M.L.S. Weech's Blog, page 68

Testimony: My Trial of Faith as My Mom Struggled With Cancer Part 24

See Part 1 here.

See Part 2 here.

See Part 3 here.

See Part 4 here.

See Part 5 here.

See Part 6 here.

See Part 7 here.

See Part 8 here.

See Part 9 here.

See Part 10 here.

See Part 11 here.

See Part 12 here.

See Part 13 here.

See Part 14 here.

See Part 15 here.

See Part 16 here.

See Part 17 here.

See Part 18 here.

See Part 19 here.

See Part 20 here.

See Part 21 here.

See Part 22 here.

See Part 23 here.

The Fateful Appointment

Being on the other side of a country from a loved one who’s sick is no fun. I’m three hours ahead (at the time of this writing), so I have to wait before I call. I went to work knowing that. I wasn’t at my best. I was distracted. I got pretty irritated with the most minor student issues. I don’t think I was horrifically off my game, but I found myself stepping out to pray or remind myself that I shouldn’t be focused on myself; rather, I should have been focused on God.

Those thoughts got me through the day. I hoped my mom went to her appointment and was willing to take on the next treatment and move forward.

She wasn’t.

I called my sister, but didn’t get an answer (she was dealing with the fallout).  I called around and eventually got ahold of my Dad.

“I suppose you know how that went,” he said.

That meant the news was already bad. One of the things our family was dealing with was conflict among family members. As I’ve said before, people were all processing, and sometimes those emotions caused disagreements. My dad’s answer meant the appointment didn’t go well, and that emotions were high.

I explained that he was the first person I’d managed to get ahold of. I already knew the appointment didn’t go as we’d hoped, but I had no idea how poorly it went.

Mom didn’t just walk into the hospital and say, “No thanks.” She was in pain, tired, and angry. I’m of the opinion the steroids didn’t help either. She lashed out. I wasn’t there, so I can’t go into much detail, but I know that she was visibly and physically acting out.

What made me feel a little better was that the hospital wasn’t quite giving up. With the most recent issue with my mom’s throat, it was expected that she just might not be physically up to going through treatments.

The new plan (which I always love) was that we’d let mom rest, get her some care, and, hopefully, she’d be willing to restart treatment in time.

I’m pretty sure Dad was driving mom home to Yuma during that conversation. Mom was asleep, so I said I’d try to call back later.

Later that day, my sister called. She’d decided to relinquish her role in the power of attorney form. She called to tell me that. We talked a bit more. I focused on trying to be encouraging.

To be honest, things looked dark. All I could really focus on was getting a chance to call and talk to my mom, which wouldn’t happen for a few more days.

 

Questions and Revelations

I thought you said God would fix it?

God isn’t a genie. He doesn’t grant wishes, and acts aren’t the cause of our salvation. Good acts are the fruit of our salvation and sanctified life, or at least they can be. This question is one I expect, but the better question would be, how did I respond to my fear? Besides, I still hoped God would bless my mom’s health.

The answer is I prayed. I pray every night before bed, and then I read the Bible before I close my eyes. I pray to God, and I ask him things. I confess to him my heart’s desires, but, since my greatest desire is truly to glorify him, I understand that he does what is in line for his great design, which no human can rightfully fathom. “Oh the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable his judgments, and his paths beyond tracing out!” (Romans 11:33).

I worked very hard to combat my fear with scripture. I failed miserably in that I never failed to fear or wonder if my mom would make it, but I succeeded in that I always remembered to turn to God’s word and glorify him.

I didn’t do this like some person in credit fraud trying to make some form of payment to appease a bank. I did it because I know that faith in God is always the answer.

I don’t think it’s the answer to wealth or human measurements of happiness.  I think it’s the answer to a contented heart.

This work, to remind myself to trust in God and seek his word for comfort, would be critical as this trial continued.

If you have other questions regarding my faith or thoughts or actions at this point, feel free to ask, and I’ll add them to the blog.  I try to ensure these passages are self reflective. My chaplain told me to take this opportunity to look at myself, but at the moment, those were the only real thoughts going through my mind. Questions might help me remember other thoughts or parts of The Bible I’d overlooked while typing this post.

Thanks for reading

Matt

A Guest Post from Steven D’Adamo! The Basics of PPC Marketing with Taboola

Greetings All,

I’m super stoked about this post.  I’ve known Steven since I’ve started blogging, and I consider him a friend above all. I also consider him one of my top marketing mentors, so when he offered to create a post, I jumped at  the chance.  His book, The Warden of Everfeld: Memento, is out now, and I’ve already ordered my paperback version and added it to my impossible to whittle down TBR list on Goodreads.   So, if you’re like me, and you feel like marketing is a tough nut to crack, please see below.

 

When I tell people I used to use PPC marketing as part of my job, they give me funny looks. When I tell them that I am now using PPC marketing to promote my first novel, they’re downright flummoxed.

But Pay-Per-Click Marketing is really quite simple: you pay a particular service to feed your webpages, articles, or blogs to other content-driven websites, where they can be seen by a wider, more diverse audience. You then only pay the service provider when a user clicks on your headlines and visits your website.

In this post, I’ll provide a basic overview of how to create and manage a PPC campaign through Taboola.

