M.L.S. Weech's Blog, page 67

Book Review: Dream Student by J.J. DiBendetto

[image error]Spolier Free Summary: The Heresy Within by Rob J. Hayes is a the first book in The Ties that Bind series.  A knife for hire, a female blade master, and an Arbiter (religious traveling wizard), collide while pursing parallel paths to a common goal.  Two of them hate each other. Two of them are attracted to each other. The rest of the world wants them all dead. Their common enemy is someone who’s learned the dark secret of where the arbiters gain their powers, and why they have to guard that secret so closely.  This was my July 2017 Book Cover of the Month winner.

(CONTENT WARNING: This is dark, graphic and sexually explicit. Only for adults.)

Character:  In a story about a group of antiheroes, the trick is to give each of them a degree of sympathy. I think the arbiter (Thanquil) and the knife for hire (The Black Thorn) are fascinating character studies. Their flaws are real, and Thanquil’s core desire is admirable even if his job forces him into so brutal situations. I wasn’t such a fan of Jezzet, as her character seems oddly submissive for a blademaster, but I can say that submissiveness is a character arc she works with, so while I wasn’t a huge fan, I at least understood it was intentional.  This story bounced around with these characters quite a bit, and that got confusing and frustrating in the early chapters.  However, once I had everyone figured out, I could follow the story and connect better with each character. I’ve encountered this same problem in my writing, but I feel both I and Hayes made the right choice. The cost of confusion is worth the reward of sympathetic characters.

Exposition:  Most of this was hidden in the dialogue. It wasn’t overly noticeable. It might be a tad “infodumpy” (word copyright M.L.S. Weech) in a spot or two, but once the plot gets moving, the action makes up for any lag early in the story.

World building:  This element of the book had more promise than actual results, but as the first book in the series, I feel it was an intensional tease on the author’s part. We get just enough to make us want to learn how things work. I found myself wanting to learn more (especially about the magic system), but I was at least satisfied with what I did get. The author clearly did a lot of work prepping a dark, visceral world with many secrets to discover. If you can get through the content (or like that sort of content), you’ll love the depth this world offers, but book one is more a flash of how epic this world can be than it is a revelation of the world’s depth.

[image error]Dialogue: I may be the victim of the audio narrators on this part. Some of it seemed a bit forced, and it’s possible the narrators over-emphasized that. It wasn’t stilted or wooden by any means. It just felt  a little more caricature-like than I might have appreciated. That said, the raw nature of their dialogue (most of these characters are extremely flawed) comes out in the dialogue, and it supported the development of each character.

Description: Having been as long as it’s been since I read it (May 23), I remember less about it than I’d like.  The good news is I remember I didn’t feel overly burdened with minute details (something I don’t appreciate about some fantasy). What I do remember is actually wanting a bit more detail here or there. Not another 100,000 words of detail, just a bit more here and there. For instance The Black Thorn is burned, but I don’t remember much detail about the burns. It sort of reminds me of what people tell me is the blemish on Samantha’s face in Ready Player One which turned out to be quite minimized in the movie (I still liked the movie for the record).  What I mean is I know he’s burned, but I’m not really sure how badly.  Those little details are things I think I would have liked.

Overall: I can appreciate the writing and plot of this story. I would have been more captivated with it three years ago than I am now (I’m more sensitive to some content than I used to be). What I know is it took a bit to get into things (bouncing characters). Interesting world building and compelling characters made this a story that people can get into. It’s a great book one with a lot of teasing into some larger scope. Fans of dark fantasy with a lot of grit will probably enjoy this.

Thanks for reading,

Matt

Testimony: My Trial of Faith as My Mom Struggled With Cancer Part 27

See Part 1 here.

See Part 2 here.

See Part 3 here.

See Part 4 here.

See Part 5 here.

See Part 6 here.

See Part 7 here.

See Part 8 here.

See Part 9 here.

See Part 10 here.

See Part 11 here.

See Part 12 here.

See Part 13 here.

See Part 14 here.

See Part 15 here.

See Part 16 here.

See Part 17 here.

See Part 18 here.

See Part 19 here.

See Part 20 here.

See Part 21 here.

See Part 22 here.

See Part 23 here.

See Part 24 here.

See Part 25 here.

See part 26 here.

The Trip Home

I was talking to my friend, and we were halfway to the airport. I was actually talking to her about how much I read the Bible these days.

“There’s no way I could get through this time without the strength reading the Bible has given me.”

Then my phone rang.

Dad called to tell me that in the early morning of July 26, 2018, my mother passed away.

I don’t remember a word of that conversation. I hardly remember any of that morning if I’m being honest. Sure, bits and pieces are there, but my mind tends to focus on tasks when I’m feeling sad. Accomplishment is something that drives me (a sinful thing that, but I am a task oriented person). At that moment, getting home was something I could do.

I hung up and said a brief prayer. I told my friend my mom died, and my friend was kind enough to volunteer to let everyone at work know.

I do remember reiterating that, while I was absolutely sad, I had a degree of comfort. I believe this happened for a reason. I can say with complete assurance that I’m a better person today through the faith and comfort God granted me throughout this journey. I felt strengthened, and I know that strength didn’t come from me; it came from God.

As I went through the usual airplane process, I arranged with my brother to pick him up so that we could drive to Yuma together. I was honestly very happy to have the company.

I kept going to those same parts of the Bible I’d found the night before: Matthew Chapter 5, and Romans.

I have no idea how many times I read them. I do know that each time I read them, I felt my strength returning. It’s my opinion that Romans (while starting in a place of hopelessness) is the most uplifting book of the Bible. I’m sure there are other opinions, but my mom had just died, and whenever I felt overwhelmed, that was the Sword of the Spirt and the Shield of Faith I wielded in my battle with despair.

After I arrived at my brother’s house in Phoenix, we piled into the rented car and started the drive home.

We spent a portion of the drive talking about our regrets. I’m still of the opinion that a lot of the turmoil my family suffered is a direct result of my failure to show up when my sister called for help all those months ago.

My brother shared his regrets. They’re his, and so I won’t share them in this. What matters is we found comfort talking things out.

One issue remained unresolved at that moment. My nephew, who’s favorite person in the world, was in the car with us, and we hadn’t told him why we were going to Yuma. Whatever we were going to do, we wanted to do it with as much of the family as we could have around us.

