Beth Fehlbaum's Blog, page 4

Is this cool or WHAT? BFD in NYC!

My friend, Joe Lunievicz, sent me this pic of BIG FAT DISASTER in the Manhattan, NYC, Barnes & Noble!

Hey, I'm featured in FLY THE FLAG, TEXAS!

http://www.flytheflagtexas.com/athens/

Woohoo! 5-star review for BIG FAT DISASTER on Amazon!

Thank you, "Avid Book Collector"!

"Reading this book was such an emotional journey for me. Even though this is a work of fiction, it deals with a very REAL problem, eating disorders. Colby has a binge eating disorder and uses food like a drug as a means to escape what is happening in her life. Her family in absolutely no way, whatsoever is a support system and Colby finds herself on the verge of suicide. This book was definitely not an easy read, as having an eating disorder of my own, I could really relate to the challenges that Colby was going through. Not only did she have to deal with the childish ridicule and cattiness of her classmates, her family should have been taken out and shot for how they treated her. Her own mother was a self-centered person and at times, I just wanted to slap her to give her a wake-up call. She should have never ever called her daughter fat, or considered her an embarrassment to the family. I think the part that really angered me was when the video was going around and it was suddenly Colby's fault! Had she not been overweight, then the video would have never been made. Ugh! But wait, there's more! To call your own daughter a BIG FAT DISASTER when talking on the phone to a friend was just epic. Yep....mother of the year material there, let me tell you! I am really glad that at the end, Colby found an excellent support system, and was on a road to hopefully some happiness, which she truly deserved.

Ms. Fehlbaum has written an amazing novel that has a heartbreaking message about the seriousness of eating disorders. I was instantly drawn into this emotional story from the first page. It was not an easy read, not because of the writing itself, but for the message the book was about. For all the "Colby's" out there in the world, just know that there are people who care about you, just hang on till you find the right one to listen! {{Big hugs}}"

You asked for it, so here it is! (Oh...you didn't...ask? Oh, well! Here it is, anyway...) My Writing Process!

Thanks to Kym Brunner for inviting me to participating in the “My Writing Process” Blog Tour! Find Kym on her website, http://www.kymbrunner.com!

First, a bit about me: this is my bio, (in which I speak of myself in third person, LOL):

In addition to writing Young Adult Contemporary Fiction, Beth Fehlbaum is an experienced English teacher who frequently draws on her experience as an educator to write her books. She has a B.A. in English, Minor in Secondary Education, and an M.Ed. in Reading.

Beth is the author of Big Fat Disaster (Merit Press/F+W Media, March 2014); Courage in Patience (Kunati Books, 2008); and Hope in Patience (WestSide Books, 2010). Hope in Patience was named a 2011 YALSA Quick Pick for Reluctant Readers. Truth in Patience, which rounds out The Patience Trilogy, is as yet unpublished.

Beth has a following in the young adult literature world and also among survivors of sexual abuse because of her work with victims' advocacy groups. She has been the keynote speaker at the National Crime Victims' Week Commemoration Ceremony at the Hall of State in Dallas, Texas and a presenter for Greater Texas Community Partners, where she addressed a group of social workers and foster children on the subject of "Hope".

Beth is a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, like Ashley in The Patience Trilogy, and the day-to-day manager of an eating disorder much like Colby's in Big Fat Disaster. These life experiences give her a unique perspective, and she writes her characters' stories in a way meant to inspire hope.

Beth lives with her family in the woods of East Texas.

You can find Beth online at http:www.bethfehlbaumbooks.com , on Facebook , and on https://twitter.com/bethfehlbaum .

And now...onto the questions!

What am I working on?  

My latest novel, Big Fat Disaster, just released, so I’m working on getting the word out about it. I recently returned from the Texas Library Association conference in San Antonio, where I presented with other authors on a panel about religion in YA fiction, attended some events, and generally worked non-stop for two days straight.

I’m brainstorming story ideas. My publisher, Merit Press/ F+W Media, would like either a follow-up to Big Fat Disaster or a stand-alone new novel. I plan to start it this summer (2014).

How does my work differ from others of its genre?