Creating a Taboola Campaign

There are many PPC services, but I chose to use Taboola, because of the two PPC services I used at my former job – Taboola and Outbrain – I found that Taboola has a better user interface and can be done more cheaply than Outbrain.

Setting up a new campaign is fairly straightforward.

In your Taboola dashboard, click Campaign Management on the left menu, and click New Campaign.
Name your campaign. I use a simple convention: RSPC – Publish Announcement – Smartphone, so I can differentiate the website, content, and platform for the campaign right away.
Select your timeframe. The shortest campaigns should be 10-14 days, but I think 4-6 weeks is optimal.
[image error]Select your targeting locations. Taboola lets you get into regions, cities, and even zip codes, but for most campaigns, you’ll want to stick with one country, like the US.
Choose your platform: desktop, smartphone, or tablet. Some people like to include Tablet and Smartphone together, since these are both “mobile,” but I prefer to use each platform separately.
Then, set your Cost Per Click bid and spending limit. You may have to start with a higher click rate, like $0.45-$0.50 per click, but Taboola lets you adjust this throughout the campaign. Your spending limit puts a monetary cap on your campaign, so you can plan the length and limit of your campaign based on your budget. 

[image error]There are other settings you can use, but those are the primary ones you will want to consider.

Next, you’ll want to create your content by adding URLs for the webpage you want to promote. I highly recommend using only one URL per campaign. If you have multiple URLs to promote, set each one up in a distinct campaign. However, for each URL campaign, write 3-6 unique headlines. This will help you capture the widest audience for your content.

For my content, I chose to promote my blog post announcing the pre-order period for my novel: https://redstringpapercuts.com/2018/06/19/the-warden-of-everfeld-memento-is-being-published/

[image error]

I used the above four headlines across three campaigns for Tablet, Desktop, and Smartphone, targeting the U.S. – basically casting a wide net just to gauge initial interest in my novel.

For the image, I asked my cover illustrator to provide me with a high-quality image of my full cover without any of the text – Taboola does not like text in images. I then tried to diversify my headlines between a few key themes:

Giving a quick tagline about the main characters
Announcing the publication date for a new novel
Presenting the reader with a question to make them curious
Enticing readers interested in world-building or fantasy universes

One or two of these headlines will certainly perform better over the others, but finding out which ones will tell me a lot about my target audience.

Here is how my campaigns did on the first day:

[image error]

Impressions tell me how many people saw my headline, while Clicks tell me how many of those Impressions actually clicked on my content. CTR, or Click-Through-Rate, is simply a ratio of clicks to impressions. Average CPC tells me about how much I’m spending per click on each campaign, and Spent gives the total dollar amount spent.

Now, a few notes on my actual results:

I received the fewest clicks (15) on my Desktop campaign, but spent the highest amount to get them ($7.50, tied with total Spent for Smartphone).
The CTR for Desktop is also a bit low – 0.03% (An average CTR is 0.03%-0.05%)
By contrast, my Smartphone campaigns received the most clicks (32), with the highest CTR (0.12%), and a high Spend ($7.50).
The Tablet campaign performed well, and still way better than Desktop.

Conclusion: I should consider re-allocating my budget away from the Desktop campaign, and toward the Smartphone and Tablet campaigns. These results are only from the first day, so I’ll wait another day or two before adjusting to see how things shake out over a longer period. A single day is really only a snapshot of my campaigns’ potential.

Next, I’ll want to see how my individual headlines are performing against each other. I already know that Smartphone and Tablet are doing well, so I’ll look at all of my headlines together to see which of the four stand out across all three campaigns.

[image error]

The above screen only shows eight of my 12 total headlines, but that’s okay. The other four have received 0 clicks so far. And, Taboola’s content algorithm promotes headlines that perform well, so these already have a head-start over the rest.

Now for some quick notes on my headline performance:

“What do honor and memory mean…” This is performing well across all platforms: 34 total clicks for an average CTR of 0.05%. The Desktop version may sink with its poor CTR of 0.02%, but this headline is a winner overall.
“Explore the Unique World…” is showing some potential, but it has a lot of catching up to do.
The other two headlines appear to be scrapping it out for second place.

Conclusion: I can already see that my top-performing headline is successful at drawing in readers, so I can consider using this one again for a later campaign.

The overall order and performance of these headlines will certainly change over the course of these campaigns, but I’m betting one of the current top three maintains its current dominance.

That’s all for now! I’ll keep an eye on each campaign’s performance over the next 10-14 days and decide then if I want to extend them. Visit Red String PaperCuts in a couple weeks for an update on how my PPC campaigns performed.

 

Your July Book Cover of the Month Update

Greetings all,

With just seven days left in this month’s bracket, it’s time to update you all on how things have been progressing.

As I type this, we have 5,575 votes so far. This is on pace for a historic month.  At this moment (about 8:45 p.m.), this month’s bracket is only 546 votes away from breaking the all-time record for most votes in a single month. It’s simply an amazing show of support for some nice book covers.  Thank you all. Here’s hoping that record gets shattered.

[image error]Asunder by L. Steinworth is in the lead at the moment.

Most Voted on so far: Asunder has the most total votes so far with 480. She’s had 57 voters send her all the way through to the winner’s circle, which gives her a respectfully commanding lead by the halfway point.

