Arlene Manocot's Blog

I want to diesappear

I don't see hope anymore. I am still alive, but barely breathing, just like the lyrics of that popular song, which I couldn't even remember the title of. I have a failed career and a long-distance relationship.
Life hasn't been working out for me the past few months, and being in a long-distance relationship can drive me crazy sometimes. There were times he called me obsessed because of how affectionate I am towards him. Is it wrong to show love to my boyfriend: in words, in action, or in any way I can?
I just miss him so much. I want to be with him. I want us to be together. 
I miss my man, and I am acting crazy sometimes or all the time.
Saying I love you and miss you is a sentence that I look forward to in his messages, but sometimes I still wonder if he really loves me. 
Why didn't he marry me?
Why did he let me go back to the Philippines?
Why did he let me go?
I have my answers in my mind, and those answers hurt me. They are painful.
Just today, I was expecting him to call me back because I held back from calling him consecutively early in the evening. He said he wants to relax on a Friday night. I let him. Was it too difficult to call me back and say good night just to check in or pray together? Was it too hard?
I tried to call him, but he didn't answer. I am having anxiety whenever he doesn't answer my calls, especially on a Friday night. Was he with someone? That's why he's not answering the call. I communicated this to him and am still waiting for a response, if ever he will still contact me. He's thinking I have gone crazy already. I called him maybe fifty times or more on Messenger, posted an SOS message on his Facebook account, and called him on his phone number, but still no response or call back. Does he really love me? Does he still love me? He seems so comfortable not answering my call nowadays, so unlike him when we just started dating. 
A guy tends to work harder during the dating stage. They tend to be more tolerant of the woman they are dating. They are extra in the wooing stage. 
But once they are in the relationship, they start to get mean when the woman is already so into him, like when she is already head over heels for him. 
Is this still love? Is this the relationship I was waiting for? I have my boyfriend at the age of 34. I have waited so long and reserved myself for him. I have always believed in dating to marry, but I guess that's not where I am heading. I am already 35 and I desire to have my own family. I was hopeful it would happen four months ago, and guess what, it didn't happen the way I wanted it. He's not ready when I am so ready. 
Sometimes, it hurts to see other people have their families at this age. I want to be happy for them, I truly am. I don't want to feel bad seeing them happy with their family, but sometimes, or most of the time at this age, I can't help but feel jealous or envious. I always ask God for forgiveness for feeling that way. 
I want to be content with what I have and where I am right now. I want to be grateful, thankful for what He has given me, what He has blessed me. Truly and genuinely, I want to be just grateful and joyful, but today and some other days, it is hard to do that. 
I thought love and relationships weren't going to be this hard. Sometimes I just want to die so I don't feel the pain and hurt, all the rejections, shame, and the feeling of not being good enough.
I want my tears to dry up. I want this pain to end. I want to disappear. Diesappear in this world. 

Out of My Comfort Zone at MIBF 2025

Yey! I did it again this year. I participated in MIBF 2025 as a writer and a reader.




For those who are unfamiliar with MIBF, it stands for Manila International Book Fair and is an annual event that many Filipino readers and writers eagerly anticipate. As a reader and writer, I have always been excited to participate in this event, especially if I have the budget (haha).

And this year has been, so far, my best experience of MIBF. And good news for those who know me: I stepped out of my comfort zone, or at least I tried, even if only for an hour, and I want to praise God for that!



With the help of PaperKat Books and Ms. Kath, I was able to book an hour of meet-the-writer and a book signing event during the MIBF 2025.

Initially, I only planned to consign my latest book, The Restless Mind, and hope for the best of its sales. I am scared to be on the frontline of the meet-the-writer and a book-signing event. But then, there was this desire to try the book signing activity. I took the risk. I thought I had nothing to lose, and it was not like I was going to do something bad or illegal.

"I am just gonna put myself out there, and be a little vulnerable in the eyes of spectators." I thought to myself.

So, yes, I did! I had the book signing and meet-the-writer activity with PaperKat Books. I am really grateful for the opportunity and the experience, and I am so glad I got to experience MIBF 2025 as a writer and a reader.



Special shout-out to the readers who took a chance on my book, The Restless Mind, during my book signing: Ram, Grace, Zu, LJ, and Thine!💙 If you bought my book at MIBF 2025, and I was not able to sign it for you, I hope I get to see you at other events. SLMT 💙

I am looking forward to experiencing more of this event.

