Kevin Strange's Blog: Strange Sayings, page 2

Dear Bizarro: A Response

https://www.kevinthestrange.com/dear-...

Is Kevin Strange "Bob Carl?"

Hack Movies and StrangeHouse Books mastermind Kevin Strange addresses recent rumors that he is the alter-ego of the Facebook troll account “Bob Carl” who has been giving the bizarro fiction writing community trouble:

https://www.kevinthestrange.com/is-ke...

A Take Down Of Extreme Horror In 3 Acts

The small press fiction horror community acts without consequence. This year alone we’ve seen a Jack Ketchum tribute anthology torpedoed because of a “lack of vaginas” and the Splatter Club group be steamrolled over in favor of the Deadite Press “old guard” launching the Splatter Punk Awards. Enough is enough. I take the whole scene down in 3 acts:

http://www.kevinthestrange.com/a-take...

Exclusive Kindle Cover Version of JORECK AND THE SWAMP PHANTOMS OF IKK Now Available!

The new-new keeps coming this summer, gang! We’ve got a Kindle exclusive cover reveal for you today. Kevin Strange’s brand new weird sword and sorcery tale JORECK AND THE SWAMP PHANTOMS OF IKK, the first “single” from his upcoming JORECK collection THE STRANGE SAGA OF JORECK THE BARBARIAN gets a brand new cover exclusively for the Kindle version!

If digital eBooks are your jam, you get to rock the SWAMP PHANTOMS in style with this sick 1960s/70s fantasy cover throwback featuring a Reeg warrior in full on battle mode!

SWAMP PHANTOMS is on sale right now for a cool 99 cents over on Amazon so check out this SICK new cover and pick up yours today! Click here to buy SWAMP PHANTOMS with the exclusive new cover!

Synopsis: Joreck the barbarian and his weird motley crew of alien warriors must trek through the haunted swamps of dreaded Ikk to find their blood brother Orilious who has mysteriously gone missing.

But what if Orilious doesn’t want to be found?

Lovers of adult-oriented sword and sorcery are going to LOVE this series and this book in particular. That’s why Kevin Strange picked SWAMP PHANTOMS OF IKK as the lead story to promote the brand new upcoming collection of Joreck Stories, THE STRANGE SAGA OF JORECK THE BARBARIAN. It’s THAT GOOD!

Click here to buy SWAMP PHANTOMS with the exclusive new cover!

Want my new sword and sorcery novella for FREE?

I'm giving away digital copies of my brand new adult-oriented sword and sorcery novella JORECK AND THE SWAMP PHANTOMS OF IKK. Click here for details.

StrangeGiving 35% Off Book Sale Now Thru Cyber Monday!

Gang, straight up, I was not going to do a Thanksgiving sale today. I was going to spend the day quietly with my family, enjoy the holiday and start work on a brand new book on Sunday.

But as the day wore on I just became more and more thankful for the incredible year I’ve had. We launched the podcast network just over a year ago, started recording my back catalog as audio books and released 4 new books.

We’ve had nearly 50,000 website visits, hundreds of book sales and over 17,000 podcast downloads.

Strangeville is TRULY blessed and we could not do it with you, the Strangeheads. So how could I NOT do a sale for you guys this holiday weekend?

Act now and take 35% off your entire order now thru Cyber Monday at the Kevin Strange Square Store by entering the promo code HAPPYSTRANGE upon checkout.

My in-stock supplies ARE limited so please expect up to 2 weeks to get your signed and personalized paperback books. I garuntee you’ll have them before Christmas, so if you’re buying books for the holidays, don’t worry. You’ll get em on time!

Our audio books and fiction writing videos will be transmitted immediately upon purchase. So no waiting on those.

My brand new extreme horror novel BEETLE BRAIN, my weird mutant romance novel I DIED IN A BED OF ROSES and my latest short story collection ALL THE TOXIC WASTE FROM MY HEART are PERFECT stocking stuffers for your bent and deranged loved ones!

