Cathy Rafferty's Blog

New book video

The post New book video appeared first on Cathy Rafferty.

Successful Week 1

Though I will be posting this tomorrow morning, right now it’s Sunday June 12th. I am peacefully drinking my coffee and thinking about my past week’s schedule. I am satisfied, and very happy. It was a successful first week with my schedule. If you’ve read my previous post you understand what I mean. So here is a glimpse of what my weeks will look like:

Monday

-Wake up at 5:30

-Get kids ready for school and daycare

-At the gym from 8:30

-Back home at 9:45, coffee in hand

-In home office writing, researching, reading, promoting (or at least trying to figure out   how to

Scattered all over

 

This is something like a new start for me. I have spent the last few months scattered all over between:

– Three different projects, two of which are doing good so that���s a relief

– Brainstorming, researching, and taking an endless amount of notes for my second book

– Reading an insane number of books of every genre; Fiction, Fantasy, YA, Biography, Memoirs, and Non Fiction from Self-Help/Improvement to Entrepreneurship

– Going through all sorts of promotion ideas for my first book, I Am Not A Barbie, and trying to figure out what is best.

Obviously, I am not putting 100%�� effort on anything because I do not take the time to really focus on any of these main points. So lately I sat back and thought real hard because I had to decide on one thing to put all my energy on for now. When this is done and I have achieved the goal that I have set for myself, only then will I allow myself to move on to the next. I know this may seem simple, and I have read about this over and over again in countless ���success��� books, but for someone like me it takes a lot of discipline.

So number one on�� my list right now is promoting my book. Easy decision – it���s already written and published – and I am really low on $$ for the rest. Though in all honestly – authors will relate here – being a writer with ideas I spend my time thinking and jotting down notes in my notebook that I carry around. Or in my phone, for that matter. Also, reading is a drug. There is no way I am going to bed at night without reading first! haha And my projects are already up and running, they will die if I neglect them.

A strict schedule is what I decided on. Not for the first time, but now it has gone to the point where I do not have a choice, and it���s fine because love what I do! If creating a scheduled and sticking to it is the hardest part of my every day, then I suppose my life ain���t so bad��� My life is actually pretty awesome!!!

Stick around for my schedule and updates on how I���m coping.

 

The post Scattered all over appeared first on Cathy Rafferty.

My Story

Everyone has had their share of good, and bad, relationships. Not everyone has gone from an extremely unhealthy and abusive relationship, to a healthy and almost perfect relationship.

I have. When I think of myself ten years ago, I see a projection of me. I recognize her, but I also know that she is someone else, someone who got lost along the way. The three and a half years spent in that relationship are a gap in my life. A filled gap, yes, and it certainly served its purpose.

When someone is living this kind of experience, he/she has a few decisions to make.

1-You decide to accept it and stay in what we call a pattern

2-You decide to leave the person you are with, but end up in a similar relationship, and again stay in the pattern

3-You decide to end it and never allow yourself to fall on with someone like that.

 Here are the positives and negatives of having been in an abusive relationship. I wrote having been because this text is about me who decided to end my relationship and never go through something like that again.

 Negatives:

-You lose yourself (sense of who you are, self confidence, independence, …);

-You lose people you love;

-You can end up alone, except for that abusive person you are with (live in isolation);

-You become physically and mentally unhealthy/sick (loss of weight, depression, …);

-Can be difficult to trust and fall in love again.

 Positives:

-You get to reinvent yourself;

-You DO come out of it stronger, once you have healed;

-You have a new and profound appreciation of life

-You can smell manipulators a mile ahead!!

 Now, here is my story.

 PART 1

 I was twenty one years old, working full time as a receptionist/hr consultant at an employment agency and attending University at night.

Then one day a very good looking, bad boy type man walks in for an interview. He’s twenty three and just came out of jail for break and entering. Now you would think that this is enough for me to stay away right? Well, no. Naïve, ignorant and wild me says yes to go on a date with him.

