Edward Hoornaert's Blog, page 32
May 25, 2019
Effing Feline’s favorite holiday? #wewriwa
I, Effing Feline, wish you a happy Memorial Day!
Of course, that’s an American holiday. If you’re in Canada, happy belated Victoria Day. (I hope you got your garden planted.) If you’re in England, happy Spring Bank Holiday. (Do humans, and not just banks, get the day off work?) For Australians, happy Reconciliation Day. (Is living in Oz so tough you have to become reconciled to it?)
[image error]I’m continuing with the opening scene of Mr V’s near future sci fi romance, Alien Contact for Kid Sisters. Last week we met Quinn, a con artist from Kwadra, an island inhabited by technologically advanced aliens from an alternate Earth. It’s a duplicate of our Earth’s Vancouver Island — but its inhabitants aren’t Canadians celebrating Victoria Day, but descendants of the aboriginal people who lived there before Captain Cook.
Quinn is jacking up the price of a cheap copy of a Kwadran mask that a couple from Oklahoma has already paid for. He has asked for $40 more, then $50, $60 and so on. Edited to fit the guidelines.
The woman’s voice grew loud: “Give us back our money!”
Quinn turned with a sigh, cradling their carving in his arms. “Ninety dollah more.”
“That’s robbery.” The man’s face was red; through thin white hair, his scalp showed red, too. “I ought to call one of your gendarmes.”
They sure as salmon guts weren’t his gendarmes. “Okay, okay,” Quinn said as though heartbroken; “you Uncle Homas too smart for simple Kwadran like me. Only forty dollah more.”
“That’s more like it,” the man said as he dug out his wallet.
Effing Feline here again. Do you know what is the very bestest holiday in the whole galaxy?
International Cat Day!
Be sure to visit the other great writers in Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday.
Alien Contact for Kid Sisters
Fleeing murderous rebels, the queen’s sister finds an alien hero
to save her . . . or is he kidnapping her, instead?
[image error]Marianne Harmon is sick and tired of being just the kid sister of the famous queen of Kwadra Island, home of the marooned aliens from an alternate Earth. Although she daydreams about being a warrior, when rebels bomb the royal ball she’s shunted to one of the many tunnels that honeycomb Kwadra, where she awaits a captain of the valiant Royal Guardians.
Quinn Lebatarde, a Kwadran scam artist fleeing the police, dons the uniform of a Royal Guardian killed by a tunnel collapse. When Marianne mistakes him for her bodyguard, Quinn can’t decide whether to save the feisty maiden, fall in love with her — or get rich by kidnapping her. With bloodthirsty rebels pursuing them and a treasure map in his pocket, what will he choose?
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One of the later books in this series, Rescuing Prince Charming, is available for free for a limited time on Prolific Works, along with other science fiction romance books. Check them all out!
May 23, 2019
Picture It — Sunset in the front yard #mfrwauthor #PictureIt
I’ve decided to try to start a Thursday feature on my blog — a feature that requires little writing, hence time. Each Thursday I’ll post a photograph I’ve taken. I find these photos interesting in themselves. Hopefully some of you will, too.
[image error]
This picture was taken from my yard, about ten feet from the front door. The only editing was to lighten the photo. The sky really was that colorful.
I planted that big mesquite tree at the left. The wound in its backstory (writer’s jargon; sorry!) is that my mother-in-law backed her car over the sapling, flattening it. It not only survived, it thrived, like the characters in my books. Out of adversity, beauty!
May 21, 2019
Lights like the eyes of the devil #mfrwhooks
Time for another hook from Rescuing Prince Charming, a science fiction romance. Dusty Johnson, a mild-mannered tech writer, and a Kwadran* guard have discovered a time bomb hidden in the mechanical deck of an unfinished starship prototype. Now they hurry to remove it from the ship before it explodes.
* Kwadrans are technologically advanced humans from an alternate Earth who are marooned on our Earth.
Too late, she realized she should’ve denied her disdain for the aliens. Even though he was just a security flunky who’d skipped bomb disposal class, her careless admissions might go on her record—and if the Kwadrans started investigating, they might discover her secret. She’d get kicked off the project before they’d finished thanking her for saving the starship.
