Sally Clarkson's Blog, page 61

Love God Greatly: Angela Perritt Giveaway

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Giveaway and a Wonderful Podcast!

What an interesting, exhausting, but exciting launch week it’s been!

Launching a book is like having a baby — first, you are pregnant with ideas, and then it takes a very long while to grow, and then the pain of getting it out into the world!

A book has a life all its own and I hope and pray that this book will encourage many women all over the world. One of the realities of life is that the world is broken, people are desperately lost and floundering, and darkness is evident in so many ways and in so many areas of life all over the world.

Yet, if we know Christ, we live differently. Maturity for us, as with babies and toddlers, children, youths, is slow, over a long period of time. But God companions us and causes us to be fulfilled in the deep places where we learn the secrets of a kingdom life through journeying through many life storms.

We live in the reality that He never leaves us, that He is with us, even to the end of the world, that He is our light, our salvation, our shepherd, and He is good. And so, though storms are often relentless, God’s presence is constant. A part of our glory as believers is to be able to bring God’s light into every situation, every storm, every relationship.

Learning the reality of this truth took me many years. I began as a novice and ended as a seasoned “sailor” so to speak. My hope is that this book will companion you and comfort you as you face your own storms, but that you will also find hope, courage, grace to live a faithful story in the midst of these life storms every day.

I am beyond blessed to have generous friends who wanted to be a part of the launch of my book—friends are the best! My dear friend, Angela Perritt, is a beloved, trusted friend who shares her extremely difficult story on my podcast today, At Home With Sally. We have been the kind of friends that see each other seldom, but I know when I am with her, I will leave wanting to be my best self, wanting to serve Christ with a more loving heart, and being motivated to take His light into the world. Today, She, speaks of the ways she was able to walk through many challenging days and live in the peace of God’s reality.

Angela Perritt is the founder and director of Love God Greatly. Love God Greatly is a global ministry dedicated to fighting Biblical illiteracy around the world through their translated Bible studies as they build communities of women who are centered around God's Word. The Bible studies, website, and Facebook communities are available in over 35 languages and in 100+ countries. 100% of all ministry profits go directly toward the urgent need of providing Bible studies to women around the world in their native languages at no cost.

Because she and I both want to support women in their love for God’s word and their desire to spend time with Him, we want to give away one of her amazing leather Love God Greatly Bible to someone in my audience. It is beautiful faux leather Bible.

This Bible will help you know how to study the Bible, as it has so many resources.

Created by women, for women, the Love God Greatly Bible offers insights that will encourage and equip you to meet God on the pages of Scripture and engage deeper through Scripture memory, prayer, and daily reflection.

To enter, follow me and Angela (@sally.clarkson on IG—and @lovegodgreatlyofficial on IG), like my post about Angela’s giveaway, and tag a friend in this post using the hashtag #HelpImdrowning

Thanks to all of you amazing friends who have been cheering me on in birthing this baby.

NET, Love God Greatly Bible, Leathersoft, Brown, Comfort Print: Holy Bible By Thomas Nelson Help, I'm Drowning: Weathering the Storms of Life with Grace and Hope By Clarkson, Sally FOR MORE

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Share with others. My prayer is that this podcast brings encouragement to women and families, and I would be honored for you to tell others about it.

Join my friends and me in membership at Life with Sally, a place for me to share more teaching from the Bible and messages on education, motherhood, discipleship, and more!

Beauty: A Profound Anchor in the Storms of Life

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“One of the marks of a godly woman is that she takes responsibility for her soul's need for joy and delight. A woman is a conductor, who leads the orchestra of her surroundings in the songs and music of her life. God is a God of creativity and dimension, and so He is pleased when we we co-create beauty in our own realm, through the power of His Spirit.

It was a profound realization when I understood that I could become an artist with my very life.”

-Sally Clarkson

Storms have come out of the blue, invaded my life, caused destruction and devastation at times. Yet. one of the ways I learned to anchor myself was by establishing artifacts that lifted my spirits, rhythms that kept me sane, (tea times, walks, quiet times, breakfast out with friends, reading encouraging books, watching uplifting or fun movies, gathering with an inner circle girlfriend, going on an adventure, sleeping, taking baths, …..!)

You get the picture. I learned to take responsibility for my soul that it might continue to become more beautiful.

