Mark Steel's Blog, page 4

The US is already giving us chlorinated chicken, let's bring in voter suppression too

Over the last 700 years, the people entitled to vote have gradually increased, to property owners, all men, then women and finally anyone over 18. So it's only fair we start going back the other way

The only way this government can reduce homelessness is by classifying a park bench as a studio flat

The homelessness figures began to shoot up, even by the Tories' own estimates, in 2010. It's a complete mystery why that should be the year

Soon we'll all enjoy supermarkets more – once the crowds of low-skilled migrant staff have been deported

From now on, wherever there's a field of strawberries, instead of letting Romanians muck us about by picking them, the fruit can go rotten so British maggots can have somewhere to live at last

The only thing the Tories learnt from the Windrush scandal was the thrill of deporting people

In this new and exciting environment, the possibilities for revelling in people's despair are endless. We could even have deportation theme parks

With their Iowa entertainment, the Democrats have made the news watchable again

There's no finer way of proving governmental competence than holding an election you've had three years to prepare for, only to declare all the votes have gone missing because no one knows how computers work

Brexit day is here, so let us celebrate our biggest victory – the freedom to drink very bad wine

Finally, we'll be free to toast to a new spirit of harmony with Europe in the PROPER British way

As Brexit day approaches, let us celebrate our biggest victory – the freedom to drink very bad wine

Finally, we'll be free to toast to a new spirit of harmony with Europe in the PROPER British way

If you say Muslim women look like letterboxes, the only job you can get is prime minister – it's the woke brigade's fault

Actors, in particular, have faced appalling hardship. Half of the country's actors currently working were educated at private schools. We're now so woke that the other half of acting roles are going to that lucky group known as 'common people'

Who needs pompous scientists with annoying graphs when we have Matt Hancock to solve the climate crisis?

The health secretary's strategy for the election in 2060 is to win by five votes to three among the eight people left alive after the apocalypse

No wonder Meghan and Harry are stepping back – she's probably running for Labour leader

The rule appears to be that it's treason to criticise the royal family, until there's a member of the royal family the establishment don't approve of, then it's treason not to call them vermin