Sally Clarkson's Blog, page 50

Together Is a Beautiful Place

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Since I was a little girl, I have loved gathering friends. I am now watching my granddaughter, Lilian, fitting my own pattern. Sarah and family live fairly remotely from friends and family, and Lilian is so eager to make a friend and play with others, that she seeks out almost every child she sees in the park or playground. It’s a little me! For me, a chocolate-covered strawberry just doesn’t taste as good alone—it must be oohed and ahhed over together with a friend. Together! Do your children, do you, long for “kindred” friendships in their lives?

Research of every kind shows that when humans have community, a place of belonging, friends, close family ties, they are healthier, happier and more successful at jobs or school. God made us for relationships. And yet, I get countless, hundreds of letters from sweet ones who long for a kindred spirit, a real “Diana and Anne” friendship. Cultivating a heart for friendship lays a foundation that will serve your children, (and you!) the rest of your life. It is not frivolous, it is essential for our health.

One of the deepest, heart-satisfying blessings of my life at this stage is the very close, intimate, inspiring, fun friendships I have with my now adult children. But, of course, as with everything else, it took years of heart-work. After all, we invested years and years in one another’s lives. We were together 24/7 for so many years. .

My friend, Bailey Hurley, joined me today to discuss principles of belonging with me on my podcast, and to share about her new book, Together is a Beautiful Place (listed below). I hope this podcast and post will be of help to you this summer as you invest in friendships with your own children and friends.

Below are some foundations I have discovered open the doorl-and be sure to grab a copy of the books we talk about: Girl’s Club and Together Is a Beautiful Place.

1.   Time and Availability Whatever the age, women or children develop better when they know we will make our time together a priority. People grow close not through monitoring one another’s behavior but by working together, playing together, talking together, celebrating together, weeping together. Relationships develop when people are there for each other—and that’s as true for parents and children as it is for anyone else.

2. Acceptance and Unconditional Love In building meaningful relationships with, I must learn to accept unconditionally the person God made each of them to be—even with personality traits that differ from mine or that make me uncomfortable. I need to accept the “warts” and irritating characteristics that may never change. I have to love my children with a mature commitment that reaches past my feelings for them, which can change from circumstance to circumstance.

3. Affirmation and Encouragement I believe all of us, are acutely aware of our limitations and their failures. While we all might need correction for our mistakes and or even confrontation for their sinful selfishness, they also need recognition for our real efforts and accomplishments and positive reminders of who they can be with God’s help. And sometimes we need to remember, "It is to a man's honor to overlook a sin."

4. Grace All of us need the grace to grow. If we expect perfection, then eventually others will draw away from us, give up trying to please us, because they know they will always fail, or they may spend their whole lives feeling guilty for their failures. And sometimes when life has too many rules, as teens, our children will quit telling us the truth of what they are doing for fear we won't understand or will condemn them. (We cannot live by fear.)

5. Relationship Training We need to consciously train ourselves and our children in the skills and attitudes that will enable them to sustain positive relationships. A person can only experience true intimacy when his heart has been deepened and exercised in real love and commitment. Practice in manners and speech and gracious behavior comes over a lifetime of cultivating this day in and day out). This particular set of principles is taken from  Mission of Motherhood by me!)

Together Is a Beautiful Place: Finding, Keeping, and Loving Our Friends By Hurley, Bailey T. Buy on Amazon

Buy these great books for encouragement!

Girls' Club: Cultivating Lasting Friendship in a Lonely World By Clarkson, Sally, Clarkson, Joy, Clarkson, Sarah Buy on Amazon FOR MORE

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Family Culture Lives On!

Recently I had the gift of a visit from our dear ones, Nathan and Keelia, whom we’ve missed so much during our time in Oxford.( If only international travel were free—I keep trying to find someone to make that happen!) As we gathered around tables at our home here and in local restaurants, walked historical streets, visited a few tourist spots, and admired flowers in the parks all along the way, I often found myself remembering conversations over tables many years ago.

… the necessity of a strong family culture doesn’t stop once the kids foray out into the world. If anything, it becomes more important. I certainly see this in my own children. Finding friends with similar values, strong faith, and compatible souls has been challenging for all of them, and all of them at times have wrestled with deep loneliness. Yet now we see them practicing their own relational rhythms—many of them the same as what we practiced at home—in other parts of the world with their roommates, spouse, and friends.

On top of that, they still have us—and they have each other! Because their relationships were shaped over thousands of meals together, over the same books and music and films, through hours of intense discussion and enthusiastic play, they have a lot in common and a deep love for one another. So they return home, to deep roots, whenever they can just to experience that kind of fellowship once again. The table that shaped their lives is now the table that renews and refreshes them when they are able to come home.

