Gina Harris's Blog, page 50
June 24, 2021
I, hypocrite
I found myself disagreeing with someone on Facebook this week, to the point where I was worried about offending them. It worked out.
It felt like a really important point to me, and a matter of empathy, which is why I kept going with it. Then I realized that I had gotten a lot of likes on a status of my own that was similarly flawed from an empathy point of view.
The one post was questioning the use of "adulting" and seemed to be a little annoyed, like do you want credit for doing the things you are supposed to do?
I get that, and I don't use the word myself. One frequent source of annoyance for me is when people try and add some flair to what they are saying. Often, this leads to the use of a similar word that sounds fancier but has a different meaning. I don't like that. It is still better than when it pulls up an expression with a racist history, which happens a lot.
In this case, I think people are trying to be cute because they are doing mundane, not-fun things, but that is what is going on in their life so if they are going to share something, that's it.
I have a lot of sympathy for not having much going on in your life except for responsibility.
Social media is for connecting, right? Some people do brag a lot, and some people overshare and regret it later, and some people have their primary mode of engagement as rude responses, sometimes followed with "LOL".
"Adulting" is pretty harmless, I think.
But then I was mean about a complainer.
I am not friends with this person, so it seemed safe to comment. We know a lot of the same people.
She called her face mask a "torture device".
That is so over the top, coming from someone who has clearly never been tortured, that I might have said something about it for that alone. However, also, she is frequently negative about the most innocuous things, and it was just like, "Come on!"
And I got 24 likes, including one from her sister.
Another way of interacting on social media is to complain a lot. I mean, you can't post cat pictures if you don't have a cat.
It occurred to me that while I do not like her because she is a miserable person, that she is a miserable person. Some of that is a sense of superiority that doesn't pay off, but probably some of it is brain chemistry and things that are not her fault.
Also life is hard, and the pandemic has been hard, even if wearing a face mask -- especially for someone who works from home -- is not the hardest part of it.
People are stupid and annoying a lot. Sometimes making fun of them acts as a salve for putting up with them. But they are still people.
I plan to think twice about mocking people going forward, especially on social media.
June 23, 2021
Money talks
A connecting thread between Monday's and Tuesday's posts goes to a lifelong problem of mine: I hate asking for money.
Technically, I hate asking for anything. We covered that in February.
I guess money is more of an issue because it's so practical; when would it not come in handy?
On the most basic level, this means that while I can be a good worker in a variety of jobs, including ringing up purchases that shoppers have already decided on, I have always avoided sales (and collections).
It has also meant that while I have at times tried innovations like linking my Paypal to my blog, or promoting my novels, and though I have done the occasional Facebook fundraiser, those things also give me stomach cramps.
At the same time, I often don't want to charge for things.
Some people do like my blog. There are things like Patreon subscriptions. I know that, but I don't think the amount of money I could take in could possibly be worth shutting some people out, especially if I am writing about something important.
For the record, I have looked at including ads. While that might be more reasonable than a paywall, I believe it would make the reading experience much more annoying. For the amount of revenue it brings in, it doesn't seem worth it.
When I have done well financially, it is generally because I was dealing with someone who not only believed that I would do a good job, but was also ethical, maybe even generous. I know people who could have low-balled me and didn't. However, get a few changes in management and it becomes a source of resentment instead.
That means that as I examine potential career paths, anything that would require a great deal of self-promotion is unappealing.
It also makes the wage question very stressful.
It is hard to assert my worth. Desperation doesn't help.
That is why my saying that I could not live on the pay for the one job was an amazing step forward. Unless it backfires. As I wait to hear from this most recent round of job applications, I admit to worrying.
It's been a while since I remember feeling so much fear. That doesn't feel like me. I know my confidence has taken a hit over the last few years, but when does it come back?
Clearly this post does not have a strong central theme, and is kind of a bummer (therefore how could I charge for it?), but here are three purposes it serves.
This is an update of where I am now. Earlier posts about various emotional issues and early trauma totally relate. I don't always stress that I am against capitalism -- I mean, I am still participating in it, whether I like it or not -- but that I am anti-capitalist should not surprise anyone. Capitalism sucks.There will eventually be much more detailed and less personal posts about capitalism sucking, but I'm still studying.
Related posts:
https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2021/02/always-somehow-wrong.html
https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2021/02/failure-to-communicate.html
June 22, 2021
Speaking of job hunting...
The job that I am most optimistic about now is one that I applied for online, but that a former coworker recommended me for. I got an interview because of that recommendation. In fact, the interviewer tried to find my original application among the others and couldn't, but they routinely get hundred of applications.
Applying for a different job around the same time, I finally heard back from them. I was not in the eliminated group, but I was not in the group going forward either. They had so many applicants that there are many qualified applicants that they will not interview unless a large percentage of the group chosen for interviews doesn't work out.
About those signs that say no one wants to work anymore...
Yes, people want to work. They have also learned that life is short.
They have learned that some employers might furlough you, take PPE loans and put that toward management and executive pay -- because they never cared about you -- and then be very offended that you are not loyal when they want you back.
I have not blogged about this, but I did post about it on Facebook. I had applied for another job with an old employer. I did get an offer, but the pay was too low for me to live on, as well as being less than my starting wage with the same company in 2010. It was a different position, yes, but also, it has been eleven years.
I did not refuse the job. I said it would not be enough money and left an opening.
Having done the math, it was $4.05 less per hour than I need. It would take three weeks wages per month just to make the house payment.
If they offered even $2.55 more per hour, while life would still be a struggle I would have taken it. That would have shown me that they valued me and what I could bring to the position.
