S. Kelley Harrell's Blog: Intentional Insights - Ancient Healing, Modern Shamanism, page 77

Life Betwixt – Prophecy, Everyday Life, and The Cradling (Part 1)

The prophecy of the bone is the upheaval of the mind. ~Kelley Harrell

I’ve been a lifelong intuitive, though it wasn’t until my late teens that I understood what that really means. At that point, I knew it meant that I perceived in minute detail subtler currents that others missed. Now, I realize it also means that kind of perception comes with a price.

For those of you who are new to the Betwixt series , on select Thursdays I shed light on lesser discussed aspects of the modern shamanic path, and the nuances of how it impacts every day life. For this installation, I drag the shadowed concept of prophecy from the corner, and give it the spotlighted attention it deserves.

Years ago I had a teacher who told me that detox and the symptoms of it, with regard to changes in life force, were a myth. I understood what he meant–that we don’t have to be sick to get well. We don’t have to suffer for healing.  ‘No pain no gain’ is a choice. I understood his words intellectually, though my experience with how life intentionally engages with primal forces really works has been something different. Frankly, life not intentionally engaged with primal forces–as in my childhood, before I knew what all of this was–wasn’t without suffering, either.

Sure, theoretically we all have the potential to realize we’re so evolved that we can skip the messy work of human life, physical being, and interpersonal drama.  So then, why don’t we? Why aren’t we all perfectly healthy, sated, sane, and rolling in the big bucks?

In short, because it doesn’t work that way. We don’t get to skip anything. I’ve met people who have, for lack of a better wording, moved beyond it. Whatever it is, and however they did it, they did. The thing that everyone of them relates is that there was pain with gain. There was the grief of letting go of one way of being, so that another could come in. There was the letting go of rigid perspective in order to hold a more healthy and flexible one.

For me, it goes something like this: Mid-January of this year, unsettling feelings began seeping into my everyday. I couldn’t clarify what they were. Yes, my everyday stays little to the left and I manage interesting neurochemistry, so I just sat with how I felt. I didn’t judge it. A few days later, a cousin that I’d been close to in my teens died. A terribly sad matter, I expressed my support to him and our family, and breathed through that tragic loss. Shortly after, the odd feelings cleared up.

In mid-March, I began to feel what I can only describe as a mental break, and yes, I know what that feels like. My perceptions and feelings seemed outside myself, or as if they belonged to someone else, which I recognized as symptoms of soul loss. Generally, soul loss happens after a trauma; I had experienced none. Remaining attentive to my mental health, I consulted my spirit teachers about it, and they assured me it wasn’t me. There was no lack of soul care on my part. All was well.

Except that it wasn’t. I monitored the feelings, and they got worse. I made The Phone Call, and found a therapist in hopes of gaining some coping skills with How My Life Works. I told my partner what was going on, and talked to Tribe about it. I don’t pretend that my life is fine when it isn’t. I work my support networks, and I call in reinforcements on all levels. I engaged my spirit guides again, and once more they informed me that I was not the focus of disarray at a soul, mental, or even chemical level. I was, however, clearly feeling it.

The dissonance intensified. I started experiencing feelings of trance when I wasn’t intending them. As if reality had folded over on itself, life and its liminal layer played out for me at the same time. Such may be ideal to some people–to have a perfectly overlaid experience of the immediate moment with its spiritual significance at the same time. I suspect some would call that being truly present, in the moment. For me, it was horrifying. It felt like postpartum on speed. Walking through the day, I felt as if I could come out of my skin at any moment, and that aspects of me actually had.

Again, when I reached out to my guides for help, I got a “try again later” for my effort. They were in a state I’ve experienced before, which I call ‘cosmic triage,’ when crisis is so intense in my life that I need to sit tight, tend my practical needs, let them manage everything else. In short, the shit was hitting the fan, I just didn’t know when the blowback was going to happen.

I freaked out. This dynamic happened once before, when I was seventeen.  That summer, a generation of our family died–three elders–plus a cousin my age. From June to September, each died a-month-to-the-day apart. Those transitions razed my family, and took years to heal. I didn’t have a context for it at the time, but I experienced the same feelings of panic and separation before those deaths. In The Spirit of a Woman, I wrote about how unsettled I became prior to them, and the shocking sadness that settled after realizing I had known about their deaths, before.

