Kyle Michel Sullivan's Blog: https://www.myirishnovel.com/, page 227
May 4, 2015
Down to the last 12 pages...
I think I finally have a handle on making MFD a solid script ready to show. It has to do with taking everyday items and making them dangerous even as I keep building the complications. What's going to be fun is tying it all together at the end. In a marina on The Thames under the flight path of an airport in the middle of the night with no cover and a Mexican standoff happening under the glare of CCTV cameras with only one way out of the place as the cops approach and a secretive killer is out to make a hash of everyone else with two innocents and Ben caught in the middle.
Not asking for much, am I? But if I can pull this off...
What's especially interesting is how an old lady who worked at Sam Houston Book Shop in Houston, when I did, gave me the clue. Lois. She was only about five-foot tall and silver haired. Always in a dress, never pants, never a skirt and blouse, and she walked a bit like a drunken sailor. She died years ago, and I hadn't seen her since 1992, but she's locked into my brain. An old Texas woman, no guff to her, didn't take crap off nobody, working part time to bring in money because her son suffered a stroke while being audited by the IRS for his former partner's business dealings and he was living with her, on disability. Hers was a rough story.
She reminded me a bit of my Texas grandmother, though Nana was five-nine...five ten in her nursing shoes. And her hair was white and fine, and she loved to wear slacks. My youngest niece looks so much like her, it's scary.
Anyway, Lois would come to work, take care of the fiction paperbacks -- restocking, reordering, going over new book offers, returning those that didn't sell -- and make a cup of tea. In a mug. with an immersible heating coil. I was at that store seven years and that coil worked non-stop for six of them. And that gave me the link.
I have a scene where a knife is used to torture a man...and I thought, that's typical and tedious. What could be more interesting? Hmm...burn him with an immersible heating coil. Because those suckers boil water. Fast. My scary flights of fantasy took off from there.
Do I make you nervous, now?
Not asking for much, am I? But if I can pull this off...
What's especially interesting is how an old lady who worked at Sam Houston Book Shop in Houston, when I did, gave me the clue. Lois. She was only about five-foot tall and silver haired. Always in a dress, never pants, never a skirt and blouse, and she walked a bit like a drunken sailor. She died years ago, and I hadn't seen her since 1992, but she's locked into my brain. An old Texas woman, no guff to her, didn't take crap off nobody, working part time to bring in money because her son suffered a stroke while being audited by the IRS for his former partner's business dealings and he was living with her, on disability. Hers was a rough story.
She reminded me a bit of my Texas grandmother, though Nana was five-nine...five ten in her nursing shoes. And her hair was white and fine, and she loved to wear slacks. My youngest niece looks so much like her, it's scary.
Anyway, Lois would come to work, take care of the fiction paperbacks -- restocking, reordering, going over new book offers, returning those that didn't sell -- and make a cup of tea. In a mug. with an immersible heating coil. I was at that store seven years and that coil worked non-stop for six of them. And that gave me the link.
I have a scene where a knife is used to torture a man...and I thought, that's typical and tedious. What could be more interesting? Hmm...burn him with an immersible heating coil. Because those suckers boil water. Fast. My scary flights of fantasy took off from there.
Do I make you nervous, now?
May 3, 2015
Flyin' high...
I just got a kick-ass review of The Lyons' Den on Saguaro Moon Reviews! The reviewer got what the story's about. I don't yap about it because I wasn't sure I succeeded; I just thought I'd had fun with it. But there it is. Maybe I do know what I'm doing...for now. I'm sure I'll drop back to self-deprecation mode in about 23 hours.
That said...I'm finding my way down to a meaning for Marked For Death. I've bounced a number off the back of my brain, but as I was going through a hardcopy of what I've got, so far, a new idea began to build.
The first one to come up was, "The sins of the father are visited on the son." Which I didn't really go for; Ben's got a great relationship with his parents, so that doesn't fit such a narrative. I thought maybe I could have it turn out that Forrier is NOT such a great guy, that it's all in Ben's memory of him. But that bothers me...not so much because of the reversal and betrayal behind it all, but because then Ben would be seen as backing away from wanting to die because he's lost respect for his father. And that is just wrong for him. He needs to make the decision without external forces forcing him into it.
So another one popped up, "You cannot run away from yourself." Which is a bit too New-Age-y-Pop-Psych for my taste. Besides, Ben's not running away; he's confronted the reality of his life and wants to die...just not without meaning.
I think what it's boiling down to is..."Where there's hope, there's life." A quote from Anne Frank, but it fits Ben's case. He feels dead and wants to end the last vestiges of awareness...until he meets Aurelia. It came out of something he says to her, near the end of act 2 -- "In you, I see life, again." Not love. Not desire. Not even hope, really. He senses what could be a future...and even, maybe, some happiness. A reason to keep on going, even while still remembering...
Hmm...is that what it really is all about?
That said...I'm finding my way down to a meaning for Marked For Death. I've bounced a number off the back of my brain, but as I was going through a hardcopy of what I've got, so far, a new idea began to build.
The first one to come up was, "The sins of the father are visited on the son." Which I didn't really go for; Ben's got a great relationship with his parents, so that doesn't fit such a narrative. I thought maybe I could have it turn out that Forrier is NOT such a great guy, that it's all in Ben's memory of him. But that bothers me...not so much because of the reversal and betrayal behind it all, but because then Ben would be seen as backing away from wanting to die because he's lost respect for his father. And that is just wrong for him. He needs to make the decision without external forces forcing him into it.
So another one popped up, "You cannot run away from yourself." Which is a bit too New-Age-y-Pop-Psych for my taste. Besides, Ben's not running away; he's confronted the reality of his life and wants to die...just not without meaning.
