R.W. Ridley's Blog, page 33

In the age of social media, who do you hug?

“Dude, I know you like my tweets, but let’s start with a handshake and see where this goes.”

I am an awkward hugger.  My problem is I don’t know who to hug.  I’m not opposed to hugging, as a practice.  I’m just very sensitive to invading someone else’s space.  Family and old friends get a hug. That’s a no-brainer…  although, manly friends and family are a little hard to figure out at times.  I have an inconsistent hugging record with most the men I know, but hugging is not the foundation of those relationships, so it’s not a big deal.

New friends and people I know through other people are my main problem areas.  There is that horrendously uncomfortable moment when such a person joins a gathering and begins to greet and hug everyone else they know better than me.  My mind immediately begins to assess the situation.  Are we at the hugging level?  If I lead with a hug, and they expect a handshake we’ll both disappear into some kind of social vortex of cumbersome regret.  If I lead with a handshake and they expect a hug, I will appear cold and aloof, maybe even overtly hostile.

Inevitably when the person reaches me, there is a clumsy pause followed by me leading with an extended hand that is held wide enough to be converted into a one-armed hug should their approach suggest they expect a friendly embrace.    The conversion is not smooth and there is usually a chuckle by everyone at my expense.   To which I respond with a smile and sheepishly remove myself from any further contact with the recipient of my hybrid shake/hug.  Thereby ensuring that we will never extend our relationship beyond the perimeter of the occasional get-together and at the same time guaranteeing we will forever dwell at the nexus of uncomfortable greetings.

I bring this up because it occurred to me at a party yesterday (where most the people in attendance received the shake/hug from me) that there is an entire virtual universe of people I now have to worry about when it comes to unwieldy greetings.  I’m referring to those folks I only know through social media.  Up until now, it has only happened at book signings and appearances where 99% of the people expect a handshake.  The other one percent initiates the hug and removes me from all responsibility in the greeting conundrum. But, I fear there will be a time in my future where I will meet my social media “friends” at some event or function where there is no book as a greetings buffer.  What then?  Do the people in my social media circles merit hugs?  Or, more accurately, do they want a hug from me?  Is it valid for me to invade their space?

I’m R.W. Ridley and this is the crap that keeps me up at night.

Toying with a wild idea for the Oz Chronicles (you decide)

I’ve been shooting my mouth off about releasing entries from Lou’s diary as a supplement to the Oz Chronicles until I can get the next book out.  Actually, I’ve been writing it on Facebook and this blog so technically I’ve been shooting my fingers off about it, but I digress.   I made this suggestion in response to the numerous messages I’ve gotten from readers asking me when Book Six is coming out.  Much to the publishing industries objections (well, those in it that have read my books anyway), I’ve ended all the Oz books with cliffhangers, including Book Five.  Lou is in a pickle, and people want to know what’s going to happen to her.  The diary will hopefully fill that void until the next book is released.

I’ve got a list of books I want to write outside of the Oz universe, and I’ve gotten into the habit of taking a hiatus from Oz and writing something different to give my brain a break, but for some reason I think I can do this, so I’m going to give it a whirl.  But, I’m thinking of taking it one step further.  You see the annoying laws of brand awareness say I have to do more to get my face out there.   As someone recently described me as “creepy-looking” I’m not sure if that’s a great idea, but I’ve never made a concerted effort to do so.  It’s time I give it a try which means doing more vlog entries which means shooting, editing, and lamenting over how creepy I actually do look.  If you add my normal writing time to the Lou Diary writing time and then factor in the video production time, that comes to… a lot of freakin time.   I’m thinking of killing two birds with one stone.  My vlogs will be me reading an entry from Lou’s diary.  My plan would be to release one a week.  It sounds like the perfect compromise, but I’m sure I’m overlooking something.  Rather than jumping into this head first, I’m going to ask for your input.  Vote in the survey below and a week from today I’ll tally the results and abide by your wishes.

Take Our Poll

Funky Mr. Rogers

This will make you smile.

Zombieland rules

Bill Murray is your friend, not a zombie!

Given all the zombie attacks recently, I thought it wise and heroic of me to post the Zombieland rules to refresh all your memories.  Good luck and don’t let the Zombies bite!

Cardio
The Double Tap
Beware of Bathrooms
Wear Seat Belts
No Attachments
The “Skillet”
Travel Light
Get a Kick Ass Partner
With your Bare Hands
Don’t Swing Low
Use Your Foot
Bounty Paper Towels
Shake it Off
Always carry a change of underwear
Bowling Ball
Opportunity Knocks
Don’t be a hero (later crossed out to be a hero)
Limber Up
Break it Up
It’s a marathon, not a sprint, unless it’s a sprint, then sprint
Avoid Strip Clubs
When in doubt Know your way out
Zipplock
Use your thumbs
Shoot First
A little sun screen never hurt anybody
Incoming!
Double-Knot your Shoes
The Buddy System
Pack your stain stick
Check the back seat
Enjoy the little things
Swiss army Knife

And remember, if you see Bill Murray, don’t kill him.  He’s not a zombie.

