Tim Waggoner's Blog, page 8
December 19, 2020
The Anti-Claus
Here's a horror story to fill you with holiday fear . . . I mean cheer. Enjoy!
THE ANTI-CLAUS
BY TIM WAGGONER
Jessica had one bad habit: she always ran late in the morning. She was on time for everything else the rest of the day – never missed a meeting at work, never showed up late for drinks or dinner with friends. But whatever the first thing she had to do in the morning was, she was late for it. Always. She’d tried all kinds of things to break this habit. She went to bed early, set multiple alarms on her phone, got up early, drank stronger coffee in the morning, exercised, ate a good breakfast . . . But nothing helped. It was like her brain was unable to adjust to living by the clock until she was out in the world and doing things.
Today was no exception. She worked as a financial advisor, and she had an appointment with a client at nine a.m. Her Lexus’ dashboard clock told her it was 9:18, and she wasn’t even halfway to work yet. Lila – her supervisor – was going to kill her. Lila had lost patience with her tardiness and she’d taken to recording the precise time of her arrival each day. Jessica thought Lila was creating a paper trail so she’d have the documentation necessary to fire her. But Lila had it in for her for personal reasons, too. She resented the fact that clients preferred to work with her, which was only natural considering what a tight-ass, humorless bitch Lila was.
Rush hour traffic was bad enough, but it didn’t help that today was December 24th, Christmas Eve. The traffic was a nightmare, the streets clogged with vehicles as people rushed around making last minute preparations for tomorrow or heading for the airport to catch a flight to visit family in some other part of the country. Why the hell did people wait until the day before the holiday to get shit done? Why didn’t they –
Jessica saw the crimson flare of brake lights ahead of her, and she jammed her foot down on her own brakes. But she’d been going too fast, had been riding the ass of the car ahead of her, and the front end of her Lexus collided with the back end of the other vehicle with a jarring whump.
Shit! she thought. Shit, shit, shit!
She put her car in park and activated the hazard lights. She checked the rearview mirror to make sure the traffic was giving her car a wide enough berth so she wouldn’t be hit the instant she got out of the car. It looked safe enough, so she opened the door and stepped out into the cold morning air. It was a gray day – cloud cover, but no snow – and a sharp, biting wind was blowing from the east. Jessica wore a light jacket. She hated the way she looked in bulky winter coats, but now she wished she’d dressed for practicality instead of vanity. The wind hit her exposed skin like tiny daggers of ice, and she would’ve killed for a nice thick parka right then.
The car she’d hit was a big beast of a vehicle, a Cadillac, maybe, but there was no metal logo affixed to the back of the car to indicate its make. Maybe the logo had been knocked off in the collision? The vehicle was black, blacker than black, so dark that it seemed to swallow light instead of reflect it. The blackness seemed to pull at her, to demand she keep her gaze fixed on it, to step closer, touch it . . . She took a step forward, raised her hand, but then she realized what she was doing. She squeezed her eyes shut, dropped her arm, and gave her head a quick shake to clear it. When she opened her eyes, the blackness of the car still pulled at her, but not as strongly as before, and she was able to resist it. Shivering – only partially due to the cold – she stepped to the front of her vehicle to assess the damage.
She hadn’t been driving too fast, or else her car’s airbags would’ve activated, and she expected the damage to her Lexus to be relatively minimal. So she was shocked to see the entire front end of her vehicle had been pushed in, as if she’d hit a brick wall going sixty miles per hour.
Fuck, she thought. She’d had the car less than a year. Sure, it had been “certified pre-owned” instead of brand new, but it had been new to her, a symbol of how hard she’d worked and how much she’d accomplished. And now it looked as if that symbol was totaled.
Merry goddamned Christmas, Jessica.
She looked at the black car then and saw that it didn’t have so much as a scratch on it. What the hell was the thing made of? Granite?
She heard a car door open, and she turned to see a man getting out of the front passenger side of the big black car. He was tall and thin, with stick-like limbs that seemed longer than they should’ve been. His head was oddly shaped – kind of like a light bulb with an unkempt mass of dingy gray hair on top – and his neck was so thin Jessica didn’t see how it could possibly support his head. His features were overlarge and prominent – eyes, nose, mouth, and ears bigger than they should’ve been – and he had a mustache and goatee that were the same dishwater-gray as his hair. He was dressed in what she thought of as a mortician’s suit: black jacket, white shirt, black tie, black slacks, black shoes. His clothing wasn’t as dark as his vehicle’s paint job, but it was close.
He started toward her, moving with a surprising grace for a man who was all straight lines and angles, and his light bulb-shaped face broke into a smile, as if he was about to greet a long-lost friend instead of the driver of the car that had rear-ended his vehicle.
“Are you injured?” the man asked as he reached her.
She’d expected his voice to be as strange as the rest of him, but it was a pleasant baritone, the sort of voice a radio or TV announcer might possess.
“No, I’m fine.”
He pursed his lips as if in disappointment.
“Ah, well. Maybe next time.”
She couldn’t believe what he’d said, thought she’d surely misheard, but he continued before she could say anything,
“I apologize for my driver braking so abruptly. His eyesight isn’t what it used to be, and he thought he saw an animal dash across the road in front of us. He has a . . . reluctance to kill an innocent creature.”
He chuckled, as if amused by the notion. He then turned his gaze to the crumpled front end of her Lexus.
“My, my, my. This looks rather serious.”
He bent to examine the front end of her car. After several seconds, he straightened and smiled.
“You can’t drive for shit, can you?”
Jessica’s mouth dropped open in shock. This was followed by quick, hot anger.
“I’m not the one who slammed on the brakes in heavy morning traffic,” she said.
Ignoring her, the man examined his vehicle. He ran long, thin fingers across its trunk, and she thought she heard soft clicking sounds as they moved, as if his hand were a crab skittering across the metal.
“I think you may have actually scratched the paint. You must’ve hit us harder than I thought.” He looked at her, smile widening, revealing crooked, yellow teeth. “Good for you!”
He clapped his hands together as if the slight damage to his car delighted him.
It was then she realized his vehicle had no license plate. She hadn’t noticed in the post-accident confusion. Had the plate been knocked off by the impact of her Lexus striking his car? She didn’t see any place where a plate had been attached to the vehicle, though. Did that mean it had never had one?
The man rubbed his crab hands together.
“So . . . what would you like me to take?”
Jessica stared at him, unable to process his words. She understood them, of course, but she had no idea what they meant.
“I . . .” She frowned. “What?”
The man released a breathy bark of a sound, which she thought might be a laugh.
“My apologies! I should introduce myself. My name is Arland Merriman, and I am the Anti-Claus.”
He extended one of his skeletal hands for her to shake, but when she made no move to touch it, he lowered his hand and continued speaking as if nothing had happened.
“Please don’t feel awkward for never having heard of me. I don’t enjoy the fame of my opposite number.” He leaned forward, as if to impart a secret. “It’s all part of the ‘anti’ thing, you know. He’s famous, I’m anonymous. But don’t worry. I like it that way.”
Jessica was beginning to regret getting out of her car, and she definitely regretted leaving her phone in her purse on the passenger seat. Whoever this odd man was, it was clear there was something wrong with him mentally, and she wanted to call the police.
Merriman went on.
“My opposite has a list and checks it twice, but I only visit with those I meet by chance. Like someone who rams the back of my car on Deprivation Day.”
She looked at him blankly.
“You know it as Christmas Eve. But it’s a special day all its own, I assure you. After midnight, my opposite will begin bringing so-called gifts to the deserving people of the world. Usually useless junk that no one really needs, but which inject a small amount of temporary joy into their otherwise meaningless, empty lives. The universe exists in a state of carefully maintained balance. So if my opposite gives . . .”
He stressed this last word, urging her to complete the thought. She didn’t think she could speak, but she was surprised to hear herself say, “You take.”
“Exactly!” He grinned in delight. “And where my opposite selects what to give you, I give you a choice of what you want to lose.”
He reached into the inner pocket of his jacket, withdrew what looked like a business card, and held it out for Jessica to take. She didn’t move at first, so Merriman took hold of her wrist. She expected his fingers to be ice-cold, but his touch burned and she drew in a hissing breath of pain. Of course he’s the opposite of cold, she thought. He’s the Anti-Claus. He lifted her hand and deposited the card on her palm. She was grateful when he let go of her wrist. The skin still hurt, but it no longer felt as if her flesh was on fire.
She looked down at the card and saw it was blank. She turned it over and saw it was also blank on the other side.
“You have until midnight – when my day ends and his begins – to decide what you’d like me to remove from your life. The only rules are that it must belong to you and you must write the name of it on this card. Either side will do.”
The unreality of this encounter was getting to her, and although on some level of her mind, she knew what was happening was absolutely, undeniably real, she needed to believe that Merriman was crazy, or that this was some kind of elaborate prank. Anything, just so long as she could tell herself that there was no such thing as the Anti-Claus and that the card he’d given her was just a plain, ordinary blank piece of cardstock, nothing more.
She looked into his oversized eyes, which were the same color as his hair and beard, the same color as the overcast sky above, and smiled as if she was in on the joke and intended to play along.
“What happens if midnight comes and I haven’t written anything on the card?”
Merriman’s smile – already wider than a normal person’s – stretched even further until the tender skin at the corners of his mouth split and blood trickled forth.
“Then I choose something of yours to take. And believe me, you don’t want that to happen.”
Jessica’s smile faded and despite her attempt to make herself believe this was nothing but a bizarre practical joke, she felt a hot flush pass through her body. Not a chill, not from the Anti-Claus.
The driver’s door of the large black car opened and a figure emerged. The driver wore a chauffer’s uniform, but while his body appeared human, his head was that of a stag. It lolled to the side, antlers broken and short, tongue protruding from the side of a blood-flecked mouth, eyes milky white.
Like roadkill, she thought. Her stomach lurched, and she thought she was going to vomit.
The driver walked to Merriman, head flopping bonelessly as he came. When he reached his employer, he raised his arm and with the opposite hand – which possessed a hoof instead of fingers – he tapped the face of the wristwatch he wore.
“Ah, yes. Thanks for the reminder, Hobart.”
The hideous thing turned and headed back to the car without saying a word. Jessica was profoundly thankful the creature hadn’t spoken. She didn’t want to hear what sort of voice would issue from the thing’s throat.
“I’m afraid I must take my leave,” Merriman said. “I have many other cards to pass out before midnight, after all. I wish you a most lamentable Deprivation Day, Jessica.” He nodded goodbye, turned, and started walking toward his vehicle. When he reached the front passenger door, he opened it and started to climb inside. But then he stopped and turned back to look at her. “Remember to fill out your card. If you don’t, I’ll be paying you a visit later.”
He grinned so wide this time that the skin of his face tore from the edges of his mouth all the way to his ears. Blood flowed from the wounds, but she could still see his teeth. All of them.
* * * * *
Jessica watched the blacker-than-black car drive away, its engine eerily silent. She then returned to her Lexus, got in, gripped the steering wheel, and sat for several moments, breath coming in rapid huh-huh-huh-huhs, heart keeping time with the rhythm. When she’d calmed down a little, she turned off the car’s hazard lights. She’d left the engine running as she’d spoken to Merriman, and she now put the Lexus in gear and started driving forward. The engine didn’t sound good, and the steering was wonky, but the car moved, and that was all she cared about now.
She’d put the blank card on the passenger seat when she’d gotten in, and she glanced at it quickly, as if to make sure it was still there, still real. It was. She reached over, picked it up, and slipped it into her purse.
If she didn’t want Merriman to pay her a visit later tonight, she had to write something on the card. Something she wanted to be rid of. She didn’t bother telling herself that Merriman and his grotesque driver hadn’t been real, that they’d been hallucinations, that she’d gone crazy. The damage to her car was real enough, and even if Merriman wasn’t the Anti-Claus and no harm would come to her if she didn’t write something on the card, she wasn’t going to chance it. She’d do anything to avoid seeing Merriman and his deer-headed driver again.
Could she write something innocuous on the card? There was a bland painting in the reception area where she worked, a water tower surrounded by bright blue sky and fluffy white clouds. She didn’t like the thing, hated having to look at it whenever she passed through the reception area. Maybe if she wrote Ugly-ass water tower painting in Reception on the card, it wouldn’t be hanging on the wall when she returned to the office after Christmas. She wouldn’t have to see Merriman again, and the workplace would be improved, at least for her.
No, that wouldn’t work. Merriman had said that whatever she chose had to belong to her. She didn’t own the painting. It belonged to the office.
She wracked her brain, trying to come up with something to write on the card, but she couldn’t think of anything. She feared there was some sort of catch to what Merriman had told her, that if she didn’t choose something important enough, he’d come to visit her anyway. Say she wrote My old toaster on the card. She could imagine Merriman coming to her apartment sometime before midnight. He’d knock, she’d open the door, and he’d say something like A toaster? It’s called Deprivation Day, Jessica. Do you think losing a toaster really qualifies as you being deprived?
And then he’d reach for her with his blazing-hot crablike hands, while behind him in the hall, his driver with the dead deer head – Hobart – would let out a wet, snuffling laugh.
She began trembling then, and she continued to do so the rest of the way to work.
* * * * *
“I’m used to you being late, but this is a personal worst for you.”
Lila Robinson was waiting inside Jessica’s office when she’d arrived. She sat at Jessica’s desk, a small notebook open in front of her. She checked the time on her phone and then, using one of Jessica’s pens, she noted the exact time.
Lila was a petite woman in her late fifties, with short brown hair. She wore a bit too much makeup in a futile attempt to make her look a few years younger. She wore a navy-blue blazer over a white blouse, and while Jessica couldn’t see them at the moment, she knew the woman also wore navy-blue slacks and sensible black shoes. She’d never worn a skirt to the office the entire time Jessica had worked here.
She’d considered calling off sick and going home, but she didn’t want to be alone right now, wanted to be around other people. Now she regretted her choice.
“Sorry. I got into an accident on the way here. Slowed me down.”
Her voice was toneless, matter-of-fact. After seeing Merriman and Hobart, Lila didn’t scare her anymore.
Lila seemed put out by Jessica’s lack of reaction to her words. She threw the pen down on the desk, grabbed the notebook, closed it, stood, came out from behind the desk, and walked over to Jessica until they were practically standing nose to nose.
“I’m sorry you were in an accident.” Lila sounded doubtful, as if she didn’t believe Jessica’s story. “But you could’ve called to let us know. Instead you come strolling in over an hour late. Your client got tired of waiting for you and left. I tried to convince him to speak to another of our financial advisors, but he declined. ‘I think I’ll take my business elsewhere,’ he said and then left. This is your last warning, Jessica. If you come in late again, for any reason, I will fire you. Do you understand?”
Jessica had heard every word, but she was so preoccupied by her experience with Merriman that she couldn’t bring herself to care. Lila’s face reddened with anger.
“Aren’t you going to say anything? No? I’m your supervisor, Jessica. The least you could do is give me the courtesy of a response.”
Jessica looked at Lila as if noticing her for the first time since entering the office. She smiled slowly.
“You are, aren’t you?”
Lila frowned. “Are what?”
“My supervisor. Mine.”
Lila took a step back from Jessica, as if disturbed by something she saw on the other woman’s face.
“Just remember what I said.”
She walked past Jessica. She paused at the doorway, glanced back briefly, then left.
Jessica, still smiling, put her purse on top of her desk and sat down. She picked up the pen that Lila had used to record her time of arrival, then reached into her purse to withdraw the blank card Merriman had given her. She placed it on the desk in front of her, held it still with the tips of her fingers, and began to write.
Happy Deprivation Day to me, she thought.
November 25, 2020
Writers' Negative Self-Talk
I have two dachshunds – Lucy and Bentley. Bentley is five years old and is a sweet, lovable goof who gets into trouble quite often. My wife calls him a “menace without malice,” which is an apt description. Lucy is fifteen. She was a rescue when we got her about a decade ago, and her health wasn’t the best at that point. We’ve taken good care of her since then, but she has enough physical issues now that the vet told us last March that she might have as little as two weeks to live. It’s almost December as I write this, and Lucy is still chugging along, acting like a puppy more often than not (although a puppy who gets aches and pains and needs to sleep a lot). Lucy wakes me up at four a.m. every morning, demanding to be fed, and of course, Bentley gets up too. Once I’m up, I’m up, so after the dogs are fed and have returned to bed to cuddle with my wife, I head into my home office to write. The other day I’d been writing from around 5:00 a.m. to 10:00 a.m., when my lack of sleep caught up with me and I began nodding off at my keyboard. When this happens, I have micro-dreams that last only a few seconds until I can force myself awake again. There’s nothing particularly special about these dreams. They consist of strange images and thoughts mostly, stuff that vanishes from my mind the instant I manage to haul myself back to consciousness. But this day, when my eyes closed at one point, in my mind I heard a derisive voice say, Your words are tiny words.
I woke, thought, That was weird, wrote down the sentence in case I might be able to use it sometime, and returned to writing the novel I’m currently working one (another horror/dark fantasy book for Flame Tree Press titled A Hunter Called Night). Unlike my other micro-dreams, I remembered this one, and I thought about it a lot over the next couple days. During the time I dreamed it, I didn’t think the voice was addressing me specifically. It seemed more like it was the voice of a character speaking to another in a story. But the more I thought about it, the more I wondered if the voice wasn’t my old friend self-doubt rearing its ugly head. Your words are small words.
Regardless of what the origin of this phrase was (let alone its true meaning, assuming it had any), it got me thinking about all the negative things that writers and other creatives tell ourselves. “You know,” I said to myself, “there’s probably a blog entry in this.” And lo and behold, I was right.
