R.L. Griffin's Blog: The Blog I must have, I'm told, page 2

Unfamiliar Anxiety

So Razorblade Kisses comes out on January 8, 2015. I have a not so secret, secret. I'm am absolutely terrified. No amount of assurance can help calm my brain about this story. This didn't happen with any book in the BaT series. I was disappointed when Heart in Wire didn't do well because I loved Patrick's story, but I wasn't hyperventilating like I am now.

I don't get nervous, ever. I speak in front of thousands. I go to court. I do things that should terrify me. They don't. This book scares the fuck out of me for some reason.

It really is starting to annoy me, this feeling in my gut. I'm not used to not being confident in things. See above...I am trying not to post about this or annoy people, but thought I'd blog about this strange feeling that has been invading my brain.

I know, you say "the feedback so far has been good." I know. I can't help it. That feeling won't go away. I may hide in a cave until a week after the release so that I won't annoy the fuck out of myself with all this shit.

Okay. Just a heads up about where my head is. Happy Holidays and all that jazz.

State of things

One of my favorite things about being an author is my author friends. No, I'm not friends with all authors, but the ones I am friends with are amazing. They are creative in a way that is hard to explain to people who don't carry the weirdness of writing. They are honest. They are there for me when I can't write or won't write or seriously shocked by the state of the world in which we float. I don't say live, because I don't immerse myself in it. I can't. I have to pay bills. I don't write to pay bills, which is freeing. I write what I have to write. I think you can tell when you read my books that I don't write on trend or what I think will sell. Shit I have trouble even picking a genre when I have to. I bleed out what is sitting in my brain.

I had a conversation with an author friend of mine yesterday and I feel very lucky that I can do that. Just follow what the characters in my brain are telling me and now worry about my bills. The state of the indie world is a little over saturated with writers. On one hand it's awesome because I feel like if you have a story in you let it out. On the other hand it gives people who think they can write a platform and maybe they don't do what they need to be on the same playing field. I say that because I write. I love writing. Publishing is an entirely different animal.

Publishing is timing, editing, cover, and a shit load of luck. All that's cool with me, but I know some authors that need to pay bills who keep putting books out there and haven't hit the mother load that some have with their first book. Is there envy? Sure. Is there jealousy? I'm not really a jealous person, but I could totally see how that would happen. Is there regret? Not from me. You want to know why? Because I write what I want to and I don't regret a single word.

Okay, maybe a word or two...

Emotions- Stream of consciousness

My family is going through a loss right now. It's so difficult to lose anyone you love, let alone someone so young. I'm stoic. When you look up the definition of stoic you find it means "a person who can endure pain or hardship without showing their feelings or complaining." I lean toward stoic. This is so weird because of the books I write. I'm told on a weekly basis how my books are full of emotion or made readers feel the emotion of the characters. I wear that as a badge of honor because I love books that make me feel the emotions of the character. If they don't, I feel disconnected and end up not loving the book.

I have been this way (stoic) since I was 18. My emotions were battered that year and I felt every single one of them for months. I think after that I just couldn't do it. I feel things, but I don't show them. When I say I don't, I just mean usually. I cry at funerals...sometimes. I tend to cry at things that don't really matter. I've only cried reading twice, but give me a movie and I cry. It's a weird feeling.
Instead of showing emotion on the outside, I feel turmoil on the inside. I have a digestive disorder due to stress and, I believe, my lack of outward emotion.

I will say this, I do have emotions that I have no problem showing such as anger, ambivalence, amusement, curiosity, happiness, joy, and frustration. You get the point. In self reflecting, I know this is a defense mechanism my brain developed about 20 years ago, that makes me feel old as fuck. I can feel old as fuck, obviously.

I do wonder if this takes a toll on a person, this lack of showing the emotions of sorrow, grief, pain. Sometimes I'm jealous of people who have no problem showing these feelings, my husband is very comfortable with showing this emotions. Then there is me.

