S.J. Reisner's Blog, page 106

These Are A Few of My Favorite Things...

Since this is the season for giving, I thought I'd share with my readers some of my favorite types of charities and why.

I decided long ago that sometimes I like people, but for the most part I really love animals. In particular, horses, donkeys, and cats. Two of my favorite charities most recently have been local no-kill animal shelters and rescues that take care of donkeys and cats. I like these particular charities because I know my money will be used to actually help the animals - not solicit more money.  So if you love animals - consider helping out your local animal shelters and rescues first.

For national charities that I feel comfortable supporting (because you can actually see where they're doing something) my picks are:

American Cancer Society - because we all know someone who's been affected by cancer.

American Red Cross - because you always see them responding in disaster situations.

There are a lot of wonderful charities to support the men and women of the armed services as well. This year my pick is an organization that sends care packages to soldiers called Give2TheTroops, Inc.

Local food banks are ALWAYS a good decision whether you're donating your time to pass out food, donating canned goods, or donating money. I like donating to the local food banks because I can see them in action AND I don't think anyone should starve (not in a nation where so many of us are obese). Not to mention they don't send me bi-monthly letters (which probably cost more to mail than what I donated) asking for donations like some of the local homeless shelter/soup kitchens do. Not that I don't want to help the homeless - but I'd rather the money I send go to actually HELP them rather than send me tons of mail.

And finally - there are numerous groups and organizations out there who will collect your unwanted clothing, shoes, coats, old appliances, housewares etc... to help others. So consider cleaning out your closets and storage rooms/spaces (at any time of the year) and drop off your donations at a collection center. Some organizations will even send a truck by to pick stuff up if you give them a call.

Some final thoughts: With the smaller, local charities servicing your community, your money, time, and other donations will probably go further and you'll be able to see how your donation helps others. I encourage people to donate locally when they can, but to not dismiss the bigger charitable organizations that do a lot of good, too. Happy donating!

Excerpts

Excerpt from "Thirteen Covens" by Audrey Brice

The blackened ritual chamber loomed before him in its grandeur. The high ceilings and intricate moldings were lost to the darkness. Upon the altar the temple incense bellowed from the thurible in thick tendrils of gray smoke, twisting and twining upward into a hazy plume that hung above the altar. The gates had been open now for well over forty-eight hours and he could feel 'them' congregating there. The 'Others', the 'Devils'. Their malevolence filled the room with a palpable energy that made all of his instincts scream run. But he didn't. He forced himself to approach the triangle that bound them. If the barrier was broken, even for a second... Fear overwhelmed him. He didn't want to think about the 'what if'. Plunging the world into a black abyss was the last thing he wanted. No, he merely wanted power and was willing to do anything to get it. He was too powerful a magus for them to escape anyway. They were his minions now, bound to him and willing to work for their ultimate release back to the astral plane. In the meantime, they would do his bidding, here, now. Before him, the swirling mass of entities bulged outward in a brilliant blueish glow of energetic fervor. All that power, his.

He couldn't help but smile. It had taken him years to figure out how to open the gates. Months spent experimenting with summoning and charging the entities with menial tasks just to see how it all worked. So far he'd gotten the new job with a much higher salary. He had the big house and the new car. He even had the beautiful girls willing to do his every bidding and satiate his every carnal desire. Power, however, real power didn't come from making a simple six figure salary. No, it came from millions and a prestigious position. It could take a few years, but he was fairly certain the entities had gotten him this far and they could certainly get him further. Perhaps a senate seat, and later, the presidency. The chosen one, the anti-Christ of the Christians. A new world order - a single world government, and if he had anything to do with it, he would be the one standing at the helm.

A sharp pain pierced his jaw. That's when he realized he'd been grinding his teeth. He stopped and regarded the mass of writhing etheric creatures hovering inside the triangle before him, then without further thought turned his heel and left the ritual chamber, closing and locking the heavy oak door behind him.

Coming October 2011

When to Laugh

In my last post I mentioned that there were times to take criticism seriously and when to laugh at it. A reader asked me via private e-mail how I personally choose between what I take seriously and what I don't.