The first time I remember encountering the idea of negative self-talk as a psychological issue that could be dealt with was when I read Write for Your Life by mystery writer Lawrence Block. In the 80’s, Block and his wife conducted writing seminars around the country, and Write for Your Life was a self-published book he created to go along with the seminar. I’d read about the seminar in Block’s fiction-writing column in Writer’s Digest, but I was a poor college student at that point in my life and couldn’t attend. I desperately wanted to get hold of the book somehow, but there was no Amazon or eBay in those days, and it wasn’t until some years later that I ran across a copy of the book in a Half-Price Books store. (Block has since self-published a new edition of the print book as well as an ebook edition which you can order here: https://www.amazon.com/Write-Your-Life-Lawrence-Block-ebook/dp/B000GCFX9U/ref=sr_1_2?dchild=1&keywords=lawrence+block+write+for+your+life&qid=1606242259&s=books&sr=1-2)
Among the many topics Block discussed in the book was the idea of negative messages that writers regularly tell ourselves, and how they could be countered and overcome by creating an affirmation. For example, if your negative message is My characters are dull two-dimensional caricatures your affirmation might be My characters are well developed and interesting. Once you’ve identified a negative message and created a corresponding affirmation, you write the affirmation down in a notebook (or type it) over and over again. You do this each day, maybe several times a day, and perhaps before each writing session. The idea is to replace the negative message with a positive one. My ex-wife is a psychologist, and when I told her about Block’s idea, she said it was basic cognitive therapy. So I decided to try it.
It took me a while to identify a negative statement (or rather select one since I told myself so many), but eventually I came up with I’m not good enough. It was easy to develop a countering affirmation: I am good enough. And I could capitalize am for good measure. I AM good enough. So I did as Block suggested and wrote my affirmation in a notebook many, many times over the course of several days. Did it help? Hard to say. I remember feeling better after my affirmation-writing sessions, but I don’t recall any specific effect on my writing. (I don’t think it made things worse though – at least I hope so!)
You might give Block’s technique a try and see what it does for you. Identify a negative statement you tell yourself about your writing, create an affirmation to counter it, then write the affirmation a number of times before you start writing as a kind of combination pep talk/warm-up. How many times you write your affirmation is up to you. I suggest at least twenty, but maybe no more than a hundred. Don’t waste your entire writing time for the day writing your affirmation!
During my years of teaching writing, along with my years on social media, I’ve encountered a number of negative things people tell themselves about their writing. Let’s talk about the most common, in no particular order.
My writing isn’t good enough to . . .
There are a lot of ways to fill in the blank here. Good enough for people to read it. Good enough to get published. Good enough to help you land an agent. Good enough to make money. Good enough to win awards. Good enough to be adapted for movies or TV, and so on. This negative thought focuses on the perceived quality of your writing (or what you fear is the lack thereof). Your writing is as good as it’s going to get today, but not as good as it’s going to get tomorrow, assuming you keep writing, learning, and growing as the years go by. You need to peace with the fact that your writing probably will never feel like it’s good enough to you. Terminal dissatisfaction is not only normal for an artist, it’s likely one of the main drives that keeps us producing our work. It’s a given that we will die without achieving all of our goals (unless we’re extremely fortunate), and that’s okay. We need to take our writing as far as we can in the time that we have, and in the end that has to be enough, because that’s all we’re going to get.
People won’t like my writing
This is true – but only if you add the word Some to the beginning of this sentence. There isn’t a single thing in this world that is liked by everyone. Hell, there are probably people who even hate breathing and eating and would stop if they could. And the more limited your writing is in its appeal, the fewer the people that will like it. Just by choosing a genre to write in, you’ve narrowed your audience. Not everyone likes romance, westerns, mysteries, science fiction, fantasy, and even horror (hard to believe about this latter, but it’s true). Then the specific subject matter might not appeal to certain readers. This story takes place on a train? Ugh, I hate trains. And some people might not like the way you told your story. I just can’t get into first-person stories. There’s way too much description in this book. This is too literary. This isn’t literary enough. Writing is, in many ways, nothing but a series of choices, one after the other, and for every choice we make, some people will respond positively, some negatively. We hope more people will like our choices than not, but it’s guaranteed that at least some won’t, and that’s okay. Not everyone likes Italian food, but that doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with the food itself. It’s simply a matter of personal taste. And if people aren’t responding well to your writing because it needs improvement, every day you continue to write will help you improve.
People will think I’m weird
You are weird, and what the hell is wrong with that? Weird to non-writers, anyway. Odds are that to other writers, you’ve perfectly normal. Your family and friends might not understand you. They’re probably not artists, or readers for that matter, and if they do read, they probably don’t read the kind of thing you write. What’s the point of a romance novel? I mean, they all end the same way. We spend a lot of time in our heads (maybe most of the time), and we get excited about stuff that most people don’t. I wrote this really cool descriptive passage this morning, and I debated whether to use a dash or semicolon in one sentence for fifteen minutes, then I said to hell with it and used a colon instead. It worked great!And if you write horror or erotica, people will think you’re a burgeoning serial killer or a ravening sex addict, simply because they don’t understand the difference between imagining something, wanting to do something, and actually doing it in the real world. Whatever. Let people think what they want and forget about them. Being normal sucks anyway.
My writing will get rejected
If you’re doing traditional publishing, you bet it will, and probably a lot (at least when you first start out). If you worked as a salesperson on a car lot, would you expect every potential customer that strolled in to leave with a brand-new vehicle? Of course you wouldn’t. You’d know from your own experience as a buyer of goods that you don’t purchase every item you look at. That doesn’t necessarily mean that there’s anything wrong with the item, only that you’ve determined that – for whatever reason – it doesn’t meet your needs at that moment. Same with editors. It’s not personal. The more your writing improves, the more you continue to send the send piece out to editors or agents, the more familiar you become with specific markets so you can more effectively target your submissions, the fewer rejections you’ll receive. And no matter how advanced your writing career is, you’ll still get them (if not as many). Rejection stinks, but it’s part of the game, and one rejection isn’t an all-encompassing statement on your writing or you as a person.
I won’t get any readers
This fear affects those seeking to publish traditionally as well as those doing indie publishing. Once a story or book is finally out, we worry that no one will read it. The truth is, even bestsellers are read by only a small portion of the human race, because most people on the planet do not read for pleasure. The biggest flop of a movie is seen by millions more people than ever read most books. And there are so many other books out there – including ones written by authors long dead – for readers to choose from, that the odds of one of our books being selected are slim indeed. One thing’s for certain, though: If your book/story/essay/article/poem isn’t published, you are guaranteed to get a sum total of zero readers. The better your work becomes over time and the more you learn about marketing your work, the more readers you’ll get.
No cares about what I write
This is kind of true. No one has an intrinsicreason to care about what you write. You have to give them a reason, have to make them care. You can do this through the genre you select, the specific plot of your story, the characters, the style, the pace of the story, the language you use . . . Use any and all the tools available to writers to give readers a reason to give your work a chance. And (as I keep saying) the more you improve over time, the more readers will be drawn to your work.
My writing will have no impact
In the grand scheme of things, like on a universe-wide scale, nothing anyone does anywhere has any truly meaningful impact (unless you’re a cosmic being like Galactus, I suppose). And what sort of impact do you want your work to have anyway? Do you want it to bring about world peace? Unlikely. But your work can change the life of individual readers, maybe only in some small ways but those ways can be pretty damn important. Maybe a story of yours entertained someone for a bit and gave them a break from something hard that they’re currently going through. Maybe your poem made them feel less alone. Maybe your essay inspired them. Writing and sharing your writing is a community-building act. Making connections with our fellow humans is vital for our species and should never be minimized.
I’m just a hack
None of us are likely going to be the next Shakespeare, but that doesn’t mean our writing is worthless. A hack is someone who cranks out writing as fast as possible so they can get paid. (There are far easier ways to make money, though, so I don’t know why anyone would choose being a hack as a financially sound career.) And so what if you do write fast and do write for money? Your reasons for writing are your own, and it’s okay if you have different reasons for writing different projects at different times. Sometimes I write for art, sometimes for money, sometimes for both. I’m always writing for myself and readers, though, regardless of the particular project I’m focusing on. As long as I choose to write it and I’m enjoying myself (even if I’m just enjoying anticipating a paycheck), it’s all good. Hack is a meaningless term for me. All it does is tell me that the person using it has contempt for other people who make different writing choices than they would (assuming they write at all). Don’t have contempt for yourself.
I’ll never be able to make a living with my writing
It depends on what you mean by living, but in general, you’re probably right. Very few artists in this world make enough money from their art to survive. They usually have day jobs of one kind or another, or they teach writing (like I do), or they write different kinds of writing at different times. Poetry to satisfy their artistic side, tech writing to put food on the table. Don’t listen to anyone telling you that writers who make all their money from their artistic writing are the only real writers. It is possible to live just off your writing money if you live in an area with a low cost of living and live as simply as possible – and if you don’t mind dealing with the stress of your income fluctuating throughout the course of a year, with no way to predict for certain if you’ll be able to pay your bills from one month to the next. I’ve never had a goal solely of making money from my writing. I’d get bored if all I did was one thing (no matter how much I love that thing), and if I struggled to pay bills each month, I’d be so stressed that I’d find it difficult (maybe even impossible) to write. I love teaching, but I have a day job in order to support my writing life, to ensure that I can continue to write without interruption until the day I die. However you want to (or can) arrange your writing life, as long as it works for you, that’s all that matters.
People online will tell me I suck as a writer
I’ve been lucky. I’ve gotten mostly good reviews for my books over the years and good responses from readers on social media. But I’ve had people tell me they didn’t like my work. The best was an anonymous person who sent me an email that read, in all lowercase letters you write badly. I wanted to reply no, i write goodly, but I restrained myself. I read all the reviews I can find of my work because I want to see if I managed to accomplish what I attempted with a given book. I hope to learn from the reviews and improve as a writer. But if people do give your work negative reviews or trolls harass you on social media, do your best to shut them out. Don’t read reviews, block trolls. It’s your choice how much online suckitude you want to put up with, and don’t put up with any that makes it harder for you to write. And for everyone who posts something negative about your writing, they’ll be someone who has something positive to say about it. Focus on those comments. Do whatever works for you to keep you writing.
I’ll never be published
It’s possible. I’ve known people who’ve tried for decades to publish traditionally and have had made little to no headway. But I’ve known far more people who’ve continued working hard and persisted and who did eventually get published, whether in the small press or in mass market. There are no guarantees that you’ll ever get your work published, and if you do, that you’ll continue getting it published. But there are a hell of a lot of venues available to you to help get your work in front of an audience these days, and one way or another, you should be able to find some readers.
I’m just repeating myself
Maybe you’ve been writing and publishing for a while, and you fear that you’re repeated the same kind of characters, plots, and narrative style in your work. You probably are. These a reason why critics laud first novels and often ignore a novelist’s subsequent work. The first one is new and fresh. The follow-ups are often more of the same, and even if they’re good, they are no longer novel (see what I did there?). Part of this is a natural tendency of artists, but a lot of it is due to consumer culture telling you to put out the same product over and over, to brand yourself as a particular type of writer who writes a particular type of book to make your work easier to promote and sell. If you do start repeating yourself, you can purposely try to mix things up in your work – try a different type of story or narrative approach. Figure out what your most commonly used elements are and consciously avoid them in new work. Years ago, I realized that most of my short fiction occurred on two timelines, the past and the present, and I alternated between past and present scenes throughout the story. Once I knew I did this, I stopped using that narrative pattern in my short stories for years, forcing myself to come up with different ways to organize my stories. Now I’ll use the pattern whenever I feel a story needs it, but I’m careful not to fall back on it all the time.
I’ve plateaued and can’t go any further
I’m going to be 57 in March. I recently spoke with an editor friend about ways to possibly take my writing career to the next level, and he described me as a “reasonably successful author.” Nothing wrong with that, but I do fear that’s as far as I’ll be able to take my career, especially given that I’m no spring chicken. Honestly, I’m a little afraid to try to take my career to a higher level. It’s easier to stay where we’re most comfortable in life, where we feel safe. I’m still going to keep trying, but if I were to drop dead tomorrow, I’d be satisfied with the knowledge that I had the courage to chase my dream and I got as far as I did in the time that I had. How much more can any of us hope to get out of life?
I’m writing the wrong stuff
I think this from time to time. My wife says I go through cycles that last around a year, and at the end of each cycle, I start to think that I’m writing the wrong kind of fiction for my career. Why am I writing weird horror for the small press for almost no money? I should focus on writing tie-ins from now on. They won’t make me rich, but at least they pay better advances and have more readers. There’s no way to advance my career by writing tie-ins. I should write in a more popular, mainstream genre, like thrillers. Fuck it, I should just ghost write for money. It’s not like anyone cares what I write about anyway. I’m tired of writing entertainment-based fiction. What I really need to do is focus on producing more artistic, literary work. I’m sick of writing artsy stuff. I think I’d really like to get back to writing my weird small-press horror. That’s what I love doing the most (I think). And so on . . . Each time I reach another shift in the cycle, it’s a huge existential crisis for me. My wife says it’s just me being me, and she’s right. There’s no way to predict what type of writing will be most successful for you. So much of this business is a complete and total crap shoot. I can tell you to write what you love, write for money, write for art’s sake, etc. But there is no wrong stuff to write. There is no right stuff to write. There’s only what you choose to write or feel drawn to write or have contracted to write at any given point in time. Right now I’m writing this blog. And as I told you earlier, I’m also working on A Hunter Called Night.Today I’ve spoken with two different editors, one about breaking me out as a big-name horror writer (perhaps under a pseudonym) and another about doing a horror-focused media tie-in novel. I’ve also applied to work with a ghostwriting firm because I’m curious what that might be like (and also because my wife and I have spent $20,000 on back surgeries for Bentley this year, and there’s a chance he may need additional surgery on down the line, and ghostwriting pays pretty decently). My agent has well over a dozen novel proposals circulating with various publishers, some horror, some fantasy, some science fiction, some cross genre, some artistic-focused, some pure entertainment-focused. All of this is likely at least part of my I Should Be Writing Something Else cycle. I’ve accepted it about myself, and I do my best not to let it tempt me to abandon one project and go chasing off after another. So far, it’s worked fairly well (although there are a number of unfinished short stories on my hard drive that are likely to stay unfinished.)
I’ll never be as good as That Writer
I don’t remember where I first heard this, but I pass it along to writers whenever I can: Envy is the writer’s disease.One way we learn is to compare ourselves and our actions to those of other people. But when we start to compare ourselves negatively to others, that’s when we can get into trouble. It’s too easy to read something wonderful – a book, a paragraph, a single line – and believe that we could write every hour of every day for the rest of our lives and never come close to equaling it. Or we compare our careers to those of other, far more successful writers. There’s no way I’ll ever be as famous, rich, or well-loved as FILL IN THE BLANK. The hell of it is, all of these feelings are true. We’ll never be able to replicate someone else’s work because we can never be someone else. We can only be us. And we can’t replicate someone else’s career because a writing career is fashioned from a lot of elements – talent, hard work, and luck chief among them. We can hone our talent and do our best to work hard, and we can try to put ourselves in a position where we can take advantage of luck when it (hopefully) arrives, but all of this is still no guarantee of any kind of success, let alone multiple New York Times bestseller, multi award-winning, millionaire-level of success. Learn from other writers, but don’t compare yourself negatively to them. Don’t use other writers’ work as a weapon to beat yourself up with.
I should quit writing
I started writing seriously with the intention of making it my life’s work when I was eighteen. As I said earlier, I’m almost 57 now. I’ve traditionally published over 50 novels, seven collections of short stories, and a half dozen or so novellas. I’ve won and been nominated for several awards. How often do I think about quitting writing? Shit, maybe once a month, if not more frequently than that. So far I haven’t quit, although I’ve taken short breaks here and there over the years. I suffer from depression, and thanks to therapy and meds, I handle it pretty well. I know not to give my depression any more power over me than it already has, and I do the same with my feelings that I should quit writing forever. I wait them out the same way I wait for a storm to pass. It might take hours or days, but the sun will come out again eventually. I also know that quitting is so tempting because it’s 100 percent under our control. So many things about a writing career – maybe most things – are beyond our control, but stopping isn’t. And if we blame our writing – or more accurately, our desire to write – for the pain and frustration trying to establish or grow a career is causing us, quitting is our way of striking back at it, making it pay for what it’s done to us. But it’s cutting off our own nose to spite our face. We’ve taken action! We’ve purged our dark emotions! But from now on, we’re going to make a hell of mess when we have a cold and sneeze. I let myself feel whatever feelings I have about my writing whenever I have them, but I know that deep down, my writing is as important and necessary to my existence as breathing. The only reason I would actually quit is if I wanted to hurt myself deeply and kill off a vital part of myself – and I won’t allow myself to do that.
In the end, be good to yourself
In the end, negative self-talk gives power to our fears and insecurities, and it’s a way we self-harm. Regardless of whether you try to use affirmations to counter negative self-talk or not, I think it’s important to identify and come to terms with the negative things we tell ourselves about our writing. By doing so, we’ll recognize them for what they are when we start saying them, and hopefully we’ll be able to prevent them from keeping us from doing what we love: getting our words down on the page for others to enjoy.
DEPARTMENT OF SHAMELESS SELF-PROMOTION
Website Update
I’ve updated the Interviews section on my website with links to articles on writing I’ve recently published, as well as new podcast appearances and other interviews. You can check them out here: https://timwaggoner.com/interviews.htm
Your Turn to Suffer
My next horror novel from Flame Tree Press, Your Turn to Suffer, comes out March 23rd and is available for preorder.
Lorelei Palumbo is harassed by a sinister group calling themselves The Cabal. They accuse her of having committed unspeakable crimes in the past, and now she must pay. The Cabal begins taking her life apart one piece at a time – her job, her health, the people she loves – and she must try to figure out what The Cabal thinks she’s done if she’s to have any hope of answering their charges and salvaging her life.
Amazon Hardback: https://www.amazon.com/Your-Suffer-Fiction-Without-Frontiers/dp/1787585182/ref=tmm_hrd_title_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr=
Amazon Paperback: Link still to come.
