Kyle Michel Sullivan's Blog: https://www.myirishnovel.com/, page 52

Chipping away at the marble...

I've worked most of the day on reconfiguring two chapters of APoS-NWFO into something that moves the story forward. And it's beginning to seem like it's working. I have more to do, on it, but  I'm starting to see the reason for this being where it is and how it affects Brendan.

First off, the B-girls have an almost comedic chapter where they're making Brendan over into someone they don't mind being seen with. New clothes and such, and collapsing into their little arguments.

Then comes Scott, who Brendan is unsure about, thanks to a trick he tried to pull in an attempt to get Brendan into trouble. But throwing Jeremy into the mix, for a bit, helped leaven things, a bit. And they seems to settle down till the serial killing crash into the news.

Scott's fixated on them and spouting off comments to Brendan, who never really responds. He knows how easy it is for a friend to become an enemy, but does what happened in Derry really equate to what happened with Dean Corll and 27 boys, in Houston? Derry has centuries of history behind her explosion of anger and hate, so does it really equate to what Elmer Wayne Henley and David Brooks did to kids they'd known for years, if not all their lives?

I seem to be aiming for something here to equate the two but haven't quite grasped it, yet. I'm reminded of a quote from Jean Renoir's The Rules of the Game -- The awful thing about life is this: everybody has their reasons.

Maybe that's all this section is about. Brendan accepting that there is no explanation for anything, really. Shit just happens.

The B-girls

Major rearranging going on the story, today. Brendan is still getting used to dealing with his Aunt Mari's two daughters, Brandi and Bernadette, who were born 10 months apart but look like twins and like to pretend to be each other. Brendan can't tell them apart so refers to them as the B-girls.

They have decided Brendan looks more like the brother of Jeremy, who's Jewish, than a part of the Irish family. Since they grow argumentative and gang up on anyone contradicting them, Brendan goes along with their nonsense in order to have even a modicum of peace.

This is in chapter ten, at a cookout Uncle Sean sets up as a going-away party for Jeremy, who's heading off to a kibbutz in Israel. He lives just a few doors down, and Brendan finally meets his parents and brothers. 

-------

The B-girls kept the Landaus busy with their usual interrogations. Which was odd because this was not the first time they'd met the son's wives.But I think some of their conversation had to do with seeking a consensus over me, for I overheard Brandi (I think) ask Mr. Landau, "Doesn't Bren look like one of your kids?" 

He laughed and looked at me and said, "Only in a very superficial way. None of my family's in Ireland." 

At which point Bernadette sneered at her sister and said, "I told you he'd say that." 

"No," the other sniped back, "you said he'd say he wasn't. But that's not what he said." 

"It's a nice way of saying he's not." 

"No, it isn't. It's a careful way of saying it's possible." 

"Oh, now you're being stupid." 

"Not as stupid as you." 

And off they went to argue.

Mr. Landau and I exchanged shrugs then he came over to me and asked, "How's your ribs doing?" 

Which brought a flash of-- 

The man lifting my right arm and pressing his fingers down my side as I whimpered, and him saying, "They're set well, but his arm should still be in a cast. Make sure it heals right." 

I coughed, unable to remember if it was or not, and said, "I'll live." 

He'd just nodded and turned back to his wife. 

Jeremy noticed just as he bit into a corn on the cob so cast me a wink. I just went to sit in a chair and eat.

I left for The Colonel's before his sister, Rachel, came. As did Scott, to work at Liam's Trough. So the next day, the B-girls insisted they fill me in on the rest of the evening. 

"She showed up after dark," Said Bernadette (I think). 

"The ugliest skirt and blouse I've ever seen," said the other. 

"Rough knitting over some kind of linen." 

"More like burlap." At which they nodded to each other. 

"She seemed upset that Scott was gone," said Brandi. Maybe. 

"You think she likes him?" asked the other, not really accepting the thought. "She's older than he is." 

"Not all that much." 

"But girls mature faster than boys. So he ought to be older than her, so they can be even." 

"You mean like mommy and daddy?" 

"Yeah. Kind of." 

I'd just made a meal from all the food left from the day before and was lazing on a float in the pool, the plate balanced on my belly, doing my best to maintain my non-listening mode. The blanket of the heat of the day and the fact those two didn't show till near three helped me ignore their chattering. Until-- 

"Did you put on Coppertone?" asked Bernadette. Maybe. And her voice was sharp with wariness. 

"The real strong stuff," said the other, just as clipped. 

"You got skin like us." 