We met two of my sisters where I returned the rental. There, my brother (in law) and sister talked for a moment, discussing what the best option would be. How  do you tell a child his favorite person in the world was dead?

We decided to get home and go from there. Somewhere in that process, I volunteered.

I’m not honestly sure why I did it. I know part of me wanted to save his parents at least a piece of the heartache. As one who knew it had to be done, I’m sure a part of me just wanted to see a necessary thing finished.

So after we got home and settled in, we sat The Boy (this is how I refer to him in public/social settings) down in a circle.

I don’t remember every word I said, but I remember the way I wanted to do it. I started by telling him how much we love him.

“We didn’t tell you why we’re here,” I said. “Grandma’s gone.”

“She’s not here?” he asked.  The rest of us knew, but he didn’t understand yet.

His mom explained that she’d gone to be with Great Grandma. Eventually, I said as softly as I could. “She’s dead.”

“She’s dead?” Tears immediately started falling.  We pulled him in for what might be the record for largest, longest family hug ever.

He cried for a short time, but after a few minutes (as kids often do), he started running around, laughing and playing.

I’m not asserting in any way he just bounced back. He’s a curious, intuitive boy. A lot of us are still concerned about how he’s handling this, and it’s just hard to know in a time like this.

As The Boy started roaming around, I pulled my sisters (those who were there at that point) into a hug. I held them there, letting them cry in my arms, telling them we’ll be OK.

It had to be in the early a.m. at that point. I offered to read the books of the Bible I’d been reading with someone, and one of my sisters volunteered.

From there, we went to bed knowing we’d have to start picking up the pieces the next day.

 

 

Questions and Revelations

Why does Romans begin in hopelessness?

I really don’t know how to word that assertion, but it’s accurate. The first four chapters establish that we are sinners; we are worthy of God’s wrath; and there’s nothing we can do to fix it. So yeah, pretty hopeless.

Then it talks about peace with God through righteousness. It tells us of our salvation and how nothing can pull the saved from God’s love through Christ (Romans 8). So it starts by making it clear there’s nothing man can do to find salvation, but then explains how God assured our salvation. This is so that we remember that God deserves the glory for our salvation and resulting eternal life with Christ.

The unnamable question:

I’ve been pondering the best way to present these thoughts. How are you able to do this? How do you feel after it happened? Do you feel let down because God didn’t save your mom? There’s a question in there that’s composed of all of these questions.

In science, there are some things we claim exist simply by pointing out how those suggested things affect the rest of the universe. A black hole is an example. We point at the light being sucked into something, and declare that’s how we know the black hole is there.

Honestly, I get frustrated sometimes at how some try to refute God’s existence through science when it takes the same amount of faith to believe in, say, the theory of evolution as it does to believe in God. You’ve never seen God or a miracle! True, but there are absolutely no fossils linking man to monkey, not one. So for someone to claim God doesn’t exist and that evolution is real, they have every bit as much evidence to literally point to as one who claims God exists.  It is a statement of faith. I digress the world at large knows, historically that Jesus existed. Beyond the Bible, there are records. Colleges give degrees to people for the study of the human life of Jesus. His existence is factual while others try to deny his deity. However one might want to argue whether Christ rose from the dead, no one, believing or not, denies he lived. Meanwhile, science has had the same 2,018 years to find the fossil showing the (hilariously titled) “missing link.” I don’t often get into debates like this, but I need to establish this information to answer this unnamed question.

No matter what someone believes. No matter what master they serve: God or science, the flesh or spirit, themselves or nature; there comes a point when the evidence to definitively prove that belief falls short through the eyes of those who cling to other beliefs.

So this is what I believe:

I am able to do this. I feel comforted through this process because of the grace God has given to me, which is sufficient to carry me through this trial though the flesh of my heart is broken.

I am so very sad that my mother has gone, but from a certain point of view, it would be worse to think God didn’t save her. Why? Because the point of life isn’t to exist until one dies.

This existence we are in is not the end, but the beginning of eternity. God saved my mom years ago when she professed her faith in Jesus and then taught us about him when we were young. Never once in my middle years or as I grew did she ever deny Christ or declare the end of her belief. To think, “God didn’t save her,” to me, implies that this mortal life is all there is.

So I hold to the belief that this life is the one in which we endure, for as long as we have to, until God calls us home.

Yes, I wish God had cured my mom of cancer, but that’s not remotely the same thing as saving her. Salvation is reconciliation with God through Jesus crucified. Everything else is secondary and just nice to have.

When I started this, I explained that 90 years of suffering still won’t compare to eternity. As sad as that day, and the days that followed, were. They are pieces, slivers of eternity that will seem as nothing especially when Mother and I are reunited in God’s kingdom.

God didn’t, hasn’t, nor ever will let someone down, but we mortals sometimes elevate ourselves above him because (in this case) I think in terms of what I want more so than what God wants. It is at these times I remind myself that all God does is for my own good.

There will be mockers out there. Someone will read this whole thing and say, “What good is your God that you showed all that faith and he still let her die?”

My reply is that “God is good, because he gave me that faith, and even through this heartbreaking loss, he allows my faith to remain because all that he does is for good, and not for evil.”

It is good that my mom isn’t being woken by pain. It is good that my mom is finally called home. It is good that I feel, deep in my heart, a strength that I simply can’t attribute to myself or anything in me, so it must be from Him.

Sure, like a selfish, petulant, and spoiled child, I want more. I cry out for my mother even while I plan to marry my fiancee.

The aforementioned doubters will say, “I thought God would give you a perfect life.”

He will, but this perfect existence is one to come, not on this world or in this time. Even if I were more selfish than I already am (which is extremely so), I can’t possibly call my life horrible. Perfect? No, but I don’t expect perfection because Jesus hasn’t returned, and I haven’t died to go to Heaven.

Those doubters will point and accuse, but I ask of them (and of you), what reason do you have to assault my faith?  Why do we argue? Why do we debate? No sane person would ever point at the sky and say, “It’s blue.” No sane person would even hear a fool who jumps up and counters, “No! It’s green!”

Why? Because that person is clearly wrong, and you are clearly right. It’s fact. We don’t argue the things which we believe to be fact. We argue the things we doubt so that we might be convinced of our misperceptions or emboldened in our beliefs.

