M.L.S. Weech's Blog, page 75

Book Review: Guilty by Association by E.A. Open

[image error]Spoiler Free Summary:  In Guilty by Association by E.A. Copen, Special Agent Judah Black has just gotten to The Paint Rock Supernatural Reservation. She’s new. She’s an agent for a hated government program responsible for the supernatural creatures’ current position. The local law doesn’t appreciate her position much more. So when a young werewolf is found dead, and her questions stir up the locals, she has to do more than just solve the case. She has to understand the political and societal intricacies of a town composed of every supernatural being you can imagine, all while trying to keep her own secrets that, if discovered, will put her in violation of the very government agency she works for.

Character:  The good news is this story is full of great, deep, proactive and sympathetic characters. Honestly each character in this story grows the way only great serial fiction can. My only beef isn’t with Judah’s drive and emotion. It’s one specific decision she makes that I just couldn’t find realistic. If you really want to know what I had beef with, you’ll have to read the book because I don’t want to create reader bias. That decision is still something I couldn’t let go.  However, that didn’t take away from a good story with a wonderful cast.

Exposition: As is typical with first person narrative, this story has more exposition than I like, and it might have more than it even needs. That amount of exposition doesn’t drag the story down unnecessarily. The way I measure this is how hard it is for me to read through the story. Usually, when it takes me a while to get through a book, it’s either really long or (frankly) really boring. I tore through this book pretty quickly despite a pretty rough week. That’s a good indication that the exposition was at least acceptable.

[image error]Worldbuilding: I have to give first books in a series a lot of slack in world building. You don’t want to bury your reader in the details of your world before they fall in love with the characters and gain interest in the plot. This book does a solid job of giving me the context I need to understand the plot without overwhelming me with details that never affected the overall story. What I like most is the implication of a deeper plot with more world building to be discovered. This really motivated me to read more books in the series. (I’m not saying I will. My TBR is huge right now, and I won’t read any what I call tangent books until my actual reading obligations get back under control. But if I do find myself with a clean TBR, I’d probably pick up book two in this series just to see more of how this reservation works.) The concept of this reservation is the number one draw for me in this book. I want to know more. I want to see the other cultures and how they interact.

Dialogue:  I’d say this is solid. I can’t quote any one segment of the book, but none of the interaction felt forced or contrived.

Description:  I think there was a bit of room for some more details.  I don’t need (or like) to be told about every piece of lint in the room, but I would have liked a few more well-placed adjectives.

Overall:  This was an entertaining urban fantasy murder mystery story. This has a fascinating premise I like the feel and setting. The world building in this book is enough reason to recommend it to fans of the genre. Yes, the MC makes one decision I just don’t believe any other person in her position would ever make, but I wouldn’t let that stop me from recommending it to others. (I would warn them about it though.)  There’s a lot to like about this book.

Thanks for reading

Matt

Two 5-Star Reviews for Caught!

[image error]Greetings all,

Today must be bounce-back day in the review world. Just after my first one-star review for Caught, I get two, count ’em, two five-star reviews for the same book. You win some; you lose some. I’ll admit, having a few more positive reviews takes the sting off a bad one.

One review complimented the plot twist at the end, which was nice to hear as I worked hard to make it as surprising as it was satisfying.

The other review spoke to the horror aspect of the book. Caught was tricky to write, so having these reviews that speak to the areas I felt were most important feels good.

Like I said a few days ago, I appreciate all reviews; but it’s sure nice to see some good to counter the bad.

Thanks for reading,

V/R

Matt

 

 

The March Book Cover of the Month is up and Running!

[image error]Happy first everyone! As is now officially tradition here on my blog, it’s time to start a new book cover of the month competition.

Star Mage Exile by J.J. Green joins 31 brand new covers this month.

You can vote all the way through the tournament, supporting the covers you like best through each round. I like to make sure people get the credit they deserve, so please show your support. Please vote and share as much as possible to get people a chance to pick their favorite.

As always, I’d appreciate it if you tag the authors and artists if you know them. I try to tag or friend every author I can, but sometimes it’s hard to track someone down. Max participation is a huge deal to me. The more people who vote, the more recognition these authors and artists receive, and I want this to be as legitimate as possible.

[image error]Image taken from Pixabay.

If you are the author, let’s remember to be good sports! 1) Please feel free to message or contact me at any time. 2) Please feel free to like, share, text, ask for support, and call everyone you know. I absolutely want max participation. However, if you’re going to offer giveaways or prizes, please offer them for voting, not just voting for you.

Also, while your summoning your army of voting soldiers, please make sure you ask them to vote in every match. Part of the idea of this is to get exposure to as many artists and authors as possible. By all means, if you can get 1,000 people to vote for your book, do it. Just please also send some eyeballs to the other matches.

A final note to authors and artists: I currently have links to the books’ Amazon pages. If you’d prefer I switch that link to sign up for your newsletter or like your social media page or whatever, just send me the link and let me know. I want this to help you. I want this to be as helpful as possible, so whatever you need me to do to facilitate that, just let me know.

I hope you keep having fun. Please, vote, share, and discuss as much as possible.

All you have to do now is head over here to vote!

