M.L.S. Weech's Blog, page 73

Testimony: My Trial of Faith as My Mom Struggled With Cancer Part 10

See Part 1 here.

See Part 2 here.

See Part 3 here.

See Part 4 here.

See Part 5 here.

See Part 6 here.

See Part 7 here.

See Part 8 here.

See Part 9 here.

The Dangers of Complacency and Regression

 

Last week I was a tad embarrassed to admit a slip. This week, I’m ashamed to admit a complete collapse of all that I’ve built through this journey. If that statement isn’t literally true, it feels so emotionally.

I felt blindsided by the amount of temptation just launched at me. The shame is how readily I succumbed to it. It started with a slip, developed into a slide and evolved in to a full out collapse of everything I was trying to do to be a better christian. If I’m being honest, I still don’t have the slightest clue where it all started other than a few moments of pride and one particular night of stubborn refusal to go to sleep (over a video game of all things).

I’m of the opinion that taking my mind off pleasing God exposed me to this, and I can’t put into words how hard it is (even now) to get back on the right track.

One thing started when I spoke to my boss about a book he’d mentioned. I reminded him he’d mentioned it, and the next day, he gave me a copy.  The book was Found: God’s Will by John MacArthur.  I’ll review that in time, and I don’t want to pull away from those lessons in this post.  However, it’s important to note.

I was in a freefall. All I knew was I clearly needed to do more to get back closer to God. So I resolved to grab the Audible edition of the book and listen to it on the way home. Thursday is date night, and that’s when I came to the edge.

I wanted nothing more than to give in completely. I wanted to take my girlfriend to my home so we could have our way with each other.

“What’s wrong with a boyfriend and girlfriend being together?” (NOTE: Being together is a euphemism for having sex.)  It’s a sin. Do people do it? Have christians done it? Doesn’t it happen all the time?

I was quite aware of every single one of those rationalizations as she and I approached that cliff, and I admit I was the aggressor in that situation. I wasn’t approaching this metaphorical cliff. I was sprinting headlong at it with every intention to jump and enjoy the satisfaction of the moment it would have brought.

Problem (or blessing depending on your perspective) was I knew it was wrong. Everybody does it! 

Doesn’t make it right.

No one will blame you!

Doesn’t make it right.

“Damn! Damn! Damn! Damn!” I said.  It startled her.  I was enjoying the moment. The curses weren’t from anything she did, but from my realization that I knew this was wrong, and I was going to stop.

What I did first was pull out my Bible and read the next chapter. I’m still making my way across the Old Testament (2 Chronicles at the moment).  I read it out loud, and she listened.

Then I talked about MacArthur’s book. At that particular moment, I was angry. To tease the upcoming review. This book made me very angry. The anger was cog. I wasn’t in a mind-space to understand the content of the book (I finished it that night).  Here I was struggling with temptation, and what bothered me most is I see two sets of people.

First: There are those who live in sin and, by my observation, feel no remorse or guilt. This observation doesn’t change how I feel about them, but it’s such pressure.  I feel this whenever someone’s dieting and I’m not. But let’s hold on to that metaphor. You ever see someone on a diet, even if they look fine to you, but you know they’re on that diet.  Imagine sitting in front of them and eating your favorite dessert.  That’s how I feel right now. It honestly seems like everyone is getting what they want, “boo-hoo!” “Whoa is me!” “Insert selfish whining.” As I type this, I realize how pathetic that all sounds, but darn it, it doesn’t take away the feeling does it? It doesn’t remove the incredible pressure created by seeing those who have and realizing you don’t. The reason why doesn’t matter. Fact is, some have, and I don’t have, and I want. This is some pretty powerful temptation for me.

Second: There are those who I respect and believe are saved. I was particularly angry at MacArthur, a man I’d never met. The fact is though, he’s a respected leader in christianity. My Boss. One particular coworker. My chaplain at work. The fact is though, they’re all married, which means they get to do the thing I wanted to do. What really bothered me was they seem perfect.  “You’re not tempted!” “You’re not facing this extreme desire and pressure from every angle!”  Here they are talking about how free they are from sin, and I honestly felt like shouting at each and every one of them, “It must be nice to live a life without temptation!”

For the record, that’s the most ridiculous thing I could ever say. But the trick is, I don’t talk to them about their temptations, and they don’t talk to me about it. Now, my boss and I probably shouldn’t talk on this level. An unduly familiar relationship is flat out wrong in any company, so it’s just not appropriate to have confessionals with your boss.  But even if that weren’t the case, I felt this extreme anger at living with temptation and not feeling like I could talk to anyone about it.

So I talked to my girlfriend. We talked about it, but we didn’t just confess what we wanted (and by that time it was pretty obvious). We spoke about those temptations under the knowledge that these temptations were wrong. Maybe not how you’d want to spend date night, but we felt a ton of relief.

So what does this have to do with my mom? Good question.  I’m still aware that my sin has consequences.  God and his sovereignty reigns absolute. We didn’t cross “the line,” but I gave in to pretty much every other desire you could think of. All the while, as afraid as I was that my sin would legitimately motivate God to alter my mother’s condition was there. Look, it’s not right to say we had a deal.  God doesn’t work with a bartering system. But when this began, I felt (and still feel) that this was a calling to action for me. I’m supposed to be testifying about God’s grace and wonders. I’m supposed to be telling everyone about how this trial is bringing me closer, and here I am, hypocritically sliding away from God.

