Kitty Crenshaw's Blog, page 2

The Sacred Gift Of Joyous Wonder

Mariano Fortuny. Naked Old Man in the Sun. Museo Del Prado.

Sing, my tongue: sing my hand;
sing, my feet, my knee,
my loins, my whole body.

Indeed I am His
choir.

-St. Thomas Aquinas

Joy is at the heart of the way of Christ. Jesus entered the world on a high note of jubilation: “I bring you good news of great joy which will be for all people.” 1 He left the world bestowing His joy to His disciples: “These things I have spoken that My joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete.”2 Joy, in the process of our redemption, is the ultimate of divine gifts.

The carefree spirit of joyful living is a holy sacrament when it is lived in acceptance of its sufferings and in celebration of its myriad joys. All of life flows in intimate proximity to the sacred, and this proximity endows everything that exists with ultimate meaning, supernal beauty, and marvelous mystery. Such beauty extinguishes our separateness and ignites in us an extraordinary knowing that all of life is held in the mystery of God’s love. To live immersed in this flow is to live in vibrant harmony with all of life. When this joyous wave swells in our hearts, its crest infused by wondrous Light, the awesome reality of God trembles through our veins, opening a glimpse of the Eternal—the Beyond in our midst. God answers with love, our trembling awe.

Learning to savor these moments of joy and heightened perception brings us into a more profound oneness and love relationship with God. Penetrating our hearts is the realization that we can live perpetually in this jubilee of freedom in spite of the pain. From this divinely enabled space flows the redemption of our families, communities, and all of society. Such freedom and joy cannot help but call forth celebration. 

One morning I got up early to walk up the mountain. It was a brilliantly sunny day, and I don’t think there is anything more beautiful than the early morning sunlight highlighting a color change. It is so exquisite it makes you cry. I walked and walked and walked and filled up and filled up and filled up, but I just couldn’t get enough of the warm feeling of God’s presence. So when evening came, I went to a place where the sun sets and closed my day with God, looking out over the glorious painting of creation that He had made and makes new every fall. I was experiencing a profound sense of oneness and knew that God was walking with me. I understood, finally, that God’s love encompasses all of creation and all of humanity with oneness. He creates it all, loves it all, and sustains it all. I was waking up to the wonder and beauty of God in a deep, deep interior place. God, for me, was coming out of the box I had put Him in with my opinions, fears, and cultural conditioning and was speaking to me through the magnificence of that spectacular color change.”

The Hidden Life Awakened p165.

I walked out of myself today 
into a light so pure, so bright   
it gilded my meadow in a mystical way 
as to make it a paradise, a place to pray.         
I had never been bathed in such Love before.

The shadow lines stretched long and westward,  
mountain upon mountain upon mountain.
My eye, the only moat in the endless beams
of grays and of blues and of greens.

O Love, struggling to break through, 
why am I so blind to wondrous things?
The hush of Your Presence that the meadow brings
are but fragments of infinite loving, never my own.
The depths of Your secrets are still hidden from view
way beyond mountains, meadows, and skies.
Please, Love, embrace me, open my eyes,
burn in me brightly, light the whole world.

–Betty Walthour Skinner

August 11

Knee bent and full of wonder, might we find every place full of God’s simplicity, love, and delight.~Betty

The Hidden Life Awakened pg 107

Forever Living In The Mercy

Guercino. The Woman Taken in Adultery. Dulwich Picture Gallery. London

Mercy never began to be, but from eternity has always been and will never cease to be. Forever God’s Mercy stands a boundless, overwhelming immensity of divine compassion. It is the infinite goodness of God confronting human suffering, sorrow, and shame. Love reaches down to us in the lowest part of our need. Like a rose waiting to bloom, our hearts can only open when we feel the warm light of mercy touching our being.

To appropriate precious mercy, we must first believe that God understands us mercifully and then commit to the inner work of becoming merciful to others. Both are difficult because the old voices in our heads continue to convince us that others are the problem and God can’t possibly love them or us as we are. We define ourselves and others by our worst moments. People are in pain and are not who they appear to be to us. We focus on their flaws and don’t see their broken hearts beneath their awful behavior because we don’t see our own. We are miserably comfortable casting stones at others because we cast them first at ourselves. But God does not see as we see. Man looks at the outward appearance, but God looks at the heart.1The sublime truth is that we are all connected, and each of us completes God in some mysterious way. We are not to judge how but to trust and allow only goodness and mercy into our hearts.

How patiently, intimately, and mercifully He knows and walks with us, slowly lifting the veil to teach us to trust what lies beneath. To become merciful, we must ponder our own inner space. Is it fearful and filled with resentment about our own lives and the lives of those we are condemning? Do we give space to unmerciful voices that demean and judge others in a subtle effort to shore up our inadequacy? Our external failings and the failings of others do not inhibit God’s mercy but rather summon its healing power. As we choose to tenaciously hold ourselves and others within the mercying love of God, we free ourselves from the clutter of old voices and open a space in our hearts large enough to embrace the whole world.

