R.W. Ridley's Blog, page 12

Another note for beta readers – Even More on Kenny

Kenny Part 2

This is a continuation of yesterdays post addressing comments brought up in a few beta readers surveys for the Closeout Kings.  If you are a beta reader and you have not taken the survey, I urge you to stop reading now.

More than one beta reader commented that Kenny wasn’t as dumb as he should be at times.  He used words and language you wouldn’t expect a hickbilly from the backwoods to use. I never really meant for Kenny to be stupid just curious.  I know he’s a strange mix of not knowing and knowing.  I guess my thinking on Kenny is that he’s not completely closed off from the world.  His curiosity (misguided at times) does lead him to explore and seek out information.  This is all done outside of the view of the reader, so I can understand how his character seems a little inconsistent.  He has a lot of information that you wouldn’t expect him to at times, but sometimes he uses that information out of context which makes him sound really stupid.  I wrote a short dialogue between Step and Kenny to give the reader a hint to this off-story behavior of Kenny’s.  The danger of doing this is that it can some times come off as unnecessary exposition, so I tried to tread lightly.

This dialogue occurs in the truck after Step and Kenny meet Dani for the first time and it opens here with Kenny speaking:

“Human beings are what’s called pack animals, Step. Means we need others to bond with. Helps us get along better. Even adds years to our lives being with others. Ain’t nothing more important in a human pack than what they call physical communion. Means sex with an emotional tinge to it.”

“Goddamn,” Step said with a laugh. “Did you grow a vagina somewheres along the way?”

“Laugh all you want, but that don’t change the fact that I don’t just need a hooker to hump. I need a lady that I can exchange emotional wherewithal with.”

“I don’t get you at all, Kenny. You’re dumb enough to think there’s such a thing as a nobility prize on the one hand, but on the other, you come up with this pack animal, emotional communion bullshit that makes you sound half-way smart.”

“First off, I’m sure as I can be about that nobility prize. Folks have been winning that thing almost every year for a few years now, and second off, I read up on things.”

“Read? What the shit do you read?”

“Stuff that was writ to be read.”

“Like what?”

“Stuff.”

“What stuff?”

“I got my daddy’s collection of magazines and the like when he died. It feeds my mind on various topics.”

“Magazines? You mean Playboy?”

Kenny smirked. “I seem to recall coming across an edition or two in his collection, yes.”

Step shook his head. “So in between cranking off throughout the day, you read up on emotional wherewithal and other such nonsense in these pornographic periodicals?”

Kenny shrugged. “I got a curious mind. I ain’t ashamed of that.” He fiddled with his cap. “Do you got that with Bones?”

“Got what with Bones?”

“Emotional wherewithal.”

“What I got with Bones ain’t none of your business.”

Once again, thanks for the feedback. It’s really helping see the problem areas.

A note for beta readers – More on Kenny

Kenny update

If you are a beta reader for The Closeout Kings, and you have not completed the survey, you may not want to read beyond this point because I will address a particular element pointed out by some of those that have completed the survey.  As always, I don’t want to influence your opinions, so if you haven’t taken the survey stop reading… now.

Okay, I think we’re alone now.  There doesn’t seem to be anyone around. We can talk freely.  First, let me thank you for filling out the survey.  Your participation and comments have been extremely constructive.  The first thing I’ve addressed based on your feedback is the character of Kenny.  A number of you pointed out that he lacked a background story, and that prevented you from really connecting with him.  I gave extensive background information on Step and Dani, and as a result, they received higher overall ratings than poor ol’ Kenny.  I like Kenny, and I want you to like him too.  So I inserted some back story for the slower closeout king.  It’s not as detailed as Step and Dani’s, but it does give you an  idea how he ended up doing what he does for a living.  I added it to the chapter where he visits Suzanna Campbell’s trailer.  Here is the actual passage:

Kenny opened the door and stepped up on the landing. Peeking his head inside, he saw the lumpish figure of Suzanna almost melted into the frayed fabric of her couch. Her eyelids hid away half the pained look that had anchored into her battered soul. She was the deadest woman that ever drew a breath.

The chubby closeout king’s mind flipped to memories of his own mother. A saintly woman she was not. Her most tolerable moments were spent passed out on a similar couch in Kenny’s childhood home. She guzzled homemade skunk wine from the time she kicked out of bed until the time she planted herself face first onto the drool stained fabric of that rat chewed sofa. In between rising in the late afternoons and drinking herself into oblivion by early evening, she took a hand to Kenny’s fat cheeks every time he dared to place himself in her field of vision. She could not stand how stupid and unkempt he was. “The devil himself could not make something so offensive,” she’d say. “And don’t God want a thing to do with you neither.”

