Gina Harris's Blog, page 54

Play day

 

Caring for my family, and myself

One thing that changed during the 2008 to 2010 period of unemployment was that I started cooking. 

I had gradually taken over holiday meals after I got back from my mission (I had learned something about cooking turkey, and I wanted to try it). I also cooked about once a month for potlucks, but I had never taken on the daily grind of it. 

Since I was home and everyone else was working, it only seemed right to take over. Mom had lost her enjoyment of cooking a long time ago (picky kids didn't help, but the critical husband was worse). That became a thing, where even on the days where I was working, I would plan something that could fit into the time constraints. 

I kept that up when I started the new job, and when I started telecommuting it was even easier. I was working, but also able to help supervise Mom, who was still pretty functional at first.

Being laid off and deciding to focus on caring for Mom felt abrupt, but really this transition had been happening for several years. I was switching over to caring for her more, and her needing it more.

Previously so much of caring for my family had been about the money that I made and what it could buy; when the money stopped, the caring didn't.

Care giving is my nature. That is something that I have learned over this time period.

As much as money helps -- I cannot stress how much of a difference it makes -- it is not the only factor in the care you give.

Accepting my overinflated sense of responsibility was not easy. Recognizing it took taking in another relative and trying to accommodate him. It also took getting into shouting matches to affirm the value of what I was doing. 

It was good that it became a choice, and a calling, rather than a way of compensating for all that I perceived to be wrong for me, but that change was inward.

During my time caring for my mother, I could never doubt that doing so was the most needful thing. 

That we have survived it -- against all logic -- was a huge faith builder. 

There is one thing lacking yet; I have never been good at caring for myself.

Just taking that time and making that effort... it is much easier to do it for other people. 

I have a bad tendency to give myself a lot of assignments anyway. Adding things to do just makes me feel tired; them being for my benefit has never been a big enough motivator in the past. 

However, it is clearly something that I need to do.

So I am going to be working on that for a while.

I do have other things to write about, as well as what I learn from this next phase. Right now I need to go in hard on the School Board Elections, deadline May 18th. This is not a switch to fully political yet, but maybe it will be the case of another gradual transition.

However, there is one thing that I appear to have figured out last night. 

I think one reason I drive myself is this idea that I will be able to stop and rest after I finish these projects or reading lists or tasks, even when I have seen a fairly well defined set expand in process over and over again.

Even seeing the value in the journey -- which I have and do -- I still want that completion and destination and finality.

It appears that I have to accept that as a myth.

This means that pushing to get done doesn't even make sense.

Tomorrow I am taking the day off, even though I without a regular job or caring for Mom, it might be hard to define what I am taking the day off from.

I am taking a day off from being me, I guess.

I am still bringing a book.

Work and identity

There was probably another thing that helped with my 2008 job loss. Before it happened, I had been to visit my Italian family twice. 

Previously I had only met the aunt who had come to visit us, but there were other aunts and uncles and cousins. You can hear things about people, but it is not the same as knowing them.

I had studied some Italian, but not a lot, and not recently. I wanted to be able to talk, so I memorized two questions: asking about their work, and for couples, asking how they met.

Given how many of them worked together, it should be surprising that they were all so uninterested in their jobs. In another way, it does make sense.

The job market in Italy -- even before the crash -- was tough. Getting jobs tended to involve knowing someone. (This also has a lot to do with why so many of the spouses worked at the same company.)

It's not that there wasn't pride of work or a commitment to doing a good job, especially with my family; our legacy is being good workers. But a lot of where you end up is luck, and because it is done through government programs, retirement and health care tend to be okay regardless. (This is especially miraculous given how often the government changes, but some of the systems function very well.)

The point is, people don't define themselves by their jobs. Their job is something they do, but their life is their family and their friends and their hobbies.

I do have one cousin who has beaten a different path, carving out an interesting career for himself. His siblings are really worried about it ruining his retirement. I don't think they need to worry, but I get why they do.

That is not a perfect system, but there are things that are very healthy about it.

It may have made a greater impression on me, because after getting back I was talking about it with one of the cafeteria workers. We had a flirtation going on, kind of, and even though we were both merely contractors, there could be ways in which I would be considered to outrank him because of the kind of work that we each did. That could be true even though I had run a cash register in previous jobs, and even though he had been doing something else before and would change to something else shortly after that. 