I write Contemporary (Realistic) YA Fiction—but I guess what distinguishes my work is the fearless nature of my storytelling. One of my favorite authors, Jennifer Brown (Hate List), has said that I write without looking over my shoulder. I am committed to truth-telling and authenticity, which translates to what some have called a “raw” nature to my novels.

Why do I write what I do?

I was inspired to begin sharing my writing with others by Chris Crutcher’s Staying Fat for Sarah Byrnes. I read it just before I began writing novels when I was in therapy for childhood sexual abuse. I had been writing short stories and poems, trying to process my anger, disbelief, and grief, and I was sharing them with my therapist. About a year or so into therapy, he suggested that I try writing a novel. After about four months of starts and stops—I kept falling into my own head and bumping up against the same question: “WHY?”—and I finally decided to step outside of myself and observe the recovery of someone else through her eyes. That person was Ashley Nicole Asher, age 15, who is removed from her abusive home with her mom & stepdad and placed in a tiny Texas town (“Patience”), where her life begins again. Book 1- Courage in Patience was published in 2008 by a tiny Canadian publisher called Kunati. They went bankrupt in 2009, and the book went out of print. Book 2- Hope in Patience was published in 2010—and named a 2011 YALSA Quick Pick for Reluctant Readers. Its publisher, WestSide Books, went out of business not long after. Book 3- Truth in Patience was written in 2011 but it has yet to see the light of day—except for the Chapter 1 excerpt on my website, because the very day I was going to submit it to my editor as my follow-up book, I received an email from WestSide Books informing me that they were closing up shop and selling the business. It took me 18 months to get my rights back to Hope in Patience. Courage in Patience and Hope in Patience are available on a limited basis through Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and private sellers. Here’s a buy link  for the low-down on availability of my books. 

My first two publishers’ failure to thrive placed my Patience books in No Man’s Land, and it breaks my heart; it really does, because The Patience Trilogy  books are my “heart” books. Writing them was so intensely healing for me, I hardly have words to express it. I am hoping that Big Fat Disaster will do well and that a publisher will be willing to take on The Patience Trilogy. At this point, my agent and I are in waiting mode to see what sorts of sales Big Fat Disaster has so that we can approach a new publisher and say, “See, there? People love this woman’s work. Take this on, and you won’t be sorry!”

How does my writing process work?

I do a lot of mental pre-writing before I even put a word on paper. After I know who the character is and what she wants; the basic thing that will get in her way; how the story will end—then I begin writing. I normally do the mental thing during the majority of the school year, but with the release of Big Fat Disaster, I’ve done mostly work leading up to that, this year.

Coming up next in THE WRITING PROCESS BLOG TOUR, on April 28!

Jessica Rising: Her heart and soul is -- and always has been -- in children's literature. She holds a master's degree in children's literature, and all of her books are middle grade (for ages 7-12). She also loves speculative fiction; she proudly writes fantasy, sci-fi, and any and all of their subgenres.

Jessica blogs here: http://gutsandglorybooks.com/blog/

Lori Gaudet: L. V. Gaudet is a Canadian fiction writer who writes mainly the darker forms of fiction.  L.V. Gaudet’s writing is influenced by growing up with a love for thrillers and horrors, sneaking down as a kid to watch old Vincent Price movies and devouring thriller novels.

Samples of her work can be found on her blog:

The intangible world of the literary mind

What secrets of the mind lurk beyond the mist enshrouded bridge?

http://lvgwriting.wordpress.com/

Follow on Facebook:

www.facebook.com/LVGaudet.Author

Hey, come to the VIRTUAL birthday party for BIG FAT DISASTER!--and possibly win a $25 Amazon gift card!

Want to earn between 1 and 5 chances to win a $25 Amazon gift card? READ ALL THE WAY TO THE BOTTOM AND FOLLOW THE DIRECTIONS!

First, the perfect song for this occasion. Press "PLAY", because it's the ONLY way to truly participate in this post. Ready? GO!

Onto the reason we're all here:

Today, April 18, 2014, is the OFFICIAL RELEASE DAY FOR
Big Fat Disaster!