So these days, when someone tries to assert God doesn’t exist or Jesus didn’t rise from the dead, I realize I don’t have to argue. The sky is blue, and if they don’t see it, no amount of me pointing will make them see. Only God can grant sight to the blind. I can live in my belief. I can state my faith. I can do as I’ve been commissioned and spread the good news. But I, and all humanity, lacks the ability to make anyone believe.

As one who enjoys debates and the one who began this question under the framework of proof, I acknowledge that any who is convicted of their beliefs can do the same as I have just said. For I believe, and no amount of pointing will make me see anything but Christ and him crucified for my salvation.

But only one who reads this on the surface will see this as a commentary on debate. It isn’t, and I explain here to make it plain. This is a commentary on faith, which by definition can’t be proven until the end. And the reason for that faith exists because I know my mind. I know how analytical I am. And there is absolutely no internal organ, muscle or synapse that exists in me that can make we wake up and believe. Therefore; the only possible source of that faith and confidence must be external, and therefore be from God.

My faith is not justified because I got what I want out of this. Indeed, it might have been perceptually nullified. My faith is justified because I didn’t get what I want, yet I still believe.

If you have other questions regarding my faith or thoughts or actions at this point, feel free to ask, and I’ll add them to the blog.  I try to ensure these passages are self reflective. My chaplain told me to take this opportunity to look at myself, but at the moment, those were the only real thoughts going through my mind. Questions might help me remember other thoughts or parts of The Bible I’d overlooked while typing this post.

Thanks for reading

Matt

The August Book Cover of the Month Has Begun!

Happy first everyone!  This is the bracket launch, but first, we interrupt this bracket for two very important announcements.

[image error]First: I’m engaged! She said yes.  Well, I knew she was going to, but I finally got around to giving her the ring that’s been taunting me for at least a few months.

 

 

 

 

[image error]Second: The Power of Words is officially available for preorder! You can lock in your ebook for just 99 cents. It goes live Oct. 1, and will be 99 cents from today until Oct. 14.  All four of us (TW Iain, Richard T. Drake, Heidi Angell, and myself) are so proud of this. I hope you’ll preorder a copy.

 

[image error]Now, it’s time to start a new book cover of the month competition.

Age of War by Michael J. Sullivan joins 31 brand new covers this month.

You can vote all the way through the tournament, supporting the covers you like best through each round. I like to make sure people get the credit they deserve, so please show your support. Please vote and share as much as possible to get people a chance to pick their favorite.

As always, I’d appreciate it if you tag the authors and artists if you know them. I try to tag or friend every author I can, but sometimes it’s hard to track someone down. Max participation is a huge deal to me. The more people who vote, the more recognition these authors and artists receive, and I want this to be as legitimate as possible.

[image error]Image taken from Pixabay.

If you are the author, let’s remember to be good sports! 1) Please feel free to message or contact me at any time. 2) Please feel free to like, share, text, ask for support, and call everyone you know. I absolutely want max participation. However, if you’re going to offer giveaways or prizes, please offer them for voting, not just voting for you.

Also, while your summoning your army of voting soldiers, please make sure you ask them to vote in every match. Part of the idea of this is to get exposure to as many artists and authors as possible. By all means, if you can get 1,000 people to vote for your book, do it. Just please also send some eyeballs to the other matches.

A final note to authors and artists: I currently have links to the books’ Amazon pages. If you’d prefer I switch that link to sign up for your newsletter or like your social media page or whatever, just send me the link and let me know. I want this to help you. I want this to be as helpful as possible, so whatever you need me to do to facilitate that, just let me know.

I hope you keep having fun. Please, vote, share, and discuss as much as possible.

All you have to do now is head over here to vote!

Thanks for reading,

Matt

Book Review: Dream Student by J.J. DiBendetto

[image error]Spolier Free Summary: Dream Student by J.J. DiBenedetto is a YA Romance Paranormal mystery novel about Sara Barnes, a med-school student who’s having strange dreams, some of which are horrifying.

She doesn’t think too much about them until she meets the boy of these dreams. Realizing he’s real, she pursues (aggressively) a relationship with him. However, if her romantic dreams are real, her horror comes back when she realizes her nightmares were also real. She chooses to use her dreams to learn who the killer is and help bring him to justice.

DISCLAIMER: J.J. is a friend and fellow author. I met him at AwesomeCon and he became a fan of my work. I think well of him, and bought his book because of the wonderful support and kindness he showed me. I assure you, the only “hookup” I gave was to buy the book based on that friendship. My opinions on his book are based solely on his book.

Character:  This is hot and cold for me. I think Sara’s a good character. Most who know me know I’m really not a fan of romance, and YA romance only amplifies that distaste. So if I read a book like that and don’t want to throw the main character out of a window, you can trust that fans of the genre will love it. The problems I have with the characters in this book are simply common problems I have with any character in a romance novel, or a YA novel; and when it’s a YA romance, well, God help me. I expected to have to slog through this book, but Dibenedetto’s Sara Barnes is a character worthy of a story. Sure, she jumps into some decisions that I sometimes struggle with, but I consider those hazard of the genre more than failures of the author.

Exposition:  This was where I felt there was the most room for improvement. Here, I understand that 1st person narrative inherently feels like a ball of exposition, but I noticed a few times where the MC seemed to be explaining herself to convince the reader to go with the plot more than provide scope or context. This wasn’t a problem through the whole book, but it got real heavy in the middle, and that part did indeed slow me down. Characters do this in 1st person, and if done with the right emotional tone and timing, readers consider it more snark, wit, or contemplation than justification. Here, I felt that happened, and it happened more than I feel it should. The consequence was that it slowed the middle of the book for me. This also happened at a point when I felt the story sort of veered off course. Once it got back on course, I was enthralled by the mystery and the clues.

World building:  This, alternatively, was a strength of the story. Whenever one deals with dreams in fiction (and I’d know a bit about this) it takes a lot of world building and planning. DiBenedetto does a solid job hiding clues in the dreams. He also uses those sequences and that world to a range of emotional results. In this, it felt a bit like the show Medium, which I enjoyed.

[image error]Dialogue: This again seemed to fit in line with typical YA themes. I felt the interactions between some characters (especially Sara’s friend) could have had a lot more conflict, giving the story depth, but typically in these books (at least the small sample I’ve read), the side characters tend to just roll with whatever insanity the main character heads for, which takes potential tension from the story. Yes, DiBenedetto did this, but not to a more offensive degree than any other YA book I’ve read does.