Without getting specifically into that, we talked about how much better that was, whereas here when you meet someone it is the first question, and the one given the most weight.

The thing that I would have said was better about the States then was that it was easier to start over. If you wanted to go back to college and change careers at 45, you could do it. 

But that was before the crash. The cost of tuition was rising, and the cost of living was going up, but we had not come quite so far in devaluing everyone. 

So back on the job market again, when everything was so much tighter, I felt devalued. Again, by the time I was working again, it was at a significant pay cut. In terms of work, I was very literally valued less.

If there was a part of me that understood that my value was not exclusively how much I earned, there was also still a part that was used to having more and being able to do more for my family and friends and random charities, and I felt that.

I felt that need to do things that I couldn't do, and there were limits to how much it got me down then, but it had a lingering effect all of the years of having that job, and then into what happened next, where depression did happen again.

Joblessness

I considered myself unemployed from October 2008 to August 2010.

I worked a fair amount during that time with different temporary jobs, but they varied in reliability and pay so nothing felt very stable. Not a single one of the jobs was expected to last.

It was very hard emotionally, but I didn't go into an actual depression again. Looking back, I think that was because I was still working a lot, and because my church was being very supportive. It did strike at my identity in a way similar to the 2003 depression.

I had always been a pretty cheerful person, facing things that brought me down, but bouncing back pretty quickly. To have such a long unmitigated gloom made me feel that I was not even myself anymore; who was I without my cheerfulness?

Prior to 2008, I had always been able to get the job I wanted: I had something in mind, I applied, and I got it.

There were little blips. I remember some panic in 1990 when the job I was sure was going to hire me delayed calling but still did call. When a different job ended in 1996, I decided to take a few days to paint the bathroom, and I answered a phone call offering me work while I was painting. 

In general, I had always been able to do work I was interested in and make enough money to meet my needs.

Well, maybe it was more about meeting other people's wants than my needs. I also tended to be pretty generous, and especially to make sure that my family had nice things.

2008 really messed with that.

2010 did not fix it, because I had lost ground financially and I never made it back up. 

I had sort of noticed that the cost of living was going up before I was unemployed, but it happened gradually and it wasn't too big of a concern. 

Once I was unemployed, that was a lot more noticeable. Once I was employed again, but at only about 80% of what I was making, and with some debt exacerbated over the past two years, well, the increased cost of living was much more in my face.

I felt it for myself, but also, relatives who were used to me paying for more things and not charging rent had a really hard time adjusting to it. There were some stormy battles, and they only get worse six years later when I found myself unemployed again.

I remember that I had been working so hard to catch up. It wasn't just money but also time, where I let myself get behind on medical appointments and things that were taking care of me.

I had just successfully made it to the regular doctor, eye doctor, and dentist, and had an appointment with my hairdresser that I hadn't been to yet when I got the news.

That next round of unemployment was associated with some depression. It was more complicated than that, but isn't it always?

And it required some fundamental rethinking.

Review retrospective: Punk rocks!

I had realized at one point that -- while reviewing new bands -- I should also revisit my punk roots. It was only proper that there be a Ramones review, and one for The Clash. I did that in January 2017.

https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2017/01/band-review-ramones.html 

https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2017/01/band-review-clash.html

There is a big part of my punk rock journey that happened before I reviewed bands or even blogged. Another large part of it lies in the future, so this post is going to be a little different.

Part of that means that I am going to integrate the songs for the week into the body of the text, rather than a section at the end. 

Separately, I have also realized that something that has been missing during the retrospective is links for the songs, in case people who read the blog and are interested are not seeing the daily song posts. This will be the first post to include links, but I will go back and retroactively add them to previous posts.

First of all, those first two bands (who still hold a dear place in my heart), their significance to punk history kind of matches their significance to me. I can tell you which songs turned the switch from thinking "Yeah, this is a punk band but they have some crossover songs that I like" to "Wait! I think I love this band!" 

Therefore, those must be the first two songs.

“I Wanna Be Sedated” by Ramones
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bm51ihfi1p4

“Train In Vain” by The Clash
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aUzBgeI5dpc

I knew their songs that got MTV play or pop radio play, but those two songs had moments where I knew I needed to listen more. 

There was so much more, and I found that I adored them.