There are some people whose criticism I'll immediately disregard and others' whose criticism is gold.

First, let's talk about whose criticism I take to heart because I know it will make my work better.

1. My first readers and crit group. My first readers are a hand-selected group of folks who I trust to give me fair and balanced criticism.  My crit group is composed of other writers at the same level I'm at (all professional and published). They point out specifics regarding what's wrong with the story and they offer suggestions for improvement. I don't always agree with them, nor do I always make the change. But many times I'll at least consider what they're saying. Sometimes it results in a change, sometimes not.

2. My editor. We don't always agree either and again - I don't always make the change, but more often than not we can discuss the change and come to an agreement we both can live with. Or one of us has a good argument for or against the change and it either stays or goes based on that. This includes the editors I hire for my Indie stuff!

3. My readers (i.e. people I don't know who have actually paid for my work and read it) when they have valid points backed up by solid evidence.

Next, let's talk about what I immediately disregard:

1. Criticism that attacks me personally. Example: "I don't think the writer knows what she's talking about and probably wouldn't know a lion if it attacked her ass."

2. Criticism that makes broad, sweeping statements with no specifics to back it up. For example, "Your main character is too naive."

3. Criticisms that are obviously based on the personal ethics, politics, beliefs, or opinion of the reader. You can't please everyone so don't bother trying. Example: "This story is too dark!"

4. Criticisms by ex-friends, ex-boyfriends, or people who I know don't care for my ideas, views or who don't like me as a person. Usually these criticisms are based in anger and jealousy and sour grapes.

5. Criticisms by people who think I should listen to them just because they're also published writers, but when you look up their work you find one or two 40-100 page booklets published on Lulu or a solitary self published novel that probably hasn't sold more than 10 copies to people who aren't friends or family. This is often the case when it comes to "fellow occult authors". Sorry - if a person wants to use their status as a "fellow author" as a reason for why I should take their writing advice or criticism seriously they have to meet several criteria. First and foremost, they should at least be a person I respect and trust they actually have some experience to draw on.

Now when it comes to writing advice and not necessarily criticism on your work - that's a different animal. I often get aspiring occult authors coming to me not only to get advice, but also to give it. Usually the advice they give merely shows how little they understand about the publishing business (Indie or other) or what they have to say is absolute nonsense. The general rule of thumb there is don't take writing career advice from anyone who is less experienced than you. That's generally how I work it. As I've said, not only have I been a writer forever, I went to school for writing and I've spent years and years developing my own voice and honing my creative writing skills. This does not mean I write perfect prose, nor does it mean I spell everything correctly the first time, nor does it mean I know everything, but it does mean I have paid my dues and I've been around the block a few times. I've been at the writing game long enough to know which end is up and find it laughable when the "fellow occult author" who wrote a 110 page chapbook on Lulu, thinks he's going to give me helpful advice about my writing career.

I generally won't take writing career advice from anyone who:

A. Hasn't written more than one or two books over 200 pages. I also don't take advice from people who've only written a few 40-100 page chapbooks. Seems every occultist these days has written a 40-100 page chapbook that they publish on Lulu (myself included). That doesn't necessarily make these people writers or authors anymore than it makes them experts in the occult. The reason my books stand out above the onslaught of occult authors is because I've been writing books about Demonolatry since the late 90's and I've earned a solid readership over the years through word-of-mouth endorsement. Readers are earned. They don't just flock to a person just because they have a book published.

B. Hasn't had their work contracted by a traditional publisher. And by traditional publisher I don't mean a publishing company they created themselves to publish their own work (only some of my stuff is Indie, folks!). Part of the reason I went Indie is because I HAVE dealt with traditional publishers. Not because the traditional publishers won't publish me. I still get offers from traditional publishers on my occult writing and I continually turn them down. There's a reason for this. So as you can imagine I find it laughable when "fellow occult authors" tell me they're doing things "the proper way" by starting a traditional publishing house to publish their own books (as they chastise me for using Lulu for the Demonolatry books not realizing Lulu is only one outlet I utilize to distribute my books) as if it makes them more legitimate than me (yes, you know who you are). What's funny about that is I will bet these people that I still sell just as many, if not more, books every month.