Description: This was average if not more effective in the dream sequences. J.J. uses detail to highlight clues, and I found myself paying more attention to description than I normally do (which is not at all). He doesn’t beat you to death with description. He’s also more merciful with some of the scenes one would commonly see in a mystery novel, and I appreciated that. However, I understand others would not like that. I’m more of a fan of cut aways mid swing than I am watching the blades trace lines of blood along a subject. I advise readers of this review to take note and decide which person you are to determine what you’ll think of this technique.

Overall: This book had a satisfying ending to a pretty cute paranormal romance mystery.  Sara was the most interesting part. Like any good 1st person story, she’s the reason I kept turing the pages in a book that falls outside my genre preferences. I’d recommend this to this genre’s readers and fans of the TV show Medium.

Thanks for reading,

Matt

Testimony: My Trial of Faith as My Mom Struggled With Cancer Part 26

See Part 1 here.

See Part 2 here.

See Part 3 here.

See Part 4 here.

See Part 5 here.

See Part 6 here.

See Part 7 here.

See Part 8 here.

See Part 9 here.

See Part 10 here.

See Part 11 here.

See Part 12 here.

See Part 13 here.

See Part 14 here.

See Part 15 here.

See Part 16 here.

See Part 17 here.

See Part 18 here.

See Part 19 here.

See Part 20 here.

See Part 21 here.

See Part 22 here.

See Part 23 here.

See Part 24 here.

See Part 25 here.

The Last Calls

I was at work, coaching students on one of their writing assignments when I got a text from one of my sisters.

“Mom’s going back into the hospital.”

I wasn’t supposed to answer it or reply to it, but I did. I had a student right in front of me, and that student shouldn’t have had to succeed or fail based on my desire to reply to a text. I apologized to the student and helped her with the assignment. Once the assignment ended, I went and told my most immediate supervisor what had gone on. He was kind enough to forgive me, but it doesn’t make what I did right. I stand behind that.

I called my sister back after that. It started with the need to get her a bit of medicine to help her be more comfortable. By this point, my mom was already in constant, unbearable pain.

I’d mentioned previously that I’d called my dad. What I hadn’t told you yet was that the conversation ended when my mom woke up in agony. Even over the phone, I heard her crying. They had pain medication, but it would knock her out and give her a bit of sleep before the pain returned to wake her.

Hearing she was returning to the hospital at least gave her more access to care and medicine. Plus, the idea was to get her a bit stronger.

I called the sister who texted me. At that point, things just looked like a visit. My sister was still affected by the miscommunication that ended up in hurt feelings, so I simply reminded her to focus on Mom.

Wednesdays are usually fun for me. I have a trivia contest some friends and I participate in. I got home with enough time to change and headed out. I think I was about one round into trivia when I got another call.

The doctors had determined that Mom wouldn’t make it through the night. It was somewhere around 8 p.m. I was pretty numb by that point. I’ve never been one to rush, and the more emotional I feel, the more I tend to want to break things down into tasks. I told my friends what was happening. Then I paid my tab and headed home as swiftly and safely as I could.

The first priority was to find a way to get home as quickly as possible. We looked at so many websites. I looked for direct flights into Yuma. Ultimately, the trip that got me to Yuma the fastest was to fly into Phoenix, rent a car, and drive home. Unfortunately, the quickest flight out wasn’t until the next morning.

The sister who lives in Phoenix offered to wait, but I understood what it meant to be there. It was honestly touching to hear her willing to risk missing those last few moments, but I simply didn’t see the sense in two of us not being there. I thank God for that line of thinking.

Once I got the trip lined up, it was time to let everyone know.

First, I messaged my boss.

“Dear Matt,” he replied. “I am grieving with you and praying now for you, your mom and extended family.”

He told me not to worry about some of the administrative tasks I had to handle. Then he finished the message with, “May God grant you His peace that surpasses all understanding. God bless!”

Next I told those whom I work with.

They showered me with support.

“We love you, Matt. Please let us know if there’s anything we can do.”

“Thinking of you, Matt. My heart goes out to you. You’re on my mind.”

“Matt, please let us know if there is anything we can do for you. Peace for you and your family in this time.”

I asked my coworker, whom I think of as my Christian support, to give me a ride into work the next morning.

Next I called my girlfriend.

Then I sent a video chat to yet another of my sisters. This particular sister is one whom I adopted a few years back.

“It’s time,” I said.

At first, they (her and her husband, whom I also adopted as my brother) were excited. They thought I was telling them I’d proposed to my girlfriend.

“No, not that. Mom. It’s time.”

The mood immediately shifted. They sat together, stunned. After all those calls and all that work, I was running low on strength.

“I need you to know that I’m sad, but I’m comforted,” I said with tears in my eyes. “I know that what’s happening is for the best.”

I want to say I made sure to praise God. I honestly don’t remember. I know that I said my faith is in Him, but that’s it. I was running on emotion and exhaustion.

They talked to me for a few more moments, offering encouragement. I wanted to make sure that I explained how I wasn’t turning from God. I tried, with an undetermined amount of success, to explain that while my heart was breaking, I had comfort from God and His plan.

My mother raised me. She took care of us all when we left the bio-dad. She single handedly, cared for three children who were under 18, two who periodically needed a place to stay, one best friend who later became my brother, and pretty much every child she thought needed someone.

She was the cornerstone of my family, and she would be gone in a matter of hours.

Sadness doesn’t begin to explain it. I prayed, first, thanking God for his grace and mercy. Then I started reading the Bible. I’m not honestly sure how much I read. I read a few Psalms. Then, I found Matthew, Chapter 5. Then I found Romans. Eventually, I prayed again.

I won’t quote the prayer because I’m not sure what words I said exactly (and giving false testimony isn’t something I intend to do).

What I know is I prayed, hoping God understood that despite my sadness, I chose to turn to him for comfort. I would not focus on my sadness. Rather, I would focus on him, and trust him to give me strength.

As He always does, He provided. The strength He gave me helped me get through the next day and those that followed.

 

Questions and Revelations

Why should we believe when you started this claiming God would save your mom?

I’m not in a place where I can state what one should do. However, even now I believe that prayer in faith is always appropriate. Yes, God could have simply cured her, but I’m not going to even dare claim that his sovereign choice not to was in any way evidence of his lack of love, mercy, or grace.

I’ll talk about this more in the coming weeks, but it’s important I establish now that the lack of getting what I hoped for isn’t a reason to turn away or feel abandoned.

