Jonathan Lenahan's Blog, page 2

Social Media And Glue

As a heads up, my blog will be experiencing some down time the next three or four days. I’m having it revamped to better the user experience, not to mention give me some more creative liberty. The theme we’re using right now is fun, but it’s also very restrictive. I’ll be posting the new version of it and everything the moment it is completed.

But today we’re talking about social media and glue. Fun stuff, right?

I spend a decent amount of time on social media, whether it’s Instagram or Twitter or Facebook or whatever. That isn’t to say that I spend all my time on there wisely. Realistically, I should probably be saying wise author-like things or promoting other authors or myself or reviewing books or whatever every time I login. I know that. I don’t do it, though. Why? No idea. I’d cite time, but then I’m already on the social media, so that’s a pretty lame excuse.

What I do pretty well on social media, however, is people watch. I’m a people watching champion from way back when. Just ask anyone. Have a few medals to prove it. They’re sharp and poky and I don’t wear them anymore, so you can’t see them. And every social media platform has its own special brand of people watching: on Facebook I get to see people rant, on Instagram I get to see, umm, people, and on Twitter I get to see off-the-cuff, almost guaranteed honest reactions to the world.

The most interesting of them, for the purposes of this post, is Twitter. Mostly because tons of authors congregate on there. What’s more, authors tweet. A lot. And it’s usually pretty entertaining.

Here’s where social media and writing tie-in together. Twitter, in its oh so brazen world, has bonded authors and writers together in a way that I don’t think has ever been done before. And, if it has, then it’s been kept on the DL.

Lemme’ explain myself.

I know diddly shit about history (I was a history major, by the way). To my knowledge, authors sat around writing, drinking copious amounts of liquor, and basically doing their own thing. Yeah, I know there were great friendships and relationships between authors, but, to my knowledge, it wasn’t anything as vast as it is today.

After booting up the ole’ Twitter feed just a second ago (do things still get booted up?), I ran a quick scan down its length. Taking up approximately 70% of my page is Sam Sykes and his Otis obsession, followed by Robert Bennett from City of Blades, then Brian Staveley, Patrick Rothfuss, Joe Abercrombie and his wife, Brandon Sanderson, Scott Lynch’s jealousy inducing long hair, and Brian McClellan playing with his Legos. Pretty well-known, respected authors in the fantasy community, eh?

Here’s the cool thing. They’re all, to one degree or another, in communication with one another. Some more than others, as can be found with the consistently ludicrous (but wildly entertaining) stories exchanged by Skyes and Bennett, to a different author commenting on Mclellan’s new Lego cabin, etc.

In effect, social media is bonding these authors together in a way that has never been done before. It is, in many ways, the glue of these relationships. Twitter’s speed of posting, its ease of reading, and host of other features make these relationships easy to obtain.

Now only that, but it allows other writers to get in touch with these authors. And out of those writers, some of them will eventually become well-known/famous in their own right, so in fifteen or twenty years, we very probably will have an entire network of fantasy writers that know each other, not only professionally, but on a personal level.

That’s pretty cool, in my opinion.

Now, it’s not all sunshine and daises. I prefer storms anyway. Eventually, if this does happen, cliques are going to end up forming. Not everyone is going to get along. There are going to be differences of opinions, alternate takes on subject matter, arguments about the validity of a sword-wand, and all the other normal factors that go into making people enemies. This probably already happens to a degree, but with authors being more in touch than ever before – publicly – so too will these cliques form in the eyes of readers. Possibly. I’m just throwing out hypotheticals.

I, for one, am looking forward to this. Not necessarily the cliques, but the vast network of authors communicating with one another. And why not? The more people talking, the more ideas get shared. And the more ideas get shared, the better possibility there is of something extraordinary getting written. Ideas are meant to be for all, not cravenly held close to one’s chest and petted at night and whispered about. Twitter and the other social medias will help this spread organically, and it will better the fantasy genre.

It almost hurts me to say this, but long live social media.

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Fantasy Cliches And Quick Deaths

Clichés of any sort can be an annoyance, but fantasy clichés are particularly grating. No idea why. Maybe it’s because you can only have so many wand-waving wizards before you want to rip their beards out and snap their brittle elbows over your knee, just to show them who is boss.

Side note: Whenever anyone mentions wizards, I always envision Merlin from Disney’s animated The Sword in the Stone. Am I the only one?

Back to fantasy clichés. So here I am, working on my book two, and I arrive at this amazing idea for one of my characters. It’s like I have rainbows exploding from my eyes, frantically pounding the keyboard with enough rapidity that the idea doesn’t dissipate. Halfway through the chapter, I realize that I’m just twisting a fantasy cliché, which is how I arrived at this topic.

Boom! Background. *Cheers from the crowd*

Nothing wrong with fantasy clichés, provided you put a bit of your own twist on them or just execute them really well. There’s a damn good reason that fantasy clichés even exist – the original idea was good enough to copy. Right?

After a time, though, even the best-executed fantasy clichés wear out their welcome. The rug mat is caked with mud, the dishes are scraping the ceiling, and you had to pass out on the couch last night because you came home and found them sleeping in your bed.

It’s time for them to go.

Fantasy clichés come in two sizes: big and small. These are my top five, along with why I think they need to hibernate. Who knows? If we stay away from them long enough, one day they’ll be fresh and new all over again.

Prophecy, Especially THE Prophecy:

First of all, prophecy of any sort is a sticky bitch. You have to contend with free will, then hammer out all the small details, and even then, it’s practically guaranteed that some rebellious loophole of logic will cram its round way through a square hole and make it to the other side unscathed. If discovered, your efforts at assembling a coherent system of prophetic undertakings will come crashing down like a castle of Legos meeting a wrecking ball.

