Jessica Tom's Blog, page 9

Poetry // The Invitation by Oriah

This is a bit too intense for a wedding ceremony reading, but man, I love it. 

The Invitation

by Oriah

It doesn’t interest me
what you do for a living.
I want to know
what you ache for
and if you dare to dream
of meeting your heart’s longing.

It doesn’t interest me
how old you are.
I want to know
if you will risk
looking like a fool
for love
for your dream
for the adventure of being alive.
It doesn’t interest me
what planets are
squaring your moon…
I want to know
if you have touched
the centre of your own sorrow
if you have been opened
by life’s betrayals
or have become shrivelled and closed
from fear of further pain.
I want to know
if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.
I want to know
if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you
to the tips of your fingers and toes
without cautioning us
to be careful
to be realistic
to remember the limitations
of being human.
It doesn’t interest me
if the story you are telling me
is true.
I want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear
the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.
I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty
every day.
And if you can source your own life
from its presence.
I want to know
if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand at the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,
“Yes.”
It doesn’t interest me
to know where you live
or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up
after the night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.
It doesn’t interest me
who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the centre of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.
It doesn’t interest me
where or what or with whom
you have studied.
I want to know
what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.
I want to know
if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like
the company you keep
in the empty moments.

Wedding Dress Search: The gowns that were almost The One

Ok... you've seen the "weird" ones...the ones that were gorgeous but offbase for various reasons. Today I'm showing the contenders, the dresses I seriously considered. Here goes. 

(btw, the Reem Acra above is pretty... but was never really in the running. I'm not a fan of dropped waists...even if they're dropped only by an inch.) 

THE CUTE EDITORIAL ONE

This was cute but also subversive, unblingy but also luxuriously, meticulously made. Maybe you could call it adorkable (my Kleinfeld stylist would tell you no, please don't call it adorkable). This dress felt the most "me" as I am everyday, as opposed to my nebulous Bride Persona. Amsale Lake Gown. Similar here (I want this one as a rehearsal dinner dress).

The OVERGROWN V-NECK

Pretty! And with such a nice, soft, flowy skirt. Though, what a difference skin color makes. Ivy & Aster Secret Garden. 

THE APPLIQUE A-LINE

I grabbed this one even though it was exactly what I didn't want: the princessy puff. But I couldn't resist the floral applique detailing and beadwork on the bottom (a kind of starry beaded connect-the-dots that you can't see here). From the short time I was in it, I could tell it was also a comfy dress, one you could dance, eat, and hug in. BHLDN Ariane Gown. Similar here (actually, very very similar, such that the Ariane is likely a direct rip-off and ultimately why I didn't want to go with a company that's known for doing this to indie designers). 

THE DAISY CHAIN BUSTIER

This dress amused me, with its sweet daisy straps and neckline... and then a bustier bodice and SEE-THROUGH side panels (yes, I am wearing black underwear in this pic). This had a Rihanna-esque pretty but DGAF attitude. The fit is a bit off here...the cups weren't really cupping the right areas... but you get the idea. Tara Keeley 2501 Gown.  Similar for everyday here.  

THE WEEPING WILLOW

You've seen the Glamour Closet dressing room a lot. That's because my like-to-try-on ratio was very high here. They carry A-list designers (Vera Wang, Elie Saab, Naeem Khan, Reem Acra, Carolina Herrera, Mira Zwillinger, Lela Rose)... but because the dresses are all samples or discontinued styles, they're 50-75% off. Maybe that's why I liked so many of them, too. 

Anyway, that means that the selection can be a little oddball and the good, au courant stuff (plunging V, illusion necklines) goes fast. This Oscar de la Renta had the sweetheart/strapless/ballgown look that I was avoiding, but the leafy applique bottom made up for it. This was the first dress where I did that happy skirt swish you see before a bride gives the word on Say Yes to the Dress. Oscar de la Renta 44E16.