C. Hasn't sold at least 1000 copies of a single title. It's great that they have a novel or two published, or a couple of non-fiction books, or their occult chapbooks are on Lulu. But have they sold any? Most small press and indie titles rarely sell over 200 copies. I'd be lying if I told you all my books have sold over 200 copies - some haven't, but a good number of them have. Not just non-fiction either. Some of my fiction is really popular, too. As a matter of fact it used to be the bulk of my writing income came from non-fiction, but that's changed in the past year.

 D. Doesn't make a living as a writer. In this last quarter I've made around $20K in writing income. Most of the people trying to give me advice don't even pull down $200 a month from their writing, as a matter of fact, I'd be willing to bet most of them don't even clear $100 a month. I am in the small percentage of indie and small press authors who actually make a livable, taxable income from writing (and most of it from fiction, no less).

As someone who has a B.A. in English, who has been writing since she was a child, and who has over 16 published books to her credit (at least six of them well over 200 pages) both Indie and Small Press, and whose books have sold thousands of copies, and as someone who actually makes an annual salary from her writing -- I consider myself a professional author. I can reasonably only take career advice from other professional writers.  It would be crazy to do otherwise.

So that's my advice to you - don't take writing career advice from anyone who hasn't reached the stage you're at.

On Being Selfish & Dealing With Critics

All successful writers have one thing in common, I've noticed. And perhaps this carries on to other careers as well. Successful writers are selfish. Now before you flip out and start shaking your fist at me whilst screaming, "I'm not selfish!", hear me out. I don't mean selfish in that we never think of others or think of ourselves to the detriment of those around us. No - I mean when it comes to our writing we worry about ourselves and what we're doing.

In this I mean that when I'm writing a book I don't sit around obsessively wondering what my friends in my critique group are writing. I don't worry what other people will think. I initially don't stop to think what readers are going to think either. Or my enemies, or my family, or the guy down the street. When I'm writing fiction it's about me telling a story coming from my imagination. When I'm writing the spirituality stuff it's about sharing experiences and ideas in a coherent manner. It has nothing to do with anyone else - not during the initial writing process anyway.

It becomes more about the reader during the editing process. Will the reader understand the message I'm trying to convey? Will the reader be pulled into the story? Is the plot solid?  Even then, I'm still not thinking whether or not Aunt Frannie will approve of my next book or if my enemies will criticize it by virtue of its mere existence. Why? Because I don't care. I don't write for the people don't approve of my subject matter or who will hate everything I write because they hate me as a person. I don't write for the people who disagree with my subject matter by mere virtue of their opinion or who might disagree with the manner in which I present it. I don't write for people who vehemently disagree with my ideas either.

I write for
A. Myself and
B. The people who enjoy my stories and who have found my spiritual titles inspiring for their own spiritual paths and growth.

Nothing more, nothing less. Even if I never made a single red cent writing, I'd still write because it's who I am.

Some writers, it's true, write for money. As a matter of fact I know a lot of writers who write because they think it's a quick buck. They meet a writer and they say, "Hey, that person is making money hand over fist and I can write a book, too!" Both often erroneous assumptions (and the reason why some people who have a book out aren't selling any). Some people don't start writing until they're adults. I'm one of those writers who was penning stories at age seven and who wrote her first novel at age ten. I wanted to be a writer all throughout my school career, including college. I even got a degree in it.  I'm a writer because I always have been. For me, writing is like breathing. It's my nervous tick, my escape, my passion. I write for myself first, and my readers second. I'm selfish when it comes to my writing but I think that's why I am able to finish what I write and get it published. It's also the reason I am able to make a living doing what I love to do.

Writers who stop to worry about what other people will think (if you're writing controversial stuff) or who are worried about what their friends are writing get locked in a stalemate of forever-editing and/or never finishing anything. They let criticism from those who disagree with their ideas or criticism from those who don't like their books dictate what they write and how they write it. In this I'm not saying you can't take criticism to heart when writing, after all, some criticism is constructive and can improve your work. I'm also not saying you shouldn't accept editorial input because ALL writers need editors. We do - even Nora Roberts and Stephen King.