Amazon Kindle: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B08CVSNW16/ref=dbs_a_def_rwt_hsch_vapi_tkin_p1_i0
Barnes and Noble Hardback: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/your-turn-to-suffer-tim-waggoner/1137330372?ean=9781787585188
Barnes and Noble Paperback: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/your-turn-to-suffer-tim-waggoner/1137330372?ean=9781787585164
Barnes and Noble Nook: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/your-turn-to-suffer-tim-waggoner/1137330372?ean=9781787585201
Flame Tree Press: https://www.flametreepublishing.com/your-turn-to-suffer-isbn-9781787585201.html
Wendigo Tales Vol. 1
My novella, Raiders of the Poisoned Planes, appears in this hardcover anthology. It features stories set in the various Deadlands RPG worlds. My story takes place in the Deadlands: Hell on Earth setting. It’s a weird western yarn in a post-apocalyptic America.
Amazon Hardcover: https://www.amazon.com/Wendigo-Tales-One-Adventure-S2P93003/dp/1950082342/ref=sr_1_2?dchild=1&keywords=pinnacle+entertainment&qid=1606348709&s=books&sr=1-2
Pinnacle Entertainment: https://www.peginc.com/store/wendigo-tales-volume-one/
Award News
My novella Some Kind of Monster and my how-to-write horror manual Writing in the Dark have both gotten some recommendations for the Bram Stoker Awards. This is just the first step in getting onto the final ballot, but it’s still exciting. Here are links if you’d like to check out either book:
Some Kind of Monster
Apex Book Company
All formats: https://www.apexbookcompany.com/products/some-kind-of-monster?variant=34275237855369
Nook Book: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/some-kind-of-monster-tim-waggoner/1137349308?ean=2940162841401
B&N Paperback: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/some-kind-of-monster-tim-waggoner/1137349308?ean=9781937009823
Writing in the Dark
Want to learn how to write horror or improve the horror you already write? Then this book’s for you!
Raw Dog Screaming Press
Both hardcover and paperback: http://rawdogscreaming.com/books/writing-in-the-dark/
Amazon
Barnes and Noble
Hardcover: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/writing-in-the-dark-tim-waggoner/1137057460?ean=9781947879232
Paperback: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/writing-in-the-dark-tim-waggoner/1137057460?ean=9781947879195
Social Media Links
Want to follow me on social media? Here’s where you can find me:
Twitter: @timwaggoner
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/tim.waggoner.9
Instagram: tim.waggoner.scribe
YouTube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCZEz6_ALPrV3tdC0V3peKNw
If you’d like to subscribe to my newsletter – where I give writing and publishing tips along with all the latest, greatest Tim Waggoner news you could ever want – you can do so by signing up here: http://timwaggoner.com/contact.htm
October 9, 2020
Writers: Should You Talk About Politics Online?
Election Day is less than a month away in the U.S., and if everything goes as planned – a dicey proposition at best here in the Hellscape of 2020 – I’ll be heading downtown this afternoon to cast my ballot early. (UPDATE: It’s several hours later, and my civic duty was successfully accomplished! Take that, Forces of Darkness!) Social media has always been filled with political commentary from professionals and amateurs alike, but there’s been more of it over the last few years. A lot more. No surprise given the maniacal clusterfuck the U.S. government has become. There are voices calling for greater awareness of issues affecting women, BIPOC, and people in the LGBTQ+ community. Voices urging change. And among all these voices, you hear some writers calling for their colleagues to use their social media platforms to help bring about that change. These writers tell us that it’s our moral responsibility to speak out, that “Silence equals complicity.”
If you don’t give a damn about helping to make the world a better place, if you only care about promoting yourself and your work on social media, and to hell with everything and everyone else, then you don’t need to read any further. But if you do believe that the world is, not to put too fine a point on it, a fucking mess, and you want to do something, anything to help, will devoting a significant portion of your online presence to social media activism really accomplish much? And will sharing your beliefs result in you potentially alienating readers and losing sales, perhaps tanking your writing career? What should you do – speak out, stay quiet, something in between? (I don’t know what in between would be. Whispering about politics? Typing political comments in all lowercase letters?)
Before we go any farther, here’s where I’m coming from in terms of politics and social issues. I believe the Green New Deal, free healthcare for all, free college for all, etc., will make the U.S. a better place, but it will take some time for the country as a whole to get behind those changes to bring them into being. I think police reform is badly needed. I believe sexism, racism, homophobia, transphobia, ableism, ageism – basically, any belief system that views any human as lesser than and treats them as such – is evil and needs to be eradicated, through both education and legislation. At this point, I believe that anyone who supports the current incarnation of the Republican party – not to mention Trump – whether knowingly or through ignorance is betraying what America is supposed to stand for. Trumpers would view me as raging antifa liberal, while the extreme left would view me as a useless corporate-brainwashed moderate. Keep all this in mind as I go on. It’s the lens through which I view the topic of writers taking political action on social media.
Several years ago, I became swayed by arguments that if someone – in my case, a writer – had any kind of platform, it was their responsibility to use that platform to help make the world a better place. While I was on Twitter and Instagram back then, I mostly hung out on Facebook, and I began expressing my political views and support for various causes – especially ones connected to horror, fantasy, and science fiction, such as calling for the World Fantasy Award, which had originally been created to resemble the undeniably racist author H.P. Lovecraft, to be redesigned. I was mindful of the social media marketing axiom that you should post three non-sales messages for every sales message you post in order not to drive readers away from your account. I decided to do the same with political statements so my social media presence wasn’t all politics, all the time. If I’d been a professional political commentator, it would’ve been a different story. People would have presumably followed me on social media becauseof my political content. But I’m a horror writer and teacher of writing, and I was mindful that people followed me for those reasons. They weren’t coming to me looking to consume political content, and I knew they didn’t want to be force fed it. So I did my best to strike a balance.
As time went by, I began to understand some things about making political statements on social media. Some of this I learned through observation of the responses to my own posts as well as the posts of others. Some I learned because people took the time to reach out to me in private messages and explain things to me.
· I was preaching to the choir. The vast majority of people following me on social media were like-minded individuals, and if they weren’t, they stopped following me. So when I made a political post, I would get a lot of likes and supportive comments from people who believed exactly as I did. While that felt good, it didn’t do any actual good. I wasn’t getting anyone to think; I wasn’t changing anyone’s minds. (At least, there was no indication that I was.)
· It would’ve been different if I was a famous author. Famous people have thousands (sometimes thousands upon thousands) of followers on social media. Famous writers may not have as many followers as someone like Taylor Swift, but they have a hell of lot more than I do. Their social media voice has a much farther reach than most of ours, and because of that, their messages are more likely to reach beyond the echo chamber that most of us dwell in on social media.
· People wanted to argue for its own sake. During those rare occasions when someone with a different political viewpoint commented on one of my posts, it wasn’t to open a dialogue. It was to argue for the sheer aggressive fun of it. I wasn’t changing anyone’s mind – not even close.
· Courting controversy gave a platform to negative voices. If I wrote a post about why it’s important to boost women in horror, for example, if anyone who strongly disagreed with me posted in return, I was inadvertently boosting their voice and giving their views a larger platform. I never would’ve realized this was happening if people hadn’t privately messaged me to explain the situation. To put it metaphorically, stirring up shit creates a stink and draws flies, and the buzzing of those flies eventually becomes so loud that it drowns out all other sound – including the voices of those I’d hoped to bring more attention to.
So what are some ways to effectively work for political and social change on social media? I doubt you’ll be surprised to learn I have a few thoughts on the matter.
· Beware Cis Het White Male Savior Complex. First off, if you are a cis het white male, be mindful that you don’t mansplain or come across as patronizing whenever you address political or social issues – and the people affected by them – online. It’s far too easy to believe, even subconsciously, that you’re a white knight (see what I did there?) riding to the rescue. You’re not a hero, you don’t know everything there is to know about politics, and you don’t know more about certain issues than people who’ve lived with those issues all their lives do.
· Of course, you don’t have to say anything political on social media. Your social media platform is yours and you can use it however you want. If you’re a private person or are uncomfortable discussing political matters in a public space, that’s okay. Or maybe being confrontational isn’t part of your personality. That’s okay too. Sure, there’s an argument (and a strong one) to be made that it’s a privilege to be able to sit out the struggle for social justice. I’m a straight cis white man. I don’t need to fight daily to try to create a world where I am considered a full, complete person with all the rights and opportunities thereof. I was born with those things. I can do my own thing and say to hell with everyone else the rest of my life and get by just fine. But if I can use my privilege to help others in any way, I want to.
· But if you want to talk about politics on social media, go for it. Ifyou do want to help make the world a better place, talk about politics and social issues on Facebook, Twitter, in your blog, and interviews all you want. For every reader you lose because of it, you’ll gain others who share your views. How much actual good will you bring into the world because of all this talk? There’s no way to know. But if this is how you want to attempt to foster change, then do it.
· Don’t let anyone bully you into using your social media platform the way they think you should use it. There are a lot of people online who are only too eager to tell you how you should use your social media presence to achieve what they view are important goals. Some of these people will be so dedicated to their beliefs that they will attempt to pressure you into being more political on social media. There’s no harm in considering someone’s suggestions, but if someone’s trying to bully you – even if it seems to be for a good cause – fuck ‘em. Bullies are bullies. You do you.
· Don’t get swept up in a social media frenzy. It’s all too easy to learn about something awful – like a writer who’s sexually harassed many people in the horror community, to reference a recent example – and immediately be tempted to pronounce judgment (or more likely accept the judgment others are already making). If I run across an incident like this, I feel the urge to post right away, but I restrain myself until I’ve learned more about the situation. I may not wait long, maybe a day or so. When incidents like this occur, information flies fast and furious on social media, and you can learn a lot in a relatively short time to help you make up your mind. But if you feel you don’t know enough to render an opinion, if you’re unsure of who to support, wait until you feel you do know enough and are sure.
· Don’t make political/social issue posts about you. When I talk about political and social issues online, I do my best to make sure I don’t turn the focus on me. For example, I firmly believe black lives matter, but I don’t want to draw attention away from the voices of black folks who are directly affected by the issue, who live it. My role is to lend support, not to take over the conversation.
· Learn to listen first. Instead of posting all over the damn Internet about an issue like I’m some kind of goddamned expert, I do my best to listen to the voices of people who are experts because they live the issue day in and day out. For example, I believe transwomen are women and transmen are men. I also believe gender and gender expression are social constructs separate from biological sex. Just because I believe these things doesn’t make me an authority on all things trans and gender-related. I don’t try to teach people about others’ issues because I know that I’ll never understand enough to do so. I’ll never have direct, earned experience in these areas, and because of this, I try to support those who do and learn from them.
· It’s more effective to work for change IRL than merely to call for change online. This is the most important thing I’ve learned about working for social and political change. Basically, it boils down to talk is cheap, or maybe money talks and bullshit walks. I learned this from some good people who took the time to talk to me in private messages on social media. They gently let me know that while it was nice that I made a post about how women horror writers should be lifted up, for example, but that SAYING they should be lifted up was nowhere close to ACTUALLY lifting them up. (Especially when I was, as I said above, preaching to the choir.) I felt like a fucking idiot. I mean, it’s so obvious, right? But I’m a writer, and I’m used to using words to accomplish my goals. But words aren’t enough. I’ve always helped other writers, but now I make much stronger efforts to help writers from marginalized populations
· Signal boost other voices – without commentary. One of the things I try to do is boost the voices of writers from marginalized groups by sharing their posts. But in order for their voices to come through strong and clear, I need to keep my own mouth shut. (See my earlier suggestion about not making posts about you.) My job is to help these voices reach a wider audience, not to insert myself into their message.
· Mentor. I’ve always mentored other writers, whether formally through classes or the HWA’s Mentor Program, or informally by answering questions via email, private message, or IRL at cons. But over the last few years, I’ve made more of an effort to mentor folks from marginalized populations. (I include women in this group since they still don’t have a fully equal position in society with men.) If I see someone from a marginalized population mention on social media that they have a question or problem, or they’re in need of a mentor, I’ll reach out to them. I’ll offer to blurb their books too.
· Help people make connections. I also try to connect writers from marginalized populations with various opportunities – submission calls, conference appearances, introducing them to editors, etc. I can’t guarantee those connections will pan out for writers, but at least I can help get them a shot.
· Express your political and social views in your work. I believe the most effective way to speak to people about your beliefs is to do so through your work. Nobody wants to be lectured or preached at, but if you aren’t didactic about it, you can explore themes in your writing that reflect your values and deliver the message you’d like to give the world. For example, in my novel The Forever House, one of the themes is that people, regardless of their different backgrounds and beliefs, need to work together if they’re to have any hope of survival. I firmly believe that what unites us is more important than what divides us, but rather than tell readers this, I tried to show it through my characters and the events of my story. An extreme right winger might look askance at this idea if it was expressed directly. People working together for mutual benefit? Why, that’s, that’s . . . SOCIALISM! But if that person read my book, they might find themselves agreeing with the concept, not only because I didn’t present it in explicitly political terms, but because I presented it on a relatable, concrete, human level rather than as an abstract concept.
· White people, don’t @ me. If you’re a cis het white male – and you’ve read this far, you might be thinking, But what about us poor Caucasian boys? Why won’t he help us? Don’t worry. I help white guys too. I just make an effort to ensure I don’t help white men only. And you know what? Even if I did help writers from marginalized communities only, so fucking what? I would just be trying to help level a playing field that isn’t level at the moment, and in fact never has been.
David Sinclair, the man who founded the college where I teach (and which bears his name), had a motto that the faculty and staff still believe in: Find the need and endeavor to meet it. That’s all I’m trying to do. And hopefully, I’ve given you some ideas on how you can too.
DEPARTMENT OF SHAMELESS SELF-PROMOTION
NIGHT TERRORS NEW EDITION
When you dream, you visit the Maelstrom. Dream long enough and hard enough, and your dreams can break through into the living world.
So can your nightmares.
And who's there to catch the dreams and nightmares as they fall into reality?
Meet the Shadow Watch. Pray you never need them. . .
My novel Night Terrors is being rereleased by Angry Robot Books with a new cover in trade paperback format. If it sells well enough, maybe they’ll also bring out a new edition of the sequel, Dream Stalkers. Better yet, maybe they’ll commission some new books in the series. If you’d like to see more adventures of Shadow Watch agent Audra and her nightmare clown partner Mr. Jinx, spread the word about the new edition! The book will be out on October 13th, and you can purchase it here:
Barnes and Noble: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/night-terrors-tim-waggoner/1116930120?ean=9780857669001
WRITING IN THE DARK: THE BOOK
SOME KIND OF MONSTER NOW AVAILABLE
Some Kind of Monster, my new novella from Apex Publishing, is now out! Here’s the synopsis:
Throughout her life, Angie has lost loved ones to stupid, meaningless deaths. As an adult she begins researching urban legends, hoping to find proof that something exists beyond our mundane world. Is there magic? Is there an existence beyond this life? Is there any kind of meaning to it all even if that meaning is a dark one? In the end, Angie will get her answer, and she'll learn that reality isn't just darker than she thinks: It's some kind of monster.
“Tim Waggoner manages to pack all the trappings of a full-size psychological horror into a sleek novella. Not one word wasted.” – Mother Horror
Order Links forSome Kind of Monster
Apex Book Company
All formats: https://www.apexbookcompany.com/products/some-kind-of-monster?variant=34275237855369
Amazon
Barnes and Noble
NOOK Book: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/some-kind-of-monster-tim-waggoner/1137349308?ean=2940162841401
B&N Paperback: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/some-kind-of-monster-tim-waggoner/1137349308?ean=9781937009823
YOUR TURN TO SUFFER AVAILABLE FOR PREORDER
My next book from Flame Tree Press, Your Turn to Suffer, is now available for preorder at Amazon and Barnes and Noble. The book’s due out March 23, 2021. Here’s the synopsis:
Lorelei Palumbo is harassed by a sinister group calling themselves The Cabal. They accuse her of having committed unspeakable crimes in the past, and now she must pay. The Cabal begins taking her life apart one piece at a time – her job, her health, the people she loves – and she must try to figure out what The Cabal thinks she’s done if she’s to have any hope of answering their charges and salvaging her life.
Preorder Links for Your Turn to Suffer
Amazon
Barnes and Noble
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September 8, 2020
Lessons Learned
My book on writing horror, Writing in the Dark (named after my blog), will be officially released on Sept. 16thin three glorious editions – hardback, paperback, and ebook. (You can find ordering information after this post.)
I always write a blog post whenever I have a new book come out, and this time I wanted to write about a topic that would complement Writing in the Darkwithout treading the same ground. Eventually, I decided to talk about the most important writing and publishing lessons I’ve learned, whether from teachers, colleagues, students, or my own lived experience. Once that decision was made, I started jotting down notes, and the content poured out of me quickly. All of the lessons I’m going to discuss are ones that have stayed with me over the years, so much so that I didn’t have to sit around racking my brain to try to come up with material to write about. Some of these lessons I’ve covered before in past blogs or in classrooms and workshops I’ve taught, and a few appear in Writing in the Dark as well. But some I’ve never written about before, and some I’ve never discussed with anyone until now. So if you’re a regular reader of my blog, hopefully you’ll still find plenty of new stuff here. What follows isn’t an essay, but rather a list of lessons, and there’s no particular rhyme or reason to how I organized it. You’ll get the lessons in the same random order that they came to me when I started brainstorming. Some of these lessons were life-changing, some of less so, but all of them were – and remain – important to my development as a writer, and I hope you’ll find something of value here.
Let’s get started.
· When I was an undergrad, I majored in theater education with a minor in English, but I already knew I wanted to be a writer. I wrote a play that was highly derivative of The Rocky Horror Picture Show, including lyrics (but no music.) I called it Dementia Praecox, and with more than a little trepidation, I asked my acting professor, Dr. Jeffrey Huberman, if he’d read it and give me feedback. Dr. Huberman was one of the toughest – and best – teachers that I’ve ever had, and I was really worried that he was going to hate my play, but I also really valued his opinion, so I waited anxiously for him to read it. He eventually did, and then asked me to come to his office to discuss it. At one point in our discussion, he referred to a stage direction I’d written that said, in part Standard horror shit. I was afraid he was going to object to the word shit, which I realized at that moment wasn’t exactly professional. But what he objected to was the word “standard.” “Why write standard anything?” he asked. “Write something original, something different, something you.” That advice sank deep inside me, and I’ve done my best to not write standard anything ever since.