Thanks for reading,

Matt

Testimony: My Trial of Faith as My Mom Struggled With Cancer Part 5

See Part 1 here.

See Part 2 here.

See Part 3 here.

See Part 4 here.

Temptation

I wish I could tell you I intended for this particular part of the story to fall on Easter Sunday, but honestly, I’m not planning very much. On the day Jesus rose from the dead, three days after he died on the cross for our sins, I felt it was important to clarify something.

I promised God I’d worship him. I promised him I’d testify. I wasn’t foolish enough to say I’d stop sinning. I can tell you how afraid I was. I told my brother at some point during the events I’ve already discussed, “I’m afraid to do anything. I’m afraid I’ll mess up, and God will punish me.”

That fear is still current even as I type this weeks later. The two greatest temptations were that of rage (I feel wrath would be an overdramatic word) and lust. While I tried to keep my calm and professionalism, I went into my command chaplain’s office one day because I’d realized I was gripping my podium, ready to literally (I’m using that word correctly) throw it across the room. I can’t even remember what happened at this point. Even as I reminded myself that whatever the student did was normal, I had to admit that I was angry. I was furious. I spoke to a few friends, and even considered asking about removing myself from the class. I realized I wanted to fight someone. I’m not being metaphorical. I honestly, truly, wanted someone to give me a reason to get into a fight. To help you see the perspective, I want you to understand that I’ve always felt physical violence was the most disgusting thing ever. If we can’t reach a point where words and calm discussion can’t resolve simple matters, we’re animals. For me, feeling that desire, honestly wanting to do that, was a warning flag for me.

So I went to my chaplain. The fact is I felt powerless, and I wanted a fight I could win (or at least could fight). I talked to him about it.

“Peter put away your sword,” he said.

That quote is given in both John 18:11 and Matthew 26:52. Most of the time, I talk to chaplain already knowing I’m wrong. I’m just looking for guidance on how to fix myself. I already had a few plans in place. My team knew what was going on and where my head was, and they have a good feel for me. It’s been weeks since that day, and while my temper has been tested, I haven’t so much as shouted. This is because of an extreme amount of prayer and a team of great people who know when to tell me to take a walk. At one point, one coworker even brought me my favorite feel-good food, a cookie with hot chocolate.  The point is, I felt those desires. Sure, it’s great I didn’t act on them (well…didn’t I?  See below); but we sin with our minds every bit as much as we sin with our body.  I struggle with this so much. On my best day, I think about sin a lot. Remember folks, sin is a much broader term than we’d like it to be. Being judgmental is a sin. Pride is a sin. I’m not (nor have I ever been) walking around plotting Darth Weechus levels of evil, but that doesn’t mean I don’t think things I know I shouldn’t.

At some point in this part of the story, my girlfriend was texting me. On my best day, I think texting is stupid. Texts annoy me. At that point, I was waiting for a call regarding my mom’s condition and well being. I was actually also in the process of typing the first part of this very story. She invited me over to hang out with her friends.

What I felt was temptation. I didn’t want to go hang out with her friends (I knew they lived near her). I wanted to go over there and bury my sadness and rage in lust. It felt like a test, which isn’t something I handle well.  I frankly called her and lectured her for a solid hour or so. I did that. Sure, I asked questions and let her give her side, but I didn’t listen. I had already (in my mind, and in my mind only) figured out what her angle was.

By that point, I felt like I was the rope in the world’s most competitive tug of war. It was a challenging time for my students. My girlfriend and I were already fighting our natural desire to be intimate. Oh, and my mom was sick. So I handled it poorly. We talked. I still handled that poorly. Then, after I had a few days to think, pray and talk to the chaplain, I got to the place I needed to be. My fears and emotions are as valid as anyone’s. The way I articulated and addressed the miscommunication was simply wrong on every level.  I apologized, and my girlfriend and I have since done an outstanding job of talking before things become too emotional to handle. We worked out a better plan, and I was honest.  It’s hard to be around her without wanting to have sex with her. This would be hard in any situation. In this instance, the temptation is that much stronger because it would feel good to lose myself in lust to forget my fear.

All I’d have to do is forget the fact that I told God I trusted him to handle this.

My number one head-scratcher in the world of faith is the idea of our salvation.

The easy math:

Believe and accept that Jesus Christ died on the cross for my sins, and I’m in. Most people  I know do a great job with those deadly sins and such. Me, I was single for 38 years. I struggled with lust before I had a girlfriend. Before I met her, I’d been out with another woman who I’d actually had sex with. Before I met my girlfriend, I’d think every night. “All I have to do is ask.”  That might not literally be true, but I felt confident if I asked, it would happen.

Now I have someone who wants me every bit as much as I want her, but the fact is if we’re together before we get married, we’re sinning. I’m not going to stone anyone who had sex. (Remember above how I said I’d had sex only a few months before meeting the wonderful woman I’m with now? I’d had sex before that too.) I’m just saying I knew it was wrong when I did it, and I didn’t want to be wrong anymore.

That’s not accurate. I absolutely want to be wrong. And that’s where the struggle is.

The question: Does salvation remove temptation?