The Simple Slink

Ah, and you thought I was all botanical appliques! This looks body-con in a potentially worrisome way, but in fact this whole genre of dress is pretty flattering. There's no boxy top, just a heavy skirt that pulls on a clingy bodice that's little more than illusion netting, flesh-colored cups, and lace. Instantly form-fitting, with enough weight to smooth out your curves. Martina Liana 775 Gown.

Which brings me to...

The BETTER-FROM-THE-BACK dress 

This Maison Signore shares the same basic mechanics as the Simple Slink dress, except there's more lace, more sheer panels, and more butt-hugging. Those Italians sure know how to treat and appreciate a woman's body (to the tune of 1.1K likes when this pic was reposted on Maison Signore's Facebook page. Yikes!). I couldn't find the exact dress online, but this Maison Signore is close. 

Reminder... I already have my dress. Have you guessed what it looks like now? (Here are all the posts in the series if you need to catch up.) A slightly kooky comfy sheath with botanical appliques and minimal bling? Sorry, but that's not how it worked out. 

What was your favorite dress? 

Wedding Dress Search: The ones I'd love to own, but aren't right for the occasion

Last week I showed you the "weird" ones, the dresses that had a unique POV. Those were dresses that I'd wear to a fashiony event. 

These dresses are more versatile... beautiful, glamorous gowns that are pretty much without fault. It's not them, it's me...and our venue...and that gut reaction of "this is pretty and I want it, but not for the wedding." 

The photo above is the Kelly Faetini Bree dress. I went into this whole dress saga knowing that I didn't want a strapless gown with a sweetheart neckline. So we added lace arm bunting (not the correct bridal term) and it transformed the dress from pretty but mildly forgettable into something with a more sultry silhouette. The thing about side bunting is that your arms are literally on lace leashes. You can make the bunting detachable, but then you're at sweetheart/strapless square one. 

THE CHUNKY LACE COLUMN 

Funny thing about wedding psychosis. You go in thinking you want a certain kind of unfussy, unblingy dress. A normal dress that happens to be white. This BHLDN Catherine Deane gown fits that description. It's easy, elegant, botanical. But somewhere along the line, I convinced myself that the dress needed to be more Bridal (I'll take my kool-aid on ice, thank you). And so this one was a miss. BHLDN Jolie Gown. (Also, curiously, available in navy for $500 more... you'd think it'd be the other way around, but maybe they are constructed differently.) 

THE LEAFY COLLAR 

A long-sleeved wedding dress? So chic. And one with pretty but not precious appliques? I'm sold...almost. I'm a mover and a stretcher, and if I'm going to wear a dress for 9+ hours, it should be pretty comfortable. Despite reassurance that I would not "hulk out" of this dress, I had to take it out of the running. Rue de Seine Roxy Gown. Similar here and here.

The GATSBY MERMAID

I would get this dress in a heartbeat if we were getting married in a ballroom or loft space or restaurant. Anywhere but a garden. The cut and weight of the beading is ridiculously flattering. In the picture above, I'm not trying to mimic the model (I hadn't seen the photo yet). I'm just wondering where my tummy went. Victor Harper Couture 289. Similar here.

THE VERY SEXY WORK DRESS 

I told my bridal salon stylist that this looked like a very sexy work dress and she asked me..."where do you work???" (From home, so what do I know.) Maybe it's the cap sleeve and hardy lace. Or maybe it's my questionable work attire (when I used to work in an office). This had a nice ease to it and the back was also killer, but it didn't have the air of specialness I wanted. Alyne Adella Gown. Similar here and here. 

Btw, you already know this... but you can pin a million pics on Pinterest, but you have to put the dress on! These don't even look like the same dress to me. 

THE RIBBON LATTICE WATERFALL 

If you can divorce yourself from the mania, you might be able to see: these dresses are works of art. Tony Ward is a Beirut-based couturier who uses the most unusual fabrics. I tried on a dress with a modern/romantic Chantilly lace-meets-Pollack. Another with a skirt pinched with floral ridges, like engraved silk. This was a lattice of ribbon that criss-crossed over the bodice, then flowed into a round, full skirt. Up close, this is a stunner. Tony Ward Astagale Gown. Similar here. 

