Gina Harris's Blog, page 24

Spotlight on Amanda Gorman: Black History Month 2024

I had gotten out of the habit of reading poetry with these months, but this time around it occurred to me to read through Amanda Gorman.

Now, if I look at her Wikipedia entry there is some other work listed, but this was all I could find in books:

The Hill We Climb: An Inaugural Poem for the Country

Call Us What We Carry: Poems

Something, Someday (illustrated by Christian Robinson)

Change Sings: A Children's Anthem (illustrated by Loren Long)

I suspect that her other work may have appeared in literary magazines and student publications, so may not be too easy to locate.

What I found I enjoyed a lot.

I want to focus on Call Us What We Carry. 

If felt very much like a part of student work, but not because of the quality level. The quality was amazing.

As it was, the different sections played with different formats, and there were classical allusions but also bits of history and science. It reminded me of that mix of being a college student with so much information available all around you.

It was invigorating.

At the same time, it was a record of the pandemic, and the grief and fear that went with that.

It was emotional, and I felt that, but then what stuck with me was the ability to pull from so many sources and combine them into new, interesting, and evocative forms.

Gorman is incredibly skilled and so young that it is wonderful to think that we could have her and new work from her for many years. 

Opening up

Recently I wrote about noticing people having unmet needs for talking:

https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2024/03/shortcuts-in-speech.html 

I have a lot of sympathy for that, but there was something else recently that gave me some trepidation:

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt15307068/ 

The Mother of All Lies is a 2023 Moroccan film that recently played at the Cascade Festival of African Films. 

The film is not linear.  

In 1981, heavy price increases for basic food supplies led to the Casablanca Bread Riots, which inspired a heavy government crackdown. The official government death toll was 66, but the opposition reported 637, which seems more likely.

To protect that lie, bodies were taken and dumped in a mass grave, buried over and locked away. 

One thing that aided the government's ability to tell their lie is that there is only one known photograph, and it doesn't show much.

The movie starts with a much simpler lie. When she was a child, director and narrator Asmae ElMoudir wondered why there were no pictures of her. Her mother said there was and brought her a photo, but it was a photo of three strangers.

Later it turns out that her mother stole that photo from the school, so her daughter would have something. There were no photos because grandmother (Asmae's mother's mother-in-law) forbade them. 

One early segment of the film reenacts young Asmae sneaking out and getting a photo taken and hiding it, the only photo of her when young.

From what we know at that point, Grandma is an old bag -- that is made clear early on -- and there is a nasty scene of her calling Asmae's mother a thief and a liar. The mother doesn't even deny those words, just repeating that it's her daughter and she will tell her what she wants. When her mother sees the picture Asmae took all those years ago, she commends her. "Good for you."

Still later we learn that the grandmother was married when she was twelve and gave birth to twins, who died shortly after having their photo taken.

Some rules about idolatry can seem to forbid photos of humans, but most people don't interpret them that way, perhaps unless the worst happens.

For Asmae, at the time she felt like with no photos you have no history. One can see how she got into film. 

As we go over national and family history, the re-enactments are done with little clay figures in a small replica of the neighborhood. Asmae's trip to the photographer happened there, but so did the Bread Riots, the subsequent arrests, and the disappearances.

Being in the space away from home (at home the walls have ears) and having those visual reminders -- to jog the memory but also to provide some distance -- is how Asmae gets her family members and two of their neighbors to talk about what happened. 

You would hope that over forty years later there would be no fear in talking about it, but even with a memorial, there are still protesters trying to get more information. They wave photos of their dead. One woman cannot get her sister declared dead unless she affirms that she died of natural causes. 

Using toys or drawings or other ways to get at trauma is not unknown, but the area where I started to get nervous was as people did start talking about the events, and how much it hurt them. One wished he were dead. 

They were struggling as they faced these memories, and I worried for them; were they gong to be okay?

There is so much more in the movie than that, but that was when I was most alarmed. Could they bear up under facing that past and speaking their pain?

I remember a period in my life when I felt so fragile that a kind word would have shattered me into a million pieces. I was just trying to hold it together.

And yet, in that non-linear film, it did seem that everyone was a bit lighter after they came out on the other side, including Grandma.

It can be okay, but it can be a messy process getting there. 

There can be a lot of drama that does not result in healing, but sometimes the only way to healing is through mess.

