Sally Clarkson's Blog, page 85

He Is Not Tame, But He Is Good

"He is not a tame lion," said Tirian. "How should we know what He would do?"

The Chronicles of Narnia, C.S. Lewis

When I first ventured out as a missionary into Communist Eastern Europe, I faced many unknowns with my fellow pioneers. Our doors were pounded by police, we had to smuggle Bibles and Christian materials in our car, and sometimes our knees shook in frightening situations. Our roommates were questioned by the secret police, as Christian ministries were not allowed to exist in a Communist country.

But we believed we were involved in a spiritual revolution for God, who was bigger than governments and stronger than any barriers.

The language was quite difficult, we were lonely, and there was not much food. We could not understand anything on the television, and had no cell phones or personal computers. The food was strange to us, and eggs made up the protein element at almost every meal because we could not get meat very often.

Our parents worried when they heard on the American news that the Russian tanks were plowing into our city in Poland because of the rebellion rising all over the country. We hovered around the BBC radio to try to hear what was really taking place in our country, to try and find out if we were really in danger.

But, deep in our hearts, we had made the commitment to be there because we believed with all of our hearts that we were living for a Kingdom that could not be shaken, and we were determined to bring light to a dark world where Christianity was suppressed.

To us, God was almighty, Holy, and beyond our comprehension; and so we trusted Him to do miracles … and He did. We also knew He was One who heard our prayers and was willing, for the sake of those who believed, to bring powerful redemption to a whole nation and to the world behind the iron curtain.

Our faith was exhibited behind closed doors where our hearts were tested and no one could see.

Sometimes, I miss the fellowship of such believers. We knew that God could not be contained in a box--but that He was much bigger and more powerful than we could ever imagine. We took risks in order to bring this Hope to a world that desperately needed light and and hope.

These many years later, I do not want to be satisfied with what I have seen God do previously in my life. I want a new frontier, a new way and place to cast a vision into the lives of others so that they might understand the infinite ways of His love, wisdom and goodness.

I often feel as though we do God an injustice by playing at words and grappling after finite issues, indulging in pettiness and criticism of others, when the lives and eternal destiny of people are at stake.

How can our children be inspired to live great lives if our lives are not burning with a passion to serve Him and to see His power lived out through our lives?

Perhaps we are indeed guilty at times of straightening the picture on a wall of a house that is burning down, when we focus on temporary issues.

And so, as I reevaluate my life and my goals, I pray:

Let my faith not be limited to mere words on the internet, but let my life be a sacrifice to real people who need to know the loving touch of your hands, the power of life-giving words, the healing of forgiveness and acceptance that you have so generously provided.

Let my messages be filled not with rules and lists and formulas, but with truth, vision and foundational instruction. In the power of your Holy Spirit, God, give me renewed faith, boldness, compassion, so that I may expect to see your power through my life in new ways. In the next 10 years, what would you imagine for me to accomplish for your kingdom? What would you have Clay and me venture to help others understand your power?

Please, Lord, let our faith never diminish to a point of limiting you to a mere philosophy or dogma. Help us always to see you as the Lion of Judah, the God transcendent, the one who crafted the galaxies and put in place the eyelashes on a baby's face. 

And let my children understand these truths and live their story faithfully, boldly, to give profoundly of your love and life ‘til they see you face to face.

As we ponder your omnipotence, that you are greater than we could imagine, 

that your ways and thoughts are higher than ours and that you can do whatever you choose, 

let that picture of you inspire us to bow our knees to your will and be willing to risk and work with all of our hearts to please you until we see you face to face in all of your beautiful wildness, glory and splendor.

From Toddlers To Teens: Seeking Independence. With Holly Packiam & Sally

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“I want to carry it!” Starts early. Recently when in England, I told Lillian we would buy some flowers for mama. She helped me pick them and then they were hers! She did not want to put them down-not even when we were jiggling on the train. She had a legitimate desire to surprise mama.. Independence starts early. 

There is a window of time when children are little and are dependent upon their parents, believe everything they say and want to please them. This season of innocence and trust passes so quickly This is the time to prepare their hearts to be ready for the years when they will naturally, designed by God, begin to seek independence of thought and convictions.

All teens, in order to grow into adulthood strong and ready to face life, must test what they have been taught and own what they really believe. It is the passage between childhood and adulthood. These years--be they preteen or teen, come far too quickly. Maneuvering this transition with wisdom and faith is essential to coming through at the other end with a relationship still intact.

Living by faith in our family meant an ever-growing understanding of His presence in the life of our children  and in our home. We deeply loved and related to our children, and consequently, in their teen years, we found that our relationships were founded on trust after a lifetime of building it that way.

Sympathy goes a long way in teen years. Teens want to be affirmed, loved and accepted by others their age--it is a healthy part of straining towards adulthood to become independent and stand on their own two feet. And yet it is a growing process.

Use words of life and encourage, love and accept your children, even more intentionally than before.

Teens are having thoughts about sex, girls and boys, and mysterious developments in their bodies that sometimes make them feel overwhelmed and distracted. Make sure to remember this and to ask yourself what is going on inside, not just outside your children.

If you have talked to them about everything in the world before they become teens--developed a trust relationship where they can confide things--fears, thoughts, negative feelings, doubts about God, without you reacting in fear or giving them guilt, then they will probably want to talk to you about the mysterious issues of a teenage life and you will be their ally.

