Jessica Azar's Blog, page 14

Why I Will Likely Never Go Viral

I read something tonight that really saddened me, and not because It spouted a view that’s different from my own, but because of the way it was written. This post slammed a personal choice that I and many others have made, and the ignorant statements made by the author left me stunned. And angry… And […]

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Homeschooling with Pop Culture: Smokey and the Bandit Edition

Contrary to the original “in the box” ideas I had about what homeschooling should look like, I have learned to find the educational nugget in just about anything. Gone are the days where I envisioned us sitting at the kitchen table and completing workbooks quietly, of completing daily science projects and beginning each morning with a prayer and the pledge. Nope. That might work in some houses, but not mine. We have certain things that we DO complete daily… or on most days, anyways… and then add other stuff in as I see fit. If something is piquing their interests, we pursue it.

There are days when I feel like my ears are bleeding and that I cannot take one more defiant look when I ask one of the boys to finish his schoolwork. I wonder why in the hell I thought homeschooling my kids would be a good idea, and I bang my head on the wall in frustration at the check my hypomanic idealism wrote that my crumbling mind is now having to cash. Then there are other days when I feel like I am the best mom in the world, champion of all things, and amazing giver-of-knowledge. Those are the days where my kids make startlingly brilliant observations about things like the American Revolution and dazzle random people with their knowledge of geography. They play nicely and don’t yell mean things at each other while I look for chocolate and wish it were late enough in the day for Scotch. I think to myself, “Self, homeschooling was the best idea EVER! These kids are learning so much, and we have so much fun together. I will ALWAYS homeschool!”.

And sometimes I have a day like today. We watched Smokey and the Bandit. Yep, Burt Reynolds, a Trans-Am, and a truckload of bootlegged Coors beer. The boys had been hearing the theme song, “Eastbound and Down” on a local classic country station, and I explained that it came from the movie, and the basic plot. Being that they’re little boys, the thought of a movie featuring fast cars, running from angry cops, and a song they liked sounded good, and they’ve been begging me to watch it. I’ve been putting them off because the language and the subject matter isn’t kid-friendly, but when we sat down this morning after taking the girls to school, we saw that it was on TV. It was on a station that I knew would censor the rougher language, so I consented to their pleas to watch it. Sometimes, you have to just say to hell with the day’s mundane plans of math workbooks and laundry, and watch Smokey and the Freaking Bandit. It was everything I thought it would be and more…. and totally justifiably educational.

Allow me to explain the subjects of academia that we covered while watching Burt Reynolds’ mustache and Jackie Gleason make a hilarious ass of himself. I call it Homeschooling with Pop Culture.

1) Geography- The kids have learned the layout of our great nation this year as a part of their curriculum: states and capitals, mountain ranges, rivers, you name it. They knew right away where Texarkana had to be, and the states Bandit would cross during the trip.

2) Economics- My oldest said to me, “That’s kind of brilliant that they didn’t allow Coors to be sold east of Texas… Made everyone want it even more that couldn’t have it.” Me: “Yes, son, it’s called Supply and Demand.” Him: “So, if someone wanted to make a lot of money on something, they could find a way to make it illegal and make even more money, right?” Me: “Yes, but that’s against the law… they could go to prison.” Him: “Only if they get caught.” God, help us.

3) Science- How CBs work versus how cell phones work, and Newton’s Third Law of Motion (When one body exerts a force on a second body, the second body simultaneously exerts a force equal in magnitude and opposite in direction on the first body) as we watched all of the awesome car crashes in the movie

4) Criminal Justice- They learned all about bootlegging and police jurisdictions…. which made them laugh even harder at the Sheriff as he raced across state lines in an attempt to arrest Bandit. My younger son had this to offer: “So if you do something bad, just keep running until you cross into another jurisdiction, and they can’t get you, right?” Me: “Um, technically, yes… but law enforcement works together across jurisdiction lines… They could call their police friends and tell them you were coming, then THEY could arrest you.” Him: “That’s a problem. Maybe Bandit could share the beer with the cops if they catch him.” Me: “That’s called bribery… against the law” Him: “If the cop wanted the beer, why would he tell?” Me: ….

5) History- The 1970’s CB Craze and life before cell phones. We also discussed contraband and why Prohibition didn’t work back in the 1920’s… and why it DID work to the advantage of the bootleggers. This brought up an interesting discussion about legislating morality (my terms, not theirs) but that was interrupted by another car crash, on-screen. If you ever want to mesmerize a little boy, just show them things crashing or blowing up.

