Kyle Michel Sullivan's Blog: https://www.myirishnovel.com/, page 124

Rearranging deck chairs on a cruise ship in the middle of a storm...

I'm at the point in APoS where I'm going to be shifting sections to better suit the flow and telling of the story. I'm up to Brendan's 14th birthday, and the shit is about to hit the fan. Things have been good between the Army and Catholics for months, but the Protestant leadership was behind the scenes making trouble and insinuating things that weren't true in order to bring the Army into their fold. Which they succeeded in doing, setting the stage for a conflict that really hasn't been settled, yet. 50 years and they're still arguing and fighting, albeit on a much smaller, quieter scale and with far fewer deaths.

I almost went back to Derry for the 50 year commemoration of the beginning of the Troubles.  It was started by a stupid, arrogant, bullying parade put on by the Orange Order back 0n 12 August, 1969. Protestants were so used to Catholics taking their abuse and condescension, they couldn't believe anything would be any different, that year. Here's how CAIN (Conflict Archive of the Internet) described the lead up to it:

The Civil Rights Campaign that started in the mid-1960s began in the 'pressure group' activities of mainly middle-class Catholics who published leaflets, issued statements and sent letters in the hope of addressing perceived discrimination, in many walks of life, against the Catholic community. The membership and tactics of the Civil Rights Movement was to change over the course of several years. It was to become a more broadly based organisation and was to adopt public protest on the street as the main means of achieving the movement's aims.

Unionists, however, viewed the developments with deep suspicion and in many instances their reaction was openly hostile. Many Unionists believed that the Irish Republican Army (IRA) was behind the agitation** and accused those involved of being more interested in undermining the Northern Ireland state than in reform.

The civil unrest, the rioting that often accompanied street protests, the confrontation between the Royal Ulster Constabulary (RUC) and sections of the Catholic community, and the destruction of property, were all viewed by the Protestant community as direct attacks on the fabric of the Northern Ireland state.

The first reforms and policy initiatives were announced towards the end of 1968 and the following years saw a number of provisions introduced to address allegations of discrimination and malpractice on the part of public agencies and government departments in Northern Ireland. Some of the reforms involved merely a change in legislation and quickly achieved the desired effect, such as those reforms related to universal adult suffrage in local government elections. Other reforms have proved more problematic and appear to have had less of an impact, for example, despite several pieces of legislation aimed at achieving fair employment, the level of Catholic male unemployment has remained much higher than the Protestant level.

The series of reforms were opposed by a large section of unionist opinion, indeed the issue of reform was to see the fragmentation of the Unionist Party which had ruled Northern Ireland for 50 years. There was also violent opposition in working-class Protestant areas to some of the measures.

**This was proven to not be the case; at this point the IRA was pretty dysfunctional and began splintering into sub groups like the Official IRA and the Provisional IRA.

So the Parades came. Riots happened. The Battle of Bogside exploded, driving the Royal Ulster Constabulary out of the area. And in came the Army to act as peacekeepers...until they reverted to their old ways and screwed the whole thing up like they had a hundred times before.

What's scary is how similar events are happening in the US today...

I am so fuckin' pissed at myself...

I got nothing done, today, except some reading on Derry in the late 60s. I fiddled and futzed all over, like your typical writer. Oh, I don't feel it, right now. I'm unsure of myself. What if my writing's shit and people tell me I'm wrong about details? Jesus, the whining...none of it verbal, all in my fucked up head.

I'm at a point in the story where Brendan has made official contact with Joanna and now wants to see her. Of course, it's just as the Troubles are starting, and she lives on the opposite side of the Foyle River from him, in Protestant territory. British troops are patrolling the Bogside, and welcome, at this moment, but they and the population are still wary...and the Protestants are feeling very unsure about their future so are on a rampage. It's all very complicated and I'm nervous about even starting it.

I know I'm talking into the void here. What's that saying? Abyusus abyssum invocat...the void calls forth the void...or something like that. Just voicing concerns into the nothingness of a blog, no answers expected to come. Like talking to a therapist who just lets you talk on without comment...

So I watched a couple episodes of Midsomer Murders, season 17. Gwilym Lee is the sidekick, and he's one of those long tall guys who lopes as he walks and wears coats that are too short for him. Wardrobe ought to be shot. He's also 6'2" to Neil Dudgeon's 5'10" so towers over him.