· Several years earlier, during my sophomore year in high school, I took my very first creative writing class with Mrs. Vagedes. I wrote a story called “The Last Christmas Elf,” and she thought it was so good she decided to read it to the class. She said she wouldn’t say who wrote it, not unless the person wanted her to. I knew I should claim the story as mine, but I couldn’t bring myself to. Partly because I was fifteen and filled with social anxiety, but also because I was a weird smart kid who sometimes got made fun of for being weird and smart by other kids in the small town where I grew up, and I didn’t want anyone to sneer at me and call me a “brain.” I learned a couple things from this experience. One was that I should be proud of my work and accept it when people had nice things to say about it and want to honor it somehow, whether with a compliment, a positive review, an award, whatever. (I’m still working on this. I have a hard time knowing how to respond when someone praises my writing, especially when they do so face to face.) But I also learned that in many ways, it didn’t matter that I’d written the story. The story existed on its own at that point, and I could still take pride in it, still be gratified that people enjoyed it, regardless if they knew it was my story or not. Stephen King often says, “It’s the tale, not the person who tells it” that’s truly important, and in the end, I have to agree.
· This experience also led to my first time being interviewed as an author. A local free weekly paper wanted to run a story on my having been named the high school writer of the month. The reporter wanted to meet at her house (I can’t imagine anyone wanting to do that today), and since it was such an important occasion, I wore a three-piece suit and tie. During the interview, I tried to sound as intelligent as I could, and of course I came off sounding stiff and phony. (The interviewer made me sound good in print, though!) From this, I learned not to try too hard in interviews and to do my best to just be myself, although perhaps the best version of myself. I’ve been interviewed many, many times since – maybe hundreds of times by this point – but I’ve never forgotten the lesson I learned from that first time. And I’ve never worn a suit to be interviewed since!
· As I was learning to be a writer and a teacher of creative writing, I read a lot of how-to-write books. One that I read (sometime in the 1990’s) was Practical Tips for Writing Popular Fiction by Robyn Carr. In the preface, Carr wrote that if readers didn’t follow her advice exactly, they would never be published writers. I knew that was bullshit, so I closed the book and threw it away. It’s one of only two books I’ve ever thrown away. (The other was a biography of Rod Serling that I bought used, and in which someone had literally filled the margins of every page with notes arguing with the author’s assertions about anything and everything. I figure the world didn’t need to be subjected to that nonsense, so I tossed the book and purchased a new edition.) There is no one way to do anything when it comes to the arts, and anyone who tells you otherwise is an idiot or has very limited experience regarding the many different paths writers take to publication. A writer of how-to advice should be confident in the knowledge they have to share, but not so arrogant as to think their point of view is the be all, end all. That’s why I included mini-interviews with 89 other writers in Writing in the Dark – to make sure readers got to hear voices other than mine. (Although here in 2020, I think maybe I might’ve been too hasty to bail on Carr’s book. Considering that she’s an eleven-time #1 New York Times bestselling author, she must be doing something right!)
· I’ve told this next story many times over the years. During my freshman year in college, students were required to take two composition courses. I tested out of the first one, and after I finished the second, the instructor – a TA named Pam Doyle – had a final conference with students. During our conference, Pam urged me to “take your writing as far as you can.” This remains one of the most important pieces of writing advice I’ve ever received, and it’s a 100% achievable goal. Anyone can take their writing as far as they can, and the advice has no end point. Pam didn’t tell me to publish a novel or have a bestseller or make a million dollars or win tons of awards. She told to keep writing and improving my writing throughout my life. What better advice for a writer is there?
· In grad school, I wrote a short story about two young friends, one of whom drowns in a lake. The dead boy used to make up stories about a monster in the lake, and after his death, he reappears to his friend as this monster, as a way of saying goodbye. When I told a fellow student about my story, he asked me where it was set. I told him it didn’t matter, that the story was about the two boys, and the lake could be anywhere. Not giving a specific location made it more mythic, like something out of a folktale. My friend told me I had to specify a location because I was an American writer and “All American writers are regionalists.” I told him to read the story. He did, and he agreed that the specific location of the lake wasn’t important and that the story might be more effective for not specifying the location. From this, I learned that writers are given a lot of rules to follow – especially in college lit classes – and they have to be careful to not take these rules too seriously. I tell my students that there is only one real rule in writing: you have to use symbols to express ideas. After that, everything is custom and tradition, techniques that in general work for most readers most of the time.
· In my late twenties, I had a critique partner who was one of my friends in college. At the time we lived in different states, and in those pre-email days we swapped printed manuscripts via street mail. I also was fortunate to get into a writing group that had several professional writers in it, including fantasy author Dennis L. McKiernan and science fiction writer Lois McMaster Bujold. I wrote a story called “Mr. Punch,” which I consider the first true Tim Waggoner horror story I ever wrote. It had a very surreal, symbolic ending, and when I shared the story with my writing group and my critique buddy, none of them liked the ending. They all thought it should be clearer. I tried rewriting the ending, but every alternate version I came up with felt wrong. I decided to stick with my guns and keep my original ending, for better or worse. “Mr. Punch” became my first professionally published story – appearing in the horror anthology Young Blood – and it received my first honorable mention from Ellen Datlow in The Year’s Best Fantasy and Horror. From this experience, I learned that while it’s important not to dismiss feedback outright, it can be even more important to be true to your art.
· Sometime in my thirties, I was one of the faculty at the Antioch Writers’ Workshop. One day during a lunch break, the literary writer Clint McCowan said to me that “All fiction is mystery.” He wasn’t speaking of the genre of mystery but rather that people read to learn what happens next, who the characters are, who they are becoming, how they are affected by the challenges they face, and so on. Four words – All fiction is mystery – but they say everything about why readers read and how writers should tell their stories.
· Over several decades of publishing my writing, I’ve learned that people don’t change their reading tastes just because they love you. Almost no one in my family reads the stuff I write, although they’re all very supportive of me and my work. My wife doesn’t like to read scary stuff, but she’ll read my fantasy stories. My daughters, while proud of me, don’t read my stories. To them, my writing is just Dad’s work. My own dad has always been a voracious reader, mostly of science fiction and military adventure. I don’t think he’s ever read a single word I’ve written. My brother is my best friend, and he’s read only a few of my novels. Hopefully, the people in your life are loving and supportive of you and your writing, but don’t expect them to become fans of horror or romance or literary fiction or whatever you write just because they love you. Sure, it’s kind of a bummer sometimes, but I’ve spent my entire life loving all kinds of weird stuff that most people don’t care about, so I’m used to it. Plus, knowing my family doesn’t read my work frees me to write whatever I want without any fear that there will be repercussions in my relationships. You’ll find like-minded weirdos out there in the world, and they’ll become your artistic family.
· A few years back, I attended a show by magician David Copperfield. As I watched him perform, I knew that the illusions he created were, at their core, simple. What made them seem magical was the way he performed them. I thought of how the same thing applies to any art. We don’t create products for our audience – we create experiences. The best fiction writers know this, whether consciously or not. So don’t just be a writer; strive to be a magician as well. Give readers an experience they’ll never forget.
· People want horror writers to be weird, and they’re disappointed when they find out we’re no weirder than anyone else. Or at least, not as weird as they hoped we’d be. People who aren’t artists are fascinated by the artistic imagination, and they like to get as close to it as they can. If someone writes stories that have some sort of edge to them – such as horror, crime, and erotica – readers think that by getting to know us, they’re taking a walk on the wild side, that they’re flirting with a dangerous mind. (In reality, it’s more like a walk on the mild side.) I’ve experienced this enough over the years that I do my best not to be dismissive when someone asks a probing questioned designed to reveal the true darkness that dwells within me, but I also don’t play into the image of a horror writer that they’ve created for themselves. I do sometimes make a joke or a comment that has a bit of a dark edge to it, however. People come to us to be entertained, after all, and it can be fun to play “horror writer,” just so long as you don’t get carried away and start chopping people into pieces and hiding the parts beneath the floorboards of your house. That shit starts to smell after a while.
· I’ve had three agents over the years, and my second agent once told me that writers should “write what burns in their gut’ because that will create your best work and your best work is what will have the greatest chance at selling to editors and readers. Over the years, I’ve done my best to explore the things I feel most passionate about. How do we make meaning in a universe that’s designed solely to devour itself? How do we deal with the darkness within us? How can we overcome what divides us? These have all become themes in my work. So do a gut check to see what you feel strongest about, and remember that whatever it is, you can explore it through the lens of any genre. I choose horror and dark fantasy. You might choose mystery or western or mainstream/literary. Whatever works best for you.
· I learned a couple things from sitting on convention panels with SF/F writer Mike Stackpole. Like myself, Mike’s written a good deal of tie-in fiction, and someone in the audience asked him if he approached his original fiction differently than his tie-in work. Mike said that as long as a book has his name on it, it’s his book, regardless of whether he created the original property or not, and he does the very best job he can on it. I adopted his attitude, so no matter what I write, who I write it for, how many people will see it, or how much I get paid for it, it’s all my work, and I do the very best job I’m capable of at that time.
· Something else I learned from Mike: Once on a panel, he spoke about how it’s important to distill the most important elements of your setting/world into a few basic concepts that you need to introduce to the reader relatively early on in a novel. For example, he said that in Battletech fiction, the three most important things readers need to know is that in that universe the galaxy is ruled by families of nobles, they fly dropships, and fight battles in suits of mech armor. And as long as you introduce these concepts somewhere within the book’s first hundred pages, you can write whatever kind of story you want in that setting. He was speaking of a technique for writing tie-in fiction, but I think it can work well for any type of fiction, and it’s a wonderful way to remind writers not to get bogged down in unnecessary detail. For example, what do you need to know to tell a story in the Hellraiser universe? There’s a magic puzzle box. If you solve it, you summon otherworldly S&M gods/demons. If you don’t escape them, they will claim you, take you to their netherworld, and torture you for all eternity. That’s it. You don’t need to stick to just three things, but the fewer elements you focus on, the better, I think.
· Years ago, Barnes and Noble put out an anthology of flash fiction titled Horrors! 365 Scary Stories. It was originally going to be called A Horror a Day, and the concept was that each story was so short you could easily read one a day for an entire year. Marty Greenberg was the editor, and he put out a call for submissions. Each story was to be no more than 750 words long, and of course it had to be in the horror genre. And because he needed so many stories, he was open to buying more than one from an individual author. I ended up selling him nine stories for the anthology. One of these stories was “Daddy,” about a new father who realizes his baby is literally draining his energy, that this is what all babies do to their parents. At first he sees the baby as a monster, but he comes to realize that the cycle of life going from parent to child is ultimately normal, natural, and good. (Can you tell I was a new father at the time I wrote this?) I’d already written the story but not sold it when Marty put out his call for submissions. The story was fourteen pages long, and when I reread it, I realized I could cut the first eleven pages and the last scene – which was around 750 words – could stand as a story by itself. I had to do very little revision to make the shorter version work, and Marty accepted it for the anthology. From this experience, I learned just how much unnecessary build-up we often write for our stories, and how much better they can be if we focus on the core concept/imagery and get to it as soon as possible. It also taught me to, especially when it comes to short stories, begin as close to the end as possible.
· One year at a convention, I was talking with the writer John Vornholt. He told me about a recent novel he’d finished, one that had had an extremely short deadline. When he’d first signed the contract, he’d asked his agent how he was going to be able to get the book done in time, and his agent said, “When you’re up, you’re working.” I’ve had some short deadlines for novels myself, and I’ve used this maxim to help me get them written and submitted in time. I wouldn’t recommend this technique as a way to write normally. You’ll end up burning yourself out and wrecking your health. But in the short term, it works.
· Years ago at a convention (seems like I’ve picked up a lot of good stuff at cons over the years, doesn’t it?), I was talking with author Christie Golden’s husband in the hall outside a room where she was doing a panel. He said that one of the things that had surprised Christie – who by this point had published several novels – was that writing and publishing hadn’t gotten any easier as time went on. Just because you’ve published a few books doesn’t mean that you’ve got it made and you can coast for the rest of your career. You have to keep working, improving, and striving, and you need to learn to weather the ups and downs of a writing career if you hope to have a long one.
· At yet another con, I heard science fiction writer Mike Resnick say during a reading that “I never argue with readers’ opinions of my work.” I thought this was excellent advice, for several reasons. One is the word opinions. A reader’s response isn’t an all-encompassing final judgment on your work and your abilities as a writer. It’s simply one person’s reaction to something you’ve written. Another reason this is great advice is the word argue. How can you argue with someone’s response to your fiction? How can you tell them they didn’t have the correct response? They had the response they had, and that’s that. Plus, arguing takes energy and it can be draining, and ultimately in this case it’s a waste of time. You can’t somehow go back in time an alter a person’s perception of your work. Not only that, but if you do argue with readers, you come across looking like an insecure jerk. Better to forget that bad review and go on to write something else.
· And at yet another con, I watched my friend Ron Sarti, who’d published a trilogy of fantasy adventures, talking to fans in the con suite. I was new(ish) to SF cons at the time, and I’d noticed that pros tended to keep a certain distance between themselves and readers. They certainly didn’t hang out with them and treat them as – gasp! – equals. But Ron did. Later, I took him aside and gently tried to explain that he might want to reconsider how he interacted with fans. Ron, who was a couple decades older and wiser than I was, listened politely to my “advice,” and was kind enough not to tell me what an idiot I was being. Even as I spoke to him, I realized what a jackass I was being, and I’ve done my best not to view myself as Important Writer Who Cannot Be Bothered to Interact with the Riff-Raff at cons. Hopefully, I succeed more often than not. I understand why super-famous writers like Neil Gaiman and George R.R. Martin can’t simply stroll around the halls at a con all day. They would be mobbed and never be able to get away. And as for editors and agents, they’d be stuck listening to impromptu hallway pitches the entire weekend if they didn’t maintain a certain distance. If I’m ever tempted to think of myself as Important Writer, all I have to do is remind myself that relatively few people read fiction and that of those who do, even fewer read horror. If I’m at a con where I’m TIM WAGGONER, all I have to do is step outside the hotel, and I’m nobody again. No matter what I do or where I’m at, I’m just a person, which is the most important thing to be anyway, isn’t it?
· Years ago I read a book called The Renegade Writer by Linda Formichelli and Diana Burrell. The book was geared toward freelance nonfiction writers, and its premise was that the conventional wisdom new writers are taught about publishing isn’t really the way Things Get Done. I’d experienced some of this for myself in working with publishers by this point. I’d learned to approach editors working on invite-only anthologies and ask if I could write a story for them on spec. Every time I did this, I sold the editor a story. So I decided to try some of the advice in The Renegade Writer. Conventional wisdom says never to call editors, but Formichelli and Burrell said writers should try this. I called Wizards of the Coast. I’d sent writing samples in via their website as they requested of all writers who wanted to work with them, but I’d never heard back. Once I tracked down a phone number of an assistant editor via the Internet, I called and explained that I’d been sending samples for several years but never gotten a response. I received an apology (not that I was looking for one), and my call was forwarded to a senior editor. After some discussion, I ended up with a gig to write a couple books in the new DragonlanceYA series. I eventually wrote seven books for WotC before they cut back on publishing fiction. I called Byron Preiss at iBooks and asked if he had any tie-in projects I could write for, and I got a contract to write a novel based on the Defender computer game. I’m always hesitant to share this lesson with new writers, though. I was able to make those calls because I’d already published quite a few short stories as well as several novels. No one will give you a gig if you don’t have an established track record (even if it’s not a very long record), and you run the risk of alienating editors by calling them. Still, I do recommend checking out The Renegade Writer and seeing how you can adapt the authors’ advice for publishing nonfiction to your fiction career.
· For nine years, I taught in Seton Hill University’s MFA in Writing Popular Fiction program. During one on-campus residency, I was speaking with writer Lawrence C. Connelly in the hall, and he said, “You know, the world will decide how we’ll be remembered.” I thought about this for a long time afterward. In a way it’s a frustrating idea. You can spend your entire career writing, and readers will always remember the one thing you wrote that wasn’t that big a deal to you (or the one thing you hated and wished you’d never created). But on the other, it frees you from worrying about whether this project or that one is more important. It frees you from thinking in terms of reputation and legacy or, in marketing terms, of brand. It allows you to focus on what you want to write at any given moment and not worry about whether this one will be the big hit that breaks you out and makes you a star. Write your stories. Let the world decide how to respond to them.
· And that seems as good a place as any to end, doesn’t it?
DEPARTMENT OF SHAMELESS SELF-PROMOTION
Writing in the Dark : The Book
As I said above, Writing in the Dark will be officially released on Sept. 16th – only two weeks from today! I’ve been doing interviews and podcasts in support of the book, and initial reactions from reviewers have been overwhelmingly positive. Booklist says that it’s “a strong book that should prepare burgeoning writers to make better monsters and stronger stories.” All formats – hardcover, paperback, and ebook – are available to order. I hope you’ll help spread the word about the book when it’s released. My goal is to help as many people as I can write better horror, and I’ll appreciate any assistance you can give me.
Raw Dog Screaming Press
Both hardcover and paperback: http://rawdogscreaming.com/books/writing-in-the-dark/
Amazon
Barnes and Noble
Hardcover: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/writing-in-the-dark-tim-waggoner/1137057460?ean=9781947879232
Paperback: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/writing-in-the-dark-tim-waggoner/1137057460?ean=9781947879195
Some Kind of Monster
Some Kind of Monster, my new novella from Apex Publishing, is now out! Here’s the synopsis:
Throughout her life, Angie has lost loved ones to stupid, meaningless deaths. As an adult she begins researching urban legends, hoping to find proof that something exists beyond our mundane world. Is there magic? Is there an existence beyond this life? Is there any kind of meaning to it all even if that meaning is a dark one? In the end, Angie will get her answer, and she'll learn that reality isn't just darker than she thinks: It's some kind of monster.