Creating family culture is so important in our increasingly busy and overcommitted society. A sense of isolation and a strong desire for community are both common threads on the Internet, yet personal relationships seem elusive for so many. People search for meaning and validation through frenzied lifestyles but still feel lost in a sea of relative meaninglessness. An intentionally developed family culture can provide a powerful alternative.

The Lifegiving Table: Nurturing Faith through Feasting, One Meal at a Time By Clarkson, Sally

Tea Time Tuesday: Walking Through Grace in Marriage

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"Stand at the brink of the abyss of despair, and when you see that you cannot bear it anymore, draw back a little, and have a cup of tea."

~Elder Sophrony of Essex

“The brink of the abyss of despair,” sounds pretty ominous. Yet, I have a feeling that most of us have been there any time. This quotation speaks to the essence of tea—to pull back, to take a few breaths, to center oneself, no matter what the circumstance—and then we are more able to tackle the demands of life again.

Clay and I are holding our current favorite cups. His is a tartan print from Scotland (a china mug—holds tea hotter longer!). Mine is a Scottish thistle, the national flower of the Scotland. A friend gifted me it many years ago, and I love it because of the meaningfulness of Scotland to my heart through the years. St. Andrews, Scotland, where Joy and Joel studied, is one of the few places that whenever I have to leave, I almost always tear up. So wild and beautiful and filled to the brim with story.

So many fun subjects came up this week for my Tea Time Tuesday podcast:

Pizza Bread—one of Clay’s easy made dinners

Beautiful Instrumental Music: Lifegiving Home playlist on Spotify, (Instrumental Home on iTunes)

Book: A Burning in My Bones: Eugene Peterson

And a first stab at the subject of marriage since so many of you wanted me to speak of that. Clay and I are not formulaic in almost any subject we approach. So, as you might expect, we approach the wisdom principles that apply to marriage, not just a few select verses.

Mostly, I hope that as you join me with a cup of tea or something wonderful, you will be refreshed in our time together. Have a wonderful week!

Books Referenced in this Podcast: More Resources: Life with Sally Membership Useum.org Art Print Resources FOR MORE

Subscribe to this podcast on iTunes, Stitcher, or your favorite podcast app.

Leave an iTunes Review These are so important as they help our podcast reach more women with messages of encouragement.

Follow on Facebook and Instagram for the latest news and updates.

Share with others. My prayer is that this podcast brings encouragement to women and families, and I would be honored for you to tell others about it.

Join my friends and me in membership at Life with Sally, a place for me to share more teaching from the Bible and messages on education, motherhood, discipleship, and more!

Encountering Jesus (with Matthew Clark)

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There are times for each of us when it appears that all light, all answers, all strength, all is quickly fading. Hope is eeking out of our lives and we can do nothing to stop the darkness from coming. And often, we feel lost in life—nowhere to go, helpless. It is a wilderness of soul when we feel that we are at an impasse and do not know what to do or where to go. We are tempted to think that we cannot go one step more. We are tempted to think that the Lord has abandoned us.

Yet, Jesus said, “I will leave the 99, and go after the one who is lost.”

Often we hide our lostness from others. Perhaps it is from shame of something terrible we have done or a way we have failed. Maybe we have lost love in marriage, or have a prodigal, or feel helpless or hopeless to keep going in our ideals but we don’t want to admit the deep failures or sense of devastation we carry inside to others. Inside we are dying, outside we keep up the pretense.

Our sin, our selfishness will accompany us until we see Jesus face to face. Today, I have had my friend, Matthew Clark, with me on my podcast, talking about such things. This I know, the heart of Jesus leads Him to seek us out, to gently reach out his hand, to look into our eyes, to carry our burdens with us and to relieve our sense of lostness. We might feel lost, but Jesus is never lost. We read in Psalm 139 that even the dark is not dark to Him.

Peeking into the life of the Woman at the well in Samaria gives me a glimpse of how Jesus sends others away that He might gently and lovingly relieve us of our past sense of loss, failures and lostness. Join me today on At Home with Sally and rejoice in the sweet, personal grace of Christ.

Loving Home Best

What makes your home the best and what could you do to make it even better?

What repeated rituals, rhythms of life, words spoken have become the ways that shaped your family culture? What do your children think of when they talk about your home? Shaping home culture takes time and forethought, but also shapes the foundations of faith and strength of relationship by what is practiced every day.

Warm fires blazing, candles flickering, music wafting softly amidst people chattering gives a picture of a home filled with life, beauty and fullness of daily celebrations in these lovely chapters. The cold of fall and winter weather mean more hours in doors, a season designed by God. But to occupy little and big minds and bodies sometimes requires planning.