But if they think you will get mad, make fun of them, yell, not understand, then often they will seek the input of others--and those others may not have your values. So teen years are the time to deeply work on building that trust relationship--so that you will always know what is going on. Better yet, start working on it when they are tiny so they will naturally come to you.

Don't ever say, "My children will never do such and such!" Beware--it is a very challenging world out there for teens and young adults, and pride goes before a fall!  And they need you to walk beside them every step and to be very involved, to help protect them from unnecessary scars and to help them make wise decisions. All of us fail in some ways in our lives, so be sure to exhibit and express that your children can always come to you with anything and then prove to them that you can be trusted by listening, not reacting, and helping them with a gentle spirit.

Hormones throw preteens and teens into a slump of regressing, at times, because the hormones disrupt the familiar patterns of their body and brains! Moodiness, sleeping longer, emotional bouts over seemingly little things, are a norm with kids going through hormones. Not to mention all of the sexual changes, which are of incredible magnitude. Many times a mom is tempted to become exasperated and angry at the child, as though it is a willful choice. But since all of my four children went through this passage with such issues, though expressed in different ways, I could be more rational and not take it personally.

Many moms say that from one day to the next, their children change---Hormones!

And sometimes the passages feel a little like the toddler years. You are supposed to be the mature one who doesn't yell and become emotional--but the humorous fact is that often when moms have teens, they are reversing in their own hormones and often have emotional and angry bouts themselves.

Grace, strong heartedness and love covers a multitude of sin!

Teen years are the making of the child into an adult and the humbling of the parent who realizes they never were in control of their children! But it also makes for forming great adult friendships that will give back to you the rest of their lives. Take heart and a deep breath and expect to see God's grace and provision in new ways--and above all, don't let it get you down. It is a normal process for all of history--the reason Solomon wrote Proverbs to teens,  and the means through which many adults become more humble and compassionate for others.

Take Heart! :)

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Shadows of Our Lifelong Influence in our Children's Hearts With Clay & Sally

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The older I get, the more amazed I am at what kind of parent God is towards me. He is initiating, generous, humble, providing, kind, patient, redeeming, constant, responsive, gives us everything for my sake—grace over all.

The more I ponder and worship Him, the better parent I have become.

Seems that when I write on child discipline, I always get the most interest and controversy at the same time. I would never want to offend anyone, but it is a huge issue and debate amongst believers.  My desire is to offer, perhaps, some perspective and to encourage moms in this role. I never want to offend or hurt anyone's feelings, and yet, I have learned that a gentle answer turns away wrath. Our sweet children need our gentleness and patience even as we need God's.

But the questions keep coming: How do we do it? What is the method? What are the rules for every single situation, age, and how to match the discipline to the action? What to do? What to do?

And yet, I have realized over the years that the most important element to a Christian parent, in regards to discipline, is not the method, but the heart attitude towards God as a Father of us.

If one believes that God is works oriented, possibly harsh in correcting our sin, relentless in pursuing our keeping of the law, then one will be more likely to be harsh in discipline, and feel it is an obligation of parents to correct and point out every flaw of character and immaturity of a child-- that  correct behavior is the goal, then often, this person,  can tend to believe in harsh discipline methods, with a good heart, thinking they are saving their child's soul. This is the parent who embraces adversarial parenting.

However, I believe that the more a person truly understands the character of God and His mercy and love and patience and servant's heart as a parent toward his children, then one must adopt the role of an advocate towards their children as God is our advocate. Even as the Holy Spirit is our advocate and as Jesus lives daily to intervene and to pray for us, His children, so God is there to help us, to love us, to draw us, through His love and mercy, to His holiness.

Indeed, God is our advocate and models to us a parent's love that eventually ended for him in sacrificing His whole life for the sake of His children.

I hope you will enjoy the second podcast with Clay and me sharing our thoughts about what we have learned about parenting to reach the hearts of our own four, who love us and love the Lord—all by His grace. We are always putting in something in their lives—we invest through the seasons:

Investing in children’s lives in Christ:

 

Children: Instruct (Latin: in + build) in the early years we are teaching truth, correcting and directing behavior

Youth: Influence (Latin: in + flow) During these adolescent years we are walking beside them on the path of life, showing, giving examples, coaching, companioning

Adult: Involved (Latin: in + surround) For the adult years, we never abandon our children but we stay in their orbit—surrounding them with help, encouragement, love always.

Printable:


Proverbs 15:1 Coloring Page PDF

Books Referenced in this Podcast:





















































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Lifegiving Parenting: A Faith & Heart Approach With Clay and Sally Clarkson

"Or do you think lightly of the riches of His kindness and tolerance and patience, not knowing that the kindness of God leads you to repentance?" ~Romans 2:4

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“Mama,” one of my children wrote this week, “one of the reasons I kept listening to you, even when I was a teenager, was that I always felt you were “for” me, on my side, you understood my quirks, you accepted me. Isn’t that the standard of Christ’s love toward all of us?”

Many of you who have read our books know that Clay and I are very relationship-based in our approach to children. As we looked to Christ for His model in how He reached the hearts of his disciples, so we wanted to develop a close and deep with ours. Yet, I think because every parent wants to do everything right, they often become susceptible to whatever parenting book they get their hands on first, seeking to find a formula for disciplining children.

Many books and materials on the market and in the Christian realm in the past few years have focused so much on formulas, offering harshness as an acceptable use of authority and law. This is what many parents long for--"Just give me the rules and tell me how to do it right so at 18, I’ll have a perfect child!” We would prefer a cookie-cutter approach to children, a one size fits all. And yet, none of us is the same, or has the same personality and response, and as we grow as parents, we realize that faith, patience and growing are the foundations of good parents.