Least Voted for:  Mercy Point by Anna Snoekstra. This cover has 67 votes.  I typically hope to see each book getting at least 100 votes. I think it’s a nice cover with good use of color and contrast.

Asunder has a pretty commanding lead in every round, but there area few books that could steal things with enough support.  The first is Dream of the Navigator by Stephen Zimmer, which needs 34 voters to push it all the way through to the finals to pass Steinworth.  The other cover that’s in striking distance is the current runner up, Spell Smoke by SM Reine, which only needs 38 voters to push it all the way through to the finals to take the lead. Given that 337 unique individuals have voted so far, it’s not too far fetched to think another 40 could support one of those covers and completely change this bracket.

[image error]A quick reminder of how the tournament works. The easiest way to win is to have the most people vote for you in every round. The trick is you have to have the most people vote you through in each round, all the way to the final.  As an example, 100 people could vote someone through to the finals, but that doesn’t do a cover any good if he doesn’t win the first round. It’s not total votes. It’s not simple championship votes. The winning cover has to have the most votes in each round of the competition.

This will be the only update for this type of bracket. I hope the record does get broken and that I see voters lining up to support their authors by voting, liking, and sharing the bracket with as many people as possible.  You can vote at this address!

I’ll announce the winner is just seven days!

Thanks for reading,

Matt

Testimony: My Trial of Faith as My Mom Struggled With Cancer Part 23

See Part 1 here.

See Part 2 here.

See Part 3 here.

See Part 4 here.

See Part 5 here.

See Part 6 here.

See Part 7 here.

See Part 8 here.

See Part 9 here.

See Part 10 here.

See Part 11 here.

See Part 12 here.

See Part 13 here.

See Part 14 here.

See Part 15 here.

See Part 16 here.

See Part 17 here.

See Part 18 here.

See Part 19 here.

See Part 20 here.

See Part 21 here.

See Part 22 here.

The Calm before the Storm

The next week seemed like things were getting back to some sense of normal.  Mom didn’t have any new hospital visits. There were more people in the area to help her out. When I called, she seemed in decent spirits. She’d even started eating a bit here or there.

For someone as far away as I was, I could have remained ignorant if I were someone else. But the truth was she was in persistent, constant pain. She was enduring, but it was taking a toll.

Shortly after I called my mom, my sister had to head home. We spoke briefly. She was worried some members of the family would be upset, but the truth was she had to go home. I noticed this a lot through this trial. I think all of us felt some sort of constant guilt over what we weren’t doing or what we should have done or what we worried others thought we should be doing.

I’m of the opinion that all that did was cause unneeded stress and even resentment for nothing more than perceived or potential resentment.  To be clear, it’s possible there was a great deal of actual resentment, but that only emphasized the need to limit any additional strain or concern.

My advice to her and any going through something like this is probably easier said than done, but I still feel it’s the mindset I’d advise people to have.

“Do what you feel in your heart is genuinely the right thing to do.”

Allow me to be frank:

It’s unreasonable to think people are going to be calm, well-adjusted, and rational through any trial that lasts this long. The fact is, people are going to go through phases. People are going to get mad. People are going to want to lash out, and they’re going to pick targets for their anger.

It’s my sincere prayer that people be anxious for nothing, “but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:6-7)

It’s possible some will remember that, but the more important verse I found myself going to was, “Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.” (Romans 12:21) I translate this also as “Do not be overcome by hate, but overcome hate with love.”  I sincerely hope those alterations are not inappropriate, but I feel confident the connotation holds true.

We’re human; we’re flawed and prone to un-Christly behavior. I feel that we to often feel the need to retaliate in defensiveness or pain. We hurt; therefore we want to hurt. It’s all fine and good to love our neighbor when he’s treating us well, but let that neighbor slap you in the face, and test if you’re really able to find the true, Christ-like strength and love to turn to him the other cheek. (Matthew 5:39)

Strive to find your compassion and love. Anyone can have those things when they don’t feel hurt or angry. We demonstrate our commitment when we do things even though they’re hard. We show our faith and devotion when we obey scripture even after we’re tempted to turn from that to our prideful, lustful desires.

To tie this back to the advice I offered my sister, I told her, “Anyone can, and probably will, judge you anyway, so you may as well go with the option you believe is correct (in accordance to God’s will). They can think whatever they want. It doesn’t mean it’s right or wrong. That’s not really for them to judge no matter how much they feel a right to.”

I think a part of the fear of judgment people sometimes feel is that those people are also judging. If I’m being fair, my sister felt like Mom needed more help.  My dad was doing everything he could, but the insurance and hospital who promised “everything would be paid for” suddenly had a great deal of things that needed to happen before those things could be taken care of. But the point is when we judge, we feel more afraid of the judgement of others. The truth is though, when we judge, we act as if we know what is “right” or “wrong.” Since I’ve submitted more and more to God, I’ve started to realize just how little room I have for judgement, which isn’t to be confused with rebuke or scriptural discussion. It’s one thing to say, “This is what I know the Bible says.” It’s something else entirely to say, “This is what I think you should do, so you’re wrong,” or even to say, “The Bible says this is wrong, so you’re wrong.”

Let’s remember, readers, we all fall short of the glory of God.  (Romans 3:23)

Let’s turn this to me, since my goal isn’t to accuse or even by description judge.