They said "Thank you" and ended the call.
I would not be valued, was my takeaway. They didn't even care how much more I wanted.
I believe it would have been different if I had been negotiating with the initial interviewers, whom I know really liked me. This company has all of the negotiation done by HR, and their HR is also known for being very cliquish and holding grudges. (This is why there is no point in even looking there again for at least another decade.) I understand the policy, but I think it has drawbacks.
Here is the other thing: for someone who has been working anywhere in the food industry, chances are the wage that is too low for my expenses would be a significant raise for them. And, while it would certainly be viewed as more professional, there is a good chance that a lot of waiters and cashiers and bus staff could do it. They have experience in dealing with the public and they are certainly more tech-savvy than when I entered the work force... they can do it. A lot of them probably already have.
Let us turn our attention to the following headline:
"Desperate employers in Ohio luring workers with pay, perks and pizza"
Notice that the first desperate measure mentioned is raising starting pay to $15 an hour, a wage that many have been fighting to make the new minimum wage. This is what desperation looks like in the corporate world: paying people money that they might be able to live on.
Notice this one:
"Some shareholders say they are frustrated that corporate profits went to actual workers before them"
This is a good thing. If the stock market doing well requires the working force to be doing poorly, screw the stock market.
When stocks go up, they're more expensive, right? And that's considered a good thing for the people who have stocks, but it does not automatically translate into a tangible good for the economy. We have seen many companies making profits lay off employees to try and increase stock prices. It offends me how wrong that is.
Finally, one last quote from someone I hate:
"Nowhere else in America can businesses get away with agreeing not to pay their workers a fair market rate on the theory that their product is defined by not paying their workers a fair market rate." -- Brett Kavanaugh on the NCAA antitrust case.
As it is, he is kind of wrong with assuming that's a given. If you look at the arguments against that $15 minimum wage, they often come down to the price on fast food going up, and then devolve into arguments that those are low-skilled workers who aren't worth a living wage anyway.
Well, they are moving on. They have a right to, and I am glad for them.
I really want something to work out for me too, but I don't need other people to suffer for it.
June 21, 2021
Now what?
Friday I mentioned that with those last two posts done, there was a relief to having completed things that were important to me and that had worried me.
The release is still there, but it has raised further questions.
I suppose it was connecting the defense of James Dewees to the school board elections. In both cases, here was something that felt very important, and that I was noticing things that other people were missing. Also, both involved a fair amount of research.
It felt good writing them. There was agitation too, but it ultimately was satisfactory following clues and finding answers. It felt good writing it out.
I might be a reporter. I might be a crusader.
While I don't have much in the way of training, I do have a sharp mind, including a good memory and skill at making connections, and a good grasp of the English language.
Unfortunately, I am quite positive that I can't make a living at this.
People who have been completed journalism school and won awards for their work are struggling to make a living; this is not a good time to break in.
In the past, my writing has always been disconnected from making a living anyway, but for most of that time period I had a job that was at least getting by.
That seems like less of an option now. It is hard to assess how much of my exhaustion is residue from the care giving and will continue to get better, or how much of it is just being older and much more beaten down by the world. I know that once I am working again -- which needs to be soon -- I won't be able to keep up with the pace of reading and writing and researching that I am doing. I am not satisfied with my pace now, so subtracting (at least) 40 hours per week is not going to improve that.
That's fine. That is life. I am just trying to sort out a path that seems right.
The other downside to this need to raise alarms and advocate and teach is that I don't really have much of an audience. I mentioned that in the post about the press failing us. If something is really important, and attention and change is needed, I am not particularly helpful for that.
Would anyone famous like to hire me to be their ghost writer?
(For clarity, on publish day most of my blog posts gets between 20 to 30 views. It is less for the music posts, but they were higher before the break. After a few weeks the page hits go up into the 90s, usually. I don't know if those are unique views or repeats.)
I could work on building up my reader count, but it would probably require building up my Twitter count.
Currently, my social media is mostly relationship based. I do follow some people who don't follow me, but I like them or think they tweet good things. Mostly I see tweets from people I care about, and can somewhat keep track of, and that's the way I like it.
Do I change that?
I have had this idea that if fame seemed likely, I would lock @sultryglebe and keep that for my friends, then build a new account for the public/promotional side.
That does not sound like any fun at all.
There you have my dilemma. Perhaps it is not too different from that of lots of people. How do I make what I do meaningful? How much do I have to give? How do I make the next house payment?
I am not sure I can answer those questions until my job situation is resolved. Then, it might literally be a matter of putting meaning on hold for a while.
Plus, if I start trying to build a follower count, and then I can't maintain it while working full time (I had more readers before my posting frequency started dropping), well, does it even make sense to try?
Related post:
https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2021/06/how-and-why-press-is-failing-us.html
June 18, 2021
Review Retrospective: James Dewees
This is the 22nd review retrospective, and the finale. I am taking a moment to savor that.
My last posted review was on April 20th, 2020. The frequency had been declining for a while. The distance I felt from where I had been seemed insurmountable. Spending this time filling out the spreadsheet and working on playlists and just remembering, I feel the ability -- and an eagerness -- to try it again.
As it was, that last review was Reggie and the Full Effect, and that is my favorite band. For all the musicians who have participated, though, that project is James Dewees, and he feels like the appropriate point of reference.
For things that I want to do but can't get to, often it means I am starting wrong. I could not write my first review unless I made it The All-American Rejects. Trying to fight that is why their review appeared almost two months after I saw them.
I could not make writing the retrospective work until I started it with My Chemical Romance. They were the start of my getting back into music then, even if I was trying to forget that because I am not sure how mad I am at them now.