Often, these very materials that sell the most add human wisdom and opinion to formulas that sound very inviting, But even if a Christian-sounding title or spin is added to them, these christianese manifestos are much like the hundreds of rules the Pharisees added to the law which served to put people under fear: if they don't do everything right, it will be their fault if their children do not turn out well but go astray. They then diligently correct every little immaturity and misbehavior of their children, becoming authoritarian parents.  They are at-home policemen, watching for every possible "sin" and bad behavior, treating their children harshly when bad behavior is manifested. Instead of enjoying their children, they feel stressed and angry that their children insist on whining and doing things to irritate them all the time.

The formula approach is neither Biblical nor productive. I am so very glad Jesus does not treat me this way, or I would give up! Though I am now in my 60's, I still sin, act in an immature way, and feel selfish sometimes. But He gently leads me, continuing to teach me wisdom as I seek His Word. He gives me understanding through the Holy Spirit so that little by little, I become more like Him. Holy, even. Hebrews tells us, "He disciplines us that we may share in His Holiness." He does this through training in our circumstances, over a lifetime--and He is never, never harsh with us, even in our immaturity, if our heart is turned toward Him. 

How do you picture Jesus with the multitudes? As a policeman with a frown on his face? Or as the good shepherd, the one who saw them and felt compassion, the one who took the children into His arms to bless them. He was the servant leader, who washed feet and made meals. His harshness was often expressed to those who were the rule keepers, who, he said, “heap burdens on the people with their many laws.”

Books Referenced in this Podcast:


























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Join my friends and me in membership at Life with Sally, a place for me to share more teaching from the Bible and messages on education, motherhood, discipleship, and more!

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When Doubt & Darkness Threaten: We Need One Another

Joy and I walked along the beach, amazed at the divine display in the midst of our talking about doubts that come into our lives.

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Doubts are a part of normal life for thinking people. Perhaps you have entertained doubts in your heart the last few crazy weeks. “What is the future going to be like? How will the economy recover? What is the future for my children? Where is God in the midst of this debacle? What if I am ruining my children by my inconsistencies?”

Learning that doubt is a part of the journey of life in a broken world has taught me not to be alarmed by doubts.

Some years ago, when Joy was in college we talked about the kinds of doubts that plagued us both from time to time.

We spoke of times when feelings overwhelmed and we doubted God’s presence in the midst of difficult seasons. Then we spoke of the Psalmists who thought and felt the same thing.

When I first experienced my first time working with a child about their doubts, it scared me to my toenails.

Panic ran through my mama heart like icy cold water and I immediately feared that anything I had ever done or would do would be enough. What if my child gave up her faith? What if I hadn't discipled her the right way or taught the the right verses? What had I done wrong and how could I be sure that she wouldn't lose her faith?

Sarah was 13 when doubt first entered her world and it bothered her often through the next years, and to some degree because she was such a deeply “pondering and thinking” teen. I immediately knelt in prayer and probably this made me invest in my children more than if she had never had doubts.

But eventually all of my children would go through stages of doubt. I learned that for our children to own their faith in an adult manner, they must ask the questions, search scripture and finally own convictions for themselves to have a strong mature faith. It is a part of growing from childhood to adulthood, to wrestle with what they have been taught and to test it to see if it holds up against their growing worlds.

It is the same with us—doubt is natural. Yet, learning to choose to believe in God’s reality, His goodness, and being obedient to follow hard after Him is a process of maturity for all of us who have given our lives and allegiance to Him.

There is much I could say about this issue, but I loved this article that Joy wrote many years ago and thought it would be well worth printing again here, as I know many of you have asked me about it. But all four of my children have gone through stages of doubt at one time or another.

My response to Sarah those years ago was,"I know your heart and I see that you sincerely want to love God. He is strong enough for you to question Him. You can ask Him anything and probe scripture and I believe you will find your answers. But until you come back to a strong faith for yourself, I will believe for you and pray for you and ask God to show His light on your heart issues. But, this does not cause me to doubt you, as I know in my heart you will sort all of this out in time. Don't fear, my sweetness, God loves you and will guide you."

Our children, like us, need support and love and affirmation when they are walking through dark times. But in order for them or us to have a legitimate faith, we need to learn to wrestle with God. Here is Joy's article: 

“Sometimes I wonder if people knew what I really thought and felt, if they would think I was a prodigal?… that I’m losing my faith.”

The words fell out of my mouth quickly and awkwardly. I had waited many months to say them and felt an odd sensation at allowing their sudden presence in the room. I could not unsay them. They seemed fall with a thud in the heavy air and bring with them a shadow– a shadow that had hung in my mind for quite some time. Across from me sat my professor, leaning in, head tilted, hands crossed. I searched his eyes for a response- did he think I was losing my faith?  

For a moment, the words hung in the silence, and he did not reply. I couldn’t read his expression, it seemed sad, intent, but not condemning. I looked down at the notebook I had brought with me. Inside it were neatly written questions, questions that had begun to haunt me several months before, and that had begun to quickly spill in the margins of my journal no matter how hard I tried to push them out. There were no more questions written out; I had asked (or perhaps ‘confessed’ is a better word) them all in that office hours appointment. I thought I had said all I needed to say, but then…

“I want to be a Christian. I want to have faith. I did not ask for these doubts, but they stay with me. I wish I could just put them to bed and move on with my life and faith.”

