Z.R. Southcombe's Blog, page 7

Long term thinking and believing in yourself

And following on from Monday’s little rant / big lesson… I was listening to Joanna Penn’s podcast the other day (which I haven’t been listening to as much as I used to), and it was an episode about author mindset. I think it was just after she’d released her book on that topic.

Anyway, she was being interviewed and she talked about one of the ‘problems’ that many indie authors have is not thinking long-term. When I finished The Caretaker of Imagination (TCOI), my intention was to keep publishing books in a loose series (which I have), at a rate of 3-4 per year (which I haven’t). She emphasised that if you stick with it, you’ll have a backlist in no time, and that’s the best thing you can do for your career.

Helen Wadsworth (whom I now work for) introducing my books at my first launch party.

Originally, my vision was that by my 31st birthday, in January 2020, I would have a backlist of about 20 books. This would be a solid platform for myself as an author.

So what went wrong? When writing TCOI, I was a bit nervous about my lack of writing experience, but confident that with constructive criticism, lots of editing, and my love of children’s literature I would be able to produce an acceptable book. I did, and then I wrote another one, Lucy’s Story: The End of the World, which I was actually really happy with (see video below).

And then I hit a snag. I received some very un-constructive criticism, and I started comparing my work infavourably against others. I was told the way things were done, and they weren’t always what I was doing. I started taking any feedback that was given and using it to reinforce the belief that I sucked at writing. I started listening to the rules and becoming scared of breaking them. I wasn’t making a profit, and I took that as meaning I was a failure.

Because I’m stubborn, I dragged myself through a couple more books, but they took a long time, and I was dealing with the voice of self-doubt on a constant basis. I wasn’t as proud of them as I was of TCOI or of Lucy’s Story, because the criticism and rules of other people were always in the background, ready to speak up at the hint of any praise.

What comes to mind is that old adage – the best time to plant a tree is ten years ago; the next best time is today. If I’d stuck with my original schedule, I’d have about ten books in the series by now. I have four – not even halfway.

I don’t regret the non-fiction books I’ve published in the meantime, I love that I mad time for painting, and for playing with zines. Both I Am A Writer and I Am An Artist were fun to write, helpful to other people (both children and adults, surprisingly), and it was a great opportunity to work with people whom I admire. But my day job is part time, and I only started studying this year. If it hadn’t let the criticism get to me, there’s no reason why I couldn’t have done both the fiction and non-fiction books.

Four of the artists from ‘I am an Artist’: Zee, Anna, Jane & Megan (photo credit: L. Simpson)

So this is me committing to myself. I know my books have value, and I know there are readers who love my weirdness. There are many, many more stories I want to tell, so I’m going to plant that tree today to grow my backlist, build a career that I am proud of, and contribute my unique voice to the literary landscape.

Reflections on Hidden Figures – Are you your biggest obstacle?

I finally watched Hidden Figures the other night (yeah I know, about ten years after everybody else). For those of you who don’t know the story, it follows the careers of three Black American women in the 1960s who work for NASA, and play key roles in the ‘space race’ (below are the photos of the women that these characters were based on).

Obviously, they face some pretty big external obstacles. Not only do they have to deal with segregation laws, but they also have to work within a society where being a woman means you’re seen as less capable than a man.

But they find ways around problems, challenge the rules, and take initiative to prove their own worth. They take action, and if one of them falls into passive-complaining-mode, the other women help them out of it.

Watching this, as a brown-skinned woman in the 21st century, I felt that in some ways I couldn’t relate. Although I have certainly experienced social racism (and sexism), and I’m still learning that I can be a woman AND be strong, neither my sex nor my race have actually held me back from any opportunity.

My culture isn’t limited to my sex or the colour of my skin – in fact, these are some of the things I least identify with. I am a member of many groups; I have many identities. Were there prejudices there?

The more I thought about it, the more the realisation grew that the biggest obstacle I face is my own self-worth – or rather, my lack thereof. Sure, there are stigmas – I’m a self-published author, which means I get looked down on by some traditional publishing folk; I make colouring books, so I’m not a real artist; I’m a middle-class ‘privileged’ person with mental health issues (the question ‘what do you have to be depressed about?’ springs to mind here); I’m young (in author years) so I can’t be a good writer yet; I write children’s books, which aren’t real books, obviously; I’m not rich and famous, ergo I’m not successful; I don’t have a Fine Arts or Creative Writing degree, so what do I know? #rantover

But stigmas aren’t obstacles. Literally none of the above actually prevent me from doing what I want to do – the only actual obstacle is me believing that they do.

How about that for a reality check?

I don’t think that anything will change overnight for me, but it’s about ten steps forward in my efforts to shift my mindset and build my self-worth.

Spending time on creativity

In some ways, everything I do is creative – but in some ways it’s really not. Writing a book, drawing an illustration, painting a picture… these all sound creative, and by all means there is creativity in the process, but a lot of it is just doing the work (and supporting the work with admin and sales).