Where do I get off? What right do I have? What I realize is that my anger and flat-out jealousy of the people mentioned above is a lesson. Oh that’s a sin for those of you keeping score at home, but I learned from it. I feel ashamed by it. But I saw this world that I currently have broken into two people and want to create or find a third.

I want to live in a world where those struggling with temptation can speak honestly and frankly with others who are tempted. I want this to be a place where those people aren’t judged for their temptations either because they’re sins or because they’re sins that “everybody does.” I want to live in a world where a man saying, “I’m really struggling here,” is met by, “OK, let’s talk about it.”

Again, that world might exist. I might have excluded myself. I’m still very isolated at church. Look, I’m scared. That church has done nothing to make me feel afraid or trapped, but my past has made me afraid of churches. Especially when I hear people talk about “right” churches and “wrong” churches. Even synonyms that still imply that, “Oh, our church  has it figured out.  We’re the saved ones.  Pity those who don’t see God the way we do.”  This church does not do that either.

It’ll take time for me to trust, and it’s a process I have to work thought. I know the church has a men’s group and other things that are designed to help people remain spirit-filled and sanctified.

However, my fear and personal issues leave me open to temptation and cut off from a resource that could help me avoid it. So I bring this up for those who read this.

Be the one willing to listen and encourage, even if you don’t agree. In the interest of understanding anyone can read this, please don’t encourage a person who want’s to do something wrong. Refer them to a psychiatrist or professional. Do not encourage someone who wants to do something illegal or something that will harm the person or others. This disclaimer brought to you by those who honestly fear some parts of the world today.

What I mean is wherever you are in life, faith or religion, don’t be the one who adds to the pressure for someone. Don’t be the guy eating a bowl of ice cream in front of the person who’s trying to lose 10 pounds. Don’t be the guy who fits in size 28 jeans telling the guy in size 30 or 50 jeans, “it’s not that hard!” Yes it is hard! Even if it’s only hard for that person! Be encouraging.  You may even have to be a bit harsh in some degrees.

When I called my mom this week, she was about to eat dinner. I only had a few minutes to tell her I love her and check on things. We’re days away from the end of the treatment phase, and I wanted to be encouraging. Treat everyone like someone struggling with cancer. Encourage everyone like you’d want to encourage someone with cancer. Treat people like people always. You don’t know the state of mind of the guy you pass on the street or the coworker who makes a random statement.

Look, I’m not a very sympathetic person. I’m really not! I’m old-school, get up and dust yourself off in most cases. I am, however, empathetic. I try to respect how people feel. For the record, (my sister reads this blog), I’ve eaten so many cookies in front of her while she was trying to diet. Sis, I’m sorry. It was humbling to be battered by my own temptation and realize how hard it is to look for support. Let’s not even compare that to how hard it is to ask for help. It doesn’t matter. Talk to your loved ones. Tell them what you’re trying to do. And if you’re one of those loved ones, don’t make it worse. Don’t tell them why you don’t understand why it’s hard. Don’t be the one to the further humiliate them. Just listen if that’s all you can do. Just encourage them if you’re willing. If you’re a person of faith, a believer, then pull out the Bible and see what God has to say on the matter.

Everything started to even out once I did that. I did, in fact, tell my chaplain how hard it is to listen to him and look at him sometimes. “All I see is a happy, successful man who has it all figured out.”  We spoke, and I need to speak to him way more than I currently do. But for those of you struggling with sin. If you feel like I did in that moment, trapped between those who don’t care and those who don’t understand how hard it is, please, reach out. Sin is sin. So if it’s that feeling of jealousy at that guy who got the promotion you wanted, talk about it. If it’s that feeling of wrath about that guy who cut you off, talk about it. The more urgent the temptation, the more urgently you should seek out the opportunity to talk about it.

Going through this made me even more willing to listen to my mom. To be even more understanding and encouraging. For the record, it doesn’t make it right. It humbled me. I hope I’m better for it, but my sins are wrong, and I’m not “permitted” to do them. I do hope that this learning experience allows me to help someone else see it. Don’t be the pressure.  Be the encouragement.

 

 

Questions and Revelations

Are you afraid your sin might cause God to further inflict your family?

Yes! I’m terrified. God is sovereign. Oh I’m hoping for his mercy and grace, but that doesn’t exclude me from it. I’ll say this though, this temptation for me is suffering in it’s own right. By denying it, and seeing others have what I want, it hurts. My only course of action is to try and be more spirit-filled and sanctified. Reduce my temptations or opportunity for temptation and talk about it when I feel such. No, I’m not going to date my girlfriend less. I have so much more in my life I can do better that will make me stronger when I’m with her. Now that we know we can talk about our temptation together, I think we’re stronger as a couple for it.

Who else do you talk to?

I’m lucky enough to work in a military environment, so I have my chaplain.  But there were times I’ve gone to churches just to speak with a pastor or priest. I liked that because I was out of town, so I had a lot of anonymity. I could talk to a guy I was pretty sure I’d never see again about my temptations and not worry I’d see him again.  I’ve never walked into a church (however you think of them) and asked to speak with someone about my temptation and been pulled away.  All my bad experiences aside, I can even say that not once has one of those pastors or priests (I think I’ve randomly walked into a church about four or five times), made me feel persecuted or judged.  Most of them just told me about prayers or referred me to certain verses of the Bible.