If she saved the starship. They’d reached a dead end, closed in by walls of machinery.
She forced out words sharp with anger and fear. “You should’ve let me lead. I know this ship.”
“Then you know that if we squeeze through here…” As he wedged himself between the primary and secondary Astrogation Analyzers, his words echoed then died away.
She hated that he was right even more than she was thrilled he was right. Scowling, she followed him to an open space lit by flashing red and yellow LEDs on a recycling meter. The lights were like the eyes of the devil, but she kept moving.
“This is the fifth sabotage attempt in the last few months.” She was almost panting. Too much time spent behind a desk.
“Third,” he corrected.
“Fifth.”
“You know more about this than Security?” He stopped abruptly and shone his flashlight at her face as though interrogating her. His voice was all Kwadran, curt and accusing. “How?”
Temporarily blinded, she banged her elbow against a sharp edge, sending a spear of pain down her ulnar nerve. She rubbed her crazy bone. “The gossip mill down here is the most efficient communication device ever concocted by mankind.”
She was about to bark at him to keep moving, but he’d already turned to weave his way through the machinery. Either he accepted her explanation or he was smart enough to defer the interrogation until later.
Be sure to check out the hooks by other great writers in the Book Hooks blog hop.
Rescuing Prince Charming
She’s no heroine. He’s no Prince Charming.
Not exactly the pair you’d choose to defend Earth’s first starship.
[image error]Dusty Johnson, a self-styled ordinary, everyday woman, responds with extraordinary heroism when saboteurs try to bomb the prototype of Earth’s first starship. She wants to return to anonymity, but that burst of courage propels her ever deeper into dangers that tear the scabs off her dark past — and thrust her into the arms of the unattainable man of her dreams.
Reese Eaglesbrood, an alien prince, yearns to restore his tattered reputation by guiding the starship project to completion, but his fascination with the unassuming heroine threatens to undermine his fragile authority. Shunning Dusty is necessary, yet unthinkable — and when the saboteurs strike again, she may be his only ally against Earth’s most elusive enemies.
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May 18, 2019
Effing Feline, fearless #wewriwa
I, Effing Feline, ain’t afraid of nothing!
Except . . .
Except Ed’s office wall. He’s got all sorts of weird stuff up there, all of it guaranteed to give a cat nightmares. A fish that tastes horrible because it’s made of cedar. (I know, I tried it.) A bird with a wooden beak that could pierce a cat’s heart. Masks straight from a bad catnip trip. Hiss!
[image error]
I’m continuing with the opening scene of Mr V’s sci fi romance, Alien Contact for Kid Sisters. Last week we met Quinn, a con artist from Kwadra, an island inhabited by technologically advanced aliens from an alternate Earth. It’s a duplicate of our Earth’s Vancouver Island — but its inhabitants aren’t Canadians, but descendants of the aboriginal people who lived there before Captain Cook.
Quinn is jacking up the price of a cheap copy of the mask shown below. Edited to fit the guidelines. (And my apologies in advance to any readers from Oklahoma. Blame Ed. He writes this junk, not me.)
With a loving fingertip, Quinn stroked the carving’s ugly, wide-open lips and said, “Fifty dollah more.”
[image error]
“Wait just one darned minute,” said the man, “isn’t this against the law or something?”
“You no on America now, so Merkin law useless.” Merkin was Kwadran slang for Americans, with sexual connotations most of them didn’t know, despite English being their native language, not his. “Where you from you no know that?”
“Oklahoma,” the man said, “and of course we know Kwadra is a sovereign nation.”
Oklahoma — fleecing these two became even more fun! He wondered if these two thought him a drunken Injun despite his people’s technology being more advanced than anything this version of Earth had yet invented. This one’s for all you downtrodden Oklahoma Indians.
“No heard of Uncle Homo,” he lied; “seventy dollah more.”
Effing Feline here again . . . I think. I hadda roll in catnip so’s to forget tha wall, tha wall, so I’m kinda . . . ya no . . . drunk.
Hick!
Be sure to visit the other great writers in Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday.
Alien Contact for Kid Sisters
Fleeing murderous rebels, the queen’s sister finds an alien hero
to save her . . . or is he kidnapping her, instead?