And yes, as always, this sale INCLUDES our bundle deals like our 3 for 2 deal, our 5 for 40 deal and our 10 for 75 deal. Take 35% right off those bitches, too!

We love you, gang. Happy Thanksgiving!

She Was Only A Clown Chapter 5

Chapter 5

“Gonna be a Nelson party out here tonight, boys!” Carl said as he pulled out his erect, ring-and-barbell adorned cock.

A Nelson party, Elwood reasoned, probably meant gang rape…

Jacob slowly whacked his pud in the clown girl’s face, pausing every once in a while to drop the heavy, sweating thing against her makeuped forehead, smearing the red and white grease paint and giving his dick the appearance of a wounded animal. Carl moved to the side and started to rub his bejeweled cock on the girl’s blue wig. “Real pretty hair you got here, girly. Shame if you got cum all up in it.”

Philip chuckled and centered himself in front of the clown’s breasts. “Big fuckin’ tits. Beggin for a big fuckin’ dick…” He trailed off as he spit onto her chest and squeezed her tits together. He rubbed his saliva in between them and then inserted his erection into the small space that was left.

For her part, even though she was being accosted by three brutish rednecks, the clown girl remained ever still, allowing the disgusting men to do to her as they pleased. Her eyes remained unfocused, as though she were nothing more than a living doll.

Their brother fucking her tits only made Jacob and Carl’s erections that much bigger and thicker and soon the three went silent. Their heavy breathing the only sound out there in the woods.

If Elwood was going to act, it would have to be now. If he waited until the Nelson brothers came, he would die out there in the woods.

Mark was still grinding his hard pecker into Elwood’s back, his attention completely on his brothers.

Elwood knew he couldn’t try to be sly about it this time. If he meant to do harm to Mark Nelson, he’d have to do so quickly, abruptly and savagely.

So why was he so scared?

Mark continued to rhythmically grind his dick into Elwood’s back, almost absentmindedly.

Elwood used this as an opportunity to inch forward, ever so slightly, allowing Mark’s thrusts to push him. In a few more strokes, he’d be close enough to grab hold of the broken sign post…

And then what? He asked himself. It’s not like Elwood was a tough guy. He’d run away from every fight he’d ever been in. Any time one of the ignorant town kids tried to fight him at school, he just walked away, even if that meant getting sucker punched for his trouble. If things got more violent than that, he ran.

So what did he expect would happen if he actually got ahold of the pointed stick in front of him? Mark was just as likely to yank it out of his hand and stab him with it as he was using it to defend himself long enough to get away.

His thoughts were cut short as the Nelson boys upped the ante in front of him.

“Heffer got a rump on her, too!” Jacob said, reaching back and squeezing the clown girl’s bare buttocks.

This act seemed to incite the others as Carl laughed and grabbed the diminutive girl by her cheeks, yanking her face, turning her head to his side, forcing her lips into a comical, fish-like pose. “Hear that, bitch? My brother thinks you gotta nice ass. Know what that means?”

The burly redneck didn’t give her time to answer, instead forcing his ring adorned cock into her mouth, the jewlrey clanking off of her front teeth as his thick member forced her jaws open wide.

Philip cackled, phlegm catching in the back of his throat. He left it in his mouth as he spoke. “Means my brother done got a hankerin’ to fuck you up the ass, lil missy!”

All three brothers howled with laughter as though sodomy was the funniest thing any of them could imagine.

“Ole Elwood found himself a good retard, didn’t he?” Jacob asked as he positioned himself behind the clown girl. “Cunt ass bitch just lets ya do whatever ya want.” Without bothering to lube up his penis with anything more than the girl’s greasepaint from her forehead, he eased his thickness inside her anus. “T’was me where yer at, I wouldn’t let the likes of us ruin her.” Jacob grinned, pushing the limp girl forward to get better positioning to anally rape her. “Cause boy, ain’t gonna be nothin’ left time we’re done!”