I suddenly felt an unwanted lump emerge in my throat.

The “cloud of unknowing” as Madelein L’Engle puts it came upon me one January day. I had a miserable and feverish cold and had just made myself tea. I had arrived back at school a bit early for a debate tournament. My cold was a nasty one accompanied by my childhood bane of asthma, which stole my voice. So, I stayed home from the tournament.

I remember sitting down, sniffing painfully, and suddenly feeling a cloud descend on me. The first feeling of doubt wasn’t really an articulated intellectual question, but rather a general feeling of estrangement from my beliefs. Recently in that year, I had encountered a situation that shook me up in what I believed about Christians. I saw Christians saying one thing, acting another way, which is not so uncommon, we are after all fallible humans. In this situation, however, what struck me was the profound dissonance between  what they said they believed, and how their actions seemed to deny that belief as a possibility. It raised an awareness in me; was I doing this too? Did what I believed– and indeed who I believed in– really mean something in my life? And further from that, did God care about the inconsistencies? Did He care about me? Who is God? Why didn’t He speak to me?

It was like I had been swimming in a pool of what I had always believed, and I had gotten out for a moment, and observed the pool from the side.  It was cold there, but I wasn’t sure if I wanted to get back in. I wondered if I had always assumed my swimming pool to be the Ocean when it really wasn’t.

That day began a journey of months of searching. Though I never stopped going, church became difficult. A new question would present itself at each reading of my Bible. My eyes were suddenly opened to a thousand unexamined presuppositions that I held. And always, there was the attending feeling of isolation, as though I had broken up with a best friend.

I had often heard people say to me “When people doubt, its because they’re being tempted to sin, and they don’t want to think there’s a God to hold them accountable.” This may be true for some, and certainly and easy out to seemingly constricting morals would be to deny the maker of the morals existed to begin with. But, for me, this was not true. I had no boyfriend I was tempted to compromise with. I didn’t have a secret addiction. In my truest heart of hearts, I did not want to give up on my faith. I simply wanted to know that it was big enough. I wanted to know it was not a faith made in my own image– something that made me feel better but wasn’t really true.

One weekend, my mom came and visited me. We ate burgers on the pier, enjoyed the delightful ease of laughing with someone who really knows you, watched the sunset and then went for a walk on the beach. As we walked along the water, putting our toes in as the chilly waves licked the shore, I began to share with her some of my thoughts. She listened and held my arm. As we walked, the night snuck into the sky. In a rare occasion for the polluted skies of Los Angeles, stars began the freckle the darkness, and shine out optimistically. Our conversation paused for a moment, and we stood and watched and listened as the waves came steadily in.

“I once had many of those questions, too, Joy. And sometimes they come to me again. But in Jesus, I found some thing so big, so loving, and so true, that I hold onto him. He is big enough for your questions. He threw these stars into being, and He poured this ocean out on the earth like a cup of water. If you hold on, I know He’ll find you.” she said, with years of memories swimming in her eyes.

The waves crept over my cold feet. The Ocean beckoned me out. My doubt did not end there, but a new search began, the search for the Jesus of the Waves and Stars.

Something that truly helped me in that time, was reading the Gospels and the Psalms. In my time of doubt, I scoured my Bible for answers. Often, I did not find exact answers, but I found that my desires were echoed. In the Psalms I discovered that I was not alone. Before me, David and the psalmists had cried out to God, to know that He was there, that He cared about bringing justice, that He would speak and not be silent.

It was perhaps the Gospels that most profoundly effected me. In the Gospels, I encountered Jesus. As I read, there was a newness in the stories I had never experienced, and Jesus began to come to life from the page to me. He was strange, strong, and sometimes confusing. In His words, I found a deep down truth. I began to truly fall in love with Jesus… with his words, with his life, with his call to die.

It was somewhere in the midst of that process of that reaching, struggling, winning and losing battle to know the truth, that I found myself in the meeting with my professor, true words hanging in the air, silence unbroken. But finally, he broke it.

“They probably would think you were a prodigal.” he said, but his eyes told me that he did not think I was.

“Joy, doubt is never a good or happy thing. It is lonely and long. But doubt can be redeemed. In doubt, you go to the depths of yourself, but there you can find God. And if you find God there, your relationship with Him will be more deep and more strong than it could have been if you hadn’t have doubted. You may never put your doubts completely to bed. But for me, I find that I cannot get past Jesus. He is my bedrock that I fall upon no matter how deeply I doubt. In Him, I find the reason that Paul said “I have counted it all loss to know Christ Jesus and to share in his sufferings.”

I swallowed and managed out a smile.

Now, these many years later, my sweet Joy is now encouraging people all over the world through her own podcast (Speaking with Joy) but she speaks with compassion and understanding and inspires others all over the world.

Here are some ways I encouraged my children, and others who have struggled with doubts and fears.

1. Tell them you love them and believe in them.

2. Tell them you know that God is trustworthy and you have found in your own life, He is faithful and leads you to answers that satisfy.

3. Pray with them and for them.

4. Stay close to them and take them out for coffee, a meal, time where they can freely share apart from the company of others—(tea-time discipleship) and speak words of love, affirmation and hope..

Find books that help or answer their questions: Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis, Tim Keller's book, The Reason for God are two books that are useful to answer questions.

