A.C. Ahn's Blog, page 4

Philosophical Hubris

Once, I imagined myself a philosopher of modern times,sitting on a park bench, thinking about a question."Is it better to be nobody, I pondered, and help somebody,than to be somebody and help nobody?"A smirk climbed onto my face, and I could feela bleached beard grow with unfaltering wisdom.Nobody and somebody, their meanings alteringin different lines, similarly to the meaning ofmy own life, changing from year to year.Wow, I'm good.

Airport Bingo

A small woman stands next to me, her brown eyesglued to the large screen above. Great cities are listedone after another: New York, Amsterdam, Seoul, SanFrancisco. As if they’re mere lines apart on our vastworld of sea. And one by one, travelers from these greatcities walk out of the arrival gate, dragging luggage ofvarious colors and sizes. Black and silver. White andbeige. Ones with four wheels and ones without any. Eachtraveler unique, like bingo balls with both alphabeticaland numerical values. The small woman stands on hertoes, doing her best to keep up with the balls rollingin—an elderly woman at her daily bingo session.Others around us cry out, and on their lips I imaginethe word “bingo!” Some winners jump up and down,waving their hands in the air before claiming their prizeand a hug. Half an hour passes by and the small womanstill stands beside me, her eyes more tired than before.New cities take their places on the screen, while older onesobtain labels. Delayed. Cancelled. Only a few people are leftplaying the game. Another thirty minutes pass by, and theoriginal players dwindle down to just the small woman and I.Her short thumb nail is jammed between her teeth andher legs shake nervously as if an earthquake eruptedbeneath our feet. I turn to her and tell her not to worry.She smiles back, broken from her own thoughts andpolitely says, “I know,” before returning to her shakinglegs and uneven nails. Eventually, I win as well;everyone does when it comes to bingo. I walk up to the frontto claim my prize and a hug, offering to carry a navy suitcaseof medium size (D5). And before I leave the airport I turnaround, the small woman still there on her toes, as a new batchof travelers flood through. I give her a little wave, but she doesn’tseem to notice; her deep brown eyes glued to her card above.

Hydrangeas on Fire: The End

As our focus on Hydrangeas on Fire starts to fade and Chad and I become more invested in our new (and improved) writings, I wanted to take a moment to leave with you my last thoughts and thank our supporters.It’s important to note that HoF was the very first thing we wrote—ever. We learned a lot about creative writing during those months, and even more during the grueling weeks of editing. Writers are familiar with crappy first drafts, and although we may jokingly call HoF a crappy final draft, we really believe it’s a treasure and shows our potential. It was after we completed HoF when we wrote a number of short stories. Chad’s short story, “The Dragon and the Snake,” won First Place in the Crime Category for the Tenth Annual Writer’s Digest Popular Fiction Awards. If we hadn’t written HoF that probably would not have happened.It’s also important to note that we self-published HoF all on our own, not because we wanted to make any money off of it, but because we wanted something we could hold in our hands that we created. In addition, we had our sister, Elaine, design the cover (which is really the best thing about the book, along with the last group of chapters that tie together the story), making HoF an inclusive Ahn siblings project. So, keeping this all in mind, we hope you enjoy its parts as a whole rather than scrutinize it word-for-word. What I mean by that is, don’t get caught up on any typos or awkward lines, but instead try to appreciate our efforts and thoughts behind the novel’s themes and ideas.Although we aren’t expecting to sell thousands upon thousands of copies, it’s humbling to know that there will possibly be a point in time when the number of hours Chad and I have spent working on HoF will be matched, then surpassed by the cumulative readings of it by others, like you. Of course, this is no big deal for popular authors who earn this achievement with each book they publish. Even if that never happens for HoF, it could happen with our next novel, or the one after that. We’ll keep writing with that goal in mind.I thank you for reading this and also supporting us. I am grateful to our friends who have bought our book, and even more grateful to those who then read it. But it means a lot more to know complete strangers have bought, read, and reviewed our book. And even if a review is not favorable, as long as it isn’t hateful, it shows that the person cared enough to let us know what HoF meant to them.