That day, the chaplain gave me a lot of comfort by telling me that’s not true. It’s hard to believe. You see, my boss is the most devout man I’ve ever known. I’ve seen people do down-right wrong things to or around him (work related).  The guy is unflappably calm. Now the chances might be he’s just way (waaaaaaaaaaaay) better at controlling his emotions than I am. I am, for the record, the worst at doing that. I need space. I need time to “feel.” I can find my professionalism, but I’d rather stop shoving it in a drawer until I need it.

I want to be the same way with my faith. My new quote (I like those) is that, “I wish the decision to do the right thing eliminated the temptation to do the wrong thing.”

It doesn’t. What’s also proven true though is every time I remind myself that God is working with me, it gets easier. The less I’m focused on God, the more likely I am to handle things the way I used to. So I have some more quotes (I told you I like them).

“Orient on God.” During a sermon, my girlfriend’s pastor said when you turn to God, you, by default, turn from sin. It’s like orienting on North.  I turned that phrase into something I can bark at myself when I need. I say it about every three times I think of my girlfriend. I don’t think it’s unusual for a man to desire the woman he’s with. I do think it’s lustful. I’m honestly not sure what the rule is once we’re married (if it’s God’s will that such an event happens), but we’ll be married, so I’m confident thinking about us doing things married folk are allowed to do will be less wrong if not okay.  I also focus on the other things that are great about her. I think about her endless optimism and her child-like desire to be helpful. These are reasons why I feel the way I feel about her. I want her for those reasons, and the fact that she’s hot. That’s not love; it’s lust.  So when I catch myself thinking about “taking her” rather than being with her for all the other reasons she’s wonderful, I order myself to orient on God. I might have to say that some 20-30 times a day for a number of reasons. I’m mad about work. A student was particularly uncooperative. The order helps me, and maybe it’ll help you.

I think of it like turning to God when I want to turn to sin.

“God’s will in God’s time.” This is what I say when my famous impatience get’s unruly. When I want work to run smoothly, and someone walks in and plops a hefty dose of extra work in my lap.  I think of it when my mom has a bad day at the doctor. My impatience is all about my desire for God to bless me right now. That’s not how he works.

My fear is that someone has been reading this and wondering at how Christian I’ve been. I wanted to be blunt and honest about just how hard it has been. I was tempted every day before my mom got sick. Those temptations are honestly stronger now. Orienting my thoughts on God and remembering that all things come at His will in His time helps me control it, but I’ve broken. I’ve broken a few times in several regards. While my girlfriend and I still haven’t been together, that doesn’t mean I’ve been pure. Also, remember that we sin with our thoughts. Sure, I turned away from that sin (thinking of her) back to God, but that also means I turned from God (even if only for an instant) to sin. I’ll be judged for that. I’ll be held accountable.

Good Friday is when we remember Jesus died on the cross for our sins. He stands at God’s right hand to advocate on our behalf. Those who believe in him aren’t judged. God disregards their sin. (At least as I understand it from sermons I’ve attended. I’d like to be notified if I’m wrong about this.)

That brings me back to that struggle I mentioned above.

Truth: The decision to do the right thing does not eliminate the desire to do the wrong thing.

Truth: We were, are, and will be sinners our whole lives. Jesus is the one and only perfect person ever.

Question: Does that mean I can sin as much as I want because I know Jesus died for those sins?

Answer: By no means. Romans 6:2.

Yes, I’ll break. I have broken. The task is to fight. Every day, I want to wake up closer to God, even if it’s only fraction of a millimeter closer. Those thoughts of mine come unbidden.

I mentioned that to God. Part of that is a result of learned thinking.  So now I have to learn to fight the addiction of sin as a concept, a drug. That’s something I’ll struggle with for a long time. Even after (if) I’m married. My temper is still there. I’m not a violent temper guy. I mean it when I say I think physical violence is disgusting. But man can I say some hurtful things. What I’m thinking and how judgmental I’m being when I have those thoughts are still sins.

So me and my two verbal reset buttons will continue to be good companions for the rest of my life. Because if I start sinning just because I believe Jesus died for those sins, even if it worked that way (it doesn’t), I’m basically sinning and chucking at Christ’s own crucifixion. In my mind, every time I sin, no matter how great or small, I hang him back up on that cross. Please note, that’s not accurate in reality or doctrine, it’s just how I feel. He only had to die the one time for my sins. But how many times have I had to remember that after I sinned? I’m human, and I acknowledge the fact that I’m a sinner. I just want to be less so.

As time goes on, I still struggle with this. I feel it every minute of every day, and sometimes I snap in some regard. I don’t throw podiums or shout (well, I shout but never  at a specific person). This is hard. I feel like every single moment of my life is this epic struggle for not just my soul but my mom’s well being. I don’t think it’s accurate to say God will take my mom if I sin. I’m honestly not sure about that, but I feel like that’s the case. To make it worse, I’m telling you all frankly I have sinned.

Do you understand that? Forget (for an instant) that I feel like sinning puts Christ back on the cross. I even fear that doing so actually puts my mom’s life at risk. I’ve had some people tell me that’s not the case. I don’t honestly know what The Bible says in this regard. Regardless, I still did it.