In light of that, today, one of my dear friends, Jacqui Wakelam, has chosen to give away one of her beautiful framed prints to encourage one of you. She is a gift of a friend and I know you will absolutely be blessed by her. I hope you will enjoy our podcast.

To enter, follow jacquiwakelam on instagram. Follow me on insta. Tag a friend in the post on insta or Facebook.

But even better, subscribe to her newsletter, Beagles for Beauty @: https://www.jacquiwakelam.com and you will receive into your inbox, inspiration, beauty, ideas, pondering thoughts and friendship in the best sort of way. And it’s free!

Help, I'm Drowning: Weathering the Storms of Life with Grace and Hope By Clarkson, Sally FOR MORE

Subscribe to this podcast on iTunes, Stitcher, or your favorite podcast app.

Leave an iTunes Review These are so important as they help our podcast reach more women with messages of encouragement.

Follow on Facebook and Instagram for the latest news and updates.

Share with others. My prayer is that this podcast brings encouragement to women and families, and I would be honored for you to tell others about it.

Join my friends and me in membership at Life with Sally, a place for me to share more teaching from the Bible and messages on education, motherhood, discipleship, and more!

Launch Day: Help, I'm Drowning

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It’s out!

I’m so happy that this day has finally come — where I can move these words from my heart and into your hands. This book was born out of the thousands and thousands of women around the world who’ve expressed to me in messages, comments, and conversations their own stories of dealing with life storms, and the feelings of loneliness, helplessness, and desperation that we are all too familiar with in our journeys as women, wives, and mothers.

In addition to your own stories that inspired this book, the thoughts, reflections, and wisdom in Help I’m Drowning came out of my personal journey as a young, idealistic woman and mother — I so often found myself in the same places as you are today.

I’ve encountered the deep pain of heartache as I lost friends and family to disease and illness; I’ve lost countless nights of sleep with endless amount of work to be done; I’ve walked with my children through their own seasons of loss, hurt, and confusion; I’ve felt tossed about by waves of worry and anxiety due to financial instability; I’ve been challenged with the heavy downpours of over-exhaustion, isolation, and fear; I’ve wondered where God was in all of this — and then, just as I’d managed to weather through one storm, I’d see another looming just up ahead.

What I’ve learned in my nearly seven decades is that even in the times when I’ve felt most alone, overwhelmed, and uncertain, God was there with me. He is always there with us in the midst of our storms, even though at times it feels like He’s sleeping quietly in the back of the boat, or waiting for us on the other side of the storm. He is there, and He is faithful — He wants us to weather our life storms with hope and grace, and He is ready and willing to walk with us through the worst of our storms, offering us wisdom, grace, love, and hope.

I pray this book will be a salve to your soul, and a lighthouse in your storm. I pray it will inspire you, but also help you know that you are not alone, that you are seen and understood in your storms. You can order it today at the link below.

Help, I'm Drowning: Weathering the Storms of Life with Grace and Hope By Clarkson, Sally Buy on Amazon FOR MORE

Subscribe to this podcast on iTunes, Stitcher, or your favorite podcast app.

Leave an iTunes Review These are so important as they help our podcast reach more women with messages of encouragement.

Follow on Facebook and Instagram for the latest news and updates.

Share with others. My prayer is that this podcast brings encouragement to women and families, and I would be honored for you to tell others about it.

Join my friends and me in membership at Life with Sally, a place for me to share more teaching from the Bible and messages on education, motherhood, discipleship, and more!

Perspective: Learning How to Anchor Well through Years of Storms

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Though the rain comes in torrents and the floodwaters rise and the winds beat against that house, it won’t collapse because it is built on bedrock. Matthew 7:25

Jesus warned us that storms would come. He even allowed His disciples to experience “a furious squal” (Mark 4:35-41) to come upon them so that they thought they would drown. He warned of life storms so that we would not be surprised. But He also promised that if we built on the solid rock of His word and trusted in the unshakeable nature of His goodness, that we would not fall.

Because He cares so much for us, He wanted us to know what to expect ahead of time so that we would not be discouraged. As a young believer, inexperienced, it took me a long time to learn the ways of weathering by anchoring myself on His Word, His goodness, His love.

Perspective is a wisdom that comes through experience. We see things differently because of the long view of life and what transpires over decades. Today, I was so blessed to have the opportunity to talk to Kate Battistelli, as a seasoned woman, who adds so much grace to her words and gives so much wisdom and hope.