Most addictions (if that’s what you’re struggling with) have hotlines. I think AA has it figured out better than most. I’ve been to a few meetings as part of my studies for various positions in the Navy.

Form your own group.  I mean, if you start a chess club if you like chess.  You start a fantasy football draft if you all like football.  There has to be ONE person you hang out with you feel you can talk to without fear of judgment or ridicule.  Just tell that person, “Hey, I’m trying to do this thing, and I need some help.”

Which brings me to my final revelation.

You can’t do it alone. You can’t do anything alone.  I know you think you get those pants on just fine, but frankly someone taught you how to do that years ago.  Humanity isn’t designed for isolation. I am a believer, so that means I’m aware that I can’t do a darn thing (good or bad) without God’s will. That said, here on Earth, we need others to encourage us. Society pressures us (in good or bad ways) into acting. All last week I thought I could climb out of that pit on my own.  I couldn’t do it. Worse, I was going to drag my girlfriend down with me. It wasn’t until we decided to orient ourselves on God and what we wanted to do (follow his word) that things got easier. You need someone. Don’t lie to yourself. Don’t pretend you’ve “been fine on your own.”  No, you may not need anyone to help you with your pants these days, but you still need someone to help you through the times you already know you’re struggling. Don’t let pride or shame be the reason you don’t seek help from someone.

If you have other questions regarding my faith or thoughts or actions at this point, feel free to ask, and I’ll add them to the blog.  I try to ensure these passages are self reflective. My chaplain told me to take this opportunity to look at myself, but at the moment, those were the only real thoughts going through my mind. Questions might help me remember other thoughts or parts of The Bible I’d overlooked while typing this post.

Thanks for reading

Matt

Benchmarks and Thanks! The Initial Results of My Giveaway With Both an Emotional and Marketing Perspective

Greetings all,

[image error]Last week was a whirlwind for me a in a lot of ways. But for those interested in marketing and for those interested in my life as an author, I thought it’d be nice to simply give a look at the results for my giveaway.

Premise:

I knew I had Bob’s Greatest Mistake coming out (it’s out now, and still 99 cents until May 15). I wanted to get Bob some visibility, and I knew this option from KDP was available. When I do anything, I like to have reasonable expectations. I also want clear, measurable goals.

Goals:

Get Bob on the top 100 list.

Get at least 100 downloads.

Get 25 reviews.

Reasoning:

Getting Bob on the top 100 list for his category gains the visibility I wanted. The more I can get Bob in front of viewers, the more likely it is someone will give him a chance. Giving copies away now and getting him on that list could gain those I call loyal readers.

Knowing how many followers I have on various social media, Choosing a small fraction of that number (about 10 percent), I felt was reasonable. It still meant there were people at least rooting for me and willing to help out. If those downloads become reads, that’s even better.  But…

…. if those reads become reviews, now we’re talking. If I earn 25 reviews on Amazon, first, it means 25 more people actually read my book, which is awesome! Also, This gets me more visibility on Amazon. This number should be enough to start getting Amazon to recommend it to other readers.

Results:

[image error]Bob made it as high as #31 on Amazon’s Free Paranormal Thrillers category! Honestly, Bob’s never sniffed a ranking that high before. This achievement alone would be enough to consider this campaign a huge success, but it didn’t end there.

I had 140 downloads for Bob. For those who read this post, I offered little demonstrations of appreciation for each benchmark, and we hit 100.  Not quite enough for a karaoke song, but still, so many people turned up to give Bob some love!  This puts me past the 500 mark in terms of “sold” books.  Sure, they were free, but at the end of the day, people picked my book. There are lots of free books out there in the world, and you all chose to give mine a try. That matters. I appreciate it! It means the world to me. I even sold a few copies of Bob’s Greatest Mistake and Caught. Again, even if this was all that happened, I’d call this a huge win. That said, the 100 copies people picked up in five days was more than 1/4 of the books I’d sold in the last three years.  Like I said, success!

It’s too early honestly to talk about reviews. While I did post a review that appeared during the giveaway, I’m not convinced that copy was downloaded during that this. I’m pretty sure that was an individual who bought the book earlier and finished it in a very timely manner. If I hit that 25 review benchmark, it would be the first time I’d run a campaign of any sort and had remotely this level of success. I’m eagerly refreshing the page and looking for reviews, but I still think it might be a tad early for anything to come up just yet. This is even more likely if anyone is as remotely loyal to their TBR as I am. Sure, Brandon Sanderson has automatic head-of-the-line privileges in my TBR, but everyone else has to wait their turn.

Those Emotions:

[image error]I’m still in awe of your support. I’ve been at this for a tad more than three years. The blog’s been going for a bit more than a year (I think). It’s just amazing to see how far it’s come and how willing you all are to lend a hand. I can’t repay it. I can’t thank you enough, and there aren’t enough words to express my gratitude anyway. I can only hope that I continue to post content you’re interested in and write stories you love. I hope you enjoy the first part of Bob’s journey as much as I do.

If you have any  questions on logistics, feel free to ask in the comments. For now, I just wanted to sing the praises of a successful campaign.

