Veronica Blake's Blog, page 7

CAN YOU GO BACK?

What if you made a life altering change that affected everything and everyone in your life and then months or years later you start to doubt that monumental decision?  Can you find a way back or has too much happened to recapture all or even just a part of the way of life you once thought you didn’t want anymore?

How do you determine if the longing to return to your previous lifestyle, ex-relationship, past job, or lost friendship is not just guilt or loneliness and depression, or if it’s a real need to bring back something or someone vitally important to you that has been missing since choosing a new direction for your life?

Facing the realization that you might have made an immense mistake can leave you in a state of confusion, sadness and fear.  What if you try to reclaim what you lost, were forced to leave, or walked away from only to find you should have left things as they are now, because you’ve also brought back all the old hurts, resentments and insecurities that caused you to make the change in the first place?  What has happened to make you want to even reconsider going back to a place where you felt you weren’t happy or fulfilled?  Has the death of a loved one or loss of something you cherished caused you to start missing or wondering about people or places that are no longer a part of your life?  Maybe something really wonderful has happened recently and you are wishing you could celebrate this happy time with an old friend or ex-lover who once shared every dream, every desire and every aspect of your life with you.

If you do reconcile with the ex-boyfriend or girlfriend you broke up with because you thought there was no future with them, do you both want it badly enough to do whatever it takes to make it work out the second time around?  Have you adjusted your attitude so that the town you thought you couldn’t wait to leave would be a more pleasant place to live if you moved back?  What about the old friend, maybe once your closest friend, that you had a horrible falling out with years ago?  Can all the bitterness be forgotten and not interfere with an attempt to renew the friendship? Perhaps the company you thought was a horrible place to work has a new opening, and you realize it wasn’t the worse place you’ve ever worked, after all. In fact, it was much better than the place you work at now.  If you were to be rehired would you be able to go back to work there without letting the old aggravations influence the way you do your job like you did when you were employed there before?

What if it was an error in judgment or major slip-up on your end that caused your life to go down a different path than you had originally chosen?  Is it remorse or a sense of obligation that has you wishing you could find a way to make amends or do you sincerely want another chance to set things right and return to the way things were before you messed up?  Are you unable to find joy or contentment in the life you live now because you constantly dwell in the past and fantasize about how things might have turned out if you hadn’t made that huge mistake?

There are just so many issues to be addressed when trying to reassess why you made a drastic change in your life.  Sometimes returning to somewhere, something or someone from your past is a comforting thought.  You already know what to expect, and time has probably softened the bad memories, so now you are able to focus on the good memories. Or, your life is worse now than it was before you made the decision to go a different route.  I think it’s only human nature to hope the problems that existed before will somehow be resolved and the next time will be perfect, but is it completely unrealistic?

Places don’t usually change much, but we are capable of making positive changes within ourselves if we are willing to face our inner fears and doubts, and maybe that is enough to make all the difference if you decide to rethink a past decision you feel differently about now.  But, we cannot change other people or circumstances that are out of our control, so we have to be willing to make compromises we might not have been willing to make before, or face the consequences of having things fail all over again.  Will this loss be even harder to cope with now?  If you regret a former decision badly enough I believe you will find the strength to take a courageous step towards reclaiming the part of your past you miss so much, which also means taking a step backwards in some ways. Hopefully, this next time you will be armed with new determination, wisdom and confidence to confront and overcome the issues that caused those changes to occur in the first place.  Use the negativity in your past to build a strong foundation for a positive new beginning.  More importantly, if it doesn’t turn out as you are hoping it will, you must be able to walk away a second time knowing you have done all that you are capable of doing.  You have to trust enough in yourself to let go of the regrets this time, to not look back again, and not to be too hard on yourself, because obviously there really were legitimate reasons you made that radical change in the first place.  You can only move forward at this point. 

What do you think?  Can you go back to a place or to a person you once thought you needed to get away from and can you make amends for your own past mistakes that will make a real difference in your future happiness and peace of mind?  Or, is revisiting the past only a pathway to renewed heartbreak and disappointment?

(I will be doing a series of blog posts about relationships, feelings and life in general as research and background material for my new book, A WOMAN MY AGE.  I look forward to hearing your opinions and comments on the subjects I will be discussing here.  Thank you.)