Order Links:
Apex Book Company
All formats: https://www.apexbookcompany.com/products/some-kind-of-monster?variant=34275237855369
Amazon
Barnes and Noble
NOOK Book: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/some-kind-of-monster-tim-waggoner/1137349308?ean=2940162841401
B&N Paperback: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/some-kind-of-monster-tim-waggoner/1137349308?ean=9781937009823
New Article in Nightmare Magazine Free to Read
I’ve written an article for Nightmare Magazine’s The H Word column titled “The H Word: The Irrational Vs the Rational.” It’s about the necessary and important tension between the irrational and the rational in horror, and it’s free to read online: https://www.nightmare-magazine.com/nonfiction/the-h-word-the-rational-vs-the-irrational/
My next book from Flame Tree Press, Your Turn to Suffer, is now available for preorder at Amazon and Barnes and Noble. The book’s due out March 23, 2021. Here’s the synopsis:
Lorelei Palumbo is harassed by a sinister group calling themselves The Cabal. They accuse her of having committed unspeakable crimes in the past, and now she must pay. The Cabal begins taking her life apart one piece at a time – her job, her health, the people she loves – and she must try to figure out what The Cabal thinks she’s done if she’s to have any hope of answering their charges and salvaging her life.
This book takes place in the same town at The Mouth of the Dark, although it’s not a direct sequel, and it’s the second appearance of the Nightway, an extradimensional highway that first appeared in my novel The Harmony Society way back in 2003! It was a lot of fun to write, and I hope you’ll check it out.
Preorder Links for Your Turn to Suffer:
Amazon
Barnes and Noble
Hardcover: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/your-turn-to-suffer-tim-waggoner/1137330372?ean=9781787585188
Paperback: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/your-turn-to-suffer-tim-waggoner/1137330372?ean=9781787585164
NOOK Book: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/your-turn-to-suffer-tim-waggoner/1137330372?ean=9781787585201
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August 7, 2020
Out with the Old, In with the New?
On August 1st, the Hugo Awards were presented during a live streaming ceremony at CONZealand. And – as isn’t uncommon in the science fiction community – some controversy resulted. If you’re not familiar with what went down, here’s a decent short summary:
https://thewertzone.blogspot.com/2020/08/the-hugo-awards-2020-or-how-not-to-run.html
Not mentioned in the above-linked blog post are the constant references during the ceremony to John W. Campbell, lauded SF editor who was also a racist and fascist (https://www.blackgate.com/2019/08/24/john-w-campbell-was-a-racist-and-a-loon-a-response-to-jeannette-ngs-campbell-award-acceptance-speech/), and a Retro Hugo that was awarded to the Cthulhu Mythos (as opposed to H.P. Lovecraft himself, which was weird). Lovecraft’s racism is well documented (https://lithub.com/we-cant-ignore-h-p-lovecrafts-white-supremacy/), and the John W. Campbell award for best new writer, also traditionally presented at the Hugos, was recently renamed the Astounding Award to remove Campbell’s name.
I’ve been a member of SFWA (The Science Fiction and Fantasy Writers of America) as long as I’ve been a member of HWA (The Horror Writers Association) – close to thirty years now. While I’ve been more involved with HWA throughout the years, my writing output often overlaps with fantasy and science fiction, especially in my tie-in fiction, so I’ve maintained my SFWA membership. Controversy is common to both the science fiction and horror communities, although to my mind, SF has more. A lotmore. I’m not sure why this is. Maybe it’s just an effect of having a lot of really smart, passionate, expressive people who care a great deal about their genre working in the field. So it would be easy to dismiss the current controversy over the Hugo ceremony as just another in a long line of kerfuffles in the SF community. But that would be a mistake. It’s a sign that times are changing (or perhaps, more accurately, already have changed and not everyone has realized this yet or come to terms with it).
Not long ago, a group of writers calling themselves the Sad Puppies tried to take over the Hugos. The writers ranged from political conservatives who longed for a return to the good old days of SF (and who wanted to combat what they saw as leftist domination of the genre) to racist/fascist writers who were sometimes separately known as the Rabid Puppies. (Don’t look at me like that; I didn’t make up these nicknames). You can learn more about the Puppies here: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sad_Puppies#:~:text=Sad%20Puppies%20was%20an%20unsuccessful,science%20fiction%20or%20fantasy%20works. This is one reason why Dragoncon’s Dragon Awards came into being – so these writers could have awards that they might be able to more successfully game.
The World Fantasy Award, presented yearly at the World Fantasy Convention, was designed by Gahan Wilson to look like an Easter Island-style head of H.P. Lovecraft. A few years back people began pointing out that it might not be the best idea to have an award that looks like a racist – especially when such an award is presented to people of color. A war of words followed, led by those who believed you should Respect Tradition against those who said Fuck Tradition. You can read more about this controversy – and the award’s redesign – here: https://www.theguardian.com/books/2015/nov/09/world-fantasy-award-drops-hp-lovecraft-as-prize-image
In the wake of the most recent Hugos, I’ve seen a lot of writers post messages on social media talking about the “old guard” and “gatekeepers” and “old white men” and canons in literature, and how science fiction should be looking forward, not backward. I read one post which said, in reference to the old guard and the concept of a canon of classic works that everyone in a field should read, that “We need to tear down their statues and erect statues of ourselves. They’re not gods. We’rethe gods!”
Women and BIPOC and LQBTQ+ and youngers writers are no longer meekly asking for a place at the table, nor are they simply demanding one. They’re flipping the goddamn table over, breaking it apart, and burning the pieces, all with the intention of constructing a new table of their own. The revolution is here, and not only do I think this is good (and well overdue), I think it’s natural and inevitable. The young always seek to supplant the old, to assume positions of respect, to take their turn in the spotlight, to get their chance to lead and make their mark on the world. In response, the old guard has two choices: welcome the young and step gracefully aside or fight tooth and nail to hold onto their place. Those who fight may resent the young for getting too big for their britches, they may be afraid of being consigned to irrelevance, or both. And sometimes those who fight do so because they aren’t getting to handpick their successors, writers who – surprise! – usually look a lot like them, think like them, and write like them. (In essence, they want to create their own “writer children” to carry on for them when they’re gone.)
This sort of young vs old, new vs tradition, innovation vs tried-and-true has gone on in the arts probably since the first human artist painted a bison on a cave wall and a younger artist looked at it and thought, I could do that. Hell, I could do better than that. As I said, it’s a natural and healthy process for art and culture, but that doesn’t mean it’s not hard and messy sometimes. And maybe that’s a natural part of it too, or at least a natural byproduct.
So . . . what’s the best way for writers to react during times of cultural transition like this?
I have no easy answers, but – and I’m sure this will come as no surprise to you – I do have some thoughts.
Who or what is the Old Guard?
And just how old do you have to be to qualify as a member? I’m 56. Does that make me one of the old guard? And if so, just what the hell am I guarding? In the arts, old implies traditional ways of doing things, and guard implies a protector who’s keeping intruders from entering. And there’s a connotation to Old Guard, I think, of someone who’s overstayed his or her welcome. Writers who haven’t produced new work in years, perhaps even decades, but who still expect to be treated like royalty by younger writers qualify as Old Guard to me. These writers act as if they’re the fount of all wisdom in the field, the keepers of its true history, and the only ones who can recognize real talent and anoint the new members of the tribe. (People who, by some strange coincidence, are usually drawn from among their sycophantic followers – which is why they get followers in the first place.) They are suspicious if not actively hostile to new ideas and ways of doing things, and they long for the good old days, when realwriters wrote real fiction, not like the kind of stuff those peopleproduce today. They spend a lot of time telling stories about the Golden Age of Writing and Publishing and constantly focus on themselves. If they’re on a panel at a convention, they try to hog the spotlight or, if another Old Guardian is on the panel, they’ll talk to each other (and reminisce together) and ignore the other, younger writers present.
So if you’re a member of the Old Guard – or want to make sure you don’t ever fit the above description – here are some things you can do.
1) Accept you’re growing older and embrace it.
I think a lot of the Old Guard’s problem with the young is that the young are undeniable evidence that their time is passing and that Death is tiptoeing ever closer. Psychologically, if the Old Guard can hold onto their place in the culture, if they can fend off the advance of the young ones, they can fend off Death. Well, I got some bad news for you, pard. Ain’t gonna work. All of us are aging at the same rate and we’re all going to die sooner or later, and everything we’ve ever done won’t matter more than a kitten fart in a hurricane. And there’s not a goddamn thing you can do about it. You can live in denial or learn to live with it. Your choice.
When I was in high school, I heard this old joke about the different stages of an actors’ career, and it applies to any art, including writing. Stage One: Who’s Tim Waggoner? Stage Two: Get me Tim Waggoner! Stage Three: Get me a Tim Waggoner type. Stage Four: Who’s Tim Waggoner? I’m glad I heard this joke when I was young because it prepared me for what it was going to be like to have a career in writing. It told me that the progression – as melancholy as it is – was a natural and inevitable one. I have no idea where I’m at in this cycle (maybe I never left the Who’s Tim Waggoner? stage), but hopefully I’ll be able to get through each stage with at least a modicum of grace and without having a complete emotional breakdown at the end. (What can I say? My goals are modest ones.)
2) Find meaning in mentoring the young and sharing what you know.
It can be hard for someone who’s always viewed themselves as a doer, as an achiever, to transition into being someone who helps others do and achieve. But mentoring and teaching are natural ways for, shall we say, seasoned writers to contribute to their community. Once, back in the early 90’s on the proto-social media site GEnie, I saw George R.R. Martin post that young writers should just quit because they were making it hard for established writers like him to earn a living. I’m not sure how serious Martin was, but such a comment is like asking the Earth to stop turning. The young are coming, whether you like it or not, and while they can find their way just fine on their own, you can make it easier by helping them. Mentoring and teaching are excellent ways to give back to your community, to keep yourself involved with it, and to find meaning in the latter part of your career. They’ll keep you creatively engaged and, if you’ve never done much mentoring or teaching before, you’ll be expanding your horizons as an artist. I’ve been both writing and teaching for the last thirty-something years, and I can’t imagine my life without doing both. The old cliché is true – I’ve learned as much about writing from teaching it as I have from doing it. Teaching and mentoring have helped develop me as an artist in ways writing by itself never would have.
There are all kinds of ways for you to mentor or teach. Writers’ organizations like HWA have mentor programs you can volunteer for. If you see a writer post on social media that they’re looking for a mentor, you can reach out and offer to be one for them. You can post on social media that you’re happy to answer questions about writing and publishing at any time. You can create a blog like my Writing in the Dark. You can write articles for publications like Writer’s Digest or The Writer, for writing organization’s newsletters or websites, or for your own website. You can do workshops at conventions, be a panelist on topics related to writing and publishing, be accessible to new writers at cons so you can have conversations with them and answer whatever any questions they might have. You can offer to read and critique manuscripts (whether you do it for free or charge people). You can post videos about writing on your own YouTube channel. You can offer your own classes online, or deliver them at libraries or rec centers. You can start a writers’ group for new writers and host it. There are tons of ways for you to teach and mentor – pick one or two that sound good and give them a try.
3) Don’t stop writing, and maybe try something new.
Old Guard writers seem to just stop producing new work after a while. I’m not sure why. Maybe their publishers are no longer interested in seeing new stuff from them, or maybe they get tired of writing the same kind of stories they’ve been publishing for years. I think some Old Guard writers resent newer writers because the young ones still have the fire in the belly that they’ve lost somewhere along the way. I also think some Old Guard writers spend so much time reminiscing about the good old days because that’s the last time they felt like regularly-producing writers. If you’re truly ready to retire from writing, there’s nothing wrong with that. But as long as you want to write, you should. The world needs your stories as much as it needs any others. If mass-market publishing doesn’t want your work anymore, go to the small press or self-publish. Self-publishing through Amazon has become ridiculously simple these days. Don’t think of these new markets as a come down from bigger publishers. They’re just different venues for you to get your work out to readers, that’s all. It’s the work and getting that work to readers that matters, regardless of how many readers you have and how you reach them.
One of my favorite writers, Lawrence Block, is in his eighties. He began writing and publishing when he was in his early twenties, and he’s never stopped. Over the last decade or so he’s gotten into self-publishing, bringing out his extensive backlist on ebook and audio, as well as new paperback editions. He’s also shifted into doing something new: editing anthologies. And he self-published a new novel, Dead Girl Blues, on his 82nd birthday. He says it’s probably his last novel, but he can’t be sure of that. If the spirit moves him, he may write another. It seems to me that Block has paced his career as if he’s a long-distance runner, producing steadily throughout the decades while adapting to an ever-changing publishing landscape. He also still teaches from time to time. He’s focused on reaching his readers and contributing to his field, not on making sales or resting on his laurels and being venerated as some grand literary lion. (If you’re not familiar with Block, you can check out his website here: http://lawrenceblock.com/)
Try something new. Write in a different genre. Write some nonfiction. Write poetry. Keep it fresh for yourself and you’ll never be one of the Old Guard.
5) Accept and welcome the young, listen to them and learn from them. And if you can’t do these things, then get the hell out of the way.
I think a lot of Old Guard writers don’t see themselves as part of a community of writers but rather as individuals assailed by younger competing writers out to dethrone them – the aging Wild West gunfighter always on the lookout for a new gunfighter out to make a name by challenging him. And Old Guard writers (and editors and agents) do have one good reason to be wary: If they’re prominent enough, many hungry young writers are desperate to connect to them and use them to further their own careers. I’ve never been prominent enough to have this happen to me, but I’ve seen it happen to others. Before long, these members of the Old Guard withdraw from contact with new writers. They can’t possibly help them all, and new writers wildly overestimate the help members of the Old Guard can give them. But if you can view yourself not as a loner but as a member of a community, you might feel less threatened by the young. And if your community is an insular circle of writers and publishing professionals that you’ve interacted with since the age of the dinosaurs, you should consider broadening your sense of community to include young writers and writers from backgrounds different than your own. Listen to these young writers, read their work, learn from them. I believe I can learn from anyone, from an infant to someone experiencing the last few seconds of their life. I don’t think in terms of who knows more than I do, who is more experienced, who is more skilled. I think in terms of what can I learn from them? I think of new writers as colleagues, regardless of how experienced or accomplished they are yet (or even as just potentialcolleagues). I try to treat all my creative writing students at the college where I teach as potential colleagues, even though I know damn well the vast majority of them won’t ever have a writing career. Hell, they may never write another word after they leave my class. But I don’t know which of them maydevelop into professional writers. I know some will because some have. And if nothing else, I was once a student in a creative writing class, and I eventually became a professional.
But if for whatever reason you can’t, or simply aren’t interested, in broadening your community and interacting with younger writers, accept that your time on center stage is over and leave them the fuck alone. Not only are you fighting the inevitable by trying to keep young writers from stepping onto the stage, you’re making a damn fool of yourself in the process. Which leads me to . . .
6) Decide what you want your legacy to be.
There’s only so much you can do about this. The world will decide how each of us will be remembered (if at all). But who wants to be remembered as an old, washed-up, out-of-touch, get-off-my-goddamn-lawn-you-miserable-kids writer? Do you want people to remember you for your work and your contributions to your literary community? Or do you want them to remember you as an asshole? Choose wisely.
Moving on . . .
Okay, if you’re a young writer – young in terms of your career, at least – here are some things for you to think about when it comes to your response to the tension between the Old Guard and the new.
1) Fuck ‘em. Burn it all down and start over.
First off, you don’t have to deal with the Old Guard in any way, shape, or form if you don’t want to. Cast them out, destroy what they’ve build, and replace it with whatever you want. It’s the Circle of Life, baby. What you build may in the end be not all that different from what the Old Guard created, and it may or may not be better (however you gauge better), but it will be yours. And there’s nothing wrong with that. (And if this is how you feel, you can skip the next few items and head on down to where I plug my latest stuff.)
2) Don’t worship the Old Guard but don’t throw them aside entirely.
I think that in its own way, hero worship is just as dehumanizing as demonizing a person. Regarding someone as a hero means that we’re not giving them the simple respect of acknowledging them as a person with faults and weaknesses along with their virtues and strengths. I know it’s been hard for me over the years to learn that writers I admire weren’t always sterling representatives of humanity. One of the writers whose work I most admire had the reputation for keeping money he or she was supposed to pay to writers in anthologies he or she edited. (Don’t ask me who it is; I’ll never tell you, and since this person is deceased, there’s no need to warn you not to work with him or her.) Being an English major in college – during both my undergraduate and graduate years – helped prepare me for this. The English professors I had discussed famous authors’ backgrounds, warts and all, dispassionately. Still, it’s one thing to learn that dead authors weren’t always paragons of virtue. It’s another to learn that writers you’ve met aren’t either.
As I said earlier, I believe I can learn something from anyone, so I’ve never had the “fuck the Old Guard” mentality. But I’ve never worshipped them either. When I first started out, I tried to learn from professionals as well as from my peers, but there wasn’t social media like there is now, and so my peers were a few friends who also were serious about writing. My access to professionals – through bookstores, libraries, and magazines – meant I was exposed to far more pros than peers. Today’s social media landscape seems to be the exact opposite. There are massive groups of peers supporting each other and reinforcing ideas about what it means to be a professional writer, what are the best practices in writing, and how to best publish and promote yourself. And when someone from the Old Guard says something that contradicts this massive peer group, the peer group circles the wagon, says the Old Guard member is full of shit (and probably a horrible person to boot) and ignore whatever it was that they said without considering its merits. As a teacher this frustrates me. I want writers to be able to learn the most they can from whatever source they can. As a writer I shrug and figure these writers will either sink or swim on their own, and I focus on producing my own work and don’t worry about it. I sure as shit won’t engage these people online. What’s the point? I’ve tried in the past, and instead of helping them, all I did was piss them off and draw a lot of fire my way. I don’t enjoy conflict (which means I don’t enjoy much of social media), and I have better things to do than waste time in useless virtual combat that could better be spent doing literally anything else.