The Star Spangled Banner performed by a Vet and legend of Rock ‘n’ Roll!

Happy Memorial Day, everybody!

Words an author should never say

Muhammad Ali could call himself the greatest. Authors? Not so much.

There’s a bit of a brouhaha that’s been… “brouhaha-ing” in the fantasy community for a couple of days that I just caught wind of today thanks to a post on Fantasy Faction by Marc Alpin titled The Man Who Thought He Was King.   It seems there is an author by the name of M. R. Mathias who uses his real name, Michael Robb Mathias Jr., as the publisher for his books.  The short version of events that led to the unrest is that Mr. Mathias is upset his post promoting one of his titles was moved to a spot on the forum for self-published authors.   His argument is that the fact he publishes his own books doesn’t make him a self-published author.  It makes him a small press.

Why is he running from the self-published moniker?  It’s a term invented by the publishing industry decades ago to demean authors who paid to publish their own books.  I understand Mr. Mathias’ frustration being associated with the s-word.  Let’s face it; it comes with a lot of baggage.  I even disavowed it once.  I was invited by some students to speak to their creative writing club.  Before the students arrived, the woman in charge of the club spent several minutes telling me she was so discouraged by all these self-published authors ruining the industry. She was an otherwise pleasant lady so I let the comment slide and simply said that she might want to get used to the trend because it was here to stay.  She looked horrified by the notion.  The problem came during the Q&A session with the students.  They asked me how I got published.  I looked at the woman and scrambled for an answer that would not embarrass her or make me feel like an idiot for being one those authors who is destroying the publishing industry.  I simply told the students that I was an indie author and described the process I go through with my agent to try to get bigger publishers interested in my books.

So, I do understand why Mr. Mathias doesn’t like being called a self-published author.  People still use it as a derogatory term.  But, I’m afraid that’s where my empathy for Mr. Mathias ends.  He committed the worst of sins in his defense of his outrage. He claimed to be a great writer, a better writer than some established traditionally published authors in the fantasy genre.  Writers cannot claim their own greatness.   Why?  Because no one will ever agree with an author that claims they are great.  It is a surefire way to flood the online universe with reviews that rip every aspect of their books apart.

Aplin actually makes a great commentary on this particular strategy incorporated by Mr. Mathias:

It throws up an interesting debate in regards to how a self-published author attracts an audience. Typically, self-published authors send out copies of their books and interact with the community in the hope that, after a few people have read their book, word of mouth will spread and they’ll gain a readership. However, as with other media – you have those rock stars and models who get famous because of their self-destructive nature or their willingness to make outrageous statements. Can this work in book publishing?

The answer to his question is no it can’t work.  It shouldn’t.  Self-proclaimed greatness isn’t the way to build a fan base in the world of publishing, but it’s the perfect way to attract critics.  Building an author brand is incredibly tedious, but it’s not difficult.  It’s really simple.  I can describe it in six steps.

1. Publish

2. Promote with humility

3. Acknowledge compliments

4. Don’t respond to criticism

5. Study your craft

6. Repeat steps 1-5

That’s it.  It’s not rocket science.  The “self-destructive” behavior may give you a short term bump in sales, but it will do damage to your brand over the long run.  I get the sense that Mr. Mathias felt as though he was backed into a corner and as a result, he felt compelled to defend himself and the more he did the bolder his statements became.  I don’t know him personally, but I’ve seen other people respond the same way.  It’s human nature to want to defend your good name.  His best approach would be to release a mea culpa and back away from his own greatness.  The good news is his brand can recover if he makes the right moves.  It’s evident that he is committed to publishing because he is fairly prolific.  The industry needs his kind of enthusiasm.  Here’s hoping he survives this fray and gets back on track.

I’m R.W. Ridley, and I am not a great writer, but I’m working on it.

You’re vs. Your – The video

Posting because I’m guilty of making this mistake all the time.  Most of us know the difference and the correct uses. We just let our brains take a break every once in a while.  Nonetheless, it’s a great video.  Strong language alert.

Don’t cancel Awake, NBC!

Could the show be too original for broadcast television?

I’m a little perplexed at NBC’s decision to cancel Awake.  I know it’s ratings related, but whatever happened to letting a show build an audience.  Awake is a great show.  The storyline is original, the writing is spot on, and the acting is fantastic.  In fact, Jason Isaacs may be the best actor on television.  They even managed to make you forget that kid from That 70s Show that plays his partner in one of his dream/awake states is that kid from That 70’s Show.

Wake up, NBC!  Don’t cancel Awake!

Facebook has a Save Awake group if you feel the same way I do about the show.

The Avengers – Yet another review

I sneaked (snuck if you’re the informal type, and snucked if your the informal type who knows nothing about grammar) out on Tuesday afternoon and saw The Avengers movie.  I couldn’t bear to go see it in the evening in a jam-packed theater with a horde of cell-phone-using … patrons that wreak havoc on my easily distracted brain.  It makes author want to smash!  Which brings me to the best part of The Avengers movie, the Hulk.  I’m not the first to say it.  Many a geek-a-fide moviegoer has said the same thing.  In fact, it’s sparked a debate on how to make a good Hulk movie.