6) Math- How many beers were they moving if there were 400 cases of Coors beer to be brought back? How many hours could they spend in each state if they had 28 hours to do complete the beer run? Not only are these real-life type questions… this is the stuff that I lie in bed trying to figure out late at night. And yes, we really did complete the math for those.

I’ve learned that school doesn’t have to be sitting in a desk and being forced to listen to another person droning on about a subject. Learning is a a conversation, whether it’s in traditional school, homeschool, or everyday life. My kids are continually learning from everything around them… so am I. So just remember, next time you see Smokey and the Bandit on TV, or any other movie, you can probably find an educational angle if you look hard enough. Or just a killer Trans-Am.

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I Got a Fever, and FlipFlops are the Cure

Being that I have no time and very little cash to spend on a pedicure these days, I have been worried about what my feet will look like in flipflops. I mean, I LIVE in flipflops during the spring and summer, and warm weather is FINALLY here! Painting my toes a fun color does a lot for the curb appeal of my tootsies, but rough, cracked heels not only look awful, they FEEL even worse. My husband has screamed out in pain before, when my sandpaper hooves scraped his feet… and he’s a big man, y’all, he needs his feet to be in good working order. Finally, the answer to our problems has been invented.

In honor of Spring, well, springing, I’m teaming up with The Invention Brothers to give you a chance to win a fabulous new beauty exfoliator called The Skoother® Skin Smoother, as well as an iPad Mini!

Have you heard of the Skoother?

It’s the most effective way to quickly and easily smooth rough skin and calluses on your feet, heels, elbows and hands, and it’s unique design makes it much more effective than pumice stones, emery pads, metal graters (ouch!), motorized sanders, and other skin-smoothing gimmicks.

It’s easy to hold.

It conforms to your body, making it quick and easy to use.

It doesn’t require batteries.

The Micro-Abrasive Screen is rough enough to remove stubborn calluses on your heels, but gentle enough also lightly smooth the skin on more delicate areas like your hands and knees.

It has been medically-tested by a team of doctors at the University of Michigan Health System, Ann Arbor.

It’s easy to clean.

And by entering the Rafflecopter form below, you will have a chance to win one (1) of 20 Skoothers to get your skin ready for summer.

But wait – it gets better!

We’re also giving away 4 Margarators® (1 Gallon Party Blender) and one (1) grand prize of an iPad Mini!

What a great way to kick off the warm weather!

All you have to do is complete the form below to enter between April 20, 2015 at 12:00 am EST and April 30, 2015 at 11:59 pm EST.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

And if you don’t win but would still like to be one of the first to experience the Skoother, simply sign up using THIS FORM between May 1, 2015 and June 14, 2015. The Launch Day Special for a Skoother is only $12 + free shipping. We will contact you through your email sign-up to give you more details!

Good luck!

For complete contest rules and regulations, CLICK HERE.

Herd Management received no compensation for sponsoring this event, and is not responsible for the delivery of the prize. Prize delivery is the sole responsibility of The Invention Brothers / Comstock Studios Inc. Twenty-five (25) winners will be drawn randomly and notified by email. The winners will have 48 hours to respond in order to claim their prize. If they do not respond within the 48 hours, they will forfeit the prize and an alternate winner will be chosen. This post may contain affiliate links.

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Outlander Starz Still Loves MY Quote

I can’t help but feel super excited that Starz is still using a quote taken from my review of Outlander’s first episode when i was syndicated on the Entertainment vertical of Huffington Post Blog.

They’ve used it in a huge, full-page color ad in the NY Times,

used it on various TV commercials and episode trailers,

but this is the first time they’ve actually attached my name to it!!!

Now if Huff Post would only start accepting my work again….

Have you been watching Outlander???

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The Reality of Surviving Mental Illness Through Humor