Let's hear from the guest of honor! View the Big Fat Disaster book trailer!
Finally, NO birthday party is complete without a birthday cake, right? So: Go here, and follow the directions,then come back here. And, thank you thank you thank you, for celebrating Big Fat Disaster's official birthday with me!

...are you back? Awesome! THANKS FOR READING ALL THE WAY TO THE END! SHARE THIS POST AND PASTE THE LINK IN THE COMMENTS BELOW to earn ONE entry for the gift card. Email me (beth (at) bethfehlbaum (dot) com) a receipt for buying BIG FAT DISASTER today (hardcover or ebook), and earn FIVE entries to win the gift card! Contest ends at 11:59 TONIGHT! *You may paste the link either here on my blog OR on Facebook in the comments on the announcement of this post.

THREE chances to win a free copy of BIG FAT DISASTER!

I'm up early to work out because God knows that if I don't do it in the morning, I'm way too wiped out to do it in the afternoon. Here's hoping I don't yawn through the day. Anyway, TOMORROW is the OFFICIAL book birthday of BIG FAT DISASTER, and I will be making a big deal of that as well as making a couple of announcements of a more personal nature. (No, I'm not "expecting." Honey, that ship has SAILED a looooong time ago, LOL. The only "babies" I'm having at this point are of the literary or furry, four-legged type!) You have very little time left to enter this contest: https://www.goodreads.com/giveaway/show/85012-big-fat-disaster. BUT, you have a few days left to enter THIS contest, where you can win a signed hardcover (US & Canada) or an ebook (Internationally): http://athousandwordsamillionbooks.blogspot.com/2014/04/hi-everyone-im-extremely-pleased-to.html
AND, tomorrow, Book Nerd Book Tours is doing a BLAST that includes a chance to win a signed hardcover of BIG FAT DISASTER & a prize pack of Merit Press books! Here's the home-link for that: http://www.booknerdtours.com/2014/nerd-blast-big-fat-disaster.html

Going to TLA in San Antonio? Find me!

I've worked all weekend getting ready for Texas Library Association conference this coming week! Here's my schedule, if you want to track me down:

April 9, Wed. 10:15-11:50 – Convention Center, Panel: “Don’t Talk About What?”

April 9, Wed. 12-2; 3-5 Convention Center, signing in Pat Anderson's Texas Authors & Illustrators booth #2526

April 10, Thurs. 10-10:30 a.m. -- Texas Teens 4 Libraries; TT4L, Grand Hyatt Hotel in Texas Ballroom ABC

April 10, Thurs. 12-1:30 p.m. -- Texas Tea with librarians; Grand Hyatt, Lone Star Ballroom A-B; Green Room: Bonham D, Level 3.

April 10, Thurs.  3-4:00  Convention Center, Texas Book Festivals Booth # 2443

April 10, Thurs. 6:30-8 p.m. meet and greet Texas Authors and Illustrators and Librarians. Grand Hyatt, Bowie AB, level 2.

Are you going to TLA in San Antonio? Find me!

If you're going to TLA in about 10 days, look me up! Here's my schedule; where tentative, it's noted:

April 9, Wed. 10:15-11:50 -- Panel: "Don't Talk About What?":  religion in YA lit. I know it's at the Convention Center but I don't know the exact room yet.

April 9, Wed. 12:30-4/5 p.m. signing in the Texas Author's & Illustrator's/Overlooked Books booth #2526

April 10, Thurs. 9:30-11:30 a.m. -- Texas Teens 4 Libraries; TT4L, Grand Hyatt Hotel in Texas Ballroom ABC; (I need to find out when my 30 minute block of time for this is.)

April 10, Thurs. 12-1:50 p.m. -- Texas Tea with librarians; Grand Hyatt, 600 E. Market St.

April 10, Thurs. Texas Teen Book Festivals Booth--probably between 2:30 & 5 but I'm working on getting a confirmation. If I'm not there, look in the Texas Authors & Illustrators/Overlooked Books booth.

April 10, Thurs. 6:30-8 p.m. meet and greet Texas Authors and Illustrators and librarians.  Grand Hyatt, Bowie AB, level 2.

*Note to my SHSU Library friends: because of the Meet & Greet event, I will be unable to attend the SHSU event also scheduled for Thursday evening.

