in to the early hours of Monday morning, in the UK that is, to take the tournament to a play-off. Garcia having battled all day against a thorny English Rose eventually triumphed. Rose, as ever the gentleman, congratulated his very good friend Garcia and walked off to be interviewed. Gutted and in the midst of his disappointment he was asked the vexing question of where did it all go wrong? Are you fuck’n for real should have been Justin's answer but he held that one back for a later impromptu off camera discussion and responded politely graciously and admirably.

Garcia on the other hand was presented with his Green Jacket by Danny Willett who looked as if he had just read another tweet from his brother!

And so, as I finished off the last bottle of my Coors Light, £13 for 20 330ml bottles in good auld Tesco, hard to beat but wouldn’t ever recommend any attempt to drink the whole box in one sitting especially when you have work in the morning!, arose gracefully from my seat, removed the match sticks and a badly aimed finger from my eyes, and as I prodded over to switch off the goggle box I began to ponder what was the allure of the US Masters that enticed me every year without failure, especially since I don’t play golf! Was it a personal subconscious desire to be there and witness that moment when someone would eventually turn up and mention:

· The historically racist elephant in the room

· That the bird calls are actually bird noises that television companies add to the setting to give Augusta a more immersive paradisiacal feel to viewers

· That those crystal clear reflections from the ponds are not by chance and are the direct result of a dye, a food dye to be precise.

· That the bright white sand isn’t sand at all but a quartz waste product from the feldspar mining process

· That the deep green colours of fairways and greens is in fact artificially coloured in places to give a more uniform green appearance on television

· Or maybe it is the vain hope that someone will stop Peter Ellis eulogising Bobby Jones by pointing out that in fact he was not just a great golfer full stop, but a racist bigoted bastard who just happened to have played great golf.

· Or maybe the honorary T shot should be changed to an honorary bunker shot!

Or,

Is it more in line with the words of Thomas Hackett:

But in truth I know that the legacies of Southern bigotry haven’t so much been elided as they’ve been artfully revised, lyrically evoked and profitably celebrated. And still I watch. Most of us who watch golf also play the game ourselves – after a certain age, that’s not the case with baseball, basketball, football or synchronized swimming. We watch to learn, to study how the pros maintain their concentration as they navigate apparent and hidden hazards. Although its stately manicured grounds seem gentle and benign, Augusta National is full of those hazards – moral, historical and otherwise.

No matter what, next April I will be plonked in front of the goggle box, Coors Light in hand and ready to rumble. Oh, I still hum along to Sweet Home Alabama by Lynyrd Skynyrd too!