Monica Valentinelli's Blog: booksofm.com, page 64

Empty Head

I wrote about 3,000 words this morning and edited another 5K. All very deep and esoteric — plus I wrote a song. The 1800s-era tune is related to The Queen of Crows. When in doubt, go interstitial! Hoping to get the sheet music down; have to book at trip to the Madison Music Foundry to make that happen.

It’s cold, the house is quiet, and I’ve got some new music recommendations from my brother I’m drowning in. (Bat for Lashes and the dear SO also approves.) I’m super close to putting on a scarf and my voice is going, but I’m just shy of center. My creativity is exploding. My consulting techniques are improving, and my focus is getting sharper.

All in all, I have no complaints. Like I said last week, life takes a weird turn, and I turn to all my arts, because they give back to me. Just a lot on the agenda, including a class for basic macrame, and no time for sniffles or sneezing. Feh. But, there it goes. Sniffling. Sneezing. A shot of something or other in my coffee. (Okay, you got me. It’s whiskey.) But, the speakers are on maximum, my pitches are beginning to come to fruition, and there’s definitely more to be edited, written, polished, and consulted.

I’m actually drawing back on marketing-related updates to the website and will likely do that once a quarter. Right now, I’m more concerned with getting new stories and projects out the door. The best way to keep up on what’s happening, of course, will be here and Twitter. Facebook when I’m not annoyed with it. And yeah, I can get VERY annoyed with it.

Sigh. Twitter. I swear, for as much as I get out of it, every time I turn around there’s something else to be frustrated about. So…. change topic to Alexander McQueen: I WANT ! And, well… If I had to be honest… About half the jewelry on this page in particular — as many designs relate to skulls. Hee. Okay, pie in the proverbial sky? Isn’t this the most kick-ass riding jacket you’ve ever seen? LOVE.

Also, would like to point out Maybelline has some smashing nail colors for Spring. Very happy with their “Sapphire Siren” and “Go Go Green.” (Remember, cats and kittens… I always wear more than one at a time…)

Screw it. I’m dropping by Sephora sooner rather than later.

Mood: Eyebrow raise. Pretty much been that way ALL day.

Caffeinated Beverages Consumed: I gave up soda, so hit the ginseng yesterday. And then I broke down and had a soda. So, once again, trying to be good today. I have new coffee!

Work-Out Minutes Logged Yesterday: WHY IS IT SO COOOOOOLLLLLLDDDDDDDD?

In My Ears: “Milano” by Utopia

Game Last Played: Sonic and All-Stars Racing Transformed

Movie Last Viewed: Empire Strikes Back

Latest Artistic Project: SHINIES. Still need to take pics…

Latest Release: “The Button” We Are Dust anthology

January Is So Two-Faced. (Or What The Heck Is Going On)

And 2013 starts off with a bang! Or three. Or four. Right after the holidays, I dove into my style of project management; I set up a few spreadsheets, goals, graphs, and other ephemera — and hit the ground running. As a result, there will be several announcements leading into late Spring/Summer. Some are related to my own work, some are connected to licensed properties, and a few are in line with my “day job” wheelhouse, consulting. It began as a healthy enough mix of spec and paid, and all boats were lifting, lifting, lifting until…

This week, my SO, Matt, took a trip to the ER in the middle of a blizzard. It’s his heart. More tests, more exams scheduled, etc. etc. etc. Possibly surgery. Yeah, that kind. We just don’t know yet. So, more waiting.

Matt and I have been together for years; he is my family and he’s treated me like *gold.* I knew that he was a good guy when he told me, up and down, how much he hated musicals — but he showed up to my rock opera performance, anyway, to show his support. And, while he’s a very humble guy, he doesn’t talk about the charity work or any of the other amazing things he does to make the world a better place. He’s just not that way and I love him for it. In short: he’s my hero.

We’ve had our ups and downs, just like any other couple, but our troubles have always been relatively minor day-to-day stuff and pseudo mid-life crisis crap compared with everybody else. (He’s got a GREAT job and a very understanding boss.) This year, we were going to take that international vacation, wrap in a few work meetings with publishers, and start making some of our dreams come true. Mine, of course, is to make a decent enough living off of my creative works and consulting efforts so we can buy a house with a large garden. The future was already on our minds; milestone birthdays will do that to you.

