Jan Marquart's Blog - Posts Tagged "writing-about-our-mothers"
Echoes from the Womb
All women are daughters. Now you'd think that was a given fact except that one day, while I was working on the manuscript for Echoes from the Womb, my computer developed a problem and needed the computer doctor.
The guy asked me what my hurry was in getting the computer back so fast and I explained that I was in the middle of a manuscript and needed it fixed within 24 hours, if possible, PLEASE. When I told him the title, Echoes from the Womb, a Book for Daughters, he asked me how many daughters I had. I said none. He asked me how I could write a book about daughters if I hadn't any. I didn't know quite what to say. I simply looked at him, speechless. He continued to wait for an answer so I explained I AM a daughter,for which he just responded with an 'oh yeah' and moved on.
Since every woman is a daughter I can make a solid guess that the planet is filled with women trying to resolve, understand, and heal something because of their mother/daughter relationship.
I wrote Echoes because I had an oppressive relationship with my mother from the beginning of time. I loved my mother deeply and there were many things about her I wanted to emulate as I grew older. For one thing, she was extremely talented. My mother could make up poems by just taking in a breath and letting her exhalations turn into art. She could make a fantastic gift out of kitchen utensils and decorate a float for a parade like no one I knew. She was well-liked by her friends, was effective in participating in community politics, and active in helping people wherever she met them. None of that, however, was the problem.
It was the mother/daughter part that lived inside barbed wire. My mother was overly protective, wanted to live her life through me, and was determined to set my course for a future that involved becoming the wife of the boy she wanted me to marry and have children so they could wear the sweaters she was already knitting. The pressure to please her was intense and I honestly did my best but in the process I had become a wreck trying. When I didn't meet her expectations I got the holy silent treatment that was fed by excruciating shame and guilt. If only my mother knew how much I loved her, I often think if only she had allowed herself to see it -- but that wish held the key to what I had to uncover about both of us.
After graduating high school, I worked on Wall Street, fell in love for the first time, of course with a man she didn't like, which was followed by an excruciating heartache and my mother's joy. When everything fell apart I left to go to college which only met with more fury from her and she died taking it all with her without healing anything with me, despite years of effort on my part. I promised all sorts of things if only she would please work things out with me. I saw many options for peace between us. My mother saw one: she had to control what I did and who I did it with. We all know how that turned out, right?
The only way I knew how to deal with my inner turmoil was to pick up my pen. Writing Echoes from the Womb was a way for me to heal, understand, and share what I learned about the mother/daughter relationship. It was a way for me to grieve and revisit the good times.
I received dozens of sweet cards and letters after Echoes from the Womb came out, now in its second printing, often bringing me to tears. I realized that women all over the world were trying to come to grips with their mothers in thousands of ways just like I had done.
When I wrote Echoes I wanted it to be more than a book daughters read and put back on the shelf. I wanted it to be a book that daughters used to actually work out ideas for their own healing, to re-frame the lives of their mothers and the relationship they had with them.
I offer Echoes from the Womb, a Book for Daughters to women all over the world to help heal and identify the power in this relationship. $14.95
www.createspace.com/3546083 or Amazon.com
or www.JanMarquart.com if you want it inscribed.
Until next time,
The guy asked me what my hurry was in getting the computer back so fast and I explained that I was in the middle of a manuscript and needed it fixed within 24 hours, if possible, PLEASE. When I told him the title, Echoes from the Womb, a Book for Daughters, he asked me how many daughters I had. I said none. He asked me how I could write a book about daughters if I hadn't any. I didn't know quite what to say. I simply looked at him, speechless. He continued to wait for an answer so I explained I AM a daughter,for which he just responded with an 'oh yeah' and moved on.
Since every woman is a daughter I can make a solid guess that the planet is filled with women trying to resolve, understand, and heal something because of their mother/daughter relationship.
I wrote Echoes because I had an oppressive relationship with my mother from the beginning of time. I loved my mother deeply and there were many things about her I wanted to emulate as I grew older. For one thing, she was extremely talented. My mother could make up poems by just taking in a breath and letting her exhalations turn into art. She could make a fantastic gift out of kitchen utensils and decorate a float for a parade like no one I knew. She was well-liked by her friends, was effective in participating in community politics, and active in helping people wherever she met them. None of that, however, was the problem.
It was the mother/daughter part that lived inside barbed wire. My mother was overly protective, wanted to live her life through me, and was determined to set my course for a future that involved becoming the wife of the boy she wanted me to marry and have children so they could wear the sweaters she was already knitting. The pressure to please her was intense and I honestly did my best but in the process I had become a wreck trying. When I didn't meet her expectations I got the holy silent treatment that was fed by excruciating shame and guilt. If only my mother knew how much I loved her, I often think if only she had allowed herself to see it -- but that wish held the key to what I had to uncover about both of us.
After graduating high school, I worked on Wall Street, fell in love for the first time, of course with a man she didn't like, which was followed by an excruciating heartache and my mother's joy. When everything fell apart I left to go to college which only met with more fury from her and she died taking it all with her without healing anything with me, despite years of effort on my part. I promised all sorts of things if only she would please work things out with me. I saw many options for peace between us. My mother saw one: she had to control what I did and who I did it with. We all know how that turned out, right?
The only way I knew how to deal with my inner turmoil was to pick up my pen. Writing Echoes from the Womb was a way for me to heal, understand, and share what I learned about the mother/daughter relationship. It was a way for me to grieve and revisit the good times.
I received dozens of sweet cards and letters after Echoes from the Womb came out, now in its second printing, often bringing me to tears. I realized that women all over the world were trying to come to grips with their mothers in thousands of ways just like I had done.
When I wrote Echoes I wanted it to be more than a book daughters read and put back on the shelf. I wanted it to be a book that daughters used to actually work out ideas for their own healing, to re-frame the lives of their mothers and the relationship they had with them.
I offer Echoes from the Womb, a Book for Daughters to women all over the world to help heal and identify the power in this relationship. $14.95
www.createspace.com/3546083 or Amazon.com
or www.JanMarquart.com if you want it inscribed.
Until next time,