Oh, and guess what?? I got my dress this past weekend! I went with my mom to Schone Bride, a mere 12-minute walk from our apartment and conveniently close to Four and Twenty Blackbirds and Fletcher's. Do wedding dresses go with pie and barbecue? Not really, but between those two places and its Brooklyn DNA, this salon and The Dress feel right. 

I'm still planning on posting other pics... dresses that were almost The One, and possibly "dresses that looked good on models but look terrible on me" ... but come to think of it, not sure why I would do that last one. 

We have a wedding caterer!

Birchtree Catering via lovemedophotography

I care about food. People know I care about food. People I care about...care about food. So wedding catering is a huge decision and was a bit stressful (though tastings were a ton of fun). 

I'm happy to report that we officially booked our caterer, Birchtree Catering!! Here's what won us over at our tasting. 

Striped vegetable canapes - chive bread, salted cucumber, French breakfast radish, creme fraiche, dill 

Like high tea in a garden. Which is exactly the vibe we're going for in our venue.  

Hen of the woods tarts - Kennett Square mushrooms, house ricotta, pecorino, caramelized onion, herbs 

The only thing worse than perfunctory carbs is perfunctory pastry. You know, that greasy cup that's clearly just a vehicle for whatever's inside. Find me at a cocktail party and I am the shameless person with the plateful of licked-clean pastry. Well this was not that. The pastry was fresh, an essential player rather than a boring stage. 

Chicken shumai with lemongrass and malagueta chili oil

I like the idea of including some Chinese flavors in the menu, if only because they are cozy and familiar to me. But my mother, who doesn't mince words, says if my family wanted Chinese food, they'd go to a Chinese restaurant. 

Lemon capon with roasted lemon, almonds and oven roasted olives, with ricotta gnudi and winter greens 

Capons are the eunuchs of the poultry world. The lack of sex organs result in a less gamey taste (but who ever said chicken was gamey?) and meat that is more moist, tender and flavorful than hens or un-castrated chickens. Probably TMI. 

Anyway, true to its breeding, this was super tender and flavorful. The lemon and olives brought acidity and bite. The gnudi was a surprise too. When I think of gnudi, I think of April Bloomfield's ricotta clouds. As my dad said, these were like mini knishes (high praise for him). 

Smoky hanger steak with demi-glace, roasted sunchokes, frizzled maitake mushrooms, charred baby rainbow carrots 

I know this plate looks kinda empty. But keep in mind, this is a tasting portion and we are really really stuffed by now. This was a solid meat dish, but we'll likely go with a red meat selection with more pow (like the skirt steak with chimichurri) or perhaps the bourbon braised short ribs. 

Food is the most important deciding factor, but we also knew Birchtree was the one for us because of their care, competence and culture fit. Even their office in Global Dye Works reminded us of 195 Morgan, where I worked from 2010-2012 as the Marketing & Events Director of 3rd Ward, and where Dave works now, in a weird coincidence (different company though). 

Now we have to figure out our service style (family style? plated? a hybrid) and finalize the menu. I have an image of no centerpieces...just giant platters of vibrant, delicious food. Flowers are great, but they're no food. 

Introducing...Author Website Services

I'm not gonna name names, but some author websites are so bad. So, so bad. 

Patterns and colors that hurt your eyes. Layouts that feature all the wrong things. Weird effects that are just glitchy and annoying. 

And the thing is: many of these are custom, expensive sites that can't easily be altered by the author. So when you're paying a designer by the hour, you're stuck with a website that's either a money-suck or an embarrassment. 

I didn't want that for myself. So I built my site -- this site -- all on my own, using what I've learned as a marketer, creative director, and community director. I thought about what I would want as a modern, design-conscious author. Color, clarity, personality. 

Once I had my site built, I worked on numbers-based marketing (analytics, ad buys, email capture), as well as content marketing ("sticky" recipe and publishing posts, content partnerships, product collaborations, community cultivation). 

Turns out, I like this side of the author life and other people in the publishing industry told me that my approach was on the money. They wanted to know if I could do the same for them or their clients. 