Still prefer Nick Hendrix and his natty suits, though this is a good photo of him...

I think I'll start reading the recent translation of Beowulf...see if that helps me unfutz my brain, any.

Book repair...

I got a copy of Burntollet, a book I ordered from a shop in the UK. In the description it mentioned water damage, but nothing about how the entire book had been dropped in water, at some time, and several pages were stuck together. Fortunately, I'd learned at Heritage Book Shop's bindery that you can wet the pages that are stuck, let them sit for a while then slowly pull them apart. Very slowly and carefully, using something slim but blunt to keep the fibers from tearing too badly.

So today, after a couple of doctors' appointments, was spent on repairs. This is the only copy of the book I'd been able to find, and most of it was in readable condition. Plus it had a copy of the image I'd used for my cover in it, showing it was taken on Spencer Road as the remains of the People's March entered Derry and has first-hand testimony of the people whose homes were trashed in the early morning hours of January 5th.

I did have some wording still tear away and stay stuck to the opposite page, but with the use of my Exacto knife, I was able to peel the bits off and glue most of them back in place, using Elmer's. Once it's done drying, I'll be able to go through it.

I also got a copy of Derry Journal, the 1980s, which was in near perfect condition. Both books came a lot faster than I expected...and makes me very happy.

Winding down...

I think my interest in this blog is at an end. I just don't have anything left to say on it. Maybe I'll start another one, once I get going with A Place of Safety...but as of now, it's done.

My thanks to those who followed me.

Here it is...the last...

Final six frames...

Adam startled to learn Elizabeth doesn't like to read Henry James, even as she's cataloguing some letters he wrote. She doesn't take kindly to being questioned.

But he realizes she's not a book person...so is willing to help her learn to be one, if she's interested.

BTW, the mark on his chin is a scrape from a rugby match; Adam likes to play on weekends.

Now comes separating and numbering them and prepping them for the slide show.

Such fun this will be...

All done...

I've got 60 frames, repeating a couple means 62 edits to cover ten and a half minutes. Or dissolves. We'll see how that works. I still need to go through to make sure of consistency in everything, but the images now have flow and I think illustrate the story nicely. We'll see if it does any good.

I wish, sometimes, I'd never strayed from art. I know I'd never have been the next Picasso or Rembrandt or even Sergeant or de Kooning, but I'd have felt like I was achieving something. I have my books, sure, and I'm proud of them...even the ones I didn't do 100% right by. Once I'm gone, those will still be around, even though they aren't selling at even a fraction of what Steven King sells.

I'm proud of several of my scripts, but those...those are not something to leave behind. They're dead if they don't get made into a movie. Meaningless. My characters are left with nothing unless I turn them into books, as well. Which I plan to do for many of them...However, at the rate I work, I doubt I'll get them all done.

But my art...I was building something with that. I'd done commissions...sold some of my work. Was building a reputation. I worked in visual merchandising and it fed into me doing more art after office hours. A few pieces of mine are in private collections, and that's while I was still late teens and early 20s. I graduated High School at 17 and didn't start college tillI was 21. In those 4 years I was setting down a path to be a real artist.

Then came film. I stupidly thought I could translate my artwork into movies, like Alfred Hitchcock did. But it was too different. Too collaborative, and I've never been good at collaborating on my work; it feels like compromising lessens it. It only took me 35 years to come to terms with that reality. But then...I never was a fast learner....

I'm beginning to wonder if I'm an undiagnosed Dyslexic...

Closing in...

Six frames left to fill in for A65. I'd post the ones I did today, but they're all out of sequence so would be confusing. Halfway through I realized I needed another couple of set-ups so put them in, numbered them correctly, and noted to myself what goes where when I get down to making them into individual jpgs. I'll still need to go through the whole series for consistency, but it's nice to be so damn close.

Of course, now I'm conflicted about posting it on YouTube. They've been letting right wing scum attack gay men and women and post videos calling for all sorts of shit to be done to us, saying it's freedom of speech. I'm a big First Amendment person, but hate speech should not be tolerated. Period. It goes way beyond opinion into intimidation and violence and that is not acceptable. So I may look into alternative venues...maybe even see about setting it up on my website, if I can.