I am joyful that I did this. It was beyond my comfort zone, but God did it again! He helped me get through 🙏🙌

Out of My Comfort Zone at MIBF 2025

Yey! I did it again this year. I participated in MIBF 2025 as a writer and a reader.


For those who are unfamiliar with MIBF, it stands for Manila International Book Fair and is an annual event that many Filipino readers and writers eagerly anticipate. As a reader and writer, I have always been excited to participate in this event, especially if I have the budget (haha).   
And this year has been, so far, my best experience of MIBF. And good news for those who know me: I stepped out of my comfort zone, or at least I tried, even if only for an hour, and I want to praise God for that!

With the help of PaperKat Books and Ms. Kath, I was able to book an hour of meet-the-writer and a book signing event during the MIBF 2025. 
Initially, I only planned to consign my latest book, The Restless Mind, and hope for the best of its sales. I am scared to be on the frontline of the meet-the-writer and a book signing event. But then, there was this desire to try the book signing activity. I took the risk. I thought I had nothing to lose, and it was not like I was going to do something bad or illegal.
"I am just gonna put myself out there, and be a little vulnerable in the eyes of spectators." I thought to myself. 
So, yes, I did! I had the book signing and meet-the-writer activity with PaperKat Books. I am really grateful for the opportunity and the experience, and I am so glad I got to experience MIBF 2025 as a writer and a reader. 

Special shout-out to the readers who took a chance on my book, The Restless Mind, during my book signing: Ram, Grace, Zu, LJ, and Thine!💙 If you bought my book at MIBF 2025, and I was not able to sign it for you, I hope I get to see you at other events. SLMT 💙
I am looking forward to experiencing more of this event.
I am joyful that I did this. It was beyond my comfort zone, but God did it again! He helped me get through 🙏🙌

I'm Gonna Be At MIBF 2025 Again

I have good news for you all. I will be participating Manila International Book Fair this year, 2025. I am excited to be doing this again after quite a while. I hope you are excited too. 
The Restless Mind, my latest book, is participating this year. The book event will run from September 10-14, 2025, from Wednesday to Sunday. 
Ms. Kath Eustaquio-Derla and PaperKat Books helped me to make this opportunity possible. 


I also have a Meet the author schedule at Booth #2-122, 2nd Floor Function Hall, SMX Convention Center Manila. So if you want to meet me or get your copies signed, please feel free to drop by. Other freebies are waiting for you. I hope I get to see you guys and gals! 

To Kill or Not To Kill A Mockingbird, What Would It Be?

The latest book that I read is To Kill A Mockingbird by Harper Lee. I think it is the first time I have read a classic intentionally. I thought reading a classic would be boring, but I was totally wrong. To Kill A Mockingbird proved me wrong.
It is also my first time having a reading buddy with the same book. It was a fun journey as we shared our thoughts and feelings through a group chat.  
This book brought hope to me, and I am sure to other readers. Though the resolution of the main conflict in the story is not favorable, I can say that the book teaches hope. That injustice does not have to be a dead end. The story setting is in 1930, more than a century ago, and the book screams RACISM as the main topic. It recounts a somber aspect of American history.
 
In the present, everything is better; not perfect, but better. The human race still has some improvement to make, and I hope that we are getting closer to it, rather than moving further away. 
The book has a slow pace of telling, and that is what I like about it. I enjoyed how the writer built up the story by mentioning the neighbors, the town, and the point of view of the narrator in the form of a child. There is always hope; change might take a while, but it will definitely happen as long as we strive for good and the better. 
So if you are looking for a book that will give you a glimpse of hope in humanity, then this book can be a good choice. 

🚌 Travel Blog Ep. 5: From Tamsui to Yehliu: A Scenic Bus Journey Along Taiwan’s North Coast (Day 2 - Part 1)

 

🌅 Introduction

There’s something magical about letting the road guide you along Taiwan’s rugged north coast. The bus ride from Tamsui to Yehliu Geopark isn’t just a transfer — it’s a moving postcard, with every curve revealing another slice of coastal beauty. Whether you’re a first-time visitor or a seasoned traveler, this route offers a perfect blend of nature, culture, and seaside charm.