Well... now I can. Starting today I'm offering Author Website Services. My core services are website design, branding, and debut author launch strategy, but I can do any of the stuff I listed above. You can learn more and reach out to me here. 

And seriously. Say no to bad author sites! 

Wedding Dress Search: The Awesomely Weird Ones

I've lost count of how many dresses I've tried on. I've been to twelve bridal salons (one of them twice). Tried on an average of eight dresses at each. Really ... over 100 dresses?? 

If you said that to me two months ago, I would have thought that was insane. Are dresses really that different? Yes, they are. Very much so. And if you let yourself believe that this dress is the MIDOYL (Most Important Dress of Your Life), then the pressure is very on. (I've chosen to believe this, though I recognize you can be way more chill and will not live a lifetime of debilitating dress regret.) 

D and I decided that he wouldn't see my dress until the day of the wedding, so don't expect to see The One here or on Instagram. But, man, I have SO MANY others to show you! 

Today's post will be...the weird ones! If you know me IRL you know that I like to experiment with fashion and have been known to wear very directional things: turbans, a leather breastplate, puffy armored boleros...you get it. 

I'm naturally drawn to quirkier styles and in bridal, these designs can be so refreshing amongst a sea of sweetheart/strapless cupcakes (no offense to those, they are lovely, but not for me). 

Here are some delightfully weird dresses that I would love to wear if I were, say, doing an editorial shoot. They're just a little too funky for our wedding and my somewhat traditional fiance and family. 

The Fin-de-Siecle Dress

I dug the debauched, deconstructed glamour of this. A little Moulin Rouge, a little garbage pail after you've had a cold. Monique Lhuillier Bouquet Gown at Glamour Closet. Similar here.

The Sexy Jane Austen

A sheer-paneled silk taffeta powder blue gown...with pockets! This had the right mix of sexy/sweet/avant-garde...but for the wedding itself, I think I'd have to line the sheer elements, which kinda takes away what makes it so great. Schone Bride. Similar here, here, and here. 

The everything's-coming-up-roses

Would you believe this dress is practically weightless? Those silk rosettes were so touchable and the cowl neck is such an unexpected bridal neckline. Lakum Suzanne Gown at Schone Bride Trunk Show. Similar here and here.

The Textural Marvel 

This Carolina Herrera had amazing 3d flowers made of petal-like sequins at the waist and shoulders. Everytime you looked at it, there was something new. The super-soft overlay and lace met chunky, crafty detailing. Art teachery vibes, almost Marni-esque. Carolina Herrera Cassidy Gown at Glamour Closet. Similar in black here. (wow those model arms, yeesh)

The Boho Muppet

There are plenty of times when I'd want to look goofy and muppet-like. But probably not my wedding. Temperley Leigh Gown at Glamour Closet. Similar here and here.

I still don't have a dress and the timeline is as tight as can be. Made-to-order gowns can take 6-12 months to make, then alterations take another 1-2 months. (Yes, this is crazy!) We are 7 months out. Defcon 1 ("nuclear war is imminent") as my visibly distressed Kleinfeld consultant told me. 

Truth is...I think I know what dress I want. I'm just letting it marinate a little to make sure I love it tomorrow and the next day and hopefully forever. 

I won't show you that dress until after the wedding...but I already have more wedding dress search posts planned: Gorgeous Dresses I Want But Not For a Wedding, Dresses I Thought I'd Love But Look Terrible On Me, and Dresses That Were Almost The One. 

What do you think of these dresses? Would you go "weird" at your wedding?

Los Angeles Eats: Sqirl in Silverlake

New Yorkers visiting LA, here's a tip. On your first couple days, don't worry about adjusting to the new time zone. Get to Sqirl early -- it opens at 6:30am for drinks and pastries during the week, and the kitchen heats up at 8am. No line, just morning light and the best breakfast in your recent memory. (Or in my case, maybe ever??) 