Thanks for reading,

Matt

Story Review: Supernova from Posh Bytes by C. Rose

[image error]Spoiler Free Summary:  In Supernova, from Posh Bytes by C. Rose, Mink isn’t celebrating her birthday. For her, aging means the end of an illustrious modeling career. Determined to stay on top, she’s ready to give everything to remain the most sought after model in the business, no matter what it cost.

Character:  Mink is tragic, and she represents a lifestyle that is equally so. I honestly associate with her a lot because of her relentless drive. It honestly scared me to see how hard she’s willing to push herself in comparison to how hard I push myself. That gets me thinking. Is it tragic if one attains their life goal? Mink makes me think a lot, and I truly felt for her. Characters that force one to think about their own challenges are what writing is all about.

Exposition: While still a weakness for Rose, it was better in this book. Then again, great characters and interesting conflict tends to cause readers to overlook exposition. Either way, I didn’t notice it so much.

Worldbuilding: While we don’t see too many characters from Eye of the Beholder or The Hawk in this story, we do meet a few other new cast members who bring more value to the world at large. This is still my favorite part about this anthology.

[image error]Dialogue:  If perhaps melodramatic, it was still effective and conversational. Some of the most powerful information and compelling drama came from this aspect of the story.

Description:  As this story relied on description, Rose brought out her A-Game to make it work.  I don’t think things would have came together if this wasn’t where it needed to be. It was, so it did.

Overall:  There are a few stories I think are just amazing in this anthology, and this is one of them. I’d go so far as to say it’s one of the top two, and I really can’t tell which one of those two is the best. I’d say it depends on what you value most as a reader.  I’ll probably lean toward the other (to be reviewed later on this blog)., but this story is great on its own. If you are interested in this anthology. Pick it up. Read this story. If it doesn’t hook you, the rest of the anthology isn’t for you.

Thanks for reading

Matt

The April Book Cover of the Month Begins! (Following a quick announcement)

We interrupt this blog for a brief announcement. Bob’s Greatest Mistake is live! It’ll be 99 cents from today until the 15th. I’d be honored if you would be kind enough to pick up a copy!

We now return you to your regularly scheduled blog.

[image error]Happy first everyone! As is now officially tradition here on my blog, it’s time to start a new book cover of the month competition.

Metal and Stone by Kevin Potter and The Past is Never by Tiffany Quay Tyson join 30 brand new covers this month.

You can vote all the way through the tournament, supporting the covers you like best through each round. I like to make sure people get the credit they deserve, so please show your support. Please vote and share as much as possible to get people a chance to pick their favorite.

As always, I’d appreciate it if you tag the authors and artists if you know them. I try to tag or friend every author I can, but sometimes it’s hard to track someone down. Max participation is a huge deal to me. The more people who vote, the more recognition these authors and artists receive, and I want this to be as legitimate as possible.

[image error]Image taken from Pixabay.

If you are the author, let’s remember to be good sports! 1) Please feel free to message or contact me at any time. 2) Please feel free to like, share, text, ask for support, and call everyone you know. I absolutely want max participation. However, if you’re going to offer giveaways or prizes, please offer them for voting, not just voting for you.

Also, while your summoning your army of voting soldiers, please make sure you ask them to vote in every match. Part of the idea of this is to get exposure to as many artists and authors as possible. By all means, if you can get 1,000 people to vote for your book, do it. Just please also send some eyeballs to the other matches.

A final note to authors and artists: I currently have links to the books’ Amazon pages. If you’d prefer I switch that link to sign up for your newsletter or like your social media page or whatever, just send me the link and let me know. I want this to help you. I want this to be as helpful as possible, so whatever you need me to do to facilitate that, just let me know.

I hope you keep having fun. Please, vote, share, and discuss as much as possible.

All you have to do now is head over here to vote!

Thanks for reading,

Matt

1 More Day! 1 More Chance for a Free Book! Also, a few updates!

[image error]Greetings all,

I had a few announcements to get out to you all, so I took a chance to type up a quick list!

First:

An Unusual Occupation is free for just about another 24 hours. You can download it on Amazon until 11:59 p.m. PDT (which is a bit off from my other scheduled events since I’m on the East Coast).  Bob’s Greatest Mistake will go live May 1! You can still preorder that for just 99 cents.

Second:

I’m still pleading for help getting word out about the giveaway. You’ve all been so amazing, so I’m asking for just one more day of shout outs, tweets, and shares. How much have you already helped? A historic amount. I currently have 110 downloads! I seem to remember promising to perform a trick if I hit that benchmark, so here you go!

I have offered more tricks, but I need your help to hit the benchmarks to make them happen.  I’ve promised to karaoke a song of your choice if I get to 200 downloads.  We’re 73 votes of that as of this moment.

Third:

I’m happy to announce I’ve finished the beta draft of Repressed, my novella featuring Kaitlyn from Caught. I’m proud of how it turned out, and I hope this Young Adult Paranormal Drama gives those of you waiting for Caught’s sequel something to tide you over until I get that out to you, hopefully in the winter of 2019.

[image error]Next up is the developmental draft of Worth of Words, and I work on getting that story and all the Power of Words Anthology stories ready to go.  Once that’s finished (Hopefully next week some time. Definitely in two weeks.),  I’ll be looking for beta readers. If you like science fiction and clever thieving or heist stories, I’ll be sending out a call for beta readers on that story as soon as I finish this draft.