[image error]Marianne Harmon is sick and tired of being just the kid sister of the famous queen of Kwadra Island, home of the marooned aliens from an alternate Earth. Although she daydreams about being a warrior, when rebels bomb the royal ball she’s shunted to one of the many tunnels that honeycomb Kwadra, where she awaits a captain of the valiant Royal Guardians.
Quinn Lebatarde, a Kwadran scam artist fleeing the police, dons the uniform of a Royal Guardian killed by a tunnel collapse. When Marianne mistakes him for her bodyguard, Quinn can’t decide whether to save the feisty maiden, fall in love with her — or get rich by kidnapping her. With bloodthirsty rebels pursuing them and a treasure map in his pocket, what will he choose?
A worthy follow-up to Alien Contact for Idiots, this tale soars as a grand adventure of science fiction romance in the spirit of Romancing the Stone.
Amazon
Amazon Canada
Amazon UK
Amazon Australia
Apple iBooks
Smashwords
Kobo Books
Barnes and Noble
May 14, 2019
A world-class face #mfrwhooks
Time for another hook from Rescuing Prince Charming, a science fiction romance. Dusty Johnson, a mild-mannered tech writer, and a Kwadran* guard have discovered a time bomb hidden in the mechanical deck of an unfinished starship prototype. Now they hurry to remove it from the ship before it explodes.
* Kwadrans are technologically advanced humans from an alternate Earth who are marooned on our Earth.
She retraced her steps to the ladder leading off the Lontreau engine then cradled the bomb in one arm until she reached the bottom of the ladder. The Kwadran was right behind her, shining his flashlight to help her see.
He jumped down the last four rungs. “Hand it over.”
From the front, Kwadran shorts left little to the imagination. Which was a stupid thing to think about at a time like this.
“Give it, you stubborn American. You move too slowly.”
“Carefully,” she corrected. “I move carefully.”
“No time for careful.” He seized the box, hugged it in the crook of his arm like a running back, and raced away.
“You’ll kill us both, you stupid . . .” She followed as he dodged around a tall air filtration casing. He was taking a different route through the machinery than she had. Was it faster or slower? No time even to speculate. With a reckless burst of speed, she caught up to him.
“You’re fast,” he said as he vaulted over an insulated sewer pipe and rounded the purifier complex.
“Track team at The University of Arizona. But I’m surprised” — she slowed to climb over the warm sewer pipe — “to hear a Kwadran admit an American can do anything well.”
He glanced back at her. She wished he wouldn’t do that. If he ran into something, the bomb might explode almost in her face. It wasn’t a world-class face, but her head would look bloody awful without it.
Be sure to check out the hooks by other great writers in the Book Hooks blog hop.
Rescuing Prince Charming
She’s no heroine. He’s no Prince Charming.
Not exactly the pair you’d choose to defend Earth’s first starship.
[image error]Dusty Johnson, a self-styled ordinary, everyday woman, responds with extraordinary heroism when saboteurs try to bomb the prototype of Earth’s first starship. She wants to return to anonymity, but that burst of courage propels her ever deeper into dangers that tear the scabs off her dark past — and thrust her into the arms of the unattainable man of her dreams.
Reese Eaglesbrood, an alien prince, yearns to restore his tattered reputation by guiding the starship project to completion, but his fascination with the unassuming heroine threatens to undermine his fragile authority. Shunning Dusty is necessary, yet unthinkable — and when the saboteurs strike again, she may be his only ally against Earth’s most elusive enemies.
Amazon
Barnes and Noble
Apple iTunes
Kobo Books
Smashwords
May 11, 2019
Effing Feline loves naps #wewriwa
I, Effing Feline, am about to shock you, so hold onto your hair pieces. I sometimes take naps.
Most cats do, of course, but I am such an exceptional specimen, a cat who has accomplished so much, that I know you’re thinking I work 16 hours a day, every day. But I am a BIG CAT — and I can admit that I may, occasionally, take a short cat nap.
And that’s why I’m changing to a different book. Enough with Constellation XXI. Instead, I’m flitting back in time to one of Mr V’s personal faves, Alien Contact for Kid Sisters. He has said he wishes it wasn’t so much hassle to change a title, because he belatedly thought of a better title — Alien Contact for Kidnapped Sisters.