Once upon a time there was this blogger named Jessica who had been very open about her life with Bipolar Disorder. She wrote about it, talked about it, and probably made a few people uncomfortable because stigma is everywhere. She had learned that her mental illness didn’t have to keep her from having a happy, awesomely productive life, and wanted everyone around her to know the same thing… especially people who might be dealing with their own mental illnesses privately. One day, Jessica was scrolling through Facebook and trying to ignore kids screaming for various things, when she saw a post about Panic Disorder by a typically hilarious blogger named Alyson Herzig. I mean, Alyson’s blog name is The Shitastrophy-Need I say more? The woman has humor-writing chops, and has a huge fan base to prove it. Jessica read the piece on Panic Disorder, where Alyson discussed a very embarrassing situation that she had experienced the weekend prior while at a huge writer’s conference. On impulse, Jessica sent Alyson a private message on Facebook just to say that she admired that Alyson had spoken publicly about her mental illness, that she suffered from Bipolar Disorder, and had begun to notice that many other writers suffered from various mental illnesses as well. After agreeing that their brain chemistry had certainly gotten something right by giving them a gift of creativity, they talked about the rampant discrimination born out of mental illness stigma that exists. Alyson and Jessica decided that SOMEONE needed to step up and create a book that would let those suffering all alone that they are not, in fact, alone. Some of the most impressive individuals throughout history lived with a mental illness. These two crazy women decided that the world needed to know that so many popular depictions of mental illness are false, that having a mental illness doesn’t mean a life of only misery. Out of this discussion, the idea for an anthology that came to be known as Surviving Mental Illness Through Humor was developed. After a year filled with accepting submissions, selecting the perfect submissions for the anthology, countless rounds of editing, website creation, logo development, book cover contests, insane publishing software processes and more, the book that could change the world’s perceptions and pre-conceived ideas about mental illness was released on April 7, 2015. To celebrate, these two women on a mission that just happen to be humor writers had a drink (Alyson had a Sierra Nevada, Jessica has Scotch, of course) via FaceTime and said cheers. They did it.

Yesterday a personal dream of mine came true as I watched a book that I co-edited and co-authored was released to the world. This book is one like no other that I have ever encountered, and I can’t even express how deeply I wish a book like this had been around when I received my Bipolar Diagnosis in 2008. I felt so alone, was so incredibly scared of what my life would be like with the mental illness, and most of all, how society would treat me once they knew. My family and friends didn’t know about my diagnosis for nearly a year (except for my amazing husband), and once I did reveal it more publicly, even had a family member (who very likely suffers from Bipolar, as well, but is undiagnosed) make fun of me and call it an “excuse to be weak”. Let me tell you, anyone that you know that suffers from a mental illness is NOT WEAK. Living with a mental illness makes everything more difficult, and the people making it from day to day, living normal lives, are NOT WEAK. They are awesome, but simply have different mental wiring than most. How we, as mental illness sufferers, deal with our symptoms and the care we receive is instrumental in the quality of life that we have, and making someone handle all of this stuff alone because they fear ridicule or discrimination is WRONG. This is why Surviving Mental Illness Through Humor is so incredibly important. It’s a book that provide 36 unique, individual voices speaking about their personal experience, both hilarious and hideously sad, and it not only has the power to help those with mental illnesses feel connected, but it can also help those who are NOT living with a mental illness see the inner-workings of minds unlike their own. SMITH has the power to change the public perception of the mentally ill, and when that happens, people will be less scared of social rejection and seek the supportive help they need.

The acronym of our book, SMITH, ironically conveys the prevalent, common nature of mental illness. Just as the surname Smith is THE most common last name in America, 1 in 4 Americans will experience mental illness personally at some point in their lifetimes. That is ALOT of people hiding in shame, scared to face a world so ready to shun them. By buying this book, you are educating yourselves and those around you about the reality that is mental illness, and helping to change attitudes, one at a time. My kids know that I’m Bipolar… I have explained it as my brain working differently from most people’s, but that doesn’t mean I’m “broken” or defective, just that I have bad days and special needs at times, just as someone with diabetes or another medical condition does. I want for them to respect others who need their compassion, and to model that behavior to their peers. By working together, we can kick mental health discrimination in the teeth, and ‘Laugh Stigma into Submission!’

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Outlander Episode 109 “The Reckoning” Synopsis and Analysis

The long-awaited return of Outlander on Starz was well-rewarded with “The Reckoning”. Images of a beautiful Scottish waterfall appear at the beginning of Outlander Episode 109, showing water rushing over rocks and waves colliding into one another. This imagery foreshadows the conflicts in the episode that will occur between multiple factions over many situations. Although these conflicts aren’t all directly connected, they all affect other situations in the episode. As Jamie’s voiceover ponders the importance of choices that people make in their lives, he skips stones in a slower-moving section of the stream. The ripples from a stones’ landing signifies the impact that each of our choices have on life and those around us. Jamie cites that knowing his actions as a man will not only affect him, but also those around him, and Claire in particular, was when he became a man.