Objection: There are ways to (mostly) get around the problems of prophecy while still retaining it within your book. Plus, if well-done, it can be a ripe sort of fun to watch a hero ram himself headfirst against a prophecy in an attempt to undo it. However, these exceptions are few and far-between, and since prophecy normally revolves around the Chosen One, that leads me to my next fantasy cliché.

Chosen Ones Are Good Only For Chosen Deaths:

Let’s get one thing straight. Or, rather, less crooked. Chosen ones are about as exciting as a bowl of moldy eggs (if you’re curious as to where I got that breathtaking analogy, I just ate a bowl of scrambled eggs). We all know their story, not only the beginning, but their end as well. Therein lies the problem. I want something fresh. Exciting. Not someone getting “chosen” or having his birth foretold, because 89% of the time, I can tell you how that story goes.

Boy is naïve but possessed of great intangibles like bravery and honesty.

Boy discovers he is the Chosen One.

Boy is mentored by someone who gets him up to speed, granting him sword and weaponry skills that realistically should take decades to master.

Boy fights Evil.

Boy defeats Evil.

The boy might see a few bumps in the road, but this fantasy cliché has been played out more times than I can count. I, for one, would like to see it hit the road.

Objection: Sometimes (see Harry Potter), clichés work for the betterment of the story. Plus, it can warm the nonexistent cockolds of my heart to see someone pathetic grow up to be a badass, but the author has to have a fantastic story to tell in order for this to work. The Magicians trilogy is a good example of this.

Ridiculously Supercharged, Over-the Top, Illogical Fight Scenes

Badass heroes are badass. Duh. So if your hero can go three-on-one and win handily, all the while munching on a jelly-filled doughnut, wouldn’t it be more badass to up the enemies to eleven and throw in a footlong Subway sandwich?

The answer, obviously, is no. It’s past the point of believability. Unless, of course, you’re a wizard, which theoretically means you could kill five at once. But, to make up for that, you’re going to need to have your magic drastically decrease or some such consequence. Add in mitigating factors. It’s the same thing in real-life battles. A tank can absolutely squash fifteen people, but it’ll have a tough time doing basically anything else. It isn’t all-powerful, and your fight scenes should reflect that.

Objection: Sometimes it’s just awesome to show a hero (or even a villain) taking names and wrecking shop. If the book’s writing is done well enough, I might not even notice because my adrenaline is pumping so hard. Those instances, though, are about as few and far between as a puppy who doesn’t eat other dogs’ shit (which, conveniently, my puppy did yesterday. FML).

Boring-Ass Black-And-White Characters

This is my number one fantasy cliché, but I’m going to leave it at number four because I’m a lazy SOB. It aggravates the living fuckkkkkkkkk out of me when I read books that do this. To the point that I’ll rage like a child and throw my book across the room and hit an actual child. Get sued. Wind up straitjacketed and talking to Jack Nicholson. Don’t worry, though. I’ve heard wonders about that electroshock therapy stuff.

Fantasy needs to mirror reality in some major ways so as to make things believable. If you have a character who is evil for no other reason than to be evil, that does two things: A) it makes writing that character much easier for the author in question and B) it deadens the interest I have in the character.

Real people do bad things all the time for what they perceive to be good reasons. That’s what makes them interesting. If you dilute all of that into “Evil is his calling,” then what is there to make me want to read about him? I already know all there is to know. This dude is over here squishing babies because he wants to be the next Sauron. Now, if this guy is over here squishing babies because he honestly believes that he’s saving the world from the next Hitler, that’s a different story. I would love to read about a guy who does that sort of thing. Hypothetically, of course. Babies are already messy enough.

Objection: Unlike the other fantasy clichés, I can’t really figure out many instances where this is an okay one to include. I loathe it every time it happens, including classics like LOTR. I guess, if I was realllly stretching, I can see how it would be interesting to see a person doing evil for the sake of evil because he believes that evil needs to exist to balance good, so he thinks it’s his duty to provide that equilibrium, which would technically make him less of a villain and more of a hero, in a way, but that’s a stretch.

Really Stupid Names:

Ask me to name more than five people from Robert Jordan’s The Wheel of Time. Go ahead, ask. Now wait while I take the next seventeen minutes trying to remember where the apostrophe goes so that I can do the pronunciation justice.

I can’t handle that shit. Truly. Now, I get it, names are subjective. I’ve had people tell me the names I’ve chosen for my series are ill-fitting. *Shrugs* That’s why I’m putting this at number five. But there is a point where the outlandishness of your names becomes off-putting to the reader, and when I find myself only recognizing characters by the first few letters of their names, we have a problem on our hands.

Objection: Outlandish names give fantasy a ring of authenticity which, as a fantasy novel, it needs. A hero named Joe just might not work for you. I can take that, but there is such a thing as diminishing returns, and when you have three apostrophes in one name and three Z’s, I think you’ve crossed that line.

Here’s a nice little link on talking about this usage.

And that’s that! I’m off. Totally thinking about adopting another puppy this afternoon to give Blue some company, so I may have some sweet pup pictures for you guys later.

Jonathan

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Update on the Move

Alright, everyone. I’m settled. Officially! In saying that, I haven’t had a moment to think. Between job interviews, setting up utilities, grocery shopping, unpacking, and cleaning this place up, time has run together for me.