There have been times at work where I’ve felt like I could have done something better.

Then come the times when I feel like I messed up.

For starters, if I already feel like I might be judged, I have to ask myself how right my actions can possibly be. I’ve never done something just like I should, exactly when I should and then worried what people would think.

No, if I’m being honest, I feel the most fear of judgment when I’ve already had reason to believe I wasn’t right. So if I feel convicted about my actions, why shouldn’t others at least feel as if I’ve done something wrong? Does that grant them the right to persecute me or lash out at me? No, see the Philippians verse again. Yet, here we are, mortals given to sin.

I’ve come to realize that my defensiveness is directly proportionate to my own convicted feelings.

What I try to do now is make sure I’m doing what I feel is right and best in accordance with scripture and policy.  Oh I fail just about every day (sometimes twice). But when I know I’ve done wrong, rather than hide and resent rebuke, I confess and seek forgiveness.  Do I do it all the time? No, I’m afraid of getting into trouble or looking like a hypocrite, but that is just more sin.

When I’m at my best, I confess and seek forgiveness; first from God, then from those I know I’ve wronged.

This prevents me from compounding my emotions with fear of discovery or resentment.

I’m convinced the world would be a far better place if we all read Matthew 5:22-24. “But I tell you that anyone who is angry with a brother or sister will be subject to judgement. Again, anyone who says to a brother or sister, ‘Raca’ is answerable to the court. And anyone who says, ‘You foo!’ will be in danger of the fire of hell. Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar, and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First  go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.”

I’ve been a fan of that before I knew it was a Bible verse. I call it, “If you have beef, work that crap out before it festers.”

Again, I promise I’ve ignored that very advice, but I also promise it’s never worked out.

For my part, I was always afraid to start a fight. But the fight that happens after weeks of resentment and tense eggshell-walking is always worse than the fight that immediately follows an offense.

I’ve had dozens of uncomfortable, no-fun conversations that usually ended well and with a better understanding.  But most fights I’ve had after weeks of pent-up emotion have sometimes ended in broken relationships.

These days, I try even harder to practice that advice.

We need family. We need bonds. We need love. To risk that love for the sake of temporary peace just seems foolish. This isn’t the same as, “My sister annoyed me with that joke.” Look, if you can get over it, get over it. If you’re going to let something go, let it go.

If I catch myself talking about something (venting, talking crap, letting off steam; call it whatever you want) three times, I demand that I go and address it. If I can’t just forgive whatever it is that bugged me and move on, then I talk it out.

Again, I’m still confessing I do this less than I don’t, but I’m getting better.

My sister ultimately decided to head home, and I can say no one blamed or grumbled about her to me. I can’t say it didn’t happen; I can only say I never heard it.

That didn’t stop my sister from joining the rest of the family when Mom had her appointment on July 19.

It didn’t go well.

 

Questions and Revelations

What gives you the right to tell me to hash my crap out if you admit you don’t?

Well, first off, this is more a reminder to myself than anything. I feel that advice is solid and Biblically supported (supported, not directed). This is why I focused on my own issues. I’ve never regretted trying earnestly to hash out a dispute. I’ve come to regret every argument that happened well after I’d already passed my boiling point. Even if it ended the way it needed to, it still only served create bitter feelings and damage relationships I value.

I’ve never claimed to be, and hope I never even implied, “I know how things should be done.” In fact, my greatest hope is I’ve been honest and humble in these segments.

As I type these, I find myself even more convicted. I hope these thoughts encourage and help you as much as they reenforce and drive me.

How much do you advise your family?

Way more than I should.  Pastors and counselors are appropriate people to seek advice from.  I have people I trust and seek guidance from, and they always mean well. I know I sure do, but the fact is I should probably just listen and keep my trap shut.

When I do open the stupid hole (also known as my mouth), I at least try to make sure there is a Biblical foundation to what I’m saying. I aspire to make sure more and more of what I do or say is grounded in Biblical policy (If I can copyright that phrase, I’d sure like to).

I’m honestly still trying to find the balance between being a good listener and friend (or family member), evangelizing, or just being obnoxious and bossy.  I have more ignorance than wisdom. So until I learn when to be wisely silent and when I have an appropriate opportunity to evangelize, I’m at least going to make an effort that I keep my advice in line with that policy.

If you have other questions regarding my faith or thoughts or actions at this point, feel free to ask, and I’ll add them to the blog.  I try to ensure these passages are self reflective. My chaplain told me to take this opportunity to look at myself, but at the moment, those were the only real thoughts going through my mind. Questions might help me remember other thoughts or parts of The Bible I’d overlooked while typing this post.

Thanks for reading

Matt

The July Book Cover of the Month Begins!

[image error]Happy first everyone! As is now officially tradition here on my blog, it’s time to start a new book cover of the month competition.

A Guiding Light by Susan Copperfield returns for her third try and joins 31 brand new covers this month.

You can vote all the way through the tournament, supporting the covers you like best through each round. I like to make sure people get the credit they deserve, so please show your support. Please vote and share as much as possible to get people a chance to pick their favorite.

As always, I’d appreciate it if you tag the authors and artists if you know them. I try to tag or friend every author I can, but sometimes it’s hard to track someone down. Max participation is a huge deal to me. The more people who vote, the more recognition these authors and artists receive, and I want this to be as legitimate as possible.