Making that connection only heightened my distress in the present. My partner was flying to a conference, and I was filled with dread at the thought. Strange things began to happen around the house-odd shadows, feelings of paranoia, electronic oddities. At one point I heard a woman’s laughter when I was home alone. It was familiar, though I couldn’t place it.  Then our six-year-old daughter fell and broke her arm. The accident was stressful, though I was somewhat relieved, thinking that was IT.

It wasn’t.

Nights were the worst. I spent them feeling even more outside myself, experiencing waves of emotions, ranging from sheer delight and joy to terror and intense sadness. I felt nauseous, woozy with vertigo, and little electrical jolts through my body akin to fever. Several times, I had sensations of a presence pushing into my body, that triggered deep distress. I thought I was losing my mind. I continued my self-care on all levels, and held tight. My partner left for his trip, and contacted me when he landed. We talked about the things I was feeling, and I rested as well as I could.

The next day I learned that my grandmother was being taken off life support. Long story short, she and I have a very complex relationship, all realities considered. I realized the jumble of feelings that had been rifling through weren’t mine; they were hers. Her deathwalk co-mingled with my etheric field, and when I realized that, I spoke with her at length. The atmosphere lightened.

She died within two days. Things lightened for a couple of weeks, though I confess, I was still nervous. I couldn’t help but think of our family’s past cluster of losses, and feel tense. Three weeks after her death, the feelings began to ramp up again, and I braced myself.

Continued in Part II, next week.

 

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The Weekly Rune – Isa

For the week of 12 July 2015

Reprieve + growth is the formula for this week.

Fehu sustains as the half-month rune until 14 July, after which point Uruz steps in. Isa remains the intuitive stave. Read right to left is Fehu above, Uruz below, then Isa.

Following is a summary of The Weekly Rune. Read the full cast to learn more about the half-month rune’s influence, and how to receive The Weekly Rune before everyone else. Find my runic artwork on Etsy.

Last week, as Isa was the intuitive stave then, as well, I spoke a good bit about the nature of this final winter stave. In the three years that I’ve written The Weekly Rune, Isa has only presented six times, with two of those being last week and this week. That’s significant cred indicating how intense the stillness of ice is. Her message of being held back until ready takes on a different meaning under the changing guard of Fehu to Uruz.

Isa imparts a sense of being constrained, frozen as it were. All of the winter runes do, though each brings a unique nuance to its influence. Hagalaz (hail) and Nauthiz (need) each bring  sense of destruction and surrender to the elements of life. They are among the most harsh staves that can be cast. As the closure of that cycle, Isa carries a somewhat gentler energy. Where Hagalaz has brought down the defective known, then Nauthiz has held our feet to the fire to embrace the truth that emerges from the ensuing emptiness, Isa leaves us in the fitful rest of wanting to act on the new wisdom coming in. Yet the very nature of Isa is to be frozen, immobilized, suspended. Of course it requires a lot of energy to be still, but how many of us really want to be still?

Uruz as the half-month stave makes that tension even stronger. With Uruz, we feel that we know the answer to the question, we just can’t quite put our finger on what it is. That niggly frustration is the underlying itch of the next couple of weeks.

Uruz is primal feminine life force. It is the epitome of the deep unconscious, and interestingly, it’s sourced from the ice world of Niflheimr. As it symbolizes Audhumla, the Divine Feminine who brought herself into being from ice blocks as an auroch, Uruz is the mascot of life no longer fitting. When this wild thing shows up, initiation is afoot.

 

The potency of this transformation into a life that fits better combined with Isa enforcing such to its deepest potential can’t be understated this week. The brilliance of Uruz gains a few extra seconds to manifest in the reprieve of Isa. For this week, we get extra support in making sure we know what we think we know, and doing something with it.

 

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Celebrate the Small Things – Gratitude

My weekly gratitude post, in the Celebrate the Small Things [ongoing] Blog Hop.

I’m grateful for family recovery from a horrific virus.

I’m grateful for family birthday time.

I’m thankful for finishing a cool art project.

I’m happy for a reprieve from pain.

I’m grateful for therapeutic breakthroughs.

What are you grateful for this week? How will you show thanks? Who is grateful for you? I am!