So I wake up some days feeling just so guilt-ridden. I pray for forgiveness. But mostly I pray for more strength. What I honestly want is less temptation. There are some shows I used to watch on NETFLIX. I don’t watch them. TV doesn’t make me sin, but it sure makes me want to. I don’t put myself in too many compromising positions. My girlfriend and I have actual exit strategies because I know if I make it anywhere near her car, I’m going to lose control. (Not like some sort of monster. But we want to have sex.) So we know that any opportunity to have sex is basically the decision to have sex.

Watch out for those fake tests. I do. Before I call a sibling I might be mad at, I talk to someone. I get information. I make sure I take the time to sort out my feelings and gain a sense of grace before I unleash my temper and sharp judgmental opinions on someone I love.

I’m not perfect. I’m not sitting here free of sin and blame patiently waiting for my mom to be rid of this cancer. I’m fighting. I’m fighting every moment to resit that temptation. Even imagining the cost (whether that price is biblically accurate or not), I give in. But then I have to move on. I have to try harder and be better.

The more I’ve done it, the easier it’s gotten. Those first weeks I was saying my little verbal resets about three or four times an hour (I actually counted one day). Now, I feel a smidgen of pride when a lustful or judgmental thought pops into my head. I’m shocked, humiliated and ashamed of the thought. I orient on God and move on. (Some days I still need those orders a lot more than others).   The pride comes from how long it’s been since I’ve even thought about it.

I just didn’t want people thinking this trail has gone on without evidence of my unworthiness. The simple fact is I’m unworthy. But I still believe my efforts and work with Jesus will lead to the miracle of my mom’s health. David sinned in (I think it was) 2 Samuel. David was held accountable, but God didn’t abandon him.

Goodness I think every book in the Old Testament is essentially a rerun of the Israelites turning from God, getting punished and then welcomed back. I’m in 2 Kings now, and God has taken kings and tribe members back over and over again. The only thing more constant than his sovereignty is his forgiveness for those who repent.

I just wish I didn’t have to repent so much.

 

 

Questions and Revelations

You hate violence? You were in the military?

Yes, and as a Sailor, I protected my country from those who wanted to inflict violence upon it. We protected. Sometimes we went on the offensive, but only with information and reason to believe our country was in danger. Also, I never hit, punched, shouted at or killed anyone. In my 10 years of service, I only had to raise my rifle in combat one time (for about three seconds). I’m grateful I never had to pull the trigger or even aim at a person. Would I have? Yes, because we were in a bad place looking for bad people who we already knew wanted to hurt us. Don’t mistake violence and protection. At least not as I see them. We in the military protect our country. We don’t just bomb people because they didn’t do their homework before a global meeting.

What kind of sin are we talking about?

I think about my boss and Christian friends here a lot. They seem so perfect to me. So one day, I sat down with a few of them and simply spoke candidly about my my temptations and my struggles.

There are people who walk to work (not my work, I say with pride) and brag about that girl they met or that place they went last night.

Why can’t we even talk in the most private areas about the sins against which we’re struggling?

Half my struggle comes from the shame I feel at even acknowledging my temptation. I’m not just ashamed at the desire. I’m ashamed because a good number of people I know (and even those I love) would think it’s ridiculous to feel ashamed for wanting to have sex with my girlfriend.

For the record, I’m not going to publicly itemize my current list of sinful desires and feelings.  I can click on the “Fantasy” search bar on my blog to look for a review on a book and find all sorts of other types of “fantasy” information, but where does one go to talk openly about their actual temptations in order to fight them?

It isn’t any church I’ve been too. It isn’t anywhere I know of. Then I just asked someone. I sat down with two of the finest Christians I know and asked them to hear me out. They offered to double date with my girlfriend and me. They offered an open ear when I wanted to work through my anger and judgement. I almost always feel I know the right thing to do, and those who disagree are wrong, even if in a well-meaning way.  It’s worse because I usually find a number of people agree with my thoughts.  That’s true. I’m very logical. I’m logical and rational to a sinful degree. Logic and reason don’t make me right.

I think we Christians need a “safe space.” I said above it’s no church I’ve been to, but I’ve seen some pretty bad churches, and I’ve never felt safe in one since my mother divorced my bio-dad. So your church might have one. Everyone needs it. We need someone to speak to frankly. I’m having lustful thoughts. I’m having judgmental thoughts. Pray with me. Help me turn from this sin.

It’s so unfortunate we live in a world where it’s socially acceptable to talk and laugh about sins we commit, but no the moment someone says, “Hey, I’m trying to avoid this,” they’re met with mockery or judgement.

My advice for those listeners? Don’t mock a person. Don’t challenge them. If someone says, “I’m trying to be less judgmental,” don’t reply with, “That jerk is wrong, and you’re fine pointing it out.”  Maybe open The Bible and look up passages that relate. If you’re not a person of faith, you can still help anyone struggling with sin. You can listen. You can offer to distract them. I have one friend who distracts me with talk about books.  I don’t think he’s religious at all (we haven’t spoken about it at length). I think my coworkers are just amazing examples of how to help.