Photo credit: Micha Rainer Pali

COUNTING BLESSINGS

Several months ago I had shared this photo with Robin’s quote on Facebook after ending a long hard relationship where I felt more alone being with that particular man than I do now that I’m actually alone. I could relate in a deep and emotional way to his words, and I still can. Now, however, I  find it so sad to hear how Robin supposedly decided the only way to cope with the suffering and demons he must have been dealing with in his own life, was to just give up.  I can relate to that, too, in some ways. It’s so very hard to be strong sometimes. It’s overwhelming at times.  Life is so hard.

Having just lost a beloved family member–unexpectedly and much too young–two weeks ago today, I find myself once again wondering how we are expected to pick up the pieces and move on after suffering such a devastating loss.  But, then something that seems so insignificant in the big scheme of life happens, like hearing my youngest grandson laugh while he’s jumping on the trampoline with his friends, seeing my very elderly parents kiss one another good morning, or the sweet melody of my oldest grandson playing a beautiful song that his mother used to love on his guitar down in my garage where he has set up a make-shift music room while he’s in town until after we have her memorial service next week.  And, I’m reminded all over again that no matter how hard it seems–no matter how much I just feel like giving up sometimes–those simple and small things that happen casually in our everyday lives matter so much more than all of the hardships. Once again I realize it’s worth all the pain, the loss, the loneliness and the heartbreak, because we are still here, together, and we are creating more cherished memories every single moment of every day that we are here.

I am so blessed to be surrounded by all these amazing people, young and old, family and friends, and the ones we’ve lost who have touched our lives so deeply. It’s just so unfortunate that sometimes it is only tragedy that makes us realize how lucky we truly are. ♡

 

THE DELICATE SUBJECT OF BOOK DEDICATIONS

Did you ever dedicate a book to someone who didn’t care? I once dedicated a book to a man I cared about and he never even bothered to read the book or even to thank me. His mother was so embarrassed by the mention of his name in the dedication she didn’t even want the autographed copy of the book I tried to give to her when it was released. She was afraid the dirty scenes were about him. HA! I only wanted to include him in the dedication because I thought it was a nice gesture and I thought he was deserving of this acknowledgement.

For me, dedicating a book to someone is an extremely personal gesture. A dedication in one of my books means that you have influenced my life in a positive way. It’s very special to me and I hope the people in my dedications feel the same way, at least the majority of them.

My dedications have always included my editor at the time, because I feel that if not for them, the book would not even be getting published.  If they liked my writing enough to get a publishing contract for me that is definitely worth a mention in my dedication. My immediate family members are always included in my dedications, because they are the ones who suffer through all my craziness while I’m writing a book, so they deserve a mention. Others that I feel should be included in my dedications are my wonderful friends that have offered me words of encouragement or have spent their precious time reading rough drafts and giving me honest critiques. I value their opinions, so I feel they deserve a place in my dedication, too. If my latest book ever finds a publisher, the dedication list will be very long because it’s taken a lot of encouragement to get me through the agony of trying to switch genres.

This is not really a dedication, but the one thing I am most grateful for doing, even though I read recently that it wasn’t always a professional thing to do, is to have a picture taken with my dog for the back cover on two of my previous books. My beautiful furry best friend, whom I lost to cancer two years ago, is forever at my side in that photo. So, in some very small way her legacy will always live on with mine on the inside cover of those two novels and that is my dedication to her for being such a loving and loyal friend.

Whether you dedicate a book to one person, to thirty people, or no one, it’s a very deliberate decision. Anyone an author includes in this special tribute should know that they are someone special, too.

 

HOT OR NOT

Contemporary romance is the hot thing right now.  Historical Romance is not so hot right now.   Paranormal is still hot, but not if it’s about vampires—vampires are really cold (excuse the pun).  Witches, angels and demons are hot.  Shape-Shifters are still hot, but only if the hero or heroine shifts into something odd like a dragon or a dinosaur; or some towering hairy beast.  How about a hero with fish gills, who when in the throes of passion sprouts octopus-type tentacles shaped like penises and can do multiple women at a time?  Not your cup of tea?  Mine neither.