This post is part of Lexa Cain’s blog hop, Celebrate the Small Things, along with her  co-hostesses L.G. Keltner and Katie. Participate by following the link and adding your name to the Linky list, then post your gratitude every Friday.  Easiest blog hop ever!

Click here to hop on, and thanks for coming with me on this journey of self-empowerment and collective awareness.

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The Weekly Rune – Isa

For the week of 5 July 2015

Reprieve + acknowledgement is the formula for this week.

Fehu sustains as the half-month rune, with Isa as the intuitive stave. Read right to left is Fehu, then Isa.

Following is a summary of The Weekly Rune. Read the full cast to learn more about the half-month rune’s influence, and how to receive The Weekly Rune before everyone else. Find my runic artwork on Etsy.

This closing winter stave is walk-don’t-run energy if there every was such. The entrance of it as the intuitive stave for this week indicates deep care directed toward finances. More to the point, it’s a time to give extra care to whatever feeds us, whatever keeps our lights on, at all levels. It’s not a time to worry about money; rather, to truly take care of what brings it to us.

What? That’s right. Money, itself, isn’t what feeds us–this week, anyway. Yes, for most of us money = wealth. That’s our modern take on Fehu. With Isa overseeing it, though, the efforts we make to earn money are the focus. Most of the time we notice the presence or absence of wealth. We don’t generally give as much attention to the wellbeing of the process through which we acquire it. How often do we address our sources of income with gratitude? How often do we express thanks for the job, rather than its benefits? For the influence of the life force (or soul, if you’re so inclined) of that job?

And of course, if the source of wealth isn’t a desirable engagement, this is the time to have that conversation, as well. It requires not only soul-searching about more appropriate ways to sustain wealth, but also about how to engage wealth, period.

Isa is often put forward as a time of rest, though it’s more of a ‘ring not pass’ boundary. This stave brings active rest, the kind that binds us on the outside, and forces us to find the wisdom we need to move forward, inside. In fact, we won’t move forward until we find it. As spring can’t come until winter thaws, so headway can’t be made with satisfaction in how we sustain ourselves until we become impeccably informed of what satisfies us.

 

 

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Celebrate the Small Things – Gratitude

My weekly gratitude post, in the Celebrate the Small Things [ongoing] Blog Hop.

I’m grateful for happy, healthy children.

I’m grateful for another meaningful trip around the sun.

I’m thankful to have had time and energy to start a new art project.

I’m thankful for fun games with good friends.

I’m grateful for running, clean water.

I’m happy to greet summer, despite that it slays me.

What are you grateful for this week? How will you show thanks? Who is grateful for you? I am!

This post is part of Lexa Cain’s blog hop, Celebrate the Small Things, along with her  co-hostesses L.G. Keltner and Katie. Participate by following the link and adding your name to the Linky list, then post your gratitude every Friday.  Easiest blog hop ever!

Click here to hop on, and thanks for coming with me on this journey of self-empowerment and collective awareness.

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Reiki and Self-Healing – Getting Back to Basics

In my woo circles, I’m the Reiki Master that no one knows is a Reiki Master. It isn’t because I don’t use or teach it, or because it’s become the Catalina Dressing of the holistic healing world. Rather, it’s a quiet thing for me, or should I say a very internal thing. Indeed it plays second fiddle to my shamanic focus, though I still consider it a very useful feather to have in my cap.

I also have to add that I just don’t resonate with a lot of the culture that has sprung up around Reiki, the arguing about who’s doing it right, what Usui really meant, what hand positions or visionary experiences create a departure from Reiki and segué into some totally new modality. The thing that mostly drives me away from the Reiki community is the lack of people who actually do it.

There. I said it, and here’s why.

I meet a lot of people who have completed the first two levels, even Masters, who say it works great on other people but it doesn’t work so great on themselves. They get miraculous responses, wonderful results, when they do Reiki on their clients; however, they get nadda when they do it on themselves. I’ve listened to an internationally known Reiki Master assert that true energy healing requires three presences (channel, Source and client), that two just doesn’t work, so self-healing can’t occur. I’ve even heard one say that it isn’t a good system for self-healing, that other systems are required for such, or healing from another Master is needed. I hear this, and I can’t help but wonder if we’re talking about the same modality. I also wonder about our definitions of healing–but that’s another post.

