S.G. Croup's Blog, page 100

If you are somewhat uncomfortable about your sexuality, how did you manage to go to that gay bar and even grind on dudes while also wearing just a harness and a jockstrap?? How did you manage to launch yourself out at the world like that? That would terrif

Short answer: I got drunk.

Longer answer: It’d been building up for the longest time. All my life I’d played it safe. I didn’t drink, I didn’t party. I’d been so scared to put myself out there because I saw so many qualities in myself that were only negative. I didn’t think anyone would want to be with me, so why bother? But, y’know. Living like that hasn’t done much for me. I’ve stagnated. I’ve wasted time. And I still am, even now. Change is hard, and it’s scary, and I can only do a little bit of it at once.

The bar wasn’t my scene. It was loud. We had to yell to be heard. I barely knew the people I was with–a guy I’d met on Scruff, and one of his partners. And everyone else I saw was only a parade of stereotypes. What the hell was I doing there? I was clearly not going to have any fun and it was all a big mistake.

But at least it was a new mistake.

That’s the thought that stuck. Even if I was being stupid, at least it was a different sort of stupid than I’d tried before. At least I could explore myself the tiniest of bits. And, looking at where I was in life–friendless in a strange city, so far from home, a castaway with no direction… I honestly felt like I had nothing to lose. Maybe that’s dumb. I don’t know. I can see easily a horror story occurring under such circumstances. But, I’d asked the two guys I was with to watch out for me that night, and when they offered me some beer I made the conscious decision to trust them, to take it, and to let go just a little bit.

And it worked out. I had a fucking awesome time, and I’ll probably go again next month. Would I recommend it for everyone? No, of course not. But sometimes when you’re at the end of your rope, you just have to let go of it and hope the drop isn’t too far. Do something new. Branch out. Trust. Even when you know better.

What a very foolish notion.

If you are somewhat uncomfortable about your sexuality, how did you manage to go to that gay bar and even grind on dudes while also wearing just a harness and a jockstrap?? How did you manage to launch yourself out at the world like that? That would terrif

Short answer: I got drunk.

Longer answer: It’d been building up for the longest time. All my life I’d played it safe. I didn’t drink, I didn’t party. I’d been so scared to put myself out there because I saw so many qualities in myself that were only negative. I didn’t think anyone would want to be with me, so why bother? But, y’know. Living like that hasn’t done much for me. I’ve stagnated. I’ve wasted time. And I still am, even now. Change is hard, and it’s scary, and I can only do a little bit of it at once.

The bar wasn’t my scene. It was loud. We had to yell to be heard. I barely knew the people I was with–a guy I’d met on Scruff, and one of his partners. And everyone else I saw was only a parade of stereotypes. What the hell was I doing there? I was clearly not going to have any fun and it was all a big mistake.

But at least it was a new mistake.

That’s the thought that stuck. Even if I was being stupid, at least it was a different sort of stupid than I’d tried before. At least I could explore myself the tiniest of bits. And, looking at where I was in life–friendless in a strange city, so far from home, a castaway with no direction… I honestly felt like I had nothing to lose. Maybe that’s dumb. I don’t know. I can see easily a horror story occurring under such circumstances. But, I’d asked the two guys I was with to watch out for me that night, and when they offered me some beer I made the conscious decision to trust them, to take it, and to let go just a little bit.

And it worked out. I had a fucking awesome time, and I’ll probably go again next month. Would I recommend it for everyone? No, of course not. But sometimes when you’re at the end of your rope, you just have to let go of it and hope the drop isn’t too far. Do something new. Branch out. Trust. Even when you know better.

What a very foolish notion.

Another legendfest in Granblue Fantasy, another super hot guy to...

Another legendfest in Granblue Fantasy, another super hot guy to acquire as a party member.

But still no English mode! D:

Help, tips, advice for being comfortable with my sexuality with other people? I just have this deep-seated internalized shame and self-hatred that prevents me from being comfortable with my sexuality (I struggle to even associate with it) in social situati

As soon as you figure it out, mind letting me know?

Though honestly… I think a lot of it just comes from time. And in finding the approach that works best for you. For me, I get uneasy bringing up my own sexuality around other people because I simply dislike being viewed as a sexual creature. I have to trust someone a lot in order to engage on that level. And it also combines with plain ol’ social anxiety. There are hangups there, and I’m a weirdo.

However, I seem to have little trouble throwing my turn-ons out onto the anonymous internet. And I think that has to do with it being on my own terms, and in my own space. As time has gone on, I’ve also used this blog to show others the kinkier side of me. It’s a lot easier to simply give someone a link and say, “Have fun delving into the seedy depths of my libido!” than discuss it personally sometimes.

So I guess my advice is, find a setting you’re comfortable with and go from there. You don’t need to launch yourself at the world yet. Just one or two people can do just fine.