(Also, I now feel that I was remiss in not giving the Misfits a song; "Saturday Night" should have been in there.)
James has to be the culmination, because of the role he has played in me reviewing music. I have written more reviews for him than anyone else, with six. The runner up is a tie between Torche and Fall Out Boy, at three each, and there are lots of doubles. In addition to that last one, review 665 (after 654 unique bands and artists), the first time was as my 27th review, and 28th band.
There was a lot of ground covered in between. I do cringe at some of the early reviews. I am also still proud of them, in a way, but I like to think I've gotten better.
As I was coming alive again after a period of burnout -- and it was about writing but it was through music -- James was a part of that, even though I was not aware of him. I remember an interview where Ray Toro was talking about how My Chemical Romance puts songs together, and he mentioned that their keyboardist knew a lot about music and often had ideas. MCR has influenced a lot of bands, and The Get Up Kids have too, including bands I was listening to then. I think there is better music in the world because of James Dewees, beyond what is credited to him.
Then, once I did know that he existed, and that he had his own music, "Take Me Home Please" struck me like a bolt of lightning. Specifically, it struck in the heart and infatuated me.
I had fallen for musicians many times on the strength of songs and vocal delivery. That wasn't even just as a teenager; as a child that included Shaun Cassidy and Bob McGrath! However, it has been a while. Part of that reviving after feeling so burned out was kind of feeling younger again, like all of that spirit was not irretrievably lost. So, even though it felt embarrassing to have a musician crush at that age, and it was a relief to get past that and just be able to like him as a person, it was also a good thing to have the crush happen.
It was not the first Kickstarter I followed and contributed too, but James did the updates well, and some of his tiers were a bit more creative than usual. It was interesting to observe on that level.
It was even more interesting, though, because those updates meant hearing early recordings of a song, and hearing their development to the finished album. That is not something that I had really gotten to hear before, and that was fascinating.
As it was, with the initial review, the new album, and then a concert when he toured on the new album, half of the six reviews were written within less than a year of each other.
In addition to the strong emotional response, I really appreciated the variety. He could do so many different types of music, and change up styles so quickly and keep it working within the same song.
It would be easy to underestimate him, because the titles were generally so silly and there was so much self-deprecation. The first three album titles were jokey enough to possibly count as a form of self-sabotage.
1999: Greatest Hits 1984 - 1987: The Lord of the Bling -- His debut, titled to appear to be a compilation album from a band you never heard of.
2000: Promotional Copy -- Seeing this title, record store customers expected it to be free.
2003: Under the Tray -- Despite a diagram showing the CD being under the CD tray, many customers bought it, found the case empty, and returned it. I suspect this is why I have never been able to find a physical copy of this one, the only Reggie album I do not own.
Things got more serious after that. Songs Not To Get Married To from 2005, inspired by his divorce, may still have some jokes, but there is a lot of hurt and anger informing it.
Then you have 2008's Last Stop: Crappy Town about rehab. I'll circle back to that, but the next step for me was really when 41 came out in 2018. The Kickstarted album, 2013's No Country For Old Musicians, was really more like the first three, almost a return to normal before tragedy struck again.
Inspired by losing his mother and mother in law to cancer while his second marriage was ending, 41 has no skits. There is still humor in some of the topics, but it is also very raw.
As someone who was being really crushed by care giving, even for only one person, and having to think about the eventual parental loss and just trying to be so much stronger and capable than I really felt, this album read and soothed my heart. I needed it, more than I have ever needed any album.
I reviewed the album just a month before seeing him in concert again. Normally I might have waited -- I think I found out about the tour late (caregiver!) -- but I was processing different things, and there being two reviews is fine. He was helping me with burnout again.
If that was all I ever got from him, it would be more than enough, but then he released Crappy Town.
That had initially been my least favorite, on initial reaction. I had started to appreciate it more, slowly, but then hearing the tracks that had been cut, and having experienced more life and music too, realistically, I was able to appreciate it at a whole new level. It is a brilliant album, and aching, and angry.
The jokes could make it easy to underestimate, but also it would make it easy to overlook the emotion. It's easy to do that with people who seem like they are coping okay, but it's a mistake. The pain is there, and sometimes he can get at things better by using a pun or something absurd for distance.
And now, even after all of that, I still keep finding songs that even though I have heard them before, I keep hearing new things in them, and appreciating them more. It might eventually happen with every song. (Except the spoken part on Good Times, Good Buds, Good Tunes.)
So for now, even though there is only this one post (though technically this whole blogging week was leading up to yesterday and today, maybe not obviously), Reggie and the Full Effect gets 14 songs.
Plus, with yesterday's post, and even with the response to the Noisy slam, he might be part of me realizing that I am a crusader, though I am not sure what I am going to do with that.
For now, 14 songs. Then I have almost 100 lines of notes from these 22 posts, of songs that didn't fit into the 161 daily songs, or bands that had new releases, and new band reviews should come. I'm ready now.