It’s just… now I want our dreams, like our trip to England, to come true. I want to be that crazy American in a karaoke club singing Queen. (Though, admittedly, he may not be able to watch that part of the trip.) I want to find a Tardis, stand in front of Big Ben, grab a ridiculously tall glass of stout, and savor the best of English cuisine. And I want to do this with him.

I’ve always erred on the side of pragmatic, careful when I blog, because you never know who’s reading your updates. We’re both pretty private people and that allows us to have a life offline. However, I am a very passionate person and sometimes I am scared to tell you how much I love, love, love what I do and all the people in it. I’ve had a crazy-ass life — brilliant moments and horrifying lows — and I wouldn’t trade this for anything. But, at the same time, that passion (and the show of it) is very scary on the receiving end. (There’s a reason why folks say I’m a force of nature, after all.) It’s not socially appropriate to run down the street screaming at the top of your lungs, after all.

But why not? Seriously. WHY NOT? Half the time, I feel like I’m going to burst out of my skin. And, I can tell you, the more mortality you face, the more skin-bursting you’ll want to do.

Then, reality hits. And it’s a major downer. But I have no time to be down. None whatsoever. Maybe one day I’ll tell you the rest of this story, but I’m not ready to do that just yet.

So, now you know why you’re going to be seeing a lot more of me this year. I’m not just writing for Matt’s heart. I’m writing for mine, too. I just hope readers and gamers like you will follow.

Deep breath. Here we go…

Mood: Optimistic

Caffeinated Beverages Consumed: Balanced. It’s a strange feeling.

Work-Out Minutes Logged Yesterday: Um… Didn’t happen. Has to happen today.

In My Ears: “Stronger Than Ever” by Christina Aguilera

Game Last Played: Sonic and All-Stars Racing Transformed

Movie Last Viewed: Empire Strikes Back

Latest Artistic Project: SHINIES. Still need to take pics…

Latest Release: “The Button” We Are Dust anthology

On Limits

Another year, another birthday on the horizon. Sometimes, I need to give myself a swift kick in the bum, because I can be very forgetful on occasion. And by “forgetful,” I mean that I fixate on limitations of what I can and can’t do based on who I am biologically-speaking and not what I want to do.

It is exceptionally easy to obsess about one’s gender, sexuality, appearance, and age. Those cues are everywhere and, in many ways, it’s worse for women. We open magazines to find more pictures of beautiful women who’ve been photoshopped and altered from their original form. We see tabloid magazines that proudly proclaim celebrities are “just like us” then proceed to show them at their absolute worst. And body shapes tend to be “in season.” First, it’s skinny jeans which only look good on a specific body type. Then, it’s bell bottoms which are great for women with curves.

Regardless, ours is a society that is hyper-focused on women between the ages of 18 and 25 — sometimes not even that, for there’s more than a few models out there that aren’t of age yet. Everything seems to originate from the fountain of youth and while most women can get away with wearing younger-looking clothes for a period of time, that tends to change as your body shifts via pregnancy, illness, hormone imbalances, etc.

Mind you, I absolutely love fashion and I will be the first one to say that there is a lot of art to be found there. I don’t think, however, the fashion industry dictates how we feel about ourselves. That is our responsibility.

On top of this, of course, are the comments you hear about someone’s age. Sometimes they’re negative; other times, positive. But it’s always as if the age itself has something to do with whether or not you can do the things you want to do, whether that’s play video games or climb mountains or date or whatever. It’s as if we take to heart what we can do because everyone else is saying — well, you can’t at your age. So, health and safety concerns aside, we put limits on ourselves and we do this because social pressure is overwhelming us. “I’m too old to…” or “Oh, what will people think. Women my age don’t…” or “I can’t wear that!”

I am of the belief that beauty comes from within and is supported by confidence. I feel it’s a tragedy when a woman (or anyone else for that matter) doesn’t believe in themselves enough to take care of their health, appearance, etc. But more than that — as influential as “social pressures” may be — no one can get inside your head and tell you what you can do or be. Well, provided you don’t actively want to cause harm. There is that.

Anyway, the point I’m trying to make, is that in my mind, the minute I start putting limitations on what I can do based on anything about “me” in particular, is the second I begin dying by indecision. When one limitation slams a door shut, what’s to stop other doors from closing? What’s to halt me from closing doors I’ve already opened?