Recently I attended a romance writer’s conference with the hopes of being inspired to continue on my quest to switch genres from Historical Romance to Paranormal Contemporary Romance.  Instead, as I listened to some of the authors on the panels and in the workshops I came away feeling discouraged and out of touch with what is popular in the romance market at this time.  Besides cowboy and Native American heroes, I love vampires.  I’ve always read books and watched movies about vampires, so that is what I wrote about when I decided to try something different from my previous eleven Western Romances.  Switching genres and finding my contemporary voice was not easy for me.  It took me over two years to write this new vampire book and I think I might have missed the boat, so to speak, by a year or two.  One agent and one editor have already told me that they weren’t looking at any new manuscripts about vampires and the talk at the conference confirmed this trend.  It appears vampires are way too tame for the new paranormal market and I am not sure I want to write about half-reptilian heroes or demons that grow horns and tails when turned on.  A debonair warlock, maybe.  But, a mysterious dangerously sexy vampire who thirsts for the blood of his one true love will always be my first choice when it comes to paranormal heroes.

I could write another Historical and give up on my desire to write a series of romance novels about vampires, but my heart isn’t into writing another historical at this time, and after attending a panel on Historical Romance at the conference it was apparent traditional publishers aren’t buying many books in that genre right now either.  Still, I have no doubt that someday I will write about the Old West again.  What I did hear time and time again at the conference was that hot—very hot, very erotic—contemporaries are the types of books everyone wants to read right now.  Alpha males and strong heroines, such as cops, firefighters and secret agent-types are the hot commodities in the romance market at this time, and the sex should be scorching—no holds barred and preferably in public places.

So, what does an old-fashioned type writer do in this new market?  I’m just going to keep writing because it’s been far too long since I’ve had a new book released, and I won’t give up on my hot vampire hero, because I think his story is just too good not to find a literary home someday.  I’m going to start working on another manuscript about one Hell of a hot alpha male and a hot heroine who is as much of an alpha as my hero.  There will be lots of hot—very hot, very erotic love scenes in very public places, and yes, my hero is going to be a vampire.  So even though I left the conference feeling a bit defeated and confused, after having time to think about what I learned from attending, I realized that I did gain a new enthusiasm for my writing even if I don’t want to write about what is considered hot right now.  In my world ‘bite me’ and ‘I want to suck your blood’ are still quite hot.

LIFE AS A GOLDEN GIRL

Rejected, unwanted, unworthy, old, fat and ugly.  That is how I felt coming out of a twenty year relationship with a man who made me the lowest priority in every aspect of his life.  I knew I had to make a change if I had any hopes of surviving, but it is taking more courage than I ever imagined to start a new life as a (cough, gag) senior citizen.   Please add ‘terrified’ to that original sentence.

I’m working on my self-esteem; teaching myself that it’s all right to feel worthy of being treated with respect and affection.  I can lose weight and get a new hairdo, but I’m stuck with the ‘old’ part…sigh.  For me, the biggest obstacle to starting over as a ‘woman of a certain age’ is the fear of running out of time before I can finally get ‘it’ right.  Making a life-altering change such as leaving a bad relationship after decades has left me feeling as if there is not enough time left to do the things I should have done a long ago.

In the past, I thought of myself as a brave woman; a voyager who charged at life with little or no apprehension.  But instead, I’m learning how much of a coward I truly am as I am faced with being a failure in the final chapters of my life.  Although it took overwhelming courage to finally get out of a bad relationship when I was feeling so defeated, I am now filled with a constant sense of panic.   I worry about everything.  Will I leave my children and grandchildren with a legacy that will make them proud of me?  Can I still have a lucrative writing career at my age or are my literary successes already behind me?  Will I grow older gracefully and still be a fun person others want to be around, or will I just be the crotchety old lady people feel obligated to be with out of pity?  Will I ever have a chance to find passion, romance or love again?  Will I die alone and unloved?  Do I care?   I do care enough to know I don’t want to be a bitter old lady.  I want to continue to laugh, to dance, to enjoy all the simple pleasures of life; to be my own best friend, to be a great friend to others, a loving daughter, mom and grandmother, and most of all, to be able to accept happily the cards that are dealt to me from here on out without dwelling on past mistakes or regrets.