I'm just saying don't allow unfounded criticism (the adage *consider the source* is key here) to keep you from writing, editing, finishing or submitting a piece of writing. For example - if your best friend tells you that your latest short story is crap is she saying it because she really finds problems with it? Or is she just jealous and does she have a habit of discouraging or criticising you? If it's the latter, that's criticism you disregard. If the criticism is from someone who doesn't like you, disregard. If someone's biggest pet peeve about your work is your ideas don't agree with theirs - disregard. If someone criticizes you as a person (especially if you've never met them), disregard. If someone criticises a huge plot hole and provides supporting evidence (i.e. an in depth discussion of the story including page numbers) listen up!

Some critics are constructive and can give you point by point reasons (with page numbers) and possible ideas to fix said problems. The rest of the critics, chances are, are untalented hacks who couldn't write their way out of a bag. Again - I recommend the movie Heckler for authors who are having trouble with their critics. Remember that you always have the choice to take criticism or leave it. How criticism effects you is a choice. Selfish, successful writers know when to swallow their pride and take the criticism to heart, and when to laugh and take it with a grain of salt.

Let's Talk About Death

Morbid, I know. But considering I've been writing a book about the subject and my grandmother (who was like a second mom to me) recently passed, made me realize just how much I have to say about the subject of death.

About two weeks after her funeral and a week after the burial of her ashes I had "the dream" I'd been waiting for. But instead of passing in the white light or having the final conversation, Grandma was shouting something at me and I couldn't hear her because there was too much going on in the foreground of the dream. Then, around the end of November I had another dream insisting I visit her grave. I think I'll be going this weekend. That was a strong, "Come visit my final resting place!" if I've ever heard one. My grandma always liked our visits.

I don't really get the sense she's passed through to the other side yet. She may not. She had unfinished business. She had promised my nephew that she would see him graduate High School. She only had 7 months to go, but alas, her frail aging body just couldn't hang on. She was ninety-nine years-old after all. She was also very ill and in a lot of pain. It's amazing just how quickly the elderly can get sick and fall off health-wise.  Of course none of us is guaranteed another day (despite age or health), which is why it's so important to tell those you love how much you love them as often as you can, and make sure you have no regrets. Life is too damn short.

This hit home all too well when, on December 1, my sister's boyfriend (who is only 32) was hospitalized for pneumonia and next thing we know he's in ICU on a respirator standing on death's doorstep. Luckily (after two weeks of being in a coma) he is just now starting to come out of it and they're hoping to have him off the ventilator and in rehabilitation before the holidays. Thank the gods my niece and nephews didn't have to lose someone they were starting to get attached to (after they'd just been through the divorce of their parents and the death of their great grandma).

Of course we're all brought up to believe death is something unnatural and wrong. Again I say, death is the natural conclusion to life. There's nothing unnatural about it. It's the great equalizer in this game we call life. We're all going to experience it, and we're all going to have someone close to us die at some point (and it's going to be painful because nothing can really prepare you for the loss of a loved one - not even poor health or advanced age).

Like I said, grandma and I were close. She was like a second mom to me. When my parents were having problems when I was just a baby, my grandmother was the one who took care of me. I remember going to her house to stay the night and going with her to church. For me it was "story time and doughnuts" (I was only six or seven). When I was eleven, she moved in with us and she lived with us until I went off to college at the age of eighteen. Shortly after that she moved into an apartment to be closer to her friends (since my parents live out of the way). Once she moved, I'd go see her one or two Friday nights a month and we'd play cards and have dinner. This went on until I was twenty-eight.  Admittedly when I got married I didn't spend as much time as I could with Grandma until she was in her early 90's. That's when her health started going. I started going to see her one Friday night a month again. This switched to every Wednesday night and one or two Saturdays a month so she could get her hair done after she stopped driving. The last three years of her life she was in and out of nursing homes and finally put into assisted living where she spent her final days. I spent those last three years spending at least a few hours a week with her.