Finished up with utilities last night, which means I got to shower for the first time in two days. If you had neared me, you would have probably recoiled in disgust. Maybe thrown some holy water. I also managed to buy some groceries without getting hit by a trolley. That, in itself, was a feat. Blasted thing runs up and down on the regular. No idea how people haven’t gotten smashed underneath it.

I will (hopefully) be finished making these quarters livable by late this evening. Still need to call an exterminator and all that jazz. My second interview for a second job will be this afternoon, which only leaves one left, presuming I do well on it.

After that, everything should be back on track! So I’ll be back on Monday with something more worthwhile than an update on my personal life.

I haven’t forgotten you.

Jonathan

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Moving Day!

Well, guys, I found a place to live. It’s an old fire station down in New Orleans, so as I did all day yesterday, I’m going to be hauling, cleaning, and moving stuff around. Just wanted to give everyone heads up!

Friday, you can expect one of two things:

A Bourbon Bar Post Review
A specialty cocktail video from me.

Then, from here on out, it’s business as normal. Hope everyone as a kickass Wednesday!

Jonathan

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Writing and Life Experiences

When it comes to life experiences, there seem to be two thoughts concerning writing:

By the time you’re twenty-five, you’ve had all the life experiences you need to become a writer. You know everything you need to know.
The more life experiences you have, the better a writer you can theoretically become; therefore, have as many life experiences as possible.

The truth, as usual, lies somewhere in the middle. Let me explain.

If you keep up with me at all, you know that my life is in a bit of an uproar. The job that I’ve had the past while (stay tuned for a review of Calla, possibly the best place of employment I’ve ever had the pleasure of enjoying), has come to a close. I’m moving to New Orleans and exploring the wide world of Bourbon Street, along with, of course, the city’s inordinately humongous appetite for booze.

Last month, I gave away 90% of my belongings to reach a more minimalistic lifestyle.

My car, as of recently a fun little sports car, is on the chopping block. Instead, I’m driving a 1989 Toyota 4×4 Pickup.

It’s safe to say that I’m embracing the second point concerning life experiences, as all of this is new to me.

So let’s talk about the pros and cons of each point. For writers especially, I think both points hold water. It’s only when one uses them for a life raft that they start springing leaks.

Point One: “By the time you’re twenty-five, you’ve had all the life experiences you need to become a writer. You know everything you need to know.”
Calm in a storm. That’s you.
Pros:

It gives you an excuse to get comfortable. No, not the Twinkie munching excuses for humans you see morphing into barely breathing couches kind of comfortable, but the kind that allows you to create and set a schedule. The kind that lets you knew when you’re writing every morning. That has a steady paycheck. It’s predictable. That can be a strength.

In the writer’s world, this is an underrated bonus. We thrive when we have times dedicated to writing, and when something gets in the way of that time, our day is thrown to shit. The last few weeks, it’s happened to me with a startling amount of regularity, to no end of aggravation.

If you adhere to this train of thought, it’s easy to live in the same city the rest of your life. It’s easy to do *normal* things, like marrying or having children or work the same 9-5 for the next forty years. Your rhythm, such as it is, will putter along uninterrupted. For a writer, that means you’re going to get a lot of work done.

And, really, you want to be a writer, right? Or you are one already. You probably have a vivid imagination to begin with. Knowing that, there’s a decent chance you can watch the sanitation workers gather your trash at the end of the road one morning, let that thought ramble and grow, then eventually transform it into a story of some magnitude.

We’re writers. That’s how it’s supposed to work.

By following this route, you become adept at taking the small and nitpicking them, making them something entirely new. You never need to put yourself at risk or do something outlandish. The annual outing to Disneyworld is as crazy as you get, and there’s something to say for a man like that. My dad is such a person, and he’s made one helluva life by doing so. By twenty-five, he had experienced all the experiences he had needed to do what he wanted to do.

You can as well.

That doesn’t mean, however, that there aren’t cons to following this route.

Cons:

Honestly, you might just not have enough imagination to make this work. And that’s not a slight as much as it is the truth. Some people are more athletic than others, while others are smarter, etc., so it makes sense that the same applies to levels of imagination.

And don’t feel alone. I’m in this camp as well. If I did nothing but the same ole’ thing, day-in-and-out, there is very little chance that I would be able to write something that broke boundaries or retained any semblance of unconventionality. My brain just doesn’t work that way, putting in the overtime hours and throwing out so many ideas that it practically short-circuits.

Rather, my brain is good at taking things and twisting them. At this point, 2016, being an entirely original thinker is overrated anyway – what else is left? We’re just standing on the shoulders of giants, so you might as well get comfortable.

Setting yourself up for a humdrum life is not a death toll for any writer. With the proper amount of willpower, application of imagination, and, most importantly, your reading choices, you can circumvent just about anything. That doesn’t mean, however, that you’re making things any easier on yourself.

Point Two: The more life experiences you have, the better a writer you can theoretically become; therefore, have as many life experiences as possible.

Pros:

This one is easy. I’ll talk about it in the form of an example.

Imagine you live your entire life in the utility room. There’s a washer and drier in there. A microwave. A few shelves worth of odds-and-ends. A dog kennel. A counter. The doors are both locked, you have no communication with others, and the only food you eat is slid through a slot on the wall.

Now, what would that person be like? More specifically, what would he be like as a writer? Weird, for one. Two, probably pretty boring.

Why? Because he lacks life experiences. Take him and compare him to the writer who has scoured the globe, lived in sixteen different cultures, white-water rafted and skydived, been married three times, and has two kids. Which one do you think is going to have a bigger bank of imagination to draw upon?