Once I finish Repressed (one more draft!), I’ll start outlining and drafting Betrayed, Book Two of the Oneiros Log.

Thank you all for the support you’ve shown so far! I’m so grateful! Check back tomorrow to start voting on the April Book Cover of the Month!

Thanks for reading,

Matt

 

Testimony: My Trial of Faith as My Mom Struggled With Cancer Part 9

See Part 1 here.

See Part 2 here.

See Part 3 here.

See Part 4 here.

See Part 5 here.

See Part 6 here.

See Part 7 here.

See Part 8 here.

Setbacks

Mom got pretty sick the last week. One of the treatments was causing her some problems. None were, to my knowledge, immediately lethal; but it caused the doctors to roll back some of the treatments at least until things could level out.

My parents lived in a hotel for the bulk of the week, and since my mom isn’t doing all the treatments, they even let her go home.

No one is panicking in any way, and most feel that the most important part of the treatment is still under way. But where I had more confidence this battle would be over soon, I’m wondering how these changes to the treatment affect the chances that the tumor will be small enough to pull out completely.  It’s not a setback with her prognosis, but we’re not fighting with the number of weapons we thought were available. The truth is the only thing we need is God. He’ll work through doctors, but if he doesn’t want this to work, it won’t. I’m just hoping my mom’s sickness (the illness caused by the treatment) passes, and we can get back to using the whole arsenal of treatments. We’ll just have to see.  Nevertheless, I’m thinking about her progress in the battle as I think about my progress with living a more Godly life.

The fact is, I slipped. That word has a kind connotation that I’ll let stand, but it’s a term worth investigating in yourself.

I think some people believe a person wakes up and openly declares, “I’m going to sin today.”

First off, every person sins every day. We’re human; it’s what we do. As humans, we rank offenses to create morals and societal codes, but God doesn’t have such a measuring stick. Sin is offensive to him.

I’ve always been hyper aware of most of my shortcomings and a good number of my sinful habits I need to turn from. The thing is, I think temptation, and in some cases the devil, work in ways each person has opened themselves up to. I don’t know about you; I can only speak about me and my shortcomings.

Sometimes temptation hits me like a hammer.

It can be a dream. I happen to believe that we’re accountable for our dreams as we are for our random thoughts. I don’t pretend to say I have control of my dreams, but God ordained it so the Jews would crucify their savior. Even though God made it happen, they’re still responsible for their actions. This was something the church I attend actually spoke about recently.  I’m also big on responsibility. I declare that everything in my life is somehow my fault. I may not be completely (or even mostly) to blame, but for me to deny any blame for my situation is for me to admit I have no effect on the world around me.

Temptation can be an unexpected conflict. I’m at my worst when conflict comes without time or preparation. That’s when I feel the desire to be angry or judgmental, two things at which I’m particularly good.

Those, let’s call them, sudden battles are often more visual. I’ve had friends approach me and tell me they were proud of how I’d handle this situation or that.  I’ve even woken myself up a time or two. While more visual, I’m not certain they’re the more dangerous types of temptation. I wish I could tell you I overcome sin more than I don’t, but I’m just not sure. I’m afraid (which means it’s probably true) I succumb more often than I don’t. That said, I think I’m far more victorious in those more-intense, short term battles than I am against the thing I want to discuss in this segment.

Temptation can be a combination of whispers and time. Again, I can’t pretend to know what it’s like for others, but for me, I can go on a huge streak where I feel I’m doing well (relative to the Bell curve that is humanity).  But have you ever felt like temptation was metaphorically whispering gently in year ear for a whole day? A week? A month? While I might say I’ve won a victory or two against those sudden, visual battles with temptation. I don’t know that I’ve ever won against this particular form of temptation.

I think people hear on occasion that they need to keep their eyes on God. I’ve even spoken about one of my favorite little catch phrases, “Orient on God.” The fact is though, this takes consistent, vigilant effort. However, when temptation is whispering in my ear, like a dripping faucet or a song I can’t stop humming, it only takes one instant of a glance for temptation to take hold of me.

Once temptation gets a foot in the door, regardless of whether it’s a hammer that cracks your frame or a whisper that seeps from under the door, it’s all the more difficult to expel because you’ve already let it in.

So how does one shore up that door? I’m aware of the passage regarding the armor of God, but I don’t actually recall it.  It’s all well and good to have armor, but if you put on the breast plate after you’ve already been stabbed, how effective is it?

For me, I’m constantly aware of my frame of mind and my triggers. The thing is, I’m human. This is egotistical to say, but I’m pretty good at thinking about a lot of things at once. So it’s hard to focus all my attention on any one thing. This leads me to my point.

We glance from God all the time.  Perhaps you don’t like that accusation.  Very well, I glance from God all the time. I don’t do it maliciously. But the moment our motivation for what we’re doing isn’t “glorify God,” we’re turning from him. Setbacks happen from time to time. Those setbacks can’t be how the devil pulls us from God. It’s an odd compromise, knowing that you’ll always be a sinner forgiven by God because of Jesus’s sacrifice, and feeling like if one were going to sin anyway, the may as well.