I’ve realised that my artist dates are like the days that I actually get to be creative. They’re one day in the week when I give myself permission to do whatever I want. I’m allowed to spend the day walking around a garden and ‘waiting for inspiration’, following that shiny new idea that’s been trying to distract me all week, or sitting in a cafe and writing about things that I might do someday. Or, if I feel like it, I can just let my feet (and mind) wander all day.

It’s a bit like that 20% rule of Google’s (that may or may not exist, but I like it in theory). Or in some schools, where they’re allowed one block a week to work on a ‘passion project’ or learn a new skill. I’m committing this time to myself on a weekly basis (though there’s bound to be the occasional day where I’ll choose to work instead, and that’s okay too).

At Eden Gardens, an exotic garden in the middle of suburban Auckland.

 

Zine Workshop: Eight Page Mini Zine

Last week I went to Waikowhai Intermediate School and did a zine workshop with them. Before I visited, I sent some slides for them to look at, to start thinking about what they could write/draw about in their zines (we only had an hour so we didn’t get into collage).

So I thought I’d share it here. With my upcoming zine workshop (July 15th – free & friendly, details here) and a lot of interest in the format, this might get a few of you started. If you’ve got an idea you want to test, or a question, feel free to tweet/facebook/instagram me @zrsouthcombe – or leave a comment below

SONZA: Spotlight On New Zealand Arts

This is a project dedicated to highlighting creative New Zealanders. Every couple of weeks we feature a kiwi talent who walks the talk, and is original, innovative, and problem-solving. Read them here, or email me if you’d like to be featured.

100 Days Project Update

I realised today how long it’s been since I wrote a blog post – and also how long it’s been since I updated my 100 Days Project page, so I figured I could get them done at the same time.

Catching Up

Truth be told, I haven’t been journaling every day. I’d set what I thought was an achievable goal, but when I actually sat down to do it I made it hard for myself. I tried to set up a system that would work, to use collage and consistency and just made it too much of an effort to do on a daily basis.

But. I have been going outside everyday, and noticing what I sense, and thinking about what could go in my journal. As a result, many of those moments are still clear in my head. This means I can catch up on days missed (with the help of my camera feed), and continue on from here.

I’ve noticed that what I enjoy most is just a little reflection on the day, and maybe a simple drawing. No dates or numbers. Just thoughts. You can see them here.

(I’ve also fallen in love with my white gel pen

Expecting Change

I’ve learnt that no matter what I set a project out to be, it WILL change. There was a podcast I was listening to the other day (I’ve consumed a lot of audio lately so can’t remember which one it was!) and the person being interviewed talked about the uselessness of Five Year Plans – because in five years, your goals would have changed.

This made SO much sense to me. I still value five year visions. I find it helps to have something big to work towards, but, like she recommended, a 12-month plan is so much more useful (oh! I remember – it was this podcast)

The same goes for projects. I can know what my intentions are at the start, and I can have a vision of how I’d like it to look at the end, but I can’t know exactly what it will turn out to be.

And that is totally okay.

 

On artist dates and daily habits

I was introduced to the idea of an artist date from Julia Cameron, who wrote The Artist’s Way.  Spending a day on my own has always been something I’ve enjoyed, but it was nice to have a name for it, and to feel like there was more of a purpose than escapism.

From Julia Cameron’s website:

“The Artist Date is a once-weekly, festive, solo expedition to explore something that interests you. The Artist Date need not be overtly “artistic” — think mischief more than mastery. Artist Dates fire up the imagination. They spark whimsy. They encourage play. Since art is about the play of ideas, they feed our creative work by replenishing our inner well of images and inspiration. When choosing an Artist Date, it is good to ask yourself, “what sounds fun?” — and then allow yourself to try it.”

Often, I’ll go for a tramp*. I’ll pack a lunch, make a flask of tea, and make a day of it. I might stop and do a short meditation part-way through. Nature is incredibly inspiring for me, so I usually get back home physically tired, but mentally rejuvenated and emotionally  clear.

My weekly schedule is a bunch of part-time jobs: part artist & writer, part tutor, part student (and sometimes part bookshop assistant). What works for me is dedicating a day to a certain role. So, Mon-Thurs is tutoring in the afternoons, and the mornings are spent on my work in progress, accounting, exercise, housework, and networking – whatever needs to be done, really. Saturday is for my artist/writer role, and Sunday is for study. Friday is my ‘day off’.

So last Friday I caught a bus to Parnell and took myself out for brunch and a delicious tea (Nepal Masala by Tea Total). I spent the morning wandering around the museum, especially the natural history section. I realised I’d missed something from Ramble On – flightless birds! So even for that it was worth the visit. I then took a hot chocolate and sat outside, reading a book on crowdfunding (which I’m considering for Ramble On).