When the places inside a home are intentionally crafted, these seasons can become the places where stories are read to inspire the heart, ideas discussed over hours of munching breads with body-pleasing warm soups. Discipleship is vibrant with time to discuss stories of Biblical heroes and quiet times to reflect on what one will become in their own life. These "pulling in" seasons can build deep souls, vibrant imaginations, close friendships.

The Lifegiving Home: Creating a Place of Belonging and Becoming By Clarkson, Sally, Clarkson, Sarah

I Want To Have Tea With Mary

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Tea is a little bit of happiness in a world full of chaos. Anon

Happy Day to you, my friends. I certainly agree with the quote above. Miss Tea Cup and I were out shopping and we found these lovely floral mugs, (out of china), to add to her family of cups. Tea stays hotter in china than in ceramic, so we were thrilled to find these beauties. And a mug allows more tea! :)

A thousand thanks to so many of you who answered my questions yesterday. You have given me a lot to ponder. But even more, you have made me feel that the mutual encouragement of one another during this time in history is essential to the health and well being of our souls.

Today, in Tea Time Tuesday, I have so many fun things to share—a favorite book I just put on my coffee table once again, (I change out books so that there will always be something interesting to flip through in multiple places in my home.)

Gentleness has been at the heart of my study this week. I have been memorizing (refreshing) my thoughts about the beatitudes. “Blessed are the gentle, for they shall inherit the earth.” I have had many opportunities this week to slow down, to extend gentleness, and to understand how important this quality is to the heart of Christ. He said, “I am humble and meek. Learn from me.” And so, when we choose gentleness in our response to others, we are reflecting Jesus in our world to others.

Orzo Mediterranean Salad is at the front of one of my favorite recipes as I move toward summer—and oh so beautiful. And I had a funny to share from my life this week, as well as a wonderful story about sharing beauty amidst the challenge of war in the Ukraine.

Finally, though, someone asked me on a podcast, who of all the women in the world in history I would want to have a cup of tea with—you will have to listen to find out. She is my hero.

Who would you choose to have a cup of tea with? I would love to know!

Happy sipping and peace to your life today. Off for a second cup! It’s a two cup tea sort of afternoon!

Your Opinion, Please?

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A friend asked me if I would record a podcast with her and her crew while I was home in Colorado. The podcast interview was a different experience for me. Most people ask me questions about educating children, family, parenting, motherhood, the lifegiving home. But the interview was about things I haven’t talked about as thoroughly in years.

It was so fun to talk about stories I hadn’t thought about for many years. I wondered if there are areas that I should consider speaking or writing about as an encouragement that maybe I haven’t considered for many years.

At almost 69, I have lived through decades of experiences of every kind and have learned through these seasons. I’ve seen God’s faithfulness through them all. But, maybe I need to go back and remember some things that might be of encouragement to you.

I write, speak, podcast because as a young believer, I was challenged to live a story, to share my story of faith with others that they could have hope and know more about Christ. I started doing this about 50 years ago. What a blessed journey it has been. God’s ways lead you to flourishing ways.

Consequently, it would help me so much if you could tell me specifically how I can best encourage you? What areas do you most want me to write about, speak about, podcast about—be specific!

Which photos do you want to see—meals, Oxford, home, nature, my family, me in the midst of what I love in life? Do you want more stories, more online conferences? What is your favorite part of my membership Lifewithsally.com ? What books that I have written do you want to hear more about? (favorite book?) My podcast is@At Home With Sally) what do you want to hear about? Do you enjoy Tea Time Tuesday? Bible? What?

Leave a comment on my blog, (Sallyclarkson.com), or on social media. I’ll give away a 30 minute mentoring or friend session to one of you who leaves a comment.

For Home to be Lifegiving, Someone's Got to Give

“The glory of God is a human being fully alive; and to be alive consists in beholding God.”

Irenaeus

This afternoon, I have been looking through photos from the past couple of years. This is one of my favorites—Lilian wanted to dress alike and be friends. The matching scarves and hats sealed it. Children mimic and value what they see in front of them.

The glory of God through me as I am fully alive in His love, reflecting His grace in all the ways I live. I consider the wonder of my grandchildren, full of life and fun, running toward me when I come to visit. All of my grandchildren, must behold the glory of God in the ways that I love them, kissing their sweet heads, pretending with them, listening to their questions and engaging in real conversation—to live in the beauty of Christ in front of them—but it must be given intentionally. Clay wrote this in our book, The Lifegiving Parent.

Despite the seeming circularity of his statement, Irenaeus is saying simply that we will become the “fully alive” people God designed us to be only by engaging with the living God. To put it another way, real life is found only in the life of God. That is, essentially, what I believe Moses was saying to parents in the Shema—real life is found only in God, and the life of God in our hearts must be diligently passed on to our children’s hearts. Godly parenting is heart to heart, but it’s also more—it’s life to life. That’s the relational heart of lifegiving parenting.