We need to be able to make space for that.

Daily Songs: February

This list of songs jumped all over the place. Much of it was inspired by reading, but not all.

First of all, one thing I enjoyed at Christmas was a White House video showing off some decorations with an ensemble from Dorrance Dance:

https://www.dorrancedance.com/

They used a jazzy version of the Waltz of the Flowers, "Dance of the Floreadores", by Duke Ellington.

I had almost started the next idea, but then some people being ridiculous about the Grammys inspired me to include not just "Fast Car" but also two other songs where you have Black people participating in country. 

https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2024/02/fast-car-discourse.html 

"Texas Hold 'Em" wasn't even out yet! What is wrong with people?

I had also started thinking about the different songs that related to books I had been reading. That was especially true of books by Jerry Pinkney and Brian Pinkney. That is where we get "We Are...". "Little Diva", "Swing Shift", and "God Bless the Child". 

They also worked on a book with Gloria Jean Pinkney, Music From Our Lord's Holy Heaven. She recorded songs for it, and there was a CD included, but they are not on the internet. Mahalia Jackson's version of "Go Tell It On the Mountain" was used as a nod toward that.

I am still going through the works of Jerry and Gloria Jean, Brian's parents, but I did finally finish going through the work of Brian himself, and there will be a spotlight on him.

(You may remember a previous spotlight on his wife Andrea.)

I also focused on the poetry of Amanda Gorman this Black History month (that will be another spotlight) and Change Sings really did seem to sing. I did find a version set to music. I don't know that it is officially endorsed, but I used it.

That is not very many songs.

In terms of things that were missing, it really feels like there could be some good songs from the work of Paul Laurance Dunbar. I suspect there are some, but I didn't know where to find them. (I have read some of his poetry before, but there was an illustrated collection that both illustrating Pinkneys contributed to that came up recently.)

Also, Amerie is a singer, and it really seems like You Will Do Great Things could work sung.

Most of the remaining songs came from listening to some artists from Rip It Up: The Black Experience in Rock 'n' Roll, edited by Kandia Crazy Horse.

https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2023/09/black-music-month-2023-final-thoughts.html

I have so many bands to listen to, from both her and Maureen Mahon's writing; this is just a drop in the bucket, but I am glad I at least got that drop in.

And for Leap Day, I don't see how it could have been anything but "Jump". 

You may notice that even though this February had an extra day, that I still went one day into March. I wanted the next segment to be equally divisible by ten.

More on that later!

Songs:

2/1 “Dance of the Floreadores” by Duke Ellington
2/2 “We Are...” by Sweet Honey in the Rock
2/3 “Little Diva” by LaChanze
2/4 “Swing Shift” by International Sweethearts of Rhythm
2/5 “Fast Car” by Tracy Chapman
2/6 "Old Town Road" by Lil Nas X ft. Billy Ray Cyrus
2/7 “Mountain of Love” by Charley Pride
2/8 “Last White Christmas” by Basement 5
2/9 “Black Lightning” by the BellRays
2/10 “Cola Bottle Baby” by Edwin Birdsong
2/11 “Go Tell It On the Mountain” by Mahalia Jackson
2/12 “Somebody Up There” by The Blackberries
2/13 “Forbidden Love” by Bronx Style Bob
2/14 “Steppin' Out Tonight” by Beckie Bell
2/15 “Civil Rights” by The Bus Boys
2/16 “Wishes” by Jon Butcher
2/17 “Time Has Come Today” by The Chambers Brothers
2/18 “My Mom” by Chocolate Genius
2/19 “Parting Ways” by Cody Chesnutt
2/20 “Finally Peacefull” by Sam Clayton
2/21 “Searching For the Right Door” by Billy Cobham
2/22 “Bumble Bee Blues” by Papa John Creach
2/23 “Killing Floor” by The Electric Flag
2/24 “Baby Come Back” by The Equals
2/25 “Ghetto Heaven” by The Family Stand
2/26 ”Can You Get To That” by Funkadelic
2/27 “Hero In Me” by Jeffrey Gaines
2/28 “God Bless the Child” by Billie Holiday
2/29 “Jump (For My Love)” by The Pointer Sisters
3/1 “Change Sings” by Felix Glenn

Commemorating

I thought I would write some more about getting things out, but I think I need to finish at least one other book first. 