I didn't really think of myself as a punk rocker though. I mean, I didn't see any safety pins or orange mohawks; maybe they weren't that punk (I know). It didn't mean that I had to like Sex Pistols.

However, when I saw a video for "Fall Back Down" by Rancid and liked it, they were definitely punk. I borrowed their CD from my sister, and I liked it a lot. Okay, fine, Gina is a punk rocker. But "Fall Back Down" was just the introduction; I surrendered on "Ruby Soho".

“Ruby Soho” by Rancid
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0P9QMkm9Eew

Ultimately, accepting my punk nature was freeing, and led me to consider other bands more seriously. That may have been a key step to becoming someone who reviewed bands, though many of the more punk adjacent ones will be showing up when I get to Emo.

This next song isn't actually anyone punk, but he is sometimes called proto-punk, and punk owes him a debt. And also, I totally got to see him live.

“Cry For Love” by Iggy Pop
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wI9vzh7CZIw

This is not his most punk song, but it was one that I had no idea existed until I specifically reviewed him, so that was a nice find. 

He does not roll around barely dressed in broken glass, which he also did not do at the concert I saw. However, look at the way he dances about in urban waste and desolation... Iggy Pop is still himself.

When I had the post on Native American artists, I mentioned concerns that I have not found as many Asian American and Pacific Islander and LatinX artists yet. However, things happen. For one thing, I think I do have enough AAPI artists for their own post and week. 

For LatinX artists, a good starting point was The First Rule of Punk by Celia C. Pérez. Many musicians come up in the text and in an after section. They are not all punk, but there are some good suggestions. 

I have only reviewed The Zeros so far, but I will get to Alice Bag, and I know enough to give her a song this time anyway.

https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2019/09/band-review-zeros.html

“Beat Your Heart Out” by The Zeros
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ojXhH0AP5x4

“Gate Crasher” by Alice Bag
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NRtYJOuw-0w

I have also recently learned of the existence of Bam Bam, featuring Tina Bell. I thought about including a song of theirs, but that is a little more grungy. I will get there.

It is nonetheless a reminder that there is more, and that as you start looking you will find it. That is why I look forward to where the following two articles are going to take me:

https://www.okayafrica.com/black-punk-bands-need-listen-to/

https://medium.com/@AestheticDistance/meet-the-asian-americans-of-a-new-inclusive-punk-scene-at-break-free-fest-8cd5cc65e1c0

But I should still include a song from a punk band that I reviewed. It came down to a choice between Direct Hit! or Pears:

https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2016/07/band-review-direct-hit.html

https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2016/10/band-review-pears.html 

The most interesting thing about that to me is that they both came from recommendations by other musicians. (Mike Kennerty for Direct Hit! and Dave Hause for Pears.) Most of my punk reviews do not come from new bands following me, but in other ways.

Why don't punk bands follow me? Is it me?

Possibly. Even after choosing Direct Hit!, the song I should have really chosen was "Paid In Brains", but I hate that video. Maybe I am not punk enough. Maybe that is why I still don't like Sex Pistols.

Alas; I can only be me.

“Was It The Acid?” by Direct Hit!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XO5SsmIBUo0

Upon finishing viewing of another season of Queen Sugar

The Season 5 finale of Queen Sugar aired Tuesday, and I am all caught up now.

I know there have been production challenges specific to COVID-19, but I am glad they found a way around them. I am grateful that they found a way to reflect the hellscape of a year that was 2020.

The first eight episodes of the ten-episode season were all titled after dates, starting with late February 2020. I had almost forgotten what "before" felt like. It all came back as characters started seeing and hearing news: that growing sense of dread.

Then they started talking about the vulnerability of the elderly. Fear for Mister Prosper clenched my heart. No, that's why we met Hollywood's mother, dammit. But then, the risk of contraction was not the only risk for the elderly. Prosper had to deal with loneliness, and repetitive watching of the news, and feelings of uselessness and helplessness.

Thank Heaven there are people who love him.

I have seen some of that. We try and keep tabs on people, but this has all been a lot.

There has been relief in watching something so emotionally true and looking at it with fresh eyes.

It has been helpful that there are still so many scenes of joy.

I have been especially impressed with the cycles that characters have gone through. That is in reference to their relationships, but not exclusively. 