I think what I'm most thankful for are the hours we spent talking about her life growing up. My grandma was quite the "wild" independent woman in her day. She didn't marry and have kids until she was in her thirties (which made you an old maid back then). She was actually pretty cool and she is missed every Wednesday and Saturday. For the first month after she died I wasn't sure what to do with myself. I haven't had a Wednesday or Saturday for a few years now. ::laugh:: But I'm slowly adjusting, even though there's still that sense that I've forgotten to do something, or something is not quite right. Or I'll catch myself thinking, "I should get that for grandma." Or "I have to tell grandma about this!"

What I have are wonderful and happy memories of the time I spent with her (even if she annoyed me at times - I'm sure I annoyed her at times, too) and I will cherish those and share the stories of her life with her great grandchildren. I've even been considering writing a memory book and publishing copies for all the grand kids so they'll always know their great grandma and can share her life with their children as well. It might take me a few years to get the project done, but I do plan on doing it.

People's bodies may die, but their memory lives on in those who knew and loved them and even if the soul crosses the veil to the other side and combines with all that is, the essence of who they were lives on in the lives they touched. RIP Grandma. I love you.

And what does this mean for Honoring Death? It means I've discovered I had a lot more to say, which is why the deadline was shoved up and why the January release date is only tentative. I know a lot of people have been waiting for that book and it is coming. Just know that I haven't forgotten or abandoned it and I hope the extra time I'm taking to add the new material will enhance the book further and give you something to truly look forward to. Necromancy has been a secret passion of mine. I've never really bragged on my experience with necromancy since that's always been a more private aspect of my life. It was initially necromancy (along with divination and supernatural experiences) that sparked my interest in the occult to begin with.  Long before I knew there were other-than-Christian religions there was the matter of me seeing "supernatural spirits" and the spirits of dead animals and birds. Not to mention the family tales of the women of the family (along the matriarchal line) having the ability to see and communicate with the dead.

This is most likely why death doesn't scare me or upset me as much as it seems to scare and upset others. Natural mediums (i.e. technically necromancers) know the dead are never truly gone forever because we can communicate with them. We know there is life after death. No - we don't speculate. We know.  That doesn't mean we don't mourn for our dead. We do. It's just that we are better equipped to handle that loss. For normal folks, they don't have that secure knowledge of what really happens after death. It's a mystery to them and the unknown is a scary thing.

Now I'm just rambling and if you've read this far, thank you. Now go enjoy the rest of your day and tell someone you care about how much you love them!

A Confession

Was looking over all my sales reports this morning and discovered one of my O'Connell novellas is in the top 20 on Amazon Kindle Erotica. Another is in the top 100.  On Nook, all three novellas saw the top ten chart for about three weeks before falling off to make way for other authors and their books. I have to say - it's been nice being in the top 20 of a category - especially with the fierce competition because there are so many wonderful writers in the genre. Not that I haven't seen it before. Several of my occult books have made Amazon's top lists in Magick and Demonology over the years.

I guess the difference is this time it's with fiction and I was always told that fiction is a hard sell, and that has been the case with my fantasy novels (though they sell really well in eBook strangely!) and the mystery novel, which seems to sell moderately. The novellas, however, have been a welcome surprise in the sheer number of sales. None of my fiction has seen such support in a short span of time like my erotic fiction has, and I'm thankful for that.

It's the positive reader response (in reviews and letters) that has made me decide to continue writing a few stories a year for this genre (and publisher) among all my other projects. So I guess we can say the cat's out of the bag. I am officially an erotica author and I'm proud of it.

If you want to read my erotica you can check out:

SINcerely Megan (BDSM Erotica)

Weekend Captive (BDSM Erotica)

Nice Girls Don't (BDSM Erotica)

Also available on Nook and at Smashwords.

The Most Useful Advice

I am often asked for advice on how to become a published writer and the answer is always the same. I don't have any platitudes to hand you. I don't have any formulas I follow. This is what I do:

1. I read voraciously (and not just one genre!). Writers have to read. If you don't read like crazy you have no business trying to write. Sorry.