After that, I walked down to the Wintergardens and did some sketching. I’ve been commissioned to do some colouring art for a project by The Happiness Idea and Wellington Botanic Gardens so this was my research time. I found myself most fascinated by leaves, of all things! There were so many different shades of green, variations in shape and size, and intricate patterns. It was truly fascinating. I sat and sketched for about an hour, and then took a walk through the domain to town.

My two big aims at the moment are to rebuild my writing habit, and to exercise daily (especially for my half-marathon training, but also for my mental health). I bought two packs of stickers, so that every day I write 500 words, and every day I go for a walk or run, I get a sticker to celebrate each achievement.

I had a thoroughly good day, which felt like a bit of an adventure, so I’ll be aiming to take on the advice of Julia Cameron and make this a weekly endeavour. May the fun continue!

Linkies:

Support my half-marathon run for the Mental Health Foundation of NZ.
Buy your own handmade notebook.
Tweet me your artist date ideas! 

*hike

 

Work in Progress: Ramble On

Walking is New Zealand’s favourite sport – and it does wonders for my physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health, so what better topic to write about?

Ramble On will be a collection of personal essays, interviews, articles and hand-lettered quotes, fully illustrated by yours truly.

To see progress, follow the #rambleonbook hashtag on Twitter, Instagram or Facebook.

 

Be the teacup

I often listen to podcasts when I’m walking (for running I need something with more energy though!), and I recently discovered one called Up For A Chat.

One of the episodes I listened to was an interview with Elspeth Haswell-Smith, titled Getting Things Done. Although I was looking for podcasts on the relationship between physical and mental health, but this one caught my eye – Elspeth is not much older than I am, and has done a bunch of different things, like I’m doing. I figured I could learn something from her.

Her bottom line was that she followed her interest at the time, and listened to her intuition on a daily basis. This is something I’ve been working towards, especially after my life coaching sessions with Inger Kenobi. But what I loved the most was her teacup-soul analogy.

She describes our soul (as in the truest version of our self) as a teacup. It was there before any experiences, influences, learnings, and relationships. And, no matter what you put in it, the teacup remains the same; no matter what we experience, feel, think, do, or who we are around, our soul remains the same.

This analogy is another tool for peeling back the layers and just being me. I’ve also realised how much I seek external validation, and I hope that this will help me remember that it’s not about achievements or other people’s opinions but about how I want to “be” in this world, and trusting my self.

It’s okay to enjoy your work

Over the weekend I caught up with Chris, the man behind Criss-Fit (follow him on Facebook or Instagram). He recently became a personal trainer, so I wanted to feature him as a creative over on SONZA. I’ll share a link to the whole interview once it’s up, but there was one thing we talked about that I have been working through and would like to put in the public forum.

It’s the idea that if we are doing something we love, we should feel guilty about it. Now, on paper (or rather, on screen) this seems absurd, and yet it’s something I’ve struggled with for a really long time. It has only been in the last year that I’ve actually identified it as an issue and begun to work on it.

Before I started writing this post, I was working on yesterday’s page for the 100 Days Project, and I noticed this feeling of guilt. I put the page aside to write this post, because I think it’s important that we don’t feel like this. I believe that when we are doing things we’re really passionate about, the world is a better place. It’s why I became a teacher, it’s why I share my work, it’s why I try to encourage others, and it’s why I spend my time on things I love and care about.

Last week I spent a whole afternoon making these journals, and it was bliss.

But while I am doing these things, a little voice pops up sometimes and reminds me that other people are slaving away at their desk-job, or walking miles to get barely-drinkable water, or working hard physical labour. How dare I spend my time on something so frivolous and enjoyable as art?

I try to reason with it. I’m doing this project to build my connection with, and to raise awareness of the beauty of our natural world; I’m publishing to inspire children to follow their dreams; I’m interviewing awesome people to raise their profile; I’m sharing my experience of depression and anxiety so people know they’re not alone. But I know that those aren’t really why I’m doing any of it. I’m doing it because it helps me, because the process of creativity is a wondrous experience, and because I love being a part of other people’s transformations.

And I am entitled to make and share my work for those utterly selfish reasons. I am allowed to spend my time doing stuff I love doing (and some things I really don’t like doing). While I still feel responsibility to help people less fortunate than I, the way that those more fortunate than I help me, I am only human, and I am only here for a short time.

There are a few people close to me who have died, in my lifetime. When I look back on why they are so special to me, and why I looked up to them while they were around, it has nothing to do with what they sacrificed for others. What I admired about them was how they lived their daily lives with passion, and how kind they were to others. I loved them for their uniqueness, and even for their ‘flaws’.

I want to end this post with an Instagram post from my friend Amanda, that really struck a chord with me this week: “Be proud of who you are and let it come out in everything you do.”

Love the days that allow for interesting introspection. Be proud of who you are and let it come out in everything you do.

A post shared by Amanda Staley (@staleybooks) on May 17, 2017 at 9:29am PDT