Limitations suck. And, like I said earlier, outside of health concerns? Age really doesn’t matter — unless you let it. It may be harder in some cases, sure, but if you want something bad enough, you will find a way.

Mood: WAKKA WAKKA

Caffeinated Beverages Consumed: A natural boost? Who am I kidding… I need coffee. Needsit.

Work-Out Minutes Logged Yesterday: Effing housework.

In My Ears: “Bad Blood” by Ministry

Game Last Played: Sonic and All-Stars Racing Transformed

Movie Last Viewed: Django Unchained

Latest Artistic Project: SHINIES. Still need to take pics…

Latest Release: “The Button” We Are Dust anthology

Using Need to Combat Waiting

It is bitter cold here; the snow falls gently but steadily. There’s been no sun. The sky is grey. And though it started out mild — Winter has yet to fade from memory. I like Winter and its holidays — though I like to celebrate calmly and quietly, as opposed to getting worked up over the perfect placement of glitter or whether or not there are spots on the silverware, and I look forward to enjoying the days as the light stretches and it’s no longer dark by four p.m. Though, admittedly, I do prefer the stories of old, the idea that there’s a battle between light and dark and, just as one example, the chariot of the sun returns victorious for a time. I am definitely a seasonal creature.

Writing, however, can’t follow a seasonal pattern. It has to be year-round for me, for anyone who runs a business or hones the craft. If you wait for the perfect environment, you’ll be an eternal Virgin, sitting in a chair, wondering when your White Knight (or White Lady Knight) will show up and rescue you from the dream you’ve trapped yourself in.

Waiting, waiting, waiting — the true death knell for any creative. There’s always something to wait for, sure, but it’s a trap that can affect my/your ability to write. You wait for word before taking on anything new. You wait for a client’s payment to come through. You wait to see how the book’ll be received by reviewers, agents, fans. You wait for a big deal to come through because that’ll determine the next “x” months amount in your schedule.

But all that time spent waiting? Occurs simultaneously or in conjunction with other creative efforts. The media bills “comebacks” — that’s a marketing term — but in the mean time: the bills still come, meals still have to be made, and life still happens. It still happens, every day, regardless of what news comes down the pipe.

And so must the written word.

I’ve entered a few bad business arrangements and, after a while, I realized that those red flags forced me to question what I was working on and who I was spending my time with. That caused a different kind of waiting, the type that occurs when you enter into your own form of decision paralysis. I’ve worked with AMAZING people, mind you, and have been invisible on a number of projects, but I’ve also had some experiences, in particular where my work was supposed to be the focus, that fell through. It happens, you get over it, and you move on. But the bills still come, I still need to eat, and I still have to have a life, regardless of the ups and downs I encounter in my career.

Where I spend my creative time is as important as who I work with. However, the where’s and how’s and when’s are all fine well and good — but the words still have to flow in spite of everything else that’s going on. And, what I’m realizing, is that emotions can affect creativity moreso than stalled news. When I feel anxious or stressed, I need to either channel that emotion into my work, or write through that either in journal entries or blog posts that get deleted, so I have a blank slate. Tabula rasa. When I’m experiencing bad emotions, I need to write MORE, not less. And that’s how I move forward.

Even outside of personal news or baggage, there’s a lot to get pissy about. Gun control. Gerrymandering. Gay rights. Cohabitation rights. Women’s rights. War. Climate change. Artist’s rights and payment. Nerd rage (or lack thereof). Misogyny. Etc. Etc. Etc. But, like getting addicted to television or games, spending hours upon hours consuming media instead of creating it, these are “junk food” emotions that you don’t really feel, because it’s not really happening to you, but the media is geared to make you feel that way so you respond by commenting or clicking through or paying attention. You feel like you’re personally affected, like your buttons are all being pushed at the same time, because the reporters have a job to do, and that’s to GRAB YOUR ATTENTION ZOMG RIGHT NOW YOU HAVE TO PAY ATTENTION TO MEEEEEEEEEEE!

They’re trying to get readers, much like you or I might, and they have. It’s infuriating, but these sensationalist tactics work right now. (I hold to my prediction they won’t always work and this, too, shall pass eventually.) Contemporary journalists have created a need. Even though you don’t “need” to know, you really do. They have done a tremendous job, and it affects anyone who’s online even a fraction of the time.