Tomorrow is the day of the official launch of this book. We will have lots of fun and giveaways this week. I hope that many of you will find hope, comfort and companionship and ultimately a deeper love for Christ at you read Help, I’m Drowning. He is my rock, my pearl of great price, my shepherd, my friend, my king.

Join me today as 1:00 Mountain time for a fun Instagram live with my friend, Leahvboden.

Happy Monday, Friends.

Help, I'm Drowning: Weathering the Storms of Life with Grace and Hope By Clarkson, Sally

Thinking of You, My Friend

Oh sweet, precious ones, I have read all week about your own heart-stopping waves of hurt and heartbreak through the storms of life. When I sat down to write this book in the midst of a global pandemic and multiple other nation and personal crises, I thought of you, sweet friends.

I thought of the woman wondering if she will be able to make it through another day, but longed for the compassion and companionship of her Creator.

I thought of the woman whose stormy seasons had left her wondering if God truly loved and cared for her.

I thought of the tired and exhausted mama who has her arms full of babies and a sink full of dishes wondering why life can be so hard, so often.

I thought of you.

I wish I could invite you onto my breezy front porch and we could lament and laugh together while munching on something decadent and sipping something delicious.

But this book is the next best thing. If you are wondering “What would Sally say to me right now?” Help I'm Drowning is it and I pray it can be a light in your storm.

Today, I'd like to give away 20 copies of Help I'm Drowning to church leaders, church libraries, mom heart group leaders, and missionaries. To enter the giveaway, make sure you're following me on IG or Facebook, and leave a comment on either my IG or Facebook post telling me about your group, church, or ministry.

You can also preorder your copy of Help I’m Drowning today

Help, I'm Drowning: Weathering the Storms of Life with Grace and Hope By Clarkson, Sally Buy on Amazon

Loving Well, Especially When it is Difficult & Giveaway

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Giveaway: 3 Sets of 8 Books for small groups—either a group you want to start or a home group, Homeschool group, Bible study, or any group of women who would benefit from this book, Help, I’m Drowning

Measure your life by how well you have loved. Choose love. 

Sally Clarkson, Own Your Life Book

When we love people well, especially the difficult ones, we extend the love and acceptance of Christ. Yet, no matter how we try, none of us will ever have a perfect family. Most families are fraught with personality issues, immaturity, selfishness and baggage of unhealthy relationships from a past broken family heritage. 

No church, ministry, neighborhood holds perfect, always happy relationships, either. Because we are a part of these groups, we make them unstable because none of us is perfect. 

And often, we are most disappointed when we have conflict, fall-outs, and broken relationships with other believers. 

You will never be perfect in loving others

Another aspect of growing in love is giving ourselves time and grace to grow. Most of us never knew how selfish we were until we got married and had children. All of us fall short, but all of us can mature. Learn every day to live more and more into the foundational love and unconditional grace of God and you will become a generous lover like Jesus is.

It is best if we also know we will never be perfect in loving or in relationships. We will blow it and our children will blow it—teach them how to ask for forgiveness and make peace by doing it in front of them. It will keep us humble, generous and make us more likely to forgive.

Loving is the food that fuels each of our lives with health, hope, and a sense of well-being.

That is why is it most important that we learn to practice loving well, forgiving more each year and guarding our mouths so as not to create unnecessary conflict. 

Learning lots about the importance of loving well came through being a mama to children who were starving for it from the beginning.

2. Accept people in their context.

"Mama, you love me the most, right?" ....Our joke through all the years but repeated over and over again.

"I love you the "Joyest" and you the "Nathanest" and you the "Sarahest" and you the "Joelest," my sweets.

Seems that even now, I am often texting, emailing, fb'ing my kids how much I love them, how special they are to me, how much they are beloved by God.

But my children, and Clay and I are all different—we don’t think alike, we value different things, and we see things differently in many areas—don’t require those you love to be just like you or to act like you. Accept them as they are. People can mature but don’t usually essentially change.

3. People go through stages and some of those stages are hard. But if we separate ourselves from the issues and decide to be constant—it will give grace for others to grow.

Observe, don’t absorb—in other words—listen, try to understand, see context—but don’t take their grief, criticism, poison into your own life. Don’t allow someone else’s irrationality poison your heart.