When we defend ourselves, define another person or situation, or deny our culpability, we cease to see things as they really are. A situation that we label as terrible is, in reality, to be used in some mysterious way for our good. We might label a woman a snob because she is too beautiful or successful, so we never see her heart. A child might be giving us a difficult time, so we label him ‘a problem child’ and relate to him from that place, never seeing his heart or our part in the problem. That child belongs to God. We need to trust Him to be as creative with others as He has been with us. We get so caught up in competing, comparing, and controlling that there is no hope of love. Only those who have confronted their pride and come to merciful humility fully experience harmony in relationship with God, with others, and with self. Such harmony then opens an infinite vastness for others to move about freely in. Remember that love always takes the initiative. Love affirms and honors the dignity of each human soul. Love feels no power or superiority in the humiliation and desecration of another fellow sufferer. Jesus was unjustly condemned by the mob, but He didn’t defend Himself. He kept silent, and His silence enabled a far greater good. Stretched out on the cross, He turned toward the universe with utter forgiveness. “Father, forgive them, for they don’t know what they are doing.”2

The Hidden Life Awakened p 128.

With eyes of faith, we begin to see all of life embraced by a God Whose name is mercy, always ready to change our failings and brokenness into a capacity for deepened compassion. It is mercy that opens us to embrace the wounded world with hearts mercied by the fathomless love of God. Our world desperately needs us to create a warm and generous space that does not judge or condemn but is open and accessible, ready to meet others where they are in love, trusting God’s goodness to heal them in God’s time. Thus we fulfill Jesus’ command to be merciful even as God is merciful.3 Might we choose to let God’s mercying love enclose, encompass, and wind us ever upward, forever living in the mercy.      

                            

July 28

It takes courage to claim the simplicity of trust, but this is our path to balance and wholeness.~Betty

Nothing Falls But Into Life

John Singer Sargent. Black Brook. Tate Museum.

Jesus did not come into history to condemn our behaviors and failures but to affirm that they can become a holy offering and a source of hope and new life. Failure is a dark experience that touches us at our very core. It shouts to us at some basic level of our being that we are inadequate and have not lived up to our expectations nor the expectations of others. Those feelings become a tear in the fabric of our personhood and self-worth. The sources vary—broken relationships, financial difficulties, shattered dreams, spiritual drought—but whatever the source, the weight and sting of failure haunts us. We must not continue to bear this unbearable burden. It activates and reactivates anxiety and shame that saps our energy and influences our choices and responses. Finally and mercifully, it sends us reeling down into the darkness of inner crucifixion.

We need to shift our focus and accept that this season of darkness is truly a time of preparation, a stilling. Acceptance of this ‘not-knowing’ brings forth a complete transformation of self if we will trust it. Its purpose is purification and purgation and leads ultimately to freedom—freedom to finally be who God created us to be, to love and live in God, and to be filled with God. If we will allow the darkness and the silence, God will allow the seeds of our false self to die enough for Him to send up a little sprout of new life. It takes a long time for a tree to grow to its fullness, but as it emerges from the darkness, it offers shelter and beauty to the world.

The Hidden Life Awakened p210

Everything grows in darkness and silence. Quieting our negative thoughts enough to embrace our failures and disappointments opens us to what is real, as painful as it may be. We begin to sense the compassionate touch of God’s healing hand leading us to down to solid ground and the depths of our shared humanity. Here, in this place of union, Love is perfected. All things are one.

Might the labor of love that went into the words on this page encourage us towards a new thought—the thought that amid all of our failed hopes and shattered dreams, the Eternal God is our refuge, and underneath are the Everlasting Arms1, and nothing falls but into Life.

In desolation, dissipated, and in pain,
I roamed the dark and braided shadows of my days,
Longing for order amid my chaos,
Looking for new ways,
Searching for what belongs and where it is.

In silence and alone, I slowly struggled upward.
Above me, the hills had caught the morning Light.
I heard it singing as I went
Among the grass blades and the leaves.
I touched the grey roots of ancient trees,
Their wisdom woven in the rocks.
The dew-wet footprints in the moss are His.
I follow to the cross.
And what is heaviest and mute
Is found, is freed, is raised
In a single, silver strand of praise.

I join hands with others and the earth,
Step into this costly dance.
For eternal is the wheel, and endless is the dance
That grinds the seasons of the soul
Where nothing falls but into Life.

Grace brought me to this place,
This gentle hill and ground
Where all Beauty is first found.
My story lies upon it; I rest beside it in the dark.
For what I found, I am.
And where I am is Home.

BWS2

July 14

As we return again and again to the Source to help us find our way, our perceptions slowly begin to change, and everything around us begins to change.~Betty

Letters From Betty

Dearest One,

I’m remembering our last time together. I miss you terribly. Words are inadequate in endeavoring to express my heartfelt love for you. We have traveled together in our suffering and our sorrows as well as our joys. I am deeply grateful for the gift of a true sister in the Spirit. I would venture to say that there are not many friends who share in such a beautiful, sacred, and loving relationship.