It’s not ridiculous to think that, rarely, the guy in the utility room might make a better writer than the other guy. Maybe he pontificates philosophically with the best of them. Maybe his lack of life experiences fires his imagination into overdrive. Or maybe he’s just incredibly gifted.

That doesn’t refute, though, the idea that the guy with a ton of life experiences is going to have so many more options for his imagination to pick up and use, even if he is less gifted than the guy in the utility room.

I would probably read the second guy, no offense to the guy sleeping beside the drier.

Cons:

If you’re a writer, then you know, without a shadow of a doubt, how difficult it is to just sit down and write. Rather, most of us are ritualistic creatures. We take our cup of coffee at 6:00. At 6:15, we wash it, get another cup, then sit down and read a few pages from a book. At 7:00, we’re ready to start writing, and you write until some end goal is reached, whether that be a certain word count, chapter count, time limit, or something else entirely.

Much different, however, is the ability to say to yourself, “Aw, hell. I need to write.” Pull out your laptop and just get to working. I CANNOT do that. No effin’ way. My attempts at doing that always end up with me either taking a nap or surfing the web aimlessly while I berate myself for not writing.

And this is an easy trap to fall into if you’re intent on gaining life experiences, whether you’re doing so for the enjoyableness of said experiences or because they indirectly better your writing. You might become so busy conducting life experiences that you forget to actually write, which defeats the purpose of having them in the first place (except for the fact that, well, they’re just fun and good to have in general).

So if you do, as a writer, intend on stocking your life with experiences like a clerk at Wal-Mart stocks the shelves, you must remember what actually brought you to this conclusion. You must continue to find time to write.

In that sense, the person who adheres to point number two has a harder time than the person who adheres to point number one. That doesn’t mean it’s a worse point, though. It just means that writing will require more discipline.

VERDICT:

For a long time – imagine tyrannosaurs chomping into raptors kind of long – I’ve adhered to the first thought: “By twenty-five, you’ve learned everything you need to learn to become a writer.” And why not? Given enough brainpower and imagination, you can create anything. Realistically, that’s all it takes to be an author.

But while it isn’t strictly necessary to have a huge sandbox worth of life experiences, it certainly helps. Instead of using nothing but imagination to create your stories, you can draw upon your life and what you’ve seen of it. The more you’ve seen of life, the easier it will be to do this.

In essence, life experiences bolster your imagination, while your imagination is dependent upon, to a degree, your number of life experiences. And while I fully believe that many greater writers have led somewhat sheltered, hermitical lives, I also believe that a great many more have led a very interesting life. Lived, as it is, to the utmost.

For me, I’ve finally determined that the truth – as with most things – lies somewhere in the middle. I have a good, but not stellar, imagination, so to make up for that fact, I’m going to taste every bit of flavor life has to offer. In a way, those life experiences make up for my shortcomings in imagination. Or, put another way and at the very least, they make the connections between creation and imagination. Instead of having to build a boat to cross, your life experiences act as a bridge.

Whichever one you decide to go with, you can’t go wrong, though. Because at the end of the day, what separates us from the dreamers is putting a pen to paper and letting go. Continue that and it’s hard to fail.

Jonathan

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Best of Bourbon Street: Bourbon O Bar

Considering my upcoming imminent move to New Orleans, I thought it would be appropriate to start a review of the bars you can find down there. As most of you know, New Orleans is considered to be the cocktail capital of the world. From places like Cure to Bourbon O Bar, you can find specialties each and every place you go.

Take a step down, though, and you’re going to enter the infuckingsane lifestyle that is Bourbon Street. This, more so than any other place in New Orleans, is its calling card.

That isn’t to say that Bourbon Street is the best part of New Orleans. St. Charles and Magazine Street have some amazing sights, and uptown Nola is nothing to sniff at. But Bourbon Street, with its extravagances and outlandish activities, is why tourists flock there.

Add in the fact that I’m soon to be working on Bourbon Street and the review of bars down this unholy strip of blocks by yours truly is nearly unavoidable.

As far as which ones I’m going to do first, I’ll probably start on the front end of Bourbon and work my way back. Once I hit the end, I’ll start the second side of the street. From strip clubs to dive bars to cocktail lounges to daiquiri bars, Bourbon Street has everything. The reviews will reflect that, which means this will be a VERY long-running series.

The posts will be divided as such:

Introduction: a little bit about the bar, what it’s supposed to be, and all that sort of thing.
Bartending, which will cover their efficiency, knowledge, conversational manner, and general managing abilities.
Selection of liquors/wines/beers/cocktails. If I’m visiting a whiskey bar, I’m not going to take off points for a lack of a wine selection. That would be stupid. You get the idea.
Atmosphere, which is kind of self-explanatory. For instance, the bar I’m talking about today is a cocktail/jazz place, so if it’s rambunctious and has a fight every night, then it would get a low rating.
Lastly, I’ll include a bonus category regarding the extras that the bar offers, which can be anything from drink specials to performers.

I’ll end the review with my overall thoughts and judgment of the bar, which will take everything I’ve talked about plus some into consideration.

What I hope this will do is allow anyone visiting Bourbon Street to pick and choose EXACTLY what type of bar they want.

Later, after I wrap everything up, I’ll make a list of the best cocktail bars in Nola, the best wine bars, the best dive bars, and so on. Each and every bar on this list and in the future will be judged according to how it promotes itself. So if a dive bar specializing in slinging high-volume whiskey and cokes doesn’t have an amazing singer crooning in the corner, they won’t lose points. Pretty self-explanatory.

