B.L. Dayhoff's Blog, page 4

Thoughts on Publishing

There has been a fair amount of drama in the publishing industry this week, with the announcement by Less Than Three to close at the end of the month and the firing (Oh, sorry, “restructuring”) of Angela James of Carina. I try to avoid drama, but so many “self-publishing is better/safer” posts had me screaming.

I get what they’re saying. The publishing world is uncertain and chaotic right now with Dreamspinner not paying their authors/artists appropriately, LT3 closing, and a huge advocate for diversity being shunted from Carina. And self-publishing is an obvious solution to that.

But to some degree, and not to get super political here, self-publishing feels a lot like people who, when someone complains about the state of their country, tell them to “go to a different country if you hate it so much.”

Because that original country is still going to be shitty and a wreck. And what about all the people who can’t just pick up their stuff and leave? (Not to mention certain countries not welcoming refugees, let alone people who just want out.) So bravo, you have the option to self-publish, but that just means it’s silencing the voices of all the people who don’t have that option.

Because self-publishing is hard. Hell, publishing with a small press is hard. I’m not great with marketing and a lot of small presses need you to do your own. I don’t have a huge online presence, cuz the internet depresses me and exhausts me. I dream of the old days where the author would send a manuscript in and never have to interact with the public. But that’s not realistic.

I have (half-heartedly) tried to self-pub. It was a book that already had been edited, so I didn’t need to buy an editor ($$$). I made the covers myself rather than paying a cover artist ($$). So all I needed to do was hit “print” on Amazon, right? Oh, except all that PR stuff. Because having a following matters. I just read a very good “how to PR” article that stressed that it’s important to create a following/presence before your first book drops. Interact with people, be real, etc etc. Which is hard when just logging in to Twitter is hard. When you’re overwhelmed by the Twitter feed. When you try to interact but the response is lukewarm, if there is one, and you aren’t really encouraged to do more.

So there are three major obstacles to self-pubbing that a lot of people who promote self-pubbing seem to ignore (or blithely think you’re just not trying hard enough):

Cost. If you are sole-income household with a mediocre job, you might not have the thousands of dollars to pay editors and cover artists what they rightly deserve. Often there are cheaper options, but it’s a dangerous thing. Congrats to you, Miss I Have an Incredibly Well Paying Day Job and Mr. My Wife Makes Enough for Both of Us.Time. If you have a day job, you have x hours of free time. If you have a life, you have y hours of free time. If you sleep, you have 0 hours of free time. Obviously exaggeration, but making a book takes a lot of time, and self-pubbing puts all that need on the author, which not all authors can handle.Energy. If you have a condition that makes doing things hard and somethings even harder, it can be especially overwhelming to face doing ALL of it on your own (whether you hire out or not). Not to mention the mess of financials come tax season. Write a book. Revise the book. (Market yourself!) Find an editor. Edit book. (Market yourself!) Find a cover artist. Go through drafts. (Market yourself!) Prepare a blog tour! Book releases. (Market yourself!) Oh, while you’re writing your next book (Market yourself!). Oh, and don’t forget to promo your backlist so people don’t forget about that.

These are the blocks to most individual ventures, of course, but idolizing self-pubbing as this miracle cure for the current shit-show of the publishing world ignores a lot of the advantages (should I say privileges?) those people have.

Not to mention you can do all of that work and invest all of that money and if you do one of them not quite good enough, the book might never sell and you’re out thousands.

And yet to potentially make back that money, you have to start up and do it all again.

Don’t get me wrong. I want to self-pub. The state of the queer publishing industry is terrifying. There doesn’t feel like there’s anything I can do from within the industry as a nobody.

And yet.

Coming soon: Holding Hands

Despite my flood of recent posts that have been very thinky and contemplative, I have been writing

Not Hot for Alpha

Okay, the title is probably giving you the wrong idea….but I wanted to talk about Alpha Males in romance novels and why I’ve generally never liked them. I never really thought about it too hard (or too concretely) but I’ve read some books recently that helped me pinpoint why I avoid books that scream “alpha men fucking!!!!!” (and I’m not talking ABO here, folk, though I’m sure there’s overlap).

I have read some good books with characters who’d be marked as “alpha males”, and obviously there is a lot of wiggle room in what’s considered an Alpha Male. So this is a breakdown of what I don’t like about the particular Alpha Males that get described below (and which has me avoid those Alpha Men Fucking books in general).

I’m Big, Broad, and Badass

The very idea of an “alpha” kind of rubs me the wrong way, as it feels like it’s leaning into a sexist ideal, especially since Alpha Males are usually large (take that as you will), muscular, and rough and tumble. Nothing wrong with those traits, but the Alpha Male trope tends to place them as an ideal that All Men Should Aim For. I don’t think I need to go into why that’s problematic. (And it has nothing to do with me liking twinks

Big News!

