Jan Marquart's Blog, page 4

Solitude

A dear friend sent me the book Stations of Solitude by Koller. If you have ever read a book that reads in wondrous detail the paradigm of your own mind and that speaks to the thoughts you think yourself, well, this one does it for me.

It has inspired me to begin taking notes for the book I've been wanting to write for more than twenty years. Koller's identification with herself is very much like mine is to myself and it is nothing short of spellbinding and inspiring to read a book that reflects back my own inner world of thinking, writing, and living in large chunks of solitude.

I tell you this because writers must read other writers; it can be validating and supportive, innovative and enlightening. I am not saying anything new or innovative when I say this. I have heard this spoken by many authors over the years and have found this to be quite truthful. But no book has had the full impact on me that Stations of Solitude has.

I am recommending this book to those who are introspective and enjoy the activity of thinking and writing. If you are always on the computer and cell phone, this might not apply to you. But you never know...

If you are a writer, seek out autobiographies and memoirs by like people and watch how they inspire the expression of your own pen. (And do use the pen instead of the computer for a chance to stay in a purer state of mind.)

Nothing can compare to the lessons of sitting with the self to hear what is going on inside your being. Try not to run away from the self or tune it out or let a state of emerging agitation ruin getting to know who you are, as tempting as it might become.

This fast-paced world might give us a shallow feeling that we are in the groove -- but don't you wonder why so many of us are on medications for mood disorders when, in fact, there is no mood disorder occurring but only the reality of human experience?

Keep the pen moving.
Until next time,
Jan

The Mindful Writer

Today we are mindful of one thing: the cryptic abbreviations on a small hand-held computer device.

I've watched drivers nearly miss hitting people on bikes, drive erratically, almost get hit by a car, drive through red lights, and for what? I can't help wondering when they last sat in silence listening to the activity within their own souls? We are run by our souls; it is that simple and that complex. So how can we connect to the voice within; the one that has the message of who we are and what our purpose is?

And are those answers in those hand-held devices? Can they speak to intelligence? Wisdom? Insight? A new philosophy on life?

Writing, full sentences to yourself in the quiet of a room is a powerful way to access the voice within. It is a sure way to find out who you are. Our souls are always speaking to us. What does yours say?

Until next time,
keep the pen moving,
Jan

ebooks

I do not see the fascination with ebooks. Computers don't offer me any comfort. But just in case you are nothing like me, the following books of mine are now ebooks:

The Mindful Writer, Still the Mind, Free the Pen

Kate's Way

Voices from the Land

Echoes from the Womb, a Book for Daughters

The Basket Weaver

Enjoy your summer reading.

Until the next time I pick up my pen,
Jan

Am I the Only One?

Am I the only one who has had a relationship that created confusion and angst?

I will answer my own question: I don't think so. When there is disharmony in a relationship everyone wants to claim how right they are. People say they want harmony while they stand in their corner of the boxing ring waiting to beat the other person, convince them to think the way you do, convince them to make peace, to behave as you want, and to accept the part where they are wrong. These tormenting relationships are rich with lessons just awaiting the healing process to deeper understanding of yourself and to learn how to forgive and let go.

FYI - forgiveness is not the same as giving approval for someone's actions. Forgiveness is not about the other person. Forgiveness is what you want to do with the pain inside your own heart. Allow them to stand in the boxing ring while you step out of it and walk on in spiritual development.

We cannot move on, in peace, without forgiveness. What does this mean? It means that even though we might think we are moving on because we have made a self-promise to not let the matter bother us, forgiveness doesn't fully work without a resulting inner peace. If you still hold a grudge or resentment, you have not moved on. Peace does not cover up the pain with the mind; peace comes through the heart. The mind's natural state is to grab hold of the situation and work it so that we can understand how to make ourselves right in the eyes of the other person. But that has nothing to do with forgiveness. It simply has to do with being good at manipulation.

When you examine the relationship in your mind and heart from all angles, it becomes easier to employ understanding, compassion, and empathy. Then what winds up evolving is an altered pain. Remember the other person has had a life of experiences that impacted them to behave and think the way they do. Unless they want to accommodate you; they won't.

Peace comes without effort, especially when you realize that the actions of the other person had nothing to do with you; their actions or reactions had to do with their choices and the continuity of their lives. Of course, we influence each other and in that light we make them react. But we don't change them through it.

Psychologists will tell you that you can't make people feel anything. That's psychobabble designed to empower you. Of course we make people feel certain emotions. If I told you that you just won $50,000 I can make you feel happiness. If I stalk you, I can make you feel nervous. If I take your purse and run while you are walking down the street I can make you fearful around blondes who walk past you. But then what? What you do with that because whatever it is, is up to you, completely. That is where we disempower the harm others cause us.