How much better is it?

I have good days and bad. I go on some win streaks I think are impressive. Before my girlfriend, and before my mom got sick, I struggled against sin, but I almost always lost. I think my own soul wasn’t worth enough in my own eyes. I’m like that. I don’t actually care too much about myself in some ways. (I promise I make up for it with selfishness in other ways.) But I typically think others are more important than I am. I didn’t (and maybe I still don’t) think enough of the worth of my soul. But my mom’s well being? That’s worth anything to me. I have slumps too. But those friends I mentioned above are critical then. I hope you feel how I feel one day. This security knowing I can turn to someone. I can say, “Hey, I’m thinking of sinning,” and not only will they not judge or condemn me, but they’ll also do their best to help me orient on God.

You said you sinned, do you honestly worry that sin might cost your mom her health?

Dude, God wiped out entire bloodlines for sin. 2 Kings is pretty much a literal record of, “That guy sinned in God’s eyes, so his family was wiped off the face of the earth.”  The overzealous people I refer to as Bible-thumpers love pointing out those sections of The Bible. But I’m actively reading that book right now. Those sinners are willfully, without remorse or contrition, sinning and worshiping other gods. If you read the rest of it, while all who sin were punished (and they were), the punishments for those who repent and show remorse are far different than the others.

I talk about David and how he got a man killed so David could have his wife. He took her, she became pregnant. God said that baby would die, and it happened. God didn’t stop that from happening. David showed remorse. He did everything he could to act right after the sin, but it didn’t stop the punishment God said would come. However, that same woman bore David another child. I’m not saying, “Don’t worry, they made another.” I’m simply pointing out that David was still given blessings even after being punished.

Why should anyone follow a God who’d kill a baby just to punish someone?

Well, I struggle with a direct answer. First, God didn’t pop down and smite the baby. The baby just died (I think I remember it had gotten sick).  There are things I’m still trying to work out. One thing though: Dude, David killed a man just so he could have sex with the guy’s wife. Some may argue, kill David. I’m not in any way going to pretend to know God’s will or plan. What I do know though is that David did a lot of things afterward that helped establish Israel, and his children had a lot more to do. What could that child have done? Anything. It was a baby, and I don’t want any baby to die, born or not if we’re speaking on the record. I can’t tell you why you should do anything. What I can say with confidence is that God punishes sin, but he still forgives and grants blessings to those who show remorse. I’m honestly terrified every time I catch myself fantasizing about my girlfriend. One time, my sister called. If I’m being honest, I was in the middle of a particularly vivid and long lasting fantasy. I saw that call and nearly had a heart attack. (As I type this, My mom is still well for those who might be worried at this point).  It doesn’t stop me. That fear, keeps me in line a lot more than the desire for blessings do.

If any who are more trained and understanding of scripture care to chime in here I’m happy to listen.

If you have other questions regarding my faith or thoughts or actions at this point, feel free to ask, and I’ll add them to the blog.  I try to ensure these passages are self reflective. My chaplain told me to take this opportunity to look at myself, but at the moment, those were the only real thoughts going through my mind. Questions might help me remember other thoughts or parts of The Bible I’d overlooked while typing this post.

Thanks for reading

Matt

A One-Star Review for Caught

Greetings all,

[image error]I’m not sure how others may feel about this post, and I honestly hoped I wouldn’t have to worry about the conundrum, but certain things in the artistic fields are inevitable. That said, Caught received a one-star review today.

So why am I posting about it? Because it’s a review. I think it’s important at this time to ask you all kindly not to vent or insult the reader if you feel inclined. Why? Because he cared enough to leave a review. Every review, good or bad, is precious to me. It let’s me know what I’m doing right and what I’m doing wrong. Granted, he didn’t exactly tell people why they shouldn’t buy my book, but he cared enough to click a rating and leave a comment. That’s all I ask of any reader. You don’t have to like the book. I’m still honored he tried my book out and offered an opinion. This is why I chose to make this post. If I’m willing to shout to the hills over every five-star review, I better be willing to share the negative. Otherwise, I feel as though I’m being shady. I feel as though I’m hiding the parts of my work people might not want to see.

I want to take this time to thank the reviewer. You gave me the most precious things anyone can: your time and a fair chance to entertain you.

Thanks for reading,

V/R

Matt

Caught and An Unusual Occupation are 99 Cents For AwesomeCon!

Greetings all,

[image error]Today’s a big day! AwesomeCon is just a few hours away, and I’m stoked!  Like I do with most conventions, I’ve brought the price of a few of my ebooks down to 99 cents. From now until the end of the convention, Caught and An Unusual Occupation will be 99 cents.

I hope to see all of you at the convention. I have my panel (which I feel I can legitimately call a staple at the convention) Pitfalls of Unwary Self Publishers, which is Friday at 6 p.m.  I have some new data to share if you’ve been there before, and I always like telling my story. I want to do everything I can to make sure everyone who wants to get publish can. It should be the fans’ right to like or hate your work, but it always deserves to be seen.

I hope to see you there, but if you can’t make it, please consider giving either (or both, you can buy both) of these books a chance.