(My third take on this post, since the browser I was writing
this in CRASHED every time I tried to use italics!)

I’ve been scattered and vanished (par for the course),
because I want to post stuff, but I’m also an anxious mess about sharing any
personal details (did you notice?) so what is there to talk about aside from
opinion rants and news?

Well, I have news! I’ve been a bit stagnant creatively
lately, but I dug out a sweet, sweet
short little piece and was like “why not?” and started doing some revisions. It’s
not going to make your pants explode, but it will definitely make you go “Awww”
at the end.

So I submitted and got accepted at JMS Books! They are a
small queer press, and I’ve heard good things about them (as I stalk the
Twitter-scape). I’ll update with more news as it comes, but I’ve currently
submitted all the forms and paperwork and HUZZAH.

The story is Holding
Hands, and tells the tale of Hollis and Ryan: Hollis has given up on
finding love, and Ryan is just trying to adjust to living in a new city, while
dealing with pretty bad anxiety (self-insert you say? SURELY NOT, NO). This is
a friends-to-lovers story that will probably be marked down for leaving the
reader wanting too much more, but it’s about these two coming together, so

On Getting Better (and does it matter?)

I’ve been writing and brooding lately.

In so many romance novels, there is a human being who is flawed (hey, that happens). Generally over the course of the book that person’s flaws either come to light or are pushed into the spotlight and the flaw is addressed/corrected.

In fiction we are (for the most part) willing to forgive a person’s flaw that was in the past if we’ve seen steps to improve themselves/correct the problem. But in real life we aren’t nearly as forgiving. Now, if the flawed individual has personally done something to hurt you, I think that’s acceptable – you do not need to let those people into your lives. And I am in NO WAY trying to pass this off as “boys will be boys”. First off, usually in “boys will be boys” the individual has had NO ramifications for their actions. Nor have they done anything to make amends.

(The act itself has to be taken into consideration, but I’m working off the thinking of things that are bad but not horrid. Especially things born of ignorance or just social unawareness.)

But if the person(s)’s flaws/misdeeds/etc were pointed out, and they attempted to change and make amends, should we (as a group) forgive them? Or rather, not forgive them (as we cannot forgive what they did) but not hold it against them forever? Example: they did something bad in 1998, it was pointed out, they made changes to things related to that which was pointed out. So if in 2020 someone reveals/accuses them of something they did in 1998 that was similar, should that be held against them? Again, I’m not saying the act itself should be forgiven, but do you then throw it in their face as “You are a horrible person!!!!!”? They obviously saw they were not in a good place at that time and made an effort to change. Should those changes not be respected?

If every sin we’ve ever done is never to truly be forgiven, then I guess there’s no point in redeeming our characters either. *sigh*

 

 

 

On Believing the Victim

While talking with my friends the other day, we started discussing media personalities, accusations of improper behavior, and believing the victim. Or, more exactly, always believing the victim.

First off, this post isn’t about any particular case or example. And I’m not saying we shouldn’t believe the victim. But I’ve seen and heard a lot of aggression when people have the audacity to doubt an accusation—and that aggression is aimed at the doubter. “How dare you not believe this person who has been hurt?!” And while a lot of shady stuff has gone down in the world, and a lot of people have abused their power and positions, the mindset of absolutely believing another person worries me. Because, as seen in Rashomon and noted many times over, people experience things differently. I’m not saying this forgives or condones someone’s actions in all/most cases, but I think keeping this in mind should inform how we view the information we’re given.

Because what the mentality of always believe the victim forgets is that our world is not black-and-white. Life is messy and confusing and we’re human. People have different experiences, which leads them to react (physically and emotionally) to things differently. People will interpret events differently based on their prior experiences.

For instance, a black man who has been hassled by the police wrongly multiple times, will undoubtedly have less trust in police than a white man who has only ever been pulled over for speeding (and was possibly able to talk his way out of it). They are likely to experience the exact same interaction differently (ie, even if the cop says the same thing to each man, the baggage the man carries will affect how he hears/interprets those words). And both experiences are real and accurate for that person. Of course, this gets messier the more people who are involved. Because everyone brings something different to the table.

Interactions can become even more heated when issues of race, sex, and power come into play. But also sometimes just personality. Such as, I tend to be kind of blunt and straightforward. I try to temper this as much as possible, especially in the workplace, but I’m not always aware of being blunt. When I started my job, I was told the one person I would be working under could be “over sensitive”, so I made sure I spoke to this person and explained that I could sometimes be blunt, and if I ever seemed as if I was being rude, to please let me know as I did not mean to. This coworker and I never had any problems.