With that, the big redneck started to savagely fuck the clown girl from behind. Carl was forced to step to the side, losing his prime spot leaning over her tits. He instead took her by the hand and began to jack himself off with her limp wrist while his brothers simultaneously fucked her ass and mouth.

“Hands ain’t no good, man!” He protested after several seconds of jacking himself off with her limp hand. “Ain’t got no grip! I ain’t gonna cum fer shit like this!”

“Git in her puss then, idiot!” Jacob scolded, obviously trying to enjoy the butt rape he was inflicting on the helpless girl.

“Damn it Jacob, our dicks’s too big for that! We’ll split her in half I jam my pecker up there.”

“So? We gonna kill her anyway when we cum. Cares what condition she’s in when we do it?”

Elwood’s blood went cold. He knew the neighbor boys meant to do him harm, but saying it out loud solidified it in his mind. These were his last moments. He was about to die a violent death.

As scared as he was, as much as he knew he did not want to die, he could not help but think, in that moment, that after what had happened to uncle Jeff and his cousin Jake, he probably deserved whatever awful fate the Nelsons had in mind for him.

Carl did as he was told. He dropped down to the ground and slid underneath the clown girl. Pulling her hips over his, he guided her down on top of him. Jacob continued to pound her from behind and Philip, for his part, never lost a stroke inside her mouth. It was as though the three had experience gang raping girls. Lots of experience.

Somehow both enormous dicks fit inside her tiny body. If any internal damage was being done as they rocked her back and forth, sliding her between them like a perverse game of catch, she never let on, remaining just as silent and just as still as ever.

“Hey, I gots an idea…” Jacob said between huffs and puffs. “Gimmie that cum jar…”

Philip was currently in possession of the vile thing. He held it absent mindedly in one hand while he held the clown girl’s head in the other, face-fucking her with enough force and vigor that any normal woman would have choked, puked and passed out long before.

He handed spoiled jizz container off to his brother, smirking as he did so, clearly amused at whatever was about to transpire.

Jacob took the jar and sat it on the small of the woman’s back, balancing it on the flat area just before her hips and buttocks curved upward forming her plump ass.

Carefully, Jacob unscrewed the lid and tossed it off to the side. “Spill the jar, you win the prize!”

He and his brothers bust into laughter once again as they railed the poor girl, each thrust threatening to knock over the putrid container.

“Aw damn, you better not get none of that jizzm on me god damnit!” Carl yelped from underneath the rape train.

Jacob grew a devilish grin and redoubled his efforts as he cornholed the helpless girl, thrashing his hips wildly.

Carl put a hand up on either side of the jar, trying to keep it from spilling over on top of him. Its contents had already begun to slosh over the sides. The liquidy center oozed out from under a harder film crusted on top like spoiled milk. It splashed down the sides of the jar onto Carl’s hands and the clown girl’s back.

“God damn it!” Carl repeated as some of the brackish funk dripped onto his shirt.

Jacob and Philip cackled, thrusting harder and harder as their brother continued to spill rotten cum all over himself.

Carl finally pushed the jar off to one hand, gripped it by the rim and cast it aside, cussing and yelling the whole time. He wiped the thick gunk onto his shirt then yanked it over his head, tossing it aside as well.

“Ya’ll are a couple of assholes, you know that? I was finn’a wear that shirt to church tomorrow!”

More laughter erupted from the brothers between grunts and thrusts.

Elwood watched all of this with morbid curiosity, compelled both by the brothers’ immense carnality and their utter disconnect from the awful deed they performed.

Without even realizing it, he had been leaning closer to the sharp-ended sign post. His hand was right in front of it. Without another thought, he gripped it in his hand, turned, and plunged it directly into Mark Nelson’s neck.

***

Be back here next Saturday, October 14th, for chapter 6!