Often, my children were doubting God, they were doubting because it didn't seem like He was answering prayer, or because other Christians had hurt or disappointed our family or acted without integrity or one of their friends had fallen from faith or adopted an immoral lifestyle. There are many reasons in a world full of temptation, but I think staying close, communicating love, affirming and understanding their questions and speaking forward into their lives is helpful. And of course, pray, pray, pray!

Jesus knew that Peter would be tempted and give in and He spoke forward by saying, "I have prayed for you. When you return, strengthen the brethren." Jesus affirmed His value, believed in his future, loved him in spite of his struggles and gave him a mission--this will help you be stronger so you can help others.

Blessed is the child, the friend, the husband who has a faithful woman by his or her side when they walk through this valley. Praying for you all today!

Books Referenced in this Podcast:






































































The Lifegiving Table: Nurturing Faith through Feasting, One Meal at a Time

By Clarkson, Sally


































More Resources:


Speaking with Joy Podcast

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Subscribe to this podcast on iTunes, Stitcher, or your favorite podcast app.

Leave an iTunes Review These are so important as they help our podcast reach more women with messages of encouragement.

Follow on Facebook and Instagram for the latest news and updates.

Share with others. My prayer is that this podcast brings encouragement to women and families, and I would be honored for you to tell others about it.

Join my friends and me in membership at Life with Sally, a place for me to share more teaching from the Bible and messages on education, motherhood, discipleship, and more!

Play Episode

Releasing Control of Our Children

I am missing my children so much right now as we are unable to see one another “in real life", as they are truly my best friends. But as I have talked to them all over the past weeks, one thing I keep being made aware of is how little "control" we have over our children.

So, I have been pondering a few things I wish I had known more about as a younger mom.

It is easy to develop ideals when you have little ones about how your children's  lives will look when they become older--their friends, college, meeting a mate, having good health, flourishing in their jobs, that they will live nearby or attend the church you attend—all kinds of things come to mind. But these expectations are often disappointed when our children enter their adult worlds. We must have a truly Biblical perspective of this world, an understanding of this being the temporary place.

"Lay up your treasures in heaven" must be a grid through which we look at life as we lead our children day by day.

We can control some of the external circumstances of our young children by directing their schedules and making choices for them, but ultimately, they will all have to grow up and stand on their own two feet. And they must learn to develop their own "muscle" and learn to walk their own walk of faith with God if they are ever going to be strong. We cannot do that for them.

This generation of young adults (of which some of you are!)  is facing very serious moral dilemmas, leadership crises of every kind, a most-prevalent humanist worldview, breakup of the family, economic problems, and more. And so I have learned, as have all the other friends I have who have adult children, that we cannot control everything in the world that our young adult children will inherit. So we must do our best to prepare them to know how to manage their lives in the world they will be entering.

Life will never be "fair" to us, in this fallen world. This is so important for children to understand. If we do not prepare our children with appropriate expectations of what the world will hold for them, it is like sending a private into a major battle without training, experience, reinforcements, confidence, or a plan. Teaching our children to be spiritually strong is not about having them keep the right rules. A living, active relationship with God which is their own, is our goal. We will be sending our children out into the world as sheep to wolves, unless we train them in character and prepare their expectations along the way, so that the "world" will not be a surprise.

Moms who are helicopter parents—who hover over their children, make all the decisions for their children, protect their children from every possible hurt, meet all their children's needs and thereby create a sense of unearned "entitlement" — are preparing them for a disastrous future. If our children are going to be generals in this battle of life, they must go through life training to prepare them to be able to stand strong--and to know what to expect from the enemy.

This world a place of battle for souls, for ideals, for faith, for stability. It seems there is compromise in the lives of believers at every point. All of my adult children have been confronted with myriads of very serious problems and choices at each step of the way, along with the loneliness that comes from living a life of ideals and faith in a generation of young adults who do not value those ideals.

So, what can a mom do? I think one of the most important roles of a mom is begin by giving her children to God, and then praying seriously and intentionally for her children, with an understanding that apart from Him, and His intervention and grace, our children have no hope. No formula is ever going to be perfect enough to insure their insulation from a very difficult world.

Next comes loving God with integrity and intentionality in front of them, so they will learn a life of faith from us and want to love the God we love, even if that desire takes time to surface.

We also need to teach them how to walk with God on their own, so they can pour out their hearts and souls to Him for themselves, so God can guide them and speak to the issues of their lives. When our children face these very challenging places, they will need to have the means of finding wisdom from the Word of God for themselves. We can give them this habit by allowing them to see us practicing it in our own lives.

But there is one more central issue for passing on a strong foundation: we must teach them to live for God's kingdom and for eternity. Trying to build a kingdom in this world is vain—empty, and if we pass on worldly values to our children, they may never find what they are looking for, as this world will not ultimately satisfy.

No one person will ever be able to fill all their needs or make them happy (the world's picture of a romantic life.)  And no amount of "things" or status will satisfy their souls. So, we must help them to understand that "He who loses his life for the sake of the gospel is the only one who will gain his life,” as Jesus taught.

To live for the kingdom gives us hope that somehow, even in this broken place with broken people, our lives can have meaning in light of eternity.  This is a secret for helping our children flourish in their lives amidst all of the challenges they will face--to give them a heart that understands eternal consequences, and to encourage them to live their lives writing a story that will follow them into heaven for all time.