I think what it's boiling down to is..."Where there's hope, there's life." A quote from Anne Frank, but it fits Ben's case. He feels dead and wants to end the last vestiges of awareness...until he meets Aurelia. It came out of something he says to her, near the end of act 2 -- "In you, I see life, again." Not love. Not desire. Not even hope, really. He senses what could be a future...and even, maybe, some happiness. A reason to keep on going, even while still remembering...
Hmm...is that what it really is all about?
May 2, 2015
Kinetic Sand...too damn cool...
This is a magical interactive glass sphere installation...
Sable cinetique -- bonus jonglage dans le Palais de la Découverte
Tres, tres cool et tres, tres chic...
Sable cinetique -- bonus jonglage dans le Palais de la Découverte
Tres, tres cool et tres, tres chic...
"Hyena"
This is a British crime film from last year, supposedly in the vein of Bad Lieutenant, that I think I need to see. About a semi-crooked cop and the Albanian/Turk criminals he's trying to bring down...if they don't get him, first. It's just getting released in the US, and I doubt it'll go much outside LA and NYC...so when I can get it, I will. I think it'll help me with Marked For Death.
I've begun to wonder if MFD is too soft, story-wise. It's Ben's story and he's out for revenge, but I don't think I've taken it quite as far as it need to go. The way it is, now, he's dealing with a drug kingpin...and that seems trite. But it got me to wondering what the story's about...and I honestly can't say.
There's my usual "revenge destroys the innocent as well as the guilty" part to it, but that's not the core of the story. There's the idea that the sins of the father are visited on the son, but that doesn't fit in with Ben and his Da. I could change that, but then what's it about?
An idea that's beginning to wriggle its way out of the dirt is, something to do with redemption. But what that is or how it fits in, I have no idea. So far, I'm just having fun with drones and posturing. Not the best way to build a movie...especially when it takes nearly 6 pages to explain everything at the end. Doesn't matter how much you cut it up, that's deadly boring.
Of course, I could be overdoing the self-criticism and holding the story to a ludicrous standard. I've done that before...way more than once. So what's the story's story, Kyle? What're you trying to say?
Damned if I know.
I've begun to wonder if MFD is too soft, story-wise. It's Ben's story and he's out for revenge, but I don't think I've taken it quite as far as it need to go. The way it is, now, he's dealing with a drug kingpin...and that seems trite. But it got me to wondering what the story's about...and I honestly can't say.
There's my usual "revenge destroys the innocent as well as the guilty" part to it, but that's not the core of the story. There's the idea that the sins of the father are visited on the son, but that doesn't fit in with Ben and his Da. I could change that, but then what's it about?
An idea that's beginning to wriggle its way out of the dirt is, something to do with redemption. But what that is or how it fits in, I have no idea. So far, I'm just having fun with drones and posturing. Not the best way to build a movie...especially when it takes nearly 6 pages to explain everything at the end. Doesn't matter how much you cut it up, that's deadly boring.
Of course, I could be overdoing the self-criticism and holding the story to a ludicrous standard. I've done that before...way more than once. So what's the story's story, Kyle? What're you trying to say?
Damned if I know.
May 1, 2015
The greatest brain ever...
(Belonged to) John von Neumann (December 28, 1903 – February 8, 1957) ... a Hungarian and later American pure and applied mathematician, physicist, inventor,polymath, and polyglot. He made major contributions to a number of fields,[3] including mathematics (foundations of mathematics, functional analysis, ergodic theory,geometry, topology, and numerical analysis), physics (quantum mechanics, hydrodynamics, and fluid dynamics), economics (game theory), computing (Von Neumann architecture, linear programming, self-replicating machines, stochastic computing), and statistics.[4] He was a pioneer of the application of operator theory to quantum mechanics, in the development of functional analysis, a principal member of the Manhattan Project and the Institute for Advanced Study in Princeton (as one of the few originally appointed), and a key figure in the development of game theory[3][5] and the concepts of cellular automata,[3] the universal constructor, and the digital computer.Von Neumann's mathematical analysis of the structure of self-replication preceded the discovery of the structure of DNA.[6] In a short list of facts about his life he submitted to the National Academy of Sciences, he stated "The part of my work I consider most essential is that on quantum mechanics, which developed in Göttingen in 1926, and subsequently in Berlin in 1927–1929. Also, my work on various forms of operator theory, Berlin 1930 and Princeton 1935–1939; on the ergodic theorem, Princeton, 1931–1932." Along with Hungarian-born American theoretical physicist Edward Teller and Polish mathematician Stanislaw Ulam, von Neumann worked out key steps in the nuclear physics involved in thermonuclear reactions and the hydrogen bomb.
Von Neumann wrote 150 published papers in his life; 60 in pure mathematics, 20 in physics, and 60 in applied mathematics. His last work, an unfinished manuscript written while in the hospital and later published in book form as The Computer and the Brain, gives an indication of the direction of his interests at the time of his death.
There's a lot more to this, and if you link to Wikipedia you'll see I stole these three paragraphs and the photo from them. But this is just too fascinating not to share. I'd never even heard of him, before, but someone said he probably had the greatest brain since Da Vinci, if not greater, and off I went in research.
A gentle thought to end the week...
April 30, 2015
Sixth Part of MFD
EXT. ST. CLEMEN’S COLLEGE - DAY
Ben spies Aurelia seated with Fatiha on a shaded bench.
He heads for them, like a shark -- notices --
A burly man in sunglasses close by -- BODYGUARD #1.
Ben shifts to bumbling mode.
BEN
(French accent)
Aurelia! You take le déjeuner?
The girls look around, startled.
AURELIA
Uh, yeah. We’re almost done. Uh, Laurent, this my friend, Fatiha.