She Was Only A Clown Chapter 4

Chapter 4

When he came to, Elwood wished the jar had broken. He wished the glass shards had pierced his neck and killed him. Because when he woke up, the pain he was in was worse than anything he’d ever felt in his life.

The most immediate pain was in his ass. He had to shit but his asshole was also on fire at the same time. Or so the thought.

After feeling an intense pressure slam into him, then retract, then slam into him, he realized, even dazed and half-conscious that he was being fucked in the ass.

Raped in the ass.

“That’s what you like, ain’t it faggot?”

The next level of pain, beyond the ripping, bleeding sensation of his anus, was his face being grinded into the sticks and twigs on the ground.

And then there was the matter of his scalp feeling like it was being peeled off his head.

It only took Elwood another moment to realize he was face down on the ground and Mark was pushing his head into the dirt while fucking him.

Thump, thump, thump.

It felt like his stomach was being prodded with an alien instrument. That instrument happened to be Mark’s fat cock.

Thump, thump, thump. “Think you can kill my dog and get away with it, faggot? I’m gonna make you eat that cum then I’m gonna smash that fag jar and make you eat it, too!”

The jar in question was positioned—not unintentionally, Elwood guessed—right in front of his face on the ground.

Thump, thump, thump.

Mark was sweating and grunting. Elwood could feel the redneck’s cock swelling in his ass. He was only moments away from climax.

Elwood felt like his intestines were only moments away from turning inside out.

He wanted to pull away, to thrash around or to tighten himself up and squeeze Mark’s dick off, but with every thumping thrust, a white hot pain sucked his energy away, like a searing, smoldering fire poker was being touched directly to his guts.

It was all Elwood could do to stay conscious as the pounding picked up speed.

He knew that as soon as Mark finished he would kill him. He knew his only means for survival in that moment was to get the big sweaty dude off him before he came.

The thought gave Elwood the nauseating visual of Mark’s cock ejaculating his thick, snotty load all over Elwood’s lacerated and bleeding insides.

His right eye was smashed into the bramble but with his left eye, he was able to spot something, maybe the only thing that could save his life.

He saw the sign he’d been carrying on the road.

“The end is near. They’re all laughing at you!”

He’d fashioned the sign out of cardboard and a fence post his father had discarded in the farm house’s backyard which resembled a junkyard more than the rear property of a residence. The end of the fence post was sharp.

Elwood tentatively reached a hand across the broken sticks and twisted tree limbs that poked and yanked at his stomach as Mark continued to fuck him from behind.

A few more inches and he’d have it in his grasp.

That’s when the sound of the dirtbikes crashing through the woods drowned out the sounds of Mark’s impending orgasm.

“Fuck!” Mark screamed, jumping up off of Elwood in an instant.

It felt like a plunger had just ripped free from the wannabe clown’s asshole. Mark pulling out like that may have hurt worse than being fucked.

Elwood rolled over and put his hand against his ass, pulling his clown pants up over his exposed buttocks. This put him even closer to the sharp sign post.

Mark hastily buttoned his pants and yanked his filthy shirt down over his beer gut. He was doing everything he could to make it look like he hadn’t just butt raped a dude as his brothers pulled up on their bikes, casting the whole awful scene in harsh, revealing headlights.

“The fuck is going on out here, dumb shit?”

That was Jacob, Mark’s eldest brother. Not only was he older than the next eldest bother by five years, but he also towered over the other three causing many to speculate far outside of earshot of the giant that the Nelson boys’ mother hadn’t always been faithful to their five foot six inch father, Brutus.

Jacob always called Mark dumb shit because, well, he was probably the dumbest of all the Nelson brothers, not that that was saying much. They were all pretty stupid, as small town rednecks went.

“Faggot killed my dog,” Mark said, kicking Elwood in the stomach, which caused not an insignificant amount of blood to shoot out from his torn rectum.

“Don’t look dead to me.”