I’m not claiming to be saved because I don’t sin. I’m claiming to be saved because Jesus died for all my sins — past, present, or future. The point is we can’t simply let sin creep in simply because of our savior’s sacrifice.

So how do I respond to setbacks? I usually take it as a sign I’ve turned from God, and I need to turn back. I’m most alarmed when some of my more-continuous battles are lost.

Please don’t think of it like a meter. I think that’s the wrong idea at least.  I don’t want to present the idea of, “Oops, I sinned! Guess I need a few more gallons of God juice on the way home.”

What I do think is, “Wow! I’m not keeping my mind on God, much less pleasing him.”

In his book, The problem of Pain, C.S. Lewis asserts pain is a reminder to focus on God. Could that be what’s happening with my mom? Honestly, it could be that. I don’t know that it is. To claim such knowledge would be to claim to know God’s plan. I’ll never do that. The action I take is the only course of action I can think to take.

While I can’t kneel in prayer every minute of every day, I can increase the amount of things I do. I can read more of The Bible. I can memorize verses. Some people do that, I’m not sure how I feel about the concept, and to ponder this would take a lot of time and distract from this train of thought. One thing I’ve started doing is listening to Christian music. I’ve been a huge fan of Flyleaf for years. So when I work out (which is another good thing to do regularly), I listen to that. I find that I think of sin less when I have a great song stuck in my head.  While I’m a fan, this isn’t a direct endorsement of Flyleaf. It’s an endorsement for Christian Rock, and (more importantly) Christian media.

These scares and setbacks can work to bring us closer to God so long as we don’t stop the actions that helped us. Don’t take the armor of God off to begin with. Sleep in it. Live in it. Fight in it. I imagine most people take that metaphorical armor off on occasion.  That’s when I think temptation attacks. When it does, win or lose, I’ll get my armor back on, and see what I can do to remember to keep it on.

The more I do so, the more likely I am to keep my mind focused on him, which is the point.

 

 

Questions and Revelations

Does God really “hurt” people to bring them to him?

Again, Mr. Lewis asserts so. A recent sermon at church said sometimes pain is given to teach. Sometimes it’s given to punish. Sometimes it just is. This life isn’t meant to be perfect and good all the time. I don’t have any scripture to back up each statement (I’d be grateful if anyone offered some). However, the punish and teach boxes are checked. I’d spoken about David. God hardened the pharaoh’s heart, leading him to keep the Jews, causing God to take all the first-born children of Egypt. That miracle was one of many to prove God’s existence and his power.

The short answer is yes. So remember that each time you sin. I’m not declaring every sin is brutally punished with Biblical amounts of pain. I am stating that God has the sovereignty to punish sins as he sees fit. That makes me wonder though, am I the only guy who’s immediately afraid right after sinning?

Think about your parents. You ever do something, and feel a huge sense of relief after you get away with it? What about when everything goes south, and you realize your parents are going to find out. How afraid do you get in those situations?

Now, consider the fact that God already knows everything we did, are doing, and will do. So I’m afraid a large amount of time.

Why doesn’t it stop you from sinning?

First, I don’t believe  that anyone, saved or not, is without sin. I need to say that because my honest answer to the above question is, “Because I’m human.”

I just don’t let that give me a free pass to sin more or more egregiously as measured by society.

 

If you have other questions regarding my faith or thoughts or actions at this point, feel free to ask, and I’ll add them to the blog.  I try to ensure these passages are self reflective. My chaplain told me to take this opportunity to look at myself, but at the moment, those were the only real thoughts going through my mind. Questions might help me remember other thoughts or parts of The Bible I’d overlooked while typing this post.

Thanks for reading

Matt

A 5-Star Review for An Unusual Occupation and an Update on the Giveaway

[image error]Greetings all,

I simply can’t thank you enough for all the support you’ve already shown me. First, a five-star review for An Unusual Occupation appeared. It was an amazing rating with a kind statement.

So many of you answered my call for help, it’s staggering! An Unusual Occupation is currently #35 under free Supernatural Thrillers. I want to let you know how much I appreciate everything so far. Since I knew I was posting this review, I also wanted to give you an update on my promises based on how many downloads we get.

[image error]We’ve had 78 downloads so far (I can’t say thanks enough. I really can’t). That means you’re all just 22 downloads away from seeing me do my “No-foot” plank.  When I was a kid, I saw Alexei Nemov do this, and I was just amazed.  So I worked at it until I figured out how do — no, I can’t do that, but I can plank with my feet in the air (which I assure you is still plenty hard). So if we hit that benchmark, I’ll do that, and I’ll complete every trick I promised if we hit these benchmarks.

Regardless, I’m already thrilled at how things have gone. You’re support and help means the world to me. I’d like to give a special thank you to J.R. Handley, Yes More Blogs, Read Like Doc, Haley (she knows who she is), Elisebet, Rosa, Peggy, C.L. Schneider, Chess Desalls, and Rusty Pang at Entrepurpose. I’d need another 1,000 words to thank everyone, but I had to give some people some special attention. You’ve all been amazing, and I’m excited to see how things progress with three days to go.

Thanks for reading,

Matt

Want a Free Book? I’m Asking for Help to Get My Work Out To the World!

[image error]Greetings all,

An Unusual Occupation, the first part of The Journals of Bob Drifter, is free on Amazon April 26-30!