Another aspect of social media culture (speaking from my own point of view) is that there’s a tendency to immediately ostracize someone the instant they do something online culture deems as unforgiveable. Support is withdrawn, connections severed, and this person is branded anathema forever after. I understand this completely when it comes to individuals attacking and harassing others in any way and lobbying against any type of human rights. I don’t want to support racists, sexists, or homophobes. But there are times – like the current Hugo Awards – where writers are shunned for being kinda-sorta-maybe racist and sexist. Both Bob Silverberg and George R.R. Martin lauded John W. Campbell at the Hugo ceremony (like, a lot) and ignored or were dismissive of newer writers nominated (which, considering that these writers came from diverse backgrounds and counted many women among them, could be construed as racist and sexist). So yeah, Silverberg and Martin were assholes. But does that mean people can’t still learn something from them? I don’t know. I’ve never read Silverberg (I’ve tried but could never get into his stuff), and while I enjoyed Martin’s pre-Westeros fiction, The Song of Ice and Fire bores me to tears, and I’ve never been able to get into it either. Considering that there are a bazillion other writers for people to learn from, shunning Silverberg and Martin (or whoever) is no big deal, but I do think younger writers do themselves a disservice if they assume all Old Guard writers are the same and that they and their work should be avoided and disregarded.
3) Don’t worship the canon but don’t (completely) ignore it.
First off, canon isn’t a real thing, not in the sense of there being a single ultimate list of books that a young writer needs to read in order to be able to successfully produce their own. Canon is a construct created by academics so they can have fun arguing with each other over what should or shouldn’t be in it, so they can have dissertation topics, and so they can more easily create a course syllabus. But since anything humans create is a construct to one degree or another, this doesn’t make any particular list bad. It’s just a list. Lists are useful to contribute to conversations about art and to give new writers ideas of works they might like to check out. But if an Old Guard member says you must read particular works to be a real writer, they’re full of shit. In the academic world, there’s tension between literature people and creative writing people. The lit crowd focuses on reading, dissecting, and deeply understanding older works, and the creative writing folks are more interested in what’s being published now since their focus is on producing new work for current-day readers. When a creative writing person becomes one of the Old Guard, the current works they read when starting out become part of their personal canon, and they then present that list as what all new writers should read. Basically, in the end, we all become our parents, right?
I think it’s a mistake to reject all older works outright, though. I’ll read whatever strikes my fancy, whatever piques my curiosity, or whatever I think I can learn from. I tend not to read anything earlier than the 19th century, and I usually focus on more current work. When I first started out as a writer, I read more older stuff because I wanted to get a feel for the history of genre fiction and learn what worked and didn’t work, and so I wouldn’t have to reinvent the wheel. These days, if I read older stuff, it’s usually because I’ve become interested in a particular writer and want to check out more of what they’ve produced over the years. Mostly I try to keep up with contemporaries of mine and check out work from interesting new writers (often people I’ve come to know a bit via social media.) I’ve spent my life making my own canon, and I think that’s what all writers should do. As long as you read fiction and your reading is feeding your artistic self, you’re good. But consider checking out some older stuff from time to time – especially if writers you admire praise it. You might find something of worth in it, even if it only shows you how not to write.
4) Accept that you’re going to be the Old Guard one day – and probably sooner than you think.
If you’re fortunate enough to make some sort of career for yourself as a writer, and that career lasts long enough, you’ll soon move on from being a promising newcomer to an exciting fresh voice to a reliable pro to well-seasoned veteran to a member of the Old Guard that new up-and-comers want to supplant. When this happens, try to remember what it was like to be a young writer and don’t castigate the new guard for being full of piss and vinegar and wanting to take on and conquer the whole fucking world by doing things their way. After all, that was once you, and not so long ago.
DEPARTMENT OF SHAMELESS SELF-PROMOTION
SOME KIND OF MONSTER OUT THIS MONTH
Writing in the Darkwill be out from Raw Dog Screaming Press’s nonfiction imprint Guide Dog Books on September 16th, but it’s available for preorder now. Only the print version is up at the moment, but eventually the ebook will be available as well.
Mother Horror reviewed the book on her blog as well as Goodreads. She gave it five stars and said, “I loved this book and enjoyed all of the helpful tips from someone who knows what they're talking about. I will be coming back to this book over and over again.”
Preorder Links for Writing in the Dark
Raw Dog Screaming Press: http://rawdogscreaming.com/books/writing-in-the-dark/
Barnes and Noble: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/writing-in-the-dark-tim-waggoner/1137057460?ean=9781947879195
EBOOK EDITION OF THE HARMONY SOCIETY IS (FINALLY) AVAILABLE
It’s been a long time coming but The Harmony Society finally has an ebook edition.
Here’s a synopsis:
Reality and nightmare. Past and present. Sanity and madness. For Nathan Bennett, there is no longer any difference between them - not since the Harmony Society came into his life. Now, as his world begins to collapse around him, Nathan must travel the strange and dangerous roads of the Nightway in search of the Dark Angel - a being of great power that the Harmony Society desperately wishes to control. But even if Nathan reaches the Angel first, what waits for him at the end of his long, dark road: salvation . . . damnation . . . Or both?
NEWSLETTER
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July 28, 2020
Dark Music for a Dark Book
Film composer Will Musser (Game of Thrones, American Horror Story: Apocalypse, Gretel & Hansel) wrote “Shadow,” a musical piece inspired by my dark fantasy novel The Mouth of the Dark. In my novels, Shadow is a sinister realm that lies adjacent to our world, but hidden from it except for a select few. Shadow’s a region of dangers physical, mental, and spiritual, and if you find it – and are lucky enough to escape with your life – you’ll be changed forever . . . and not in a good way.
“Shadow” is eerie and evocative, and I love the sound effects and the way the piece builds up to an off-kilter rhythm then returns to where it began. It's like someone entering Shadow, exploring, finding some horrible things they didn't expect and escaping with (hopefully) some scrap of sanity intact. One of the things I love most about having a career in the arts is when another artist reacts to/interprets something I did to create their own vision, and that’s exactly what Will has done so wonderfully in “Shadow.”
July 20, 2020
Male Writers: Do Better
Over the last month or so, three different men in the horror community – authors Matt Hayward and Tim Miller and Borderlands Books owner Alan Beatts – were revealed to have sexually harassed or assaulted a number of women. They were exposed by brave women who came forward with their stories of harassment and abuse, and the horror community rallied around these women and supported them. If you want more background on these men and what they did, you can follow these links:
Matt Hayward: https://sonorawrites.com/2020/06/29/a-statement-regarding-matt-hayward-and-sexual-harassment/
Tim Miller: http://file770.com/pixel-scroll-7-16-20-i-been-in-the-right-pixel-but-it-must-have-been-the-wrong-scroll/
(Scroll down a bit. It’s news item number three.)
Alan Beatts: https://sfist.com/2020/07/09/borderlands-books-rocked-by-sexual-assault-domestic-violence-allegations-against-owner/
Matt Hayward had a mini-interview (along with many other writers) in my forthcoming book on writing horror Writing in the Dark. You can read my statement regarding Hayward’s contribution to my book here: http://writinginthedarktw.blogspot.com/2020/06/statement-regarding-matt-hayward.html
Brian Keene discussed Hayward, Beatts, and the mental and emotional toll of reporting sexual misconduct in the horror industry on his podcast, The Horror Show with Brian Keene here: http://thehorrorshowbk.projectentertainment.libsynpro.com/kaitlyn-booth-and-nick-hanover-the-horror-show-with-brian-keene-ep-271
I believe women and I stand with them against harassers, abusers, and assaulters of all types. Full stop.
After these incidents there was a great deal of discussion on social media about the sexual harassment women in SF/F/H face. Many women came forward with their own stories, some regarding online sexual harassment, others about harassment they’ve faced at writing conventions and conferences. Some men posted variations on “Does this mean I’m not allowed to flirt with women anymore?” and “Now I can never talk to women again without being labeled a sexual predator!” A lot of people offered advice for male writers on how to behave professionally and respectfully toward women at cons and in online interactions, and that’s what I’d like to talk about in this post. So while I’m happy to have anyone read this, my main audience this time is men – especially men of good will who are confused as how to avoid accidentally sexually harassing women and/or are afraid their attempts to interact with women will be construed as harassment. And if you’re a predatory bastard who doesn’t give a shit how your actions affect women, but you dogive a shit about not imploding your career, hopefully you’ll learn some tips on how to at least pretend to be a decent human being.
Keep in mind that I’m writing this based on my own experiences and observations (including what I’ve learned from women speaking about sexual harassment and abuse), as well as my own struggles trying to do better in my interactions with women in my day-to-day life, at the college where I teach, and as a literary citizen. Also know that I approach this topic as a cishet demisexual monogamous male who’s primarily attracted to intelligent, imaginative women (so maybe I’m sapiosexual as well?). I experience sexual attraction toward woman in general all the time (although it’s nowhere near as intense in my fifties as it was in my teens and twenties). As a demisexual, I’m only interested in entering into a sexual relationship with a woman with whom I’ve established an emotional bond. I grew up in a culture that told me real men pursued all women all the time, and I thought something was wrong with me because, while I felt sexual urges, I experienced no compulsion to act on them with whatever random woman I happened to be near. Because of this, I haven’t had a lot of, shall we say, short-term relationships in my life. I was with my first wife for twenty years before our marriage ended, and I’ve been with my second wife for twelve years.
After my first wife and I divorced, I realized I’d never really dated in my life and I had no practical experience in how to go about it. I signed up for various online dating services and began, at the age of forty-three, learning how to meet and get to know women in what felt to me like awkward and artificial set-ups. I met some very nice women during this time, and I also met my share of psychos. I also tried being more outgoing and meeting women at cons. I’m sure my efforts were clumsy, and I hope I didn’t make anyone feel uncomfortable at those cons, but I probably did. If you were one of those people, I sincerely apologize.
So now that you know where I’m coming from in terms of this topic, let’s get started in earnest.
Men, you are responsible for your own emotions, choices, and actions.
She’s so hot, she makes me crazy!Every say something like this? Newsflash. She didn’t make you do, think, or feel anything. You are in charge of your own mind. I have a five-year-old male dachshund named Bentley. He’s not neutered, and sometimes – I don’t know what sets him off – he goes through periods when he wants to hump our two cats (one female, one male, so I guess Bentley is bi). I have to stop him and try to train him not to go after the cats, but I don’t get angry with him (frustrated, sure, but not angry) because he’s innocent. He’s a simple creature who responds to stimuli. He’s like a computer program. You are a grown-ass man who should’ve learned how to deal with your emotions a long time ago. Granted, our culture is terrible at teaching men how to do this, but that’s no excuse. If you feel that you just have to pursue a woman online or at a professional event, you really don’t. It’s a choice. Choose to do and be better. Do some soul-searching. Talk to your partner. Talk to friends. See a therapist. Do whatever is necessary to take responsibility for and ownership of your emotions. Or to put it more simply, get your damn shit together.
Bentley says, "You're writing about me in your blog, aren't you?"
Writers don’t do social media or go to cons to get laid (in other words, in professional situations, act professionally).
Sure, maybe some are perfectly happy if they happen to meet someone they can connect with romantically and/or sexually through professional activities. My wife and I met each other when she took one of my creative writing classes. (Yes, I know this makes us a cliché – the professor and student who eventually fell in love and got married – but we’ve been together twelve years, so even if we are a cliché, we’re a good example of that cliché working well.) But people who participate in professional activities want to be viewed as professionals and treated like professionals. They want to be treated with respect, as equals. Whenever you hit on a woman in a professional situation (and social media interactions count as professional if someone’s online presence is in support of their writing career) you’re saying that you only view her as a sexual target and that being a sexual target is her only value. It’s a horribly unprofessional and just plain shitty attitude to take toward another human being. So if you’re in a professional situation (and again, online interactions count) assume the other person wants to be treated as a professional and behave accordingly.
The power differential is a real thing.
And men know this and use it to their advantage. Older and more experienced? Have more professional contacts? Possess the ability to help advance a woman’s career? Have the time to mentor her and help her become a better writer? Have the power to damage or completely ruin her career if she doesn’t give you want you want? All of these things can be used as bait, threat, or a combination, and by doing so, you’re attempting to force a woman to do what you want. Don’t tell yourself it’s okay because “She made her own choice.” A choice someone is pressured into making is not a real choice because it’s not a free choice. You’re still attempting to manipulate a situation to your advantage. That’s not treating someone as an equal. Even if you don’t consciously exert your power with the intention of manipulating someone, that power in and of itself can cause manipulation to occur, and if you accept the result of that unconscious manipulation and benefit from it, you’re still exploiting another person for your gain. As a professional, you need to be aware of your power and use it responsibly.
Don’t send women pictures of your genitals (or videos of you doing anything with your genitals).
You’d think this would be common sense and basic decency, and for most of us, I hope it is. But men do this to women a lot. Don’t. Ever. Unless you’re explicitly and clearly asked to do so. If both people involved like swapping pics of their sex organs, that’s their business. Who am I to judge? My personal theory is that men send unsolicited dick pics for two reasons. One is that they are hunting for a sexual partner and they think this is a good way to find one. Back in the eighties, one comedian (I think it was Eddie Murphy, maybe) told a joke about how men could approach women for sex. “Go up to each woman you see and ask her if she’d like to fuck. You’re going to get your face slapped nine out of ten times, but that tenth time is magic.” This joke demonstrates a couple toxic behaviors men are taught when it comes to pursuing women. 1) Be bold and be persistent. 2) It doesn’t matter how your approach affects women. In the joke, the man doesn’t care about how the nine women feel about the way he approached them. He only cares that the tenth responded the way he wanted. Men are taught to be sexually aggressive in ways that skirt (and too often lead to) violence. I’m including mental and emotional violence as well as physical violence here. We’re also not taught to consider women’s feelings when pursuing them, to value their feelings, value them as people. It’s all about us and what we can eventually get from women. We’re taught it’s a sign of weakness to consider others’ feelings.
The second reason I think men send dick pics is because it’s a form of assault and they get off on hurting women. Mental and emotional attacks are still attacks. They’re still violence. Men are taught that as long as you don’t physically hit someone, it doesn’t count as violence, but that’s not true.
When it comes to dick pics and the like, it’s easy to know what the kind, respectful, and professional thing to do is. Don’t take them and don’t send them. Even if you’re asked to take and send them, do you really want pictures of your junk floating around on the Internet? Who knows where they may ultimately end up and what harm they might do to your reputation and career?
Keep your hands to yourself.
They teach you this shit in preschool, so why some men seem to find this so difficult to understand baffles me. Don’t touch someone unless you are asked to touch them. The two toxic behaviors I mentioned above – Be aggressive and don’t consider the other person’s feelings – come in to play here as well.
It should be common sense not to put your hand on a woman’s leg when sitting next to her at a table on a panel or at an awards banquet, not to grab her ass when the two of you are alone in a hallway, etc. Keep your goddamned hands to yourself.
I came from a family that wasn’t physically demonstrative, and when I was in high school band and drama club, boys and girls did a lot of hugging. Part of it was cultural – We’re all so close, we’re all so artistic and free spirited – but a lot of it was horny teenagers looking for a socially acceptable excuse to touch each other. When I started going to SF/F/H cons in my late twenties, I encountered a culture where people hugged a lot. Part of this was because they’re friends and colleagues who rarely see one another face to face, and part was the same thing I experienced in high school: We’re all so close, we’re all so artistic and free-spirited.Whether I should respond to an offered hug was an easy decision for me. I tend to meet people wherever they’re at, and if they want to hug me, great. But when and if I should offer a hug was another matter. I tried offering hugs for several years, until I came to understand that people won’t say no to a hug generally, which means that you basically force physical contact on them. (I learned this from women.) Now I wait for women to offer a hug first before I give one.
A hotel bar at a con isn’t a meat market.
One of the most common bits of wisdom passed around at cons is that all the important connections are made at the hotel bar and all the real business is done there. In my experience, this isn’t true, but then again, I’m not a big bar guy. Whenever I’ve hung out at the bar – especially later in the evenings – it’s crowded and noisy and I can barely hear the person I’m sitting next to talk, let alone anyone else nearby. Hallway and lobby discussions tend to work better. People – sometimes publishers, sometimes individuals – have room parties at cons, and if they don’t get too crowded you might be able to have a decent conversation there (but they usually are too crowded). Regardless of whether or not much business is getting done at parties or the bar, you’re still in a professional situation. Once you arrive at a con, it’s a professional situation until you leave, morning, noon, and night. Sure, you might hang out with friends or make new friends, and it doesn’t have to be a stuffy, uptight kind of professionalism, but (as a rule) people do not go to the bar or parties at cons to hook up with someone and get laid. Who the hell would pay the con registration fee and travel expenses to do that when they could just go to a bar in their hometown and find someone if sex was all they wanted? As I said earlier, in professional situations act professionally, and at a con, you are alwaysin a professional situation.
Ask a woman if she thinks you should say or do a thing (whatever that thing may be).
Contemplating pursuing a woman at a con or online? Or maybe you’re just unsure whether to offer a hug (as I discussed earlier)? When in doubt about how to approach and interact with a woman, ask a woman friend or relative if want you intend is a good idea. If once you tell them they look at you like you’re out of your goddamned mind, then you have your answer. Not only will they be able to tell you want not to do, they can tell you want you should do instead. And if you don’t have at least one woman in your life that you can talk to about stuff like this, that probably says something profound, and more than a little sad, about your relationships with and attitudes toward women in general. (And if you’re woman friend says, “Hell yeah, you should send her some dic pics! Send her a thousand of those fuckers! The more dicks, the better! Dicks, dicks, DICKS!” maybe you should ask someone else for guidance.)
You’re not giving up your freedom or your power. You’re helping to balance the scales.
Men (white men especially) have sat comfortably atop the power structure for a hell of a long time, and they can get pissy when asked to change their behaviors when it comes to interacting with women. But my fellow men, we aren’t losing freedom by coming to understand all humans should be equal and treating them as such. We’re helping to balance scales that have been tilted in our favor for far too long. And if you’re not an idealist and don’t give a shit about rebalancing scales and making the world a better and more just place, consider this: If women are equal to men in the writing profession and they feel comfortable interacting with us, if they feel they can trust us, that they’re safe with us, all of us – men and women alike – can do more business overall. And that’s a win-win in my book.