"Too delicate for a boy." 

That gave me a bit of a jolt and I snapped, "What's that supposed to mean?" 

"Your neck's already burned." 

"And arms." 

"You need to put this on, all the time." She held up a plastic bottle of the stuff, and I could smell the cocoa-butter from halfway across the pool."You didn't have burns like that when you came here." 

"Isn't there any sun in Ireland?" 

All I could do is roll my eyes and say, "No. It's all rain and cloud." 

But to shut them up, I returned to shore, sat on the side, still nibbling at my plate, and let them smear it on my back. At least it kept them focused on doing it just right, while asking me no questions. I did my legs and front, myself. 

The only positive thing about their chattering was how it kept my mind busy. So while the sudden flashes of memory still continued, they grew fewer and fewer with little effort on my part. I also began to regain some of the weight I’d lost to the point I felt good enough to walk home after work.

Eating out...

I think I'm going to start living off frozen dinners and the occasional meal I make for myself. I worked till 5pm, today, so decided to have ribs at Chili's before heading home. Got chips and salsa...for $7. Decided to be all healthy and substituted a salad for the fries, for a buck extra. Asked to have it served first; got served with the meal. By the time I was settling into the ribs, I wasn't hungry, anymore. So I brought them home.

That meal-for-one cost me $40, and no beer; just a soda. Three tacos and a drink, yesterday, cost $12 at Taco Bell. An enchilada dinner at the one halfway decent Mexican food restaurant in this city is $30, without a beer. I can make my own meals in the timeframe I want, even using a microwave, in less time than it takes me to even get to the damn restaurant.

I'm not good at cooking steaks; they always come out tough. But I can make a pot roast that falls apart in your mouth and tastes better than anything at Applebee's. So I'm staying in, from now on.

Which is a good thing. It'll help me focus on APoS-NWFO and the massive rewriting I'm undertaking. Looks like I'm cutting three pages of chapters 10 and 11. Maybe more.

This section has Brendan and Scott in the pool a few days before Scott leaves for UT-Austin, talking about Corll and Henley and Brooks, and how they were killing kids they'd known all their lives, and when it becomes too intense for Brendan to remember, he dips into the pool and holds his breath as long as he can.

When Scott learns Brendan's never been to a gay bar, he all but drags him to one in the Montrose area of Houston...and almost winds up being taken advantage of. But Brendan has no trouble making friends with a guy names Everett, who becomes an important part of the whole story, and they protect Scott.

But this solidifies Brendan's belief his cousin is an immature brat and not one to be trusted.

Panic passed by...

Turned out there is a switch somewhere deep in my HD controls that must be on for my files to show up on my desktop. Somehow, I have no idea how and neither did Cameron, the tech guy I was dealing with at the Apple store, but that switch turned off. Once he turned it back on, everything appeared on my desktop. I could have kissed him...

...And actually would not have minded doing that. He was adorable.

So...all I had to do was shut down everything, reboot, and my sync was back in regular mode. He thinks it might have been a glitch in the Cloud...maybe...but honestly has no explanation. And I know it wasn't me because I didn't even know the damn thing existed, and I wouldn't be able to find it, again, I'm sure.

One good thing about this chaotic series of events? I realized Brendan wouldn't give a shit about the Houston mass murders or try to figure out why they happened. He's still getting himself back to normal after his mental disconnect and has dealt with just as bad in Derry. He knows that even with close friends, something can happen to make you willing to hurt people you've known for years.

Like with Billy, his Protestant mate. Brendan caught him helping get piles of stones and cudgels ready to attack marchers at Burntollet Bridge in January 1969. He knew Brendan's brother, Eamonn, was on the march but was still there handing out tea with a smile, and may have helped send Eamonn to the hospital.

Same for Colm and Paidrig, both of them Brendan's friends for years. Colm oversaw Paidrig being punished for a minimal slight, on orders from PIRA...and Danny kept Brendan from trying to stop it.

So Brendan would already know--people will turn against each other in a heartbeat, if they feel it's right. It would be Scott all worrying about it and Brendan shaking his head at Scott's innocence. No wonder I couldn't get it to sit right.

Which means a good amount of work is getting cut...as usual...

Book fair exhibition...

APoS-Derry is going to be at the London Book Fair 12-14 March , at Olympia Hall. I bit the bullet and paid to have it shown there along with other books the The Reading Glass Book Shop is taking. I now have to get 10 copies to them, so we'll see how it goes. 