Daily songs:
“Take Me Home Please” -- Here's where it all started. Also, one of my favorite videos of all time.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GtRkpk67wG4
“Kanji Tatoos... Still In Style?” -- This song off of the Kickstarter album had the strongest initial impact on me. It still feels like hop.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jgjtf4GgGKw
“E” -- This was the first song off of Crappy Town that made me realize I had not heard it right. There was more to come.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lKcqf7ZY4fk
“Congratulations Matt and Christine” -- This was the first of his songs that I hadn't thought made an impression, but passages of music came back to haunt me later.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g4kQk5rKM7I
“Get Well Soon” -- I did like this song right away, but it was only much later that I was able to see the video. About divorce, it has a devastated Loch Ness monster after losing the lake in his divorce. It would be unbearable with a human, and so gives a stronger impression with the puppet.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kGW1ceFeNfE
“Happy V-Day” -- This was a pretty popular song, and I didn't have anything against it, but I remember really learning to love it watching it performed at Revolution Hall. It's a great song.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-wt97q1ArBo
“Broke Down” -- This was the song that immediately spoke to me off of 41.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=smp-vNyoGTw
“The Horrible Year” -- I wish I could believe that his horrible year had ended. Speaking of being able to do more by cloaking the seriousness, that scream at the end is incredibly real and brave to me. It's compounded by the promise that the scream interrupts, letting you know that it wasn't kept.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VucpUeJUV00
“New Year's Day” -- This is the song that hit me most as a care giver, with all of the worries and exhaustion that came with that. It felt like it was predicting my future, though that has taken some detours.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rJqypGoDK_w
“Fought And Won One” -- This is another one that started coming back to me later, possibly (definitely) at a time when I was just getting tired of fighting it all.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KHuv3MRWWWU
“R” -- It is kind of miraculous that I am using three songs from Crappy Town. This one stands out because it is the one that is the most energetic without incorporating any hardcore. Instead of the anger, it is the attempt to rally and make it.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_7PriFwWpJ8
“Smith and 9th” -- The tempo and texture work well with the theme of the inertia and the train journey, but what stays with me is the line, "Hold on to hope, and hope it lets you breathe." Sometimes it doesn't.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FwhnM_J80Z0
“What's Wrong” -- I also have two songs from Greatest Hits, which does not have much in the way of official releases, but it's some good stuff, so I had to put it out there.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dq2wGMnP24s
“Another Runaway Song” -- One reason I totally get the Kickstarter is that this earliest album has the worst sound quality, and budget matters for that. Still, listen to the complexity on this song.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3sXEYmLe3MY
James Dewees is a genius. I don't think he would ever say it, but that doesn't have to stop me.
June 17, 2021
James Dewees is not a predator
This is not my story, but I am still aware of it and it bugs me.
James Dewees is my favorite musician, and the one whose work has meant the most to me personally. As I finish the retrospective it is appropriate to end with him, but as I thought about writing it I keep remembering the accusations.
Previously when I have reviewed his work or given him one of the daily songs, there was a part of me hoping that someone would object so I could just go off and clear the air. That never happened, which may mean people will read this and think "Who?" All shall be explained.
James Dewees is a musician who has played with many bands, including New Found Glory and Coalesce, more famously The Get Up Kids and My Chemical Romance, and his own band, Reggie and the Full Effect.
Getting disclosure out of the way, we have talked at shows four times, the last time being June of 2018, and he has done video conferencing concerts for me twice, once through Kickstarter, and once through a promotion. We were also friends on Facebook, but I was added in with 200 over friend requests. I do follow him on Twitter and Instagram, and he does not follow back.
He does recognize me and know me by name in person, and recognizes many fans that way. I am not sure he would recognize my Twitter profile as me. We are not in contact. I did send him e-mail that I was doing this, but I am not confident that he is checking e-mail. Most of what I know is from Facebook or Instagram, and I will specify where things came from.
The story is mainly from Instagram, and it starts here:
https://www.instagram.com/beentherefeltthatoverit/
The first accusations of James being a sexual predator came in August 2019, and I heard of it no later than September.
My first reaction was that didn't sound like James, but that is a normal reaction; it doesn't get us anywhere to assume that someone is not abusive just because they have never abused you. The answer is to listen, so I read through every single post.
There was some bad behavior mentioned that I did not think sounded like James, but probably more to the point was that there wasn't really any predatory behavior described. They used the term "predator", but they didn't back it up.
I don't have perfect recall for this, because later they locked the page. When it was open again there were some things that I could tell had changed.
Because of the changes, I created a document and started copying things in, just in case there were more changes or the page got locked again. There are some screen shots in my document, but most of the information was in the comments, so I copied and pasted it. I did that April 21st, 2020, and it was even more clear at that point that James is not a predator.
There were two things that I remembered for sure that had changed. One was that before the lockdown they had said that before they released proof they needed to gain 50 likes. That is referenced on a post from September 9th, but they said that it was "sad that you can't make a joke". That was recanted so early I think they must have gotten a lot of criticism for it.
The other thing I remember for sure though was that they said he was threatening to release nudes of them, and that post was gone after they re-opened. There was a later reference to fear of him sending out nudes, but not that he was threatening.
To me, it looks like what happened during the locked period was a removal of anything that could easily require proof -- like a threatening text message -- if it came to a defamation case.
They do post text messages, and we'll get to that, but in terms of specific accusations about harassment or grooming or anything like that, it was gone. Then it becomes things like, "She is an adult but she looked young!" which does not make someone a predator. There is a screenshot of an exchange with a woman who was creeped out after reading their page because James kissed her on the cheek once, though she wasn't opposed to it but now she felt weird... that also does not make him a predator. (9/9/19)
The earlier complaints seem to be more about money, implying that he used women for money, except it seems retroactive after there was no proof of other things.
A common case that you see on Judge Judy is that a couple will break up and separate. Then someone retroactively wants rent or money for food that was a "loan". The judge usually throws it out, because they were living as a couple and couples do share resources.
I suspect that what they really wanted to say is that James Dewees is a loser. Probably they could get James to agree to that, though I don't think that would really be right or fair on either side. Of course, if they made a page calling James Dewees a loser, many people would respond that they were mean or bitches, but that doesn't mean you get to lie.