FATIHA
BonJOUR, monSIEUR ...
Ben walks past the girls. Bodyguard #1’s eyes stay on him.
BEN
Bonjour, mademoiselle; I am called Lorie. I do not mean for to intrude on you. I go to class in just one moment. We can meet later?
AURELIA
I ... uh, have a lab. Starts at three and goes for ...
FATIHA
I’d love to!
Aurelia eyes her. Fatiha smiles back.
AURELIA
But my ... lab can wait. Where shall we meet?
BEN
The shop where I spill your coffee? I am done with all classes by four.
FATIHA
Four-thirty’d be perfect.
BEN
Then it is done. Until then!
Ben jaunts away. Fatiha leans over to Aurelia.
FATIHA
You don’t have to come, you know.
Aurelia glares at her. Bodyguard #1 makes a note -- Laurent.
EXT. MARINA - DAY
Glyde parks near the boat locks. He sees Legion atop one, looking at The Thames. He strides over. Jets take off from London City Airport.
GLYDE
What do I call you?
LEGION
Here, my name is Legion.
GLYDE
How’d you get my number?
LEGION
Does it matter? I only thought you have an interest in Forrier’s son’s reappearance.
GLYDE
Why should I?
LEGION
It’s you he’s come looking for. He thinks you had his family killed.
Glyde eyes Legion.
GLYDE
The IRA was behind that.
LEGION
As the story goes. Have you ever met our Benjamin?
GLYDE
Just pictures in the paper.
LEGION
Here. These’re better.
He hands Glyde photo printouts of Ben’s Army photos.
LEGION (CONT’D)
Favors his Da, he does. You have T-Rex encryption on your computer?
Glyde nods.
LEGION (CONT’D)
I’ll e-mail you this code, when you no longer need to be careful.
He offers a card to Glyde, who refuses it.
GLYDE
Don’t contact me, again.
He keeps one photo of Ben. Walks away. Legion smiles at Ben's other photos.
IN GLYDE’S CAR
He gets behind the wheel and hits the hands-free phone.
LEO (O.S.)
Yeah?
GLYDE
Have the Chang brothers upgrade our online security. And I want two men with each of my kids at all times. Let me know who they talk to, who they phone. Everything. And no one gets in a car without it bein’ checked for a bomb. Then get some lads together. We’re off fishing.
LEO
What is it?
GLYDE
More bloody shite from Belfast.
---------------------
This is the first act, completed. Maybe that's enough for now.
Ben spies Aurelia seated with Fatiha on a shaded bench.
He heads for them, like a shark -- notices --
A burly man in sunglasses close by -- BODYGUARD #1.
Ben shifts to bumbling mode.
BEN
(French accent)
Aurelia! You take le déjeuner?
The girls look around, startled.
AURELIA
Uh, yeah. We’re almost done. Uh, Laurent, this my friend, Fatiha.
FATIHA
BonJOUR, monSIEUR ...
Ben walks past the girls. Bodyguard #1’s eyes stay on him.
BEN
Bonjour, mademoiselle; I am called Lorie. I do not mean for to intrude on you. I go to class in just one moment. We can meet later?
AURELIA
I ... uh, have a lab. Starts at three and goes for ...
FATIHA
I’d love to!
Aurelia eyes her. Fatiha smiles back.
AURELIA
But my ... lab can wait. Where shall we meet?
BEN
The shop where I spill your coffee? I am done with all classes by four.
FATIHA
Four-thirty’d be perfect.
BEN
Then it is done. Until then!
Ben jaunts away. Fatiha leans over to Aurelia.
FATIHA
You don’t have to come, you know.
Aurelia glares at her. Bodyguard #1 makes a note -- Laurent.
EXT. MARINA - DAY
Glyde parks near the boat locks. He sees Legion atop one, looking at The Thames. He strides over. Jets take off from London City Airport.
GLYDE
What do I call you?
LEGION
Here, my name is Legion.
GLYDE
How’d you get my number?
LEGION
Does it matter? I only thought you have an interest in Forrier’s son’s reappearance.
GLYDE
Why should I?
LEGION
It’s you he’s come looking for. He thinks you had his family killed.
Glyde eyes Legion.
GLYDE
The IRA was behind that.
LEGION
As the story goes. Have you ever met our Benjamin?
GLYDE
Just pictures in the paper.
LEGION
Here. These’re better.
He hands Glyde photo printouts of Ben’s Army photos.
LEGION (CONT’D)
Favors his Da, he does. You have T-Rex encryption on your computer?
Glyde nods.
LEGION (CONT’D)
I’ll e-mail you this code, when you no longer need to be careful.
He offers a card to Glyde, who refuses it.
GLYDE
Don’t contact me, again.
He keeps one photo of Ben. Walks away. Legion smiles at Ben's other photos.
IN GLYDE’S CAR
He gets behind the wheel and hits the hands-free phone.
LEO (O.S.)
Yeah?
GLYDE
Have the Chang brothers upgrade our online security. And I want two men with each of my kids at all times. Let me know who they talk to, who they phone. Everything. And no one gets in a car without it bein’ checked for a bomb. Then get some lads together. We’re off fishing.
LEO
What is it?
GLYDE
More bloody shite from Belfast.
---------------------
This is the first act, completed. Maybe that's enough for now.
April 29, 2015
Fifth part of MFD...
EXT. ST. CLEMEN’S COLLEGE - DAY
Busy, yet calm. Aurelia exits a building with FATIHA, who’s cut from the same cloth as her.
FATIHA
It’s not right! Who can read, let alone understand, a French novel in under six years!? Why not offer classes on the joy of J K Rowling?
Aurelia slows down.