April 11, Fri: I will be dragging my exhausted self home that morning, as soon as I can wake up & get moving.

Regardless of the size of your jeans...

INTERVIEW WITH BETH FEHLBAUM
1. What is currently on your nightstand or ereader itching to be read?

DARE ME, by Eric Devine.  Eric is a member of the group author website I founded, UncommonYA, and I won a signed copy of DARE ME from Eric during one of his contests.   

2. What is your go to cure for writer’s block?

I give myself permission to back away from physically writing and instead roll the story around in my head. Usually the breakthrough comes when I’m driving, and if I’m driving, I pull over and either email myself the idea or call and leave a message for myself on voice mail.

3. Most people think about Anorexia or Bulimia when they hear the phrase "eating disorder" but Colby is an overeater. You have said that you yourself manage an eating disorder similar to Colby's. Can you give readers some insight on what managing your eating disorder entails?

The first thing I learned to do when I was in therapy was to seek a way of soothing myself in other ways than food. Over time, I learned to recognize my eating disorder as me trying to take care of myself in a way that only created more problems, i.e. if I was having unpleasant feelings about a situation, if I binged because of it, the shame took my focus from the original situation and caused me to instead feel bad about having gorged myself. Plus, there’s the physical discomfort, which also serves to distract from the original problem.

I’m not perfect by any stretch of the imagination, and sometimes I slip, but I now recognize signals in myself—such as obsessively thinking about eating a certain food—as a sign that I’m on the edge of a compulsive overeating episode, and I can choose to prevent it. My first thought when I have unpleasant feelings—still—is to eat. Doesn’t mean I always act on it. I have gotten to where I can just acknowledge a thought or feeling that previously would have sent me running for something sweet. It’s like, “Oh, hello. There you are again,” but I don’t act on it. I learned to distract myself with activities that don’t involve food.

There are some foods—like cookies—that I know that if I start eating, there will never be enough. It won’t matter whether I like them or how I physically feel. The urge to continue to eat until they’re all gone, because I’ve done it so many times, and it always has the same result: I feel rotten about myself and physically I feel ill because I haven’t eaten high-fat, high-sugar stuff in large quantities in so long that my stomach can’t handle much without getting really upset. Therefore, I don’t eat cookies, and I try really hard to not eat any sugary sweets at all since I have an endless appetite for them. As I said, when I give into temptation and do eat, for example, some cake, I get a really upset stomach and end up kicking myself since I don’t feel well.

The difference now, though, is that instead of staying stuck in a neverending cycle of shame and overeating, I recognize that I alone have the power to stop the binge, and I can choose to start AT THAT MOMENT to take care of myself in a positive way.

The feelings Colby experiences—that shame, lack of control, and lapse in memory of what all she consumed—are coming directly from my own battle with Binge Eating Disorder.

4. You went through six years of intensive therapy to help you recover from being abused as a child. A lot of people, young adults and adults alike, find starting therapy a very frightening and uncomfortable experience.    What advice would you give someone who is thinking about starting therapy for the first time?

The six years of therapy I went through were with a clinical psychologist whom I clicked with at the same time that circumstances in my life came together in a way that I had a strong support system in my husband and then-teenage daughters.

I had been in and out of therapy many times since my early twenties, but I never had the support system in place to withstand what I had to do in order to get well: face the truth about my stepfather sexually abusing me and my mother not protecting me. This involved breaking with my family of origin completely—basically, when I insisted on no more playing “Let’s Pretend,” it was made clear to me in a variety of ways that I had done something so wrong (in their eyes) that they wanted nothing to do with me anymore. It was very, very difficult because my mother was an amazing grandmother to my kids, and they lost her in the process.

Recovery from childhood sexual abuse is very, very difficult. My therapist compared it to a barefoot walk from Texas to Alaska and back, with all the weather along the way. I would agree with that assessment; in fact, I used that comparison in my Patience books, Courage in Patience and Hope in Patience. I strongly believe that people who have been sexually abused and are seeking to heal from it and reclaim their lives need the guidance of an experienced mental health professional. If the first therapist (or second, or third) does not seem to be helping, keep going until you find one you click with. Don’t give up, because you are worth the fight to reclaim your life.