It got kind of intense at work, today, considering it's the end of Firsts, London's Antiquarian Book Fair. I wound up with one of my slow-building headaches but had to take Tylenol, which barely works, instead of Advil because I've been close to a couple of nose bleeds, again, and Advil's not good for that.

I'm also caring for the office cats till Monday, next. Nice little beasts but they can be demanding. Fortunately, I like cats so just pop some Claritin and smack one of them around while the other watches, judging us. Good tension release, usually.

I've learned the art of making turkey Reubens on pumpernickel. Butter the bread, slop on carved deli turkey, 2 slices of Swiss Cheese, some sauerkraut, and slow-fry it on a skillet till the bread's toasty and the cheese melted. Add some Russian Dressing and It's almost as good as the ones I used to get at Canters, in LA.

God...Canters...I haven't been there in years...

Bitchin' can be badass...

Seems complaining about myself, yesterday, unblocked me and reset my equilibrium and I got a bunch more frames done. If all goes well, I'll be completely done in the next couple of days.

So continuing from where Elizabeth arrives for work, she and Adam discuss her having a weekend in Paris...
...then she can't get her computer to wake so he suggests she do a restart. She heads for the kitchen...

...and he gets to work, has his lunch, checks the time for his meeting with Vincent...

...and finishes another book, which he takes to a room they call The Dark Chamber...

I have more frames done but they're out of order. I realized I'd lost the track of the story and did some renumbering.

Watching Vera seems to help...

Biorhythms...

I went into one of my crash and burn modes, yesterday, and am just now pulling out of it. I forced myself to finish roughing out the last of the frames for A65...and I do mean forced...but today had to put everything aside to give me time to regain my equilibrium. When I work while in a mood like this, I hate what comes out and wind up trashing it, so better to just step back, give myself time to settle, and focus on nothingness, for a while. And remind myself all I did was rough the sketches out, not fill them in; they can be adjusted, if need be.

I hate it when I get into moods like this...where I question every aspect of my life and kick myself for every mistake I've made...but I did manage to diminish it by re-reading the ending of The Vanishing of Owen Taylor. Jake dealing with his mother in a phone call he dreaded making, and the aftermath of it...those few pages reminded me I do know how to write and can create something powerful, when I work at it.

They didn't kick away how lost I am when it comes to dealing with trying to sell my work. Get it known. Everything I've tried in the way of promotion has brought back minimal success. I'm still in the red on every one of my books except How To Rape A Straight Guy. Deep in the red on a couple of them.

I tell myself making money wasn't the point, and it isn't; I set the percentage paid to me very low to keep the price of the books from being too high, so breaking even was always going to be difficult. And normally I don't care about the income from them...except when I get into a black mood like this and want to chuck it all.

At least I'm past that and now stand a bit above apathy. It helped that I watched more episodes of Vera while doing nothing else...though I will say, I'm not buying second hand DVDs again. I bought this 7-season set through ebay and of the 12 disks I've seen, so far, 3 needed cleaning and 4 had dings on the surface that caused major glitches. I can usually get past them but it's irritating, doubly so right now.

Oh well...I've got 32 frames filled in and another 27 to complete. Funny how working on the visuals kept changing the angles and flow of the piece...but once I've backed away from being hyper-critical, I think it'll be ready to go, soon.

Then comes the fun part -- the slide-show for video.

Adjustments will be required...

I now have 33 frames pretty much set for the slide-show. They'll need a bit of touching up to maintain consistency, for which I'll need a sharper eraser. My Magic Rub is all rounded edges.

But it's still flowing. Adam finishes his back-and-forth with Vincent, tells the book he'll not give up on her and sees his computer is still waking up.
So he looks around, sees a beam of sunlight filtering through a nearby window, then hears his co-worker, Elizabeth, storming in. It took a bit of searching but I found a good model for her face. I'll be working that in, next.

I've found watching old episodes of Vera as I fill the sketches in actually keeps me going. Not fast but steady. I really like the first four years, with David Leon playing opposite Brenda Blethyn. Not sure why he left, but Kenny Doughty just isn't as engaging. Too cool to the touch while DL was warm.

But...I have a lot more episodes to go through, so who knows...I may get this done, yet...