Darla and Ralph Angel have been torn apart painfully, and reunited, twice. Between those reunions there was growth. Now they are growing together, getting better all the time.

I have complained about other shows rushing breakups and makeups, resulting in none of it really mattering. I am amazed at how much Queen Sugar covers in such short seasons. 

It is not impossible to believe that Davis can be better now, and that it could make sense for Charley to consider trusting him, even though he blew up her life so thoroughly before. After all, she had to work through that with Nova too.

In thinking about this post, I reviewed other times when I have written about the show. Not every single mention is down below, but there are a few. What struck me most was noting Nova's tendency to skip asking for permission, probably to avoid hearing "No". When I wrote that it was just about Too Sweet's bail; that was nothing compared to her book!

The book was intended for healing, and healing did happen. Could everyone have healed in a better way that respected boundaries? That sure seems likely, but the most overwhelming feeling is gratitude that the healing did come anyway, and that the ruptures that have happened have been healed.

Therefore, as we faced one final bomb dropping in this last episode of the most recent season (Is that 5 for 5 now? I think that's 5 for 5.), I find it completely possible to believe that there is a path forward. 

Even thinking that on the penultimate episode -- that there had to be a way forward for Nova and Calvin, and how that might look -- I did not picture it going in that direction. I thought there might be a step, but if we are looking at that level of reconciliation, that is going to cover a whole season, and there can only be a hint.

But that particular hint?

And yet there is still hope.

And that, of course, is the point. The characters of Queen Sugar are fictional, but they are gloriously human: flawed and beautiful, capable of good and evil, deserving of growth and love, sometimes finding grace, but having to work for it all the same.

 So as humans, that all applies to us too. There are prices to pay, but there are wonderful possibilities. 

And as much as we need to make it through this, just clenching and gritting until it is over will never get it over with. 

Make room for other people, and love, and beauty, and whether you have a chance to create joy or just grab on to some that is already there, take it.

For all of the things that may not be possible, love and healing still are.

Previous posts: 

https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2017/08/the-men-and-future-men-of-queen-sugar.html 

https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2017/08/a-death-in-family-via-queen-sugar.html 

https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2017/08/queen-sugar-nova-and-charley.html 

https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2017/12/queen-sugar-making-amends.html 

https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2019/06/juneteenth-black-music-month-and-queen.html 

https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2020/08/director-spotlight-ava-duvernay.html

About Jeopardy!

The other night on Jeopardy! a contestant (who won), got his chance to say "Make it a true daily double Alex." 

He said it to Anderson Cooper, but Anderson understood, and I did too.

Back when I was writing about my appearance, I think I mentioned it, but in the practice games I hit the daily double three times. Each time I said "Make it a true daily double", because there were no stakes.

That wasn't to Alex either, but I did finish one of those practice games with $60000. That would have been something.

I just got a notice of the last few guest hosts to round out this year, so I have been thinking about that.

I have not blogged about this a lot (except a little about Ken Jennings on the Sunday blog), but there have been a lot of opinions about the various guest hosts. I have had some individual exchanges, and the main thing I have said -- which has not satisfied anyone when their point was whom they wanted or did not want to see -- is that I did not anticipate a permanent replacement being announced until after the regular season end.

That is still the most important thing to me. My strongest sense of how things would feel for the crew there is the profound sense of loss and grief; they loved him so much. I mean, I still can't write about it without crying. So, without anyone saying it, but observing what they have done and extrapolating from that, I believe there is a strong sense that this, the 37th season, belongs to Alex. Even if someone must come after him, it won't be until after his last season is done.

When you have that limbo, it can be awkward, but it can also be a chance to celebrate friendships, by bringing in people who were friends with Alex and friends of the show.

So I get that if it is someone whom you don't like, there can be that reaction. Dr. Oz? Mayim Bialik? Ew! But so far no one has done a terrible job. Some have been surprising. I don't remember when Aaron Rodgers won Jeopardy!, but he was delightful, if possibly a bit too quiet. Cooper has a good voice for it, but the banter is lacking. Hosting is hard; but you don't know that when you are watching the good hosts because part of what makes them good is how easy they make it look.

My favorite has been executive producer Mike Richards, who did very well, but I don't know that he would want the job; maybe he prefers executive producing.