Jamie finally meets with Horrocks, a British Army deserter that has knowledge of who shot a sergeant at Fort William, for which Jamie has been framed. After being given the gold demanded for this information, Horrocks reveals that Black Jack Randall was the murderer. The MacKenzies dispute that even Randall, as vile as he is, wouldn’t shoot one of his own men. Jamie seems to accept this information, although he is disappointed in the loss of hope at being able to clear his name and the price on his head. At this point, a member of the MacKenzie party comes running up, frantically saying that Claire has been taken by Redcoats and that she was fighting like crazy to get away. Jamie’s expression changes, revealing that he cares much more for Claire’s safety than his own, and instantly chooses to leads the charge to rescue her from Fort William.

Murtagh and Jamie set upon Fort William to retrieve Claire, and force a guarding soldier to tell them where she is being held. After killing him to ensure his silence, Jamie climbs to the top of the castle’s tower, silencing another soldier and taking his pistol. He tests the security of a rope and repels down the wall and swings into the room where Black Jack Randall is holding Claire hostage, with her dress torn wide open and about to be raped. Jamie shows remarkable restraint in choosing to not charge Randall, because Claire’s safety is paramount. Randall laughs when he sees Jamie, asking how his handiwork is doing (meaning the floggings he had inflicted upon Jamie months before) and inviting him to watch the evening’s entertainment, as he attacks Claire. She intermittently tries to fight back and protest, only to be silenced by force by Randall.Randall forces Jamie to surrender the pistol, then takes it and fires it at Jamie, only to find the pistol empty. Jamie seizes this opportunity to rush Randall, render him unconscious and hastily unbind Claire. He then gently covers her with a cloak before leading her to escape down the stairwell. Jamie’s voiceover mentions that he often wondered later why he didn’t kill Randall at that point, which foreshadows impending consequences from not doing away with him. After beating back soldiers on the stairs, Jamie and Claire encounter a sizable explosion, set by the other MacKenzie men, which successfully subdued the remaining soldiers pursuing the couple. At this point, Jamie and Claire look over the edge of the castle wall, knowing that they must jump into the water to survive. Claire asks Jamie if there’s actually water down there, as it’s too difficult to see in the foggy darkness. He replies that he hopes so, and they show their resolve to survive as they make yet another choice to take this literal leap of faith. The waves crashing in the water below symbolize the myriad of conflicts they willingly choose to brave together.

After riding all night, Jamie and Claire dismount along with the other clansmen at an inn. Jamie takes Claire aside to formally ask her if she’s alright after the previous evening’s peril, and then asks for an apology. She angrily denies her fault in being taken captive, and he cites her choice of disobedience to stay where he instructed her to remain had put them all in great danger. Both are angry and hurt from the shattered expectations that have resulted from the entire debacle. Their facial expressions and body language intensely convey the palpable tension between these two characters, as multiple emotions collide. She slaps him and he seizes her and fiercely warns her to not do it again. Explosive rage from both of them ensues as they yell and scream insults at one another. Jamie finally turns away, nearly collapsing with exhaustion from the intense emotions and thought of having potentially lost Claire at Fort William. They apologize to each other tenderly and affectionately reconcile. Jamie’s voiceover says that he had already forgiven Claire for this and anything else she might ever do, long before this happened, because he of falling in love.

They walk into the inn and join the other Highlanders for supper. The men ignore Claire, pointedly, and Jamie nods to himself knowingly. He knows what is expected of him by his culture for his wife’s grievous error. After being ignored again when trying to apologize to them, Claire decides to go to bed. At her leave, Murtagh reminds Jamie of what she had cost them, as if to steel him for what he must do. Jamie enters their bedroom, and begins calmly taking to Claire, who is lying in bed, as he undresses. She apologizes again, and he says that if she had only offended him he wouldn’t think anything of it, but her choice to rebel had affected others. He stands up, removes his belt, and says that he must punish her. Claire pops up out of the bed with a bewildered, horrified expression, as he tells her to pull up her skirt for her ‘hiding’. She forcefully refuses, and he started hurriedly explaining that she came from an easier way of life and that this would make her truly understand that she would never forget. Energetic fiddle music strikes up in the soundtrack as they begin facing off. She throws a glass at him as he charges towards her. The other men downstairs laugh and comment on the situation upstairs as they play dice. Dougal says this is Jamie’s duty, and the others speculate who’s actually punishing who. He cuts her off from escaping and starts spanking her. She fights to get away and strikes him in the testicles to make him let go. Now angry, Jamie recovers her and begins spanking her with the strap again. She claws his face as the beating continues, with him saying that he only said he must punish her, and not that he wouldn’t like it. The choice to physically punish Claire results in them both being weakened, emotionally and physically. By opposing each other, as two competing waves in a storm, they cannot overcome one another and will continue to bounce about in misery.