🗺️ The Route at a Glance

The 716 Crown Northern Coast Shuttle links MRT Tamsui Station to Yehliu Geopark, tracing Provincial Highway 2. Along the way, you’ll pass:

Qianshui Bay – A tranquil beach perfect for a morning stroll.

Baisha Bay – Known for its soft white sand and calm waters.

Fugui Cape Lighthouse – Taiwan’s northernmost point, with panoramic ocean views.

Shimen Arch – A striking natural rock formation shaped by the sea.

Juming Museum – An open-air art space showcasing the works of sculptor Ju Ming.

Jinshan Old Street – A foodie’s haven with traditional snacks and hot spring culture.

📸 Why This Ride is Special

Ever-changing scenery — From fishing villages to dramatic cliffs, the view never gets old.

Cultural gems — The route blends natural wonders with art, history, and local life.

Budget-friendly adventure — A one-way trip costs around NT$90, or grab a Taipei Fun Pass for unlimited rides.

🏞️ Yehliu Geopark: The Grand Finale

Your journey ends at Yehliu Geopark, famous for its otherworldly rock formations like the Queen’s Head, Fairy Shoe, and Sea Candles. The contrast of golden rock against the deep blue sea is a photographer’s dream.

💡 Travel Tips

Best time to go: Clear days between October and April for crisp views.

Seating hack: Sit on the right side of the bus for the best coastal panoramas.

Pack light: Bring water, sunscreen, and a camera — you’ll be hopping off often.

✨ Final Thoughts

This isn’t just a bus ride — it’s a curated journey through Taiwan’s north coast, where every stop tells a story. If you’re looking to slow down, soak in the scenery, and discover hidden treasures, the Tamsui-to-Yehliu route is your ticket.

Tuesdays with Morrie: Life Lessons on Gratitude, Death, and Eternal Hope

Tuesdays With Morrie is a book that I got to know through a friend. I saw one of his online posts, and didn’t waste my time having a second look. It was just one of the many passing updates on my news feed from my online friends which I rarely put too much attention to.

It started with curiosity and a book that was on sale at Goodwill. It was cheap and I could afford it hehe
The book left me with the impression that nothing is forever. Nothing lasts for eternity. Well, except for the One who is Eternity.
People come and go. They stay for a season and a reason. Some choose to stay, some choose to leave, and some just have no choice but to submit to the natural way of life, which one of them is death.

Humans die. Human death is a dead end, everyone must face it. To leave the physical world is something that no one could ever run away from.
But the memories we create with our loved ones, with the people who stay for a season and a reason worth all the struggle and pain we face in life. The experience of being alive and living and loving the moment is a gift from the One who lasts for eternity.
The present is a gift I am in the process of consistently trying to be grateful for. I can be an overthinker sometimes and that ruins the gift of the present. I am always praying to have a grateful heart, a heart that is overflowing with gratitude. In good times and bad times, I desire to be grateful to the LORD.
The attitude of gratitude is a good way of living a good life, of no regrets, of contentment, and of joy.
I hope and pray we also find peace as we journey to a life that is filled with gratitude to the One who stays and lasts forever.

‭1 Thessalonians 5:18 NIV‬
[18] give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom

Tuesdays With Morrie is a book that I got to know through a friend. I saw one of his online posts, and didn’t waste my time having a second look. It was just one of the many passing updates on my news feed from my online friends which I rarely put too much attention to.

It started with curiosity and a book that was on sale at Goodwill. It was cheap and I could afford it hehe
The book left me with the impression that nothing is forever. Nothing lasts for eternity. Well, except for the One who is Eternity.
People come and go. They stay for a season and a reason. Some choose to stay, some choose to leave, and some just have no choice but to submit to the natural way of life, which one of them is death.

Humans die. Human death is a dead end, everyone must face it. To leave the physical world is something that no one could ever run away from.
But the memories we create with our loved ones, with the people who stay for a season and a reason worth all the struggle and pain we face in life. The experience of being alive and living and loving the moment is a gift from the One who lasts for eternity.
The present is a gift I am in the process of consistently trying to be grateful for. I can be an overthinker sometimes and that ruins the gift of the present. I am always praying to have a grateful heart, a heart that is overflowing with gratitude. In good times and bad times, I desire to be grateful to the LORD.
The attitude of gratitude is a good way of living a good life, of no regrets, of contentment, and of joy.
I hope and pray we also find peace as we journey to a life that is filled with gratitude to the One who stays and lasts forever.