[image error]Image taken from Pixabay.

If you are the author, let’s remember to be good sports! 1) Please feel free to message or contact me at any time. 2) Please feel free to like, share, text, ask for support, and call everyone you know. I absolutely want max participation. However, if you’re going to offer giveaways or prizes, please offer them for voting, not just voting for you.

Also, while your summoning your army of voting soldiers, please make sure you ask them to vote in every match. Part of the idea of this is to get exposure to as many artists and authors as possible. By all means, if you can get 1,000 people to vote for your book, do it. Just please also send some eyeballs to the other matches.

A final note to authors and artists: I currently have links to the books’ Amazon pages. If you’d prefer I switch that link to sign up for your newsletter or like your social media page or whatever, just send me the link and let me know. I want this to help you. I want this to be as helpful as possible, so whatever you need me to do to facilitate that, just let me know.

I hope you keep having fun. Please, vote, share, and discuss as much as possible.

All you have to do now is head over here to vote!

Thanks for reading,

Matt

Testimony: My Trial of Faith as My Mom Struggled With Cancer Part 22

See Part 1 here.

See Part 2 here.

See Part 3 here.

See Part 4 here.

See Part 5 here.

See Part 6 here.

See Part 7 here.

See Part 8 here.

See Part 9 here.

See Part 10 here.

See Part 11 here.

See Part 12 here.

See Part 13 here.

See Part 14 here.

See Part 15 here.

See Part 16 here.

See Part 17 here.

See Part 18 here.

See Part 19 here.

See Part 20 here.

See Part 21 here.

Descent

Days after Mother was supposed to have already left the hospital, she finally received a diagnosis. I’m not sure what the medical term is, but the way it was described to my family was that it was as if, “someone dragged razor blades down her throat.”

The diagnosis wasn’t good to hear, and the time it took only served to frustrate my mom and cause heartache to my family.

My sister, the one who originally agreed to take care of Mom in Phoenix, offered to stay in Yuma to help care for Mom.  It was a comfort to me to know that Mom had that much support. Mom was weaker and in more pain than ever.  I’ll confess that by this point I had thought that any end to her pain, be it through healing or passing, would be a mercy.

I called that weekend. Mom was struggling to do much of anything. I learned that July 19 was an important date. The doctors had decided it was time to ask Mom if she was willing to continue treatment of if she’d had enough. This was more than a week from that phone call.

It was such a struggle. I wanted desperately for my mom to get well, but I understood that in any measurable way, I had no power.

Trust in God doesn’t mean trusting God to do what one wants; it means trusting in His Will. I can say honestly I wanted to have faith, but if I’m being equally honest the truth is I don’t know how good a job I did.  What I can say for certain is I reminded myself that God is the shepherd of my life.

As I stared at the calendar and that all-important appointment, I could only pray and trust. The hard part was distinguishing between trust and expectation.

As I reflect on those days, I find myself more frustrated by the Israelites after the Exodus.  They had a promise of relocation to a land of milk and honey. They didn’t have the same lack of overt assurance. They were told they’d be delivered, but they still rebelled. They grumbled and turned away at every opportune moment.

Then there’s our Savior Jesus Christ. He was promised only pain, suffering, and death. He was guaranteed these things, but he choose to accept and endure them that we sinners might be saved.

I believe that these examples serve as the extremes, or perhaps more importantly a contrast, of how we Christians should act. Christ, in his perfect wisdom and infinite mercy, suffered willingly for us without turning from his path; however, the Israelites in their foolishness and selfish, fleshly desires wanted instant gratification and eventually dug in their heels so much that ultimately, none of that generation were permitted to see the promised land.

I sadly lacked the Christ-like trust I should have. If I’m being nice to myself, I can feel better knowing that when I grumbled or worried, especially at this point in the journey, I picked up the Sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God, and used it to stab at my temptation to doubt or be anxious.

I’d only need that sword more and more as time passed.

 

Questions and Revelations

 

Who can have that much trust?

Other than Christ himself, I’m not sure. I’ve known some who were clearly better examples than I am, and I’ve known others who were more prone to worry.  As always, I’m of the opinion that we should strive to be more Christ-like.  We’ll fall short until he returns to Earth, but we’re under the law of grace, in which our sincere effort and desire to be so matters.

What verses help?

For starters, somewhere around there, I’d started reading Dr. John MacArthur’s book Anxious for Nothing, which was titled after Philippians 4:6-7. “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.”

I found that verse very affirming in my beliefs. I’ve always felt that we pray in supplication, believe in God’s plan, and trust.  That trust becomes difficult in dark times. I’ve failed on numerous occasions, but I remind myself he’s in charge, and I honestly feel better.

I find the Psalms a fantastic resource for comfort and trust in times of crisis. I’ve mentioned a great number of verses I take comfort in, and I have a few I’m reserving for later posts.  I would need them more and more as time passed.

If you have other questions regarding my faith or thoughts or actions at this point, feel free to ask, and I’ll add them to the blog.  I try to ensure these passages are self reflective. My chaplain told me to take this opportunity to look at myself, but at the moment, those were the only real thoughts going through my mind. Questions might help me remember other thoughts or parts of The Bible I’d overlooked while typing this post.