FATIHA (CONT’D)
What?
AURELIA
The man on that bench. He’s who spilled coffee on me, the other night.
Ben sits nearby, reading.
FATIHA
So there are blond Frenchmen. Or perhaps we should find out if he really is.
AURELIA
Tiha! You’re awful!
She continues on. Fatiha keeps pace. Aurelia casts a quick glance back. Tiha notices.
Ben keeps his face pointed towards his book, but his eyes watch her. His expression fades into a frown.
INT. IRISH COUNTRY HOME - NIGHT (FLASHBACK)
YOUNG BEN gazes out a window. Isobel caresses his hair.
ISOBEL
Jamin, quel est le problème?
BEN
C’est rien, maman. Rien.
ISOBEL
Come. I’ll warm some milk and you will tell me what this nothing is.
EXT. ST. CLEMEN’S COLLEGE - DAY
Ben whispers.
BEN
... It’s not exactly nothing.
INT. IRISH COUNTRY HOME - NIGHT (FLASHBACK)
Young Ben sits at the kitchen table. Isobel warms some milk.
ISOBEL
Just because I am Catholic does not mean you must find a girl who is. Your father is not, nor were you raised as such.
BEN
But what if ... I was to find one?
She sits by him.
ISOBEL
Oh, Jamin, what is her name?
INT. IRISH COUNTRY HOME - NIGHT (FLASHBACK)
Ben is in his army dress uniform; Irina wears a white gown and veil. She slips a ring onto his finger.
BEN (O.S.)
Irina.
IRINA
This is from my love ...
FLASH OF VAUGHN TAKING THE PHOTOGRAPH.
EXT. ST. CLEMEN’S COLLEGE - DAY
Ben forces himself to rise and walk away.
INT. FIRING RANGE - DAY
Ben unloads his pistol into a target.
EXT. IRISH COUNTRY HOME - DAY (FLASHBACK)
Forrier shows YOUNG BEN how to shoot a pistol.
FORRIER
Learn the feel of your weapon, so you can aim it without thinking.
FLASH OF BEN SHOOTING THE TALIBAN SNIPER.
INT. FIRING RANGE - DAY
Ben finishes a third clip. Claims his target. Bulls-eyes.
A genial SKA DUDE WHISTLES at it.
SKA DUDE
You did that with a Glock Thirty-six?! Think of what you could do with a real weapon.
He holds up a forty-five Colt revolver.
BEN
Too obvious.
SKA DUDE
That’s got small bullets. Midgies give bigger bites.
Ben takes the forty-five. Looks it over.
BEN
What if you don’t want your target to be wary of you?
SKA DUDE
Better if there’s no trouble to start with. And this? Cheap at two-hundred pound.
Ben returns the Colt to Ska Dude.
BEN
Trouble always comes.
INT. TRAIN DEPOT - DAY
Legion exits a train, bright and cheerful, as always.
BEN (O.S.)
What’s important is to be ready.
INT. GLYDE HOUSE - DAY
In Glyde's office. Glyde talks with an officious man -- LEO.
GLYDE
Just heard from Derry. They doubled their order. That’s the last of our next shipment.
The phone RINGS. Glyde strides to his desk.
LEO
(British)
Someone expecting a party?
GLYDE
An organizer’s planning a festival, like Woodstock or Burning man.
LEO
What’s a burning man?
GLYDE
Bugger if I know.
(into phone)Yeah?
LEGION (O.S.)
(brogue)
I thought you’d like to hear ... Ben Forrier’s in London.
Busy, yet calm. Aurelia exits a building with FATIHA, who’s cut from the same cloth as her.
FATIHA
It’s not right! Who can read, let alone understand, a French novel in under six years!? Why not offer classes on the joy of J K Rowling?
Aurelia slows down.
FATIHA (CONT’D)
What?
AURELIA
The man on that bench. He’s who spilled coffee on me, the other night.
Ben sits nearby, reading.
FATIHA
So there are blond Frenchmen. Or perhaps we should find out if he really is.
AURELIA
Tiha! You’re awful!
She continues on. Fatiha keeps pace. Aurelia casts a quick glance back. Tiha notices.
Ben keeps his face pointed towards his book, but his eyes watch her. His expression fades into a frown.
INT. IRISH COUNTRY HOME - NIGHT (FLASHBACK)
YOUNG BEN gazes out a window. Isobel caresses his hair.
ISOBEL
Jamin, quel est le problème?
BEN
C’est rien, maman. Rien.
ISOBEL
Come. I’ll warm some milk and you will tell me what this nothing is.
EXT. ST. CLEMEN’S COLLEGE - DAY
Ben whispers.
BEN
... It’s not exactly nothing.
INT. IRISH COUNTRY HOME - NIGHT (FLASHBACK)
Young Ben sits at the kitchen table. Isobel warms some milk.
ISOBEL
Just because I am Catholic does not mean you must find a girl who is. Your father is not, nor were you raised as such.
BEN
But what if ... I was to find one?
She sits by him.
ISOBEL
Oh, Jamin, what is her name?
INT. IRISH COUNTRY HOME - NIGHT (FLASHBACK)
Ben is in his army dress uniform; Irina wears a white gown and veil. She slips a ring onto his finger.
BEN (O.S.)
Irina.
IRINA
This is from my love ...
FLASH OF VAUGHN TAKING THE PHOTOGRAPH.
EXT. ST. CLEMEN’S COLLEGE - DAY
Ben forces himself to rise and walk away.
INT. FIRING RANGE - DAY
Ben unloads his pistol into a target.
EXT. IRISH COUNTRY HOME - DAY (FLASHBACK)
Forrier shows YOUNG BEN how to shoot a pistol.