In the interest of full disclosure, I am such a fan of the Hulk I didn’t mind the two previous films on the big green goon.  The worst part of those two films wasn’t the Hulk or the actors playing Bruce Banner.  The worst part was the idiotic military back story that was supposed to provide the compelling conflict.  It was just stupid.  The Hulk works in a solo story when it’s Banner trying to lead an ordinary life and your basic street thugs pick on the wrong person. The military/government interest in the Hulk can’t be the driving force of the story.  It’s way too cliché. It can be a secondary plot that keeps Banner on the run, but making it the focal point of the story is a big mistake, IMHO.

Besides the Hulk, the best part of The Avengers was… almost everything else.  Hats off to Joss Whedon for pulling off an impossible feat; making a much anticipated film that lives up to the hype. I’m usually bothered by the mix of CG characters and actual human characters, but the action was so non-stop and engrossing it didn’t bother me this time around.  Whedon is an excellent storyteller, and he deserves every bit of success and praise that is being tossed his way.

The worst part of the film is Captain America.  I’m sorry, but the cornball, clean-cut superhero type is soooo boring, and it’s really hard not to giggle endlessly at his costume.  It’s the same feeling I got when William Katt donned his super threads in The Greatest American Hero.  It’s just hokey.  They tried to make Captain America a little more tormented and modern, but every time I saw him on screen in his getup, I wondered why they didn’t have him in something that was a little less 1944 and a little more 2012.  They even made a point of saying they updated his costume, but they didn’t update it enough.

The Avengers is well worth the price of admission.  In fact, it might be one of those films worth seeing a couple of times… as long as there aren’t people in the crowd updating their Facebook status during the film.

BTW – If you’re too young or too sophisticated to remember The Greatest American Hero, here’s a little taste.

A special Mother’s Day post – A message from my late mother

Feeling loved!

You shouldn’t be surprised that a writer with horror leanings would write a post featuring a message from his dead mother on Mother’s Day, but you might be surprised that this isn’t a macabre entry.  On April 3 of this year I had a very vivid dream involving my mother.  For those of you who don’t know, Mom passed on April 29, 2011.  Obviously my subconscious was aware of the coming anniversary of her death, even if my conscious mind had blocked it from my memory.  I was blissfully unaware of the coming milestone. So, on April 3, 2012, my Mom visited me.  Yes, it was  a dream.  Yes, the dream was obviously influenced by a program I watched on PBS that night featuring Dr. Wayne Dyer where he spent a significant amount of time talking about the afterlife.  But, I can honestly say that it was the most vivid dream I have ever had, and it was perhaps a little more than a dream.  It was a message, a message that reveals a little bit more of itself everyday whenever I’m confused about how life is supposed to work.

The dream had many elements that had nothing to do with Mom, but towards the end my Dad and I checked into a hotel in Asheville, NC (a fancy hotel – $400/night). I went to the lobby and Mom was there. She looked healthy and happy. I sat down and talked to her, and very early in our conversation I said, “Hey, wait a minute. You’re dead.” She smiled and said she came back because she knew I was worried about her. Here’s what I remember about our conversation in the dream. (BTW – The wording is to the best of my recollection. She said a lot without saying it if that makes sense. It was as if I could feel the meaning of her answers).

Me: How are you feeling?

Mom: I feel loved.  There is no fear on my side.  There is only love.  There is only a sense of belonging.  That is the truth.

Me: Your world sounds much better. Why even have two worlds? Why can’t we all just live in your world?

Mom: You have to learn how to appreciate love before you can live in a world that is only love. You can only learn to appreciate love by going through the trials, tribulations, and triumphs that exist on your side.

Me: Are you always with us? (Us being her family)

Mom: I am with you when you feel and express love. And when I’m with you it’s not how you think. I’m not hovering above you taking notes on what you’re doing or influencing the outcome of some event. I am a part of the channel of love. I have no choice but to be there. We’re all there with you during those moments. If you’re experiencing hardship, focus on love. When you do, you can take comfort that not only am I with you, but that everyone on my side is with you. There is no greater power that can influence the outcome of an event because it won’t change the event itself. It will do much more. It will change you and for the better.

Me: What is love?

Mom: Love is/are those moments when you feel like you belong. The more you do to make someone or something feel like they belong, the more you feel like you belong. They feel loved. You feel loved. That is love.

Me: Is there a God?

Mom: Yes, and God is only different from the rest of us on my side by one simple aspect. There was never a time when God did not appreciate love. God has always known that there is no value in love if you do not appreciate it. God feels infinite joy when the rest of us discover the truth, that the only true state of being is love.

That’s it. That’s all I remember about our conversation. At the end, I could see her fading back to her side. I kept questioning her as she drifted away, and I could see her consulting with the others on her side before she answered. She smiled throughout. She was happier than I have ever seen her.  I woke up feeling really good about where Mom is, and I’ll never worry about her again.

BTW – The weird thing is that on the one year anniversary of my mother’s death I sat in a motel lobby with my family, and we all gave a toast in her honor.

Happy Mother’s Day, Mom!  Thanks for the message!