I know that any who suffer desires an end to that suffering, but I also know that, “suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope, and hope does not put us to shame because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirt, which has been given to us.” (Romans 5:3-5)

Not getting my heart’s desire isn’t evidence of God’s ignorance or abandonment; it’s evidence of his sovereignty and design.

One shouldn’t ever believe just because they got this or they got that. Again, God isn’t some genie. One should believe because a life dedicated to Jesus and serving him is far better than a life without. I can say that even in these circumstances. If I didn’t have my faith, I would be every bit as sad, and I’d have nothing in which to put my sadness and no way to find comfort that reached my heart. If I didn’t have God in this time, I’d have never made it through the next week.

If you have other questions regarding my faith or thoughts or actions at this point, feel free to ask, and I’ll add them to the blog.  I try to ensure these passages are self reflective. My chaplain told me to take this opportunity to look at myself, but at the moment, those were the only real thoughts going through my mind. Questions might help me remember other thoughts or parts of The Bible I’d overlooked while typing this post.

Thanks for reading

Matt

Why Clara Oswald Fell Apart as a Character

I’m a huge Doctor Who fan. When Clara was first introduced, and when her arc with Matt Smith ended I considered her one of the better characters.

[image error]Image taken from Pinterest for character study purposes.

However, from the moment Capaldi’s arc started, I’m of the opinion that the writers weren’t ready to let Smith go so Capaldi could shine, and no character suffered more for that than Clara.

During Capaldi’s entire arc, Clara’s character degraded to such a degree that I’m of the opinion there are some who think of her as one of the worst companions of the modern era. But why?

 

Here are my reasons:

Continuity Conflict: We established that Clara’s arc at the end of Smith’s tenure was wonderful. The problem is, when Smith left and Capaldi came in Clara was resentful of the “older” Capaldi. She had an entire episode where she “came to grips” with the Doctor being a different person.  The problem is, if anyone were able to roll with the regeneration mojo, it would be the companion who has helped every doctor to have been or to come. In fact, she should have recognized that doctor.


[image error]Image taken from the TARDIS Data Core website.

Some might argue, “But her memory reset!”  Really, then explain the scene when Clara speaks with the aged Smith in “Time of the Doctor.” She told him, “You’ll just pop up with a new face.” This is when the show went on to account for the cannon’s established number of regenerations (12).  She knew that Smith would go, and another new face would appear.
Only she didn’t. She acted with shock and even asked if there was a way to change him back. This rather bigoted point of view from a character who should know the Doctor better than most just felt half-hearted. Especially in the “argument” she posed on why she wasn’t bigoted (but then continued to doubt the Doctor.


[image error]A Love Story with No Love: The show went on to push the love story between her and Danny Pink. The problem, they never developed that love story. Compare the love story between Rory and Amy, a story that was so compelling, Amy’s choice to stay go be with Rory (while the reason I hate her (she was the only character the Doctor begged to stay with him)) made sense because they established several times through  multiple season just how much they mean to one another.  Meanwhile, Pink went on one awful date and had one speech (in which she lied to this man she was supposed to love so much she betrayed the doctor). So when that episode happened, her heartbreak over Pink’s death just didn’t mean anything. For crying out loud, she professed her love over the phone. (eye roll)

This love story didn’t have any development or growth, so her reaction to his death just felt like an excuse.


A Fall From Grace with No Consequence: I think this is the most tragic reason this character just fell apart. The following season, we saw Clara begin to get pretty dark. (The justification did feel off from the beginning since we’re still just finding it hard to believe she cared so much for a man she willfully lied to.) Anyway, justification aside, this arc was fascinating…


[image error]Image taken from The Ultimate Guide to the Fashion of Doctor Who website.

… until she never had to face the consequences for her fall.  This season was one of the most frustrating for me because we’d see an episode that was just fantastic (Face the Raven or Heaven Sent) are undercut by episodes that render the tragic cost of those episodes moot. Clara makes a huge mistake and heroically accepts her fate (until the Doctor brings her back). I even disliked the return of the Doctor’s memories.
When character makes poor decision after poor decision but doesn’t face consequences, it annoys the audience. They start to doubt the story will unfold with any real suspension of disbelief.  Comic books kill characters and bring them back all the time; however, those characters are at least dead for more than two episodes.

All of these reasons have nothing to do with Jenna Coleman or her acting ability to act (which I feel is outstanding). The problem is, in my opinion, with the writing. The plotting for Clara’s arc lacked respect for her previously established cannon and enough foreshadowing to make her plot twists convincing.

I think this is all unfortunate as she was such a great companion through Smith’s tenure.  Whatever happens with this new Doctor, I’m glad this new Doctor is getting a new companion. This will let us judge the pair together and individually.

What do you think? Do you still like Clara? Do you have more reasons her arc didn’t work? (Please don’t just bash characters or actors. I always seek to analyze based on definable characteristics not just raw emotion.)

Thanks for reading,

Matt

Book Review: Saved Without a Doubt by John MacArthur

[image error]I picked up Saved Without a Doubt by John MacArthur immediately after finishing Found: God’s Will. What I appreciated most about both books is not just their Biblical basis, but the explanation of those passages and why they apply the way they do.

Saved offers readers two things: A test to determine if you are indeed saved, and assurance that if you are, your salvation is assured forever.

Both were incredibly important to me.

One of my biggest struggles in my walk with Christ is that I’m full of questions. What if? Why? How? What if is the biggest question. I’ve known a great many people who claimed to be Christian. Only their actions don’t have any adherence to Biblical guidance, and they constantly glorify themselves over God.

So my natural inclination is to wonder. If I were really saved, wouldn’t I be as self-righteous and judgmental as “those people.”

It’s here that I have to make sure you understand that I am Christian. I can’t know the hearts of other men. But what this book provided me was a way to ensure I’m saved by testing myself against Biblical ideals. I’ve come to learn that people can say and do whatever they want. God knows the hearts of man, and it’s his place to judge. What I needed to explain was my fear that if I pursued a closer relationship with Jesus, I’d start acting more like people who frightened me, even terrified me when I was a child.

The thing is, the saved, those who are truly saved, act more like Christ. And those who are truly interested in knowing how Christ acted should simply read the Gospels. Even for intellectual edification, that would at least provide a basis for understanding.