 I am not going to elaborate on every single detail of my relationship with him because I swear it would end up being bigger than an encyclopedia. So, in a few sentences, here’s what it was like.

 He never hit me, but very few were the days when he would not say mean and/or condescending words to me. Example: There’s this one time when I refused to do something with him because I had a lot of studying to do he just laughed and said ‘’You’re wasting your time, you’ll never be able to get a degree’’. Or, ‘’your skirt’s too short we can almost see your big butt’’.

 When I got a raise at my work, instead of congratulating me, he went on a violent rampage throwing stuff everywhere.

 When we got into an argument in the car, he would just kick me out of the car no matter where we were.

 He obsessively stared at every other woman, and repeatedly cheated on me.

 He would never hold my hand because he said it was cheesy and for old people.

 These are just a few examples. Mix them with the use of drugs, alcohol, clubbing, etc it’s no wonder I was on a skid row. I was losing my friends. My family was intensely disappointed. I dropped out of university.

 Why did I stick around? It’s hard to tell. I guess he was good at getting his grip on me, and I had a wild side that needing to come out and was being fed. Who knows, the reasons are never logical, really.

 PART 2

 One morning I woke up, stared at my reflection in the bathroom mirror and said to myself ‘ENOUGH!!! I am done with this! I know what I want out of life and this is definitely not it!’

 Only, getting rid of my then boyfriend was not that easy. I say ‘getting rid’, because, in the end that’s what it came down to. He did not accept me leaving him.

 He started harassing me. He would constantly call me or send emails, going from I love you and I can’t be without you, to you’re a bitch and I’ll set your house on fire and so on. I blocked him in my email accounts and changed my cell number. He started coming to my work and waiting for me in the parking lot. Staying parked in front of my house or just a little further down the street.

 He broke into my home in the middle of the night and physically fought with my dad, who was sleeping over because I had received the call earlier that day that he was out of prison and it was better not to stay alone for a while. It ended with a hole in my wall, an unhinged closet door, the flat screen in my driveway (he tried to throw in on my car) and the police.

 All this lasted for a while with me having to go to court many times, him being thrown in and out of jail, having the police repeatedly coming to my house and work.

 I had indefinite support and help from my brother and parents, for sure, but oddly enough an unlikely story started to unfold between my boss (who is now my husband) and I. A deep friendship between him and I was born out of my experience with my ex. Martin and I had been working together for two years and had and ordinary boss-employee relationship. I slowly started confiding in him more and more until it came to the point where we would spend a lot of time talking together about personal stuff. A deep trust settled between both of us. He was my rock through it all.

 Then about eight months after I left my ex I took a week’s vacation and that’s when we both realized that time spent apart (or not seeing each other every day of the week) was so hard. We spent our days sending each other emails or talking on the phone. When I came back to work the week after, it was done. One hug and the electricity was so intense!! So we started seeing each other outside of work from that point on.

 PART 3

 Now almost a decade later I am married to Martin, I have three beautiful children, and I am practically living my dream life! It took me some time to accept, or be comfortable, with Martin taking care of me because I brought to believe that I was maybe not worth it all. But he changed all that. He turned me into a real princess! Haha!

 He buys me flowers on his way back from the grocery store, not for any specific occasion, but simply because he loves me.

 Yes, he opens and holds doors for me, he has an umbrella ready when it’s raining, he holds my jacket while I slide it on, he always carries the bags, so on and so on.

 He is very attentive to my moods and feelings. If I’m angry he gives me my space. If I am crying he always offers his shoulder.

 I am not going to elaborate here because the list is endless. Thanks to him, I am a better person and will always want to become better every day.

  And now why I have a burning desire to share this with others. Simple enough.

 1-Too many women are in a dysfunctional and/or unhealthy relationship and they seem to close their eyes to what is right in front of them.

 2-Many women are stuck in a pattern. Maybe they are afraid that the grass cannot be greener on the other side.

 3-So many people will defend their reasons to stay in their present relationship even if the reasons to leave are bigger.