The next morning at breakfast, the Highlanders tease an annoyed Claire about her sore bottom, so she withdraws from them and Jamie. They ride back to the Castle Leoch and enter the Great Hall to find the castle’s inhabitants warmly congratulating them on their marriage and excitedly welcoming them home. Dougal and his wife enter the Hall, and Dougal congratulates Claire, but pointedly doesn’t offer warm words to Jamie, while staring at him angrily. Jamie is disappointed and confused by this, but goes to speak to Colum afterwards in his office, along with Ned and Dougal. On his way to Colum’s office, crying Laoghaire stops Jamie begging to know why he had married Claire. He comforts her, saying he would explain later, apologizing that he had hurt her. In choosing to not explain that he married Claire because he loves her, and not strictly out of honor, he leads Laoghaire on, giving her hope that he would want her if Claire wasn’t in the picture.

Colum asks Jamie, Ned and Dougal about the marriage and about the gold that had been raised for the Jacobite cause without his blessing. Dougal defends Jamie here, saying that he only used Jamie’s back to illustrate the brutality of the English. Colum shows that one of the men from the rent-collecting party has brought him the gold raised for the Jacobite cause. A faceoff between the MacKenzie brothers escalates, as Colum attempts to declare his sovereignty, and Dougal defends his allegiance to Bonnie Prince Charlie. Dougal says that he has declared his loyalty to Colum repeatedly, fought his wars for him and even went so far as to ensure his bloodline (by having a son with Colum’s wife), but that freeing Scotland from the English and restoring a Stuart to the throne more important than the Clan. At this point tensions are insanely high, and Colum dismisses the older men, but keeps Jamie with him. Colum berates Jamie for choosing to marry a Sassenach (Englishwoman), knowing that in doing so he wouldn’t have to be Colum’s successor. Colum sees this as a betrayal, and Jamie denies that it was intended as one.

Jamie goes to his and Claire’s bedroom to find her getting ready for bed. She coolly responds to his report about the meeting with Colum and stops him from getting in bed with her. She’s still angry and hurt emotionally from the strapping, and sends him on his way.

After encountering a group of the clansmen who side with Dougal that are punishing the man who gave the Jacobite gold to Colum, Jamie and Murtagh speculate on how they can get away from the castle with Claire to keep from having to choose between Colum and Dougal. Jamie chooses to go to Colum and make a big for bringing peace to the clan before a full out war erupts. He appeals to Colum to give Dougal back the gold and allow him to play the rebel, because even though it may appear weak, Colum is actually retaining control by pacifying his brother. Colum tells Jamie to send for Dougal and Ned, and gives Dougal back the Jacobite gold, but implies that he retains control. Colum also calls for a banquet for the Duke of Sandringham, a British royal that has Jacobite sympathies.

Jamie goes to his favorite quiet spot and ponders how to fix things with Claire as he skips stones into the stream. Again the ripples made by the stones reflect the impact of the choices he is making on himself and others. Laoghaire walks into the clearing and says that she can tell Jamie isn’t happy with Claire. As they talk, and he says that he is wed she disrobes, saying that he is all she’s ever wanted. She tries to seduce him, but he chooses to reject her as Jamie and Claire’s them plays softly in the soundtrack. He apologizes as she runs away. In choosing to reject Laoghaire, Jamie has ensured the sanctity of his relationship with Claire, but ominous things could result at the hands of the scorned maiden.

Jamie goes to his room with Claire, and says that even though his family’s tradition commands that wives are to obey their husbands that maybe their marriage should be different. He pledges his loyalty to her, formally, and Claire says that she stills wants him even though her logic disagrees. Their conflicting opinions combine into one united wave as they choose each other. While passionately making love Claire grabs a weapon and holds it to Jamie’s throat, demanding his promise to never raise a hand to her again. He agrees and they continue intensely making up. Jamie says he is her master and she is his, that he couldn’t possess her soul without losing his own. Afterwards they talk, and Jamie asks her the meanings of words she had called him during their fight, and she laughingly explains the meanings. When he rises to get them something to eat, Claire find a strange object under the bed. Jamie sees it and explains that it’s an “ill-wish”… and angrily says that he thinks Laoghaire left it there, meaning to harm Claire. As they exchange these explanations, we can see that they choose to empower each other with their gifts of knowledge; they’re not only giving each other their bodies and hearts, but also their strength. When two colliding waves crash into each other, they either dissolve into smaller, ineffectual waves, or become a stronger one together. Jamie and Claire face off multiple times in conflict, but as they continue to choose to accept each other and yield in their more selfish desires, they will become stronger in their relationship and tougher against outside forces against them.

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