I am glad that LeVar Burton is getting a turn, because I know a lot of people want to see him hosting. In terms of the regular gig, I had wondered if they would want someone younger than Burton -- someone who could reasonably go another 35 years -- but then, you don't know. There's no guarantee about how long you will have with a 28 year old; this past year or so has taught us some things the hard way.

I would be curious to know if they reached out to the people Alex mentioned specifically: Alex Faust, Ben Mankiewicz, and Laura Coates. Those are also all people who have jobs. Did that also maybe become an idea of what qualities to look for?

For whatever decisions the show makes, I imagine they will be thinking about not only how well that person can do the job, and how much the audience will like them, but also how much they will like working with that person; would they want 35 years? Not as a replacement, but as someone they could respect and admire and love again. 

They do make a product that we consume, but they are people too, and they are a tight unit. I know.

I'll trust them to make their decision and announce it when they are ready. Now my prediction is out there too.

And, just to get it out of my system, I am going to be snarky about two hosts:

I believe most of the guest hosts were approached by the show, but my "ew" was Buzzy Cohen, and I would not be surprised if he were hanging around the studio pestering them: "I get a turn right?" "When do you want me?" "Remember, Alex and I talked about it."

Also, my objections to Ken Jennings are his mean streak and comfort with casual racism, but I also thought he would do a better job. He lacked the gravitas. It felt like he was a kid dressed up in a suit, and nervous someone was going to notice.

However, there was never a reason to think that being a good contestant would make you a good host. From a job experience perspective, Bob Harris would probably be the most natural fit, though I am a Brad Rutter fan.

Related posts:

https://preparedspork.blogspot.com/2021/01/the-company-you-keep.html

https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2011/12/and-alex.html

https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2011/12/best-set-in-hollywood.html

Travel bug

At this point, I am not blogging ahead, and I don't know what the next few posts will be.

Today I am taking a moment to post about one of the things I mentioned yesterday, with starting to travel.

I was a child in a family of seven, and we were not rich. Vacations when I was young meant piling in the car and driving North to Canada or South to California; if I-5 could go there, so could we. (East and West was for day trips.)

I liked that, but I always dreamed of other places too. One of my fantasies when I still thought I would be getting scholarships for college was that I would work for the summer then skip fall term to explore Europe via a railway pass and youth hostels. 

I did skip fall term, but that was just more working at Burlington Coat Factory, trying to save enough money for college.

Given that, convincing my mother and sisters that we needed to go to Disneyland for spring break when I was almost done with college is kind of amazing, but there was also a logic to it. 

Three of those childhood trips in the car did make it to Anaheim. There were some poor financial choices in there, where the ways in which my father funded those trips were not completely sound, but Disneyland was also a magical place. 

After my father left, we needed some magic, and I don't know that we could have managed something completely unfamiliar. There are no regrets about going. 

That started a tradition of my sisters and I going to Disneyland together, with Mom (who was not as into it) taking care of the pets. That was great, but there were all of these other places I wanted to go too. Getting there ended up requiring friends, at least at first.

Maybe it took a little while to feel like I had a grown-up income, and could do grown-up things. It took about four years after graduating college until I was determined to go somewhere! I was debating between Las Vegas, Philadelphia, Washington DC, or New York City. 

I told that to a friend from church. She told me, "I just sat through this sales pitch and have free airfare and hotel for Las Vegas." 

Well that was fortuitous.

So we went and we did almost everything that two non-partying people could do. Well, I did some things she didn't do, like the Shark Reef Aquarium at Mandalay Bay and the New York, New York roller coaster. We did not see the Fremont Street thing, but we did do the Star Trek thing, which does not even exist anymore. Also, we never ate $5 prime rib, even though we could see a sign for it out of our hotel window.

It was a good experience, and cheaper than I had any right to expect. (We did upgrade to some extra nights at the hotel, and there were meals and entertainment, but it was still very reasonable.)

In retrospect, I am glad that Tammy didn't want to do everything I wanted to do. Going out into a strange (but easily navigable) city was probably good for me.

A year later there was a terribly busy work season. I remember seeing an ad for Mexico, and fantasizing about getting away. I still didn't go anywhere new until another friend, Tara, called me and asked me to go with her to visit a mutual friend who had relocated to Washington DC. 

That was one of my other cities!