I feel there’s a lesson to be learned here. That this “need to know” can translate to a “need to write.” I don’t care how many words I write in a day anymore as long as I’m writing them. I have to balance the projects I’m working on and have made smarter decisions about which projects I choose — but I need to write. I have to write.

It begins with free-writing out my emotional kerfluffles, all of it, shamelessly and guilt-free, on a fresh piece of paper. (A tip I picked up from The Artist’s Way.) I do this to discharge everything that’s in my head and heart, so I can valiantly approach my stories and game narratives with a clear perspective. I replace meditation (waiting) with writing (doing) and then I’ve written something before the real work begins. I do this, because all this shit builds up, all my reactions to the “need to know” that surrounds me, because this is how I respond to the sensationalists — I can’t “do” anything about what’s happening other than voting in my own state or participating in a community event in my own backyard. If I’m not “doing” — I’m “waiting.”

And that is the death to any creative.

Then, after I “do” for myself, I get to work — more doing. After work and meetings, I make the most out of my free time. I cook, I read, often for research or work, I design and create jewelry on my own or with my friends, I game, I work out, travel, and enjoy the full breadth of what the seasons have to offer me here. Obviously, more activities are planned around conventions and the warmer weather, but the point of this, is that I’m still doing.

So, to sum up?

STOP WAITING. START DOING.

Mood: The sun will come out… SOMEDAY.

Caffeinated Beverages Consumed: Had to kick brain cell-killing diet soda, so feeling sluggish.

Work-Out Minutes Logged Yesterday: Up and down and all around.

In My Ears: “You Don’t Dream In Cryo,” Avatar soundtrack. (Hey, don’t judge. The soundtrack is good.)

Game Last Played: Sonic and All-Stars Racing Transformed

Movie Last Viewed: Lorax

Latest Artistic Project: Holiday gifts. Man, I should mail those out…

Latest Release: “The Button” We Are Dust anthology

When You Can’t Get No Satisfaction

John Adamus wrote a post today about The Writer and Fairness, in which he mentions how a lot of writers aren’t content because they’re not treated fairly, and why that shouldn’t be an issue.

I agree for the most part but, in my experiences, the issue of being treated fairly is often made complicated whenever finances or marketing of oneself, others, or a product (e.g. books) is involved. Additionally, it is absolutely true that sexism, racism, and all those other -isms exist. Sometimes, an author gets slighted (or receives unjust praise) not because the work is (or is not of) superior quality, but because the publishing industry, self-published or not, is run by people. Not robots, not hamsters on a wheel, or cultists — but mercurial human beings with all manner of beliefs and personalities.

Though it will increase your chances, I do not believe your success solely relies on writing the best story possible. Success is not achievable unless you define what “success” means. I feel you absolutely need to determine its parameters in order to be truly happy, manage expectations, and achieve your goals. Not everyone wants the same things. Again, this is another reason why people get extraordinarily nutty on occasion — peer at your creative works through the eyes of anyone else, and you will see a distorted image. We do this (I’ve done it once or twice) because honest feedback is rare even in an internet age. Occasionally, we seek guidance to know we’re headed in the right direction, even when you’re the only person who understands where you’re going and how you’re going to get there.

When you hear something positive about the work you’re doing, it can be very encouraging. But when it’s not? Or when it’s fake or what have you? I think you know what happens when negativity hurts, because you’ve seen the result of that. You’ve seen “author bad behavior” where they go off on fans. You’ve heard about writers attacking other writers. This has happened before and it will happen again. Either way, positive or negative, those comments shouldn’t stop you from the act of creation. That, my readers, all circles back to you. This is where I feel the test of a truly contented artist lies: that you will go on, in spite of all the bullshit, because you are an artist, painter, sculptor, writer, etc. and you will not let anyone or anything get between you and your creative works.

Whenever I’m dealing with major dissatisfaction, I ask myself a few questions to hone in on the real problem. For smaller annoyances, I either rant or make a sarcastic comment or play a game or dive into a new project or whatever — and then I move forward as quickly as possible. Sometimes, I get stuck and I have to work through a tough decision about cutting personnel or severing ties with a publisher, etc. Other times, I require focus. e.g. Not be online. In the end, the work has to come first for me – which is where these queries come from.