All relationships are partnerships. When you decide you don't want to be in a partnership that hurts you, then you can make a decision more objectively. When you find yourself feeling detached compassion, impersonal compassion for someone in that position, then you have set a seed for your own freedom and the readiness to forgive. Forgiveness is an intricate process. It doesn't just happen because you want to be free of the pain.

When you have opened room to forgive, through a deeper understanding, you know that you have overcome, triumphed, and are standing on fertile ground to forgive. At that point, you are free to have your energy and mental powers for other things. You can forgive, not condone, and let go and move on with your own life.

What did I do about my situation? I did what any writer does: I wrote and wrote and wrote. The result? The Basket Weaver now an ebook on Amazon, or it can be ordered at: www.createspace.com/3553668 in paperback. Writing heals. I haven't felt the pain of this relationship since the book was completed.

Find that voice within. Pour it out on the page and don't stop until you are done crying, fretting, understanding, employing compassion, and screaming. Let it all out.

Until next time,
Jan

Stories

What is it about stories that keeps us writing and reading them? Why is it we like some stories over others?

Relationships and philosophy are two of the topics I love reading about so it is not a surprise that Pablo Coelho and Elizabeth Berg are two of my favorite authors. The former writes wonderful philosophical stories and the latter writes powerful novels about relationships. I can read their books cover to cover and then read them again and again.

When I started writing my first novel, Kate's Way, about five years, it came out of inspiration from one of Elizabeth Berg's novels. The topic: relationships.

When I wrote my second novel, The Basket Weaver, the story developed a philosophical/spiritual theme having just finished one of Pablo Coehlo's novels. Initially I started writing to vent and heal from my painful experience with my sister, one I had had for 30 years. But within hours a manuscript developed. Initially I had no plan to write a book. I simply wanted to write through an exercise to create a mental resolution and find peace. With the help of friends and lots of editing I managed to develop a philosophical/spiritual treatise on that relationship and wound up giving myself an enormous healing in the process.

So what are your favorite authors? What topic do you like to read?

Both Kate's Way and The Basket Weaver can be purchased as an ebook on Amazon. (The Basket Weaver might take another few days for Amazon to publish it to my book page.)

If you have been wanting to write a story but feel confused about where to start, begin with your favorite topic.

Until next time,
Jan

FREE!

Don't you just love the word 'free'? I know I do. It can bring me to abrupt attention in a split second.

But something is actually free today and I have a small gift for you that could turn into a big gift for yourself.

Send me a comment on any one of my blog entries on this site and I will send you a free ebook titled How to Write Your Own Memoir.

This is a booklet comprised of 38 pages. After an introduction encouraging you to write your own memoir I give suggestions on each page for getting started.

Tell your life stories.

Until next time,
Jan
www.JanMarquart.com

What Do You Want?

I write on this site regularly hoping and intending that I am answering questions you have about writing, creativity, and healing. The truth is: I have no idea what you truly want.

So that I can keep my time and energy focused on what you need in order to write and write well, will you please send me your requests?

In addition, as a psychotherapist who implements writing as a healing tool, I would also like to know what questions you have about your own healing needs, be it depression, anxiety, cancer, or other afflictions that are in your life right now. Perhaps I can help you utilize writing with your healing needs.

This will make my time writing and your time reading much more productive.

Until next time,
Jan
email me at jan_marquart@yahoo.com

Divine Download

Is this you? You sit at your computer or in front of an open journal with a pen ready and willing and you wonder what to write about. Ideas come and go and you don't like any of them.

In the past, when this agitation took over my writing space and I felt restless and unsure of what I 'felt' like writing, I had a list of tricks to help.

1. I would close my eyes and the first thing I saw when I opened them would be my topic for the morning.
2. I would open the dictionary three times and the three words my eyes fell upon I would incorporate into a story. This is one of my favorites.
3. I would open the thesaurus and the first word my eyes fell upon I would use it, as well as its analogies, in a story.
4. I would sift through files and find something old and edit it until it was fresh and new. I admit resurrecting from the dead is not one of my favorites but I did wind up getting some poetry accepted to online journals as a result.

Many of these ideas (and tons more) I have used over the decades to keep my writing more stimulated than writing about the banal things I did for the day.

It wasn't until I was pushed by difficult times that I decided to see what I could write about if I were to hear the voice of my higher self. And guess what? It was great. Not only did I bring out internal support I didn't know I had, I also realized that to be a creative writer one had to extend the imagination far beyond the usual acceptance of the mind. I new this intellectually but actually doing it was quite an experience.

It seemed a divine download to write from a place where the power of hope and love and desire and angels live. So I encourage you to put judgment aside, sit quietly and breathe calmly. Ask a question. It might be asking for advice, an idea, an image, anything...wait patiently and with an open mind. The first response you get to any of the questions is what you write. Keep asking questions if you need to but keep writing.

Many times I found myself writing four pages simply writing thoughts and wisdom I never would have come up with if I had let my own mind try to struggle to create.