When I told my son last night about his cousin passing away he asked me if I was sad. I told him of course I was sad. I loved Amber and I will miss her. He asked if it was okay to cry. I said, "of course you should cry, it'd be weird if you didn't cry. She was your cousin."
This prompted my self reflection. Also, a friend said she wished she could control her emotions, which I am the queen of, and I told her it's a strong person who can let her emotions show.
I think that's right. It's a defense mechanism for me to hide my sorrow, then I release it all into my writing. All of it.

The truth is that you all read my pain, which is camouflaged as a character's in some way. My sorrow is woven through my characters' words and I somehow feel lighter and better. Since I started writing again, I haven't been as sick (digestively speaking). This goes to show you that your body does want those emotions to leave your body in some way. Holding them in is toxic and I wish sometimes that I could just let them go in an appropriate manner. I think another really sad book is brewing, but only after I finish the really funny, sexy Sunshine & Whiskey.

Writers are weird.

So my first book was published in 2004. I wrote it while I was in law school. It is out of print. I keep toying with re-writing. It needs a re-write before I release it. Then I get focused on a project I'm working on and forget about it.

Razorblade Kisses is my new standalone book that I keep changing my mind about publishing. This book took me on an unexpected journey. One thing I pride myself on is when my books are published there really is nothing like them out there. I have a problem with promotion because I don't fit in a box. I need a couple of boxes for all my shit...I digress. So sometimes I'm gung ho about publishing, other times I just want to write about different things and crawl into a hole.

I'm writing three other books right now and thinking of more in my mind, but once a week my mind drifts back to my first book. The one that I felt compelled to write in the middle of the night when I went to law school and worked every day. The one that I woke up at 2:00 am and saw the first page, that never really changed. I wonder if I'll continue to push it aside. It is not a conventional story. It's real, like most of my books. The characters all have flaws and are typically un-predictable. We'll have to stay tuned to see. I usually go with the loudest voice in my head.

As I continue on this journey, I really love half the people I meet (I'm just being honest). I am continuously surprised by the friends I've made in this indie world because I'm a pretty cynical person. These people alone have been worth taking the leap to publish again. To lay bare in front of the world and let them judge me. It is an eye opening, humbling experience that I will never forget.

I love writing.
I can't live without writing.
I can live without publishing.

Help...it comes with a reward!

So I'm asking for some help from all my awesome readers on goodreads. I want to get all my books to 100 reviews on amazon. In order to help facilitate this I promise to write a novella with the characters from the series when they do reach 100. Mending and Heart in Wire need the most help, so if you wouldn't mind taking a minute and reviewing my books I would really appreciate it.

I honestly appreciate each and every one of you and the novella would be free for the first five days and then would only be $.99. I have a couple of ideas, so hurry up before I forget!!

Thank you all so much!!

Blank Pages

Okay, so I'm going to try this Wattpad thing out and post as I'm writing a book I promised for my nephew. So it'll be a fantasy of sorts and there will be no real romance, or cussing or anything like I normally do. So it may be a huge disaster, that, at least, will be entertaining.

Check it out. The prologue and the first chapter are up so far.

http://www.wattpad.com/56244088-blank...

Razorblade Kisses

So I recently decided that I would, in fact, publish this book. It will be released January 8, 2015. Check out the cover.

https://www.facebook.com/R.L.GriffinB...

Heart In Wire is LIVE!!!

It's alive! If you've been waiting for Patrick's story run get it. http://www.amazon.com/Heart-Wire-Thre...

Mending is LIVE!!!!

Mending is live and I will have three POVs coming out this week. Millie has one, Billy has one and then we check in with George. Here is the link to Mending, however it'll be free from February 12-16. Enjoy the R.L. Griffin fluff, I'm thinking it'll be the only of its sort for a while.


http://www.amazon.com/Mending-Thread-...


Reagan

Bonus Material! How you can get it!

When Tension and Seamless reach 100 reviews on Amazon, I'll release Mending. Mending is free. I'll also release a bonus scene from Billy's POV that happens during HIW that is free. Another POV that I'll release is Millie's from after Seamless. Oh, that's free too.
How, you ask, do I get these free things? Leave a review on amazon, once each book reaches 100 I'll release them.

http://www.amazon.com/Seamless-By-Thr...

http://www.amazon.com/Tension-By-Thre...