FORRIER
Learn the feel of your weapon, so you can aim it without thinking.
FLASH OF BEN SHOOTING THE TALIBAN SNIPER.
INT. FIRING RANGE - DAY
Ben finishes a third clip. Claims his target. Bulls-eyes.
A genial SKA DUDE WHISTLES at it.
SKA DUDE
You did that with a Glock Thirty-six?! Think of what you could do with a real weapon.
He holds up a forty-five Colt revolver.
BEN
Too obvious.
SKA DUDE
That’s got small bullets. Midgies give bigger bites.
Ben takes the forty-five. Looks it over.
BEN
What if you don’t want your target to be wary of you?
SKA DUDE
Better if there’s no trouble to start with. And this? Cheap at two-hundred pound.
Ben returns the Colt to Ska Dude.
BEN
Trouble always comes.
INT. TRAIN DEPOT - DAY
Legion exits a train, bright and cheerful, as always.
BEN (O.S.)
What’s important is to be ready.
INT. GLYDE HOUSE - DAY
In Glyde's office. Glyde talks with an officious man -- LEO.
GLYDE
Just heard from Derry. They doubled their order. That’s the last of our next shipment.
The phone RINGS. Glyde strides to his desk.
LEO
(British)
Someone expecting a party?
GLYDE
An organizer’s planning a festival, like Woodstock or Burning man.
LEO
What’s a burning man?
GLYDE
Bugger if I know.
(into phone)Yeah?
LEGION (O.S.)
(brogue)
I thought you’d like to hear ... Ben Forrier’s in London.
April 28, 2015
Quick note -- FYI
I'm making two major changes to Marked For Death.
First off -- the villain was okay but not devastating as I wanted, so I'm shifting that to another character. So that needs to be better set up.
Second -- I didn't reveal a cousin of Ben's has also been killed until near the end. That raised too many problems, not just for the logic of the story but the honesty of the characters. Ben would know the guy's dead. That revelation just did not work, at all, and I'm dumping it. Even though I liked it in the structure.
So...I've gone back to adjust the sections I've already posted, and I'm reworking my ending confrontation, completely. But then, a script is never completely done until it's on the screen.
Something else -- I like the original Mad Max, and I heard there's to be a followup to the so-so #3. But there was a major story in last week's "Entertainment Weekly" that led off with a character snarling at the camera, his face half-covered by a mask made from a trident gardening tool. The middle prong goes over his nose while the outer prongs are in perfect alignment with his eyes. One good smack and he's blind, at the very least. It's such a stupid design, I decided I won't see the movie. If they can't get that right, none of it will be.
Just to prove I'm as shallow as I ever was.
First off -- the villain was okay but not devastating as I wanted, so I'm shifting that to another character. So that needs to be better set up.
Second -- I didn't reveal a cousin of Ben's has also been killed until near the end. That raised too many problems, not just for the logic of the story but the honesty of the characters. Ben would know the guy's dead. That revelation just did not work, at all, and I'm dumping it. Even though I liked it in the structure.
So...I've gone back to adjust the sections I've already posted, and I'm reworking my ending confrontation, completely. But then, a script is never completely done until it's on the screen.
Something else -- I like the original Mad Max, and I heard there's to be a followup to the so-so #3. But there was a major story in last week's "Entertainment Weekly" that led off with a character snarling at the camera, his face half-covered by a mask made from a trident gardening tool. The middle prong goes over his nose while the outer prongs are in perfect alignment with his eyes. One good smack and he's blind, at the very least. It's such a stupid design, I decided I won't see the movie. If they can't get that right, none of it will be.
Just to prove I'm as shallow as I ever was.
4th bit of MFD
Continuing from last section...
--------------------
INT. GLYDE HOUSE - NIGHT
Designer decorated to excess. Ric opens the front door and stumbles inside, stoned. He YELPS when Aurelia appears.
AURELIA
Davie’s Da let you do this?
RIC
Aura, you trying to kill me?
AURELIA
If you don’t stop, you’ll get kicked out of school.
RIC
Again? Oh, scandal.
AURELIA
Come on. Bed. It’s almost one.
RIC
No. I have a mood for food.
IN THE KITCHEN
Ric hands Aurelia a bottle of water from the fridge then pulls food out. Their voices are soft.
RIC (CONT’D)
Finish your book?
AURELIA
Almost. Da asked where you were.
RIC
You tell him?
AURELIA
Please! Ric, he worries about you.
RIC
You don’t believe that?
AURELIA
Don’t you believe that I worry?
RIC
... Yeah, I ... I do ...
GLYDE (O.S.)
But you don’t give a fuck, do you?
Ric and Aurelia jolt around. Glyde stands by the door. He goes to the boy. Sniffs. Snarls.
RIC
Da, don’t jump to conclusions! I ... some of my mates were ...
Glyde SLAPS HIM. Ric barely flinches.
AURELIA
Da, don’t!
GLYDE
Don’t you fuckin’ lie to me! You know how much money I spent to get you free from that fuckin’ shite!?
RIC
No. How much is it, today?
Glyde SLAPS HIM, again. Aurelia rams between them.
AURELIA
Stop! Da, please ... go back to bed. I’ll talk to him.
GLYDE
For all the fuckin’ good that does.
(to Ric)
I smell it on you, again, you’re back to rehab. Forever! I won’t have my son a fuckin’ junkie!
Glyde storms from the room. Ric sneers after him. Aurelia puts ice in a towel. Wipes at his bloody nose.
RIC
And that’s how he gets thinkin’ I’m doin’ crack ... just imagine if ... if ... sorry, Aura ... sorry ...
He weeps. She holds him close.
EXT. HILLSIDE - NIGHT
Ben hides in shadows. His drone hovers by Glyde’s Manor.