It almost didn't happen. While I was setting everything up with them, my Mac email suddenly stopped working and all of my files vanished. Completely. I managed to finish with RGB using my gmail then spent hours trying to figure out where everything went. It was like I'd signed out from the server, but could not figure out if that was the issue or how to sign back in.

To say I freaked would be an understatement. I tried clicking on files in my Recents link and got an error message that the file was unavailable. I'd lost all the work I'd done on APoS-Houston, this month. 300+ pages. Not to mention all the files of APoS-Derry.

I did the whole reboot. Then full shut down and start, again. And found it was only the Mac parts of the laptop that were having issues. I could still get gmail and the Caladex emails, but Mac was silent except to tell me it wasn't syncing, and it was even affecting my phone.

I called Apple Support, since my MacBook Air is still under warranty, and got cut off three times. So finally I shut everything down and headed over to the Apple store to see if someone there might have an idea of what the issue could be. No luck; they were just as confused. I have an appointment in the morning with one of their tech folk, so we'll see what happens.

Now here's where it gets weird. Once the laptop was shut down and in my satchel, my phone suddenly went back in sync, totally. That made me wonder if it was a Mac problem. What added to my certainty was, when I got home and opened the laptop up to deal with some work emails...a sub-folder appeared in iCloud Drive, labeled Desktop. My desktop link still had nothing on it. The Recents link still had the error messages. But that Desktop folder had everything in it!

I plugged in my external hard drive and saved it all. I'm still keeping the appointment. I want to know WTF happened.

Advertising APoS-Derry

I don't know if I'm doing this right, but I bought postings through an influencer, of sorts, to see what can happen. Here's a sample of what got put up, along with links to many others:

“ 5* Books “

https://www.pinterest.co.uk/pin/641411171956660568/

“Totally Books”
https://www.pinterest.co.uk/pin/641411171956660577/

“#littleverything “
https://www.pinterest.co.uk/pin/641411171956660553

“Mustread”
https://www.pinterest.co.uk/pin/641411171956660558/

YOUR TWITTER POST
https://twitter.com/tinasbookpromos/status/1751930251599298787

YOUR INSTAGRAM POST
https://www.instagram.com/p/C2rroFGMSnd/

MY FACEBOOK PAGE LINK WHERE YOU CAN SEE YOUR FACEBOOK POST
https://www.facebook.com/gobookcrazy/

I'm also considering buying a display slot at the London Book Fair, in March, as well as contemplating buying a review from Kirkus Reviews , but need to look into that, more.
The thing is, I want APoS-Derry to get noticed and I don't have the power of a mainstream publisher to get it out there. So I'll have to sink some money into it. Question is, how much can I afford?
Not a lot. But after working on this book for more than 20 years, it may be what's called for.

Leapfrog...

I moved on to the next chapter in APoS-NWFO and have gotten to about halfway through this rewrite. Brendan's bought his Montessa, and his attitude has geared more to Whatever happens happens. His Aunt and Uncle aren't pleased about it, but he doesn't care.

I noticed I've lost contact with his family's goings-on in Derry. He'd been reading letters sent to Aunt Mari by Mairead, who was quietly letting Bren know about what was happening -- Eamonn arrested for arms smuggling; Ma allowing a phone to be installed so she can get calls from Eamonn; updates on Rhuari, Maeve and Kieran; dealing with ways for Mai to pay for it without going with the Royal Mail; those kinds of things.

At the moment, since there's tension between him and his aunt it's understandable he doesn't get access to the letters she receives. He's feeling more and more like a prisoner rather than a relative who's visiting, but he doesn't know how to go about finding out the complete truth of his situation.

I halfway think it should be explained to him by Aunt Mari...explicit and in more depth. He knows enough to keep casual and he's already been on the stand-offish side so doesn't tell people much about himself. The closest he's come to opening up is to Everett, a gay man he met at that gay bar, and who helped him and Scott out of a bad situation...and then only said as much as was needed.

It does still feel a bit on the superficial side, but this is getting me back in touch with the full story. I'm nowhere near done with it, yet...but soon enough.

FWIW, I got two email notices today--Avis did not find my keys and Ingram has printed the copies of APoS-Derry I'd ordered and will ship them out, tomorrow. How nice.

At a loss...

I cooked, today. Could not face my laptop except to scan the internet, see the bullshit out there and decide to hide from it, for a while. Baked a bell pepper stuffed with ground beef marinated in teriyaki sauce, a potato, and carrots, for dinner. Also made potato soup, but with bacon instead of my usual ham, and puréed it in my Rocket Blender. All was fine but nothing spectacular.