Finally, a mom is called to intercede for her children, to champion her children and give courage and love and hope and strength each step of the way, because we are to be the companions of spiritual strength and hope our children need even after they move on from our homes! We are to help our children keep loving God, by loving them and bringing life to their souls, bodies, and emotional needs, as long and as much as we can, so they will never have to feel alone or unchampioned in this life. A mama's responsibility is never over ‘til she goes to see Jesus, herself.

And so, we must give up the notion that we will ever be in control of our children's lives, but we hold fast to the understanding that we are God's servants of grace to them as long as we live. And that is why He thought moms were such a good idea when He made the first woman and called her the mother of all the living.

Hold Fast to Love, Laughter & Beauty! It is Your Grace & Podcast

In April, several years ago, I took an evening walk with Sarah in Oxford and God painted the sky for us.The sky literally looked like it was on fire. Magnificent! Amazing! Wonderful—a moment we would never forget. Taking a photo of it gave a sense of worship in my heart for that moment I shared with Sarah. It was a breathless moment, a quiet one, in which we just stood together and watched the sky change from fire to pink to purple to dark.  An amazing moment, the church across the street from her home.

There is darkness in our world, discouragement, confusion. Yes, this is a really crazy time and we are not living as healthy as God intended us to—without regular contact with community, family, friends, church, restaurants, trying to meet all of our own needs alone without the normal interaction of those who used to be our support system. But there is still beauty, people we can love and be loved by, things to laugh at, and places where we still see goodness and God’s lifegiving creativity in our daily lives.

Things I am doing to try to keep my soul alive and filled.

Every morning lately, when I go walking in the national park areas near my home, I am almost overcome by the breathtaking beauty. I cannot ever seem to get a photo as beautiful as it is. It does take time and commitment to do it, but it really fills my soul.

This early morning I am listening to Ralph Von Williams on my Spotify, and sometimes switching to Alexander Desplaut, (two of my favorite film composers) or to a new channel—Wind Machine, or to a beautiful film score channel, or Celtic Fantasy or to my son, Joel Clarkson channel..

I poured myself a cup of Yorkshire Gold tea and chose my favorite tea cup and lit all the candles around me, like I do every day. I purchased 3 bunches of flowers at Walmart and they are around my house. Indulging myself by looking at velvety red roses that I found on sale is bringing me much pleasure.  After all, I am an adult and I can buy myself flowers once in a while when I think I need them! I am looking out my windows on tall, lean pines amidst the bluish-purplish gray sky, and noticing that the aspen trees are beginning to shimmer in the wind—a favorite late spring, summer pastime. To listen to them is a joy.

I have taken literally thousands of pictures of beautiful flowers, sunrises, scenes in nature this spring because it is a sort of worship in the moment a recognizing His fingerprints as I go through my days.

I am working on a new book about the foundational love of Jesus and how it transforms the way we live and I have almost been overcome by the amazing passages about his compassion and kindness. Oh how He is every good thing I would ever want my Heavenly Father to be. His word has humbled me and touched my heart. Now is a time I need compassion, mercy and kindess—so I am grateful.

I am taking time to love Jesus and tell Him how very happy I am that He is real and with me--that He has painted the sky and made music to stir my soul and that He is with me loving me. I am seeking to cultivate love notes to heaven as I appreciate the lover who is invisible but here in my life today. I have to take time to remember to keep our love fresh, just like I have to do with Clay. I have to work so that I don't lose my first love.

Taking time daily to talk to my kids, my besties, has given me a new gratefulness for our family. I text Joy and Sarah and tell them I am the most blessed mama in the world because they are such treasures to me. "I love you more every day." I tell them. Nathan calls me before I get a chance to call him and we chat at "besties" and I tell him that God is with him and that God and I love him. Joel comes up for a first cup of tea. "Hi, wonderful Joel. So thankful for you today." Words of love invested every day form a heart that feels full of HIs love because we have modeled Him to them in the oxygen of our moments.

Darcy Dog comes ambling in with a tennis ball in her mouth and throws it at my feet. I look at her, really notice how darling and ridiculous she is all at the same time. She makes me giggle a lot no matter what kind of day I am having. And I thank God for my silly dog and how much she makes me smile.

I see there are many beautiful, precious women who have deep burdens to bear--a prodigal son or daughter; a heavy and dark marriage partner who refuses to love or give grace; many with chronic illness-- 3 friends with cancer, pain, many living quietly with years of heart-break they bear in silence. Different, outside the box kids, illnesses of every sort. A truly lovely single mom was abandoned by her husband for a woman he met on facebook.

I could go on. I am familiar with deep sadness in my own life, some things I will never be able to share publicly because I believe in loyalty and protection of my family and friends from the public eye. It is my sacred trust to bear up through dark passages and to trust it just to Him, as He has promised to be with me.

We are subject all round us to the consequences of a fallen world--so beautifully made, so scarred and marred by the illness of our own souls, the sin that has created havoc, abounding in so many corners of life. And there it is for our children to figure out. Innocence and hope are my heart's desire--to be like a child fully delighting in life. But God has trusted me with adulthood and so I bow to His will.

Much of the sadness or at least sad circumstances will be with these precious women, who are in my heart, for many, many years--if not their whole lives.

But the circumstances of their lives do not need to define who they are or how they live.

This day is a place to light a candle in the darkness, to bring hope to sadness, to celebrate that He has overcome the world. Yet, doing this requires a grid that says, "I am the one called to bring light."

I often hum the old Steve Green song from scripture, "Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good."