We’re just days away from when Bob’s Greatest Mistake, the second part of The Journals, goes live, and this giveaway is my way to celebrate the countdown.  Mistake will remain 99 cents from now until May 15, when it will go to its normal $2.99 price. So this is essentially a chance to get two stories (or two thirds of Bob’s story in particular) for just 99 cents.

Here’s the part when I ask for help.  Having Occupation as a free release does a lot for an author. The more people who grab up the book while it’s free, the more visibility it will have on Amazon. The more visible the title is, the more likely it is other people will see the book and give it a try. This is an easy way to help me out. All you have to do, is click on that first link, and get a free copy of a story I’m very proud of. I hope you read it. I hope you enjoy it. No matter what you think, I hope you leave a rating and a review. But if you just grab up the title while it’s free, you’re doing me a tremendous favor.

What else can you do? Share the link. Share this blog. Tweet it. Instagram it. Anything you’d be willing to do to get word out would be a great gift and blessing to me.

[image error]Naturally, I hope everyone who grabs the title reads it. I also hope that people pre-order Mistake or even just grab up the full story, but the primary goal of this giveaway is to gain visibility and draw attention to the other titles I have available.

To make things fun, I’m offering some silly little rewards for helping.  I currently have about 700 followers. So:

If I get 100 downloads, I’ll show off my pushup with no feet.

If I get 200 downloads, I’ll karaoke a song of my followers’ choice.

If I get 300 downloads, I’ll reenact a scene of a movie of my followers’ choice.

If I get 400 downloads, I’ll narrate one chapter of any book my followers’ choose (with voices).

If I get 500 downloads, I’ll recreate the “My Little Buttercup” scene from Three Amigos.

If I get 600 downloads, I’ll perform an original song I’ve written.

If I get 700 downloads, I’ll reenact the entire Thriller dance.

I hope you all will give Occupation and Mistake a try. At the very least, I hope to have a little fun with this particular campaign. No matter what, I always appreciate you for stopping by and seeing what I’m up to.

Thanks for reading,

Matt

 

Story Review: The Hawk from Posh Bytes by C. Rose

[image error]Spoiler Free Summary:  In The Hawk, from Posh Bytes by C. Rose, Sparrow is working to recover from an injury to his implant, which makes him a risk to fly. The more he worries over his future, the more he begins to resent the wife who’s only trying to support him. A low moment will test his love, but it will also provide him an opportunity.

Character:  I certainly felt strongly for Sparrow, but the truth is I hated him. I can’t really explain why with out spoilers. He was believable. But he was reactionary in everything he did and mostly incompetent. We do meet Valerian, who I’m a huge fan of in each of the stories she makes an appearance.

Exposition: I’ve already noted this is a weaker spot for Rose, but it’s not something that drags the story down.

Worldbuilding: The stage set in Eye of the Beholder builds with this story. Club Lush, the central location in Beholder, becomes a link between stories and a lunch point for this tale in particular. These little Easter eggs are why I’m so pleased by the anthology.

[image error]Dialogue:  If I’m being honest, this got a little uncharacteristic from time to time. Some of it was more forced than it may have had to have been. It wasn’t terrible or even bad, but there were scenes where I felt like I was being force fed information.

Description:  This story wasn’t as visual as Beholder or any of the other stories. It was more a character drama than the others. It still touches all the senses, but it’s not as visceral as it’s brothers and sisters.

Overall:  This is probably my least favorite story in the anthology, so I want to be sure you all understand that these comments are strictly related to this individual tale. Even assuming this is the least of the stories (as you’ll see), it’s still a relatively powerful story that I assure you will yank at your emotions. Some of you will be happy about the ending; others will hate it for the way it ends. Though not the best story, it still holds up in quality with the others in Posh Bytes.

Thanks for reading

Matt

Testimony: My Trial of Faith as My Mom Struggled With Cancer Part 8

See Part 1 here.

See Part 2 here.

See Part 3 here.

See Part 4 here.

See Part 5 here.

See Part 6 here.

See Part 7 here.

Trust With Burdens

 

Today I find myself thinking of Moses. This was a man who literally sat and spoke with God. The thing with him though was from that moment on the burning bush, he was a man who tended to want to explain why he couldn’t.

God told Moses to help his people. Moses gave a list of reasons why he couldn’t. The funny thing is, while it’s one thing to know yourself, would you have any doubt if you knew God wanted you to do something?

For Moses, it was leading the Israelites to the promised land. For others, it might be something else. None of us have the benefit of a burning bush or singing angels these days.

In my mind, the task is to help my family through this ordeal.

What helps me? Faith in Jesus. Seriously, I don’t know how I’m going to pull of half of the things I think I need to. But I know anything is possible through Christ, and I know that if God wants something to happen, it happens.

Previously, I spoke about my sister. I’d mentioned she was struggling to balance her children, her life, and caring for our mother. We spoke on the phone about it.

It’s hard to think about what others feel or think when we’re focused on our labors. I feel this in a lot of areas. It’s easy to think no one is doing anything when no one is helping you. That’s not actually the case. They may indeed not be helping you, but that doesn’t mean they don’t have reasons for what they’re doing.  Alternatively, when someone is working on something, it’s easy to forget how hard it is. Have you ever decided not to look at something or worry about something because it wasn’t your job? It’d be nice to think a portion of that is born of the trust one has in the other to do the job, but isn’t it possible that person might just be grateful it’s not something they have to do?