 4-I too often see behaviors from men that are like my ex’s. Ex, I’m at the shopping mall and a man who is walking with his wife and kids will slow down his pace so that his wife is not aware of him staring at me with his tongue hanging from his mouth. I find this kind of behavior disgusting and no woman should have to go through that or accept it.

 I know this might seem extreme, but I honestly think it’s where we are at nowadays. People get into relationships for all the wrong reasons and I am not sure everyone actually knows or experiences what deep love is, not giving themselves the chance to find out.

 Maybe I’m wrong. Possibly my observations are erroneous, though I am not so sure. What do you think?

The post My Story appeared first on Cathy Rafferty.

My Story

Everyone has had their share of good, and bad, relationships. Not everyone has gone from an extremely unhealthy and abusive relationship, to a healthy and almost perfect relationship.

I have. When I think of myself ten years ago, I see a projection of me. I recognize her, but I also know that she is someone else. Someone who got lost along the way. The three and a half years spent in that relationship are a gap in my life. A filled gap, yes, and it certainly served its purpose.

When someone is living this kind of experience, he/she has a few decisions to make.

1-You decide to accept it and stay in what we call a pattern

2-You decide to leave the person you are with, but end up in a similar relationship, and again stay in the pattern

3-You decide to end it and never allow yourself to fall on with someone like that.

 

Here are the positives and negatives of having been in an abusive relationship. I wrote having been because this text is about me who decided to end my relationship and never go through something like that again.

 

Negatives:

-You lose yourself (sense of who you are, self confidence, independence, …);

-You lose people you love;

-You can end up alone, except for that abusive person you are with (live in isolation);

-You become physically and mentally unhealthy/sick (loss of weight, depression, …);

-Can be difficult to trust and fall in love again.

 

Positives:

-You get to reinvent yourself;

-You DO come out of it stronger, once you have healed;

-You have a new and profound appreciation of life

-You can smell manipulators a mile ahead!!

 

Now, here is my story.

 

PART 1

 

I was twenty one years old, working full time as a receptionist/hr consultant at an employment agency and attending University at night.

Then one day a very good looking, bad boy type man walks in for an interview. He’s twenty three and just came out of jail for break and entering. Now you would think that this is enough for me to stay away right? Well, no. Naïve, ignorant and wild me says yes to go on a date with him.

 

I am not going to elaborate on every single detail of my relationship with him because I swear it would end up being bigger than an encyclopedia. So, in a few sentences, here’s what it was like.

 

He never hit me, but very few were the days when he would not say mean and/or condescending words to me. Example: There’s this one time when I refused to do something with him because I had a lot of studying to do he just laughed and said ‘You’re wasting your time, you’ll never be able to get a degree’. Or, your skirt’s too short, we can almost see your big butt.

 

When I got a raise at my work, instead of congratulating me, he went on a violent rampage throwing stuff everywhere.

 

When we got into an argument in the car, he would just kick me out of the car no matter where we were.

 

He obsessively stared at every other woman, and repeatedly cheated on me.

 

He would never hold my hand because he said it was cheesy and for old people.

 

These are just a few examples. Mix them with the use of drugs, alcohol, clubbing, etc it’s no wonder I was on a skid row. I was losing my friends. My family was intensely disappointed. I dropped out of university.

 

Why did I stick around? It’s hard to tell. I guess he was good at getting his grip on me, and I had a wild side that needing to come out and was being fed. Who knows, the reasons are never logical, really.

 

PART 2

 

One morning I woke up, stared at my reflection in the bathroom mirror and said to myself ‘ENOUGH!!! I am done with this! I know what I want out of life and this is definitely not it!’

 

Only, getting rid of my then boyfriend was not that easy. I say ‘getting rid’, because, in the end that’s what it came down to. He did not accept me leaving him.