The dank, confined space of the trailer reminded him of his childhood even more. He spent his youth imagining the walls of his house closing in on him. Every day, he would compulsively check to see if he could fit through the bathroom window in case he ever had to escape his shrinking home. He knew it wasn’t really shrinking. He wasn’t that stupid. But that didn’t mean it didn’t feel real and crushing all the same.

His mother was the first person he closed out. He didn’t do anything to actively bring about her demise. He just watched as she choked on a bone while eating a cold extra crispy piece of fried chicken over the kitchen sink. She reached for him and mouthed a blue-lipped help. Even motioned for him to get on the phone and call someone. Eleven-year-old Kenny ripped the phone out of the wall instead. When her heart put out its last thump, he finished off her chicken and breathed a little easier.

He didn’t go without beatings after her death. His old man knocked him around for this and that. His old man’s girlfriends slapped him around. His grandparents, his teachers, even the kids at school lit into him more frequently than not. Kenny was pretty much beaten by nearly everyone who ever came into contact with him until he started punching back. As it turned out, he was pretty good beating the snot out of anyone that had it coming, including his old man. Throwing punches led to a stint in prison for involuntary manslaughter which led to meeting a cousin of Boss Perry’s which led to a career as a closeout king which led to meeting the only and best friend he ever had Step Crawford. And if you asked Kenny, he’d tell you he had a pretty good life because of it.

Feel free to let me know if this does or doesn’t help you connect with Kenny a little bit more. I hope this illustrates to you how important this beta read phase is to me. Thanks again for your help.

#IndieBookWednesday – Wicked Temper by Randy Thornhorn

A instant Southern classic

In my continuing effort to shine a light on indie authors, allow me to turn your attention to one Randy Thornhorn.  I found myself waiting in a situation in which I had nothing to do but search for good books in the Kindle store for about two hours on Monday, and I found a book I had heard about earlier titled Wicked Temper written by the aforementioned Randy Thornhorn.

It’s Southern Fiction which is my not so secret literary passion.  I love the settings, the characters, the dialogue, and the dialect offered up on in a good Southern tome, and Wicked Temper is not good.  It’s great.  Great may not even be an effusive enough word.  It’s a classic in the vein of William Faulkner, Harper Lee, Cormac McCarthy, and Erskine Caldwell (my personal favorite).  Yet, it is a much darker voice all its own.  There’s an underlying deep moan of creepiness throughout this story that lets you feel the soaring trek of ruin the main characters Tizzy and Matthew are on.  They set out on a life of crime to escape their dismal childhoods only to fall into the hands of a charismatic backwoods deviant.

This book deserves to be read and shared for generations to come.  It is currently only $1.99 on Kindle.  That’s an insanely low price for a book this good.   Buy it.  Read it. Tell your friends. This is the kind of indie book that deserves the attention.  It has made me realize that my alter-ego, C. Hoyt Caldwell, has miles to go before he reaches this level of storytelling.

BTW – I heard about this book on Facebook.  A few weeks ago someone (I can’t remember who) posted a link to the book.  I read the summary and committed it to memory because I found it interesting.  I’m just sorry it took me so long to actually get back to the book and read it.

Bad Way Out is “Definitely not a literary masterpiece”, but it will be free for Kindle-lovers soon

Free for Kindle-lovers June 1-5

Got a brand new review of Bad Way Out on Amazon, and it was posted just in time for this announcement.  Bad Way Out will be free in the Kindle store from June 1 to June 5 (This coming Sunday thru Thursday). That’s the good news.  The bad news is the review is not a ringing endorsement unless you count “so-so story” and “the writing is predictable” as major selling points.  I can’t complain too much because the reviewer gave it 3 out of 5 stars.  I’d hate to read his/her 1 star reviews.  I imagine threats of bodily harm are issued towards current and future generations of the author’s family.

So here’s my request.  Tell your friends and family who are Kindle-lovers to download the book, but don’t mention the “so-so story… Definitely not a literary masterpiece, the writing is predictable” bit.  Let them come to that conclusion on their own.

BTW – I’m not the “literary masterpiece” kind of guy.  Don’t ever pick up one of my books and expect a profoundly moving experience that will change your life.  If I get a chuckle, smile, chill, or even tear out of you, that’s enough for me.

BTW2 – In all seriousness, I appreciate that the reviewer took the time to read the book and offer his/her opinion.  I was just having a little fun… to hide the pain.  :)

I TOLD YOU SO!!!! – Warning this post contains Breaking Bad Spoilers

Could he come knocking again?

I know some of you are still getting into the Breaking Bad phenomenon, and you haven’t seen the entire series as of yet.  Out of deference to you, I am going to make this first paragraph filler so you can have adequate time to back out of this post and not cast your eyes upon the major spoiler below.  If you don’t wish to know how Walter White’s saga ends stop reading… NOW!