My sister felt the toll of two-and-a-half weeks of care for our mother who has cancer. We spoke about how hard she was working. We spoke about what the rest of the family was doing. As I’d mentioned, my family isn’t prone to supportive action in crisis. But how do I help my sister and keep things from losing focus?

Even in that moment on the phone, I felt nervous. I worried this might be one of those moments where our family complains about one another or lashes out.

Here I was wondering what would have happened differently if Moses had simply said, “Yes, Sir.”

That thought gave me a bit of clarity. I could be mad. I could sympathize with this person or that person. None of that conversation would have resolved the issue. Instead, I put my eyes on what I felt mattered most.

What does my mother need? Sure, that’s easy for me to ask seeing as though I’m pretty powerless to do anything on the other side of the country.  Then again, that didn’t mean I couldn’t be supportive or offer a different viewpoint.

My first need was to put the focus not on who wasn’t doing what and who was, but instead focusing on what needs to be done.

My sister felt responsible for a few complications that came up during the week.  She was tired. She was stressed.

“I’m just one person, and I can only do so much,” she said.

“Lucky for us God is infinite, and he can do anything,” I replied.

We talked about what options were available to ease some of the tension. Once I knew what all the issues were and the obstacles, I offered what help I could: Money. I’m not rich. I’m not even as stable as I was before I published my first book.

“Can I afford it? No, but God will take care of it.”

Low and behold, a few days later the family has a new plan that gives my older sister a break and helps my mom get care and help when she needs it. How much did it cost? Nothing. Of all the plans and things I considered options, the thing that’s happening doesn’t cost my family anything (at least not that I know of).  I’m not sure if the explanation is protected by some sort of agreement, so I can’t offer it here, but that doesn’t matter. The point  is, when you trust in God, things work out.

I don’t think everything’s settled.  For starters, my mom still has cancer. But the more I trust in God, the less I even have to do. It’s kind of ridiculous lately how true that is. A few chapters back, I gave my formula, and I think it still holds true. We mortals have to put in the work. If we do so, and we keep our faith in Christ, it’ll work out. I think it’s all the easier when you’re doing God’s will.

That’s a touchy subject to be honest. For now, I just feel confident that when one is doing God’s will, whatever that may be, it’s pretty simple if you trust that God is with you.

I remember somewhere in 1 Chronicles (also in Kings if I remember correctly), David was threatened by enemies. He asked God, “Should I attack them? Will you deliver them into my hands?”  God replied, “Attack them, and I will deliver them to you.”

Man I’d like to be able to converse with God on that level. I’d do it for pretty much everything. “God, should I have Raisin Brain?”  “No, have Fruit Loops.”  (No intended recommendation is made here. It’s just a metaphor.)

We don’t have that sort of luxury, but every now and again, we feel a moment, a calling. I say when you feel that, go with it.

 

 

Questions and Revelations

Does this mean if something is hard we should stop because it’s not God’s will?

How the heck should I know? I mean, it might be a trial God wants me to learn from. It might be the right thing, but the time might be wrong. Or, I could be going against God’s wishes, and he’s trying to dissuade me. All of these are possibilities. I just don’t know.

I do trust that if God absolutely didn’t want me to do something he’d either stop me by closing that door, or hold me accountable when I do it.

How do you know you’re doing God’s will?

I don’t. I sure hope I am though. In some things, I’ve felt called. On the phone that day, I felt frustrated and angry because of my own powerlessness.  Imagine how my sister felt? We could have lamented on all the things we couldn’t do or couldn’t face. I realized, however, that was an opportunity to praise God for his limitless power. It didn’t obligate him to do anything, but I swear to you all I felt something telling me to stop making it about what we couldn’t do and start driving the conversation toward God and His grace. I’m normally someone who wants to talk about a problem, as if doing so will make the problem regret existing. In this case, I felt a calm I don’t typically feel. It felt right. Praise, don’t fret. Pray, don’t dwell. It’s much easier said than done, but when you do it, it works.

Does that mean you’re never worried?

Oh if only you knew me better. I worry (or at least I’m know to worry) so much. I wonder how many people have noticed a change. I’ll say this much, my boss mentioned it to me. I confessed my feelings aren’t nearly as clear as my actions have been of late, but it felt truly wonderful to have him recognize I’m handling this well.

My mind is constantly working through things. What needs to happen? How difficult is it? What could go wrong? What can I do to prevent this?

If I’m 1,000,000,000 times closer to God than I was when this started, I (and all of us) still have an infinite number of miles to grow. We’ll never approach his grace and virtue. I think each time I accept a situation for what it is and trust God to help me through, I’m a little better.

Like Moses, there’s still a lot to actually do. But if you trust in the Lord to help you through it, the work becomes easier.

If you have other questions regarding my faith or thoughts or actions at this point, feel free to ask, and I’ll add them to the blog.  I try to ensure these passages are self reflective. My chaplain told me to take this opportunity to look at myself, but at the moment, those were the only real thoughts going through my mind. Questions might help me remember other thoughts or parts of The Bible I’d overlooked while typing this post.

Thanks for reading

Matt