I have added my own verses, "Do not be overcome by darkness, but overcome darkness with light."

"Do not be overcome by hatefulness, but overcome hatefulness with love."

"Overcome death with life."

"Overcome sadness with joy and celebration in the midst of the mundane."

The invisible, the Lover, the maker of beauty, the servant King is in our midst as a devoted Father. He is a bridegroom preparing a wedding feast. He is a wonderful counselor who has compassion on us when we feel lost. He is a shepherd who lays down His life for his sheep and leads them beside still waters.

As long as I keep my soul alive by dwelling in His presence, remembering the roles he plays in my own life, as long as I cultivate and practice a heart of love and give it and live in it, I can overcome the darkness--all darknesses of my soul here on earth.

But love and beauty and faith must be cultivated daily, in His presence, looking for His reality, so that my heart will be filled with the reality of Him and His overcoming goodness and redeeming light. I must cultivate this inner life if I am to find rest and peace in my daily life. 

The False Myth of a Perfect Life, a Perfect Woman

This message sits next to my quiet time chair and I ponder it many mornings—Great is HIs faithfulness.

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Do you ever feel like just when you are going to have a good day, someone spills something, argues, gets a fever when you were looking forward to going outside? Part of the challenge of life is learning to celebrate the joyful times and learning to live in grace through the times when life is just hard to tame.

Today, I had the funniest story from a mama who was waxing eloquent on a sweet comment to me. After she was through, she found her little 2 year old who had messed in his sisters’ pillow and hidden it in a dresser drawer! Never a dull moment. I hope you will love the podcast today.

Here is something joy shared with me from Julian of Norwich, a Middle Ages mystic devoted to the Lord. Be sure to read to the end.

Our Lord revealed to me a supreme spiritual delight in my soul. In this delight I was silled full of everlasting certainty, powerfully sustained, without any fear. This feeling was so welcome to me and so excellent that I was at peace, at east, and at rest, so that there was nothing on earth that could have distressed me.

This only last a while, and my mood turned right round and I was left to myself, feeling depressed, weary of myself and disgusted with my life, so that I could hardly have the patience to go on living. There was no ease or comfort, as I felt, except faith, hope, and charity, and these I had indeed, but could feel them very little

... This vision was shown to me to teach me— as I understand it— that it is necessary for everyone to feel in this way: sometimes to be comforted and sometimes to feel failure and be left to oneself. God wants us to know that he keeps us equally safe in joy and in sorrow, and loves as much in sorrow as in joy. And for the benefit of his soul, a man is sometimes left to himself, although sin is not always the cause; for this time I committed no sin.

Seems like in all areas of life, maturity, productivity, effectiveness is a process--often takes practice to begin getting it right--just like these pictures--finally we got an acceptable one.

No one is perfect--our lives take many days, months, years of practice and hard work to come out fruitful in time.

One of my friends said, "Sally, it seems with all of your candle lighting and tea cups and flowers and focus on joy, that your life was just easier than mine and that you had  more perfect  children.

We are surrounded by myths or women who seem to "have it more together" than we do. But the reality is, we are living in a fallen world and there will always be challenges, obstacles, temptations and weariness. But the glory of a woman is to learn how to overcome and civilize--and the key to lasting well is living in grace, rest, peace and love.

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Comfort Food and Movies Come to the Rescue

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How are you? Most of “my people” are getting restless and cranky and drained to their toes.

In no world is this normal life. The seclusion from church, friends, family and normal activity is truly unhealthy at the heart of it. We were made for relationship, work, fun, faith inspiration and ways to have a break once in a while—whatever that means to you.

Add to that, people are taking sides on every issue and getting a little angry. So, I thought I needed to add a little leaven to the scene and give you who are interested some fun, some feasting, and a tiny distraction to all that is going on in our little worlds.

So, I made one of my family’s favorite dishes: Egg noodles, with sautéed mushrooms, parmesan cheese and just a little bit of cream and oil make my Creamy Chicken a hit with everyone. Yummy! And a salad with walnuts, mixed greens, blue berries, tomatoes, carrots, onions, avocados—the kitchen sink salad!

But I also thought maybe you would enjoy knowing about some epic movies and episodes our family has watched during times of exhaustion or snow storms or illness. I decided that it is ok for me to take a few more breaks and distractions because I could see myself going into a little bit of a dark vortex. I miss my people a lot and they are the ones who communicate love and affection and belonging in a way that keeps me filled up. So not having any of them and all the other things has made me a little bit low. So, I follow a plan I made many years ago when I determined that I would chase joy, hold it fast, cultivate it. I write down a plan of things that please me—more on that tomorrow. But today, I share a fun podcast I recorded last weekend with a dear friend just for fun.

Not often we give ourselves permission to just take a day off! Comfort for me will be something of a rhythm. Homemade cream of broccoli cheese soup from yesterday. (I add a couple of potatoes so it feel creamy with out so many calories and fat.)

Old fashioned chocolate chip cookies with pecans that we have made for years is always an easy hit.. (The secret to good cookies is always whip the butter, vanilla, sugar and eggs by themselves for 5-10 minutes on high and then don't bake the cookies too long--they will cook a little more after they are out and on  a stone and they will dry out a little, so you don't want them tough.)

Of course pots of strong tea. And some great English drama series that we can be romantic with and enjoy the countryside and dream.

Our favorite that we have watched over the years are: (and we almost have them memorized:

Pride and Prejudice (the new and the old 8 hour one!)