I like breakfast/brunch as a social event, but as a meal, it's not my thing. Pancakes and waffles knock me out for the rest of the day. I love eggs, but they get boring easily. Benedict, omelette, with a side of bacon (even if it is maple-glazed, submerged in a Bloody Mary, thick cut from a heritage pig...) Meh. I'd rather have an interesting dinner plate. 

But Sqirl! I will fully admit that I'm a sucker for avocado toasts and chicory lattes, handmade almond milks and jams. But even D who is wary of anything hyped and twee loved it. We went twice over four days. 

Here's what Mark Bittman said of Jessica Koslow's cooking in the NY Times: 

Instead, it’s a kind of gentler version of dinner food, with little or no meat, but often with eggs and seasonings from the southern and eastern Mediterranean and much of Asia, and yet somehow, in the end, quite American. Nothing is bland or insipid, and much of the food is laced with a sharpness that comes from lemon juice and hot sauce and garlic and pickled things. For breakfast food, it’s downright revolutionary. 

Yep. We're used to breakfast "notes": cheese, potatoes, hollandaise, bacon, buttery carbs, maple syrup. But what Koslow brings is something else entirely. 

Take the "Green Eggs and Jam", caramelized onions, creamed spinach, wild arugula, and a toad in the hole in Clark Street Bakery bread. It's addictively savory, without crutches of cheese or pork. The bread is key, soft and pillowy, just a whisper of sour. Each bite hits on every register from sharp and peppery to sweet and slow-cooked. 

And then there's the sorrel bowl, with Kokuko Rose brown rice, sorrel pesto, preserved Meyer lemon, lacto-fermented hot sauce, pickled radish, sheep's milk feta and poached egg. I won't go into the hot sauce, pickles and feta, which are riotous players that add heat, brine and funk. But preserved lemon! What? The flavor -- sour, bitter, salty -- makes this breakfast one for the books. The sorrel adds an apologetic weedy note (not marijuana...the other type of weed, jeez). 

The avocado toast (top) presently features JJ's avocados, hot pickled carrots, green garlic creme fraiche, wood sorrel, and house za'atar. This is served all day (as opposed to the breakfast items, which are only available 'til the leisurely hour of 4pm).  I'd venture to say this is the oddest avocado toast I've ever had, and that's a good thing...like I've been listening to flutes and clarinets -- sweet, mellow, easy -- and finally someone plays the oboe -- sharp, strange, memorable.  

Here's the "Famous Damus", soft scrambled egg, Surryano ham, chives, ciabatta. We liked this one, though it's definitely more familiar in flavor than our other dishes. 

Sqirl also serves lovely drinks and pastries. The almond milk is made in-house (so no worrying about weird emulsifiers). 

This has become our dream wedding cake flavor combo: chocolate with blood orange. The best part? The crackled cacao nib crust. 

Sqirl historians will know that it actually started as a jam business. If we went a third time, I'd surely get the burnt brioche with almond hazelnut butter and jam. Instead, I have two jars at home: the rather romantic-sounding Moro Blood Orange and Tonga Vanilla Marmalade and Rhubarb and Meiwa Kumquat Jam. I can't wait to try them in yogurt, on ice cream, or let's be real, by the spoonful. 

Word to the wise -- jams are considered liquid and cannot be taken in carry-on luggage! I learned this the hard way. The TSA woman at the Long Beach airport saw me go from okay to grief-stricken in record time. Don't do that. 

Book Club Bites Readers Edition: Lavender Peach Macarons from Lena's Lunchbox

via Lena's Lunchbox

"We had ordered the shaved ice and candied tropical fruits, the curry ice cream with mini brioche puffs, and the lemon basil profiteroles with blueberry-oatmeal brittle. But a small army of servers brought out even more: chocolate fondant sandwiched in coconut crisps, cinnamon apple churros with maple syrup tapioca, chocolates, macarons, marshmallows. Felix delivered the petit fours himself, and whispered to me, “I’m sorry for the delay with the truffles. Try the lavender-peach macarons. They’re my favorite.” Then he smoothed his bangs back and gave me an extra-long look that made my hair stand on end." - Food Whore, Chapter 14

This scene at Tellicherry was one of my favorite to write. This is Tia's first on-the-job dinner with Michael Saltz and there's something fishy about the service. So many desserts, each more delicious than the last. 