And I overdid the walking, and got sick on my last day, which was not ideal, but I still had a great time. I asked her to cruise to Mexico with me, and I got to go through that underground river in Xcaret. 

After that it became easier to be okay with travel, and going somewhere new and not worrying.

Before we went to Vegas, Tammy had this guidebook, and I pored over it, trying to plan the exact best itinerary, something that is actually a bit illusory, at least for the "exact best" part. 

I have nonetheless planned some pretty good trips for Hawaii, Mexico, Chicago, Philadelphia, Chicago, Toronto, Australia and New Zealand, and even Dublin -- a city I have never visited -- for other people.

I have done most of those with my sisters, but I can travel with other people, and I did Toronto completely alone. I have navigated an elderly woman with a failing memory and bad knees through some terrible airports.

Those are some good memories, but there is also a confidence in knowing some of the things I can handle, and help other people feel good about.

My first time on an airplane was when I was heading to the Missionary Training Center at 21 years old. My determination to do something before Tammy came along for Vegas may mean that I would have gotten somewhere anyway. Having half of my extended family in Europe probably would have gotten me there eventually.

It is also easy to get stuck in what you know.

We knew Disneyland, once, so that was a good starting place. There was a free ticket. There was a friend in DC. Now I don't mind if something is completely unfamiliar. (I will still do a lot of research.)

I don't doubt my ability to go anywhere.

Sometimes there still needs to be that little boost.

So thank you Dad, Mom, Julie, Maria, Tammy, Tara, and Heather. 

I don't know what happens next, but I will take it.

The awkwardness of progress

As wonderful as it was to cast off some old fears, that quickly led to a phase where I felt higher than normal frustration about the things that I still don't have down.

In addition, as I go over other prime events, declaring them resolved gets trickier.

For example, the next crisis chronologically -- after the depression over Reed (even though it was not really about Reed) -- is the job loss that occurred in 2008, right around the time the world economy crashed.

I did not go into a full depression, but I was not happy. There was some definite growth and understanding that had come out of it, by the time I was gainfully employed again. However, here I am jobless again.

Did I really learn everything I needed to?

Is there something I'm still not getting right?

Also, at the end of that one depression I did understand that my belief was wrong, and it was not impossible for someone to love me. However, I am still not in a relationship; it does feel like some additional progress should be possible.

I'm just saying, things are messier now, a result so typical of life.

The life phases that I think are significant are the unemployment from September 2008 to August 2010, getting onto Twitter and starting to look out for depressed teenagers in late 2012, getting laid off at the same time my mother required more care in 2016 (the other depression comes in here), and some mutual but fraught declarations of love in 2018. There is a lot in there.

As I think about them, I start to wonder about the times in between. In 2000, but more between 2005 and 2008, I started getting to some places I had always wanted to go. After my novel kept getting rejected I gave writing a break, but in 2008 I started writing sceenplays.

Are there some lessons in getting to things you want to do?

After I got hired in 2010, that cleared up one source of stress, but another tsunami of stress came forward. By the time that was all resolved, I was pretty burned out. I had to have one dream come true (going on Jeopardy!), and then be disappointing (I lost), and then go on another trip before reawakening kicked in, but when reawakening did kick in, it was glorious.

Twitter was a huge part of that reawakening, and then it brought on more stress. Worrying about so many people with eating disorders and self-harming and suicidal ideation... I took that to heart and there was some aching with that. It was also a part of my understanding my own value, and a part of building friendships, and a part of seeing the good I could do.

Even though that job in 2010 was a relief and did help, I had still lost ground financially; there were a lot of things where it was very hard to keep up. I had just gotten that under control when they laid me off. I had one month of feeling pretty stable.

There is all the psychology I have read since becoming a caregiver.

And, there is this time here, now, where my responsibility seems to be just to me -- which would be fine if it paid -- but somehow we are still surviving, even if it is always just by the skin of our teeth.

It does feel like it is winding down. Maybe there will be another resting period, where I can travel more and write creative things. 

Maybe I can go on a date again; the last time I did was 2011.

At least I am feeling optimistic.

Review Retrospective: Bands 301 - 400, 2016

I reviewed some music I really liked in 2016. I also reviewed music I hated.

What I realize now -- though I did not then -- is that a lot of the hated music came from rich kids goofing off because they could. ("Kids" may be used kind of loosely.)