I'm having trouble with the whole existentialistic argument Brendan is having with himself, in NWFO. I can't get it to make sense in my head. It's too arbitrary, to me. And yet...it's not. I'm going to have to let it sit till I can figure out what's going on with it.

Especially since the next chapter is Scott taking Brendan to a gay bar for fun, meeting Everett and nearly getting into a shitload of trouble. There's a hint that's exactly what Scott is trying to do. He's angry that Brendan was given the pool house to live in instead of him.

So maybe it's too early for Brendan to be having this conversation with himself. Or would that be what gets him to agree to go, even though he's underage for drinking and would cause a huge mess if he got caught? I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know!

And I hate it that I don't know.

Venting, again...

The older I get the more irritated I become when companies bullshit me. Avis' crap was bad enough, for this week, but I'm also getting the run-around from Ingram. I placed an order for 3 copies of APoS-Derry back on January 3rd and told them to override the actual publication date of January 16th to get them to me ASAP. They're still in progress. And Ingram is using the winter storm as their excuse.

Thing is, I also ordered a copy through B&N to make sure it turns out good when going through their system. Same for Amazon. I do that for all my books. It's expensive but makes me feel better. I had one occasion, I think with Carli's Kills, where the copy that I got from Amazon was so bad I made Ingram reset everything.

Anyway, I placed the order with B&N on the 17th and got that book day before yesterday. A week later. Yet all I'm getting from Ingram is a big shrug of an explanation.

I was in the office, today, and heard one of the people I work with having a lovely back and forth with United Airline's Freight division, trying to get them to correct the customs entry for a 5 pallet shipment coming in from the UK. They'd entered only 1 pallet as arriving. Can't clear Customs into the US or anywhere unless everything on the airway bill and manifest matches what's being on-handed at the receiving end.

My associate was having a hell of a time getting them to understand that. While this did not happen to me, it fed into a darkening mood I was building about the stupidity of people, in general. Which, TBH, started last night after too much back and forth with some MAGAts who thought I'd let them argue with me indefinitely.

Which led me into not sleeping well. And today I was handling some foreign book dealers...who've been exhibiting at book fairs in the US for years but still cannot understand import/export requirements. Or even how to add. For example--never in the history of mathematics has 27+50=74.

I was done with my part at 4pm so headed out, bought some groceries and visited the bank, and through the evening my mood just got darker and darker...to the point I couldn't even figure out what to do about dinner, I was so out of it. I wound up having some cold pizza at home. Pizza with a chewy crust. That is not right. But then nor is making pepperoni with chicken, like Red Baron does.

So no writing done. Just moping and telling one of the more insistent voices in my head that I hated it. It's always suggesting I do this instead of that or vice-versa, then laughing at me when I follow its suggestion and it turns out wrong.

And if that doesn't sound psychotic of me, yet, just you wait...

Shit happens, I guess...

Still locked on Brendan's existentialistic freak out over nearly being taken to Dean Corll's house to be raped and killed. He's connecting it to how similar the arbitrariness of the murders compares to the Troubles in Derry. A boy goes out to a party with friends and never comes home. Someone goes to a bar for a pint and their life is over. Be it by a bomb, paramilitary group taking them out, or like his father, who was killed for the fun of it.
This image is from Nigel Rolfe's Lament, 1992, intended as a donation to the city and her people through a whole series of performance and installation works.

What I have written is still pretty messy and all over the place, like his thoughts are. It needs to be clearer and more succinct for the reader to at least begin to follow. The rest of the book will be reflecting this sudden shift in his...in his psyche? Does it really fit with that?

Something else that popped up is how the B-girls, Bernadette and Brandi, pretty much ignore the major news about the mass murder in Houston...except to suggest those boys were killed because they were poor and not very smart. Brendan quickly shuts them down with a snarl of "Don't." I don't know where that came from, but it fits those self-involved princesses.

Also in the world of shit happens, I took my last trip out to Avis at the Buffalo Airport...and learned that SUV I'd turned in was rented one-way to La Guardia. The day after I turned it in. It was never being returned to BUF. I was supposed to file a claim with the Avis at LGA to get the car searched, not with BUF. And no one bothered to mention this to me till today. Plus, they were really surprised their manager hadn't responded to me...in the last 9 fucking days of me trying to contact him.

I managed to keep myself calm and leave. But I think I may shift my rentals away from them. I only use Avis because Caladex has a business account with them. I'm going into the office, tomorrow, and may suggest we also get one set up with Enterprise.