It’s a constant surprise to me how much there still is for me to learn at this stage of my life.  Once, I honestly believed by the time I reached my golden years I would be living a life that was settled and calm in all facets…maybe even sedate and boring.  Silly me.  The road of life is filled with never-ending sharp curves, deep dark valleys, high mountain summits and beautiful unknown horizons.  I might be a bit worse for wear, older than I’d like to admit, and filled with nagging insecurities, but when I look in the mirror I see an image of a woman who still has lots of roads left to travel and many more lessons to learn.  Life at any age is as scary as it is exhilarating, and I’ve decided the adventure only stops when life ends.  It’s all very good.  Life as a Golden Girl is golden.   

Wri

Mateo Two Moons

Nearly three years ago, I decided to change genres.  I had eleven published Historical Romances, but I desperately wanted to write a Paranormal Contemporary Romance.  I just needed a little inspiration to get me started since this was a big change for me.  No, let’s make that a huge change, because switching genres has been way more difficult than I ever imagined it could be and I’ve rewritten this book more times than I care to remember.  The idea was there, but the change in writing style has not been easy for me.

Just about anything from a line in a song to a tree in a field can inspire an idea for a book in my head.  But, before I can actually start writing I always need to have a clear image of what my hero will look like, because when I write I become my heroine in my mind.  So, all of my emotions, desires, and feelings of undying love will be only for this very special man.  He has to be perfect for the part.  Once I can envision him clearly, then I can begin to imagine how my heroine should look, too.  Luckily for her, I’m only her in heart, spirit and soul; she doesn’t have to look like me, so she gets to be young and beautiful.  Ha! Ha!

I don’t really remember where I first found the picture of this man, but the moment I saw him, I knew he was Mateo Two Moons, the virile Apache vampire hero in my new manuscript.   Every time I’ve stared at the pages of SAVAGE BITE on my computer screen for the past several years, it has been this man’s dark, brooding and drop-dead gorgeous face that has driven every scene and emotion.  I learned his name only a week ago…Filip Gustavsson.   He will never know he has inspired some very sensuous love scenes and over three hundred pages of the most erotic book I’ve written to date.  So, here’s to book heroes and to those gorgeous men whose pictures set my imagination on fire and motivate me to create an entire world of fantasy just from one glance at their dangerously handsome faces.  What would I do without them?  I sure hope I never have to find out.

 

NEW FACEBOOK ‘WRITER’ PAGE

Last week, after several months of not having a designated Facebook page for my writing life, I started a new page.  My original writing page had hacked by a very horrible person who was posting stupid and degrading comments on all my posts and under the comments of the fans on my page using a fake profile.  It was humiliating and hurtful to think someone must dislike me enough to waste time doing something so childish and demeaning.  But, since I don’t know who was doing it, I’ve decided not to take it personally.   And, if it happens again, I’m not going to let them win.

For a time after shutting down my writing page, I was using my personal Facebook page to promote my books and talk about my new projects.  This made me a little uncomfortable since I had made my personal profile page public so that all my writing posts could be shared on my other media sites.  I stopped posting anything ‘personal’ on my personal page, which was not much fun because I loved sharing pictures of my family and talking about things we were doing with my Facebook friends and family.  I happened to mention this situation to another writer in a writer’s group I belong to, and he gave me some very good advice that I’ve decided to follow.  He told me a writer should keep their ‘writer’s life’ separate from their ‘personal life’ because the fastest way to lose friends is to promote your writing all the time on your personal Facebook page.  He said that when you keep your professional life separate from your personal life, only the people who really do care about your writing will join your ‘writing’ page.  I had to laugh (and agree with him), since I had noticed a long time ago that most of my personal friends, and even some family members, had not joined my first writing page, anyway.

So, if you are interested in following my writing life, I hope you will join me on the new ‘writer’ page. I will post things that have to do with my writing projects, anything I find inspirational (or just silly), and undoubtedly some suggestive and naughty stuff, because well, that’s just the way I am.  So, hop on and enjoy the ride! Sharing my fantasy world with you is an adventure I hope you will enjoy as much as I do!

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Veronica-Blake-Writer/266206860220484

#TWEETING IS FOR THE BIRDS

I’m just going to say it….I seriously dislike Twitter. 140 characters including spaces?  Are you kidding me?  I can barely complete half of a thought in that tiny space, so writing anything profound or exceptionally witty is out.  What to post on Twitter wastes more time than I have to spare and I usually end up posting really dumb stuff that makes me wonder what the heck I was thinking.  Sometimes, I will even go back and delete what I posted.  Although, I don’t know why, because I doubt anyone noticed I posted it anyway.  Yes, this is my Twitter Pity Party post.