Since I love naps, here’s the very opening.
“Fifty, fifty-five, sixty,” the white-haired tourist said; “there you go, chief, paid in full.”
Chief? Quinn Lebatarde’s lips tightened at the insult, but almost immediately, he grinned. The tourist’s clothes shouted money to burn, as did his Rolex watch and expensive digital SLR camera, so Quinn pocketed the money but held onto the cheap, plaster replica of an ancient Kwadran woodcarving the man and his wife were buying.
Time for some fun. Hordes of tourists crowded the streets, celebrating the birth of the heir to Kwadra’s throne, so business was great; only three more ‘carvings,’ a mask, and some miniature totem poles remained on his rickety street-side table. The prospect of conning this man made Quinn’s day even brighter.
“All original,” he said in the thick accent and broken English dumb tourists expected; if you spoke too well, they didn’t believe you were from an alternate Earth. “Maybe I sell too cheap.”
Instead of giving them their mythological monster from Kwadra’s distant past, he clutched it to his chest — but not very hard, because the trashy fakes broke under the least pressure.
Effing Feline here again. This is book two in the Alien Contact for Idiots series, but I can’t imagine reading them all. Five books so far? That’s enough to make me need to (yawn) take a nap just (yawn) thinking about . . .
(snooooore)
Be sure to visit the other great writers in Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday.
Alien Contact for Kid Sisters
Fleeing murderous rebels, the queen’s sister finds an alien hero
to save her . . . or is he kidnapping her, instead?
[image error]Marianne Harmon is sick and tired of being just the kid sister of the famous queen of Kwadra Island, home of the marooned aliens from an alternate Earth. Although she daydreams about being a warrior, when rebels bomb the royal ball she’s shunted to one of the many tunnels that honeycomb Kwadra, where she awaits a captain of the valiant Royal Guardians.
Quinn Lebatarde, a Kwadran scam artist fleeing the police, dons the uniform of a Royal Guardian killed by a tunnel collapse. When Marianne mistakes him for her bodyguard, Quinn can’t decide whether to save the feisty maiden, fall in love with her — or get rich by kidnapping her. With bloodthirsty rebels pursuing them and a treasure map in his pocket, what will he choose?
A worthy follow-up to Alien Contact for Idiots, this tale soars as a grand adventure of science fiction romance in the spirit of Romancing the Stone.
Amazon
Amazon Canada
Amazon UK
Amazon Australia
Apple iBooks
Smashwords
Kobo Books
Barnes and Noble
May 7, 2019
Yes and no, respectively #mfrwhooks
Time for another hook from Rescuing Prince Charming, a science fiction romance. Dusty Johnson, a mild-mannered tech writers, was searching alone for a time bomb hidden in the mechanical deck of an unfinished starship prototype when she discovered a lone Kwadran* guard who is also searching. She rescues him by helping remove his pants when they got snagged on something in a narrow tunnel.
* Kwadrans are technologically advanced humans from an alternate Earth who are marooned on our Earth.
Dusty pointed her flashlight to help him see, and was rewarded with tight buttocks in typical Kwadran underwear, resembling a thong. She turned her flashlight aside a moment later than she should have.
[image error]
The ‘travel poster’ for this book
And then regretted it. She’d never have such a chance again—if the bomb went off, she might never have a chance to do anything—so what did it matter if she peeked?
But when she looked again, the tunnel was empty. He’d reached the closet-sized room at the other end. After a moment he shouted, “I have the box.”
Figuring she was small enough to avoid the depantsing shard, Dusty crawled into the tunnel. She bunched his pants around the sharp metal to pad the tip.
“Removing the lid,” he said.
She squirmed to the end of the tunnel and poked her head into the closet. Harsh shadows from his flashlight moved like snapping wolves as he turned to her. “Are you insane?” he demanded. “Or the saboteur?”
“Yes and no, respectively. Is that the bomb?”
“I think so.”
“You think so? What kind of bomb disposal expert are you?”
He stared at the box and scowled. “Expert?”
“Oh, God.” Dusty’s eyes went wide. “You don’t know bomb disposal, yet you removed the lid? That could’ve set it off, you stupid idiot.” She’d done the same thing when she opened the lunch-pail lid, but that was different . . . somehow.