Instead I am going to write about one of the other things I am doing now: Celebrating National Days!

Both of my sisters are really into themes (as well as the whole family being pretty into holidays), and the teacher one tries to be aware of things that go along with the themes.

Therefore, it has been a pretty normal part of my life to hear that in two days it will be National Tater Tot Day, or something like that.

This year I decided to follow along and try and incorporate it more. 

I decided this before I quit, so it was not related to that. I suppose it is more fun now, but so is everything else.

Mainly, I try and incorporate it into meals, but in my own way.

For example, March 17th was not just Saint Patrick's Day, but also Corned Beef and Cabbage Day.

I love corned beef, but cooking does terrible things to cabbage (I don't care for it fermented either) so I always make it with carrots, and that is what I did again. I also made Sloppy Joes for March 18th, National Sloppy Joe Day. At that point we had too many leftovers to celebrate National Ravioli Day on March 20th, though I had nothing against that. 

Frankly, I had stew meat that I needed to use Sunday, so we are celebrating National Cheesesteak Day two days late, but I did get French Bread on the correct day, March 21st.

A lot of it does not make sense. Why is Peach Cobber Day on April 13th? Peaches are a summer fruit. I mean, if you have canned peaches that you set up the previous summer, maybe it can remind you to use them, but I don't know how many people still do that.

It is not all about food. There is a National Reconciliation Day coming up on April 2nd, and National Sorry Charlie Day on April 6th encourages us to view rejection from a different perspective. 

The first Wednesday in April is National Walking Day, though January 20th is Take a Walk Outdoors Day, so there is some repetition.

We "joke" that every day is Cat Day and Love Your Pet Day, at least in our house.

There are a lot that I just ignore, but I am at least aware of what's coming up. In fact, it was useful the other day that I knew that National Ferret Day was April 2nd, which I was not personally planning on celebrating.)

(I will celebrate National Peanut Butter and Jelly Day that same day, but I will celebrate it with jam.)

https://www.nationaldaycalendar.com/

NAHM 2023: Indigenous Identity -- Oklahoma

I don't have links for all of this, but I will include a few links. Two different examples, with two different tribes, but the same state.

I had been aware for some time that Oklahoma governor Kevin Stitt's membership in the Cherokee Nation may not be a result of actual Cherokee ancestry.

That was not completely surprising after reading Angie Debo's And Still the Waters Run, but I didn't pay a lot of attention to it. That original article pointed out that there is no process for removing someone's Cherokee citizenship.

His name would come up a lot for other things -- generally negative -- and that would make me think about the people attacking Buffy Sainte-Marie, Sacheen Littlefeather, and Lily Gladstone and wondering if there might not be a better use of their time.

Fairly recently, I saw an interview with the principal chief of the Cherokee Nation, Chuck Hoskin Jr.

Although he was asked specifically about Stitt, and expressed frustration with how much he is going against the interests of the tribe, he never brought that up. In fact, when asked about it he declines to discuss it: 

https://apnews.com/oklahoma-governors-tribal-fight-raises-ancestry-questions-61f53c6a2094c89f90b1a4190f08a7db

After all, it's not that anyone questions whether Clarence Thomas is Black.

Governor Stitt is also a bad actor in this next example, but he is not the main point.

https://ictnews.org/news/students-death-after-attack-elicits-calls-for-accountability

Nex Benedict was at one point incorrectly identified as Cherokee. The tribe confirmed there was no record, but still expressed sympathy.

In fact, Nex's mother is a Choctaw citizen, but Nex was not enrolled.

Choctaw Chief Gary Batton later released a statement Wednesday saying Nex’s mother is a Choctaw citizen.

“The loss of a child is always difficult for a community and a family to accept. Although Nex does not appear to be affiliated with our tribe, their mother, Sue Benedict, is a registered member. Nex’s death weighs heavily on the hearts of the Choctaw people. We pray Nex’s family and their loved ones will find comfort,” he said.

Many issues have been raised about identity and how it is defined over this posts. Is the tribe defined as a sovereign nation or a group determined by blood? Is there federal recognition or recognition on lower governmental levels? Is there a means to change that? What would the benefits be?

I don't intend to pose any suggestions for that; it would be very inappropriate for me to do so. 

However, I think there are good examples from both chiefs here. There may be official connections that we don't want, and there will be people connected but not officially. Handling that with grace and caring and a focus on what is important strikes me as the best way forward. 