1) What did I expect to get out of the situation in the first place? – If the answer is: I did this as a favor, took a lower rate, or let a lot of mistreatment go without saying anything, etc. etc. etc. Then, clearly, I should not expect to be treated well in return, because I did not put my own considerations first in a reasonable and healthy way. By taking too many shortcuts and one too many niceties, I’m basically sending out an unconscious message that I’m too accommodating or that I don’t care about myself or my work. Ergo: I’m supporting an illusion that I’m a doormat. Instead, the solution here is to remind myself of two things: one) I am self-employed and two) I have every right to take my career seriously. Because if I don’t — no one else will, either. That L’Oreal advertising phrase “I’m worth it!” from years back? Applies.

2) Is the company/person professional? – There are a lot of different types of authors out there. There are, also, a variety of publishers. Some run a business, full-time, and earn their income off what they do. Others? Well, you’ve seen market listings 4theluv. Some publishers don’t expect to make any money. Toss finances aside, for a second, and focus on the word “professional.” Size of publisher matters not. Volume and quality of publications matters not. People, on the other hand, are everything and it’s quite possible that no, they aren’t going to be professional. I’ve found that most don’t care where you’ve been or what direction you’re heading for; they deal with you as you are now according to their own objectives. Unprofessionalism explains a lot of industry-related treatment; while inexcusable from my perspective, even bullies get book deals. Knowing that, there’s really only one thing I have every right to be worried about: the words on my screen. Sometimes, though, certain comments and remarks are taken out of context and that can cause hurt feelings on both sides. Publishing is a people business. And people don’t always say or do the right thing. The majority of times, I believe mistakes are unintentional; sometimes, though, they are.

3) Has this sort of thing happened before? – In my experiences, problems can either be endemic or specific. When they are endemic, the answer is “YES!” But you don’t know that unless you talk to people or have loads of experience. When they’re specific, well, there’s still a bunch of factors that could have borked the situation. It’s fundamentally true that you will not get along with everyone; sometimes, you have to find the people that you DO get along with, but that requires social skills and/or copious amounts of alcohol. (I jest on that last. And not joking about the social skills.) This industry is pretty small and, if you’ve been around long enough, you’ll probably make a few friends, enemies, and (though I loathe to use this word) frenemies. You’ll hear rumors, conjecture, gossip. You’ll find opportunities, get recommendations, and exchange favors. And, eventually, you’ll start to navigate the industry the same way you do your day job (if you have one) or your social life. Having a support network, whether they’re in the industry or not, really helps ground me.

4) Am I happy with the quality of my work? My ability to produce words? Upcoming projects/contracts? Financial solubility? Where I’m at with my career? – These yes or no questions sum up the crux of any dissatisfaction issue for me. In order, right now, as if 1/21/2013: yes/yes/yes/no/no. Ah! So I’ve just confessed I’m happy with my work, but I’m not satisfied with my overall career.

This little reality check nails what I need to focus on and identifies the possible source — the real epicenter — of my distress. No room for “maybes.” If I say “maybe” for any one of those questions, I count that answer as a “no.” The more yes’s I have, the more content I usually am. Win win, I say. More words on the screen cures all ills.

Or, as they quip here in double digit freezing temperatures… Time for chocolate mint cookies.

Mood: cold

Caffeinated Beverages Consumed: Not enough

Work-Out Minutes Logged Yesterday: Blargh. Housework.

In My Ears: Nothing.

Game Last Played: Bears!

Movie Last Viewed: Lorax

Latest Artistic Project: Holiday gifts

Latest Release: “The Button” We Are Dust anthology

A Semi-Obligatory but Sort of Not Really Progress Update

2013 is off to a fantastic start! I’ve delivered a little over 10,000 words of fiction so far, submitted quite a few other pieces, and circulated a number of pitches plus I’m now diving head first into Kickstarter planning, new stories, scripts, and RPG-related material — and that’s just for my writing and editing plate. That Cortex Plus Hacker’s Guide Kickstarter I mentioned earlier? Funded in less than a week! Now onto the stretch goals! For John, we’re celebrating the upcoming release of his new game ROFL! which will be released through Cryptozoic and working on a few other sekrit projects.

I also just received my schedule for the GenCon Writer’s Symposium. I was invited to work with SFWA publicist Jaym Gates on the Business Track; I have not opted for any panels outside of that. I’ll post a final schedule later on. I also have two time slots in Author’s Alley where I’ll have my books and games to sign and I’ll be doing a reading with author Paul Genesse.

