A. LaFaye's Blog: Word Wanderings Rest Stop - Posts Tagged "revision"

They say every word in a poem should be essential and that's true. Part of having just the right word involves knowing knowing words by their meaning, their connotations, their sound, their stresses, and their syllables, but it's also about knowing how to weed your work.

Like pulling weeds in a garden, weeding a poem is about yanking out anything that will prevent your poem from flourishing.

The basics of a poetic weed are as follows:
1. Look at the first and last word of each line--is it as strong and concrete as you'd like it to be? Leading with concrete nouns and verbs chosen for meaning and sound are a great way to lead into a line and/or draw people to the next line.
2. cut any articles, conjunctions, prepositions, adverbs, and abstract words that you don't need
3. Make sure that your nouns and verbs
are as active and concrete as they could be (look at all uses of as/was/were to see if you could write around them with stronger verbs)
4. Test your "poetic register" ---the closed vocabulary of the poem--are the words,images thematically inline?
5. tighten all of your imagery to say it in as few words as possible

To offer an example, let me try my hand at poetic weed on the opening of a poem-in-progress, "Spent Days"

Spent Days
At three, I found a penny or two in my mother’s purse
paid for a Toostie Roll to make my first purchase
entered preschool to bake frosted cookies in a wooden oven

At three, I fished a lint-scaled penny from
my mom's purse
passed my consumer's rite of passage
paid cash for a Toostie Roll

Here, I upped the ante on the imagery, using "fished" as a more active verb, may have added too much social weight to to the purchase of the Tootsie Roll. What do you think? Can I remove any extra words here? I did cut the last action/image because it seems out of place with the action that opens the poem (outside the poetic register).

Poetic weeding helps you look at and test each word to make sure it's growing up to its full potential. With poetry, it usually takes several passes through the garden to pull all the weeds and my revision here is just the first pass. Who else has poetic weeding advice?

Developing your writing style requires experimenting, so I'm writing my blog Twitter style. Revision advice 1 Tweet at a time.#RevBlog

1. Re-envision. See your manuscript in new ways. Write from another character’s POV. Write a poem in response to the 1st draft.

2. Go Draftless. Set the first draft aside and rewrite it to see what new discoveries you can make. Meld them later. Or not.

3. Go Poetic. Do a poetic weed. All active verbs. Cut conjunctions, articles, adverbs, abstract words. Focus on concrete imagery.

4. Pass On(e):Address one element each pass through—character, then plot, then imagery, then active voice, style, tension...

5. Expand: Look for expansion joints, places where your story or poem can grow-backstory? Steps in the story that are told vs. shown...

6. Contract: Where is your literary weight off? The space dedicated to an image, character, scene should be equal to its importance.

7. Voice: Have you employed as sense or orality & originality in your narrative voice. What does your work see say, others don’t?

8. Slant: Is your dialogue character specific? Does it slant to suggest things that aren’t on the page, but happened between the characters?

9. Once More With Conviction: Does your work unfold to reveal its theme vs. state it directly? Go for the reveal.

10. It’s Mine. All Mine. Make the work your own. Unique characters. Plot in unexpected directions. Use images that brings irony to new levels.

Want to know more about any of the topics in this #RevBlog? Stop by the blog on Goodreads and ask a question.

Tweeting Poetry Pen Pals

1. Establish a connection with another classroom. You can find a teacher/classroom willing to tweet poetry via Twitter. You can search for classrooms by grade.

2. Exchange contact information and plan out your shared unit via e-mail or in a phone conference. What are your goals? What schedule do you want to follow? Plan objectives, dates, assessments. Here is a website with lesson plan suggestions:
Poetry Lesson Plan


3. Prepare students for the first assignment: Suggested: Me Poems. Read examples of autobiographical poems. For example:
"Good Luck Gold" by Janet Wong


4. As them to write their own autobiographical poem using an exercise like this one:

Poetry Exercise:

1. Write an I-statement using a simile or a metaphor

I am like a tiger, my voice roars. simile

My voice is a tiger roar. metaphor

2. Write an I-have-statement (You can vary the verb)

I live in a jungle of books, dangling clothes, and animal filled drawings.

3. Write an I-want-statement

I’m hunting for a friend to join me on safari.

4. Put the statements together into a poem.

My voice roars like a tiger. I live in a jungle of books, dangling clothes, and animal filled drawings. I’m hunting for a friend to join me on safari.

5. Do character count, then revise for length.

Original 151
Revision:
My voice is a tiger roar. Welcome to my jungle of dangling clothes, and animal-filled drawings. Join me on safari, my friend. (126)

6. Workshop the poems in small groups of 4-5 kids. Have them offer feedback, revise, then resubmit. Kids will vote on their favorite poems in each group once they’re revised. Tweet the nominated poems to your Poetry Pen Pal classroom.

Here’s a helpful guide to using the Writer’s Workshop Model:
Writing Workshop Guide


7. Read the poems you receive from the other class. Assign one poem to each group. You can have them tweet questions, suggestions, comparisons to themselves.

8. Assess their learning. Here is a website on assessing the pen pal experience:
Pen Pal Assessment


You can also share videos of book reports, exchange poems about the place that you live, books that you love to read, the subjects are limitless.

If you use this unit in your classroom, please share your experience in the comments here or on my FB page
A. LaFaye Author Page
Or on my Twitter feed @artlafaye

Thank you!

I'm always open to improvements and suggestions and questions!


Fifth Grade Examples of Core Standards Addressed in This Unit
Text Types and Purposes:
CSS.ELA-LITERACY.W.5.3.D
Use concrete words and phrases and sensory details to convey experiences and events precisely.
Production and Distribution of Writing:
CCSS.ELA-LITERACY.W.5.4
Produce clear and coherent writing in which the development and organization are appropriate to task, purpose, and audience. (Grade-specific expectations for writing types are defined in standards 1-3 above.)
CCSS.ELA-LITERACY.W.5.5
With guidance and support from peers and adults, develop and strengthen writing as needed by planning, revising, editing, rewriting, or trying a new approach. (Editing for conventions should demonstrate command of Language standards 1-3 up to and including grade 5 here.)
CCSS.ELA-LITERACY.W.5.6
With some guidance and support from adults, use technology, including the Internet, to produce and publish writing as well as to interact and collaborate with others; demonstrate sufficient command of keyboarding skills to type a minimum of two pages in a single sitting.