I have a sense that this crucible of suffering you have been caught up in for so long will soon be coming to closure. The “why” of such brutal affliction is beyond our finite comprehension. Only God can plumb the deep. A line I wrote many years ago during the darkest days of my depression comes to mind: “Suffering, suffering, suffering, etching its way through my calloused heart.” And, as our beloved Saint Julian of Norwich reminds us, “All shall be well, all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.”

Beyond knowing, God has divinely designed a way for the two of us—the Way of Love. What a supremely precious gift we have shared for most of our lives. It is a gift that continues to transcend–spirit touching spirit. We are both held unconditionally in it and experience, moment by moment, that such a Love cannot be said but can only be felt with the heart. Might we pray together that we would know more deeply Whose and who we are, claiming more fully our goodness and beauty?

Look towards the Light, precious friend. It will lead you through your darkness. As you well know, I have been through dark and lonely places, but I also have come to know the One who continues to lead me through them. As we choose to embrace the joys and the sorrows of each necessary season in faith and trust, the fog shrouding our soul slowly lifts and we behold, as in a glass, His glory and our glory in Him. Gradually then, we begin to mirror this eternal light of Love, claiming our true nature. After all these years, I still can’t explain it, but I can tell you it is so because I have experienced it.

Beholding the Beloved, trusting in His mercy,

Betty

June 30

This world is the place of our purification and transformation, so rather than be depressed about it, lost in it, or fearful of it, see it as Love calling you to a higher place.~Betty

Release Resistance In The Dark Hours

Felix Vallotton. The Wind. National Gallery of Art.

While tending his sheep one day, Moses saw a fantastic sight; a bush was burning but was not being consumed by the flame. As he stepped closer to look at the anomaly, God called to him from within the fire. “Moses! Don’t come any closer. Take off your sandals, for you are standing on holy ground. I am the God of your father, the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob.” God then told him that He had chosen him to save his people from Pharaoh and be His intermediary. In that extraordinary moment, Moses became the first human being to dialogue with God. And Moses’ incredible response was, “I can’t do it——I’m not worthy—they won’t believe me—send anybody as long as it’s not me.” For an entire week, he resisted and argued with God. Finally, God got angry and said, “Fine; then I will send Aaron with you.” And finally, Moses gave in.1Moses was not being modest; he was skeptical of God Almighty.

Moses’ resistance to the struggle for his soul might have succeeded and negatively impacted the history of the world—or perhaps God would have moved on and found someone willing to do the job—but God chose Moses, and Moses finally let go. Our commission may not be so consequential. It may be a strong call to stand against injustice or a quiet inner guidance asking us to let go of an old resentment or express love to someone we don’t feel like loving. Refusal to flow with the circumstances we find ourselves in can change the history of our lives and the lives of those around us. Learn from the power of the ocean. When the surf is rough, it kicks up a lot of foam that glides noiselessly over the sand, moving with the flow of the wind and the water as if it were on ice. The foam doesn’t resist the wind—so light, so free, claiming nothing. 

Our most profound work on this earth is to stop our resistance and be willing to endure the pain of inner death before the end of our physical lives. What is dying in the darkness is our false self. What is being born is our true self. We have all been perfectly created to be part of the world’s redemption. It is not ours to choose how God wants to use us. Putting down our distractions to listen for the Voice and obey what we hear can be frightening, but it also frees us and stands us on solid ground. Jesus told the crowds following Him that anyone who heard and acted on His words was like a wise person who built his house on the rock. The rain and floods came, and the winds blew and slammed against that house, but it did not fall.2 It is there, in our man-made house built on the promises of God and the truest expression of our adoration, that God dwells.

It requires great courage to move against our ego’s need to control. For most of our lives, we have carried the illusion that we could protect ourselves from pain, but prayerfully, we will wake up and begin the work of breaking through the walls of our resistance tiny stone by tiny stone. We listen for the Voice and obey what we hear, trusting the wind of the Spirit to carry us through the dark hours of not knowing. We take off our sandals and stand patiently on the holy ground of our healing, listening intently for the Spirit’s whisperings in us. Progress feels slow, and we fail often, but as we persevere, we begin to experience the glory that follows the pain. We find a new freedom, a new sense of who we are and what we were created to do. And in the process, we find we are becoming an encouragement to others because we have moved ever deeper into an understanding of our shared brokenness, opening us to merciful compassion. 

I love the dark hours of my being.

My mind deepens into them.

There I can find, as in old letters,
the days of my life, already lived,
and held like a legend, and understood.

Then the knowing comes: I can open
to another life that’s wide and timeless.

So I am sometimes like a tree
rustling over a grave
and making real the dream
of the one its living roots embrace:

a dream once lost
among sorrows and songs.

~ Rainer Maria Rilke

June 16

We are called by Love to lay down our lives and go the second mile in love.~Betty