All of my children have gone through bouts of doubt when confronted by a constant barrage of challenges. They have had attractive times and times they tested me all the time. (Same with Clay) All four have written notes to me to say our constant love is what pulled them through. "You always believed in us, you were always at our back. You never gave up!"

A heritage of being loved and cherished is profoundly important in the life of any human being.

Surrounded by people who care for their needs, commit to cherishing them from birth to death, wrapping them in the bonds of unconditional love is a legacy that will give them strength, hope and vision through the rest of their lives.

5. Some personalities or people with issues (mental illness, spectrum, personality quirks, out of the box people will always be hard. Don’t wait to love them until they have conformed to your expectations, but love them as they are even if they never change.

In my experience, some of my hard to love people have matured little by little, but they are essentially the same person they always were and their quirks and disabilities still cause us tension. Accept these things and learn how to cope in a way that allows you some time to be healthy. (Find ways to take breaks from the abrasive ones—lessons, play dates with others who love and understand your child, a morning out, whatever you need—you need to plan and make happen.

My overall commitment every day, to every person is that when they come into contact with me, they will experience love. Sometimes I blow it, but by making it something I wanted to grow in, it has become my “go to” grid for my relationships with others.

It is something that cannot be bought or quantified or boxed. Love is a real, day in day out, giving of ourselves for the benefit of others God has placed in our lives--a giving of ourselves for the blessing of others. When we love and touch affectionately, it pre-disposes our children to remember the caresses and affection of love hidden in the pathways of their brains and will cause them to be more prone to believe in the love of God when they are teens and we tell them, again, that God loves them.

When children are deprived of love as an infant, consequences to their health, emotional stability, understanding and perception of God, ability to hold relationships and even intelligence is effected the rest of their lives. Of course, Christ is able to redeem and restore all things. I know in my own life that restoration and healing are possible. But in this fallen world, the process of healing may take awhile.

God created all of us with a deep need to be loved, and a capacity to love generously.

Being loved perfectly was God's original design, it was born in His heart when he created us to know Him intimately.  

If I could point to one thing that truly had an impact in my children, it was giving them a foundation of unconditional love. Generous, overwhelming, words of affirmation, an expectation of forgiveness, acts of service, and many more gestures of love is what opened our children's hearts to listen to our messages about God. 

Loving them as they are, appreciating the personality that God has given them, restoring them to generous love when they have failed, pouring out love even when they were at arm's length, focussing on love as the lens through which I looked at life as a mother, giving out words of love on a daily basis--sometimes many times a day, became the fuel for building a fire in their hearts to want to love God.

When love is modeled as a way of life, then a child has the brain patterns, the very familiarity of how love feels from a parent, and will then be more able to experience the love of God when introduced to it as a concept.

We read:

God is love.

Greater love has no one than this than a man lay down his life for his friend.

The two greatest commandments are to love God and to love others.

Love one another and so fulfill the law of Christ.

They will know you are my disciples by your love for one another.

So many times, parents are afraid that if they show their love for their children too much, they will spoil them. (I am not talking about enabling them by giving in to every whim, but real, unconditional, servant, mature love.)

Has anyone ever loved you too much? Or do you wish for more love?

Though I was loved in many ways, I grew up with some performance based issues in my family, I often felt inadequate and as though I could never do quite enough to please others--my parents, the world--God Himself. I felt defeated in my inner heart, though I kept striving to perform for many years.

However, it was at a college conference in Mexico my junior year, that a wonderful teacher personally explained to me, while focussing on my heart's cries for over an hour, that God truly loved me and that nothing would ever separate me from his love.

This knowledge changed my life forever.

Then I read and pondered and studied the life of Christ with His disciples. It was His love poured out, serving them and their families, living with them, giving them words of life; cooking for them, washing their feet, encouraging them, that so changed their lives that they were willing to give their lives for His cause.

We as adults must understand that unconditional love, as shown by Christ, is the foundation to good relationships.                                              

But the place that our children learn this kind of mature love is by watching us practice loving them in our home.