[image error]Portrait taken from Dr. MacArthur’s bio page on the Grace to You website. Image used for review purposes under Fair Use doctrine. 

MacArthur does a fantastic job of being honest without being hateful. He doesn’t insult or demean; he simply checks actions and comments against The Bible.

With all that said, this book comforted me. The most important thing I learned from it is that just because I have such a long way to go, doesn’t mean I’m not on the right path. The greatest temptation I feel is the thought of, “You’ll never be ‘good,’ so why try? Why not just give in because you already know you fall short of Jesus and the Glory of God?”

I don’t know about you all, but that line of thought had a powerful hold on me for a long time. This book provides ways to check one’s self, encouragement in the faith, and things to watch out for when that faith is challenged.

I’d recommend this book to anyone interested in becoming Christian as well as Christians who are interested in a Biblical checklist for assurance.

Thanks for reading,

Matt

Testimony: My Trial of Faith as My Mom Struggled With Cancer Part 25

See Part 1 here.

See Part 2 here.

See Part 3 here.

See Part 4 here.

See Part 5 here.

See Part 6 here.

See Part 7 here.

See Part 8 here.

See Part 9 here.

See Part 10 here.

See Part 11 here.

See Part 12 here.

See Part 13 here.

See Part 14 here.

See Part 15 here.

See Part 16 here.

See Part 17 here.

See Part 18 here.

See Part 19 here.

See Part 20 here.

See Part 21 here.

See Part 22 here.

See Part 23 here.

See Part 24 here.

Phone Calls

I think it took a few days to get a hold of my mom. She was exhausted from the trip, and the medicine she was taking always took something out of her. I had a chance to talk to one of my aunts, who I haven’t had the chance to see or talk to in quite some time.

Then I got to talk to Mom. I told her I understood she was tired. I talked to her about getting stronger so that we could try again. Mostly, we just shared our love for each other.

Even though she sounded so very tired, she wanted to make sure she told me she loved me. This is one of those things that wouldn’t change no matter what. I think I’ve learned from that call. We sometimes use, “I love you” perfunctorily. We say it like a sneeze or a casual bump during a ride on public transportation. My mom had lesions all the way down her throat. Eating was next to impossible, and talking couldn’t have been fun. But in our five-to-ten-minute conversation, she must have said, “I love you” four times.

It’s easy to say, “I love you” in times of joy or casual meetings. How meaningful it was to hear those words when I knew they literally hurt to say.

I spoke to one of my sisters next. At some point, the concept of salvation came up. She mentioned she was condemned because of a sin. I’m leaving this vague for a great many reasons. The most relevant reason is that there are people in the world who genuinely believe they’ve committed an “unforgivable” sin.  I don’t think my sister thought this particular sin was “unforgivable” except when viewed from the filter of our upbringing, and the false teachers we were bombarded with.

I digress. When people hear constantly that they will go to Hell for their sins, it’s possible they’ll be convinced.

My reply to my sister still holds true for any who feel they’ve done something or too much to be forgiven.

“If you haven’t accepted Jesus into your heart as your savior and repented of your sins, yes, you’re going to Hell.”

Not the nicest thing to say to a sister, but I wasn’t done yet.

“Nothing else can keep you from Heaven. If you know that Jesus died on the cross for your sins and strive to live a life without sin, then you are going to Heaven.”

I went on to explain one can increase their treasures in Heaven (Matthew 6:19-21). One should strive to be more sanctified each day. However, in this case, my desire was to put the key to the Kingdom in the right place. No man can condemn you for your sins. No man can deny you entrance into Heaven. No sin is so great as to be unforgivable. The moment we accept Christ as our savior and repent of our sins, we are saved, one and all.

We talked a bit more about our childhood. I explained how much I wish I’d read the Bible more as a child, for I would have been much more prepared to recognize false teachers for who they were.

There’s a balance that those who evangelize must walk, and it’s done in respect to the aspects of God. He is grace and sovereignty. Some focus too much on his grace and forgiveness, but others are to easily led astray simply by focusing too much on his sovereignty and judgement.

The conversation didn’t revolve around this topic. It fell there naturally, and we transitioned to other things after, but it was during this process I kept hoping I’d, I don’t know, do it right. No, I can’t actually save anyone. But I’d read about Peter and the sermon in Acts and felt a little convicted that he could speak a paragraph and convert thousands.

This is where people remind me that Peter was the lead apostle. He was filled with the spirt. I understand my own human limitations, and I’m grateful that God’s power is made perfect in my weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9). The point is being raised in a life filled with false teachers, it’s hard not to wonder if my words are seen as more of the same.

I have a ways to go in this regard. I should have more trust that when I’m called, I’ll be filled with the spirt to say exactly what I need to say. Hearts can be hardened or changed only through God.

My talk with my sister ended well, and that would be the last positive phone call I’d have.

The next day, this same sister called in tears. She’s said something to one sibling, who then took that information to the rest of the family. For whatever reason, there were a lot of misunderstandings, and my sister felt a powerful degree of judgment and anger.

“There is no God!” she said. “Because if there was, he’d never do something like this to me.”

I’ll be honest. A lot of retorts came to my mind. But this was a person acting out of extreme grief, sadness, and betrayal.

Sure, Job remembered to glorify God (Job), and Christians should rejoice in their sufferings (Romans 5:3-5), but sometimes people make mistakes.

Peter, the leader of all the apostles, denied Christ three times.  “I do not know him!” (Matthew 26:74).

Rather that act defensively or argue, I focused on the fact that she was hurting.

I think a great many people, especially well meaning Christians, too often forget that our command is to love one another. Maybe they want to defend God, who, by the way, doesn’t need our protection. Maybe they want to bring people to God. Maybe they want to defend the Bible. Regardless of motivation, not once in the Bible (I know, I read the whole thing) did Jesus or any apostle ever respond to threats, persecution or even violence with anger or more violence (Ok, you may through Peter at me on the night Jesus was arrested, but please also remember that Jesus rebuked Peter for that act, therefore showing it as the wrong response). At most, you might be able to argue they used harsh words. But even those harsh words were said in love to help those see the wrong done (Acts 2:22), and those words were always balanced with mercy and the chance for forgiveness (Acts 2:38).

So I did something I’m not exactly that good at. I listened some more. I offered my condolences that things had gotten taken so out of context. I offered whatever help I could.