From Facebook and Instagram, I remember James having one fairly long relationship after his divorce, and then jumping into newer relationships quickly. Each time she was the kindest, sweetest, and most beautiful, and then those posts would disappear, implying a breakup.
Some people have a really had time being alone; that doesn't make them predators. Even if you move in quickly because you are housing insecure, that is not necessarily predatory. (It is also unlikely to make them happy, and many of us have friends for whom that is an issue, but that is a separate problem.)
Here's what I remember about those relationships. He hired the first one as his tour manager and she was always posting pictures of going backstage at shows, constantly taking advantage of guest passes. The one after was a tattoo artist whom he was helping book new clients, including by taking her on the road, allowing her to make appointments at places on tour. For the one after that I remember him hunting down a video game part for her child. Maybe he was broke a lot, but he seemed to be contributing in other ways.
If you wanted to date a rich rock star, you needed to do it when people still regularly paid for music (or in his case, before his divorce).
By the time of the last post to date, June 26, 2020, the focus is on him throwing away friendships and using people. They hope he gets exposed for something; they don't care what.
One important thing to point out is the things that they use against him now are all things out in the open. James has used drugs; he wrote an entire album about rehab. They mention his issues with taxes; he has mentioned that himself. Their page header links to a Noisy article that criticized his Kickstarter for No Country For Old Musicians. That article was a piece of crap that I wrote about in 2013.
https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2013/11/bad-music-writing.html
Here is what they say about it (9/8/2019):
Enjoy this nice article someone kindly sent about his $$$Kickstarter asking fans for an ungodly amount of money to make a record. Pfffft, right... For a record... Click link in bio.
Having participated in a few Kickstarters, the project total was pretty reasonable, and he did make the record, but it was just about hating James, where he could not do anything right anymore.
They said they are tired of not feeling safe at shows (this was from Aug 6th, 2019, but appears to have been taken down) and want to make venues safer, but when someone mentions other unsafe musicians, "please stop mentioning people and bands that have nothing to do with this specific situation" (9/9/19).
When James tried to schedule things to make money, they replied on his page criticizing him for thinking of himself instead of the events in the world, then posted a screenshot of that, after he had announced a fundraiser, saying they could not trust him to donate (6/26/20).
They posted about someone not receiving merch that had been ordered, and scoff at people replying that they did get theirs. Yes, if you are accusing someone of sexual harassment, finding out that they fill orders promptly is not relevant. However, if in your case demonstrating that someone is a terrible person and should be unemployable and shunned, one of your strong points is that he does not fill merch orders, then that does matter. (9/8/19 "Oh geez here we go... So some of you got your merch. Good for you...")
That screenshot also criticizes him for not working through a legit label. Lots of musicians don't, and someone fired by their label might have a hard time doing it anyway, even if that were preferred.
On April 16th, 2020 there is a screenshot of a message exchange. As James admits he does not think he is being asked back to My Chemical Romance, he says "Gerard made some weird excuse" and Frank "danced around the excuse". Their response? "He talked about his friends, his brothers this way". "Weird" is not a condemnation of anyone in that band.
Here is the problem: people don't look into allegations. There were people who didn't believe right away, and they have said that they are getting some harassment from people who don't believe them. I believe that because it happens to everyone who makes accusations, and that is wrong.
But there are also people who accepted immediately and didn't even bother to understand. I saw a tweet that James was trying to do a Kickstarter for his next album and they were down on that; certainly not the worst takeaway from it all, but that was two albums ago.
That is still better than a reference to "pedo" James, when no one has said that, but because they said predator, that is what some people are taking away.
This does not help anyone. It doesn't make anyone safer.
I admit that going through their posts was and remains tedious, but the information is out there, it is faulty, and it is like it doesn't matter.
There are two things I notice this time around that I hadn't before. One, I think the key source of the anger may be found in a reference to someone's marriage breaking up (8/8/19). If I was in a stable relationship and threw that away for someone else that didn't work out, I am sure I would have some feelings. But I would still be the one who had the marital commitment.
If James is a cheater, that will not be my favorite thing about him, but it's not something that tends to get musicians fired.
I say "if" because while that one could be true, that there is so much other deceit makes me skeptical about everything they write, including whether it is really "they".
The other thing is that I had started feeling like all of the posts sounded like the same writer, despite an early post saying there were twelve of them. So that part about him targeting single moms and the sick and depressed (8/4/19)... okay, again his own Instagram posts, that one girlfriend would have been a single mother, and this other friend does have health problems... did someone assume all of the other former girlfriends would join in?
There is a post from June 26, 2020 where they refer to a women with James "whom we thought was one of our own. We hope she wakes up, if any woman has self worth they would stay away from this man"
Because I also seem to remember a very warm Facebook message from James' ex-wife thanking him for his help with her dying mother during their divorce. Not all exes are bitter.
In one respect, the thing that seems the most damning is that James is no longer with MCR or TGUK. Neither band gave any details, but a post from March 26, 2020 seems to show Polyvinyl (The Get Up Kids' label) saying that they take these accusations seriously, and have no tolerance. It may have been a decision on the part of the labels.
I have seen two bands break up because of one member being a sexual predator (Lostprophets and another that followed me on Twitter and then deleted everything right before I reviewed them). Both of them issued strong condemnations on the band member. That didn't happen here.
I also get that if someone in the band is always broke and moving around and wants to bring his girlfriend on tours but the girlfriends change, and also maybe sometimes he lets confidential information slip like that a very private member of the band has another child... maybe it is easier to just let go when one more issue comes up.