I’ll Cry For You (Completed Warm Up)

“Get in.” She reaches over and opens the passenger side door. But James continues walking as if pretending to not hear or see her. “I said, get in.” This time she’s sure he’s heard her.Without slowing or stopping, James glances at her from the corners of his eyes and starts to sprint along the side of the barren road.“That bastard.” She relinquishes the modest pressure she’s been applying to the brakes and chases after him, but carefully as to not accidentally run him over.#His winter coat and childhood suit restrict his movements, keeping his arms steady at his sides while his legs work overtime. He’s listening to his favorite pop artist, but soon the music is overtaken by his panting as his headphones slide down the back of his head, hugging his neck. Tiffany honks the horn and pleads for him to stop, to be rational.He can feel himself slowing down. Cold sweat gathers at the edge of his hairline, threatening to jump down his face. After a few more steps, his body chooses to stop, and he rests with his back bent forward, hands on knees, as he wipes the suicidal droplets with his sleeves. He was never the athletic type.#She manages to pull up next to James and get out before he starts off again. Even though she’s more than a decade older than he is, you could still see the resemblance. Their golden brown eyes are emphasized by their thick brows. Their sharp noses align perfectly with their straight sets of teeth. And in the cool winter sun, their hair shines with a hint of blue.“James, don’t be like this,” she says as she inches closer to him. “It’s just you and me.” She places her hand on his shoulder as he stands up to face her.#He looks Tiffany in the eye and can tell she’s been holding back tears for a while now; her eyes are swollen but not red. The tacky netted veil hanging from her hat doesn’t conceal much. She shivers in her long black dress, so he takes off his coat and gives it to her.“Thanks”He nods.After she slings on the coat she says, “You can’t go running off like that on your own.”He nods again.“Are you all right?”He nods once more, but this nod is followed by a tear. And in an effort to mask his sorrow, he continues to nod, but with each nod, another tear follows.#It’s been difficult for her to hold back her tears for James’s sake, and this moment proves to be the most difficult yet. She wants to kick herself for asking if he’s all right—of course he isn’t. She only hoped he’d find solace in her voice. She tries mashing one foot under the heel of the other, hoping maybe the pain will distract her enough not to cry.“Come on, let’s go back,” she says as her eyes water due to the pain. “You can drive.” She throws the keys at James, who catches it in his arms.#He stares at the keys as tears now rush down his face, falling off of his pointed chin. He wants to curse at the metal skeletons, but he doesn’t. He knows these aren’t the ones responsible for their deaths. He knows this car isn’t the one responsible.He looks back up at Tiffany and gives her a wan smile. “I’d rather walk.” And he turns from her, dropping his arms, and walks down the path.#She hears the impact of the keys on the asphalt before she sees them. She walks towards the alloy chains, but instead stopping to pick them up, she follows her brother, leaving behind the church, knowing the hearses will soon follow.

The Conundrum

“If you wrote something for which someone sent you a check, if you cashed the check and it didn’t bounce, and if you then paid the light bill with the money, I consider you talented.”The problem with society’s view on trying to become a writer is that everyone’s a critic. Even if you’ve written a short that earns you $600, you’ll still have people say that you’re not a good writer, despite Stevie’s conditions. The support just isn’t there, because writing is subjective, writing doesn’t mean a secure job, and writing statistically ends with failure.I don't need people telling me that I'm not a very good writer, but I also don’t need people telling me that I am a good writer either (unless they’re Stevie). Of course, I still welcome it, but it doesn’t do much for my drive, because I already know that I’m decent, I’ve already proven that I’m good to a certain extent, and in my mind I already know that I have the potential to make it further.I know you have to be realistic, taking possibilities in mind while maintaining a steady nine-to-five job, or running around serving someone else’s vision in order to secure a future with your own. But at the same time, you gotta dream a little, because realism isn’t going to consider you talented. Realism is going to try to keep you in the gray life as a servant for money.

부산행 (Train to Busan)