This actually happened to me when I ate lunch with Tim Zagat as an intern at Zagat Survey. We ate at Jean-Georges and the desserts kept coming, a seemingly endless parade. 

I'm so glad this scene resonated with others, including Lena of Lena's Lunchbox who made an IRL version of my fictional creation.

Aren't they gorgeous??? See below for the full recipe and check out Lena's incredibly creative and playful recipes (I'm partial to the Big Mac(aron) and the Brown Sugar Honey Cake with Carrot Ganache and Crushed Honeycomb). And -- get this -- she's only 16. Next Christina Tosi anyone?

photos and words from Lena's Lunchbox

baking with lavender always makes me feel a little weird. it has a lovely taste, but using even a quarter teaspoon too much can quickly make a flavor go from ‘delicately floral’ to ‘hotel soap.’ in this recipe, finely ground lavender buds add character to the simple, meringue-based macaron cookie, and any soapiness is offset by a filling of assertive cream cheese frosting and bright peach jam.

these cookies were inspired by jessica tom’s food whore! in the book, the main character works as a secret assistant to the new york times’ food critic. their cover is blown while dining at a super nice restaurant called tellicherry, and the waiter brings them plates upon plates of desserts to try to leave a good impression: curry ice cream with mini brioche puffs, cinnamon apple churros with maple syrup tapioca, chocolate fondant sandwiched in coconut crisps, and lavender peach macarons!  it was one of the more mouthwatering chapters.

read food whore and make these (4 star) macarons!

macarons (adapted from entertaining with beth)

3 egg whites, room temperature50 g (1/2 cup) granulated sugar1/4 tsp cream of tartar1/8 tsp saltpurple (or red and blue) gel food coloring120 g (1 cup) almond flour200 g (2 cups) powdered sugar2 tsp dried lavender buds

filling

4 oz cream cheese1/4 cup (1/2 stick) butter, softened2 cups powdered sugar1/4 tsp kosher salt1/2 tsp vanilla extract2 tbsp heavy cream or milkpeach jam

line two baking sheets with parchment paper. beat the egg whites in a stand mixer fitted with the whisk attachment until frothy, about a minute. add the sugar, cream of tartar, and salt, and turn the mixer to high speed. whip for 8-10 minutes, or until very stiff peaks have formed (think seattle space needle). add the food coloring, making the color a little darker than desired (it will fade as the macarons bake).

combine the almond flour, powdered sugar, and dried lavender in a food processor. pulse until the lavender turns to powder, then sift the mixture through a fine mesh sieve into a medium bowl. discard the larger almond pieces that remain in the sieve.

gradually fold the flour mixture into the egg whites with a spatula. be careful!! undermix and the macarons will be lumpy and cracked, overmix and they’ll be flat and won’t have feet. about 60-75 turns of the spatula when folding is the right amount of time. the batter should be thick but runny.

transfer the batter to a pastry bag fitted with a medium round tip. the easiest way to fill the bag with batter is to 1) twist the end of the pastry bag nearest to the tip (this prevents batter from leaking out before you’re ready), 2) place the bag in a large drinking glass and fold it around the rim, then 3) pour the batter in. pipe one-inch rounds onto the parchment-lined baking sheets, then rap the sheets on the counter to pop any air bubbles. let the macarons sit, untouched, for 30-45 minutes. this allows them to develop a skin; when they dry out, they’re forced to rise up and not spread out, giving them the trademark macaron “feet.” they should be tacky to the touch, but not stick to your fingers. during the last 10 minutes of letting them sit, preheat the oven to 300º.

bake for 20 minutes. don’t open the oven door while they’re baking. remove and let cool on pans for 20 minutes, then remove to a rack.

for the filling, beat together the cream cheese and butter in a stand mixer fitted with the paddle attachment. after a few minutes, add the powdered sugar, then the vanilla and salt. beat for 5 more minutes. add the cream and beat for one more minute. transfer the frosting to a pastry bag fitted with a small round tip.

to assemble, pipe a circle of frosting around the edge of half of the macarons. fill the hole with peach jam, then sandwich another macaron on top. makes 30 sandwich cookies. 