That was Carl, the middle Nelson brother, or second eldest as he liked to tell people, as though that made him sound more important in the hierarchy of small town douchebaggary.

Carl’s mouth also contained the most teeth of any of the other Nelson brothers, and as Elwood would shortly discover, also had the biggest cock which he enjoyed adorning with rings and studs.

But we’re getting ahead of ourselves.

The final Nelson brother, Philip, a stunted, quiet, hairy man only nine months older than Mark, bent down over Ruby to give her a closer look.

Indeed she was still breathing. She panted in shallow, strained breaths, fluid still leaking from her gaping muzzle.

“Seized up,” he said. “Aughta put ‘er down.”

“Fuck!” Mark said, kicking Elwood again.

“The fuck you doin’ farting around down here in the woods with the dog for anyway?” Jacob said, parking his dirt bike and killing the light, casting the whole sordid affair back into pale moonlight.

“This faggot was trying to scare up kids with his clown costume. Wanted to teach him a lesson.” Mark said, shoving his hands in his pockets, seeming suddenly pensive about his decision to sic Ruby on Elwood.

“Ain’t that the queer boy from down the way?” Carl asked. “Fuck he dressed up for? Ain’t Halloween next week?”

“Didn’t… Didn’t do… it.” Elwood managed through the pain in his stomach and ass.

“What he say?” Philip asked, still hovering over the prone canine.

“You done fucked him up too much, dumb ass. He’s prolly gonna die.” Jacob interjected.

“Didn’t do it!” Elwood screamed.

“Yeah? Then who did, faggot?” Mark said, pulling back to kick him again.

“The clown girl,” Elwood said.

“Fuck is he on about, dumb ass?” Jacob asked, walking over to the boys on the ground. The other two brothers joined him, the brothers finally taking an interest in Elwood’s injured body.

“Nothin’. Ain’t nobody out here,” Mark said, standing up. He was getting defensive.

“You know what’ll happen if you beat this here fag so bad he dies and there’s witnesses?” Carl said, visibly angry. “Wrasltin’s on tonight. I ain’t gonna be out here in these woods all night lookin’ for no fuckin’ clown girl!”

“There wasn’t no girl!” Mark said, balling his fists.

“Why’s this faggot lyin’ then!” Carl said, spitting on the ground at Mark’s feet.

The two looked like they were about to come to blows when Jacob stepped between them. “What the hell is this?”

He’d spotted the fag jar laying next to Elwood’s head. He knelt down and picked it up, turning it side to side, trying to make out the contents through the cloudy glass.

“Th-that’s my…” Mark hesitated. “That’s a cum jar.”

“Cum jar?” Carl said, snatching it from Jacob’s huge hand. “Fuck is a cum jar?” He laughed, unscrewing the top.

He and Jacob sniffed the contents and then yanked their heads away as the rotten smell wafted out.

“Holy shit! That’s the nastiest shit I ever seen, and I seen some shit!” Carl said, laughing even harder.

“You keep all your cum?” Jacob asked, screwing the lid back on to contain the smell. “Why the fuck would you do that?”

Mark looked nervous. He glanced at Elwood and then back to his brothers. He couldn’t tell them he made guys jack him off. That’s why he hadn’t called it his fag jar.

“Just somethin’ I do, ok! Fuck you!”

That seemed to be good enough for Jacob, he’d already lost interest, handing the jar back off to Carl who showed it to Philip behind the big man. Jacob’s eyes were focused on Elwood.

“Get him up, dumb ass.”

Mark did as he was told. He grabbed the hurt boy by his shoulders and hauled him up to his knees, causing Elwood to shriek in pain.

Jacob smacked a ham-hock of a hand over Elwood’s mouth. “You scream like that again, I’m gonna cut your throat right here right now, understood, faggot?” With his free hand, Jacob reached across his belt and unfastened a boot knife, showing he was more than willing to make good on his threat.

Elwood closed his eyes tight to push away the pain, then nodded the best he could.