That is how we place healing over harm, and that is very needed.

Shortcuts in speech

As much as I acknowledge the inadequacy of "She's slowing down", there are good reasons for it. That also came up in Origin.

I don't want to spoil the movie, so let's just say that the protagonist suffers multiple personal losses throughout. While talking to a friend, she talks about trying to navigate and communicate without screaming. One believes that if she wanted to scream, her friend would let her, but the friend's husband has just taken their children to bed... that would be very disruptive.

It is reasonable not to disturb others around you -- that is just being considerate -- but then we get this stigma where if you are too loud or disruptive you are seen as not fitting in.

Plus, what if we are allowing terrible situations to continue because everyone except psychopaths are being too considerate to get the issues out there?

(That is a real concern, but I am going to stick with the individual today.)

I remember once being in the middle of hard times, but I was going to be at an amusement park. I thought, "Well, I better scream when I am on the roller coasters and get it out."

I am not generally a screamer (roller coasters are more likely to make me laugh), but I tried it. 

It did not really help, maybe because that isn't my thing, or maybe because it was still too controlled.

As it is, not everyone who asks how my mother is doing needs the whole story. I have regular communication with my family, and the blog gets a lot of things out for me. I am probably okay, except there is this other thing I have noticed.

I keep finding other people who just have so much to say.

In one way, they aren't so much saying a lot as they are taking a long time to say it, like once someone is listening it unleashes some kind of desperation.

Personally, I have seen that with myself more since the pandemic started. Sometimes a conversation starts and I just can't stop talking.

So the thing that I am worried about is that we have something missing, where people have all of these pent up emotions that they can't express productively; are there things we can do to improve that?

Not all expression is productive. I think it goes better when the person talking has done some thinking about it beforehand (perhaps writing about it, in my case). However, if someone listening just helps affirm that the speaker is cared for, that can be worth a lot.

For a second "however", that can also end up being really draining for the listener.

Maybe everyone just needs to go into therapy, to have a trained professional guiding them among the landmines, but there's a shortage of people available. I know various people seeking therapy who have a hard time finding openings.

They can look because they have coverage. Not everyone does.

I don't have an answer here. I can only offer my sympathy and a general wish for kindness and consideration.

I am grateful that I am part of a good household situation and that I have a blog.

Do you have what you need?

Do you know what you need?

At least give it some thought.

NAMH 2023: Indigenous Identity - complexity

We have already covered some of the complexity behind how identity can be defined, but I want to cover a little more, mainly from things read in Indian Country Today newsletters.

Let's start with an article about Lily Gladstone and her Oscar nomination:

https://ictnews.org/news/a-wave-of-emotions-after-oscars

I have seen some messages previously with people irritated about her being called the first Native American nominee for best actress, with mention of Yalitza Aparicio's 2018 nomination for Roma.

North America has the descendants of the original inhabitants in Canada, the United States, and Mexico (and all of the Central American countries), and tribal boundaries often cross the national boundaries. Gladstone is the first indigenous nominee from the United States for best actress.

The ICT article gave a good perspective (without it being the main focus of the article) because it also mentioned Keisha Castle-Hughes, who is half Maori, as the first indigenous nominee for best actress in 2002.

Then, there was this one:

https://ictnews.org/news/winter-olympics-feature-three-indigenous-women

The focus is on hockey players, but there is a mention of Inuk biathlete Ukalek Slettemark, representing Denmark. Inuit for Denmark? Yes, because Greenland is an autonomous territory of Denmark.

This might have been more surprising for me, but Notable Native People mentioned Holly Mititquq Nordlum, an Alaska native who went to Greenland to learn traditional Inuit tattooing arts, Denmark apparently having been less persistent in eliminating indigenous culture.

Remember, I have been catching up on old articles, as well as reading various books, so these two articles are just a part of what I have been thinking about. I will try and make some coherent points.

https://ictnews.org/news/ncai-vote-to-exclude-state-recognized-nations-fails

There are tribes that are federally recognized, and tribes that are not. For tribes that are not currently federally recognized, starting that process can be expensive, and may not be easily within reach.

It is worth remembering that tribes are not a monolith, and there can be very different views -- even among neighbors -- about desired outcomes, though that may not justify invalidating the views opposite yours.