Thanks for reading

Matt

Want Another Free Book? Please Help my Next Giveaway Top the Last One!

Greetings all,

[image error]A few months ago (April), you all helped me a tremendous amount by spreading word about my giveaway for An Unusual Occupation, which still on sale for 99 cents).

Starting today, since Something Always Remains is about to drop, Bob’s Greatest Mistake is now free until July 29. It’s a fun way to celebrate the countdown to the last part of Bob’s journey (thus making Bob available pretty much any way someone wants him).

Here’s where I need support. Last time, we got a ton of downloads and a review, and the more visibility I gain, the more likely others will see it. If you haven’t already picked up Bob’s story in one way or another, please click on the link for Mistake and give it a free download.  Just doing that would go a long way and be much appreciated.

[image error]If you’ve already read Bob’s story, please leave a rating and review. I hope you enjoyed it, but it’s okay if you didn’t. Any reviews and any ratings help to get that visibility going. More importantly, I love the feedback.

The next level up would be to share the link via WordPress, Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, smoke signals or low-priced yodelers (those high priced folk are just overpaid primadonnas).

Helping get the word out would mean the world to me.

Last time, I had little demonstrations of appreciation.  I’m up to 800 followers, so I have to up my game.

If I get 100 downloads, I’ll do 100 pushups (I’ll try to do them in two minutes, but that’s a goal, not a guarantee).

If I get 200 downloads, I’ll karaoke a song of my followers’ choice.

If I get 300 downloads, I’ll reenact a scene of a movie of my followers’ choice.

If I get 400 downloads, I’ll narrate one chapter of any book my followers’ choose (with voices).

If I get 500 downloads, I’ll recreate the “My Little Buttercup” scene from Three Amigos.

If I get 600 downloads, I’ll perform an original song I’ve written.

If I get 700 downloads, I’ll reenact the entire Thriller dance.

If I get 800 downloads, I’ll see if I can’t think of something truly special (I’m open to suggestions).

[image error]As of now, you can get all three parts of Bob’s story for $2 (99 cents for An Unusual Occupation. Bob’s Greatest Mistake is free. Something Always Remains is available for a 99-cent preorder).  Normally (and even now) the complete Journals of Bob Drifter is $5.99.  So you’re getting the same story for $3 less. This will remain so until July 29.

I hope you all will give Bob’s story a try. At the very least, I hope to have a little fun with this particular campaign. No matter what, I always appreciate you for stopping by and seeing what I’m up to.

 

Thanks for reading,

Matt

 

Testimony: My Trial of Faith as My Mom Struggled With Cancer Part 21

See Part 1 here.

See Part 2 here.

See Part 3 here.

See Part 4 here.

See Part 5 here.

See Part 6 here.

See Part 7 here.

See Part 8 here.

See Part 9 here.

See Part 10 here.

See Part 11 here.

See Part 12 here.

See Part 13 here.

See Part 14 here.

See Part 15 here.

See Part 16 here.

See Part 17 here.

See Part 18 here.

See Part 19 here.

See Part 20 here.

Roller Coaster

The first of the new treatments was done, and it was supposed to be two weeks before the next treatment.

Mom got to go home to Yuma a few days later. That time gave a bit of a pleasant rhythm to my life. Those at work were so supportive as I updated them on how things went. The timing of everything put me on a shorter week, and I appreciated that since it gave me time to recover from all the flying.

I called Mom that next Friday. She was alert, talkative and concerned most with how things were going with my girlfriend. That got me to thinking.

The old treatments were usually followed closely by a hospital visit of some kind.  This time was different. Three days had gone by, and nothing seemed to be going wrong.

Another week passed, and each time I spoke with my sister (we don’t talk every day, but we talked a few times), I emphasized that the fact that Mom wasn’t having any complaints was reason for optimism. I certainly thought it was.

Another week went by pretty much the same as before.  I called Mom.  Things seemed to be looking up, and I told my dad the same thing I told my sister.

I’m actually a pragmatic person.  If you were to accuse me of being pessimistic, I don’t know that I could convince you I’m not. What I never want to do, however, is have false hope.

God is the only real hope. Trust in Him and His will is all people need. I believe this whole heartedly. I’m not so perfect as to claim I always remember this.  I fail sometimes, letting the problem create worry when I should have trust.

What happened next was something that made me feel guilty because for all my talk about how she’s made it through a round of treatment without side effects, only days before her second scheduled treatment, Mom started feeling pain.

Then she got angry.

Mom has made it pretty clear how she feels about hospitals. The steroids aren’t helping her mood any, and the overlap became most obvious through this new challenge.

I honestly don’t remember what caused me to call my dad. I think it was a social media post from a family member; I’m just not sure. Regardless, I called my Dad.

“You’re mom’s been something else,” he said.  That roughly translates into a comment that Mom was acting out.

She was in pain. She didn’t want to eat. At some point in this, someone mentioned going to the hospital, and Mom got even more angry.

She flat did not want to go anywhere near a hospital, but she was very clearly in pain. He called a few doctors, and they developed a plan that would get her, “straight in to see someone.”

That’s not how it went at all. My sister headed down to help in any way she could. It was an all out effort to convince or coerce Mom to get treatment.

It didn’t go well.