I firmly believe that the bickering about ownership and accuracy has created problems in the way that Reiki is taught in the west. There is more emphasis on whether it’s okay to sit in metal chairs for a Reiki session than there is on the kotodama. I hear more discussion about the sin of revealing the symbols than on how they actually work. Even better, there’s more emphasis on it being a healing system than on the fact that it was intended to be a self-awareness system.

That’s right. My understanding of Usui’s work is that Reiki was created to be a method for so deeply embodying the self through the synergy of kotodama and symbols–that is, sacred sound, focus, and action–that a connection to All Things, Source, The Great Spirit, the Multiverse, whatever we want to call it–was created. Within that state of awareness, things in and around us can’t help but feel better.

In other words, healing is an indirect result, not the focus, of Reiki.

So when people say to me that Reiki works really well on other people but not so well on themselves, what I’m hearing is their projection of the outcome of healing, rather than intending and experiencing self-awareness. It isn’t that practitioners aren’t doing Reiki sessions for self and others, they aren’t embodying full self-awareness in order to be effective in that work. The key to any true healing modality is embodiment. That’s true of any self practice or healing approach, not just Reiki.  If you can’t become the practice, you can’t do it well.

“When I say ‘practice’ I don’t mean repeating an act until you get it right. In this use, it means to instill regular discipline to accomplish a specific task, ritual without which we feel incomplete, or that our experience of each day is less.” Teen Spirit Guide to Modern Shamanism

Without the first step of coming into self-awareness, which is embodying the self completely, which is embodying the awareness of All Things in the moment, nothing beyond can happen. The reason it works better with other people than on self in this setting is because clients have no projection into that outcome.  Master is the channel of the life force, client is the receiver. Clients’ expectations don’t knowingly rest on the Master achieving that state of awareness; in fact, they’re oblivious to what the Master is doing. Clients lie down and enter the zone; that’s their part of the work, receiving as is intended.

When practitioners perform Reiki for themselves, they become the channel and the client. This recursive channel dynamic is what most of us were taught in Reiki classes, and therein lies the rub. It isn’t possible to subscribe to either of those roles and achieve and sustain connection with All. Roles must be dropped in order to reach that state. Self-lightness is required. It is easier to attain that boundlessness for a client than it is for ourselves. That fact is true of any kind of caregiver work. It’s always easier to do when it’s not personal. There’s no shame in that. Without that total embodiment, self never becomes the bridge to draw down interconnectedness. Without that bond, it can’t work. If it doesn’t work, we’re not allowing Reiki on ourselves.

The beautiful thing about Reiki is that it provides the means to manifest exactly that. It’s broken down in steps, levels, that if delivered carefully and with attention to our unique ability to merge with the overall process, serves keen self-awareness. For this reason Usui didn’t rush it. There were no weekend classes to mastery. It took time to train the brain and heart to let go and let gather.

To gain that self-awareness, go back to the teachings of Shoden and re-iterate the hand positions until awareness can be directed to them, until they can be awakened with mere thought.  Return to Okuden and integrate the life force of the kotodama and symbols into the form. Experience how it feels to unite with them, beyond them. If you’re an animistic sort, call in their souls and communicate with them. Form a relationship with them. Diligent practice of doing so makes it easier to achieve a state of interconnectedness on demand. Again, such discipline is true of any mindfulness practice. The more it is performed, the more readily the brain seats into trance. When this state is accomplished, healing manifests, alone or in grand company.

It isn’t about the inability to heal oneself or the presence needed, but the need to situate more deeply into self, period. The more we come into our awareness, specifically in this context, using the tools Usui provided via Reiki, healing just happens. It’s simplistic, elegant, and absolutely functioning as intended.

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The Weekly Rune – Berkano

For the week of 28  June 2015

Recognition of completed works takes precedence this week, as does applying the spoils of taking stock.

Recall that in the runic calendar, Dagaz is the last rune rather than Othala, as in the Elder Futhark. On the 29th, the half-month rune shifts from Dagaz to Fehu. The intuitive stave is Berkano. To the right is Dagaz atop Fehu, with Berkano to the left.

Following is a summary of The Weekly Rune. Read the full cast to learn more about the half-month rune’s influence, the Summer Solstice runes, and how to receive The Weekly Rune before everyone else. Find my runic artwork on Etsy.