Outside of the therapist’s office, you need a strong support system of people who are aware of what you are going through, who will be safe for you to be vulnerable, and will give you emotional shelter when you need it.

And—be prepared to be completely honest with yourself and others in your life. It’s the only way to heal and find out how strong you are.

(By the way, a third and final Patience book, Truth in Patience, has not yet been published. Courage in Patience has been revised and I’m hoping that at some point, all three books will be issued at the same time.)  

5. I too have body dysmorphic disorder and I am well acquainted with the shaming voice that comes to reside within you and how hard it can be to silence that voice. (I call mine E.D.)    How do you fight your shaming voices?

Isn’t that voice annoying?! I fight mine by asking myself if I would talk to my friends or daughters in the way I’m talking to myself. I know I would never say such hateful things to people I love, so I try not to say them to myself, either.

6. Your Patience series has brought a lot of healing to readers that have faced sexual abuse, do you think Big Fat Disaster will do the same for those with binge eating disorders?  Has writing these books brought you healing?

I hope that others who struggle with the cycle of bingeing and shame will recognize that they are not alone. That was my hope for The Patience books with respect to recovery from childhood sexual abuse and having PTSD as a result of being abused.

Here’s the thing that brought about the seed for Big Fat Disaster: when I started therapy, I was very overweight. Over time, I lost 100 pounds and was, for the first time, able to wear anything I wanted. I was walking and running on a treadmill—on an incline, mind you—on a nightly basis.

I noticed that my feet started becoming painful, and within a few years, I could not walk without limping. My feet literally crunched when I walked, and instead of working out when I got home from work at night, I just sat in a chair. I went back to some of my self-soothing behaviors with food.

And I gained back half the weight I lost.

Eventually, I had surgery on each foot over the course of two summers, and had to be completely non-weight bearing for ten weeks each time following surgery. So I sat a lot.

That shaming voice in my head—which had been silent for a long time—was back with a vengeance, and “she” was not whispering self-hate; she was shouting judgmental ugliness as I had to buy bigger clothes and boxed up my size Smalls and 6’s.

Losing the person I had become physically, by regaining some weight, felt as if it had happened overnight. I had to have a really honest talk with myself, especially since I had worked so hard to learn to love myself. Prior to going through recovery, I didn’t love myself and I didn’t believe that anyone else really did, either. But I had grown to know that I AM worthy of love, both for myself and from others. Did regaining about fifty pounds make me less worthy of love?

After everything I had been through in my recovery: losing relationships because I chose truth; enduring PTSD episodes and learning to manage the symptoms; choosing truth over lies even when it was scary; all my work to learn to deal with having an eating disorder… did regaining weight mean that I was the same self-hating, broken person I was when I began my journey?

No. It didn’t, and it doesn’t, and whether I stay this larger size forever or lose weight again or whatever happens to me physically, I, you, and all of us are worthy of love, simply because we exist and are all on a journey together.

Exploring that question of whether weight equals being unlovable led to Colby Denton’s story. I knew from the beginning that she would not miraculously go on a diet and lose weight and get a boyfriend and the sort of stereotypical endings that YA fiction books about fat girls often have.

Instead, I wanted Colby to learn that regardless of her size, she is worthy
of love.

7. What is the number one thing you hope readers take away from Big Fat Disaster?

I hope that people who do not have an eating disorder will have some insight into what it is like for someone with Binge Eating Disorder: what it’s like to live inside our heads.

And, I hope that those of us who get up every day hoping that this will be the one day they can get through without hating themselves because of the way they eat or the way they look will know that they are not alone, and that there is hope for breaking the cycle of shame and self-hatred.

Regardless of what they eat or the number on their jeans label, they are worthy of love. We all are.

BIG FAT DISASTER book trailer featured on USA Today's site!

Look what happened when I got up to let the dog out in the middle of the night: I found a Google Alert that led to this!
BIG FAT DISASTER's book trailer is featured on the USA Today site!
Thank you, Tim Eddy of Nifty Book Trailers!

http://www.usatoday.com/story/happyeverafter/2014/03/20/recommended-book-video-tillery-sontheimer-murphy-fehlbaum/6635493/