First up on my list?

Bourbon O Bar:
Introduction:

Full disclosure, there is an above-average chance that I’ll end up working here. Knowing that, I attempted to remain objective, and I took the majority of my notes before they offered me the second interview, so that didn’t color my view. Here we go!

Touted as a jazz and craft cocktail club, this is actually a hotel bar with an entrance into Bourbon Street. It’s cool because you have a variety of people there. Classier people checking into the hotel and party-goers fresh off Bourbon. If you Google it, you’ll see Bourbon O Bar boasts a 4.6 rating, which is one of the highest I’ve ever seen. It also has sixteen reviews, which is more than enough to validate its score.

Bartending:

I walked in this place with a North Face backpack slung across my shoulder, looking pretty rough after I had accidentally stepped in the world’s largest puddle (utterly darkening my favorite wingtips). Anyway, it was fairly empty, with two or three people at the bar and another couple at one of the cocktail tables.

When I pulled up a chair, the bar’s manager greeted me. Her name is Cheryl Charming, the publisher of sixteen different cocktail books and possessor of New Orleans’ 2014 Mixologist of the Year award (which is a pretty big deal in the bartending world). She put a napkin in front of me and gave me a menu, then told me she would be with me in a few seconds after she finished with her previous guests.

As any bar guest can tell you, simply being recognized by the bartender at hand is a damn good way to start the night, as it looks like the bartender isn’t going to ignore you (hate that crap). It was a solid start.

After flipping through the menu (made to look old-fashioned in an endearing sort of way), I finally settled on my drink: The Ramos Gin Fizz, one of, if not THE, most famous drink in New Orleans. When I ordered it, Cheryl proceeded to give me a pretty good history lesson on the drink, its creator, the three other bars in the area who do the Ramos Gin Fizz, along with assorted odds and ends. The conversation was natural and flowing and it was obvious that she knew her cocktails.

VERY COOL, in my opinion, was the way she shook the Ramos Gin Fizz. Its original creator, Henry “Carl” Ramos, said it needed to be shaken for over six minutes. He actually employed a line of shaker boys to do the work for him. Without shaking it for that long, the drink doesn’t taste right, as not all of its ingredients will be well-mixed.

Cheryl, as it turned out, recognized that problem, and went about solving it in a unique manner. Instead of employing six minutes worth of arm strength to shake the bastard, she went out and bought a bubble-tea shaker, which looks like this:

Simply put the shaker filled with the Ramos Gin Fizz’s ingredients in the holder, type in six minutes, and bam! It shakes it for you, taking out the work element so Cheryl could get other things done. Plus, most importantly, it does the drink justice.

As expected, it was delicious.

Eventually, Cheryl had to take care of a few other guests, so Rachel got my next drink. I wanted a Vesper, which she made with aplomb, discussing its ingredients and whatnot as she went. I usually use Lillet in my Vesper, but she used Cocchi Americano, telling me her reasons as she went along. It was my first experience with that substitute, and I’m pleased to say that it was definitely enjoyable, as the Americano is slightly sweeter which negates the necessity of a quarter ounce of simple syrup.

Throughout the rest of the night, I had a Bourbon Mule (homemade ginger beer), a Hendrick’s martini, and tried a new, 100% corn whiskey called the Hudson Baby.

One of their specialty drinks I didn’t get to try, but I will the next time I visit. It’s called the Midas Cup, served in a huge plastic gold cup that you can take with you after you drink it. So, instead of being one of those people with the huge beer mugs or hand grenades, you can have a giant gold cup to drink out of. Pretty neat. I’ll cover this one in detail at a later date.

Overall, the bartending staff here knows their craft. They provided me with more than an abundance of the place’s history, and not once was there an awkward lull in the conversations. Definitely impressed.

Bartending Score: 10/10
Drink Selection:

As mentioned earlier, I had my first encounter with a 100% corn whiskey, the Hudson Baby Bourbon. The bottle itself was pretty sweet, reminiscent of an actual baby, seeing as how it fit in the palm of my hand. They also had an above-average collection of other, lesser-known liquors, quality all.

I’m torn on my thoughts concerning this subsection. On one hand, I really liked their liquor selection. They had good quality products, liquors that I would be more than happy to imbibe. At the same time, though, it didn’t feature quite as many New Orleans-based products as I might have expected.

One might argue that there just aren’t enough high quality liquors in New Orleans to stock a bar fully, and that’s an acceptable argument. One might also argue that I was three drinks in on this particular session of my notetaking, so I wasn’t quite as attuned as I should have been.

Regardless of my admittedly hazy state, I didn’t see enough local drinks to suit my preference. But, to even that out, everything I saw was of high quality, and since this is a cocktail bar, where you’re not necessarily going to *taste* the particular bourbon or rum or whatever you’re using, then I can accept that argument.

They do have wine there, but it’s nothing fancy. Your basic reds and whites. Acceptable to quaff, but nothing you’re going to spend much time sipping upon while contemplating the complexities of the universe.

As far as beer goes, I didn’t drink any while I was there. I don’t want to comment on this section because Cheryl told me they were in the middle of swapping out their beer selection – almost entirely – and I don’t want to judge a place based on products they’ll no longer be carrying in the first place.

This is a craft cocktail bar, though. Not a beer bar. And not a wine bar. And, as I stated earlier, I will be reviewing the bar based upon what they declare themselves to be. So I view the existence of those products as bonuses, not necessarily knocks against the bar.

What they care about is their cocktails, and what they do very well is their cocktails. The ingredients are high-quality and professionally mixed.