The concern raised about "fake" tribes sounds very similar (in my opinion) to the people attacking "pretendians". 

I was surprised reading comments on an interview with Rita Coolidge where she mentioned working with Robbie Robertson. Commenters were calling both her and Robertson fake. Also, the things they were saying, like there being no reason not to be enrolled... no, that doesn't hold up.

Which leads to one more article:

https://ictnews.org/news/fighting-for-native-honor

You can find native people who support native mascots. They may mean well, but I noticed this...

Several association members’ Facebook accounts feature Native American imagery, stories supporting nicknames and imagery mocking politicians, including President Joe Biden.

You might be drawing a certain type, and that's worth thinking about. 

That's not even that they are going to be conservative (though that is certainly more likely), but if all they can do is mock and attack, that's what you are going to get.

There are other ways of being, and I will try and wrap this up next week, but first, a reminder that anytime something like tribal termination or blood quantum or the Dawes Rolls were introduced, it acted as a way of transferring land to the settlers.

Related posts:

https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2024/01/native-american-heritage-month_26.html 

https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2024/02/native-american-heritage-month.html

How's your mom?

Have you seen Origin?

Directed by Ava DuVernay, the film goes over the genesis and content of Isabel Wilkerson's book Caste: The Origins of Our Discontents. 

I assure you that description does not do it justice.

This post is just based on one very small bit, though, where in asking about someone's parents, the answer is given "They're slowing down."

I have said that so many times, and I have heard it from others. I had just said it recently, so it stuck out more.

It's an accurate response, but realizing how common it is highlights how non-specific it is.

There are reasons we do that, and I think I want to get into that more next week.

This week, I want to answer the question.

Yes, she is slowing down. As she was starting to fall more, she has been spending more time in a wheelchair. She has always had a tendency toward swelling in her ankles, so they switched to a Geri Chair, which allows for some foot elevation and reclining.

It has definitely helped. There have been no falls and the swelling went down. 

It may also make it easier for her to doze off, but that wasn't hard before.

Recently we had been in a pattern for our visits. I would arrive and she would be dozing, but I would take her hand and she would wake up and start chatting. Although she is kind of past where her speech is coherent, there would be times when I could tell she was joking, or at least being kind of funny. Then she would get a little tearful, cheer up again, and doze off. 

The entire sequence would take about fifteen minutes. 

That had been the phase. We have been through other ones. There were times when she would talk for much longer, and it was speech I could follow, even though she was referring to events that never happened, or talking about recently being with people who were long dead, or naming children who never existed.

In the recent phase, it is not just that her words don't really make sense, but also that I can tell she is not really processing the things she hears and sees well. I say something, and she will look puzzled, then find something to say, but it doesn't relate.

This has alleviated fears I had that she would switch back to Italian and no one would be able to understand her; communication is not about words now.

She does hold my hand very firmly, so I feel like that's the most important thing I do now.

Well, there is value in getting a visual and staying on top of things... that would be important even if she were completely unresponsive. In terms of what she notices, though, I think the hand holding is now the most important thing. That is a change, but dementia is a process of constant adjustment.

So, here's the thing: on my last visit she barely woke up. 

She opened her eyes a few times,  and said a few words, but it was another downgrade.

My overall feeling is that she is sinking further away from the surface. Getting to her is harder. 

But that's such a long answer, and I don't know how long it will be accurate.

She's slowing down.

Related posts:

https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2023/08/more-about-my-mother.html

https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2023/09/the-next-mourning.html

NAMH 2023: For "younger" readers and viewers

Last week's "Hodgepodge" was for works that didn't necessarily seem to go with anything else, but there was another category taking shape. I reserved those items for this week.

The tricky part is that "younger" is a fairly broad category (and there can be a fair amount of overlap even with those breakdowns), and it wasn't only books this time.

Pre-school:

Spirit Rangers (animated series, Netflix)

The Skycedar siblings (Chumash and Cowlitz) live in a national park with their park ranger mother and scientist father. They serve as junior rangers, but also as Spirit Rangers, where they can go to the Spirit Park and assist the spirit beings there. 

It's CGI, which I know not everyone loves, but the vivid colors really make the park beautiful, especially with the hot springs and other water.

There are simple lessons about things like courage and sportsmanship, with some extra fun for adults in hearing familiar voices, like Wes Studi as Sun and Tantoo Cardinal as Moon.