Then I gave what insight I felt was appropriate:

When people act out of emotion, there’s no foundation for what they do. I have my rule book (the Bible). Others might have other standards, but my point is, if one acts in accordance to what he believes is right, he should take heart in knowing he’s doing right, even if he suffers for it.

My sister was doing what she felt was right. So, I believe, was everyone in the family. I’m not equipped with the knowledge and understanding one would need to truly judge the hearts of anyone. My point here was that if one believes he’s doing what is right in accordance to his faith, then even when he’s persecuted for it, he should take comfort that he is doing what is right. People shouldn’t judge.  The shouldn’t lash out, but they do. We can’t stop people from doing these things, but we can control what we do, and how we respond.

It doesn’t in any way make suffering less painful. It doesn’t make suffering fun or easy. It just gives comfort.

This conversation molded into an opportunity to show support.

“I will never turn from you. I will always love you. I will always try, in accordance to what I believe is right, to support you. No matter who else might abandon you or hate you, I will love you.”

Isn’t that what Jesus did? Don’t misunderstand; there are those who denied (and continue to deny0 Christ. However, notice the same above, that even some of those who literally crucified Christ were saved. The repented and were baptized. Do some refuse to repent? Yes. Do some continue to deny? Yes. However, Jesus is always there for those who choose to come to him. Therefore, I will love and be there for any who seek me for love or comfort.

I’m not sure when I spoke to my father again. I’d resolved to call home more often. Rather than my usual once a week call, I just called as much as I could. At some point in that conversation, Dad made it a point to explain that my sister hadn’t been cut off or denied access to information. One of my other sisters explained that the rest of the family understood they didn’t have all the accurate information. This reconciliation would be critical for the next set of phone calls I’d receive.

 

 

Questions and Revelations

What did she do?

It doesn’t matter. She didn’t do the thing for which everyone got mad. The thing she did was done out of love and concern.

This is a failing of mine I struggle with, but I’m blessed with the revelation of that struggle that I might help others see it.

Too often, when we’re wronged, we feel defensive or angry. I’m of the opinion that one of the most common commands the Lord has given us that we ignore is to forgive because we were forgiven (Colossians 3:13).

I understand how it feels to be hurt, wronged, judged, persecuted, injured, insulted, and even abused. I can’t even say honestly I’ve forgiven all those who’ve done those things to me. My point isn’t, and has never been, to show how “right” I am. My point is to help you see I understand how it feels.

What I want people to know is to forgive someone is in itself the best way to feel better. Those whom I can’t forgive only build in me more resentment, which brings more anger, which causes me to resent those who commit smaller versions of the original transgression. This only makes me more angry and breeds only more resentment in me. Suddenly my heart is filled with that anger and resentment rather than the very love and mercy I want from God.

Pray for me. Pray that God help me find the forgiveness in my own heart that he and his son offered to the worthless sinner that I am.  Let me not focus on what others have done to me, but only on that which I can do to be better. Let me not count off the wrongs I deemed were done to me, but let them go as nothing, as the price Christ payed for my sins caused God to passover me.

While there were many hurt feelings and angry resentments, I’m grateful to God that he softened the hearts of my loved ones to strive always to seek reconciliation. I hope they see that. I smile when I think about how much they’re doing to look not at the transgressions, but to at least seek compassion if not the ultimate goal of forgiveness.

Did it feel weird talking about God that way?

Yes. It’s very easy for me to see just how hypocritical and annoying I could be. Three years ago I only would talk about what a terrible Christian I was and how I should want or try to be better.  Those were the extents and short durations of my testimony.

Now I’m pretty much talking about God every day, and quite often throughout each day.

What I want to focus on, however, is why. My heart is filled! Each time I see someone hurting I think, wow, God can help with that. How do I know, because I’m hurting, and God’s helping me.  Wow, God can help ease this frustration. How do I know, because I’m frustrated, and God’s helping me.

For those who don’t see me as much as others, this probably seems like a dramatic shift. It’s actually been just about three years in total since this journey began. I got tired of being a “bad” Christian. I wanted to understand more, so I started reading the Bible. I wanted to be encouraged, so I started watching sermons online. I wanted to show God I was committed to being better, so I started attending the church that streamed those sermons.

But I’ll confess I feel the most awkward speaking to my family about my faith because I’m quite aware of how we see what some call “organized religion.” Others might call it, “what those church people do.” I’m not honestly sure how others describe it, but I remember the pastor who’d block my path to tell me how I was bound for Hell.  I remember the story of how this other church sat my mom down and directed her to “get over” my bio-dad’s molestation of her daughter.

So every time I even talk about things, I feel this “ping” of, “Here it comes.”  To be clear, my family hasn’t shown me an ounce of resentment or anger when I talk about it. Some have asked respectfully that I don’t try to preach to them, but that’s it. I’m still of the opinion that the source of all that weirdness is that group of false teachers.

How do you react when you feel weird?

This is a spot of growth for me because I’m not quite sure what to do. When I don’t know what to do, I don’t do anything.

I’ve seen a person (not in my family) talk about how they don’t believe. If they’re aggressive in their comments (acting from anger or defensiveness), I don’t say anything. If they don’t want to hear about God, no amount of me talking will make them suddenly want to hear about  God. I don’t want to make God a point of argument or debate.

If I see that someone is curious or seeking opinions, then I speak, offering what I know and being honest when I don’t know.

This is how I’ve evolved from those aggressive false teachers in my life. If one doesn’t want to hear or can’t, no amount of screaming will make them hear. This doesn’t mean I’m not honest about my thoughts and feelings. It doesn’t mean I deny or try not to talk about God.  I simply try to just be me.

If you have other questions regarding my faith or thoughts or actions at this point, feel free to ask, and I’ll add them to the blog.  I try to ensure these passages are self reflective. My chaplain told me to take this opportunity to look at myself, but at the moment, those were the only real thoughts going through my mind. Questions might help me remember other thoughts or parts of The Bible I’d overlooked while typing this post.

Thanks for reading

Matt

The Top 5 Most Awesome Heroes In Fantasy

Greetings all,

So I was running dry on ideas. I’d been doing a lot of update posts and bracket posts, and I felt it was time to do something different. That got me thinking about one of my favorite reasons I read fantasy: the idea of “who would win in a fight?”

Therefore, I decided to do a “Top 5” list. What is this list based on? My opinion! It’s my list. I hope this post encourages healthy (kind-hearted) debate. It may even inspire a bracket.