Can’t really rate this one lower than nearly the best of the best. If the Midas Cup ends up being really bomb, I’ll probably bump this number up another notch.

*Note: drink selection (cocktails, wines, spirits, and beers) also depends on the bartender present. Rachel and Cheryl were great, which contributed to this score.

Drink Selection Score: 9/10
Atmosphere:

This is a tough selection, in large part due to the location of Bourbon O Bar. From above, the hotel guests come to the bar. Since it’s a pretty decent hotel, the bar gets pretty decent guests. It helps that each guest receives a ticket for one free drink at the bar, so they’re encouraged to come there.

On the other hand, there is an entrance that comes in from Bourbon Street. It’s a really nice part of Bourbon, surrounded by nicer shops and bars, but it’s still on Bourbon, which means you’re going to get your fair share supremely loud individuals. Not necessarily a bad thing, but the clientele can clash.

Thankfully, this potential disaster is mitigated by a few significant details. Firstly, it’s in a nice part of Bourbon (it does exist), which means you’ll see quieter, likely older groups of people that are there for reasons other than getting straight up blasted.

Secondly, the very reputation of this bar is going to attract a certain crowd. It’s promoted as a quieter place, with great music and better cocktails. Not exactly the party atmosphere people are looking for.

I say that to say this: at first, I was leery about the possible civil war this place could bring, but after soaking it in, I realized that the fear is largely overblown.

Inside, the ceiling tiles are golden with designs etched into them. They complement the bar and its surroundings, which is dark in many ways, with brighter fringes. To the left is a lounge area, unoccupied when I went but there for “rent” or whatever the term would be. It has a private bathroom, which is a nice feature, and it looked quite cozy.

To the right is the band’s stage. Not overly large, it’s situated in a corner, which also happens to be directly across from the bar’s corner. Cocktail tables line the wall on either side, and further in is the bar itself, shaped in a normal L shape. If you walk to the very back, you can find the slot machines, then another door which leads into the hotel itself.

Mostly an older crown sipping gin and tonics and a few specialty drinks, it was a subdued, relaxing place to drink and chit-chat. Personally, that’s my favorite type of bar. Now, I was there on a Tuesday, so there was no music playing, and the crowd wasn’t what it could have been, so I might need to make another pass to really nail the atmosphere of Bourbon O Bar.

They weren’t the most artistic bar around, but they definitely had their fair share of art littering the walls. I rather enjoyed this piece, which you can find gracing their inner region.

With great cocktails, potentially soothing jazz in the background, and a complementary decor, I don’t think I’m overshooting the mark here. Next time I’m in there and actually witness a bigger crowd and the bands they choose, I’ll update this. Until then, I’ll leave the score as is.

Atmosphere Score: 8 /10
Extras:

There are a few things about this place that I liked more than your average cocktail bar. Some of them are awesome, while some of them are only “okay.”

First of all, in the back, toward the bathrooms, Bourbon O Bar offers two slot machines. With casinos rampant across Louisiana, and living in a place that is basically sin in a bottle, I’m not surprised to find them in a bar. I love poker and table games, but I loathe slot machines and watching people play them just makes me sad. I don’t have much of an opinion on their existence in Bourbon O Bar.

More importantly (by far), in my opinion, is the cocktail special. Allow me to explain:

Bourbon O Bar have a quarterly rotating cocktail menu, which is of little surprise. That’s normal.

However (and here’s the kicker), they also require each of their bartenders to produce their own special cocktail, one that also changes with every quarter.

So you have a general cocktail menu that changes with the season.

And a bartender specific cocktail that changes with the season. Since there are five bartenders employed there, you get five extra drink choices.

The cocktailss, as you can imagine, are very cool. If you want to check out the individual cocktails, here is the link. Rachel, the bartender with me on the night I visited, makes a mean eggnog with sherry and tequila. They pre-mix a lot of these drinks, which takes away some of the razzle dazzle of watching a bartender put them together, but in a high-volume bar, it only makes sense to save time where you can, so I can’t blame them on this one.

That extra, for me, puts it over the top. Half of that is because I love cocktails so much. The other half, though, is that it holds bartenders there responsible for their craft. If somebody disses your drink, you’ll be forced to either grow or abandon it because it is YOUR creation. That is a terrific concept.

You can also, for those interested, host events here. They have a lounge area with a private bathroom. If you’re having a party, that would be a legit way to go about it. But since I didn’t actually experience that portion of Bourbon O Bar for myself, it doesn’t influence my opinion.

If it was just the slot machines here, the Extras portion of this review would score lowly indeed. Obviously, Bourbon O Bar has some great qualities with the jazz bands, their cocktail selections, the Midas Cup, and others, but those are all “part of the bar” so you would expect to find them there.

But add in the fact that Cheryl holds her bartenders accountable for their own quarterly specialty drinks (which, if you’re keeping up, means they have a speciality cocktail menu WITHIN a specialty cocktail menu) gives my thoughts a bit of a twist.

Extras Score: 7/10
Overall: 9/10

Bourbon O Bar was great. The only mark I really had against it was the atmosphere, and that was only because it doesn’t offer music on Mondays or Tuesdays so I was unable to really give an all-encompassing opinion. When I’m there next week, I’ll attach an update to this post letting you guys know how the music was. However, I did see the bands they had scheduled, and after a bit of googling, I read up on their bios. From the reviews and their fan bases, it looks promising.