ON THE LAPTOP SCREEN, Aurelia and Ric are visible through a kitchen window. She caresses the boy’s hair.
Ben fixates on the screen.
INT. IRISH COUNTRY HOME - NIGHT (FLASHBACK)
YOUNG BEN gazes out a window. Isobel comes up, caresses him.
ISOBEL
Jamin, quel est le problème?
BEN
C’est rien, maman.
EXT. HILLSIDE - NIGHT
Ben finally brings the drone back.
BEN
It’s nothing.
He shuts the laptop down.
INT. MARC’S HOUSE - DAY
In his room, Ben practices Aikido, earbuds on, shirtless. The knife’s scars gleam in his muscles.
Lauren appears in the doorway, perfectly made-up. He pulls off the earbuds; the music is loud.
BEN
Sorry, I’m making too much noise.
LAUREN
No, no. Breakfast is almost ready.
BEN
Have I time to shower, first?
She nods. He bolts for the bathroom. She watches him go. Sees the photo of his family on the mirror. Hesitates. Leaves.
EXT. MARC’S HOUSE - DAY
On the patio overlooking the Thames. Marc and Ben feast. Lauren pours them more juice.
MARC
No, my work is connected to London City Airport. Customs clearance for luxury items. All must be properly declared to avoid VAT or duty. Lauren ... this juice is fresh-squeezed. We should have guests more often.
Ben glances at Lauren.
INT. IRISH COUNTRY HOME - NIGHT (FLASHBACK)
At dinner. LAURENT -- a happy teenager -- digs into his food. Marc and Lauren watch. YOUNG BEN and his parents also eat.
ISOBEL
Laurent, do not eat so quickly. You hurt your tummy.
LAURENT
(British)
But it’s so good. Wish you cooked like this, mum.
Lauren rolls her eyes, irritated.
EXT. MARC’S HOUSE - DAY
Lauren shrugs a smile. Ben sips his juice.
BEN
I don’t really understand. What sort of business is it?
MARC
It is like import and export. We handle customs documents and smooth the path for those who want their path smoothed. A man I knew at University started it. We have done well, as you can see. So what have you been doing, the last few days?
BEN
Running about. Army's interested in me returning.
MARCIt did you good.
BENI wasn't that wild a lad.
MARCBen ...
BENAll right, then. I ... um, I’ve also been thinking of university.
LAURENWhich one?
BEN
St. Clemen’s.
LAUREN
... Where Laurent studied ...
BEN
Would you rather I not?
LAUREN
No, that's fine. It's a good school. He liked it there.
Marc focuses on his food. Lauren’s eyes stay on Ben. He hands her a gentle nod.
--------------------
INT. GLYDE HOUSE - NIGHT
Designer decorated to excess. Ric opens the front door and stumbles inside, stoned. He YELPS when Aurelia appears.
AURELIA
Davie’s Da let you do this?
RIC
Aura, you trying to kill me?
AURELIA
If you don’t stop, you’ll get kicked out of school.
RIC
Again? Oh, scandal.
AURELIA
Come on. Bed. It’s almost one.
RIC
No. I have a mood for food.
IN THE KITCHEN
Ric hands Aurelia a bottle of water from the fridge then pulls food out. Their voices are soft.
RIC (CONT’D)
Finish your book?
AURELIA
Almost. Da asked where you were.
RIC
You tell him?
AURELIA
Please! Ric, he worries about you.
RIC
You don’t believe that?
AURELIA
Don’t you believe that I worry?
RIC
... Yeah, I ... I do ...
GLYDE (O.S.)
But you don’t give a fuck, do you?
Ric and Aurelia jolt around. Glyde stands by the door. He goes to the boy. Sniffs. Snarls.
RIC
Da, don’t jump to conclusions! I ... some of my mates were ...
Glyde SLAPS HIM. Ric barely flinches.
AURELIA
Da, don’t!
GLYDE
Don’t you fuckin’ lie to me! You know how much money I spent to get you free from that fuckin’ shite!?
RIC
No. How much is it, today?
Glyde SLAPS HIM, again. Aurelia rams between them.
AURELIA
Stop! Da, please ... go back to bed. I’ll talk to him.
GLYDE
For all the fuckin’ good that does.
(to Ric)
I smell it on you, again, you’re back to rehab. Forever! I won’t have my son a fuckin’ junkie!
Glyde storms from the room. Ric sneers after him. Aurelia puts ice in a towel. Wipes at his bloody nose.
RIC
And that’s how he gets thinkin’ I’m doin’ crack ... just imagine if ... if ... sorry, Aura ... sorry ...
He weeps. She holds him close.
EXT. HILLSIDE - NIGHT
Ben hides in shadows. His drone hovers by Glyde’s Manor.
ON THE LAPTOP SCREEN, Aurelia and Ric are visible through a kitchen window. She caresses the boy’s hair.
Ben fixates on the screen.
INT. IRISH COUNTRY HOME - NIGHT (FLASHBACK)
YOUNG BEN gazes out a window. Isobel comes up, caresses him.
ISOBEL
Jamin, quel est le problème?
BEN
C’est rien, maman.
EXT. HILLSIDE - NIGHT
Ben finally brings the drone back.
BEN
It’s nothing.
He shuts the laptop down.
INT. MARC’S HOUSE - DAY
In his room, Ben practices Aikido, earbuds on, shirtless. The knife’s scars gleam in his muscles.
Lauren appears in the doorway, perfectly made-up. He pulls off the earbuds; the music is loud.
BEN
Sorry, I’m making too much noise.
LAUREN
No, no. Breakfast is almost ready.
BEN
Have I time to shower, first?