Mom became enraged. She was mad at everyone. That promise to get her straight in to see anyone resulted in days–literal days–of waiting, during which Mom only got more angry.

Then there’s the person I think of as “New Doctor.” New Doctor was supposed to look at my Mom’s gall stone issue and figure out the cause of this pain.

As Mom continued acting out and getting angry every time they’d take her somewhere. You see, they’d take her down to do a procedure or test, then they’d say, “we’re not doing it.”

On her best day, my Mom wouldn’t have liked that. This wasn’t her best day or even week.

Then comes New Doctor, who felt compelled to tell members of my family that we need to just come to terms with fact that “the tumor has taken over” and “your Mom is already gone.”

This isn’t a member of the cancer team.  This was, as far as I know, literally the doctor who caught this case where they were searching to find out what was causing Mom pain.

New Doctor continues to promote the “realistic” outlook on my mom.

I’m not going to get into how I felt, but in a family already damaged with news and somewhat conflicting information, I felt it was unprofessional and frankly unethical that some doctor in Yuma felt at liberty to comment on a patient who’s file he hadn’t seen.  Why? Well, apparently he’d recently lost loved ones to brain cancer.

I can absolutely sympathize with his feelings. That doesn’t make his conduct professional, and his case with his family isn’t a standard for how any other case should go.

My sister was distraught, and my dad had, had it. He basically used phone calls to wrangle the Phoenix doctors and the Yuma doctors together.

Meanwhile, at least three days had passed with no one actually doing anything. Turns out, we had to wait to get our mother’s body to a place where it could handle the tests and procedures the Yuma doctors wanted to do.  That explains it, but that explanation came days after this started.

By that point, Mom had started to physically resist. I wasn’t there. I must acknowledge that my information comes from my family, but apparently the only time they saw nurses was when they wanted to yell at my family for being short with my mom.

“Don’t you know she’s dying,” one nurse told my sister.

By this point, Dad and my sister worked out some sort of rotation to ensure at least one of them would be in the hospital.

The date of the second treatment came and went because they couldn’t do another treatment if my mom was feeling pain or not physically well.

That left my family with little support, an outraged woman fighting cancer, and the closest doctor just wanted us to “accept this was happening.”

I wish New Doctor had worked as hard to actually find the new issue as he did to try and insert his non-medically-based opinion into my family’s thought process.

To be clear, I’m not stating he’s not a doctor, but he’s not an oncologist. He was the doctor called to handled a digestive or gall-bladder issue. This leads me to feel it’s completely unprofessional to give any sort of advice or direction regarding a case he wasn’t studying and hadn’t been involved with until this point.

Unprofessional conduct and perhaps well-meaning but absolutely hurtful comments were the only interruptions to what I think ended up being about three days of waiting to actually do anything productive.

All after my mom was promised she’d be in and out.

 

Questions and Revelations

 

What’s being done about New Doctor?

I don’t have all the details. My father intended to file a report through the official channels. I’m not sure if it happened or not.

A year ago, This blog would have been formatted very differently. I would have gotten that doctor’s name. I would have posted these events on the hospital’s web page, social media and any other format I could.

I would have been vengeful.

But that’s not the correct response.

“Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult. On the contrary, repay evil with blessing because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing,” 1 Peter 3:9.

“Do not say, ‘I will avenge this evil!’ Wait on the Lord, and He will deliver you,” Proverbs 20:22.

“When they heaped abuse on Him, He did not retaliate; when He suffered, He made no threats, but entrusted Himself to Him who judges justly,” 1 Peter 2:23.

I like reading those passages in that order. It feels like it brings everything full circle.

So with that I ask that you not seek to judge or lash out against New Doctor. Yes, I’m informing you of what happened. I did this not so you could help me gang up on and lash out against a man who I honestly believe meant well.  Rather, I had to help you see how much these actions hurt my heart, so that you could see that what I seek isn’t vengeance, but peace.

Not long ago, I would have wanted retaliation. I would have wanted hundreds of comments on how “wrong” this is.

But if we focus, if I focus, on the wrongs done to us, it only serves to deflect our own wrongs, and this is a serious issue in the world today.

We want others to be more wrong than us. We want this more than we want to be right ourselves. We’d rather rationalize our own sinful desires by making them seem comparatively smaller than those of others. We want to speak about “this” sin with wrath and anger, but we have little-to-no desire to look at the sin in our own lives.

So if I feel like someone sins against me or hurts me, it’s is my Christian duty to forgive.

“For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you,” Matthew 6:14.

I wouldn’t begrudge my father reporting something. If we respond with love, that love will be known.

So reporting action that needs to be corrected is fine if correcting the action is the goal.

So please don’t bombard this post with comments about “how you would” or “New Doctor should (insert unpleasant life event).”

Rather read this and consider a transgression you recently suffered. Maybe your neighbor stole your lawnmower. Maybe a loved one forgot something important.  Maybe your boss yelled at you unjustly.

Fill the world with love. Endure suffering. Forgive. I’m not directing you or anyone to sign up to be abused without cause.  I’m simply hoping you understand that when  you do suffer, you focus on God, forgiveness, grace and mercy, so that even if the one hurting you continues, God Himself will grant those things to you.