If you’re in New Orleans and planning on visiting Bourbon Street, but are looking for a quieter, out of the way place that doesn’t make you want to pull your hair out, Bourbon O Bar is the place. It has my hearty recommendation.

You guys better come visit me!

Jonathan

The post Best of Bourbon Street: Bourbon O Bar appeared first on Jonathan Lenahan.

New Orleans, Here I Come!

Hey, everyone. I don’t have a post ready for today, mostly because I spent my entire day/night in New Orleans. That’s the bad news.

The good news, though, is that I received a job offer from one of New Orleans’ premier cocktail bars, so there is a REALLY good chance that I’ll be moving to New Orleans by the beginning of February.  Which means I’ll basically have access to some of the best bars in the world (literally), while at the same time be able to scout out local watering holes and other famous drinks that I can lend to you via my Friday posts, like one I had yesterday, the Ramos Gin Fizz.

Plus, it’s New Orleans. What better place for a creative person to be, ya’ know?

Anyway, I’m sorry I don’t have anything today. But I’m really excited about this move, and I think it’s going to pay dividends, both creatively speaking and cocktail speaking.

I’ll see everyone on Friday!

Jonathan

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Writers’ Last Words, Part I.

Writers have enough problems to make Dr. House beat us to death with his cane. And with that comes the sort of beauty that the world doesn’t often get a chance to see, along with occasional outright insanity. Below, I’ve listed thirteen writers and their last words, along with the small story that accompanies them.

However, after that, I’ve also given each of their last words a rating anywhere between one through five stars. Now, that rating is entirely subjective, and my only requirements are that it be something I thoroughly enjoy – whether that be because it’s funny, deep, sappy, or anything else. Feel free to disagree with me.

1. Tolstoy: “I love many things, I love all people.”

He said his last words to his eldest son, days after fleeing his mansion and living like an ascetic. Late in his life, he had given away most of his fortune, living true to his Christian values and driving a stake through his marriage.

Rating: Two Stars.

It was nice and sentimental, and totally fit his later personality, but it also bored the hell out of me. I gave him a point for his sweet beard.

2. Thoreau: “Moose. Indian.”

Suffering from tuberculosis, Thoreau was likely suffering from delirium when he said these words. Before this, when asked if he was at peace with God, Thoreau said, “I was not aware that we had quarreled.” And then, “Now comes good sailing.”

Rating: Three stars

At first, I wanted to give him five stars. Because, seriously. Moose? I don’t think that word ever gets repeated in actual conversation unless we’re talking about hunters or history. But, in the end, I had to drop it to three. I loved his few sentences before these two, though.

3. Hunter S. Thompson. “Relax – it won’t hurt.”

Infamous American journalist and author, Thompson was a man with a passion for firearms and all things dangerous. At sixty-seven, finding no joy remaining in his life, he suicided – appropirately, by shooting himself in the head. These phrase was found at the end of his suicide note.

Rating: Four stars

Probably the most simplistic of the last words on this blog post, but perhaps also the most meaningful, depending on how you read it. Is he talking about the physical pain, the pain of the unsureness of life after death, or any number of other things? I’m not sure, but I like it.

4. Lady Mary Wortley Montagu: “It has all been most interesting.”

Rating: Three stars.

I couldn’t find much of a story to back up her words, but considering her well-lived life, I thought she deserved to be included in this first edition. At first, I thought her last words only deserved one star because they sounded cliched, but then I realized they sounded cliched because she had made them so.

5. Voltaire: “Now, now, my good man, this is no time for making enemies.”

All-around badass and original thinker, this was Voltaire’s response to a priest who had asked him to renounce Satan. Talk about sticking to one’s guns, eh?

Rating: Five stars

Why? Because it’s hilarious and he didn’t back down. I like that. A lot. Also, he probably died knowing that the priest in the room was incredibly angry at the response, so I bet he died with a smile on his face.

6. Eugene O’Niell: “I knew it. I knew it. Born in a hotel room, and goddammit, died in a hotel room.”

One of the most gifted playwrights to have ever walked this earth, O’Niell passed away from pneumonia. Parkinson’s had affected him in his declining years, disallowing him from writing in longhand, but he remained witty until the end. His mustache says it all.

Rating: Two stars

I wasn’t really sure how I felt about this one. I feel like reading it doesn’t do it justice, but if I had been there for his death, it might have made a world of difference.

7. Chechov: “It’s been a long time since I drank champagne.”

After an intense night of writing – working on a short story – he called a doctor in, who could do nothing but give him a glass of champagne. After drinking the sparkling beverage, Chechov set it down and died.

Rating: Three stars

One star for originality. Five stars for drink of choice. Take the average.

8. Huxley: “LSD. 100 micrograms I.M.”

A man heavily invested in the use of psychedelics, Huxley wanted to go out on his own terms. From his wife’s letter, he died gently.

Rating: Three stars.

I give it a middling score. What did I like about it? His pinpoint accuracy and sparsity of words. I can just imagine him directing this affair as he lay in bed. What did I dislike? It didn’t strike me in any way.

9. J.M. Barrie: “I can’t sleep.”

Fascinatingly, Barrie gave all the rights (and royalties) of Peter Pan to a hospital charity, who has since used the monies to fund its medical pursuits and various do-goodings.

Rating: Two star

A simple statement of the fact, this one just made me sad.

10. Johann Wolfgang von Goethe: “More light!”

Some attribute this to a plea to enlightenment. The truth, however, is rather less impactful, as he is rumored to really have said, “Do open the shutter of the bedroom so that more light may enter.”

Rating: One star.