Dagaz has run us through the paces of accounting for our days. This midsummer we’ve taken stock of each day, realizing what’s most important to us, what reinforces us, what tears us down, thus what must go. This is the Heart Accounting that Dagaz demands, as well as the stamina to back up the demanded change to support our deepest needs. This process gives way to Fehu, the stave of wealth.

The deepening of that story is that the wealth of Fehu requires tending. It doesn’t just happen out-of-the-blue. It’s no accident, and thought and desire take elbow to ground into being. The careful calculations of Dagaz laid the ground work that Fehu is to be built upon. This half-month lies in our favor to create what we need right now, though still in the spirit of Dagaz, the building requires daily attention. We learned a new routine under Dagaz. Maintain it, and Fehu can pay off.

Berkano brings in a feminine element, specifically that of midwifing. Interesting about Berkano is it carries all of these connotations of nurture, the realization of having gestated something to fruition, yet it’s not maternal. It is not Mother. It isn’t doting. Midwife brings in a needed detachment, the ability to realize the end of a grand thing, the potential for more to come, and the restraint to not overdo.

This time cannot be pushed into being. Tend it, grow it. Remember to step back every now and then and just let it be. The plan can always be re-envisioned, though now is not that time. Take notes. Think about the desire, but don’t get caught up in it.  In short, do what works to create a productive day, then when sun sets, let the day be done.

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To celebrate their book birthdays, for two more days, the Teen Spirit Guide to Modern Shamanism ebook and its sibling in the Teen Spirit series (which was released the same day), Teen Spirit Wicca by David Salisbury, will both be available for $0.99. Thanks for your support!

 

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Celebrate the Small Things – Gratitude

My weekly gratitude post, in the Celebrate the Small Things [ongoing] Blog Hop.

I’m grateful for Rob Reinhardt, the best dad our Twinkies could ever have.

I’m thankful for a really great Summer Solstice event, where I met lots of great people, and had fun doing Rune readings.

I’m thankful to have been asked to do Readings at the Dancing Moon, this fall.

I’m thankful for good friends.

I’m grateful for the reminder of reason amidst habits that are not so much working.

I’m happy to still be celebrating the one-year birthday of Teen Spirit Guide to Modern Shamanism! Download the ebook for $0.99 through the end of June.

What are you grateful for this week? How will you show thanks? Who is grateful for you? I am!

This post is part of Lexa Cain’s blog hop, Celebrate the Small Things, along with her  co-hostesses L.G. Keltner and Katie. Participate by following the link and adding your name to the Linky list, then post your gratitude every Friday.  Easiest blog hop ever!

Click here to hop on, and thanks for coming with me on this journey of self-empowerment and collective awareness.

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Betwixt – Feathers and Felonies

In the Betwixt series, I talk a lot about Nature Spirit Allies. For many seekers, these allies are engaged through work with fetishes, or power items, as has become the phrase-of-the-day. For a shamanist, this means possessing some likeness of the Nature being, whether it’s a figurine, an image, a bit of fur, a feather… The connection isn’t just to keep memorabilia of a fond totem near. When we engage Nature Spirits a relationship is formed, in which reciprocity of need-meeting occurs. In other words, it’s a living connection, not just a weird trinket dangling from the rearview mirror.

I frequently see a lot of discussion around the use of feathers and animal parts in such sacred work. Most of the talk centers around fondness for feathers. The thing I don’t see in these discussions is the statement that it is illegal in the United States to possess many native feathers.  It is a felony. Every time I interject that fact into the communiqué I’m met with annoyance, excuses, rebellion, and, well, gibbering confusion.

Honestly, it’s the latter of those that bothers me the most. It bothers me that people profess to work in a sacred manner with fetishes for which they haven’t researched the grounded facts. Sacred work isn’t just the etheric, esoteric, woo part. It’s also the Responsible To All Other Life part. I’m an animist. I think it’s awesome if someone feels an interconnection to a particular bird, or receives a message in the treasure of a feather. Sustaining that lovely blessing doesn’t require possession.

Why is it illegal? Well, mostly because the Migratory Bird Treaty Act of 1918 says it is. This Act was created as a result of birds dying for decor. That’s right–they were killed to spruce up Victorian wardrobes. Bird populations dwindled to become plumage on fancy hats. Other similar Acts were passed in the U.S. other countries, and laws pertaining to the treatment and handling of specific species were set from those. Keep in mind, this is just federal law on such; there are also state regulations that are quite stringent.