Another coworker who outranked me, who was, I had thought, something of a friend—we shared stories about our personal lives and joked together every morning—reported me to my boss for being “disrespectful.” I was shocked when I got called into my boss’s office and he told me what I’d been accused of. Now, he knew me, my way of speaking, and we rehashed the conversation that this person had been offended by. He’d heard her story, he listed to mine, and he could see where she was coming from. I didn’t get reprimanded, but I was told to be more mindful of how I spoke to her in the future.

I think the hardest part of that incident was that she had been considered a friend, and instead of approaching me and saying “that didn’t feel appropriate, I felt disrespected,” she went to my boss (and thus it went in my work record). I stopped being friends with her at that point, because I wasn’t sure what was appropriate or inappropriate interactions. I had to draw a sharp line in the sand. And maybe from her perspective we weren’t friends and she was just humoring me or sharing like people do. Maybe it was a matter of how we acted in her office versus in my cubicle. I don’t know, and I didn’t know she had drawn a line until the incident had occurred.

In that case, neither of us was necessarily “in the wrong,” but we were coming from different places. Maybe I had read into our relationship too much and thus had spoken more freely than I would have with someone else. Maybe I was tired because I’d just gotten back from a work conference, so I was a bit more snippy than usual (as I dug myself out from a pile of work that awaited me). Maybe she thought she’d drawn a line in the sand but it wasn’t clear to me. Maybe she could have approached me directly and I would have apologized for being rude (because I certainly hadn’t meant to be). Maybe she could have established clearer boundaries. So who was the victim here? I imagine we both were at different times (at least from our individual perspectives).

In a very different setting, I was giving feedback on a story in my writers’ group (through email) and had mentioned that something shouldn’t be described because the POV wasn’t looking at it, so it was odd to be given visual details. The person wrote back with a detailed reasoning of why she included that information and that it was very important to have that sort of POC representation in her stories. I nodded, thought she had a good point, and moved on.

Much later, I found out she’d told one of her friends in the group that I was ignorant and a little racist and wanted to “white wash” her story. Again, I was shocked. Part of me wanted to pout and complain about how she obviously had a chip on her shoulder and she was being ridiculous. But maybe her previous life experiences had given her reason for that chip. And maybe I could have phrased my feedback differently (again, see above story about me being blunt). Again, who is the victim? Whether intended or not, she experienced racism. Whether what I did would be considered racist by any other person, who knows. But she took it that way, and her feelings are valid.

I think the problem (if that’s the right word), comes along when interpretation of actions become equivalent to definites. Especially when the actions themselves are not described, but rather just the accusations. Or Rashomon-level descriptions of the events are given. (And I realize that this is nearly impossible to avoid to some degree.) Maybe when talking to her friend, she said “BL wanted me to remove mentions of my character’s identity.” And that’s certainly one way to describe what I’d suggested. But it hadn’t been my intention to erase her character’s identity, so much as my intention to question whether someone would describe something they couldn’t see. (IE, when lying in bed in the dark, I don’t think about how I’m lying on blue sheets the color of the morning sky.)

So does her interpretation of my actions as being racist make me a racist? If ten similar people were polled and only one found the comment racist, is the comment racist or not?

If I say “Fuck” in front of my mother, she is offended and disgusted. She finds that language rude. Does that make me rude? Because when I’m around other people, they curse just as much as (if not more than) me. I’m not rude to them. Obviously circumstance and situations change constantly and there are things that are only appropriate at certain times. But sometimes one person might not know about the rules/boundaries of another person or situation. If there is a boundary that is well-known, societal-level, or whatnot, then yes, people should respect that. If one person has made clear to another that something isn’t appropriate to/around them, then yes, people should respect that.

But because so many things in life are not so clear, I don’t think it’s safe to say the victim is always right. Because sometimes there isn’t right and wrong; there’s just two sides to a story. I’m not saying the victim is wrong or lying. It’s life. It’s complicated. We want to make it simple because it’s easier to shout a slogan or stamp a hashtag, but sometimes that bashes down people who aren’t quite guilty of what they’re accused (or bashes them down more than their actual actions warrant).

I just hope people will pause and think the next time they hear “so and so did X and is a Y because of it.” Try to take the time to try to separate your emotional reaction from the facts you’re given. Find out the facts, even hear both sides of the story, before you join the hordes chanting whatever they think is right. Because chances are, if it’s “clear-cut” or “black-and-white,” then it’s probably the exact opposite.