Thanks for reading,

Matt

Book Review: Oathbringer by Brandon Sanderson (Second Read)

[image error]Image taken from the book’s buy page on Amazon for review purposes under Fair Use doctrine.

Spoiler Free Summary: Oathbringer is the third book in the Stormlight Archive by Brandon Sanderson.  My review for Book One is here. My review for Book Two is here. Dalinar Kholin has reached Urithiru. The Voidbringers have returned. However, Roshar isn’t united. While Odium’s forces gather, Dalinar must strive to find a way to get the nations to work together. But as he works toward his goal, his past begins to haunt him all over again. Kaladin returns home to face his past and learns the Voidbringers aren’t what he thought they were, in fact, they’re not what anyone thought they were. Shallan’s secrets mount against her, but the only way for her to progress is to continue to face them. Each role she takes fractures her mind again, and she must take control before she faces the challenges before her.

 

I wanted to do something different for this review since it wasn’t so long ago I did the original review. First off, I’m a huge fan of Sanderson. I’d read a napkin he scribbled on if he cared to sell it to me. So I wanted to point out some things I think are quintessential Sanderson using this book as an example.

The endings: Dear goodness this man knows how to write endings. They’re always fast paced and satisfying. This book is no different. To quantify it, I read the last fight in a night, maybe three hours. When I listened to it (additional readings are always done via audiobook), it turns out that’s seven hours. He drags you through. From the formation of the army at Thalen City to the last scene of the book, I couldn’t put it down, and every single event was total fan gratification. I count three “hopes” my brother and I had which were all met during that last portion of the book.

The magic system(s): Sanderson has a comic book nerd level of magic in his books. I love this because I remember being a kid and arguing who would win in a fight. I have a lot of fun theorizing what could be done with certain ability or how it might be used later. This book has a few cool new tricks, and hints at more cool stuff to come. I think anyone who loves X-Men or other superpower comic books should check out his work.

[image error]Photo by Nazrilof taken from Mr. Sanderson’s website.

 

The characters: I’m simultaneously impossible and easy to please. I need sympathetic, proactive characters. Even the guy pouring the tea in this book has some degree of motivation and sympathy. I genuinely believe Sanderson has this wiki-document, and every character in it has an entire life story we haven’t seen. I don’t personally take that much effort.  I’m like, “Dude, I just need someone to pour the tea.” This level of care is what separates the great from the rest, and frankly, I need to start respecting that. Dalinar and Kaladin are two amazing characters. I’m also personally a fan of Adolin, who I feels like the Dangerfield of the series. “I get no respect at all!”

The potential: What I mean by this is my favorite thing about a series (any long-format story) is the ability to theorize and guess. As I mentioned above, my brother and I had a lot of fun 1) trying to guess who Odium’s champion would be and 2) Rooting for Adolin to…well…do something he did. For the record, Ben was right, and I was wrong, but I’m very happy I was wrong. This sort of conversation starter is why shows like Walking Dead and Stranger Things are so popular. They generate conversation and fun.

Worldbuilding: Ok, this honestly isn’t something I personally love, but he’s great at it. The history, scope, and detail of this world (and the Cosmere) make a beautiful spiderweb look like a 2-year-old’s rage scribble. I don’t dislike it, but I think there are times when he’s just showing off (look how expansive this planet is). But I love the fact that I know there’s a rich history. Much like Wheel of Time, I’m interested in so much of the history. I’d rather not get that history lesson right in the middle of a book, but I’d honestly read a book about the ancient history of Roshar. Honestly, I’d read the book Way of Kings (not the actual book, but the one referenced).  I’d read Dalinar’s Oathbringer, and I’d really love to get my hands on Hessi’s Mythica. I mean, I’d honestly buy those books if Brandon writes them or makes them available.  I won’t read a textbook on grammar, but I’d read Mythica to learn more about the unmade (shows why my priorities are jacked).

Some of these items are things I review every time, but I want to expand on them a bit to better articulate why I feel Sanderson is simply the best in the game.  I hope it adds a bit of spice to my usual Wednesday reviews.

Thanks for reading,

Matt

Testimony: My Trial of Faith as My Mom Struggled With Cancer Part 4

See Part 1 here.

See Part 2 here.

See Part 3 here.

Cancer

I’ve always been a man obsessed with the plan. I’ve always been hateful of change. The reason for this is the simple fact that nobody changes what they’re doing for a good reason.

So when my little sister sent me a text to tell me Mom wasn’t heading home, I knew something was off. I called my older sister to see why Mom was staying at her house in Phoenix instead of going home as planned.

“It’s cancer,” she said.

They needed to do more tests and see what was going on, but they new it was cancer.

I talked with my older sister. (I have several of those. I’m speaking most specifically about my next oldest sister.) Then I got a hold of my dad, the man who’d already lost a brother and a mother to that same monster. I really hate cancer. I’m going to go on the record as saying it’s bad.

My dad is Superman. He’s calm, cool and collected. He always knows what to do. He always knows how to handle a situation. I can’t say I’ve ever actually heard or seem him cry, but that phone call was the fourth time I’ve ever heard his voice crack, and I don’t know what the hell I’m supposed to do when Superman himself is struggling. He held it together.