Many of you, never really understood or experienced love in this way while growing up and perhaps you carry unhealthy habits of relating to people in ways you learned in your home growing up.  What I have found is that by receiving God's love by faith and then practicing it in my home with my family has stretched my ability to love, and it has changed my life. Reading books about relationship has given me tools to recognize what is healthy behavior and what is not (Boundaries and Safe People are two books by Cloud and Townsend that have  helped me to recognize un-health in myself and in others.)  Recognizing habits that do not build my relationships and learning to grow little by little has helped me move in the direction of strong friendships and stable family relationships. This has also helped me to understand and recognize unhealthy people that come into my life and to understand more about how to establish boundaries in ways that protect me from manipulative or broken people. This has become especially important to me in ministry, where I am interacting and committing to people all the time. But the love of God has slowly transformed my life over many years. In making loving well my goal, I have learned to love many people better and more effectively. It is a process of growth.

In our own family devotional, The 24 Family Ways, we made love prominent in our training.

Way # 5 WE LOVE ONE ANOTHER, TREATING EACH OTHER WITH KINDNESS, GENTLENESS AND RESPECT.

MEMORY VERSE:

"Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has seen God at any time; if we love one another, God abides in us, and His love is perfected in us." I John 4:11-12

If we understand the importance of building this foundation of loving our precious children and teaching them to love others, we will give them the power they need to build strong relationships, stay strong in marriage, learn to work in ministry and a profession well--in short, we will give them the ability to have a fuller, more fulfilling life.

Loving my adult children is still just as important as when they were young.

The world can be hostile to adults who seek to live morally excellent lives, and who attempt to live lives for the glory of God. And so even now, loving, listening, encouraging, supporting and giving my adult children a home where they will be circled in love and commitment of friendship is one of the pulls in their lives to uphold their ideals in a very challenging time.

Love covers a multitude of sin.

Love is a perfect bond of unity.

So today, commit in your journal what it means to love to each of the precious ones entrusted into your hands and then begin by practicing love today.

How do you show your children acts of love that penetrates their hearts? 

One of the best ways I know to cultivate groups where you might find love and refreshment for yourself is in small groups. Almost every friend I have kept and grown close to over the years was someone who I met in ministry, a small group, a Bible study, a conference. We were drawn together by being in community side by side. Some of us are very different from one another, but over years this is the place I have found the most kindred spirits.

Today, we are giving away 3 sets of 8 books for anyone who is willing to start a small group study, or to the group you already have (mom’s group, Bible study group, home school support group, neighborhood group). We want to encourage friendship and community and hope this will be a fun gift for some of you to start a group or to enjoy in the groups you already have. (We wrote a book called Taking Motherhood to Hearts to help women know how to start a group and we have several thousand women in Mom Heart Groups all over the world.)

To enter the giveaway—Leave a comment on insta or Facebook and follow me. Tag someone you also hope might win.

Drowning in Waves of Loneliness & Giveaway

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"Mama, do you know how much we love you? Sometimes I think you carry loneliness like an illness." Said a an anonymous Clarkson child."

Giveaway: 20 copies of Help I’m Drowning!

Loneliness has been a constant companion for me for many years. It causes me to ache inside, sometimes, bringing tears to my eyes and reveals a deep longing for community, a desire to be seen, known, and still loved.
Maybe I am flawed, maybe it is from somewhere in my past, or personality, or 19 moves! But no matter, it has been a familiar companion of mine many times over the years.

Some of this well of experiencing isolation blows through my life like a storm.

Lonely and isolated seasons have swept through my life countless times, like sudden, violent downpours with seemingly no end or hope for clear skies on the horizon. Isolation is epidemic at this time for people all over the world. In a recent survey, 51% of mothers said they felt deeply alone. Covid has created a perfect storm of loneliness through a year and a half of isolation and quarantines. 

There were times of work and ministry that forced Clay to work long hours away from home, and I stayed behind with our four children, without many family, friends or support systems nearby to help me bear some of the weight. Joy had asthma each night, I had 4 growing, rambunctious children day after day... alone. 

The truth is that, even with our understanding that God walks through every moment with us, that we’re never truly alone because of his unending faithfulness in our lives, we still so often feel utterly alone, unseen, and hidden beneath the dangerous waves of loneliness.

Knowing that so many of you live daily more or less on your own, providing, giving, training, keeping others alive and flourishing, makes my heart go out to you — the pain of being responsible, alone is a difficult burden to bear over days and years.

Today, I’d like to give away 20 copies of #HelpImDrowning to single women, single mothers, or military wives, or to anyone who has been struggling with isolation and loneliness.