Thank you so much Lena!

See more Food Whore-inspired recipes here. Do you have a Food Whore-inspired dish you want to share? Email me at jessica@jessicatom.com and I'll feature you here.

Parsing the Per Se Review

There is one fewer 4-star restaurant in New York. The NYT review of Per Se: https://t.co/D8Lf9A8D3B pic.twitter.com/q1EuoGVMOR

— The New York Times (@nytimes) January 13, 2016

Last Tuesday, my Twitter feed read like this: tributes to David Bowie, the State of the Union, and the one that beat everything—Pete Wells slaughtered Per Se in the New York Times, downgrading Thomas Keller's Central Park temple from a vaunted four stars to a humiliating two.

If I didn’t already write a book about this exact scenario, I’d be inspired anew. In an age where we discover restaurants on Yelp, Instagram and blogs rather than crusty old media, why such a frenzy? Even people who have no desire to dine at Per Se are weighing in. How come?

We might not look to the New York Times as the final word on a restaurant’s worth, but restaurant reviews matter for other reasons: 

#Laksa #Kuching Breakfast of the Gods

A photo posted by anthonybourdain (@anthonybourdain) on May 28, 2015 at 6:57pm PDT

·       Chefs may be rock stars, but critics are the real idols. When people eat for sport, their idols aren’t really chefs. Of the hundreds of thousands of people who have posted about the #cronut, how many have followed Dominique Ansel's recipe and spent the three days to make it? My guess: next to none.

 But critics! Those professional eaters: Anthony Bourdain, Andrew Zimmern, Gail Simmons, Jonathan Gold, Ruth Reichl, Kate Krader. They travel the world, savoring the world's most extraordinary cuisine. Let's be real, though critics insist eating for a living is a tough gig, it sure beats the antiseptic office jobs most of us have. We’re fascinated by critics—their power, their disguises, their company credit card—and, if we’re being honest, we probably want to be them.

·       Restaurant happenings are deliciously dynamic and gossipy. In certain cities, among certain circles, restaurant blogs are like sports pages and reservations are courtside seats. We track where chefs are headed, what places are shuttering, the debut of a chicken sandwich/veggie burger/bone broth menu. And when a four-star restaurant is stripped of half its stars, that’s the stuff of scandal.

Mr @pete_wells before you try to destroy a restaurant like Per Se + others, you show know the odds of owning one @DanielBoulud @ChefBianco

— François Payard (@francoispayard) January 14, 2016

·       Critics are not normal journalists, so it’s easy (and fun) to theorize on their motivations. People treat reviews like literature or Supreme Court rulings, reading between the lines. Does he have an ax to grind? Is she cozy with the chef? Why such spiteful language? Whether he likes it or not, a critic reveals more than the meal in his writing.   

A naïf might assume reviewers are objective and fair, that they come to the table with no biases. But what is a review except for a written declaration of bias? There are clear fails (a hair in your soup, a delayed dish), but the rest is pretty subjective. Where's the line between too salty and well-seasoned? Aloof and respectful of your space? “Limp and dispirited" and elegantly draped? The decision comes down to perspective, a plate through the lens of personal experience. After all, one man's bong water is another man's ambrosia.

·       There may be more voices, but that doesn’t mean there’s more criticism. Instagrams tend to be fanatical and food porny (like flies, it’s easier to attract “Likes“ with oozing honey rather than vinegar). Yelp has a star system, but there's no standardization. Per Se has 4.5 stars, but so does Cheesecake Factory.  For a measured, informed, and trustworthy review, you'll have to look elsewhere.

A critic is like a personal trainer. We might not love them and often they spoil the fun. But sometimes we crave that rigor. Critics—good ones—are immensely knowledgeable and aren't afraid to call out bad form.