DEPARTMENT OF SHAMELESS SELF-PROMOTION
LIMITED TIME SALE ON THE FOREVER HOUSE
From Tuesday the 21st July 2020 until Sunday the 26th 2020 the Kindle version of my novel The Forever Housewill be available on Amazon for $0.99 (and the equivalent in the UK, Australia and Canada). This will be a great time to snag a copy if you haven’t already! Here’s some linkage:
Kindle USA: https://www.amazon.com/Forever-House-Fiction-Without-Frontiers-ebook/dp/B08667Y7MC/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=the+forever+house+tim+waggoner&qid=1595108095&s=books&sr=1-1
Kindle UK: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Forever-House-Fiction-Without-Frontiers-ebook/dp/B08C6FV165/ref=tmm_kin_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr=
Kindle Canada: https://www.amazon.ca/Forever-House-Fiction-Without-Frontiers-ebook/dp/B08667Y7MC/ref=tmm_kin_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr=
Kindle Australia: https://www.amazon.com.au/Forever-House-Fiction-Without-Frontiers-ebook/dp/B08667Y7MC/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=tim+waggoner&qid=1595108301&s=books&sr=1-1
NEW NOVELLA COMING NEXT MONTH
I’ve got a new novella coming from Apex Publishing on August 25th! It’s called Some Kind of Monster. Here’s the synopsis:
Throughout her life, Angie has lost loved ones to stupid, meaningless deaths. As an adult she begins researching urban legends, hoping to find proof that something exists beyond our mundane world. Is there magic? Is there an existence beyond this life? Is there any kind of meaning to it all even if that meaning is a dark one? In the end, Angie will get her answer, and she'll learn that reality isn't just darker than she thinks: It's some kind of monster.
Preorder Links for Some Kind of Monster
Amazon
Paperback: https://www.amazon.com/Some-Kind-Monster-Tim-Waggoner/dp/1937009823/ref=sr_1_7?Adv-Srch-Books-Submit.x=36&Adv-Srch-Books-Submit.y=14&dchild=1&qid=1595093850&refinements=p_27%3Atim+waggoner&s=books&sr=1-7&unfiltered=1
Kindle: https://www.amazon.com/Some-Kind-Monster-Tim-Waggoner-ebook/dp/B08D6RYQRX/ref=sr_1_6?Adv-Srch-Books-Submit.x=36&Adv-Srch-Books-Submit.y=14&dchild=1&qid=1595092355&refinements=p_27%3Atim+waggoner&s=books&sr=1-6&unfiltered=1Barnes and Noble
NOOK Book: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/some-kind-of-monster-tim-waggoner/1137349308?ean=2940162841401
B&N Paperback: Link still to come.
LIBRARIAN LOVE FOR WRITING IN THE DARK (THE BOOK)
Librarian and tireless champion for horror fiction Becky Spratford mentioned my forthcoming how-to-write book Writing in the Dark in an article for Library Journal called “Rise of the Monsters: Top Horror Titles and Trends Coming This Season”: “Critically acclaimed horror writer Tim Waggoner offers a unique and helpful guide to the craft in Writing in the Dark, which explores the genre’s history and appeal, providing practical writing advice and wisdom from respected and popular practitioners like Joe Hill and Ellen Datlow.” Very cool!
Writing in the Darkwill be out from Raw Dog Screaming Press’s nonfiction imprint Guide Dog Books on September 16th, but it’s available for preorder now. Only the print version is up at the moment, but eventually the ebook will be available as well. I’ll post an update when it is.
Preorder Links for Writing in the Dark
Raw Dog Screaming Press:http://rawdogscreaming.com/books/writing-in-the-dark/
Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1947879197?pf_rd_r=CV72R8B4GT0MWK71FX4S&pf_rd_p=edaba0ee-c2fe-4124-9f5d-b31d6b1bfbee
Barnes and Noble: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/writing-in-the-dark-tim-waggoner/1137057460?ean=9781947879195
YOUR TURN TO SUFFER AVAILABLE FOR PREORDER
My next book from Flame Tree Press, Your Turn to Suffer, is now available for preorder at Amazon and Barnes and Noble. My editor Don D’Auria sent me an image of the cover on Sunday. He said they wanted to go with a “a bit more mainstream and visually striking” look. I think they did a great job! The book’s due out March 23, 2021. Here’s the synopsis:
Lorelei Palumbo is harassed by a sinister group calling themselves The Cabal. They accuse her of having committed unspeakable crimes in the past, and now she must pay. The Cabal begins taking her life apart one piece at a time – her job, her health, the people she loves – and she must try to figure out what The Cabal thinks she’s done if she’s to have any hope of answering their charges and salvaging her life.
This book takes place in the same town at The Mouth of the Dark, although it’s not a direct sequel, and it’s the second appearance of the Nightway, an extradimensional highway that first appeared in my novel The Harmony Society way back in 2003! It was a lot of fun to write, and I hope you’ll check it out.
Preorder Links for Your Turn to Suffer
AmazonPaperback: https://www.amazon.com/Your-Suffer-Fiction-Without-Frontiers/dp/1787585166/ref=sr_1_2?Adv-Srch-Books-Submit.x=36&Adv-Srch-Books-Submit.y=14&dchild=1&qid=1595093899&refinements=p_27%3Atim+waggoner&s=books&sr=1-2&unfiltered=1
Kindle: https://www.amazon.com/Your-Suffer-Fiction-Without-Frontiers-ebook/dp/B08CVSNW16/ref=sr_1_1?Adv-Srch-Books-Submit.x=36&Adv-Srch-Books-Submit.y=14&dchild=1&qid=1595095017&refinements=p_27%3Atim+waggoner&s=books&sr=1-1&unfiltered=1
Barnes and Noble
Hardcover: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/your-turn-to-suffer-tim-waggoner/1137330372?ean=9781787585188
Paperback: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/your-turn-to-suffer-tim-waggoner/1137330372?ean=9781787585164
NOOK Book: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/your-turn-to-suffer-tim-waggoner/1137330372?ean=9781787585201
THE HORROR ZINE’S BOOK OF GHOST STORIES
My story “The White Road” appears in The Horror Zine’s Books of Ghost stories, which was recently released by Hellbound Books. So if you want to read a really weird ghost story (really, would I write any other kind?) from me, check it out!
Amazon
Paperback: https://www.amazon.com/Horror-Zines-Book-Ghost-Stories/dp/1948318962/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1595096641&sr=1-8
Kindle: https://www.amazon.com/Horror-Zines-Book-Ghost-Stories-ebook/dp/B08CTJ14MK/ref=sr_1_8?Adv-Srch-Books-Submit.x=36&Adv-Srch-Books-Submit.y=14&dchild=1&qid=1595096641&refinements=p_27%3Atim+waggoner&s=books&sr=1-8&unfiltered=1
Barnes and Noble
NOOK Book: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/the-horror-zines-book-of-ghost-stories-bentley-little/1137332028?ean=2940164466206
B&N Paperback link still to come.
BONE WHISPERS RE-RELEASED
My third short story collection Bone Whispers was published in 2013 by Post Mortem Press. PMP has since closed its doors, and my collection has found a new home (and new cover) with Crossroad Press (only as an ebook, I’m afraid.) If you haven’t read this one, you can grab a copy here:
Kindle: https://www.amazon.com/Bone-Whispers-Tim-Waggoner-ebook/dp/B08B51WMYB/ref=sr_1_9?Adv-Srch-Books-Submit.x=36&Adv-Srch-Books-Submit.y=14&dchild=1&qid=1595098035&refinements=p_27%3Atim+waggoner&s=books&sr=1-9&unfiltered=1
NOOK Book: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/bone-whispers-tim-waggoner/1115621566?ean=2940163041886
NEWSLETTER
If you haven’t already signed up for my newsletter – which not only includes all the Tim Waggoner news you crave but also presents writing and publishing tips and behind-the-scene glimpses (content which is often exclusive to my newsletter) – you can subscribe here: http://timwaggoner.com/contact.htm
June 29, 2020
Statement Regarding Matt Hayward
In my forthcoming book Writing in the Dark, I include mini-interviews with a number of horror authors, editors, and publishers. One of these mini-interviews was with Matt Hayward. In light of recent events regarding Hayward and in support of the women that have been affected by his harassment, I’m removing Hayward’s mini-interview from Writing in the Dark. It’s too late to remove the material from the majority of pre-orders, and for that I apologize. My publisher Raw Dog Screaming Press will strive to make every effort to remove this material in e-book and print in titles not preordered and from all editions moving forward. To be clear, it's only books preordered through other retailers that can't be changed at this stage. People who preorder directly from RDSP will get the corrected copy. If you receive a copy of the book that includes Hayward’s mini-interview and would like to exchange it, you can mail it to RDSP and they will exchange it for the edition with the corrected text.
June 19, 2020
Leisure and Me
My first mass-market horror novel, Like Death, was published by Leisure Books in 2005. Before that, I’d published a horror novel called The Harmony Society in 2003 with small-press publisher Prime Books, but it hadn’t gotten much notice. Plus, back then, Leisure was where it was at when it came to horror fiction. The horror boom of the 1980’s was long over by the early 2000’s. Back in the 80’s, I’d been concentrating on writing fantasy novels (none of which ever sold), and while I occasionally wrote horror short stories, I didn’t start publishing them with any regularly until the 90’s. I wish I’d tried to write a horror back then. I certainly was reading plenty of it. But despite the massive amount of horror paperbacks on the shelves in bookstores and supermarkets, I didn’t realize that it was a booming market where a young writer like me might be able to break in. There was no Internet yet, so no message boards or social media chatter where people might’ve advised me to Submit a horror novel to Zebra Books, you idiot!I can’t tell you why it didn’t occur to me to try writing a horror novel back then. I’d been a horror fan all my life, and I think maybe horror meant so much to me that I was intimidated to try it at novel length. I sometimes wonder how different my writing career might’ve been if I’d gotten my start as a horror writer during the 80’s.
I did catch the next horror boom in the early 2000’s, though, led by Leisure Books. These days, those of us who published with Leisure are viewed as horror veterans. A lot of younger writers read Leisure horror growing up, and our books were the ones which influenced their artistic development. (This is hard for me to believe sometimes. I wrote books that someone read, enjoyed, and which influenced their writing? Me?) The other day I ran across a Word file containing a couple articles I wrote for Leisure’s website back in the day to help publicize a couple of my books. I haven’t republished them anywhere, and I figured I’d post them here on my blog for anyone that might be interested. And that thought led to another. I haven’t written much about my experiences with Leisure, but it occurred to me that now would be a good time to rectify that, and that’s just what I’m going to do. Once you finish reading my current thoughts on Leisure, you can read the two previous articles, neither of which has seen the light of day for fourteen years. I left them just as they were, for better or worse. Both talk about the inspirations for my second and third Leisure novels – Pandora Drive and Darkness Wakes.
Before I continue, let me say up front that my experiences with Leisure – and especially with my editor, Don D’Auria – were all positive. When the company eventually began to collapse (and Don had left) I asked for the rights to my books back, and I got them before Leisure died, plunged into bankruptcy, and everything went to hell. I was lucky. A lot of writers weren’t, and they had to fight tooth and nail to get the rights to their books reverted to them. Brian Keene was instrumental in helping Leisure authors get their rights back, and I’m not sure people are aware of just how hard he fought for his fellow writers. That alone makes him a true hero of horror in my book.I will say that there are audiobooks of my Leisure novels available on Amazon, and I have no idea who put them there or who’s getting the money for them – because it sure isn’t me. I’ve made inquiries of Amazon over the years and have gotten nowhere. I think the audio rights to my books were sold to Amazon with a bunch of other Leisure titles back during the company’s bankruptcy, and someone in the company handling the bankruptcy didn’t realize Leisure no longer had any rights to my titles, audio included. At this point, I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to figure out what happened or get the audio rights to those books back. And honestly, I’m so busy writing new stuff to care very much. So if you’ve bought – or want to buy – any of those audiobooks, it’s fine with me. I just hope you enjoy them.
So, here, for the first time, is my Leisure story.
In the summer of 1999 – ten years after I finished grad school with my MA in English – I finally landed a full-time tenure-track gig at Sinclair Community College, back in my hometown of Dayton, Ohio. I’d been teaching part-time and writing for the previous decade, but my first wife was pregnant with our second daughter, and she wanted to cut back on her work as a psychologist so she could spend more time with our new child than she had with our first. I was our first daughter’s primary caregiver during the day while my wife worked (I taught and wrote at night), and I thought it only fair that my wife got her chance to be a (mostly) stay-at-home mom. This meant I needed a full-time job, and I was thrilled to land one, especially at Sinclair, where I was hired to teach composition and creative writing, and to serve as the department’s coordinator of creative activities. But we lived in Columbus at the time, about a ninety-minute drive from Dayton, which meant we needed to move. My wife, however, was on bedrest. Our first daughter had been born prematurely, and my wife’s doctor advised her to remain in bed as much as she could during her second pregnancy. This meant she couldn’t travel to Dayton with me to look at houses. There were no smart phones back then, no Facetime, etc., so I took a video camera with me to record my walk-throughs of potential new homes.During my trips to Dayton, whenever I stopped someplace to eat or gas up my car, I kept seeing missing child fliers for a nine-year-old girl named Erica Baker. They were everywhere. My first daughter was four years old, and I kept thinking that I was moving my family to a place where young girls disappeared. Yeah, I know, my horror writer’s imagination was at work, but it was also my father’s protective instincts kicking in as well. It was so damn sinister. (Poor Erica’s disappearance would remain a mystery for years, but eventually the man who hit and killed her with his van confessed. He had a criminal record, and he took her body from the scene in the hope of concealing the girl’s death. He was convicted and served time, but Eric’s body has never been found.) Those fliers stayed up for years, and Erica’s face and name haunted me during all that time.
As I settled in to my new job at Sinclair, I started publishing horror stories more regularly and in higher-profile venues such as Cemetery Dance. I’d worked hard to develop a “Tim Waggoner” style of horror, a kind of surreal, psychological dark fantasy. I’d used this style in The Harmony Society, but now I wanted to try to write a horror novel and sell it to Leisure. At the time, Leisure was putting out two horror novels a month, and I bought and read almost all of them. Don D'Auria published all kinds of horror, from fun pulp to more literary stuff, and I loved it all. I felt that Don was as much a horror fan as I was, and that if anyone could “get” my stuff, he would. Even after having completed The Harmony Society, I didn’t have a good grasp on how to tell the kind of surreal stories I liked to write at novel length. But after reading Douglas Clegg’s You Come When I Call You and Tom Piccirilli’s A Lower Deep(both Leisure releases, of course), I felt I’d finally figured it out.I decided to use the mystery of a missing child in my story, remembering how haunted I’d been by Erica Baker’s disappearance, but I needed more. I decided to challenge myself by using two horror tropes that in general I find disinteresting – ghosts and serial killers – and see what I could do with them. I also decided that I’d let my imagination run completely wild and let it take me wherever it would.
The result was Like Death.
It was 2002, and I planned to attend the World Horror Convention in Chicago. Several editors were going to be taking pitches from authors at the con, Don among them, and I was ready and eager to pitch Like Death. I emailed the appropriate person to request pitch sessions, and I specifically asked for Don, but I didn’t get him. I was assigned to pitch to a couple other editors. I was very disappointed not to get a pitch session with Don, but I decided that I’d try to talk to him at the con and see if he’d be interested in taking a look at my novel.
It was only a few months after 9/11, and I was nervous about flying, but I was determined to go. Several days before the con, I fell onto a paved park path while carrying my second daughter, and while I managed to hold onto her and land on my side, protecting her from the impact, I didn’t do such a good job protecting my ribs. (Ironically, this was the same park which features in that chapter in Like Death, and if you’ve read the book, you know what I’m talking about.) A visit to my doctor revealed my ribs weren’t broken, or even cracked, but they hurt like a bitch. I have medical anxiety, and I made the mistake of researching rib injuries on the Internet. I learned that people often don’t breathe deeply enough when their ribs hurt, and that they sometimes contract pneumonia because of this. You better believe I started breathing as deeply as I could.
When I got to the con, I was already majorly stressed. My job demanded a lot from me, and my wife was still working in Columbus on the weekends, during which she’d stay with her parents who lived there, leaving me to wrangle both of our daughters while she was away. I was trying to grade papers and write on the weekends too, and my anxiety in general was through the roof, and I wasn’t taking meds for it. Traveling to the con, and being surrounded by so many people all the time just made things worse. I did get to meet Charles L. Grant, who was awarded the Grandmaster award that year, after only knowing him from the GEnie message boards, as well as Bob Weinberg and Lois Gresh, and a number of other online friends. Online friends were a new thing back then, and it was pretty special to get together with them in real life. And Charlie Grant was an absolutely legend.
The editor and agent pitches were on Saturday morning. Don D’Auria’s plane was delayed, and he didn’t make it. I pitched Like Death to a British editor who told me she liked the book’s premise but that “horror is crap right now” in terms of the market, so there was little chance she would publish it. I think she requested my agent send the book to her anyway. In my mind, I was like Why come all the way from England to a horror convention and listen to pitches for horror novels if you think the market for horror is crap? Later in the day, Don made it to the con, and after a panel he was on, I caught him in the hallway, introduced myself, and asked if he was going to be rescheduling the pitch sessions he’d missed. I didn’t tell him I hadn’t actually been scheduled for one of those sessions, though. Don pulled out a small planner notebook, and we made an appointment to meet for a pitch. I’m sure it was later that day, but I don’t remember when we got together specifically. When I pitched Like Deathto Don, he thought it sounded good and told me to have my agent send it to him. I was, of course, thrilled – and I felt guilty for having scammed my way into a pitch session with him, but not that guilty.