“Look out for only yourself.”There’s no better movie to pinpoint the differences between Hollywood and Korean cinema than Train to Busan. Where American zombie films would play safe, this Korean thriller twists and turns, keeping viewers constantly on their toes. Anything can happen, anyone can die—no one is safe from viewer favoritism or main character syndrome. And that is where Hollywood flusters and Korean cinema prevails. Hollywood films have trained its consumers to be entertained by expecting the expected, and turning off when favorite characters or protagonists fall out or die. It’s such a peculiar movie-viewing culture, especially when you consider television currently thrives on the very practice of killing off important characters. But let’s put a pin in that for now, and dive into what makes Train to Busan the best zombie flick ever made.Watching Train to Busan is like riding a train with the rails rolling up and down like a roller coaster. Okay, fine I’ll say it… It’s an emotional roller coaster—there really is no better way to describe it. One moment, you’ll worry if the protagonist, played by heartthrob Gong Yoo, will be able to connect with his daughter (Kim Su-an), and the next moment your chest will drop as zombies thin the herd of terrified passengers. You’ll literally switch from light chuckles to involuntary tears flowing down your face. The film excels at making you care (I mean really care) about a handful of characters, and forces you to watch as sacrifices are made. In that sense, it’s similar to Bong Joon-ho’s train flick, Snowpiercer, where characters drop out one-by-one as the group progresses through the cars of the train. But Train to Busan has better execution and a much clearer mission when it comes to character development and story progression.Along with Gong Yoo, the film has perfectly cast Ma Dong-seok and Jung Yu-mi as the loving couple who actually steal a large part of the spotlight. There’s also Choi Woo-shik and Ahn So-hee, who appeal to the younger generation with their characters’ naive romance. Shim Eun-kyung, the star of Sunny and Miss Granny, also makes a cameo as the first infected-turned zombie passenger, which is a noteworthy and hilarious “Easter egg” considering her possessed scene in Sunny.The film plays out much like a video game, with every character—even minor ones such as an old grandmother—making their own definite choices. Every choice that is made, whether selfish or selfless, raises the stakes and builds on the investment of the outcome. The survivors aren’t simply a flock of sheep running aimlessly to avoid dogs; they’re desperately calculative and emotionally impulsive. And it’s fascinating to see the resulting actions that reflect the dark and foolish side of human nature. The film isn’t just a well made zombie movie with family drama, but a smart social commentary enhanced with emotion and blood. Director Yeon Sang-ho seems to make comments on the status of society, particularly Korean society, when faced with sudden catastrophes. Characters are portrayed as hesitant, naive, narrow-minded, and of course self-centered beings; which adds to the exhilaration and horror of the simple idea of zombies on a train.Chad: 5Alex: 4.5Overall Rating: 5/5

Finding Dory

“What if I forget you?”Over a decade later, Pixar has released a sequel to one of its most beloved films. Finding Dory (a near reboot for new audiences, and an unwarranted, yet surprising sequel for fans of Finding Nemo) takes the underwater franchise to both familiar and new grounds while adapting Pixar’s now solid storytelling formula. You will laugh, you may cry. But in the end, you’ll realize Pixar’s increasingly obvious path of adopting Hollywood’s ideology of sequelizing everything. This contradicts Pixar’s original success of creating new imaginative worlds (unlike Disney’s practice of rehashing old fairy tales). Yes, Finding Dory isn’t a necessary sequel. But after having seen it in its opening weekend, I can’t seem to complain. The film is undoubtedly fun and Pixarian with its smart humor and emotional waves. And it’s actually nice to revisit some old characters other than Woody and Buzz.In Finding Nemo, the emotional connection between father and son dominates the story as Nemo (Hayden Rolence) overcomes his weaknesses and Marlin (Albert Brooks) loosens his reign, placing more confidence in his son. Dory (Ellen DeGeneres) simply takes on the role of an assisting character. Just as Mater is Lightning McQueen’s goofy sidekick in Cars, Dory is Marlin’s goofball in Finding Nemo. But an interesting power shift occurs in Finding Dory, as audiences become more emotionally invested in Dory than in Marlin and Nemo combined. This shift in investment unfortunately falls flat in Cars 2 as Mater enters the world of espionage. Finding Dory succeeds where Cars 2 fails. Not only does Finding Dory successfully shift primary investment to a once secondary character, it does so without diminishing the franchise.Marlin and Nemo are mostly static characters as Dory faces her past and short-term memory loss. They do little, other than to reinforce the central character’s strength (“What would Dory do?”) and that’s okay, mainly because the film introduces plenty of new environments and characters to fill in the gap. Hank (Ed O’Neill), the gruff old septopus steals the show as Dory’s new straight man and emotional wall. Destiny (Kaitlin Olson), Bailey (Ty Burrell), and Fluke (Idris Elba) are welcomed new faces as well, and each serve their purpose in the film, providing laughs and assisting the protagonists on their adventures.The film is so rich in characters and beautifully animated that it’s easy to overlook some of the obvious flaws. The main one being the catalyst of the story. The reason Dory, Marlin, and Nemo journey off across the ocean again seems weak and a bit rushed. Why would Marlin leave safety and take his son with him on a fools errand of tracking down Dory’s family when they have barely anything to go on? Is it really in his character to risk it all just because he can relate to Dory missing her supposed family? There’s nothing that shoves them to start their adventure—the stakes just aren’t that high compared to Nemo being taken and Marlin at risk of losing his only son and ending up completely alone.Finding Dory only starts to pick up once Dory is taken away on a boat to a fish hospital, but this is where another problem arises. The best parts of Finding Nemo are the adventures and conflicts that Marlin faces in open sea. The tank scenes with Nemo and the volcano ritual are definitely not what made Finding Nemo such a classic. But Finding Dory takes the tank setting a step further with a marine exhibit, confining the characters to limited spaces to interact in for the majority of the movie. As a result, any remaining sense of unknown danger and adventure plummets.Also, unfortunately for Finding Dory, previous Pixar films (Inside Out, Up) have set the emotional bar at noteworthy heights. Dory’s plight of finding her family while remembering them little-by-little in emotional bursts tugs at the heartstrings, but isn’t quite enough to get the waterworks rolling. And believe me, I tried. Watching Bing Bong and Riley’s memories in Inside Out commanded a stream of uncontrollable tears. Spot leaving Arlo for the surrogate human family in The Good Dinosaur conjured a couple wet ones too. But the tears refused to flow while watching Dory. Dory’s arc, while compassionate, is no crane scene in Toy Story 3. And as if the film senses its mediocre tearjerker attempt, the story quickly shifts attention to a somewhat exciting car chase, attempting to mimic what Buzz and gang have already pulled off in Toy Story 2 (someone at the wheel while someone else instructs which way to turn). Finding Dory does manage to differentiate its car chase scene from that of Toy Story 2, only to borrow from Inception's first level dream sequence of a slow motion drop from a bridge to the water, with epic music and the works.While most would agree that Finding Dory isn’t a groundbreaking sequel, like Toy Story 3, the fish tale is still a pretty great Pixar film. It’s better than The Good Dinosaur, holds a bit of its own against Toy Story 2, but admittedly, like its protagonist, is a bit forgetful next to its predecessor, Finding Nemo.Chad: 3.5Alex: 4Overall Rating: 4/5