“It’s just another bump in the road,” he told me, repeating what he’d told my mom. Like I said: Superman.

I got a hold of my brother (that older sister’s husband).  In a matter of hours, they made room in their house, got everything set up and made sure my mom would be comfortable. They didn’t even blink. All they did was focus on making their home comfortable and inviting. My brother and I stayed positive. We both still felt (and feel) that everything would work out.

I, unfortunately, was having this conversation over the phone while standing in an H & R Block waiting for an appointment. I didn’t care. When I hung up after that last phone call, I got down on my knees, put my elbows on a chair, and prayed.

“Heavenly father thank you and praise you for how generous and strong my family is being. I’m scared now, and it’s hard to fight through that fear to remember I’ve surrender this problem to you. Lord I’m reminding myself that there is no problem you can’t solve. There’s not disease you can’t heal.”

I don’t know if anyone watched. I didn’t pray out loud. I whispered the words, reminding myself that God has a pretty good habit of healing sicknesses. He’s even brought people back from the dead (I can count five right off the top of my head).

They didn’t have a lot more information, and I was too shell shocked to do much more with it. All I wanted was to do my crummy taxes. All of these events happened over the course of about four days, and each of those days dealt a new blow. Adding that to the list of what now seem pathetically hilarious other issues just felt like a new test.

So I reminded myself: The more afraid I feel, the more I’m hit, the more I’ll praise God, the more I’ll trust him.

It was hard to do it, but I did, and a week later, I’d see some of the results of that trust.

 

 

Questions and Revelations

How hard was it to pray in public like that?

Not hard at all. I wasn’t thinking about my pride or what people would think. I thought, “Hey, I’m in a pretty big pile of doubt right now, and I made a promise to God.”  I honestly wasn’t the least bit concerned with what others thought. I was honestly more concerned with how I’d react if anyone felt like challenging my freedom of religion at that exact moment.

A brief tangent: I gave real thought to the question of if people would react to my praying as I typed this post. Here’s the thing: Why is it okay to march and protest in anger, but a guy can’t pray in public without making folks uncomfortable? I could have written a sign, started shouting, and I probably would have had ten or twenty people out there shouting with me.

Why are we more willing to show our outrage at life than we are to show our faith in God?  I don’t have the answer to this question, I’m honestly asking you, the reader. Those who follow my blog know exactly how much I love the First Amendment. But that reads, “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances.”

But how often do people take what they want from that, and then use it against itself? One possible reason people get uncomfortable? Probably those using religion to speak out against things. The Bible is pretty clear on things that offend God. I’ve seen protests on a few of them. I listen to people speak out and talk about how people who do X are doomed to go to Hell. Funny thing is, I’ve never seen a protest against lying. That is an actual Commandment, but no one is out there shouting or warning people they’ll go to hell for it.

My theory on why: Everybody lies. It’s awful hard to shout out and condemn people for the things they do themselves. It’s awful easy to talk about the sins only some people do, the ones statistical minorities take part in. But that judgment and hate is pretty hard to muster up. Then, all of the sudden, we want to talk about God’s grace and forgiveness because those people, those who only commit the sins everyone else commits are somehow more deserving of God’s grace and forgiveness than those other, more egregious sinners.  I just read about David. God loved him. God made him king over all Israel. Then David murdered a man just to sleep with the man’s wife. Why will you never see me using God’s judgement as a platform for my protest? Because all sinners are deserving of God’s sovereignty, and I’d rather not draw more attention to myself.

Sin is sin people. This creates an argument that divides from God. Some who read this will think I’m wrong because people should warn about sin. Some will argue I’m right to call others out.  I’m not trying to create another fight. But I’d rather proclaim God. Praise him publicly and worship him. All sinners deserve his sovereignty, I get that. But I’ll leave it to God to judge. I’m going to love my neighbors and praise my God. Does that make me ignorant to the things The Bible says is wrong? Does it make me disagree with the stances of some of those protestors? No, but it just starts a fight.  Those fights are the very things that divide when what I want us to do is unite.

I don’t intend to pray publicly every single day. I just don’t feel any shame over doing it when I feel it’s appropriate: Grace, hearing my mom has cancer, and before the 49ers play.

Did anyone say anything?

Nope. I’m certain I was obviously shaken and upset. I play poker well, but that’s about the only time in life where I don’t over-express my feelings. I didn’t break down and cry, but I wanted to. However, I was clearly emotional. Blessings in disguise? That day, the tax folks were really backed up. They were worried I’d be pissed they wouldn’t help me at the appointed time. If I’m being honest, had I not received that phone call, I would have been. I would have probably barked and grunted about how people should do the things they’d said they’d do when they said they’d do them. I have a tendency to do that. But that delay (I think it was like three hours), was just enough time for me to call my loved ones, figure out what was happening, get my emotions under control, and even grab so food. Had they been ready for me, I’d have gotten that news right in the middle of the appointment.

Did you still really believe God would fix this?