Be sure to check out the hooks by other great writers in the Book Hooks blog hop.
Rescuing Prince Charming
She’s no heroine. He’s no Prince Charming.
Not exactly the pair you’d choose to defend Earth’s first starship.
[image error]Dusty Johnson, a self-styled ordinary, everyday woman, responds with extraordinary heroism when saboteurs try to bomb the prototype of Earth’s first starship. She wants to return to anonymity, but that burst of courage propels her ever deeper into dangers that tear the scabs off her dark past — and thrust her into the arms of the unattainable man of her dreams.
Reese Eaglesbrood, an alien prince, yearns to restore his tattered reputation by guiding the starship project to completion, but his fascination with the unassuming heroine threatens to undermine his fragile authority. Shunning Dusty is necessary, yet unthinkable — and when the saboteurs strike again, she may be his only ally against Earth’s most elusive enemies.
Amazon
Barnes and Noble
Apple iTunes
Kobo Books
Smashwords
May 4, 2019
Effing Feline asks why #wewriwa
I, Effing Feline, chose a snippet today in which the surprised hero finds himself asking Why? It’s a question I often ask myself.
Why don’t mice crawl into my food bowl at dinnertime?
Why is a lap not automatically available whenever I wish for one?
Why must I share a house with Twiggles the Dog?
I’m skipping ahead in Constellation XXI, the story of two people who were lovers years ago during their time at the Keening Astrospace Academy. They’d been torn apart by bad choices and guilt but now, under dangerous and mysterious circumstances, they’re reunited. Here Crispin Hunt thinks back to a crucial and puzzling meeting with the heroine, Sienna Dukelsky.
His mouth went dry as he remembered the moment she’d gone from cute schoolmate to fascinating female.
Along the path from Keening Academy’s library to the SimBooths was a large, climbable tangleyarn tree. As he walked under its sprawling shade, he’d heard a muttered curse. Sienna Dukelsky, a year behind him in school, was struggling with homework four meters up, on a broad snarl of branches.
Why had he climbed up to join her? The answer did him no credit — from below, the position of her skirt let him see shapely thighs, and he’d hoped to see more. Even at the time, it had seemed a rather unworthy motivation, and his secondary reason, to provoke a scandalized reaction from her, was no better; she would shriek and yank her skirt down, the reaction he usually got from ‘good girls’ who knew his reputation. She’d been a challenge, a momentary diversion; nothing more.
Moving slowly, as though approaching a skittish kitten, he climbed and sat nearby. Her eyes went wide but she didn’t shriek — and didn’t yank down her skirt, either.
Effing Feline here again. The most inexplicable WHY question of all is — are you ready? — why don’t I have as many Twitter followers as Katy Perry, Barack Obama, or Justin Bieber, the only three with 100K+ followers?
My only explanation seems utterly ridiculous for a cat of MY STATURE, but here goes. Could it be because I don’t have a Twitter account? Surely they don’t expect ME to be bothered with such trivia!
Be sure to visit the other great writers in Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday.
I have great news for you! Through my magical feline telekinetic powers, I have arranged for Constellation XXI to be on sale this week only for a mere $0.99 . What a fantastic cat I am!
There are some other books available, too, including some by Weekend Warriors. Click the pic to open another tab, and look in the Space Opera section.
Constellation XXI
Rediscovering Love at the Worst Possible Time
Although Sienna Dukelsky had been the most promising student pilot at Keening AstroSpace Academy, she inexplicably settles for a routine, unglamorous job guiding incoming spaceships to safe berths at Farflung Space Station. Rumors blamed her startling decision on heartbreak after Crispin Hunt, the love of her life, got expelled.
Approaching Farflung years several later, Crispin’s freighter is met by Sienna’s tugship. Love rekindles, though dampened by old betrayals. And when her ship loses power while aimed straight at the space station, Sienna must confront astonishing secrets about Crispin and his cargo—secrets that make hers the most important job in the galaxy.
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April 30, 2019
Make an honest woman of me! #mfrwhooks
[On the last possible day, I reached my Camp NaNoWriMo goal of 40,000 words. Whew!]