2. I write. Even if it's absolute crap - I write. For the most part I write something every day. When I don't write every day, I write something every few days. Except for vacations. Then and only then I'll take a week off and not write anything.

3. Finish what you write. Stories have beginnings, middles and ends. If you can write something from the beginning to the middle to the end, that's half the battle right there. Many would be writers just never finish anything.

4. Edit what you write. No author, no matter how good or how famous, ever got away without editing. We all need editors and we all need to revise our work (sometimes several passes are necessary). Accept that and you'll learn to love the revision/editing process. For most authors - this is where we do our best work. (Yes, I just said first drafts are crap - even Stephen King's.)

5. Once you've done numbers 2-4 above, find a market and submit it. If it gets rejected, find a new market and submit it again. Continue this until you run out of markets, then throw it into inventory (just in case a new market shows up) and move on.

6. Start writing the next thing. No author ever made a living on selling one thing and chances are you won't sell the first few novels or stories you write anyway.

7. Lather, rinse, repeat.

It's really that simple. You want to be successful you'll follow steps 1-7 religiously, you'll be persistent, and you'll eventually find yourself published.

Now if you want advice on how to sustain a writing career, find an audience, go indie and other such things - those are different balls of wax.

It seems to me a lot of people are writers who don't write. Or they only have one or two books in them. Or they write all the time, but never finish anything. Or they write a great deal but never submit anything. Sometimes you just have to piss or get off the pot. Your choice.

Good luck!

Amazon Censorships

I was understanding when Amazon made the business decision to pull the pedaphile's book. After all - protecting children is important. I was even somewhat understanding when they chose to remove Wikileaks. Probably a good business decision, too.

However, more recently, Amazon has started to remove Erotica with incest themes (fiction portraying incest themes between consensual adults - not children) and reviews of GLBT fiction. Okay - first, let me point out that I'm not a fan of incest stories. I find nothing erotic about them. But I champion a reader's right to read them and purchase them. At the same time Amazon can distribute what it wants.

They are just a distrubutor after all, right?

The problem with this is that Amazon is deleting titles that have been in their catalogue for years, and deleting already purchased books from people's Kindles and NOT refunding readers for their now lost titles.

One book in particular was Selena Kitt's "Under Mr. Nolans Bed", which I myself Kindled at one point and have now lost forever unless I backup my Kindle, which I might do tonight just so I don't lose MY BOOKS that I paid for. What's laughable is "Under Mr. Nolan's Bed" wasn't gratuitous or all about incest. It's just that was the catcher at the end. This young woman (who is over the age of 18) and the older man find out after the fact that he's her father (unbeknownst to both of them). It was like a shocker - twilight zone kind of ending. Nothing I'd call nasty or in poor taste.

What's next, Amazon? Are you going to tell me all the books I bought about alternative religions and magick, or other erotica novels I have are no longer in my library just because you no longer want to sell a particular book? 

I guess I need to start shopping elsewhere for my eBooks or risk losing them and the money I've spent on them to Amazon's crazy censorship guidelines (which are so vague most authors can't make heads or tails of them). It also means I need to backup my Kindle, because like so many Kindle owners we've allowed Amazon to archive our books on their site for us.

No more. I think Smashwords is going to get a lot more of my business.

What I don't get is they pull benign stories like "Under Mr. Nolan's Bed" but they keep up the really raunchy incest stuff (which didn't go unnoticed by me!). Amazon confuses me.

As a writer this concerns me, too. With my recent foray into the erotica genre and some of the other controversial content I've published with them (including my latest mystery novel) - I do have to wonder how long it's safe before it, too, is censored and pulled off their site and out of my reader's electronic libraries.

I guess the lesson here is buy an eBook reader not specific to a retailer and back your eReader up often. Luckily plenty of other websites will still distribute the work of Selena Kitt and other popular authors whose fictional books dared break a societal taboo. I guess if I want to read Kitt I'll buy her "banned by Amazon" books from another retailer.