Remember by Joy Harjo, illustrated by Michaela Goode 

The artwork is really gorgeous here, with the important thing to remember being the connection to other life, and all life.

My Powerful Hair by Carole Lindstrom, illustrated by Steph Littlebird

This goes over the significance and history of hair really well, so covering times when hair was taken in residential school, times when hair was judged, but also when cutting hair can be appropriate and helpful. It provides good context that children can understand.

Elementary school:

Molly of Denali (animated series, PBS Kids) 

With a more traditional animation style, this is also the first nationally distributed children's show in the US to feature an Alaskan native.

One thing I appreciate is that the show features a much larger human network, with neighbors, friends, and extended family, but it is also clearly meant for older children, with more sophisticated concepts. It also teaches more about Alaska, with viewers submitting questions that Molly answers with filmed segments.

The Rez Detectives by Steven Paul Judd and Tvli Jacob, drawn by M.K. Perker

The humor in this comic book is a little juvenile, mostly being about how clueless the narrator is (setting up as a detective, no less), plus one of the villains. Then there are some surprisingly sophisticated site gags, and issues that one might not think of, like the residents of the reservation wanting ice cream on a hot day but being mostly lactose intolerant.

Notable Native People: 50 Indigenous Leaders, Dreamers, and Changemakers from Past and Present by Adrienne Keene, illustrated by Ciara Sana

This covers a wide range of people in different areas and with different origins and time periods. There are historical segments in between that can provide context for the lives featured as well. The individual stories can be inspiring, and give ideas for reports.

Teens and older:

Surviving the City # 1 by Tasha Spillett, illustrated by Natasha Donovan and Donovan Yaciuk

Set in Winnipeg, this graphic novel treats the issue of Missing and Murdered Indigenous Women, imaginatively showing the influences and "ghosts", and also showing how easy it would be for someone to fall between the cracks. Nothing too terrible happens in this one, but the readers are very aware of the potential.

Frybread Face and Me

This movie -- currently available on Netflix -- focuses on teenagers, but as a coming of age story may mean more to adults who remember their own struggles.

Benny is sent to live with his Navajo grandmother while his parents split up, and has to deal with that, the displacement, and the judgment he faces from others as he becomes his own person.

"Frybread Face" is his cousin, Dawn, part of a tradition of teasing by aunts and uncles, mostly good-natured but not helpful, especially with the real issues the they face with families and life in general. Often there are not choices, but sometimes you can assert yourself, and sometimes you need to.

This is perhaps a minor detail, but the grandmother speaks only Navajo. When she is speaking to Benny, who cannot understand her, there are no subtitles, but when she is talking to Dawn, who does speak it, there are subtitles. It balances the empathy for not understanding with the need to know what is going on.

Anything I read or watch related to Native American Heritage going forward will not be written about until November 2024, probably.

I am still going to try writing some more about identity though.

In a good place

I am so happy.

It is not my intention to do a weekly update with what's happening on the job front -- I have plenty of other things to write about -- but I am so happy!

I knew I was not happy with my job, but based on the rebound in good feelings, it was worse than I realized.

It almost feels wrong, you know... so glad to be not working, one of those lazy entitled people the liberals think we should support...

Well, I do think it should be possible for people to enjoy their work, or get sufficient compensation that it makes up for not enjoying their work.

I also understand that a big part of my being able to enjoy this is that I can pay the bills for a few months without anything else happening, which is really important. I am aware of a ticking clock.

However, there is something else that is helping.

I have very ambitious plans for things I want to get done each day and week. While I have been getting some of them done, it is never all of them.

I was initially discouraged by that, except that I can see that I am making progress. 

What really helped was writing the post for the Sunday blog. 

https://preparedspork.blogspot.com/2024/03/changing-things-up-scripture-study.html 

It was about scripture study, but in writing it I realized that there were things that I had once wanted to do that I did not think would be possible, and yet I am working my way through. It took time and sometimes false starts and starting over, but the progress is real.

I have mentioned catching up on e-mail. From over 500 I am currently at 86, and having good experiences going through them.

I am getting somewhere. 

It is possible that I set unrealistic expectations for myself, but they are not wild fantasies either; they just require more time than I initially think they well.

I can deal with that. 

Lots of stuff to do though, so getting back to it.