Time for another hook from Rescuing Prince Charming. Last week the heroine, Dusty Johnson, was searching alone for a time bomb hidden in the mechanical deck of an unfinished starship prototype, designed by alien Kwadrans.
What she finds is a man — or rather, a man’s legs — stuck in a narrow tunnel, like a cork in a champagne bottle. While searching the tunnel for the bomb, his pants got caught on something, and there isn’t enough room for him to reach down to free them. Last week’s snippet ended with:
“Pull down my pants!”
“Yes, darling.”
She couldn’t reach in cleanly — not enough room — so she slid her palms up his legs and hips. His pants were velvety twag cotton, an alien fabric from the alternate Earth. She’d never touched a Kwadran this intimately before. Never wanted to. Hoped never to do so, ever again.
She reached his waist, bent her fingers into claws, and pulled. He edged forward. Between the two of them, his slacks edged downward.
[image error]“Leave my underpants on, klootch.”
“I’m a respectable woman, not a klootch.” Hysterical laughter threatened to return. “This is an awkward reach, and we haven’t even been introduced.”
Grunting, she dragged the pants down to his knees. She tried not to notice that he had great muscle tone and that his butt was wow-level firm.
“After this,” she said, panting, “you’ll have to make an honest woman of me.”
“You are dishonest?”
“I didn’t mean –” Despite the sexy body, this jerk typified alien arrogance. Lack of humor, too. “Look, do you want me to free you or not?”
Be sure to check out the hooks by other great writers in the Book Hooks blog hop.
Rescuing Prince Charming
She’s no heroine. He’s no Prince Charming.
Not exactly the pair you’d choose to defend Earth’s first starship.
Dusty Johnson, a self-styled ordinary, everyday woman, responds with extraordinary heroism when saboteurs try to bomb the prototype of Earth’s first starship. She wants to return to anonymity, but that burst of courage propels her ever deeper into dangers that tear the scabs off her dark past — and thrust her into the arms of the unattainable man of her dreams.
Amazon
Barnes and Noble
Apple iTunes
Kobo Books
Smashwords
And before your go . . .
Rescuing Prince Charming is book 4 in the Alien Contact for Idiots series, and though I try to make each book stand alone, some people like to start at the beginning.
You’re in luck! The first book in this series, Alien Contact for Idiots, is on sale for only 99c from May 2 to May 4 — but the sale price is available now, depending on where you live.
Click the pic to get it while it’s inexpensive. I refuse to call it cheap!
April 27, 2019
Effing Feline worships Mother Earth #wewriwa
I, Effing Feline, have a favorite lap in the whole world. It belongs to —
No, not Ed. Sheesh — I have better taste than that. My favorite lap belongs to Mrs Valentine. (Ed has earned the title of Mr Valentine, you know.) She had her birthday recently. I’ll tell you when as soon as I get rid of today’s infomercial.
I’m skipping ahead in Constellation XXI. Here Sienna Dukelsky starts to get to the bottom of the story’s main mystery.
Tired, she stretched her arms overhead, but stopped when she noticed Crispin watching her breasts with too much interest. Although the familiar spark kindled in her nethers, she lowered her arms; she couldn’t use her body to deal with the ravages of betrayal.
Actually she could, and it’d be fun — but it wouldn’t solve anything.
“What is so plarking important you have to report to Security?” she asked as she stretched again, hoping to catch him off guard with the question.
“My cargo.”
Sienna hadn’t thought much about the cargo of exotic animals he hoped to sell on Crassin. Now she added learning about the creatures to her long list of things to do. “What special about the animals you’re carrying?”
“Nothing.”
“When you lie, your eyes narrow and you look off to one side.”
Effing Feline here again. Mrs V’s birthday was on Earth Day, which makes her the original, one, and only Mother Earth! (Or Earth Mother. Something like that.)
Be sure to visit the other great writers in Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday.
Constellation XXI
Rediscovering Love at the Worst Possible Time
When her tugship inexplicably loses power while aimed straight at her space station home, Sienna Dukelsky tries frantically to get her ship working in time. But can she cooperate with Crispin Hunt, a former lover she’d once betrayed, to create a way to regain control before the ship kills thousands?
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