And still, none of that makes him a predator. And if people would read things thoroughly, rather than deciding whether or not they can live without someone and simplifying matters that way, that would do much more to make venues safer and more equal.
This doesn't help anyone. It certainly doesn't get any money back to someone who doesn't feel like they got a good return on their investment. It doesn't repair a broken marriage, unless there was some weird pact where reconciliation depended on destroying the one who came between them.
If that was the case, I would think it worked. James hasn't posted on Instagram since September 21st, 2020, and his Facebook has been deleted (probably right after his father died, but I am not sure). You must be very proud.
I remain angry. It offends my sense of justice and fairness, it reinforces my frustration with ignorance, and it doesn't seem to have any higher purpose than pure spite.
I do not know that this post will accomplish anything, but much like the school board elections, I had to do it, and I am not going to regret that.
The only thing I did not do was contact the reporter they said they were working with, marc@pitchfork.com whom they frequently asked people to send their stories too. On January 11th, 2020 they said they couldn't wait on Pitchfork anymore because they wanted to remain anonymous. I suspect there wasn't anything they could give to Pitchfork that wasn't posted; that declaring open season would bring out something incriminating, but it failed. However, I know that there is no benefit to the reporter to answering questions like that to an obscure blogger, and there could be definite liability.
Though if lawyers wanted to pursue defamation, I believe they could demonstrate material harm.
I don't even know that's the answer, but this current result sucks.
June 16, 2021
Looking for better ways
Over the past few years I have mentioned a few times some accusations that I believed to be false that really bothered me. I didn't write more than that because it was not my story to tell. Tomorrow, I'm telling it.
It's still not my story, but I feel like I need to do it, so that's the plan.
There was another thing that made me reluctant to write about this. There can be some variation depending on whether we are specifically talking about rape or sexual harassment or something related, but regardless, statistically over 90% of the accusations are true. I have questioned whether it was harmful to focus on one of the exceptions.
"Let the falsely accused take one of the the team!" doesn't sound quite right on its own, especially for someone you care about. In addition, the process that leave false accusations unanswered is the same one that ignores the true accusations. That can't be the answer.
I have spent time thinking about how we make things better. I don't necessarily have great, easily implemented solutions, but I am at least putting them out there.
One thing that seemed key is that to resolve a false allegation you could not have a Non-Disclosure Agreement. Those are a frequent hallmark of cases where women who have credible claims settle, so if nothing else it would give a wrong impression.
Here's the funny thing: I can't find it now, but I seem to remember reading criticism of Gloria Allred -- who handles many such cases -- for opposing an end to NDAs.
Those agreements are the tool of the oppressor in one way, but if they also provide the incentive where someone with assets gives someone he harmed the tools to rebuild her life (it is almost always "her"), I can see how a lawyer would worry about that.
Perhaps the answer to that is not so much more silence-bound settlements, but more tools for everyone. If we actually had universal health care and it included mental health parity, for example, and if there were not income inequality, but lots of options for different kinds of meaningful careers that were easily accessible... okay, then clearly we are entering the realms of fantasy, but do things really need to be so difficult?
Because under the current system, it is driven by power imbalances. That men are more likely to be able to accumulate wealth, that when they do they are more likely to be considered geniuses that often encourages tolerance of bad behavior, not only gives cover to powerful men but also motivation to less powerful men to assert power over someone. That is all part of rape culture.
That men who would never rape and would probably never be physically violent to a woman still can't handle a woman blithely disagreeing with them, admit they have an issue and they think all of this talk and wanting to do something is overkill? That is also part of rape culture.
And, too often, those power dynamics are deeply entwined with who does get prosecuted, and who gets believed and who gets punished.
So, I suspect my real conclusion is that we need to move away from dominator culture, where we give up on a hierarchy that tells us whom we can dish it out to, and whom we have to take it from. That sounds like the realm of fantasy again, but it's one worth working for.
On the way, though, then an important step is listening to claims and checking them out.
There is a hash tag #BelieveWomen. Some people criticized it as too much, because women can lie, but you could also argue that sometimes the issue isn't so much that the words are doubted as that they are ignored and not allowed to get in the way of what other people (men) want.
#ListenToWomen can be better, especially as a way of achieving balance in general when so much has been male-dominated for so long. But, if we are talking about harassment and assault, sometimes we will be listening to men, and to non-binary people. They also need to be free to come forward.
If we can decide that we do not want people to be abused, and listen when they say they are and work on that, and if we can put the well-being of victims above the comfort of their abusers, especially because we have decided that money or intelligence or physical strength don't give you the right to abuse... that is not currently reality, but it is a reality worth working for.
Recommended reading:
Teaching to Transgress: Education as the Practice of Freedom, bell hooks; Routledge 1994.
The Chalice and the Blade: Our History, Our Future, Riane Eisler; HarperOne 1987.
Catch and Kill: Lies, Spies, and a Conspiracy to Protect Predators, Ronan Farrow; Little, Brown, and Company 2019.
June 15, 2021
How we fail ourselves
Writing about how the press wasn't coming through for us yesterday, I thought today would be about ways in which the readership isn't coming through. It's also us!
I mean, yes, The New York Times and The Oregonian are behind paywalls now, and that is more frustrating when you consider how often their takes are bad, and yet QAnon-themed conspiracy theory videos are free and easy to find. The more you click, the deeper the algorithm will take you.
So, that is a problem, as is the increasing profit-chasing conglomeration of news companies. However,it is also the public.
Just this morning I saw a link to piece I had heard about, by a woman who put down a dog that kept biting people, after using muzzles and trainers and identifying stressors and not finding any re-homing options.