Carl and Philip had gone quiet in the back. Now they stood with stupid grins on their face, watching the eldest brother do his thing.

“I ain’t gonna ask you but this once, ok?” Jacob grinned. “You tell me where the girl went, or I start cuttin’ shit off real slow like. Understood?”

He took his hand off Elwood’s mouth.

“I-I don’t know where… s-she went,” Elwood whined. “I swear!”

The grin faded from the eldest Nelson boy’s face.

Mark slinked an arm around Elwood’s neck, holding him in place.

Elwood stared at Jacob’s knife in horror. He visibly shook while he tried to think through the pain clearly enough to decide what to do next.

Should he just lie and say the clown girl ran off in a particular direction? What if they killed him anyway after he told them? He started to cry when Mark grabbed him around the neck. He didn’t want to die. Not out here in the cold. Not wearing a fucking clown suit.

And then she was there. Just like that. Behind the Nelson boys, near where Ruby lay. The clown girl. Standing just as still, just as haunting as she had before.

Elwood raised a trembling purple gloved hand and pointed.

***

Be back here next Saturday, October 7th, for chapter 5!

Review Beetle Brain Day *Free eBook*

Listen, gang, it’s harder than ever to grab people’s attention on the internet, especially when you’re trying to sell them books alongside thousands of part-time, trendy writer’s group authors banging on your door every single day trying to get you to buy and review their new paranormal romance or young-adult dystopian novel. We get it. It’s exhausting.

But we REALLY really stand behind Kevin Strange’s brand new extreme horror novel BEETLE BRAIN. The story of Sue Ellen the stripper turned beetle queen is so raw, intense and extremely FUCKED UP that we KNOW you’ll love it if you’d just give it a chance.

With that in mind, we’re doing something we’ve never done before and will probably never do again. We’re going to provide, FOR FREE, to the public for exactly one month, a PDF advanced reader copy of BEETLE BRAIN which you can download by Clicking Here.

What’s the catch? We’re offering this ARC on 9-14-17, exactly one month before Kevin Strange’s birthday. You have an entire month to read this novel and prepare a review. Then, on Saturday 10-14-17 we want EVERYONE to post their reviews of BEETLE BRAIN to the Goodreads page and/or the Amazon page for the book.

This signal boost on Kevin Strange’s birthday should launch BEETLE BRAIN into the cultural zeitgeist alongside other classic splatterpunk and hardcore horror novels where it belongs. Strangeville is only as big and powerful as YOU, the Strangeheads, make it.

Will you take up this challenge? Will you write up an honest review for BEETLE BRAIN on 10-14-17? We’re counting on you, gang. Let’s make this a MIGHTY novel TOGETHER!

Beetle Brain

Beetle Brain New Extreme Horror Novel Pre-Order

Beetle BrainGang! Holy shit! It’s finally here! Just six short months after the release of Kevin Strange’s weird mutant romance novel I Died In A Bed Of Roses comes his return to the world of extreme horror fiction with his brand new novel Beetle Brain!

If you’re a fan of the hardcore shit, I mean the full-on murder sex, ultra-violent, nonstop gorefests, this is the book for you! It’s also Kevin’s longest novel to date, clocking in just shy of 45,000 words. That’s 203 pages of big tits, sharp talons and bucket after bucket of bodily fluid.

And now, for a limited time, you can own this tome of concentrated death-jizz signed, personalized AND shipped to you for a mere 15 dollars if you buy the pre-order in the Strange Fiction Square store.

But this wouldn’t be a Kevin Strange novel pre-sale without some kind of Strangehead hookup, now would it? Of course not! So if you pre-order Beetle Brain in the next week, you’ll get another Kevin Strange novel absolutely free! Just list which book from the Strange Fiction catalog you’d like alongside the new freshness in the comments upon checkout. It’s that easy! Then, on September 1st, we’ll ship your books to you.

You ready to get weird, gang? Pre-order Beetle Brain now!