(BTW – What is wrong with you people?  I’ve watched the entire series twice already!)

This goes out to all those people who thought I was crazy.  I told you before, and I’ll say it again.  HE’S NOT DEAD!  The producers brilliantly left the ending open to interpretation.  It was so brilliant most viewers thought it wasn’t open to interpretation at all.  They walked away convinced Walt was dead.  But not this rabid – bordering on irrational – fan of all things Breaking Bad.  No, no, no! I immediately turned to my wife and said, “He’s not dead.”  I told the clerk at the store, “He’s not dead.”  I told my dentist, “He’s not dead.”  I told the Girl Scout at the neighborhood Bi-Lo selling cookies, “He’s not dead.”  They all looked at me like I was crazy.  “He’s dead,”they assured me. “You’re out of your mind,” they snarked.  “We’re out of thin mints,” the Girl Scout said mockingly.

But today I am vindicated.  Today, Bryan Cranston himself has hinted to what I’ve been saying all along, “He’s not dead.”  In a post on Time.com, Cranston refused to rule out a Breaking Bad comeback saying, “You never saw bags zip up or anyone say … you know.”

My guess is that within five years we’ll be watching Walt breaking out of prison to save his family the only way he knows how, the Heisenberg way.  My hat’s off to Cranston for playing the uncertainty card in true Heisenberg fashion.  

I saw Godzilla – (Generic spoilers)

Cool monsters in a confusing movie

I needed a good brain washing after figuratively spending a few months in the hills of Tennessee with a bunch of killer hillbillies, so I took in a showing of Godzilla at the nearest multiplex yesterday.  What did you expect me to do, read Hamlet?

I should start out this review by saying I’ve never understood the fascination with Godzilla.  He’s basically a dragon that can’t fly.  The only Godzilla movie I liked as a kid was when he fought King Kong, and we all know why I liked that one.

That out of the way, from a writer’s point of view it was meh with a side of confusing.  They skimmed over the science and mythology, and it felt like it.  Some of it didn’t make sense to me at all.  The species of monster the overgrown terrestrial dragon battles is called the Muto.  Godzilla and the Muto come from a time on Earth when the atmosphere was filled with radiation.  As the radiation on the planet subsided, they went deeper and deeper underground and under water to feed on the radiation in the Earth’s core.  Then mankind carelessly started testing nuclear weapons and they decided “Hey, it’s totally cool again.  We can go up top.”   Once they re-surface the Mutos (there were two) cause earthquakes and tsunamis through their ability to generate electromagnetic pulses.  I’m still there with you as far as storyline goes.  It’s science fiction logic to the nth degree, but I get it.

What I don’t get is why Godzilla was so hellbent on finding the Mutos and killing them. At one point the head scientist in charge made the profound statement that “He was hunting them.”  I assumed it was profound because of the astonished look on his face.  But to what end was Godzilla hunting them?  Was he hungry?  If so, he left without eating.  Did he just not like the Muto?  Did they post a nasty tweet about him?  What?  I know it sounds silly, but I need a clear reason why Godzilla chased the Muto from Japan to San Fransisco.  Not knowing that kind of killed the movie for me.

On another front, I need my monsters to be interested in feasting on people.  I kind of like them to be bloodthirsty.  Otherwise they just aren’t that scary.  They’re really only big nuisances that cause collateral damages that result in unfortunate fatalities.  C’mon!  Monsters gotta eat people!

Speaking of damage, I’m also confused why the human population was conflicted about their feelings for Godzilla.  They didn’t know if he was a monster or a hero?  Hello!  He contributed to the destruction of a couple of major population areas, and he personally caused the deaths of what appeared to be tens of thousands of people. Seriously?  Is it really hard to figure out that he’s a huge asshole that was only thinking about himself, and his inexplicable obsession with the Muto?

The good parts – The monsters looked cool.  Bryan Cranston wasn’t in it long enough to ruin his credibility. And, it did wash out my brain.  The hillbillies are basically gone.  I’ve spent a good amount of time thinking about Book Seven since I left the theater… scratch that, since about half way through the movie, and I’m getting more and more excited about completing Oz’ journey.

Book Seven update and the official logo of The Closeout Kings Beta Readers

They gave all… of their reading time.

Why? Just because that’s why!  Seriously, I don’t know what I’m going to do with it, but I’ll think of something.

And now for the update on Book Seven.  Here’s where I am.  At the beginning.  I’m talking first page.  But that first page rips a hole in the Oz Chronicle universe.  My challenge from book to book has been to give Oz and the gang room to grow, for them to discover something about themselves along their journey.   With that in mind, page one of Book Seven of the Oz Chronicles features a major catalyst for Oz to grow.  I’m toying around with doing a video read to give you a sneak peak at what’s to come, but at the same time, I don’t want to ruin the surprise for you.  What to do. What to do.  What to do.