I read the article and empathized; it sounded like a hard but reasonable decision. It appeared in my timeline because the many people slamming the author for her decision included someone I follow.
That is an emotional issue, and I get people having strong feelings about it, but there were two problems with it. Many of the criticisms seemed to not have read the article or paid attention. There were criticisms for not trying things that she did try and for feelings that she did not have.
Did they not read the article? Were emotions so high that they could not take in some of the information?
I don't know, but the other problem was a remark saying that all of the supportive responses were from corporate accounts or blue checks (verified Twitter accounts, usually high follower counts). That was also not true, but it was used to invalidate anything other than criticism.
Next week I am probably going to want to write about the pandemic. I remember a while back reading about the countries with the worst responses, and the thing that was fascinating is the leaders of those countries had also run very similar populist campaigns.
(I can't find the article now, but I believe it was Trump, Putin, Duterte, and Modi.)
Populism is often remembered as the little guy taking on the big guy. The starting wealth and influence of some of the key populists is often brushed aside, and certainly in these last few years, the "them" includes a lot of marginalized people. However, maybe none of that is as important as the fact that it is an ideology based on enmity.
Maybe this is how compromise becomes a dirty word.
I am sympathetic to that; there are some things that should never be compromised on. For me, that is primarily equality, and the humanity of others. The way I get there is not by dehumanizing those who disagree with me; then I am losing what's important.
(Also, I like to think that acknowledging the humanity of others and the need for equality is a strong enough argument that it doesn't require dehumanizing.)
This is my long way of saying that maybe the reason that reading comprehension is not working out is that too many people aren't interested in it if they interpret it as the words of an enemy.
(Let me just throw in that Sanders is also very much a populist, and that we had two populists on opposite sides has exacerbated everything.)
Two books come to mind, and maybe I will just keep recommending books this week. I will list them below, but one is about conspiracy theories: how they take hold, and their appeal. That's something worth thinking about now.
The other is about online harassment, by someone who faced a lot of it, and now helps others.
What impressed me most about Quinn was the humanity that they allowed to online abusers. It would be easy to write the abusers off as pathetic and evil, and certainly not interested in the truth. However, having created a villain in their mind, in their minds they become heroes for that harassment. A person has become a symbol of a problem, and then is eligible for abuse.
Literally dehumanization. The opposite is empathy.
I have kept Quinn's book on my desk for over a year now. Mostly that is because I keep meaning to go through and examine my own internet hygiene and vulnerability, but also because of that reminder. I keep the book there for when I am dealing with people who are being loud, obnoxious, wrong, and maybe even abusive, but that I must remember are still human.
"By dubbing them 'those people', we are also explicitly setting ourselves apart as if we aren't one of them and thus can't be part of the problem. Therein lies the most common trap we fall into when trying to make the internet a safer place: framing it as a war of good people versus bad people instead of looking at acceptable and unacceptable ways to treat each other." (pp 175-176)
As much as I actively work to be a good person, I also know it is an oversimplification.
Recommended reading:
Voodoo Histories: The Role of the Conspiracy Theory in Shaping Modern History, David Aaronovitch, Jonathan Cape, 2009.
Crash Override: How Gamergate (Nearly) Destroyed My Life, and How We Can Win the Fight Against Online Hate, Zoë Quinn, PublicAffairs, 2017.
June 14, 2021
How and why the press is failing us
Less than a month ago, we had an election where every local district seemed to have a well-organized slate of candidates running against Critical Race Theory, Comprehensive Sex Education, and distance learning to prevent the spread of COVID-19.
As I started learning about this, I kept hoping that I would find that someone was tracking it, and making sense of it and telling people. I wanted to be able to share reporting on it. Eventually there was an article that this election was "weird", and it drew an unusually high level of cash contributions. The only contribution that drew much attention was one from Ben Edtl, but that seemed to die down once it was confirmed that he was not actually a member of the Proud Boys; he just spoke at a pro-Trump rally with a Proud Boy.
The only person I saw covering that a Trump booster was going around to different states teaching people how to win elections was me, an obscure blogger. As I talked to people via phone calls and direct messaging, it's like I was being my own reporter.
I don't have enough of an audience for something that important, let alone the training and resources.
It is interesting writing this when the Pulitzer committee has given a special citation to Darnella Frazier for her video recording of George Floyd's death at the hands of Derek Chauvin. The initial report filed by the police officers showed that it could easily have been swept under the rug, despite the presence of many witnesses. Because one witness had filmed proof, Chauvin was convicted, but even such strong evidence did not make the case a slam dunk.
That was a traumatic experience for Frazier, and I am not sure how much good the citation will do her. In this case one cannot fault there not happening to be a reporter at the scene. However, are there other places where the press should have been? Were there patterns that should have been investigated? What is being missed that needs to be known?
In addition, how often do we see that what does get covered has misleading headlines, or false equivalencies, or other shortcomings?
There are multiple factors that have contributed to us getting here.
First of all, local coverage definitely started going downhill when layoffs at The Oregonian started in 2009, and ownership and leadership changed, looking for ways to cut corners. Not all papers managed the transition to an online world well, and businesses need to survive, but putting profits over people is not going to result in better quality.
Before that, when The Oregonian did miss stories, it was almost always on issues with the sex lives of local politicians. Local reporters and editors may have had overly cozy relationships with the politicans, though I am sure some of that was also normal power dynamics.
That may not be that different from The New York Times White House correspondent Maggie Haberman (and many of her colleagues) giving soft treatment to Donald Trump. One could argue that they did not want to risk losing their access, but so much of reporting on Trump didn't really require special access to someone who blared everything so loudly.