She nods. He bolts for the bathroom. She watches him go. Sees the photo of his family on the mirror. Hesitates. Leaves.
EXT. MARC’S HOUSE - DAY
On the patio overlooking the Thames. Marc and Ben feast. Lauren pours them more juice.
MARC
No, my work is connected to London City Airport. Customs clearance for luxury items. All must be properly declared to avoid VAT or duty. Lauren ... this juice is fresh-squeezed. We should have guests more often.
Ben glances at Lauren.
INT. IRISH COUNTRY HOME - NIGHT (FLASHBACK)
At dinner. LAURENT -- a happy teenager -- digs into his food. Marc and Lauren watch. YOUNG BEN and his parents also eat.
ISOBEL
Laurent, do not eat so quickly. You hurt your tummy.
LAURENT
(British)
But it’s so good. Wish you cooked like this, mum.
Lauren rolls her eyes, irritated.
EXT. MARC’S HOUSE - DAY
Lauren shrugs a smile. Ben sips his juice.
BEN
I don’t really understand. What sort of business is it?
MARC
It is like import and export. We handle customs documents and smooth the path for those who want their path smoothed. A man I knew at University started it. We have done well, as you can see. So what have you been doing, the last few days?
BEN
Running about. Army's interested in me returning.
MARCIt did you good.
BENI wasn't that wild a lad.
MARCBen ...
BENAll right, then. I ... um, I’ve also been thinking of university.
LAURENWhich one?
BEN
St. Clemen’s.
LAUREN
... Where Laurent studied ...
BEN
Would you rather I not?
LAUREN
No, that's fine. It's a good school. He liked it there.
Marc focuses on his food. Lauren’s eyes stay on Ben. He hands her a gentle nod.
April 26, 2015
Third bit of MFD
Maybe I'll post the whole script, this way...see if I can get some feedback. This continues from the day before yesterday's post.
_____________
EXT. SOCCER PITCH - NIGHT
A FOOTBALL SHOOTS ACROSS THE PITCH! A group of TEENAGERS in full kit race after it in a FOOTBALL MATCH.
AURIC GLYDE -- 16, budding football star, AKA: RIC -- steals the ball. Guides it down the field. Is almost clipped by a huge guard. Kicks in a goal!
Aurelia SCREAMS from the stands.
Ric pumps his arms. His teammates pound on him, happily.
LATER -- AT THE CAR PARK
PEOPLE walk to their cars or drive off. Ric bounds up to grab Aurelia in a howling hug.
RIC
Four in a row, Aura! We’re the top!
AURELIA
Don’t be cocky! You still have a playoff game, and one to make-up.
RIC
Against The Hibernians? Zeroes! C’mon, Davie’s Da's having the team over for celebration. Join us.
AURELIA
I have a paper due on Monday and still have to finish the book.
RIC
Right you are. I’ll snag a ride home with Ghalib.
AURELIA
Ric ... be in by eleven.
He drops his gym bag in the car.
RIC
Thanks for coming. You’re my rock.
He jogs over to some BOYS STANDING NEARBY. Aurelia gets in the Aston Martin. Drives away.
INT. COFFEE SHOP - NIGHT
Aurelia sits at a tiny table, intently reads and takes notes. A CUP OF COFFEE SPLATTERS ON THE FLOOR BESIDE HER! She jolts to find Ben looking down in shock.
BEN
(in French)
Aw, shit, I am sorry, so sorry! The cup, it’s so hot -- I try to get it to table -- oh, I ruin your pants! Your nice boots!
He grabs napkins to dab coffee off her boots and pants.
AURELIA
No, no, that’s all right! Really! No, please. Please, stop.
BEN
(French accent)
Water. If I have water ...
AURELIA
No, it’s all right. I mean it!
BEN
Non, it is not! You will take them to be cleaned, and I will pay.
AURELIA
Will you stop worrying about it? They’re just bloody shoes.
She turns back to her book. He sags into a chair.
BEN
Aw. C’est parfait. Once again, Lorie, you ruin yourself.
AURELIA
Sorry?
BEN
The coffee, it was for you.
AURELIA
For me? Why?
BEN
I see you read Le Corbeau and your cup is cold, so I ask what you drink and bring to you another. And give it to you on your boots.
AURELIA
Why would you buy a coffee for me?
BEN
Is it not all right to buy a pretty girl a coffee, en Angleterre?
AURELIA
It’s best if you ask, first. She might not want any.
BEN
Ah. Next time, I will ask you.
AURELIA
There won’t be a next time. I don’t know you.
Ben offers his hand.
BEN
I am Laurent ... non, non, I am Lorie, to my friends.
AURELIA
I’m not one of your friends.
BEN
But I have now made to you the introduction. I wait only for you to tell me how you are called. My bet is, your name is as pretty as you are.
AURELIA
Listen, Laurent ...
BEN
Lorie! Lorie.
AURELIA
I’m trying to study, here.
BEN
You read Sartre in the coffee shop. En français, so this is obvious. To which university do you go? UEL?
AURELIA
Bloody hell.
She closes the book, grabs her things and stands. He sighs.
BEN
I am being too strong, huh?
AURELIA
You have to ask?
BEN
Non. This is my life. I see a girl I like, try to make an impression, and kill myself before she knows me.
He points his finger to his head and pulls the trigger.
AURELIA
It’s not that. It’s just I have a lot to do and ... well ... vous-êtes français, oui?
BEN
De Toulouse. M'accent est mauvais.
AURELIA
Non, non, c'est bon, mais ... étudiez-vous à l'universite?
BEN
Oui ... yes. I study English for to make it better, so I prefer to speak the English, please.
AURELIA
Which university?
BEN
Saint Clemens.
AURELIA
Really? I haven’t seen you there.
