Whitney Gaskell's Blog, page 3

Arts and Crafts

Sam brought this home from school yesterday.

It’s some sort of weird turkey-fake-flower hybrid thing, and I freaking love it. It’s going to live on my kitchen table for at least the next three days. Maybe even four.

I’m particularly pleased with the fact that it was created at school, which is where I firmly believe all arts-and-crafts projects belong. Especially at the holidays.

This is the time of year when there are a bazillion blog posts, Pinterest boards and Instagram feeds suggesting arts-and-crafts projects to keep your children busy while you’re slaving over a multi-course dinner for ten. You know what’s also good for that? An amazing little invention called the television. Which, bonus, doesn’t mess up your kitchen.

And if it’s not bad enough that you’re supposed to encourage your child to dip his hands in paint, and make hand-print turkeys, while you’re distracted by baking three different kinds of pies – yeah, that’s a plan that’s never gone awry – now the adults are getting in on it, too.

I saw a post on Apartment Therapy the other day on 30 Last Minute DIY Projects for Thanksgiving Dinner, the most insane of which was Thanksgiving Photo and Geometric Hand Stamped Napkins.

My first thought: The people who attempt this shit either don’t have jobs, don’t have children, don’t sleep, or have raging cocaine habits.

My second thought: If past dinner parties are any indication, by the time we actually sat down to dinner, my friends would be too drunk to notice that their napkins had been lovingly and painstakingly hand stamped. I could hand around a roll of paper towels and instruct everyone to tear off a sheet, and they’d be happy as can be, just as long as the wine doesn’t run out.

Third thought: My Last Minute DIY Project for Thanksgiving Dinner is called Cooking the Thanksgiving Dinner.

Maybe the overachievers are getting in practice for their upcoming Elf on the Shelf shenanigans. Sickos.

Heard Around The House, Part 81

Me: Please be careful.

George: What?

Me: You keep waving your mug around while you talk. And if you spill coffee on our brand new comforter, I’m going to have to cut off one of your fingers.

George: That might be a slight overreaction to spilled coffee.

Me: Really? Huh. Maybe I’ve been watching too much Game of Thrones lately, because that seemed fairly mild.

 

Heard Around The House, Part 80

Me: Why does Sam keep stealing my pillow?

George: He said having your pillow with him makes him go to sleep easier.

Me: Ohhhh.

George: Yeah, it was pretty cute.

Me: So cute.

George: Where are you going?

Me: Where do you think? I’m going to go get my pillow back.

Technical Difficulties

 

I’ve been having ongoing website issues for the past few months, including the mysterious disappearance of every single blog post I’ve ever written.

My webmaster, aka George, assures me that he is close to resolving the problems, and the blog posts will eventually return. At some point. Maybe.

In the meantime, I will bravely and heroically blog on.

The Art of Procrastination, November 20

Good stuff from around the web.

There’s nothing about this house that I don’t like.

Beetlejuice 2?  Nah.  I’d rather see what Leleina is is up to 20 years on.

Awesome, awesome video on how to peel garlic in 10 seconds.

Adorable before-and-after photo of a refurnished night stand.  If I wasn’t laid up with bronchitis, I’d almost be inspired to get to work on the thrift store chair I’ve been meaning to paint.  But I am.  So I won’t.

Dog Shaming . . . a most excellent pursuit.  I’d give it a try, but our Zoe is pretty shameless.

 

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Table for Seven Readers Guide

Thanks for your interest in a TABLE FOR SEVEN Reader’s Guide!

Click here for the guide.

If your book club is reading TABLE FOR SEVEN, please let me know. I love joining book club discussions, and would be happy to chat with your group if the time and date works out!

I Scream, You Scream

I took my son and his friend to the movies today. We saw Percy Jackson and the Sea of Young Hollywood Stars with Six Packs.

Or something like that. I spent most of the movie coveting the heroine’s extensive Lululemon wardrobe, so I might have missed a few salient plot points.



I cunningly distracted the boys from the expensive concession stand offerings by promising post-movie ice cream. But when it came time to dish up the promised ice cream, I noticed something was missing from the carton label . . . specifically, the words ICE CREAM.







The carton I bought wasn’t labeled ice cream at all, but instead Frozen Dairy Dessert. What the hell does that even mean? How exactly does ice cream drop the cream, and gain the frozen dairy dessert title? Does it mean it was mass produced in a third world frozen dairy dessert sweat shop?



This didn’t stop me from serving it up to the boys, of course. A promise is a promise, and an $8 bag of popcorn is always worth avoiding. I’ll watch for side effects over the next few days, and report back.

Love and Marriage

A 91-year-old woman asked me to reach a half-gallon of milk for her at the grocery store.

Me: Sure! Here you go.

Her: Thank you so much. And you are so beautiful!

Me: That’s so nice! Do you want to be my adopted grandmother?

Her: Can I give you a word of advice?

Me: Umm, ok.

Her: Stay away from men.

Me: Haha! It’s a little late for that. I’ve been married for 14 years.

Her: [face falls] Oh, no.

Me: I’m afraid so.

Her: That’s too bad.

Me: No, really. It’s all good.

Her: I was married for 47 years. He gone now. Passed away.

Me: Oh, I’m so sorry.

Her: [shrugs dismissively] Yeah, well, what are you going to do? Anyway, thanks for the milk.

The Art of Procrastination, May 24

Good stuff from around the web.

The main draw of the French Open begins Sunday. Allez, Roger!

50 Life Hacks to Simplify Your World. Worth reading for the Ninja Fold alone.

I love beachy summer whites, no matter how impractical they are when you have a child and a dog. And a husband. Also, would anyone in the greater Stuart area mind if I build one of these on St. Lucia beach?

I just put Brief Encounter and season 7 of Entourage in my Netflix queue, which makes perfect sense to me, but probably confused the hell out of their computer generated recommendations.