There were two things that helped me realize it. One was reading about Mumford & Sons, including discussions on their shockingly wealthy backgrounds, and how it allowed them to persevere until people started listening to them.

The other factor relates strongly to doing this retrospective, in that I have been going through and checking links for old bands.

I can't say quite when the change occurred, but there was a time when it was pretty common to buy a web domain just for your band, if you could. Not only does that require someone with some basic skills designing it, but there is expense in hosting the page as well.

A lot of those old band sites don't exist anymore. Sometimes the bands don't either, but sometimes they do. Instead of the old site, they are using a Facebook page (less commonly Instagram or Twitter) as the main point of information. There are often other sites for obtaining the music, like Soundcloud, Bandcamp, or Youtube, but some social media site will have taken the place of the original site.

Some of the bigger bands -- that came out at times before free streaming and did well -- still do maintain the personal sites. I don't deny there are a lot of factors.

However, when you released an EP five years ago, and you haven't done anything since then, but you still pay for a home page? (Which often promises new music coming soon, or has new cute photos.) That indicates money to burn.

Then you see that they say Beverly Hills instead of Los Angeles, or notice other subtle indicators that this is not someone desperate for success. 

I recognize the signs better now. I also think it makes sense. 

I didn't know back in the day when I reviewed them and hated their music. I always tried to point out good things when I could, or advise who might like it, but they tended to be negative reviews.

It is probably not a coincidence, but this was the first section where in checking links I found someone who blocked me.

That was a sad case, actually. She came across as so tortured in the time where I was just following her, before I got to the review, and then there was no emotional depth. You're not tortured; you're self-pitying and bored. This might mean that when you were looking into trying an activity that appropriates the Sun Dance ceremony of the Plains Indians, that you are really just sensation seeking.

(I am sorry your father was a jerk, but understand that a lot of other people have that same problem.)

I also recently realized that with someone from the first 100 -- who is a great musician but that I just can't like -- it's because he is not really a kind person. He has suffered and I feel compassion for that, and he has depth, but he is also kind of a jerk.

This is not saying that jerks can't make good music; lots of examples disprove that. 

I am also not saying that rich people can't make good music, though fewer examples come to mind.

I do feel comfortable saying that coming from wealth makes it much easier to be shallow and superficial. It makes it much easier to be satisfied with middling efforts instead of really digging deep. That would be an obstacle to making great music.

That makes it more chilling how hard it is getting for anyone who is not already wealthy to pursue the arts. 

I should probably go back and re-read Scott Timberg's Culture Crash: The Killing of the Creative Class, but I did just read this essay in Sarah Kendzior's Flyover Country that you can read here:

https://www.aljazeera.com/opinions/20...

It relates.

For now, let me once again plug universal health care and basic income, for so many reasons.

But the songs for the week don't include anyone I hated. That was the most obvious theme for the blog, but it wasn't the whole story of the year, for which I am grateful

Daily songs:

“Salvation” by Blinking Underdogs -- For a week in which I was writing about Star Wars stuff, I reviewed Oscar Isaac's old ska band, which takes some digging. Because some of the files are hard to get at, I almost didn't include them, but someone posted a performance clip, therefore I had to. It appears he was in yet another band as well. I suspect I will check that out.

“Shotgun” by Heroes Like Villains -- I am anticipating this being a beautiful Saturday, and that goes with this sweet video from a pretty sweet band.

“Relatively” by Faded Paper Figures -- Also a good video for a sunny day, this had a sweet sound and is the song I remembered most from this band, though they have a lot to check out.

“Breathe Me In” by Consider Me Dead -- This one got stuck in my head back in the day. I think it holds up.

“Don't Drown” by Sighs -- Usually I pick songs that I still remembered years later. I had kind of forgotten this one, and it was a pleasant surprise. That is why mentioning specific songs in the reviews is helpful.

“Flightless Bird” by Scott Barkan -- Scott Barkan comes off as such a curmudgeon, and I am fond of him for that. My favorite song of his is "Crank Radio", but this is a pretty close second.

“Local Roses” by Dear Boy -- This one had to be last because I associate it more with a group of songs in 401 - 500. It was a song that I loved instantly, and still do.

Related posts:

https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2021/03/deconstructing-music-writing-mumford.html