There are many parts of the self, and there is no doubt in my mind that our higher self exists. I have seen through writing that the higher self is well-connected to the spirit of the universe, God, angels, messages that we need in order to function at our best in good times and in bad. This is wonderful nourishment for the writer.

At first my conservative mind, the part that judged itself, the part trained to be practical and rational wanted to judge and condemn anything but itself. Ah, the destruction the ego can cause to anything that exists above and beyond itself. It was hurting my writing. I'm sure writers never fully gain control over this part of the self but we all try so hard when we want to write fresh, honest, create, and wild stuff, don't we?

If you find yourself thinking this is silly or nonsensical, please do it anyway. Act as if you find at least a grain of merit in this. Don't let that part of your mind, the part that nags like a writer's scrooge keep you from your true imagination and desirable muse. Let the angels sing to you as you write. I promise you, maybe not the first time you try it, but certainly over a day or two, you will see a different light within and without.

Oh, writers of the spirit, have fun.

Until next time,
Jan

Echoes from the Womb

All women are daughters. Now you'd think that was a given fact except that one day, while I was working on the manuscript for Echoes from the Womb, my computer developed a problem and needed the computer doctor.

The guy asked me what my hurry was in getting the computer back so fast and I explained that I was in the middle of a manuscript and needed it fixed within 24 hours, if possible, PLEASE. When I told him the title, Echoes from the Womb, a Book for Daughters, he asked me how many daughters I had. I said none. He asked me how I could write a book about daughters if I hadn't any. I didn't know quite what to say. I simply looked at him, speechless. He continued to wait for an answer so I explained I AM a daughter,for which he just responded with an 'oh yeah' and moved on.

Since every woman is a daughter I can make a solid guess that the planet is filled with women trying to resolve, understand, and heal something because of their mother/daughter relationship.

I wrote Echoes because I had an oppressive relationship with my mother from the beginning of time. I loved my mother deeply and there were many things about her I wanted to emulate as I grew older. For one thing, she was extremely talented. My mother could make up poems by just taking in a breath and letting her exhalations turn into art. She could make a fantastic gift out of kitchen utensils and decorate a float for a parade like no one I knew. She was well-liked by her friends, was effective in participating in community politics, and active in helping people wherever she met them. None of that, however, was the problem.

It was the mother/daughter part that lived inside barbed wire. My mother was overly protective, wanted to live her life through me, and was determined to set my course for a future that involved becoming the wife of the boy she wanted me to marry and have children so they could wear the sweaters she was already knitting. The pressure to please her was intense and I honestly did my best but in the process I had become a wreck trying. When I didn't meet her expectations I got the holy silent treatment that was fed by excruciating shame and guilt. If only my mother knew how much I loved her, I often think if only she had allowed herself to see it -- but that wish held the key to what I had to uncover about both of us.

After graduating high school, I worked on Wall Street, fell in love for the first time, of course with a man she didn't like, which was followed by an excruciating heartache and my mother's joy. When everything fell apart I left to go to college which only met with more fury from her and she died taking it all with her without healing anything with me, despite years of effort on my part. I promised all sorts of things if only she would please work things out with me. I saw many options for peace between us. My mother saw one: she had to control what I did and who I did it with. We all know how that turned out, right?

The only way I knew how to deal with my inner turmoil was to pick up my pen. Writing Echoes from the Womb was a way for me to heal, understand, and share what I learned about the mother/daughter relationship. It was a way for me to grieve and revisit the good times.

I received dozens of sweet cards and letters after Echoes from the Womb came out, now in its second printing, often bringing me to tears. I realized that women all over the world were trying to come to grips with their mothers in thousands of ways just like I had done.

When I wrote Echoes I wanted it to be more than a book daughters read and put back on the shelf. I wanted it to be a book that daughters used to actually work out ideas for their own healing, to re-frame the lives of their mothers and the relationship they had with them.

I offer Echoes from the Womb, a Book for Daughters to women all over the world to help heal and identify the power in this relationship. $14.95
www.createspace.com/3546083 or Amazon.com
or www.JanMarquart.com if you want it inscribed.

Until next time,

Prosperity Writing

How many of you keep a daily journal? What do you write in these journals? Do you write what happened during the day, what you think about someone, what someone did to make you angry? Because writing out your emotions and situations can have a healing effect on your life.

Journals can provide many positive aspects to your life but the one I like the best, that I have just started, is the prosperity journal. I have been a daily journal writer since 1972. I put everything in those journals. Lately I have been writing in a separate book only statements of prosperity.

I write Bible verses of prosperity and a list of affirmations. If I have a random thought or feeling that feels prosperous I write it.

How about this: everyone I meet prospers me now and I prosper everyone I meet.

I want to recommend you try this. Then open the book to any page and re-read it. There is nothing like a prosperous thought to change your mood and attitude for the better.

Until next time,
Jan
www.JanMarquart.com