Much to my dismay, all the research I’ve done about building an ‘Author Platform’ says that Twitter is probably the most important of all the social media sites when it comes to getting the attention of agents and publishers.  Supposedly, Twitter is the easiest site for the publishing peeps to check out to see if an author has a following or a good connection with their fans.   Well, if that’s the case, I’m screwed.

I’ve been trying to spend more time on Twitter than I do on any of my other social media sites.  I follow twice as many people as those who follow me on Twitter and no matter how many posts I ‘favorite’ or ‘retweet’, I rarely get a response from anyone.  Now, as a writer, I’m used to rejection, but it doesn’t mean I have to like it.  On Facebook and various other media sites, I’m just a social butterfly; on Twitter I’m the red-headed stepchild no one wants to talk to.

Since almost all of the people following me are other authors. I definitely feel I can learn a lot from the things they post.  But once again, the research I’ve done on ‘Author Platforms’ says that you want readers, not your peers, to be the majority of your Twitter followers, so I guess all I can hope for is that the authors who follow me will also want to read my books.  Or, once again, I’m just screwed.

With all this screwing going on, I should be having much more fun on Twitter than I am, but sadly, I just do it out of obligation.  Ummm?  Reminds me of my last relationship; and I gave up on that waste of time.  Ha!  I might be a little more tolerate of Twitter since I’m serious about building a strong Author Platform, and that last relationship wasn’t so strong or serious.  So, hard as that is, and as much as I dislike it, I will continue to be my vibrant prolific self in 140 characters or less.   #see you on Twitter.  #follow me please?  #I follow back.

https://twitter.com/VeronicaBlake53

BENEATH YOUR BEAUTIFUL

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bqIxCtEveG8

‘Beneath your Beautiful’ is playing in the background.   The music possesses us with its magical chords as we walk hand in hand to the middle of the dance floor.

“I’m going to climb on top of your ivory tower.”

 The words and rhythm are so sensual.  Swaying provocatively to the music, we meld together until every feasible part of our bodies are touching in an intimate manner.  My head rests against the side of your neck.  The intoxicating scent of your manly cologne fills my senses and makes my heart race wildly in my breast.   Your arm encircles my waist and your hand is resting on my hip, both protectively holding me as close to you as humanly possible.  I’ve never felt so desired, and so loved.  

“Would you let me see beneath your beautiful?  Would you let me see beneath your perfect?”

Everyone in the room is watching us.  We are magnetic together and exude raw passion from every pore in our bodies.  In slow motion we continue to move as one until the song ends.  You lean me back slightly, following me with your entire body.

“We’ll be falling, falling…” 

You kiss my lips full on, open mouthed, and unashamed that we are in the middle of a crowded room.  The music fades, but this dance is only a prelude to the fevered passion that awaits us.

“Would you let me see beneath your beautiful tonight?”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bqIxCtEveG8

BLACK HORSE

Adopted by the Sioux as a young child, Meadow thinks of herself as one of the People, until a white visitor to their camp notices her pale coloring and begins to question her background. On the verge of consummating her vows with the virile young chief who’s captured her heart, she is torn from the life she loves while he must risk his freedom to rescue her.
 
5.0 out of 5 stars Black horse, January 1, 2014
This review is from: Black Horse (Kindle Edition)
I do not ever spend a whole day reading a book, but this one I could not put down! A page turner to remember! I have read many books by many authors in my life…but this is the best I have ever read! This author is a genius.
 
Excerpt:

“What do you think will become of us?” Meadow asked Black Horse as they continued on their endless journey.

A heavy sigh echoed from the war chief before he finally spoke. “I wish I could tell you that everything would turn out the way Wakan Tanka meant for it to be for our people…that our bellies would always be full of buffalo and sweet berries and that the white men would go back to their own lands and leave us to live in peace on the lands that have belonged to us since the beginning of time. But that is apparently not what destiny holds for us. We will continue to fight with our enemies, and every single day will continue to be a struggle for our people. Yet, in spite of all of that—and because of all of that—we will always, always find a way to survive. We will have many children so that our people will never fade away completely, and most of all, we will love one another with a passion that cannot be equaled until we take our last dying breath.”

 

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00BT8WB2M/ref=rdr_kindle_ext_tmb