Sense and Sensibility

Persuasion

Emma

Larkrise to Candleford--so wonderful and new, but they are canceling it after its 4th season!

David Copperfield

Wives and Daughters

Victoria and Albert and Young Victoria

Mrs. Brown

Daniel Deronda

and more.

I will send pictures of the soup another time, if I get around to it, but think maybe I will just go climb into the pallet where the girls have used to pile pillows, blanket, candle lit, vase of flowers, water, sparkling water with juice and plenty of kleenex. And I’ll pretend they are with me.

Good health to all of you today!

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Vision: Finding the Righteous Path & Podcast

“Where there is no vision, the people perish.”

Proverbs 29:18

But the path of the righteous is like the light of dawn, That shines brighter and brighter until the full day.”

Proverbs 4:18

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Pathways have always intrigued me. As Pollyanna in nature, I always become giddy inside when I see a pathway. What might be ahead? An adventure? A new friend? Something beautiful? I love the possibilities that life brings. (My husband is a little bit more of a realist. He likes to know where he is going, what is coming, if we have planed well for the journey, and are we prepared for what may lie ahead—rain, storms, etc.

Pathways insinuate that there are possibilities and places to go. Proverbs speaks of pathways and says that the path of one who is righteous, (growing in grace and truth and God’s character, one step at a time.), is like the light at the beginning of the day—shining brighter and brighter until the full day, (evidence of what the day will hold) and when all will be seen.

The path of life seems very confusing to most of right now—what is ahead? How will this turn out? What decisions should I make when I don’t know the outcome of almost anything.

Vision for the present is what will keep us going forward on the path God has carved out for us.

“The home is the fountain of civilization. The value and character and appetites of a people are greatly determined by the reading, training and cultivating of moral and spiritual appetites in the home. Mothers, you are the divinely-appointed teachers and guides of your children; and any attempt to free yourselves of this duty is in direct opposition to the will of God. If you neglect them, the consequences are swift and sure … Spend most of your time with your children. Sleep near them, attend and dress and wash them; let them eat with their mother and father; be their companion and friend in all things and at all times.”From Golden Thoughts on Mother, Home and Heaven

These words, written over a hundred years ago, are still very powerful today. Perhaps more powerful, in a culture where understanding of the importance of mothers to the overall well-being of soul of the next generation has been lost. How affirming it is to see that truth of past generations still applies to us today.

civ•i•lize 1. to create a high level of culture 2. to teach somebody to behave in a more socially, morally and culturally acceptable way 3. to enlighten, cultivate, improve, advance, subdue in terms of a people or nation.

Often, I find that in the absence of a clear enough vision for their children and homes, mothers replace conviction and vision with lots of activities and distractions for their children. This hyper-activity and rushing around to an endless list of lessons and experiences and the buying of the newest expensive curriculum and technological options make moms feel like they are accomplishing something. However, when the home-life of children is rich with excellent, classic literature, passionate Biblical devotions, rousing dinner-table discussions around sumptuous, tasty meals, lots of love and affection given and household chores attended to, then a child will become committed to all that is good and excellent and develop a moral and compassionate soul for all the divinely important values—even in the absence of all that flurry of activity.

A focus on home life is the key to civilizing our children, and thereby our nation. From the beginning of time, God created the home to be a place sufficient to nurture genius, excellence, graciousness and grand civility. But the key factor is nothing that can be purchased or owned. The accomplishment of this grand life is found only in the soul of a mother, through the power of the Holy Spirit, personally mentoring her children.

It is in a personal relationship with a real person whose soul is alive in which the deepest imprints of life are given. The secrets and deep emotions shared during the goodnight hours in which the soul of a child is tender and open; the comfort of warm, home-made food shared in the early evening as ideas are shared and discussed and prayers and devotions given; the laughter, stories, advice given in the midst of washing dishes together or sharing of a meal; the heroic and riveting stories read aloud and shared together that establish common patterns of morality, values and dreams in the comfort of the blazing hearth; mugs of steaming hot chocolate and squishing against each other on a den couch—these are the heavenly things which are food to the soul and nourishment to the mind and conscience of a child fully awake to all that is important in life.

There is no computer, television, software or text book that can pass on such passion, love and motivation.

Indeed, it is the personal touch of a mother’s heart that creates grand civility, deepaffection, care and commitment to the foundations of a family. When the invisible strings of a mother’s heart are tied to the heart of her children through loving sacrifice and nurture, the stability and foundations of a nation become secure and stable. A mother, living well in her God-ordained role, is of great beauty and inestimable value to the future history of any generation. Her impact is irreplaceable and necessary to the spiritual formation of children who will be the future adults of the next generation. Fun, comfort, humor, graciousness, spiritual passion, compassion for the lost, hospitality, chores, meals, training, life-giving words, hours and hours of listening and playing and praying and reading—all are parts of the mosaic which go into the process of soul development.

If you have the desire to go deeper today, set aside a few moments with a hot cup of tea and complete the reflection and application below:

• “Without a vision, the people perish.” -Proverbs 29:18 The New American Standard Bible translates this verse, “Without a vision, the people are unrestrained.” Do you have a vision for your family? Think about taking some time to write down your dreams and goals in order to have a true focus for all you do with them.

• “These words, which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up.” -Deuteronomy 6:6-7 Are the words of God on your heart? They must be there before they can be given to your children, so how will you make sure they are there?

• What are some ways you might share the beauty and love of God with your family, today?

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