If it had been a plea for more knowledge or whatever, that would have gained it a higher rating. However, due to the story about the shutter that I unearthed, it is equivalent to someone turning on the overhead light in a dark room. Meh.

11. Kafka: “Kill me! Or are you a murderer!”

Dying of tuberculosis, Kafka directed these words to a doctor in a last-ditch effort to end his life. Too bad euthanasia hadn’t been around back then, or Kafka might not have died in so much pain.

Rating: Five stars

The only other five star rating on this list, I loved Kafka’s last words. They weren’t meaningful or deep in the slightest, but they were said in an effort to end his agony, and the cleverness of the phrase is just delightful, if you think about it.

12. Elizabeth Barret Browning: “It is most beautiful.”

Said as she died in the presence of her husband when asked how she was feeling. Didn’t really answer the question, but I think he got the idea.

Rating: Two stars

Basically identical to Wortley’s, exact “beautiful” isn’t as good as “interesting.”

13. W. C. Fields: “Goddamn the whole fucking world and everyone in it – except you, Carlotta!”

He said these last words to Carlotta, his mistress, before liver cirrhosis claimed the unapologetic alcoholic. This one is by far my favorite. Unvarnished truth at its finest.

Rating: Four stars

Love it. Curmudgeonly and misanthropic as you can get. I imagine him choking down a cigar after saying it, snubbing it underfoot, then taking a slug of whiskey before death claimed him. Probably entirely fantasy, but what good is an imagination other than to dispute reality?

What did you think? Agree? Disagree? My last words will probably be drowned out by the sound of a bottle popping, so I’ll probably never make a list like this one. But, if I do, I want to go out much like Voltaire did: middle finger up.

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Anti-Heroes: Overrated Or Nah?

 

We all like badasses. Admit it. There’s a secret thrill that runs down your spine when you see one in action. There’s a reason why Wolverine is the number one superhero of all time. That part in X-2, where he gets shot in the forehead? A few seconds pass, Wolverine stands up, pops his neck, then walks away.

As Mac would say, that’s Project Badass worthy.

Getting shot – I imagine – hurts. A lot. Getting shot in the head would hurt worse. Most of us, rightly so, would probably freak out. But he’s Wolverwine, beloved by all for his gruff nature and casual disregard for pain.

Problematically, what makes him so well-liked is exactly what is putting him at risk for becoming overrated.

First off, what the hell is an anti-hero?

Google defines it as such: “a central character in a story, movie, or drama who lacks conventional heroic attributes.”

You ever run across someone – I don’t care where, just in general – who tries to bullshit his way through everything? Ask him his opinion on Alaskan crab fishing, and he’ll have one, despite the fact that he paints houses for a living.

The definition given by Google is basically the painter in disguise. By their view, an anti-hero could be literally anyone as long as they don’t have heroic qualities.

So throw that definition to the fish. Try another.

Urban Dictionary has a definition which includes the phrase “ . . . can therefore be VERY sexy . . . especially if you like bad boys . . . ”

I shit you not. Made my day.

Definitions worth a spit in a bucket are hard to come by. To remedy that, I’m going to give you how I see an anti-hero. It may not be as pretty as the other ones, but I think it’ll be useful for this post.

An anti-hero, in my view, can defined as such: a realistic, normative central figure living with a morally ambiguous perception of the world, and while they sometimes perform heroic acts, it is rarely for heroic reasons.

Heroes are easy to write, comparatively. They have good qualities, even great ones, balanced by smaller negatives. Anti-heroes, conversely, are more negative qualities, balanced by smaller goods.

Ever think about this? The majority of books that feature protagonists are about the standouts among us – the ones who really prove what it is to be a “good” person. Those people are one in a million, but most of our books feature such a character – a hero. At least, they used to. Nowadays, the pendulum is swinging in favor of the anti-hero.

I know, I know. Fiction isn’t real life, so why should we bother inserting reality?

I have an answer! Because it’s relatable. I’m not a great person. You, in all likehood, aren’t a great person either. Morally speaking, that is. It takes a lot of guts and determination and – oftentimes – outright sacrifice to be a good person.

There’s a reason assholes tend to win things over the good guy. And there is a reason that anti-heroes are becoming so prevalent, not only in literature, but in television and movies as well. Deadpool, anyone?

But let’s bring this back around. Do we have too many anti-heroes in our media today? Whatever media. Take Lelouch from Code Geass, Fate Zero’s Kiritsigu, half of Joe Abercrombie’s characters, a slew of George R.R. Martin’s characters, and more. There are a ton of anti-heroes to go around.

Too many?

Have we taken a step too far away from the Superman of heroes?

It’s certainly possible. I, for one, will always prefer anti-heroes to heroes. They just suit me. But – and I think this is important – well-written, authentic heroes provide a refreshing look into fiction’s pages that many books are lacking these days.

Am I wrong? Imagine yourself lying back in a hammock, a mint julep by your right hand, a Kindle White Pages in your left (no, I’m not getting paid to promote jack shit). It’s a balmy sunny day. The kids are gone. The puppy is asleep instead of barking its ass off. It’s a perfect day.

Do you want to read a tale of treachery and darkness and loath and angst and depression? Maybe. I’ve been known to do that a time or five.

But maybe, just maybe, you want a book to match your mood. You want an honest-to-god hero, the kind who makes you want to become a better person, lace up your high-tops and conquer the world.

I get in that mood sometimes. And when I’m in that mood, I want to read about a person better than me.

What do you think? Have we swayed too far to the left, embraced the anti-hero more than we should? Is it time for the hero to reenter the fray? Lemme’ know!

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