I did and I do. As I type this, I’ve just finished reading 2 Kings 4.  God, through one of the prophets (I can’t spell these names), brought a child back from the dead. To be honest, I’m seeing a ton of miracles in both the Old and New Testaments. I knew about Lazarus and Jesus, but God actually brought at least a handful of people back to life.  The hard part for some might be believing he’d do so today, but why wouldn’t he? Now, does that mean he will? Like I said, I believe, but it’s his call. I’m just testifying as I swore to Him I would.

What kind of Caner is it?

I’m not sure at the moment. My dad helped me understand a bit when I called him a week later (which I’ll talk about in a few weeks). I’m trying to get details and learn more, mostly because I want to find out exactly which type of cancer I’m going to go after first in what’s become a personal vendetta against the disease. My intention is to use the proceeds of any sales of this memoir to fight that specific form of cancer.

Did you actually go through with the tax appointment? 

Why wouldn’t I? If I trust God, then I should just live my life and handle my responsibilities, shouldn’t I? I’m of the opinion that had I freaked out and gone home and moped, that would be the literal opposite of trusting God. I was sad. I sent a quick message to a core group of friends who I knew would check up on me. I needed a few to get my mind together. I didn’t want to do anything. I wanted to go home, get in bed, and stay there until this was all over. The problem is, that wouldn’t have been me showing God I trust him.

I still refused (and still refuse) to be like those early Israelites who complained and shouted, “why did we do this” every time things got difficult. It didn’t work for them, so I have reason to believe it wouldn’t work for me.  I continue to believe. I made up a few new catch phrases and took further measures to obey God’s will. I’m still convinced that is the way to save my mom. He’ll take care of her. That miracle (worked through people just as he’s done in several examples in The Bible), will happen; and this testimony will chronicle that miracle.

I get that you acted like you trusted God, but did you really just shrug and move on with your day?

I bet I look like that to a lot of people. The thing is I’ve always been able to compartmentalize. But I break eventually. I’ve broken five or six times I can think about just as I type this. Each time, however, I refocus and work harder to feed my faith and trust in God. Yes, I worry. I absolutely let that fear bring me to anger (which I’ll talk about next week, but I can only do so much. My plan was that if I kept acting and doing as I should, I’d gain confidence and peace as I went. Not to spoil any of the future posts, but it’s working. The more I trust, the less I worry. The more I trust, the more things start to happen in all the best ways.

If you have other questions regarding my faith or thoughts or actions at this point, feel free to ask, and I’ll add them to the blog.  I try to ensure these passages are self reflective. My chaplain told me to take this opportunity to look at myself, but at the moment, those were the only real thoughts going through my mind. Questions might help me remember other thoughts or parts of The Bible I’d overlooked while typing this post.

Thanks for reading

Matt

A Busy Few Days!

Hey all,

I usually post on Saturdays, but today got away from me. Just know that I’m working on something very exciting, and I’ll announce it as soon as it’s ready (in a manner of speaking). I haven’t forgotten about any of you, but I just need this extra day to get things situated.

Thanks for reading,

Matt

Light: It’s Why Some Covers Just Don’t Look Right

Greetings all,

Still need another week to get a few reviews prepped, so I thought I’d talk about book covers.

Last time, I talked about font and text. I’ve seen a lot of great covers ruined because of text, but this time, I’d like to point out the subtle things about light that make an image feel more realistic.

Usually, when someone looks at a cover, and it just feels wrong, it’s because the light is off. Most untrained eyes won’t be able to note the shadows are going the wrong way or the center of interest isn’t separated enough from the background. What the viewers do notice though is a general feeling of “not right.”

As I normally do, I’m not going to call out covers I think did it wrong. First off, it’s not very nice. Second off, I’m much more invested in showing off covers that did it right.

So I’d like to take a look at a few covers and explain how the light made the image work.

[image error]

 

This cover is an example of controlled shadows, and well done rim light. The rim light is the bright light surrounding the subject. What it does is separate the subject from the background. It helps the character leap off the cover. It adds dimension to the cover.

The key light (the main light making it so we can see what’s going on) is coming from above the subject. The brim of the hat casts a shadow down over the bridge of the subject’s nose.

Notice how the face is lit. The artist used the light from that wand (or staff or whatever) to give his face a little detail. That’s a nice touch, and a good understanding  of light. That staff light acts as a fill light. Fill lights soften shadows or remove shadows depending on what the artist wants. Not that there are shadows. Shadows are important. An image without any shadow is called flat. No one wants a flat image. In terms of lighting, this image does everything an artist should do.

 

This image also stands out because of its light. [image error]

Notice this also has rim light. I teach my students, “Everything is better with a backlight.” I tend to believe in that to an obstinate degree.

This technique is called split light. The light comes from the left. Note the face has two sides: a lit side, and a shadow side. What’s really important is that same rule (left side brighter than the right) holds true to the whole body.

Also notice that the subject stands out from a clean, back-lit background. When artists understand light, they can make an image feel three dimensional even though they work in a two-dimensional medium.

So when you’re hire an artist, look at their work. Are the shadows consistent? Does the subject stand out from the background, or does the subject look pasted onto the background? Are there highlights (a spot on the subject that is brighter than the rest)? These questions will help you find the more talented artists from the newer ones.

Thanks for reading,

Matt