If you have other questions regarding my faith or thoughts or actions at this point, feel free to ask, and I’ll add them to the blog.  I try to ensure these passages are self reflective. My chaplain told me to take this opportunity to look at myself, but at the moment, those were the only real thoughts going through my mind. Questions might help me remember other thoughts or parts of The Bible I’d overlooked while typing this post.

Thanks for reading

Matt

A 5-Star Review for Caught!

Greetings all,

[image error]I wanted to share this wonderful five-star review for Caught.

I met Cathey at AwesomeCon a few years ago (probably my first year as an official author), and she’s been one of my most stalwart supporters since.

This review actually has some opportunity, as Cathey asked a few questions (not bluntly, but the questions were implied, so I felt the need to answer.)

Was I/am I influenced by Matrix, Edge of Tomorrow, The Sixth Sense, Pink Floyd’s Comfortably Numb, and/or Metallica’s Enter Sandman.

The short answer is no, none of those stories directly influenced (at least not consciously) any of those stories, but I am a fan of many, so I’d like to take the time to speak about them.

The Matrix: This movie was one I went to see because I had already developed a habit of seeing movies every weekend. Honestly, by that point, it was the only movie I hadn’t seen. I was one of ten or so people in the theater, and by the third time I saw it, the line was enormous.  This original movie (I have entirely different opinions on the sequels), struck me because of it’s visual breakthroughs and clever concept. It took the hero’s origin story to a new place. While The Matrix didn’t directly influence Caught, it did teach me that great stories are often re-imaginings of old concepts.

The Edge of Tomorrow and Pink Floyd’s Comfortably Numb: I must admit I’ve never seen the movie, and I’ve never been a huge fan of Pink Floyd.  I don’t hate them or anything, they just never make it into my playlists.

[image error]The Sixth Sense: The plot twist for Caught is something I felt particularly happy with, and the responses from readers validate that feeling. To have someone mention Caught with a story with that great a plot twist is simply humbling. The trick, however, was what The Sixth Sense taught me in instinct, and Brandon Sanderson explained in a simple phrase: “I want my readers to realize what’s happening just before they turn the page to read what’s happening.”

The biggest payoff for me when watching The Sixth Sense was as the big reveal was coming, and I realized it just as it happened.  I call this the, “I should have known!” moment. Whenever I have a plot twist, I aspire to create that feeling.  Honestly, I think Cathey gives me too much credit here.  This implied comparison is probably the highest compliment I’ve gotten for Caught since it’s been published.

Metallica’s Enter Sandman: The nightmare sequences are what I imagine brought this comparison.  When the song first came out, I didn’t like it. It was a bit dark for me.  As I grew, I gained appreciation for the band and that song in particular. The visuals in the video and driving beat of the song would, in my opinion, make a great edition to a soundtrack if Caught were ever made into a movie. (Netflix, I’m waiting for your call!) I honestly hadn’t given the song much thought, but once I saw it in this review, I realized how fair the comparison is.  Alas, if the question was did I consider this song while writing Caught, I’m afraid not.

I loved having a review this complete and thought provoking. I’d love to respond to more musings and theories about Caught or other stories in the Oneiros Log. (Remember Repressed goes live Jan. 1!)

Cathey was honestly so kind in her review, and I can’t thank her enough.

Thank you all for support like this. It makes the tough times something I can endure.

V/R

Matt

 

Some Updates and A Sale!

Greetings all,

[image error]Sorry, no review this week as I have a couple things going on I wanted to let everyone know about. Fear not! I have a ton of stories and books ready to review, and I’ll work my way down the list.

First for some money-saving news: An Unusual Occupation, the first book in The Journals of Bob Drifter, will be 99 cents from today until Aug. 1, which is when book three, Something Always Remains (currently available for preorder also for 99 cents), goes live.

Remember, July 25-29 is when Bob’s Greatest Mistake is free for any who want to give it a try, so you can pretty much get three books for two bucks if you do so in this window of time.

Second: I’m happy to say Repressed is finished! It’ll go live Jan. 1. I’ll be doing some things leading up to it, but I’m happy to know that book is pretty much ready to go to print.

Third: The beta draft of Stealing Freedom is done, and the entire Power of Words anthology is off to my editor for the last round of edits.  That book is well on schedule to go live on Oct. 1.

[image error]On a related note (is that Three A?), I’m happy to announce the narrators for The Power of Words audiobook.  Please join me in welcoming Lisa Negron and T.W. Ashworth as the narrators for that book.  I went through a lot of reels and auditions to find those two, and I’m certain they’ll do an amazing job.  Our goal is to get the audiobook out as close to the same day as the other versions as possible.  I’m thrilled to have them, and I hope you all take the time to share in my excitement, maybe send them some sort of social media love telling them thanks for narrating what I believe will be an amazing anthology.

Fourth: I’m officially working on Betrayed: Book Two of the Oneiros Log. I’m just getting the new characters figured out, but that’s my pure focus for the foreseeable future. To those waiting, please be patient and know that the wait is coming to an end.

Fifth: The last book of the Oneiros log will be next, and I mean to start working on a series of novellas I’m very excited about.  My intent is for the novellas to sate my readers while I work on the larger projects in between.

I think that’s everything! I’m so thrilled you’re all taking an interest in my work. I can’t tell you what a privilege it is to tell stories and share them with the world. I hope you’re as excited about the next few months as I am!

Thanks for reading,

Matt