Geoff Herbach's Blog, page 5

Stick a carrot in me: a personal 20 year Ulysses anniversary

In the spring of 1991, I made a pretty serious decision: I joined the Ad Club at the University of Wisconsin — Madison.  I put on some deodorant.  Did some laundry and then attended a few meetings where they served crackers and Cokes.  In the second meeting, I broke out with a bunch of chuckling, [...]

Staring at elephant backsides by myself, or not.

Sitting at my kitchen table this morning, drinking too much coffee so that my elbows buzz, beating my figurative head against a figurative elephant ass, making no progress whatsoever in moving this freaking elephant, I became nostalgic for the good old days, when I wrote largely in a crew of writers who were nice looking [...]

Should be great day! Except I am jerk.

This should be a great day: I haven't yet seen the fantastic Nicole Helget read, even though she lives here in Mankato.  Today I will.  I haven't seen my old pal Jim Coppoc read poetry in several years.  This guy performs.  Today I get to see him. Excellent.  I get to talk about YA writing [...]

Why is MSU MFA on the Huffington Post "Underrated" List? Hmm…

Yesterday, The Huffington Post posted (that's what they do) a nice little article providing info on…(drum roll)… (deep echoey voice calling out)… "The Top 25 Underrated Creative Writing MFA Programs" for 2011-2012.  Minnesota State, Mankato, where I teach was on the list.  The author, Seth Abramson, wasn't exactly sure why people in the know like [...]

Running Outside, No Fear for Ass Cheek

One time at 5 in the morning, I stepped in a hole and broke my right ankle.  I was out for a jog in suburban Washington DC.  It was still dark (why I didn't see the hole).  There were no lights on at any house.  Northern Virginia slept.   I was two miles from home.  [...]

Yesterday the birds did Triple Lindies/Today they make ugly noise.

Yesterday, the sun shone and students ripped off their coats, cut off the legs of their pants, hopped on long boards and barreled through the mall shouting about how happy they were about everything.  And, yes, it was so freaking warm and excellent.  Flowers burst their tiny heads through the dirt. Birds did stunt flying.  [...]

Title Trouble/Title Schmitle/Punch My Face/Maybe Not, Underpants

One morning a couple of years ago I woke up with the words "Stupid Fast" stuck in my head. I had a title before I had a book. Then, the book sort of wrote itself.  Stupid Fast. In January of this year, I woke up with pretty much a book stuck in my head.  I [...]

Minneapolis Geeks United

Parents often worry about their kids' educations.  I do.  My son comes home from his city school and tells me what happened in the bathroom (often resembles a movie bar fight while he tries to do his business) and I get scared.  "Oh no! What are we doing to him? Can he possibly prosper in [...]

I cannot be a French Socialist Dale Earnhardt

  Over the weekend, I shaved my beard down to a mustache and soul patch (modeling the fantastic, spastic Kevin Kline in a Fish Called Wanda). Initially, I did so to entertain my son who enjoys disparate configurations of facial hair. Immediately upon shaving, however, I felt different, on the inside not just out. Yes, [...]

New Tralfamadorian Zoo at Mall of America

This is Scott.  He is living for a whole month in the Mall of America.   He's lives in a glass apartment between Kemps Ice Cream and the Nestle Toll House Cookie Store on the very edge of the Nickelodeon Universe Theme Park (his bathroom is very dark glass — the orange space behind).  He would [...]