I pray Help, I'm Drowning will help you feel seen, understood, appreciated, and give you hope that you are seen and loved, right where you are.

The truth is, your life is exceedingly important, you do matter, you are deeply loved. I pray many of you will find companionship in the year ahead. 

I wish I could give away 1000 copies, but if you do not win, You can preorder your copy of Help I’m Drowning today.

Help, I'm Drowning: Weathering the Storms of Life with Grace and Hope By Clarkson, Sally

Keeping My Head Above Water & Giveaway

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"And whoever in the name of a disciple gives to one of these little ones even a cup of cold water to drink, truly I say to you, he shall not lose his reward."

Matthew 10: 42

Give Away: 20 Copies of Help, I’m Drowning today.

When I review the decades of my life, I am actually so surprised it was filled with so much tragedy, difficulty and experiences that broke my heart. It is why I wanted to write a book for you, my friends, who have born such sadness and challenge this past couple of years.

Yet, I do find solace when I remember that Jesus, my precious Lord, understands suffering, darkness of soul, and exhaustion. He was a man of sorrow, acquainted with grief and is familiar with every kind of heart break and disappointment. I am so very sorry that so many of you have born these kinds of disappointments and discouragements these past couple of years.

Today’s giveaway is especially for women who have served as first responders and medical front line workers, anyone who has experienced a flood, loss of house, illness, death in the family, fire, flood, or exceptional circumstances. May you know you are not alone, but seen right where you are. We are praying for each of you.

I will be giving away 20 copies of my book. If you would like to receive one, leave your comment or tag a friend that you would like to have win a book. For an extra entry, share this giveaway in your stories. Winners will be announced after 9 PM Eastern Time.

Books Referenced in this Podcast: Help, I'm Drowning: Weathering the Storms of Life with Grace and Hope By Clarkson, Sally  FOR MORE

Subscribe to this podcast on iTunes, Stitcher, or your favorite podcast app.

Leave an iTunes Review These are so important as they help our podcast reach more women with messages of encouragement.

Follow on Facebook and Instagram for the latest news and updates.

Share with others. My prayer is that this podcast brings encouragement to women and families, and I would be honored for you to tell others about it.

Join my friends and me in membership at Life with Sally, a place for me to share more teaching from the Bible and messages on education, motherhood, discipleship, and more!

Motherhood: Heroic Endings Amidst Difficulty

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We all understand that motherhood will change our lives forever -- we can see that our time won't just be ours anymore, that we'll be responsible for another little being, that being a mama is a lifelong commitment.

But even knowing this as a young woman, I didn't fully comprehend how difficult motherhood would be, how raging life-storms would catch me off-guard over and over again, how I'd so often wonder how I'd even make it to the end of the week. Have you felt like this, too?

If only I could count the number of times I thought to myself, "I don't know if I can make it through another day. I'm exhausted, overworked, lonely. I feel like I'm drowning."

Eventually, with years of practice and determination, I learned the value of pushing through, taking just one more step when I thought it impossible. I am even shocked now to see that God was producing fruitfulness in my life beyond my

imagination by helping me to keep going on His path. Endurance and perseverance by faith can lead to a treasure of blessings when the path is directed and companioned by God.

The best part of learning to endure through difficult times is the legacy I now see in the lives of my four children. They watched our responses of keeping growing, keeping faithful, growing stronger, and becoming wiser over many years.

We didn't know this at the time, but our imperfect yet consistent attempts at faithfulness gifted them with the wisdom and courage to keep pushing through their own storms.

It may not feel like it today, or even tomorrow, or next week, but every small decision you make in the direction of faithfulness matters, mama. It matters more than you know.

Today, I will be giving away 20 copies of my new book Help I’m Drowning for new mamas or mamas who are weary and discouraged — to enter, leave a comment tagging a friend who you’d like to receive the book, and make sure you’re following me on Facebook or Instagram.

Books Referenced in this Podcast:  FOR MORE

Subscribe to this podcast on iTunes, Stitcher, or your favorite podcast app.

Leave an iTunes Review These are so important as they help our podcast reach more women with messages of encouragement.

Follow on Facebook and Instagram for the latest news and updates.

Share with others. My prayer is that this podcast brings encouragement to women and families, and I would be honored for you to tell others about it.