·       Restaurants are about status. We read reviews to see how the other side lives, to imagine an existence in which we can afford to spend $3,000 on a dinner for four. Maybe you enjoy the absurdity, a la Real Housewives. Or you're incensed by the social injustice. Or perhaps you pin this experience to your “Someday” dream board.

NYT Per Se review reveals a world so different frm my own I feel Ive glimpsed another planet https://t.co/mQczLXnbkM pic.twitter.com/TsSmXaSMQP

— travis lupick (@tlupick) January 13, 2016

Many of the Times' most iconic reviews touch on wealth and entitlement. Ruth Reichl's dinner as herself and her Midwestern alter ego “Molly“ at Le Cirque. Sam Sifton's takedown of Lavo, where bankers dine as a prelude to clubbing. Pete Wells and his surprising admiration of the anti-Per Se, Señor Frog's.

New York City runs on money and access disguised as art, style, and culture. Prime Hamilton tickets, the latest Mansur Gavriel bag, an 8pm at Polo Bar. It's exhilarating or exhausting, depending on who you ask.

In his book, How to Lose Friends and Alienate People, Toby Young recounts a conversation with his boss, Vanity Fair editor and man-about-town Graydon Carter. It's called the “Seven Rooms Theory" and postulates that in cities across the globe there are seven connected rooms, each more exclusive than the last.

"You think you've arrived, doncha?" he said. "I hate to break it to you but you're only in the first room." He paused. "It's not nothing — don't get me wrong — but it's not that great either. Believe me, there are plenty of people in this town who got to the first room and then didn't get any further. After a year or so, maybe longer, you'll discover a secret doorway at the back of the first room that leads to the second room. In time, if you're lucky, you'll discover a doorway in the back of the second room that leads to the third. There are seven rooms in total and you're in the first. Doncha forget it."

 When we hear that a lofty restaurant like Per Se is “among the worst food deals in New York“, we can breathe a sigh of relief. Perhaps the things/meals/jobs/lives we strive for aren't worth the anguish and feelings of inadequacy. For the moment, we can be satisfied with our current room. At least for now.    

The 2015 #FoodWhore Awards

Confession: when I first thought of possible cover designs, I was inspired by Instagram. You know, all those flat lays of beautiful fruit, on a pristine white background. I pictured something super tactile, a little messy, vibrant, exotic but relatable. 

Did I think people would take that cover and create their own Instagrams, often with food? Maybe? I didn't really think about it, in the way a restaurant might create a dish that screams Instagram fodder. 

But, now, looking at readers' #FoodWhore Instagrams is one of the best surprises and rewards of publishing a book. There are so many great ones, but here are some that made me heart-eye emoji like mad. 

Best Food Pornographers

Oozey, gooey, sticky bites that hit on all our pleasure points. Food whore indeed! 

A photo posted by #feedyoursoull (@feedyoursoull) on Oct 27, 2015 at 9:37am PDT

A photo posted by Food Porn Share (@foodprnshare) on Nov 19, 2015 at 9:27am PST

A photo posted by @foooodieee (@foooodieee) on Dec 21, 2015 at 10:52am PST

Best Beach-Envy Shots

Author life: sitting in leggings in Brooklyn. Reader life: lounging on a tropical beach. Hm.

A photo posted by Tracy Memoli (@tracymemoli) on Nov 22, 2015 at 9:29am PST

A photo posted by Unbuttoningpants.com (@unbuttoningpants) on Dec 8, 2015 at 1:14pm PST

A photo posted by The Brunch Brat (@brunchbrat) on Dec 27, 2015 at 7:19am PST

Best Flat Lays

'Grammers who make true art. 

A photo posted by Folded Pages Distillery (@foldedpagesdistillery) on Oct 16, 2015 at 6:02am PDT

A photo posted by Ursula (@ursula_uriarte) on Dec 21, 2015 at 5:55am PST

A photo posted by Liz Clayman (@lizclayman) on Dec 15, 2015 at 10:52am PST

Best Way to Start the Day 

Forget checking your email. Start your day with a book. 

A photo posted by Books are for sharing