E.I. Wong's Blog, page 2

Batman v Progressivism

While it may seem like crooks run the world

a gentle stream of justice shall flow through Gotham

Once Batman gets a sweet, juicy tax cut;

because nothing deters crime

like blingier batarangs

& an increased susceptibility to medical bankruptcy.

 

 

Tagged: america, author, humor, jokes, poem, poet, poetry, politics, writer, writing

Pimp Your LinkedIn cont.

Went on a job interview at a Zen monastery.

Didn’t have meditation experience

But according to my last three employers

I can sit around in a bathrobe with zero mental activity

like you wouldn’t believe.

 

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Pimp your LinkedIn/This Picnic is Filth

I’m a volunteer

anonymous life-coach

 

although I’d like to see myself

as the Gordon Ramsay

of volunteer anonymous life-coaches

 

who works primarily with small children, the elderly

or any other park-goer off put by a clown

in full military camouflage

 

& there are nine of us in the camouflage

 

but I’m the Gordon Ramsay.

Tagged: advice, author, books, creative writing, funny, humor, jokes, marketing, poem, poetry, writer, writing

My, what big wrists you have

Bannon: The Trump Presidency we fought for is DEAD

***one day later***

Trump: Thank you for protesting bigotry and hate!

 

 

It was then I felt

a great erection in the Universe

as if millions of haters cried out, “#WAR”

& were suddenly silenced by Facebook, Google, GoDaddy, Twitter, MSM, BLM, Muslims, Jews,  LGBTQs, Women, Latinos, Democrats, Republicans, Boston, The Pope, General Kelly, Heather Heyer and the sounds of their mothers saying their Meatball & Mozzarella LeanPockets were finished microwaving.

So yeah, global conspiracy confirmed

***

This piece is dedicated to Sir Richard Claxton Gregory – A true Knight of this Old Republic

Tagged: america, comedy, dick gregory, funny, humor, poem, poet, poetry, politics, trump, writer, writing

You only feel bad if you can feel

Each year

more people die from suicide

than from all the world’s armed conflicts

 

An issue America will undoubtedly solve

with increased military spending

while also continuing the harvest of occupied Afghanistan’s poppy supply

(they produce 90% of the world’s opium)

which will then be made into overpriced prescription pain killers

whose exorbitant costs will be subsidized

using the public’s own money

in the form of a private health insurance subscription discount

as negotiated by the host of The Celebrity Apprentice

& not the host of The Celebrity Apprentice who actually has governing experience,

 

the other one.

 

But yeah, the shocking part is that people are killing themselves.

Tagged: comedy, depression, humor, poem, poet, poetry, politics, suicide, words, writing

Optimism

Wouldn’t it be wonderful

if Democrats and Republicans

set aside their differences

& came together under one roof

& then, due to decades

of neglectful infrastructure funding policy,

erosion collapsed that roof?

Tagged: america, comedy, funny, humor, poem, poet, poetry, politics, satire, words, writer, writing

Optimisim

Wouldn’t it be wonderful

if Democrats and Republicans

set aside their differences

& came together under one roof

& then, due to decades

of neglectful infrastructure funding policy,

erosion collapsed that roof?

Tagged: america, comedy, funny, humor, poem, poet, poetry, politics, satire, words, writer, writing

Poet Robot – Now Available, Also… Goodbye for now

Today’s the day.

You can get the book here:

https://www.createspace.com/5919886

 

And now for a farewell (for now).

All methods, ideally, self-destruct.

I began this blog as a means of coping with depression, anxiety and anger.

I did so by expressing said depression, anxiety and anger

in jokes which made me laugh,

converting pain into something light and joyous.

 

But eventually, the natural pain subsides

and I was left with a vehicle

which demanded pain

such that beauty could be created.

 

So for many months, I asked myself to bleed

beyond what wounds were innately there,

 

and so the means of liberation from pain

became a trap within itself.

 

This is not to say I am done writing forever,

only that it is time to change gears,

and for that to happen one must give space.

 

You can write to me at poetrobot@gmail.com

and I will do my best to reply.

Again, if you are exceedingly poor but would still like a book,

let me know and we can make that happen.

 

I love you.

I love you.

I love you.

 

Until we meet again

“and now, a fox with a big ass hole in its face…”

After the ressurection

the disciples stood in awe of Christ.

The miracles

they had seen before

but all paled in comparison

to His newfangled, freaky shadow puppets.

 

 

 

 

 

Tagged: author, comedy, creative writing, funny, humor, poem, poetry, silly, writer, writing

phrases

“Give a man a fish

& you feed him for a day.

Teach a man to fish

& you feed him for a lifetime.”

-Lao Tzu

 

“Give a man a fish

& you feed him for a day.

Teach a man to fish

& you feed him for a lifetime,

so clearly we need to stop teaching people how to fish.”

-leaked transcript of Lao Tzu’s paid speeches to Big Fish

 

 

 

 

 

Tagged: america, animals, author, comedy, creative writing, funny, humor, jokes, philosophy, poet, poetry, politics, words, writer, writing