BEN
I have only just begun my studies. Is this your university, also?
AURELIA
Yeah. Maybe I’ll see you on campus.
She heads off. He rises.
BEN
How do I call you?
AURELIA
You can’t. I don’t give my phone number to strangers.
BEN
No, your name. How will I call you when I see you, next?
AURELIA
Aurelia. Aura, to my friends.
BEN
We are to be friends?
She waves and walks away. He slowly sits.
EXT. IRISH COUNTRY HOME - DAY (FLASHBACK)
Forrier and YOUNG BEN stroll to the house, shotguns in hand, clutches of pheasants over their shoulders.
FORRIER
Ah, but women love to feel superior to men. That is why so many wind up with bastards or fools.
BEN
Which are you with Maman, Da?
FORRIER
A joker, you little bugger.
INT. COFFEE SHOP - NIGHT
Ben watches Aurelia exit. Absently shreds his napkin.
_____________
EXT. SOCCER PITCH - NIGHT
A FOOTBALL SHOOTS ACROSS THE PITCH! A group of TEENAGERS in full kit race after it in a FOOTBALL MATCH.
AURIC GLYDE -- 16, budding football star, AKA: RIC -- steals the ball. Guides it down the field. Is almost clipped by a huge guard. Kicks in a goal!
Aurelia SCREAMS from the stands.
Ric pumps his arms. His teammates pound on him, happily.
LATER -- AT THE CAR PARK
PEOPLE walk to their cars or drive off. Ric bounds up to grab Aurelia in a howling hug.
RIC
Four in a row, Aura! We’re the top!
AURELIA
Don’t be cocky! You still have a playoff game, and one to make-up.
RIC
Against The Hibernians? Zeroes! C’mon, Davie’s Da's having the team over for celebration. Join us.
AURELIA
I have a paper due on Monday and still have to finish the book.
RIC
Right you are. I’ll snag a ride home with Ghalib.
AURELIA
Ric ... be in by eleven.
He drops his gym bag in the car.
RIC
Thanks for coming. You’re my rock.
He jogs over to some BOYS STANDING NEARBY. Aurelia gets in the Aston Martin. Drives away.
INT. COFFEE SHOP - NIGHT
Aurelia sits at a tiny table, intently reads and takes notes. A CUP OF COFFEE SPLATTERS ON THE FLOOR BESIDE HER! She jolts to find Ben looking down in shock.
BEN
(in French)
Aw, shit, I am sorry, so sorry! The cup, it’s so hot -- I try to get it to table -- oh, I ruin your pants! Your nice boots!
He grabs napkins to dab coffee off her boots and pants.
AURELIA
No, no, that’s all right! Really! No, please. Please, stop.
BEN
(French accent)
Water. If I have water ...
AURELIA
No, it’s all right. I mean it!
BEN
Non, it is not! You will take them to be cleaned, and I will pay.
AURELIA
Will you stop worrying about it? They’re just bloody shoes.
She turns back to her book. He sags into a chair.
BEN
Aw. C’est parfait. Once again, Lorie, you ruin yourself.
AURELIA
Sorry?
BEN
The coffee, it was for you.
AURELIA
For me? Why?
BEN
I see you read Le Corbeau and your cup is cold, so I ask what you drink and bring to you another. And give it to you on your boots.
AURELIA
Why would you buy a coffee for me?
BEN
Is it not all right to buy a pretty girl a coffee, en Angleterre?
AURELIA
It’s best if you ask, first. She might not want any.
BEN
Ah. Next time, I will ask you.
AURELIA
There won’t be a next time. I don’t know you.
Ben offers his hand.
BEN
I am Laurent ... non, non, I am Lorie, to my friends.
AURELIA
I’m not one of your friends.
BEN
But I have now made to you the introduction. I wait only for you to tell me how you are called. My bet is, your name is as pretty as you are.
AURELIA
Listen, Laurent ...
BEN
Lorie! Lorie.
AURELIA
I’m trying to study, here.
BEN
You read Sartre in the coffee shop. En français, so this is obvious. To which university do you go? UEL?
AURELIA
Bloody hell.
She closes the book, grabs her things and stands. He sighs.
BEN
I am being too strong, huh?
AURELIA
You have to ask?
BEN
Non. This is my life. I see a girl I like, try to make an impression, and kill myself before she knows me.
He points his finger to his head and pulls the trigger.
AURELIA
It’s not that. It’s just I have a lot to do and ... well ... vous-êtes français, oui?
BEN
De Toulouse. M'accent est mauvais.
AURELIA
Non, non, c'est bon, mais ... étudiez-vous à l'universite?
BEN
Oui ... yes. I study English for to make it better, so I prefer to speak the English, please.
AURELIA
Which university?
BEN
Saint Clemens.
AURELIA
Really? I haven’t seen you there.
BEN
I have only just begun my studies. Is this your university, also?
AURELIA
Yeah. Maybe I’ll see you on campus.
She heads off. He rises.
BEN
How do I call you?
AURELIA
You can’t. I don’t give my phone number to strangers.
BEN
No, your name. How will I call you when I see you, next?
AURELIA
Aurelia. Aura, to my friends.
BEN
We are to be friends?
She waves and walks away. He slowly sits.
EXT. IRISH COUNTRY HOME - DAY (FLASHBACK)
Forrier and YOUNG BEN stroll to the house, shotguns in hand, clutches of pheasants over their shoulders.
FORRIER
Ah, but women love to feel superior to men. That is why so many wind up with bastards or fools.
BEN
Which are you with Maman, Da?
FORRIER
A joker, you little bugger.
INT. COFFEE SHOP - NIGHT
Ben watches Aurelia exit. Absently shreds his napkin.