Don D'Auria and me at the 2006 World Horror Convention in San Francisco
All of my stress – over my job, my hurt ribs, being an introvert acting like an extrovert for the weekend – began to get the best of me. On Sunday morning, I accidently took a double dose of Sudafed, had way too many cups of coffee at breakfast, and my heart rate shot into the stratosphere. My rapid pulse only made me more anxious, and instead of catching my flight home, I called a cab to take me to the nearest hospital. I figured I was fine, but I didn’t want to take a chance that I wasn’t. I wish I’d just gone home. Instead, I ended up in a lousy hospital (with a staff who hated working there and complained about it all the time) in the cardiac unit for three days before I finally got an ultrasound of my heart, and a doctor told me my problem was just stress and I should go home. He gave me a few beta blockers and some anxiety meds to take, and told me to follow up with my doctor at home. Sometimes I think that this experience was the Universe’s way of balancing the scales. Like Death would eventually get published, so I had to endure several days in a miserable hospital with a pulse that kept pounding like a jackrabbit’s, trying to convince myself I wasn’t going to die. (I started taking an anti-anxiety med as well as an antidepressant after that. I got some therapy, learned how to manage my anxiety and establish a better work-life balance, and in general I’ve been fine ever since.)Don had Like Death for a couple years before he made an offer. Several years later, I was at a con in New York City, and I got to visit Don at the Leisure offices. He had manuscripts stacked everywhere in his office, and I understood then why it had taken Don so long to read my book. He actually read all the submissions he got. When Don made the offer, I discovered that Leisure’s advances were low, but Leisure books showed up in bookstores all over the country (back when there were a lot more bookstores around), they had a horror club people could join and get each month’s horror books mailed to them, and they promoted their books on the web and in horror magazines. I decided all of that was more important to me than a larger advance at that point in my career. Plus, Don liked the weird-ass horror that I wrote, and when a writer connects with an editor who really understands their stuff and who believes in it as much as you do . . . well, that means a whole hell of a lot. And it was cool to be a Leisureauthor. In the horror community, it was like being a celebrity, plus it was wonderful to see my work come out from the same company that published so many writers I admired: Gary A. Braunbeck, Brian Keene, Jack Ketchum, Ramsey Campbell, Tom Piccirilli, Douglas Clegg, Bryan Smith, Thomas Tessier, Melanie Tem, Sara Pinborough, John Skipp, Tim Lebbon, T.M. Wright, Mary Sangiovanni, Edward Lee, Richard Laymon, Mort Castle, P.D. Cacek, Simon Clark, Ray Garton, Sephera Giron, Ed Gorman, John Everson, Rick Hautala, Elizabeth Massie, Graham Masterton, William Nolan, James Moore, Michael Laimo . . .
Like Death was published, got good reviews, and horror readers seemed to dig it. The artist Caniglia did the cover, and he was nice enough to send me a print of it, which hangs in my office to this day.
Like Death was followed by two more books: Pandora Drive and Darkness Wakes. My sales weren’t awesome, and Don told me that if they didn’t pick up, he might not be able to make an offer on a fourth book from me. I realized that I hadn’t done a whole lot to promote my first two Leisure releases, so I decided I was going to do my best to promote the hell out of Darkness Wakes. And during my efforts, I made the mistake of mentioning on a horror message board that if the book didn’t sell well, Leisure would likely drop me.
(A quick aside: Some year’s later I found out that a woman in Florida read Pandora Drive and, fearing that I might be dangerous to my students, wrote a letter to the Dayton police department. You can read the letter here: http://writinginthedarktw.blogspot.com/2011/11/think-before-you-slice.htm)
Me at the 2006 WHC reading from the novel that makes Florida women think I'm a dangerous lunatic
Then Leisure began getting emails and posts on their website’s message boards asking them to keep publishing me. Most of these messages were polite and professional, but – and this won’t come as a shock to those of you who’ve spent more than a few seconds on the Internet – some were not. I appreciate those readers who liked my work well enough to ask Leisure to bring out more books by me, but the publisher wasn’t happy with the optics of the whole situation which people saw as Mean company being mean to nice writer of weird horror. Don relayed the publisher’s unhappiness to me, and I began to spread the word that, while I appreciated people’s support, it would probably be best for everyone to get off Leisure’s case for a while. Thankfully, people listened.
Leisure ended up dropping me anyway. Did the email/message board campaign I accidentally started have anything to do with it? I doubt it. I’d long known that writers have about three books to establish themselves, and if you don’t sell well enough, that publisher won’t bring out your fourth book. I was disappointed, of course, but I’d been writing tie-in books for Wizards of the Coast, as well as other companies (I know better than to ever put all my eggs in one basket in this business), and I continued onward, writing and publishing, sometimes more tie-in stuff, sometimes horror for small-press publishers.
Eventually, Don was hired to create a horror line for Samhain, a small-press romance publisher that wanted to branch out. I sent him my surreal zombie apocalypse novel The Way of All Flesh. He published it and also re-printed my novella A Strange and Savage Garden. No advances, royalties only, but I figured it was worth it to work with Don again. If anyone could build a successful horror line, it was him. But Samhain had no clue how to market horror, and the publisher eventually died. Don worked as a freelance editor for a while, then he got the chance to develop a horror line at Flame Tree Press, where he’s published my novels The Mouth of the Dark, They Kill, and The Forever House, with Your Turn to Suffer and We Will Rise written and forthcoming. And I recently signed to do two more books for Flame Tree (which I have yet to write): A Hunter Called Night and Lord of the Feast. Once these last two books are written, I’ll have done twelve books with Don, the most I’ve done with any editor. It’s pretty damn amazing when I take the time to think about it. Flame Tree, while small press, busts their asses to promote their authors, and I’m happy with how things have worked out there for me. I still write media tie-in novels for other publishers, which I enjoy, but horror is where my cold black heart will always be – and Leisure was where it all started.Okay, as I promised earlier, here are the two essays I wrote for Leisure’s website back in the day. Hopefully they’ll provide a little more insight to the books I did for Leisure – and into where horror authors get their strange ideas.
Cruising by Pandora Drive
Close to twenty years ago, my wife and I were still newlyweds, both in graduate school, living in a small apartment, childless and – despite all the studying we had to do and papers we had to write – with plenty of time on our hands.
One afternoon during those newlywed days, we were out driving around the Dayton, Ohio, area with no particular destination in mind. (Given how today I have to drive like Speed Racer on a cocaine and amphetamine cocktail just to get somewhere late, the idea of driving for the fun of it seems nearly unfathomable to me now.) I can’t remember which of us was driving. Probably me since I hate being a passenger and am only truly comfortable in a vehicle if I’m operating it. (Can you say control issues?) As we were driving around, a street sign caught my eye. It said Pandora Drive.
I grew up in the country, where most roads are named after families who’d lived in the area since God was a teenager. Mote Road, Emerick Road, Jay Road . . . Serviceable names, but hardly evocative for someone like me, blessed (or cursed, you might say) with an overactive imagination.
But Pandora Drive . . . now there was a street name to conjure with! A story idea popped into my head. What if there was a woman, a Pandora, living on this street? And what if, like her counterpart in Greek myth, she unleashed terrible woes upon her friends and neighbors? But unlike the classical Pandora, the plagues mine would release would come from the repressed fantasies and desires of those who were unfortunate enough to live close to her.
The basic concept was workable, I was sure of that, but there was something missing . . .
Fast forward a couple decades.
Around the time my first daughter was born in the mid-nineties, we lived in a small apartment in Columbus, Ohio. Like so many good-sized cities, what everyone thought of as “Columbus” was really a downtown surrounded by other communities of varying sizes, each with its own name and separate identity. One of these places was called Minerva Park – another evocative name, one reminiscent of Pandora Drive. The cool thing about this community was that earlier in the twentieth century, it had been home to an amusement park. Of course, the park was old and abandoned by now, but the idea that people still lived nearby, that they’d even named the town after the park, fascinated me.
As so often happens when I’m writing, it seemed to me that two ideas – Pandora Drive and Minerva Park – might just be better than one. So I popped them both into the old mental mix-master, hit puree, and viola! Pandora Drive the novel was born.
Fast forward to last summer. In my author photo forLike Death, I’m wearing the same black jacket that I describe my main character wearing. It was just coincidence. I gave Scott that jacket only because I have a lousy imagination when it comes to real-world details.
Pandora Drive was a real place and that we were once again living in the Dayton area, it might be fun to have the author photo for this novel taken with me standing in front of the street sign. So we loaded our two daughters into our suburban cliché-mobile – a mini-van – and set out in search of a road I hadn’t seen in twenty years. (In case you’re wondering, we also had a ladder in the back to get me high enough so my face would be near the street sign.)
After a twenty-minute drive we reached our destination, and I was absolutely shocked and delighted. For across the street from the very road sign that inspired my book was a carnival: Ferris wheel, moon walk, funnel cakes, the whole deep-fried and outrageously overpriced enchilada. I couldn’t tell what organization – a church perhaps? – was sponsoring the carnival, and I didn’t care. We parked the van and set up the ladder next to the street sign with the carnival clearly visible in the background. I smiled and my wife snapped a few pictures.
Now you tell me: what are the odds of my coming up with a novel idea from a street sign, years later adding an amusement park into the mix, and then, after the novel has been accepted for publication and I’m returning to the street sign for the first time in two decades to have my picture taken, that there should be an honest-to-God carnival across the street?
And people wonder why I write the kind of stuff I do.
Darkness Wakes: Doors to Temptation
Originally posted on Leisure Books’ website in 2006.
There’s something almost impossible to resist about a door. Just ask Bluebeard’s wife, or the children who stumble upon the entrance to Narnia. Closed, locked, forbidden . . . Possibilities lie behind those doors, secrets both dark and wonderful. Will we have the courage to reach out, turn the knob, pull the door open, and step across the threshold? And if we do – once we’re on the other side and the door swings shut behind us with a soft snick of a lock being engaged – will we regret what we find there? Will we turn around, suddenly afraid, grip the knob and twist, only to find it locked, only to realize that a door, once it’s closed on us, can never truly be opened again?
It’s summertime, several years ago. My car needs to go into the shop for one reason or other. I can’t recall, but I’m sure whatever it was, it was expensive. My wife and daughters are going to come pick me up in the van after I drop off the other vehicle, but they can’t get there right away. No problem, I say. I’ll just walk over to the strip mall across the street and browse in the video store. They can pick me up there.
Southwestern Ohio can be stifling in the summer, and lines of sweat are rolling down the sides of my face by the time I enter the video store. I push the glass door open with a bell-tinkle, and a wave of air-conditioned cool slams into me like a sledgehammer carved out of ice. I nod “hello” to the indifferent clerk behind the counter and try to ignore the faint odor of mold and must as I begin checking out the display of previously used videos for sale. I make it a point to take my time browsing, knowing that it’s going to be a while before my wife and kids get here. (My wife runs on her own internal clock that never seems to be in sync with the rest of the world.) Eventually, tired of putzing around, I select a couple films – horror movies, probably, but I can’t remember – pay for them, and head back outside.
Now the sledgehammer that hits me feels as if it’s been forged from molten steel, but I ignore it. After all, I’ll just hop into our air-conditioned van and . . . Except, of course, the van’s not there. Wife-Time hasn’t caught up with Real-Time yet. Mildly irritated, but not really surprised, I decide to walk up and down the sidewalk in front of the strip mall. While I come here to rent videos all the time, I realize I have no idea what other businesses are housed on the premises. I’ve seenthem, sure, but I’ve never really paid attention to them. And as a writer, I’m supposed to pay attention – to everything.
Time to rectify this, I decide, and start walking.
I travel less than ten yards from the entrance to the video store – past a row of vending machines distributing newspapers and freebie publications of various sorts – before I find myself standing in front of a gray metal door. I stop and stare at it. There’s no business name on the door or above it, no windows on either side displaying wares. Nothing but brown brick surrounding it, flaking gray paint, rust nibbling at the chrome knob, the word FUCL scratched onto the surface, as if someone with a mild learning disability tried to leave their mark by etching an obscenity. I feel a thrill of adrenaline just below my sternum, a tingly-itchy sensation at the base of my skull. Here I am, maybe a dozen steps from the video store, and I’m standing in front of a door I have never noticed before. That, perhaps, never had been here before.
My imagination, always hyperactive at the best of times, kicks into overdrive.
The family van – a Ford Sierra displaying a license plate reading WAGGVAN – pulls up to the sidewalk sometime later (how long, I’m not sure). I climb into its air-conditioned comfort, and my wife starts apologizing for being so late. I barely hear her, mumble something along the lines of “That’s okay, honey.” I’m still thinking about that door . . .
Several days later, I’ve finished a short story titled “When God Opens a Door.” I’m pleased with it (which is saying something since, like a lot of writers, I worry that everything I produce is crap) and send it off to Robert Morrish at Cemetery Dancemagazine. Robert accepts the tale, and it eventually appears in CD 46. I imagine the kudos and award nominations rolling in, the requests to reprint the story in every Year’s Best Of anthology. (Remember what I said earlier about my hyperactive imagination?) That doesn’t happen, of course, but the story is received well enough, and I move on other projects.
A few years pass. I’ve published two horror novels with Leisure Books – Like Death and Pandora Drive – and I’m casting about for an idea to build a third book on. Let me amend that: I’m searching for a great idea. I have ideas all the time; the problem is sorting through the commonplace ones to find the gems, those worth developing into fully realized stories and novels.
Once more I find myself thinking about the FUCL door, and Darkness Wakes is born. The title was inspired by a fragment from the song “Music of the Night” in Andrew Lloyd Weber’s Phantom of the Opera: “Darkness wakes and stirs imagination.” That door certainly stirred my imagination.
I hope it does the same for yours.
Department of Shameless Self-Promotion
Like Deathwas originally published in 2005.
You find used paperbacks of the Leisure edition fairly easily, but Apex Publications re-released it in 2011. You can find it as a trade paperback here: https://www.amazon.com/Tim-Waggoner/dp/1937009092/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=tim+waggoner+like+death&qid=1592595529&s=books&sr=1-1
As an ebook here: https://www.amazon.com/Like-Death-Tim-Waggoner-ebook/dp/B00685GM6W/ref=tmm_kin_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1592595529&sr=1-1
And as an audiobook here: https://www.amazon.com/Like-Death/dp/B00BNWPLC6/ref=tmm_aud_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1592595529&sr=1-1
Pandora Drivewas originally published early in 2006.
You can find used paperbacks of it too fairly easily, and it’s been re-released as an ebook which you can pick up here: https://www.amazon.com/Pandora-Drive-Tim-Waggoner-ebook/dp/B00J6NH8SY/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=tim+waggoner+pandora+drive&qid=1592594981&s=books&sr=1-1
It's also available as an audiobook: https://www.amazon.com/Pandora-Drive/dp/B00BOZ0GQ8/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=tim+waggoner+pandora+drive&qid=1592595092&s=books&sr=1-1
Darkness Wakeswas originally published later in 2006.
You can find used paperbacks of this one fairly easily as well, and it’s also been re-released as an ebook: https://www.amazon.com/Darkness-Wakes-Tim-Waggoner-ebook/dp/B00PBTX4W6/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=tim+waggoner+darkness+wakes&qid=1592595296&s=books&sr=1-1
And it’s also available as an audiobook: https://www.amazon.com/Darkness-Wakes/dp/B00BLUMFCE/ref=tmm_aud_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1592595296&sr=1-1
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June 2, 2020
What I Believe
A rare personal post this time.
I may be able to write fiction, but I have a terrible time putting my personal thoughts and feelings into written words when it comes to important societal issues. I’ve seen people on social media saying that if you have a platform, it’s important to speak out now, but my platform is small, and I’m doubtful that many people who see the world differently than I do follow me on social media or read my blog. And even if someone of a different mindset sees my message, what good would it do? If they’ve held onto their point of view this long – after everything that’s happened in America over the last few years – how can I get them to even think about what I say, let alone change their minds? Still, for whatever small amount of good it might do, here’s what I believe. I believe humans can accomplish more by working together than by being in conflict with one another. I believe that people matter more than things. Things mean nothing. People mean everything. I believe in seeking the greatest amount of good for the greatest amount of people. I believe making a better world serves everyone in the long term, whether you’re altruistic or self-focused. A better world is a better world for everyone. I believe this is a position that’s equally supported by emotion and logic. I believe people should never stop growing mentally, emotionally, and spiritually, and that it’s our responsibility as sentient beings to seek to be the best version of ourselves we can be. We should never be afraid to question our beliefs and we should do so regularly. I believe we should never be afraid to change and never be afraid to apologize when we’ve wronged someone. I believe we should listen more than we talk because we learn so much more when we do. If you can’t listen, it means you believe what you have to say is more important than what anyone else has to say, and that means you’re either self-centered, arrogant, foolish, close-minded, ignorant or any combination. I believe humans are never finished growing until we die (and maybe not even then). I believe all human beings should have equal rights in all things and be treated with dignity. I stand with people of all races, all gender expressions, all sexualities, all religions, all backgrounds, all anything. I do not stand with hate of any kind, with those who believe certain people should be excluded or oppressed or marginalized or disenfranchised or brutalized or killed because they aren’t the “right” kind of people or living the "right" kind of way. I do not stand with willful ignorance. I believe it is wrong to exploit others, in any way, for our own benefit. I believe that everyone should support our LGBTQ family, and I believe that if your response to “Black lives matter” is anything but “yes,” you need to do some serious work on yourself. I believe if you need a gun in your hand to feel strong, you’re weak, and if you get off on the power of holding a gun and can’t wait to use that power against others, even if only to intimidate them or impress them, you are an extremely sad and potentially dangerous person. I believe I can speak only for myself and of my own experiences, and I cannot speak for others. I believe I was fortunate to be born white and male in a time and place where that puts me automatically at the top of the power structure. I’ll never fully understand all the ways this benefits me, and I’ll never be completely free of the attitudes that I was taught by society as I was growing up, but I will keep on trying for as long as I live. I believe in doing what I can to help others and using my privilege to make the world a better place. I am not religious. I don’t care if there is a god or an afterlife. I believe in doing the right thing because it’s right, not because some powerful being will punish me with hellfire if I do bad or reward me with a cosmic lollipop in the end if I do good. I believe in extending my hand to all of you to shake, holding out my arms if you want to come in for a hug, and if you turn away from me, and from the rest of us, that’s your choice. But I believe you will live a small, lonely, and ultimately empty life.
I never close comments on my posts, but I've closed them for this one, for obvious reasons.