Join my friends and me in membership at Life with Sally, a place for me to share more teaching from the Bible and messages on education, motherhood, discipleship, and more!

Are You Your Children's Adversary or Advocate?

“Mama, will you love me forever and ever, no matter what?” was the sincere question of one of my children when they had a very challenging, not the best day. Don’t we all want to know we are loved, as we are no matter what?

Child discipline--what to do, how much, when, how old, etc. —is the topic about which I receive the most emails and messages. The emotional storms, struggle of wills, personality blow ups created many a mysterious and difficult season of storms as I passed through the many seasons of turbulence with my children.

Formulas are so easy, yet God did not give any formulas for child raising—or anything else, for that matter! He wants us to walk by faith.

How our children experience our parenting will very much influence their understanding of what God is like.

How does your child perceive you? As an adversary, ready to catch them doing wrong at any moment, keeping a list of all their sins, reminding them of their wrongs? Shaming them in front of others? Or as an advocate, the one on their team who always believes in them, covering their weaknesses, and drawing out their best?

I recall a season when a couple of new laws were enacted on our local highways. Numerous police cars were added to a stretch of road nearby, and at certain times of the year, we see multiple cars stopped in a two mile stretch. Every time I entered the freeway and see a police car, my heart beat more quickly and I panic a little even though I’m not doing anything wrong! There are times I feel like I must have done something worthy of being stopped. The voices in our heads!!!!!!!!!!

We all can relate to having occasional feelings of unreasonable fear. The sense of being afraid of those in authority is familiar to all of us. Of course, if we speed or drive wildly out of control or run a red light, we should feel guilty because we are worthy of being caught and fined. We may be frustrated, but are also grateful there are policeman to keep us protected and safe.

But when laws are too many and there are “police eyes” everywhere looking for a person to make a mistake, we all feel relieved to get out of the sight-range of potential judgment! This is how young children feel--afraid of their authorities-- if they are nervous in their hearts just wondering what they will do wrong or how they will disappoint or how they will be punished.

Children should know they can trust their parents to help them, instruct them, take care of them, and protect them without the baggage of feeling that impending doom and dissatisfaction is hovering over them whenever their parents are near.

What I have observed is that when children learn to obey mostly when their parents are nearbyy but without their hearts having been reached, then when their parents are out of sight, they feel free to do anything they wish. Their obedience is about external behavior, not internal motivations—just like all drivers will slow down if they see a police car, but may be more likely to speed when they think no one is looking.

And so we must ask ourselves the question, "Does my child see me as an adversary, waiting for him to fail? To do something wrong? To sin?

"My dear children, I write this to you so that you will not sin. But if anybody does sin, we have an advocate with the Father—Jesus Christ, the Righteous One.  He is the atoning sacrifice for our sins, and not only for ours but also for the sins of the whole world."~ 1 John 2:1

An advocate is someone who is for you, who defends you, who works for you.

Does my child see me as an advocate, one who comes along beside him, to love and correct gently, to keep him on the path of righteousness, to motivate him in his heart to holiness, to encourage when he is discouraged, to paint a vision for his life and to give him a heart to want to be righteous?

My goal is not to have "good" children, but passionate children, given to His kingdom and His cause--even as the disciples gave their lives for Jesus' kingdom and cause.

Love, affection, a gentle word calms the hormonal storms in our children’s lives and the toddler clouds of our little ones. And so, I must model Jesus' kind of love. Giving of my life, instructing, correcting, certainly. But also modeling, laughing, living, sharing meals. Words of life--"Peter, you are the rock!" "Thomas, you are a man in whom there is no guile." "Mary, your story will be told all over the world." Sarah, you are my treasure, Joel, you are a gift to me.” “Nathan, you are a kindred spirit.” “Joy, you are my twin and I appreciate the person you are.”

As we ponder our role, we must decide what we will model to reach the hearts of our children. The specifics will come, but our hearts need to be right as the source of our action. Even as it cost Jesus His time, effort, love, patience, and life, so if we truly want to see our children become not just Christians who will make it into heaven, but mature believers who will have an impact on their world, then we must serve as Jesus served and become an advocate for them.

Read more about settling the storms of motherhood in Help, I’m Drowning. Get your copy today.

Help, I'm Drowning: Weathering the Storms of Life with Grace and Hope By Clarkson, Sally Buy on Amazon