Kubo and the Two Strings

“If you must blink, do it now.”You know what the most unfortunate type of films are in the movie industry besides indies? No, not video game adaptations, although those are a close second. Its computer animation’s forgotten eldest brother, stop-motion animation. For some reason, stop-motion animations are one of the lowest performing films in terms of the box office.Fantastic Mr. Fox — Budget $40M, Gross $46MAnomalisa — Budget $8M, Gross $3.7MJust look at these numbers and tell me you can’t help but pity the filmmakers. Both these films, Fantastic Mr. Fox and Anomalisa are well received in terms of ratings, and both were nominated for Best Animated Feature Film of their respective years. So, what gives? Why can’t these stop-motion films make money? Does it have to do with the talent involved? Well no, probably not, since George Clooney, Meryl Streep, and Bill Murray all star in Fantastic Mr. Fox. So really, what gives?Let’s take a closer look at one of the more recent box office failures of stop-motion animation, Kubo and the Two Strings—the bold, yet melancholic adventure of a young boy in ancient Japan bravely facing his family’s past. The film is definitely a fresh story during a time of superheroes (we’re still into that?) and reboots galore. And it’s quite sad to see the film under perform, not just compared to the Hollywood cookie cutter movies out there, but to Laika’s other stop-motion films as well.Coraline — Budget $60M, Gross $124.6ParaNorman — Budget $60M, Gross $107.1The Boxtrolls — Budget $60M, Gross $109.3Kubo and the Two Strings — Budget $60M, Gross $69.2As you can see, Coraline, Laika’s first feature film, did fairly well in the box office making double its budget. The next two films broke $100M… and there’s Kubo, barely breaking even. Why is that? (Do the names Charlize Theron, Matthew McConaughey, and George Takei not hold any weight?) Well, you could argue that Kubo was released the latest, so it just needs time to “catch up,” but it has the lowest opening weekend gross. Perhaps the advertising was lacking this time around. But it could also be because of the race of the main character. Most moviegoers in America who see a protagonist with distinct Asian features could have a difficult time seeing themselves in that particular character. Hey, after this year’s election, it’s completely believable and you know it. There’s a reason why white Hollywood constantly whitewashes Asian characters (like with Ghost in the Shell). Whether whitewashing actually affects numbers or just makes studio directors feel better, who knows, but it’s without a doubt that Kubo's disappointing monetary outcome will likely result in filmmakers being more hesitant in creating films centered around an Asian hero. Which, of course, is very unfortunate. Kubo and the Two Strings took a step forward with its characters, story, and imagination, only to have future proper Asian representation in films take an unintentional step backwards.But even with all the mishaps surrounding Kubo, there’s still a glimmer of hope. Considering that all of Laika’s previous feature films have been nominated for an Oscar, there’s no doubt that the studio’s latest film will be nominated as well. In terms of finally landing a win, Kubo's got some big competition from huge rivaling animation studios. There’s Pixar’s Finding Dory and Disney’s Zootopia.If anything, Kubo's got a good shot at being recognized for its artistic quality, which may lead to more sales and views. The stunning stop-motion animation matches well with the origami magic, and brings an eerie and mystical atmosphere to the film. (Maybe that’s why a lot of people don’t watch stop-motion animation. The slight hint of archaic, mechanical movements, like that of a human robot, creeps them out. And maybe that’s why Coraline was perfect for stop-motion.) The mythical adventure that Kubo embarks upon is intriguing every step of the way, and all of the characters are fairly well designed. The film does have its faults though with some of the story line being unclear or utterly abrupt. At some points it seems like the writers themselves masked their own frustrations and confusions of the story with imperfect mysteries. But overall, the film takes viewers on a deep, emotional journey of loss, life, and memory that’s entertaining for all ages. Just make sure not to blink.Chad: 3.5Alex: 4Overall Rating: 4/5