Help, tips, advice for being comfortable with my sexuality with other people? I just have this deep-seated internalized shame and self-hatred that prevents me from being comfortable with my sexuality (I struggle to even associate with it) in social situati

As soon as you figure it out, mind letting me know?

Though honestly… I think a lot of it just comes from time. And in finding the approach that works best for you. For me, I get uneasy bringing up my own sexuality around other people because I simply dislike being viewed as a sexual creature. I have to trust someone a lot in order to engage on that level. And it also combines with plain ol’ social anxiety. There are hangups there, and I’m a weirdo.

However, I seem to have little trouble throwing my turn-ons out onto the anonymous internet. And I think that has to do with it being on my own terms, and in my own space. As time has gone on, I’ve also used this blog to show others the kinkier side of me. It’s a lot easier to simply give someone a link and say, “Have fun delving into the seedy depths of my libido!” than discuss it personally sometimes.

So I guess my advice is, find a setting you’re comfortable with and go from there. You don’t need to launch yourself at the world yet. Just one or two people can do just fine.

How has your deep-seated loneliness been doing since your move to Texas?

Worse since my best friends on earth did what they promised they never would–abandoned me down here, cut all ties, refused any communication, and wouldn’t even give a reason why! Only after pushing away my hundred or so attempts to patch things up, of course.

…that was a mistake to bring up. Sorry. Let’s talk about other things.

(don’t worry, I’m okay. I’ve been making new friends. It’s just hard when you loved two people to such an extent that you couldn’t imagine your life without them. But it’s their choice. And their loss, too.)

What's the most unexpectedly sexy character you've ever encountered? Like they came outta left field "WOW I guess they ARE hot" kinda way.

Hmmmm, I’m trying to think of any. Only one I can come up with off the top is Ippo, because in his first shower scene he looked like this:

Whereas before that he’d always looked more like this, lol:

Buuuut that might be just because my brain in stuck on Hajime no Ippo right now. Though now that I think about it, Heihachi’s appearance in his son Lee’s Tekken 4 ending was also quite… revelatory.

Then there was Kyle’s butt shot from Lunar…

Hold on, I’m sure I’ll think of more…

What are your favorite story telling tropes or plotlines?

For sexy stuff I’ve always liked the concept of gregarious straight guys doing aggressively heterosexual or macho things, but unwittingly in the most over-the-top gay way possible. (for instance, check out the latest gif set I posted of Takamura having a literal dick measuring contest with Ippo)

Otherwise, uhh, hmmm! I really like Chekhov’s Guns? Like, things that seemed really trivial before suddenly popping up in later stories and suddenly becoming SUPER IMPORTANT LIKE HOLY SHIT WE DIDN’T REALIZE. Farscape did that all the time.

I also really like super diverse casts of completely different beings interacting with each other. I mean, like, fairies talking to space aliens talking to futuristic cyborgs talking to old gods talking to crime noir detectives. See Sandman, A Distant Soil, and Gargoyles.

I also like characters who define themselves entirely by their role (such as a job, or a relationship) and then breaking free of that.

If you could have Flash, Batman, or Superman's ass at your mercy...who would you choose?

Hmmmmmm, a most interesting question! Three of DC’s mightiest male heroes, and I get to pick~

Well, we can eliminate Batman right away. Dark and brooding simply does nothing for me in a spank-victim. (he works pretty well as a spanker for the other heroes, though)

So then we’re down to Flash and Superman. Both have a lot going for them! I’m most familiar with Flash from the Justice League cartoon, and I think the animators upped his ‘naughtiness factor’ for that show. He was simply begging for a spanking with every appearance he made.

(and you just know Jon Stewart wanted to give it to him!)

I think Flash would be a really mouthy bottom, too. Lots of yelps, squirms, kicks, and protests that he was too old to be punished like a little kid.

Superman though… there’s something to be said for punishing the Man of Steel himself. Superman sets such a high bar by dialing every positive human value up to eleven. A natural leader. The epitome of strength, power, justice, and moral/ethical code. As such, he is very much the masculine ideal of the “Hero”. And it’s so much fun to shame and humiliate those!

(we’re not going to get into the dark/gritty Henry Cavill Superman from the recent movies, no thank you)

However, there are certain provisos that must be in place before I take Superman’s delicious bottom. Because, as we all know, traditional punishments don’t affect him much.

So we’d need to have some way of harming that impervious hide of his. I’m thinking kryptonite, obviously, preferably shaped like a paddle. It both weakens him and leaves him open for all kinds of discipline. And then it’s time for that not-at-all odious task of taking the highest of the high and making him wail like any other mere mortal.

(see what I mean about Batman working pretty well as a spanker?)

So in conclusion, I choose Superman provided I get a kryptonite paddle to go with him. Otherwise I’ll take Flash and turn his tight ass cheeks the same shade of red as his costume.

Top 10 best Taints.

Thank you for not asking how big my dick is!! Unfortunately however, I don’t believe I’ve seen enough taints to provide a satisfying answer to this question.