Heather S. Ingemar's Blog, page 6

Foodstock!

This August 16th, from 1-2pm I will be performing some of my brilliant bardic offerings at this fun, first-ever event!

Come see me, I’ll have copies of “Storyteller” and “Let Me Go” available. :-)

Tagged: bardic, music, news, performance

Sergeantry Still

Tagged: flowers, guilele, photography, Still life

Bikini

Like most girls who turn into women, I spent the greater part of my life listening and learning how to hate my body. Not how to respect it. Not how to be comfortable in it. I learned to Hate it. I learned to look in the mirror and be ashamed. I learned how to silently compare myself to others and pick out the ways I was lacking. So much so that compliments my husband so kindly gave me fell on deaf ears.

Then, one day, I found myself pregnant, and oh, what the surprise that was… :-) I was amazed, every day, by the miracle of what God made my body capable of. I began to love the parts of myself I used to loathe. I began to see beauty where none had existed. And then, we lost our baby and all those hopes and dreams with him, and my confidence — what little of it I had managed to gather — suffered the biggest blow it ever had.

I am still recovering. I am still terribly vulnerable. I’m still self-conscious and prone to moments of insecurity and anxiety. But I had an epiphany this week, and that was how I am often more critical of myself than anyone else. I realized today it all started with that first moment I was taught to despise myself.

So today? Today I did something I NEVER thought I’d ever do.

I bought a bikini.

Yeah, I’m 8 months pregnant. And, I’m pretty positive my mother will roll in her grave when she gets there (she’s probably gasping in apoplexy right now at the scandalousness of this!).

But walking out of the store with that swimsuit in my possession? Driving home and thinking of the look on my husband’s face when I told him (and showed him!) what I did for myself? Putting it on in front of the mirror, pregnant belly and ALL, and feeling satisfied. Being able to smile at myself and see that I’m okay! I’m worth it! That my body — and indeed, the all rest of me — is deserving of my appreciation, naysayers be damned.

I felt so GOOD.

And this little bit of rebellion is even in my favorite colors. :-)

Tagged: bikini, confidence, coping, healing, life, loss, love, self-esteem, self-respect, summer, swimsuit

Set Up

I have sat down to write, and then trashed the post only to restore it a day later and try editing again, about ten times.

I still have no idea what, exactly, I want to say.

This last week my husband and I came to the conclusion we really should not wait any longer to set up the “nursery.” That, if we did nothing else, at least the furniture and big things should be moved and arranged.

The house was torn apart in about fifteen minutes. The cats hid in the bathroom, and I envied their ability to escape the chaos.

The upheaval — and what it represented — conspired to make me cranky. Not only did my cluttered, disaster-area of a living room turn into The Mess From Hell (which just makes me annoyed all by itself. Not that I’m some fantastic housekeeper or anything, but there’s clutter, and then there’s CLUTTER…), but seeing the familiar wood of the crib Michael never got to use tripped the tear faucet. Big time. I blubbered my way to work that morning, shamed by previous failure, and unable to shake this fear that the end is nigh. That the proverbial shoe is going to DROP at any minute, and we’ll be right back where we started when we returned home last June to a house-full of broken dreams and unfulfilled wishes. Or worse.

Please, God, don’t make me do it again. Don’t make my husband go through that again. Please, I beg — let us all live through this, healthy and whole…

Any time I’m not actively distracting myself with some other task, the fears rise up like a tidal wave and threaten to drown me. So spooked am I, that my version of “baby planning” this time is making contingency plans.

I realize I am far too wary for my own good.

The crib looked so very wrong, so I took a deep breath and waddled up to the storage room to get the blanket.

I made that fleece blanket for Michael to have and use at cooler SCA events, a play on James’ registered heraldic device (Sable, a shark and a chief invected argent).

For some reason, the crib looks better now, with that draped across the edge.

Contingency plans are in the final stages.

I don’t know what else to do.

Tagged: coping, difficulty, life, loss, neonatal death, plans, Pregnancy

Studies, and Taking the Craft Further

As I find myself more and more involved in this thing called “bardic arts”(1) within the SCA, I am slowly coming to grips with what I want as part of the bigger picture ™.

When J. and I joined the SCA, we did it simply for the fact that it was fun. It was an escape from the grind and rigors of our mundane life. As I’ve mentioned before, I never really gave much thought to any goals I had beyond playing music and entertaining people, and getting my feet wet with period music (because I never had the chance to study it in college).

But what else? I’m now at the point I am beginning to wonder about how much more I want to do.

I know I want to learn more period songs, and have some that I can incorporate into my regular performance repertoire. I want to learn more about early music; how it’s structured, theory of the modal system, how it evolved. I want to incorporate that into my songwriting (ballad-style would probably be the easiest to begin with). I want to learn more about where these songs came from. Especially the last, the history really intrigues me and I find that music gives a very unique window into the views of society at the time. And last but definitely not least, I want to become a better performer as far as the period songs go. I so admire and love it when performers are completely consumed by the piece they are performing, when all modernity disappears and they become their persona and draw everyone back along with them… I want that. I want to do that.

A while back, I had an opportunity appear that would have offered me a lot of guidance in this regard. After much thought, I elected to decline, based on the uncertain time in which I find myself. I know I’ve said this before and it didn’t come to pass — my life and responsibilities may change pretty drastically here in a few months. I harbor concerns about whether — provided I have a baby to bring home this fall — I will have enough brain power and energy to devote to studying these passions. Because I don’t want to do anything half-a$$ed, especially not my music. I love it too much to put something substandard out there.

But now I’m wondering if maybe I was too cautious. (I have a problem with not being a risk-taker.) I’m wondering if maybe I should have gambled a little.

I don’t really know.