Drive (2011)

“Do you understand?”Almost everything about Drive is unconventional, from the artsy style to the casting choices. Who could imagine Ryan Gosling pulling off a badass killer in a crime film? It’s certainly not what he’s mainly known for, but he plays the part of the mysterious driver fairly well. And his chemistry with Carey Mulligan makes for a convincing love story even among the violence and gore which the film romanticizes. It almost feels like watching a foreign film, and to a certain extent it is one, considering the Swedish director, Nicolas Winding Refn, orchestrated the shots. And while I’ll admit that the film is well-made and is an artistic success, it didn’t get my blood pumping as much as I had hoped. The fault largely lies in the script, which relies heavily on an aura of mystery to fill in the gaps.I remember watching The Two Faces of January on the plane a couple of months ago and thinking, Wow, the writing is horrible. I mean, a main character dies by falling down stairs, and then the story completely shifts in a different direction. And one of the first things I did when I got on a computer was look up the writer of the screenplay, which turns out to be a guy named Hossein Amini. Guess who the writer of Drive is? Yeah, this Amini guy isn’t exactly the Tarantino of screenwriters, but thankfully, Drive isn’t a film that depends so heavily on its story. The film is visually artistic but lacks an exceptional plot; sort of like a decorative man of average intelligence.The film provides an all-around smooth viewing experience. The narration does well to avoid sluggish explanations using properly thought-out edits and cuts. The driver falling in love with Carey Mulligan’s character doesn’t raise too much of an eyebrow, even though it all happens pretty fast. And because the characters are likable, their romance is easy to root for, even though the movie lacks mushy love scenes. So a lot of my praise goes to the balance which Drive exhibits between drama and action—there isn’t too much mindless bloodshed nor a suffocation of feelings overshadowing every scene.Bridging off from what I said earlier about unusual, the film contains a mobster who harbors sympathy for his victims. Not only that, Bryan Cranston plays a non-badass role, and the film ends differently than most Hollywood movies usually do. But that isn’t enough to make me love it. Overall, Drive feels like a Quentin Tarantino movie without the dark humor and the dialogue… and the swearing. Okay, fuck that, I guess it isn’t anything like a Tarantino movie at all.Chad: 3.5Alex: 4Overall: 3.5

Chimae

As the elevator doors slide open, I feel the rush of hot air brushing past my exposed ears. My eyes take a brief moment to adjust to the bright white lights positioned about the hallways in fancy lamps. I remove my shoes and enter the first room on the left, hiding my face behind my tightly wound scarf. The air in the room is even hotter than in the hallways—almost like in a sauna during mid July. All I can smell is the heat. The room has eight beds laid out equal distance from one another, and in each bed, old women are kept captive underneath the identical blue sheets.“She has chimae,” I overhear.I turn to ask, “What does chimae mean?”“Alzheimer’s,” they reply with a frown.The next day, I reach the second floor and am greeted by a long sigh of warm air. I keep my coat on and my scarf wound as I turn left into the first room of the white hallway. I feel the skin on my back cling unwillingly to my first layer of clothing. I notice the small, rectangular windows at the end of the room for the first time as I walk past four beds, one empty yet, cleanly made. The signs of struggle absent. And behind me, I hear the word chimae being uttered.“What does that mean?” I ask while staring at the small windows.“Alzheimer’s,” they reply.