 

He started harassing me. He would constantly call me or send emails, going from I love you and I can’t be without you, to you’re a bitch and I’ll set your house on fire and so on. I blocked him in my email accounts and changed my cell number. He started coming to my work and waiting for me in the parking lot. Staying parked in front of my house or just a little further down the street.

 

He broke into my home in the middle of the night and physically fought with my dad, who was sleeping over because I had received the call earlier that day that he was out of prison and it was better not to stay alone for a while. It ended with a hole in my wall, an unhinged closet door, the flat screen in my driveway (he tried to throw in on my car) and the police.

 

All this lasted for a while with me having to go to court many times, him being thrown in and out of jail, having the police repeatedly coming to my house and work.

 

I had indefinite support and help from my brother and parents, for sure, but oddly enough an unlikely story started to unfold between my boss (who is now my husband) and I. A deep friendship between him and I was born out of my experience with my ex. Martin and I had been working together for two years and had and ordinary boss-employee relationship,until

 

 

Sunday Morning

It is Sunday morning. It’s raining, it’s cold out, and everything looks gray. What a cozy way to start the most relaxing day of the week! It is still early so everyone is wearing their pajamas. My husband is napping with our two babies. My son is lying next to me on the couch watching a Dinosaurs documentary while I am writing.

I keep yawning and I have no inspiration this morning. This is probably due to the fact that I spent the better part of the night cuddling with my daughter, unsuccessfully getting her to sleep. So what else can I write about besides books? Nothing! Books are my passion!

Yesterday I finished reading Allegiant, which most of you know it’s the third book of the Divergent series written by Veronica Roth. I loved Divergent and Insurgent, and I have to say that Allegiant is my favorite. It is action packed with a surprise ending. I have read a lot of reviews in which many readers hated the way it ended. Honestly, I think Veronica really pulled it off nicely. I do not want to include any spoilers here, but let’s just say that not every author could finish a series this way and still make it a great ending.

Here are some of my favorite books from different genres:

– Emily Giffin and Candace Bushnell for chick-lit;

– Nora Roberts and Lisa Genova for fiction;

-Philippa Gregory for historical;

-Suzanne Collins, Caragh M. O’Brien and Catherine Fisher for dystopian;

-Orson Scott Card for science fiction;

– Richelle Mead and Kami Garcia for paranormal;

– Robert Jordan and Terry Goodkind for fantasy.

Some of my favourite books are :

-Mockingbird by Walter Tevis;

-The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho;

-The Crimson Petal and the White by Michel Faber

This is just to list a few.

Finally, my all time favourite… Stephen King!!! I could write a whole blog just about his books and it would not be enough!

Maybe I will some time.

Happy reading!

Inspired by all the commotion Fifty Shades of Grey is creating

These past few days all I seem to be reading and hearing about is Fifty Shades of Grey, and every time I refrain myself to commenting. I have not seen the movie, I only read the first book, but it was enough for me to have an opinion that I seem to be sharing with […]

The post Inspired by all the commotion Fifty Shades of Grey is creating appeared first on Cathy Rafferty.

Inspired by all the commotion Fifty Shades of Grey is creating

These past few days all I seem to be reading and hearing about is Fifty Shades of Grey, and every time I refrain myself to commenting. I have not seen the movie, I only read the first book, but it was enough for me to have an opinion that I seem to be sharing with […]

The post Inspired by all the commotion Fifty Shades of Grey is creating appeared first on Cathy Rafferty.

The Canadian Women's Foundation

Hello everyone!
This is a short first post simply to say hi to everyone and also to announce that some of the profits from my first book I Am Not A Barbie will go to the Canadian Women's Foundation.
For those who already know me, you knew it was inevitable!
There is till so much more to come!

I Am Not A Barbie!

Hello everybody! I hope you all had a lot of fun during the holidays and that you enjoyed quality time with your families and friends! I am happy to announce that my book I Am Not A Barbie is finally published, and I am already getting great feedback!! Yay!! You can find it on Amazon […]

The post I Am Not A Barbie! appeared first on Cathy Rafferty.