‭1 Thessalonians 5:18 NIV‬
[18] give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

🐼 Taiwan Blog Ep. 4: A Wild First Day in Taipei

If you're dreaming of a vibrant mix of nature, culture, and cityscapes, Taiwan delivers—and this vlog proves it. In Taiwan Vlog Ep. 4: Day 1 in Taiwan | Taipei Zoo, Maokong Gondola, Taipei 101, the creator kicks off their Taiwan adventure with a jam-packed itinerary that blends wildlife encounters, scenic gondola rides, and towering urban marvels.

🦁 Stop 1: Taipei Zoo – Where the Wild Things Are

The day begins at the Taipei Zoo, one of Asia’s largest and most diverse zoos. From giant pandas to exotic birds, the vlog showcases the zoo’s lush environment and well-designed habitats. It’s not just a place for kids—animal lovers of all ages will appreciate the thoughtful layout and the chance to see rare species up close.

🚡 Stop 2: Maokong Gondola – Floating Above the Tea Fields

Next up is the Maokong Gondola, a scenic cable car ride that offers sweeping views of Taipei’s green hills and tea plantations. The vlog captures the peaceful ascent into the mountains, where the air is cooler and the pace slower. It’s the perfect contrast to the buzz of the city, and a great spot to sip some locally grown oolong tea.

🏙️ Stop 3: Taipei 101 – Touching the Sky

No trip to Taipei is complete without a visit to Taipei 101, once the tallest building in the world. The vlog wraps up with a glimpse of this architectural marvel, highlighting its sleek design and the panoramic views from the observation deck. Whether you're into engineering, photography, or just love a good skyline, Taipei 101 is a must-see.

✈️ Final Thoughts

This vlog is a fantastic primer for anyone planning a trip to Taiwan. It balances nature and city life, offering a taste of what makes Taipei so special. From cuddly pandas to sky-high towers, Day 1 sets the tone for an unforgettable journey.

Ready to plan your own adventure? Let this vlog be your guide—and don’t forget to pack your sense of wonder.

🐼 Taiwan Vlog Ep. 4: A Wild First Day in Taipei

If you're dreaming of a vibrant mix of nature, culture, and cityscapes, Taiwan delivers—and this vlog proves it. In Taiwan Vlog Ep. 4: Day 1 in Taiwan | Taipei Zoo, Maokong Gondola, Taipei 101, the creator kicks off their Taiwan adventure with a jam-packed itinerary that blends wildlife encounters, scenic gondola rides, and towering urban marvels.

🦁 Stop 1: Taipei Zoo – Where the Wild Things Are

The day begins at the Taipei Zoo, one of Asia’s largest and most diverse zoos. From giant pandas to exotic birds, the vlog showcases the zoo’s lush environment and well-designed habitats. It’s not just a place for kids—animal lovers of all ages will appreciate the thoughtful layout and the chance to see rare species up close.

🚡 Stop 2: Maokong Gondola – Floating Above the Tea Fields

Next up is the Maokong Gondola, a scenic cable car ride that offers sweeping views of Taipei’s green hills and tea plantations. The vlog captures the peaceful ascent into the mountains, where the air is cooler and the pace slower. It’s the perfect contrast to the buzz of the city, and a great spot to sip some locally grown oolong tea.

🏙️ Stop 3: Taipei 101 – Touching the Sky

No trip to Taipei is complete without a visit to Taipei 101, once the tallest building in the world. The vlog wraps up with a glimpse of this architectural marvel, highlighting its sleek design and the panoramic views from the observation deck. Whether you're into engineering, photography, or just love a good skyline, Taipei 101 is a must-see.

✈️ Final Thoughts

This vlog is a fantastic primer for anyone planning a trip to Taiwan. It balances nature and city life, offering a taste of what makes Taipei so special. From cuddly pandas to sky-high towers, Day 1 sets the tone for an unforgettable journey.

Ready to plan your own adventure? Let this vlog be your guide—and don’t forget to pack your sense of wonder.