Many people also errantly assume that the law only pertains to wild birds. Not true. It also includes more common species, like mallards, crows, and varieties of finches. Check out a detailed list of feathers that are illegal in the Migratory Bird Treaty Act.

This is not to say that there aren’t ways to work with feathers. Not all birds are illegal. For instance, the feathers of turkeys, peacocks, and chickens are legal. These are not only lovely to work with, they can also be painted to represent the markings of other bird feathers. Other birds are also legal if there is proof they were legally sourced, which means they came from a permitted handler. Also, Native Americans who are on respective roles may possess most feathers for religious purposes. Scientists and those who work with bird rehabilitation may also possess them, though within each of those groups there are exclusions that require permits. For instance, most laws stipulate that registered members of federally recognized tribes may posses feathers. This excludes Native Americans who are not registered on accepted roles, and state-recognized tribes.

That’s the part that gets most New Agers up in arms. If honoring Nature Spirits is part of their path, they feel they should be able to claim religious exemption, as well. Likewise, naysayers get up in arms about the resources of law enforcement being best-focused on busting real crimes.  To Native Americans this is a real crime, that goes back to the systematic decimation of their rights and cultures. The flaw in contemporary logic is that no other law specifically protects the religious rights of Native Americans. This is the only law created on behalf of their spiritual path, and it sustains because there are hundreds of years of precedence that their sacred work has included the feathers of birds. There is no New Age niche with that claim.

And most of us aren’t scientists or wildlife scholars spending our every effort and resources to save that which we love to primp our altars.

To learn more about feathers and how to work with them legally, Chris Maynard has summed feather legalities well. NaturalFeathers.com also shares a good summary of the laws.  Lupa maintains a page dedicated to informing on animal parts laws, broken down by state.

Do what’s right for you. If you want to risk it, inform yourself of the potential consequences. Unless you’re a dynamo at identifying feathers, leave them. Because if we really believe in our paths of Nature spirituality so strongly that we can argue who should have the right to possess feathers, then we also realize that the power of the feather is only partly its physical construct. Its essence is unseen, and we don’t have to pick that up from the ground. We can tap into it anywhere, anytime, without disrespect to anyone or anything–and without going to prison.

If you can perceive the connection, so it is. Having tantrums about who gets to have feathers and who doesn’t isn’t a very respectful way to honor that bond.

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The Weekly Rune – Ansuz

For the week of 21  June 2015

Speaking carefully is recommended this week, as is being aware of the slide toward darkness.

Read right to left is Dagaz, then Ansuz reversed. Dagaz remains the half-month rune through 29 June.

Following is a summary of The Weekly Rune. Read the full cast to learn more about the half-month rune’s influence, the Summer Solstice runes, and how to receive The Weekly Rune before everyone else. Find my runic artwork on Etsy.

Ansuz portends that through speaking our truth, we strengthen the bonds of communication in our lives. That sounds simple enough, though most of us are deeply challenged to do exactly that. It’s a very poetic and romantic call to action, though living it is something else entirely.

Ansuz literally translates to “breath,” which is perhaps the most fundamental expression of life force moving through us. We can’t live without it, and it’s also a primary way that we communicate with each other. It seems logical, then, that such a significant relationship and ownership of life force should be as authentic as possible. In that light, this stave speaks to the process leading up to what comes out of our mouths, which is where most of us get tangled in truth saying.

So the fusion of Dagaz and Ansuz makes more sense at this time. It becomes intensely more personally focused on that inner process before speech. In a day, how often do we censor ourselves? How often do we present ourselves as we truly are, as we truly intended? Such is the accounting to be measured now, and to be meted against the fleeting sunlight of our lives. It really is short, our time here, and what we do with every interaction with it determines the quality of our fulfillment.

Take time this week–no really, while the days are still long–and consider the you that dwells inside, and the you that is presented to the world. Where is the truth in each? Where is the insecurity in each? How do you reconcile them to create a clean slate for the darkness?

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To celebrate their book birthdays, for the month of June, the Teen Spirit Guide to Modern Shamanism ebook and its sibling in the Teen Spirit series (which was released the same day), Teen Spirit Wicca by David Salisbury, will both be available for $0.99. Yay!

 

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