But don’t miss a hidden-in-plain-sight truth: If lifegiving parenting is about giving our children real life in God so they can be fully alive in Him, then . . . someone’s got to give. That transfer of the life of God to our children does not happen just by good intent or by accident. It happens for one reason only—because we decide that we are the people who’ve got to give. Not another person, group, or church; not an organization, resource, or influence . . . just us. We are the lifegivers. We are the ones who will give the life of God to our children. When we can get our heads, hearts, and hands firmly around that reality, then we’ll be on the path to becoming the lifegiving parents God designed us to be.

The Lifegiving Parent: Giving Your Child a Life Worth Living for Christ By Clarkson, Sally, Clarkson, Clay

Tea Time Tuesday: Learning the Dance of Joy in the Arms of the Father

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“Where there’s tea, there is hope.” – Wing Pinero

How fun to be home in the US and spending the first evening in Colorado at the house of a very special friend, Brandee, and her daughter, Mandee, meeting her beautiful grandchild for the first time. Miss Teacup remarked, what a brilliant child. She already knows to enjoy her tea—look how she is holding in her little hands!

Tea time Tuesday podcast has me thinking about so many things to share—Stories from Oxford, a delicious recipe—(anyone a trifle fan like I am? What do you put in yours?) But really a big part was thoughts about women who learn the art of dancing in the midst of darkness and life storms as they are led in the Dance by their Heavenly Father. I wrote Dancing With My Father amidst some very heavy trials but the picture of dancing because of His joy through my days has captured my imagination for many years. I learned to love these quotes:
Dance like no one is watching, love like you have never been hurt, sing like no one is listening, Live like its heaven on earth. Susanna Clark and Richard Leigh

We have a choice to dance, to love, to sing, to live fully alive as long as He is alive in our imagination, in our thoughts, in our worship—to celebrate His daily presence.

And I loved this quote below, as well: I often say, “Jesus, let me hear your music.” And often I think of the angels who sang when the world was being formed.

"And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who couldn't hear the music." - Friedrich Nietzsche.

May God give you ears to hear and His grace to live fully during this time. I hope this podcast encourages you today.

And for those of you who follow me on Instagrma @sally.clarkson, make sure to enter my giveaway on yesterday’s post with Nathan — you will be entered to win a copy of Nathan’s book (out today!) The Way of Kings, and a children’s play sword (a replica of Frodo’s sword from The Lord of the Rings).

Tell me your favorite hero tale! Leave your comment below.

And be sure to have a cup of tea and enjoy the podcast with me!

Way of Kings By Clarkson Buy on Amazon



Walking in the King's Counsel: The Way of Wisdom

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How blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked, Nor stand in the path of sinners, Nor sit in the seat of scoffers!  But his delight is in the law of the Lord, And in His law he meditates day and night.

Psalm 1:1-2

With warm mugs of coffee in hand, ease of mood and cheer of heart, the kids were sitting around repeating all of the mantras they heard over and over again throughout their lives.

“Mama, the funny thing is, I hear your voice every day of my life, everywhere I go. And the funny thing is, it keeps directing me to make good decisions.”

We all walk by the voices in our head. Today, Nathan and I recorded a podcast about his new book, The Way of Kings, and what it looks like to walk in the wise counsel of the king of kings.

Sometimes we don’t think our children are listening to our repeated in instruction. Yet, I believe that “Train up a child in the way he should go,” is a part of shaping brain pathways of truth and morality in the minds and even the souls of our children as they shape their values.

One of the mantras they heard over and over again was, “Wrong is always wrong even if everyone is doing it. Right is always right even if no one is doing it.”

Nathan, and all my children, as they have gone into very compromising places of thought and behavior, (Hollywood, New York City, Boston, Oxford, Cambridge), have said that developing this wisdom as a part of making decisions has helped them not to compromise. Having foundations of truth give strength amidst the important temptations, decisions of adult life. Understanding that the world is a place of compromise, and that we were called to be holy, set apart–light in the darkness, salt in a tasteless world, prepared my children to go into very challenging arenas, armed with an understanding of what the battle would become, and how they would be tested.

Nathan’s new book will inspire you to lead your children in the ways of wisdom, truth and virtue. And to celebrate its release tomorrow, I’d like to giveaway a copy of his book and a sword!

You can enter on Instagram by following me (@sally.clarkson) and Nathan (@nathanjclarkson) and tagging a friend in the comments, or on Facebook by tagging a friend in the comments, and you will be entered to win a play foam-sword (a replica Frodo’s sword from The Lord of the Rings!) for the young warrior in your life as well as a copy of Nathan’s book, The Way of Kings.

The Way of Kings: Ancient Wisdom for the Modern Man By Clarkson, Nathan Buy on Amazon