I’m also going to take a different approach with this book than the others.  The other six books are sequential and interconnected.  Meaning, you have to read them in order to understand where you are in Oz’ world.  If you don’t, you’re lost and frustrated, and your hate for me surpasses your hate for getting a cavity filled at the dentist.

This book is going to be a stand alone novel.  The six books before it are all back story to this novel.  That means it is likely to be longer, almost epic like in proportion.  If I do this right, you should be able to read Book Seven and know everything there is to know about Oz and the others without ever reading a single word of the other books.  Let me repeat the key phrase from that last sentence. IF I DO THIS RIGHT!

Obviously, what I don’t want to do is rehash old story lines, plop them in this book, and package it as something new.  That’s cheating, and won’t make Oz readers very happy. This has to revisit elements from the other books in a new way.  It won’t be easy, but it’s a challenge that will make this story worth writing and hopefully worth reading.

Wish me luck!

 

 

#IndieBookWednesday – Jonny Bails Floatin by J. Lee Glassman

A tale that will light up your life!

I wrote a blog post for CreateSpace encouraging indie authors to spotlight deserving indie books that would otherwise go unnoticed.  The one rule is it cannot be their own books.  In an effort to practice what I preach, I’d like to recommend an indie book to you today that I found entertaining.

That book is Jonny Bails Floatin by J. Lee Glassman.  It’s a Florida Keys tale of bioluminescence and love.  Musician and ne’er-do-well Jonny Bails is living song to song and joint to joint in Key West.  A late night dip in the ocean and a one night stand with a tourist leave him glowing both literally and figuratively.  He’s picked up a condition that gives him the gift of bioluminescence, and he’s been cursed by feelings of love for Leila, a one night stand.  Jonny struggles to both understand his sudden illuminating talents and his newly discovered ability to fall in love.  What is a poor glowing Florida Keys boy to do?

This is a Sci-Fi book like you’ve never encountered. I’m somewhat reluctant to even call it a Sci-Fi novel. It’s a character driven story that makes it a multi-genre vehicle. It’s got a little Carl Hiaasen feel to it mixed in with a tiny bit of Alan Dean Foster.  Setting and the laid back mood of the book make it a truly fun and unique read.  I give it a big recommend.  If you like debauchery at the hands of a skilled storyteller, this is well worth the read.

How did I find out about this book?  The author “Friended” me on Facebook.  After several months of enjoying his status updates that very rarely had anything to do with his book, I decided to check out his novel.  It just so happened the day I looked it up, it was available for free on the Kindle.  He has no idea I’ve read his book, nor does he know I’ve posted this review.  The only reason you (and he) know I read it is because I thoroughly enjoyed it.  Kudos J. Lee Glassman.  I look forward to your next book.

Before Breaking Bad – Aaron Paul, Come on down! You’re our next contestant on The Price is Right!

Before Aaron Paul became Walter White’s right hand man on Breaking Bad, he was a huge, loveable goofball on The Price is Right. It’s safe to say that Bob Barker was both terrified and smitten by the future drug kingpin.

The Closeout Kings is in the hands of beta readers

In the hands of beta readers

I put out a call for beta readers for The Closeout Kings on Facebook, and I was pleasantly surprised by the response.  As a result, the early first-revised draft of the book is in the hands of 20+ readers.  I’ve never used that many beta readers before.  At most, I’ve used a half-dozen, so it will be interesting to see the results.  I created a survey on Polldaddy that allows the beta readers to anonymously rank the general elements of a story (character, plot, setting, humor, etc.), and I also gave them the opportunity to leave detailed comments about any issue they want to address.

I’ve already gotten some excellent feedback on dialect, firearms, trucks, and other details. These are factors that are as important as the major aspects of storytelling, and are incredibly helpful.

The book is almost 84k words, so I don’t anticipate I’ll see a significant number or survey results for a couple of weeks, so that leaves me some down time to hop on other projects.  Those other projects include Book Seven.  I’m going to play around with some plot points and see if I can pull together a full skeleton of the story.  This is Oz’ finally journey, and I’m somewhat terrified I’m not going to do him justice.

I may also take a look at The Tree Readers again.  It’s become an epic Sci-Fi/Fantasy novel that is currently well over 100k words, and by my current estimation, it’s only about 2/3 of they way done. Given that it’s taken years to write, I don’t see myself rushing to get it done now.  It’s one of those manuscripts that I may finish, hand off to my agent and forget about it.

That’s my state of writing report for now.  Stay calm and keep reading.