10 Tips/Thoughts On Love, Sex, and Finding a Mate

Okay - so I'm not an expert in human behavior or love and sex, but I am happily married (together for 13 years and married 11), which says a lot these days.  So I'm going to give the single folks out there some advice on love and marriage. With the rise of "Abstinence Only" education and the "Prize" and exaltation of virginity - I really think young women and men need some practical advice on this.

So here you go - 10 Tips/Thoughts on Love, Sex, and Finding a Mate:

1. Virginity is over-rated. I know this from experience as I was once a virgin. Sure, don't sleep with everything that moves and definitely practice SAFE sex with a person you LOVE  (using condoms + birth control pills are a good combination), but staying virginal until marriage is a REALLY BAD idea. Why? Because firstly, nothing is worse than two virgins trying to please each other (not to mention male virginity is not as prized as a woman's and most men won't be virgins anyway) and secondly - if your mate is bad in bed, you're stuck with him/her or you'll end up divorced over it.

2. Married sex is no better than unmarried sex. A hard core Christian once told my husband (before we got married) that once he and I were married our sex would be better. We decided to test that theory. Nope - it was just as good as it was before we got married as it was after. Imagine that.

3. Living with your intended mate before you get married is a REALLY GOOD idea. And yes - this also means I encourage pre-marital sex. The reason for all of this? Better to find out you can't live with someone or they're bad in bed BEFORE you spend all that money on a wedding and subsequently have to spend all that money on a divorce.  Just sayin'... it's practical, common-sense advice folks!

4. Pick and choose your battles wisely. Some battles just aren't worth it. The underlying point here being that you can't change anyone and don't think just because they love you, they'll change. It's never going to happen. If they do something that drives you absolutely crazy, you've told them about it and they refuse to change it, and you can't just let it go and accept it -- break off the relationship and move on. Really.

5. Once a cheater always a cheater. Men and women who can't be faithful should NEVER get married to begin with. It's not fair to the other person. Why? Because once again - people are who they are and usually they won't change. I can't begin to tell you how many people I've known who cheated on a boyfriend/girlfriend or spouse and who've continued the pattern with every relationship after that.

6. Like the above - if someone is abusive or has an addiction - they won't change. Some people seem addicted to being abused and walk straight into abusive relationship after abusive relationship. If this describes you - stop all relationships immediately and seek help for your low self-esteem. Then, once you know that you can do better and that you deserve better - THEN go back to seeking a relationship.

7. There's no such thing as the perfect man/woman and if you're looking for the relationship that will always have that "brand new" relationship feeling and smell -- never going to happen. It doesn't exist. Likewise, romance will usually run dry at some point (especially when it comes to men). When they're wooing you it's all flowers and constant affection but that often goes away once they have the girl/guy they want. There may be exceptions to this rule and if you have one - congratulations. Count your blessings.

8. Love will find you when you're least expecting it or when you've stopped looking. I don't know why this is, but it seems to be a general rule of thumb. Basically - quit trying to hard and just be yourself.

9. Be picky and have standards. Yes - it will take you longer to find a mate and you may have to kiss a lot of frogs to find the prince(princess), but it will be worth it.

10. Really the key to finding a mate (as my husband puts it) is to find a person whose crap you'll put up with and who will put up with your crap. I know that's unromantic, but it's true.

Oh sure - the above aren't the beginning and end all to relationships. As a matter of fact there are exceptions to all of this and you could very well be one. If you are an exception - good for you! Just realize that your situation is an exception and be thankful for that.

Yule Writing

Watching Christmas movies and working on a novella. Of course after this novella it's seriously back to work on  "Into Darkness" and "Honoring Death".  So a cup of coffee (with cocoa in it) and maybe a warm blanket and I'm going to work on finishing this last novella of the year. Yeah - I have a few novellas scheduled for next year, too, but I can work on them in-between the bigger stuff and I haven't been given any deadlines on those yet.

Still a few small holiday shopping things to finish up and the decorating to do, but I'll work on that tomorrow (maybe). I'm thinking my decorating soundtrack will be Jaiya and Misfits.