Regardless, I have decided that at the least I will pursue my interests on my own as I’ve always done — starting with preparations for a “Single Entry” at this next year’s Kingdom Bardic competition. As I see it, I will be there anyway to be a judge (baby or no baby), and so, why not?

Of course, now I have another problem:

What song do I pick???

* * *

[1]: Essentially any type of performance art suitable or documentable (as existing between 600-1600 A.D.) for entertainment in the SCA; including but not limited to filks, folk songs & music, storytelling, poetry, dance, drama, acrobatics, and magic.

Tagged: bardic, knowledge, learning, medieval, music, Renaissance, sca, Society for Creative Anachronism

Tumbleweed 2014!

I just got confirmation –

I’m performing at the 2014 Tumbleweed Music Festival again!

:-D

I’m very excited.

So if you’re going to be in the neighborhood of the Tri-Cities in Washington on Labor Day weekend, look me up!

My set begins at 4:15pm on the Southwest Stage on August 31st, down at Howard Amon Park by the river. I’ll be performing a bunch of songs from my new album, “Storyteller,” in addition to some traditional Renaissance and late Medieval tunes. I’ll be the (very) pregnant lady in garb playing the guitar/ukulele hybrid. :-)

Marke Thy Calendars!

Copies of “Storyteller” will be available at the Festival merchandise booth as well.

See you there!

Tagged: bardic, guilele, medieval, music, news, performance, Renaissance

The Bard’s View — July Coronation 2014

Whew! Back once again in my home lands of Wastekeep and I have a few moments to reflect on my first ever Coronation event.

We carpooled down once again with friends, making an apropos pit stop along the road at Maryhill, to see the epic Stonehenge monument. This was the second time I’d been there, and I was well pleased to see it still just as it had been.

Though it was hot, and my rapidly advancing pregnancy did make everything a touch more uncomfortable, the drive remained fun and we arrived on site in the afternoon.

By evening, the site was a bustling hive of activity, what with three vigils (or parties) for soon-to-be members of the peerages (Laurel for Arts & Sciences, Pelican for service, or Knight for heavy combat). I saw a few familiar faces, but far more new and happy ones. Someone said later, “you know you’re at an SCA event when you don’t even have to talk to someone to be wished a Good Day or some such thing,” and it’s true. When you walk onto site at an SCA event, there is this overwhelming sense of camaraderie and good fellowship that is hard to find anywhere else.

The next morning found me busy-busy-busy with my duties as Kingdom Bard; during the fighting tournaments I got to watch my husband take the field again, as well as participate in a bardic “flash mob” during the water break. I made the rounds, met with people, discussed bardic, and generally kept my musiciany self busy.

Before the event, I had also volunteered my time to help coordinate music for the changeover ceremony for the new King and Queen, and I spent part of my time meeting up with the important people to hash out some last-minute details. And I am very proud to say that everything went off without a hitch. The bards that were asked to assist in the ceremony went above and beyond anything I could have hoped for (one even filling in at the very last minute due to a sudden change in plans), and performed their crafts well. My heart soars to be counted among such company! :)

And then, we bid adieu to our wonderful King Erik and lovely Queen Driffina, welcomed in awesome King Styrkarr and radiant Queen Stjarna (and as a Champion, I even got to throw down a challenge to any who might dispute the validity of their claim to the thrones!), and business rolled forward. :-)

That night, the entire camp partied, it seemed.

My favorite moment, however, was the next morning. Per my Sunday morning custom, I got up before the herald call and sang as I walked from one end of camp to the other. Toward the end of my travel, one of the heralds began his morning announcement reel, and we tag-teamed through the camp. When he finished and I caught up to him with my next hymn already in progress, he surprised me by immediately joining in with the tenor harmony! :-) What a gift! I am still smiling just thinking about it.

The best part was hearing people talk through the rest of that day about how they loved being awakened by music.

And then, it was time to head home.

So here I am, and I am a little saddened to say this was my last ‘big’ traveling event for a while. Though I know avoiding the long-distance car trips from this point on in my pregnancy is a wise thing — and I’m okay with that! — I still wish I had another big event to look forward to that was sooner instead of later.

And I’m a little saddened I (yet again) did not get as much time to hang out with my close friends as I wanted.

But everything else — the bardic ‘flash mob,’ the coronation ceremony, the impromptu Sunday morning duet — still made it worth it. :-)

Until next time…

Tagged: bardic, medieval, music, Renaissance, sca, Society for Creative Anachronism

Storyteller Out Now!

I’m so excited!

This collection of songs is one I am very proud of. I feel I’ve really tapped into the side of my creativity — telling stories of “days long gone” — that is closest to my heart. With the sound that is closest to my soul.

So it’s with great pleasure that I open my hands and bare it to the world.

At last. :-)

You can download the album for $8 in any format of your choosing, or you can purchase a physical CD for $10 + shipping. There’s also a poster available, and more merchandise planned for the future, so please check back. And tell your friends.

Click the image to go to the order site.

Best wishes, and I hope you enjoy the songs. :-)

Tagged: announcements, bardic, guilele, guitar, music, news, singing, songwriting, storyteller, ukulele

“Storyteller” — Almost Here!

I am pleased to report that after a few delays, things are moving along now with my bardic album. I have one more song to record (a surprise addition!), and then CDs are getting produced. :-D Yay!

Stay tuned!

Tagged: bardic, music, storyteller

Boosting the Signal: Stolen Uke

http://seattle.craigslist.org/see/laf/4563979310.html

Boosting the signal for a good friend. Her lovely Lanikai tenor uke got stolen out of her car the other night. She’s based in the Seattle area. This particular uke is signed by recording artist Ingrid Michaelson, so it’s very distinctive. If you are in the Seattle area, please keep your eyes peeled.

Tagged: loss, music, ukulele