Here's another thing about that: Haberman is well connected. Her father was a long-time journalist for The New York Times and her mother was in media communications and her clients included Donald Trump. There were some short cuts to her access, regardless of her individual merits.
And, because of those relationships, she might be more naturally sympathetic to Trump.
I want to add to that knowledge the understanding of how difficult it is to break into news. Theoretically free internships have been done away with, but until internships pay a living wage for the area they are in (and New York is super expensive), it simply becomes a practical matter that aspiring journalists with family resources or supportive connections are going to have an easier time getting their foot in the door. That cements a privileged point of view in the press corps.
There is more awareness of police brutality now because it has been caught on video so frequently, but stories of it go back decades. If there were more Black reporters, could that story have been picked up sooner? Even now with proof there are still people denying it, because racism is powerful and denial is strong, but how much further along could we be if we listened to people more directly connected.
As it was, now when Asian Americans have been the target of violent attacks, Asian-American reporters are not being allowed to report, especially with the Atlanta shooting. In many cases they had languages and contacts that would have improved their access, but they were considered to be to biased
The status quo has its own bias.
One thing I really appreciated reading Audre Lorde recently is that when she talked about representation, she included not just race, gender, and sexuality, but also income level. If you are not including poor women, you don't know the obstacles they face.
For a reporter who is white and better off financially, people who are aggressively against sex education might seem interesting as an oddity. For transgender students at the school, where a lot of the agenda is about not affirming their identity, it becomes a matter of whether or not school is a safe place to learn.
We need not just a free press, but one that serves the needs of all people, not just those in power.
There are questions about the original source of the quote, but there is still this idea that the role of the press is to comfort the afflicted and afflict the comfortable.
https://quoteinvestigator.com/2019/02/01/comfort/
That purpose is not being filled.
I do not have an answer for that. Certainly, if you are paying for a paper that is failing in that regard -- that no matter how many people try and move forward, they just keep interviewing more Trump voters -- you can cancel that subscription, and transfer those funds to someone better. A better source can be hard to find.
If you come across something that is a concern, then maybe you should start filming, or asking questions, and try and find ways to pass that news on. Remember that for Portland local news, there are two Fox affiliates and one Sinclair affiliate. (But it used to be three Fox affiliates, so progress!)
Even if we don't have the answers yet, we need to be asking the questions.
Related reading:
The View From Flyover Country: Essays by Sarah Kendzior, Sarah Kendzior, Flatiron Books, 2018.
Culture Crash: The Killing of the Creative Class by Scott Timberg, Yale University Press, 2015.
Sister Outsider: Essays and Speeches, Audre Lorde, Crossing Press, 1984.
June 11, 2021
Review Retrospective: Reviews 602 - 665, 2019 and 2020
Over those last two years I only wrote 63 reviews.
Since I had been reviewing about 100 new bands per year -- even with some duplicates -- well, you can see the decline.
There is still some pain there remembering how impossible it became to keep up with anything, and how crushing the last year or so of care giving became. Despite that, there are good memories.
While I was still trying to keep reviewing new bands, I found some good ones.
When I could not manage to review two new bands per week, I started combining new bands with new releases by previously reviewed bands. They put out some good stuff.
Toward the end, I was only reviewing concerts, but those were some pretty fun concerts.
Also, it was toward the end that I was managing to bring in some interviews. I want to get back to that.
I realized at one point after giving up on reviews that I was giving more meaning to the daily songs. I think as I started losing the ability to keep putting out reviews, the ones I did meant more.
Daily songs:
“Another Girl, Another Planet” by The Only Ones -- My first time at an Oregon Zoo concert was the triple bill of Berlin, OMD, and The B-52s. All good shows, but in between sets this song I had never heard before grabbed me right from the intro. I remembered lyrics and looked it up later.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ilDD5SeHxXE
“The Right Thing” by New Chums -- I did still get a few new bands in, and this was one of my favorite songs from that. There is almost a retro feel to it. Worth a listen.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UgIh3KGV8Ic
“Still A Beautiful World” by Chris Barron -- While each of my four interviews was important to me, that I got Chris Barron of Spin Doctors fame to answer my questions is probably the most impressive. Angels and One-Armed Jugglers fit with the times, and this song fit with me, falling apart but still finding good things.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7jhasVdrB8w
“Tunnel Vision” by Grumpster -- Very fun punk, but also significant in that this review happened around release because I'd had some contact with the label owner. I don't have much of a reputation, but every now and then it's nice to be vaguely recognized.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bR8VuMBiuQg
“Pin the Grenade” by Blink-182 -- After reviewing Nine (which was excellent), I chose the similar sounding "Dark Side" for the song of the day, on the strength of the video. They are both good songs, but this one is my real favorite.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F0JlOOtB5ug
“Forever Is This Night” by Gin Blossoms -- I had not initially included video links in the retrospectives, so I had to go back and add links to the earlier ones. When I was updating the Gin Blossoms, I did not recognize this video at all, leading to two realizations. As I kept changing my selections for the daily songs, I left an extra song in the blog post without noticing. Also, the Gin Blossoms did a bunch of extremely low-budget, low-concept videos for Mixed Reality. They are still surprising me and making me smile, and that's why they are the only band with their own retrospective post to also end up in another one, thus getting this eighth song.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t4VMuFUKrhs
“Heroes” by David Bowie -- This is to represent the Bowie Alumni tour. There are a few videos of them online, but this is the right song for that night, and this point in my life. I don't see a video of them performing it, so here it is from the one who inspired them.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YLp2cW7ICCU