What do I base my opinion on?

That’s a great question. The first is memorability. I’m going to provide the five characters who came to my mind. If I have to try to remember you, you clearly aren’t that powerful. The down side? I honestly haven’t read that much. Oh I read a lot, but there are books I haven’t read (again why I hope you lovely readers would be interested in enlightening a fan). So, you can also look at my “read” bookshelf on Goodreads to tell me if there’s someone in a book I read that you think would top any of these five. From there, it’s based on sheer power and capability.  Limitations are also factored. for instance, you won’t find an Aes Sedai on this list. All I’d have to do is not threaten them, and, though they could make life inconvenient, they couldn’t hurt me. The rest is just me thinking about what I’ve read about them doing and how impressive it is.

Now that the logistics are covered, let’s see who’s the top dog!

[image error]#5: Ian Troy, The Crown of Stones  I honestly had a fight with myself about this.  Do I select the characters “at their most powerful” or their power level (or lack there of) at the end of the last book I read. Since most nerds like me will always argue fights on a “height-of-power” scale, I went with that as well. Ian begins the whole series with a display of power that would put any on this list on notice. Ian stops at number four because the crown serves as a weak point that could be exploited.  Since I have to take the character at the height of his power, I must also take him at the most dangerous of issues weaknesses too.  Ian could honestly destroy a world, but his power comes at the expense of the lives of others. This wouldn’t be a problem for a villain, but a former addict trying to protect life just wouldn’t consciously throw power around at the expense of (possibly) those he loves.

[image error] #4: Gandalf, The Lord of the Rings: I honestly had a lot of trouble placing him. As one reads LotR, it’s easy to understand he has the potential to lay waste to a number of opponents. The thing is, we never really see him do much in the way of magic. We feel like he could, so I have him all the way up to number three just for that reason, but he never really displayed it. If someone said to drop him to 4 or even 5, I don’t know that I could argue, except that the guy seems so powerful.  Therefore, I met in the middle.  This ranking (I feel) gives the potential of his power respect while also taking into account how little power he actually used in the books.

[image error]#3: Vin, Mistborn: I think she’d fall in this spot even without the “at her most powerful” rule. She wasn’t just powerful, she used that power in clever ways that made it pretty much unfair to fight her (unless you’re essentially a god). The events of the book take that seeming unfairness and make it down right laughable to think she couldn’t take out pretty much anyone. Allomancy is just an awesome power, and a full Mistborn is pretty much impossible to beat if you’re limited to a single power, but not if you’re using the One Power.

[image error]#2: Rand al’Thor, The Wheel of Time: The Dragon Reborn already has the strength to “break the world.” The One Power is such that some serious power get’s flung around. With this power, characters can make or flatten mountains. They can even use a weapon so great it erases one from existence (or even burns away parts of their life).  There are even ways to amplify that power! It’s honestly ridiculous when I think about it, but it’s so fun to read. While Rand could break a planet, he could make one, so he falls second to number one on the list.

[image error]#1: Harmony, The Cosmere: Sure, anyone who follows my blog knows Sanderson is my favorite author. But I dare you to point out a character who has god-power X 2. The Cosmere surrounds sixteen shards of what was once a whole. Each single shardholder is known as a god in their system. Harmony has two. Even Sanderson has said flatly that Harmony is the most powerful shard-holder for this reason. 2-4 could probably end a world, but Harmony could create one if he wanted. Some may argue limitations here, but only one shardholder to my knowledge is actually limited. Two were limited for reasons explained in the books. But, as far as I know, Harmony could do whatever he wanted, and no one could stop him. At his most powerful, there isn’t a fantasy hero (or even many villains) I can think of who could stop him.

So there’s my list! What do you think? Who would you add to the list of “most powerful”? Who would you rank higher than my guys? Do you think I got my list wrong? I want to hear it folks!

Thanks for reading,

Matt

Announcing the July Book Cover of the Month!

Hello everyone,

We’ve just wrapped up another month. It was simply a historically amazing month. It did so well, I’m pinching myself trying to make sure I’m not dreaming. My goal for this is exposure for authors. Yes, I get some exposure as well, but I’d rather get exposure through helping others get visibility than any other way. This month made me hope we’re reaching a new level.

We had 9,787 votes this month. That’s far and away a new record! Thank you so much! For a moment, I thought we were actually going to crack 10,000.

One cover pulled away early; another surged late (big time), but it wasn’t enough to catch this month’s winner.

The July Book Cover of the Month is…

[image error]

 

Asunder by L. Steinworth! If you’re curious about how I felt about the book, check out the Facebook post that I posted when this book first landed on the bracket, here.

Let’s look at the stats!

Steinworth received 784 total votes. I’d put her as the early favorite to win the Book Cover of the Year Bracket in December.

Age of War by Michael J. Sullivan came in second, so Sullivan gets a shot at next month’s title. Hopefully he gets the same support. Usually, 30 Finals votes will get a win.  Sullivan had 64, so he’d be the very early favorite. Also, Sullivan has been in several of these brackets. He’s come in second a few times. I think he’d like to get a win.

But for now, let’s look at this month’s winner!

Amazon:

(START BLURB)

Alden knew life in the Shadowen Thieves Guild would cost him greatly, but when their next mission means abducting Princess Mayli Drake of Ammos, the price is too high. Defying the guild, Alden sets out to return Mayli safely home in hopes of restoring peace with the kingdom of Brimley. Mayli feels as though her life has torn asunder after being taken captive. However, if she is to survive, she must come to trust the renegade thief loyal to her mother’s killer. As Alden pleads for Brimley’s innocence, Mayli begins to question what she thought she knew about her kingdom’s enemies.

(END BLURB)

I’ve added Asunder to my TBR. (For those who are new to the deal, I buy the Book Cover of the Month to read and review in the future. I buy all the winning covers. I’ve already bought June, May, April, March, February, January, December’s book.

[image error]Here’s Steinworth’s Facebook page. Give it a like if you’re curious about her and her work.

Steinworth actually designed this very cover herself.  There’s a video of some of it somewhere, and I’ll try to link it.

The August Book Cover of the Month is coming along, and that contest will launch Sept. 1.

I will continue to identify and select covers for each day from Amazon’s New Release section for fantasy and science fiction. If you follow and like my Facebook page, you can see what covers will make the bracket.

Thanks for reading

Matt