PS. I realize some of this post comes from a idealistic world where people don’t constantly abuse their power and do horrible things (and get away with it). I know we want to give victims a voice, especially when they’ve been silenced (especially if it was done actively), and I want to make sure they have a voice. But I’ve seen too many instances where people just jump on the bandwagon of SO-AND-SO IS A TERRIBLE HUMAN BEING without even questioning the facts, that it makes me especially wary. By all means, make a judgment, but please wait until the prosecution and the defense have both made their case.

Re-release: GROWING STRONG

[image error]Now that the rights have returned to me and I’ve had a bit of free time on my hands (haha), I took some time to re-release Growing Strong. There are no textual changes, just a second edition with a new cover and it’s available in ebook AND print.

Blurb:

A chance—and embarrassing—encounter bring Hunter and Chase together, but it’s patience and kindness that keep them there. Through a slow-blossoming friendship and a series of misunderstandings, Hunter finds himself fighting an attraction he thinks isn’t returned. But with the help of his roommate, Tony, he may just be able to take the leap and confess his feelings.

But love isn’t Hunter’s only concern. With his sister’s upcoming nuptials, he also must learn to face a family that hasn’t quite disowned him for his sexuality. With Chase by his side, it’s going to take strength for Hunter to stand up for himself and to hold on to what really matters.

Into Uncharted Waters…

Not necessarily for everyone, but definitely for me. And by this, I mean the world of self-publishing!

At the beginning of January I finally received nullification of my contract with my previous publisher, which landed my two stories in my lap much earlier than expected. I have mixed feelings, since I would have preferred the books stay with a publisher, but I also would have preferred to get royalties from that publisher. Either my books did terrible or accounting was…lacking. Either way I imagine they didn’t make a ton, so I’m not heartbroken.

And now I have the opportunity to step into self-publishing. While I may go the more traditional route with new books, these titles have the advantage of having been edited, so all I need to do is make a cover and load them. I’ll be doing KDP select, which means I only have to deal with one vendor, and I’ve heard authors have relatively good experiences there. I doubt I’ll do as well as some of them, but it doesn’t really hurt me to have them there either. (Plus I can buy a few hardback versions of the novel that should have been in hardback (per length) but was never.)

I’ve already put together one cover, and the second is mostly done (just need to sit and see if it still looks good tomorrow. One file is loaded, and I’ll make an announcement then. No blog tours or anything for these, I don’t think, since they’re (rather recent) reprints. And then I’ll see the results of just joining the program, with minimal advertising.

In between writing and publishing

I’ve been in an in between place recently, and I’m trying to make decisions, which I hate to do. My publishing experience hasn’t been bad, but it hadn’t really given me the feedback/reaction/interaction I was looking for. And part of that’s on me, since I’m not particularly active. Part of it’s on my publisher, who it seems sent out an email saying they’re closing (…I didn’t actually GET an email, I just saw it on Twitter, which is another bag of worms).

I like writing. My goal with writing was to write, get my stuff out there, maybe find some people who like to read my stuff, and write for them as well as myself. But my first two pieces didn’t get much attention (and I don’t know if it’s just because it’s my writing or lack of publisher push).

Part of me thinks I should just fade away and write just for myself. Part of me considers finding an editor, a cover artist, and publishing through Kindle Unlimited–which would get my work out there with limited overhead. Maybe that’s what I should do with the rights that are going to revert back to me

But a big part of me wonders if I should bother. The devil that says my stuff isn’t any good and no one buys it and no one cares. Right now that devil is really loud. So I guess we’ll see what the next year brings.

Revisions and Feedback

Not dead, just busy.

I’ve been really occupied with a short holiday story that I saw a prompt for. Originally I saw it and said, “Hey, being part of an anthology might be good exposure (and a little money), plus it’ll keep me thinking.”

I came up with a story, wrote it up, and felt DAMN good about it. I submitted it to my writers’ group and prepared myself for feedback. But I wasn’t quite as prepared as I had thought I was. Especially since the opening feedback was, “I like your writing but…”

They had some serious issues with my plot and story, and many of them I agreed with. Some of them I feel are a product of the genre. Most of them I know are my weaknesses in writing, so I was happy to work on them. Back to the drafting table. Huge revisions. Round two.

Round two actually went a lot easier. The tweaks were more like tweaks/additions rather than “you have a hugely problematic story element.” I’ve now gone through and made the suggested edits. Now I’m faced with two options: resubmit it to them to review (the poor bastards), or find a beta reader (or two).

The problem here is that I’m having trouble finding beta readers. I’m not very active on social media, and I don’t have a huge following, so right now my writers’ group is my main source of feedback. Part of me knows I need to change that, but most of me knows I’m pretty terrible at it. I’m trying.

So, if you’re interested in reading a 6K Christmas short and giving feedback, let me know!