I was so excited about everything that’s been going on, I got a little lax with my social media embargo. I gotta tell you, it feels great to be in smack dab in the middle of a whirlwind and so much fun!

Mood: Boo-yah

Caffeinated Beverages Consumed: I WILL NOT CONFESS MY ADDITION.

Work-Out Minutes Logged Yesterday: A few, but it’s darn cold!

In My Ears: Amy’s Choice Doctor Who

Game Last Played: Bears!

Movie Last Viewed: Resident Evil: Apocalypse

Latest Artistic Project: Holiday gifts

Latest Release: “The Button” We Are Dust anthology

A Kickstarter for Cortex Plus With Yours Truly!

A-hem. I am part of a Kickstarter for a “hack” guide to Cortex Plus. My essay, titled “Roleplay Like You’re On TV” pares down the character concept into basic building blocks so you can play ANY television character from ANY genre and ANY show.

As of this moment, it’s already fifty percent funded — so join us! And please . . . grab those convention spots where one of us will GM a game IN PERSON for you!

The Cortex Plus Hacker’s Guide is a collection of articles and essays for use with either Cortex Plus Drama (as seen in the Smallville Roleplaying Game) or Cortex Plus Action (as seen in the Leverage Roleplaying Game.) In order to best take advantage of the guide, you’ll want to own either or both of these games, though many articles are neutral to whichever Cortex Plus game you favor. — SOURCE: Margaret Weis Productions: Cortex Plus Hacker’s Guide on Kickstarter.

On the Kickstarter page, you’ll find a video and details about the rewards. For more information, read about the Cortex Plus Kickstarter on FlamesRising.com.

An Anti-Climactic Resolution

Just a quick note! I’m taking a break from fluttery butter updates on Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr and blogging periphery for the rest of January. This’ll give me a chance to work on a few resolutions.

Anything work-related (e.g. release announcements and the like) will still be posted, though! More to come!

AND HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Mood: Determined

Caffeinated Beverages Consumed: WOOOOOOOOOOO!!

Work-Out Minutes Logged Yesterday: *coughs* I was hungover.

In My Ears: The Snowmen Doctor Who

Game Last Played: Tetris

Movie Last Viewed: Resident Evil: Apocalypse

Latest Artistic Project: Holiday gifts

Latest Release: “The Button” We Are Dust anthology

Intrinsic Versus Extrinsic Motivation

I suppose I could spend the next twenty minutes (or however long it takes to write this) to tell you about my 2012, but since many of my new releases (with the exception of Redwing’s Gambit) debuted later this year — instead I’m going to look ahead and show you an incentive program I’ve designed for myself in 2013. (WHICH IS GOING TO ROCK!)

I’m of the mind that how a writer treats their career is the same as how they’d view a brick-and-mortar day job. I hail from many positions/verticals mainly because I’ve absorbed as much as I possibly can to go into business for myself. At the same time, I’m a pragmatist who always looks at risks versus rewards, which have been reinforced over the years in my day job positions, but I’m not the type to do anything half-ass. I mentioned this earlier, but I don’t write for validation. Here’s the thing. Validation, pet projects, favors, etc. these are all intrinsic motivators. You write a story for a friend because it’s their birthday. You opt to submit a story to a fledgling outlet because you like the editor. You work on a project because you love the theme. That’s great, but those are secondary motivators for me.

Extrinsic motivators, in my mind, are the external or physical reasons why you write. You get paid. You see your books in Barnes and Noble. You have kids to feed. A husband to support. Etc. It’s the end result of your efforts, which can still be a reason why you write, but it’s not the emotional mojo jojo that is influencing your decision — it’s what you get out of it in a tangible, measurable way. (And that last phrase, what “you” get out of it, is a broad spectrum, indeed.)

So what works for me? Extrinsic motivators. I just built a bookshelf to house the published books I am proud to have worked on. These were projects I’m thrilled to be a part of and I’m excited about the finished product. The end result, for a few years anyway, was my modus operandi — but it was not a system that was built to last.

If you’ve read my blog, you know I’ve struggled with the idea of writing for myself on spec and eventually overcame it. You probably understand why. Well, this is the reason — there’s no extrinsic reward. Not right away, anyway. It’s all intrinsic for me, even if I have a polished manuscript to sell, until one day it isn’t. There it is. A published story. I’ve earned money (an important thing) on my words. Another book is sitting on my shelf. If I’m going to treat writing like a career, I have to earn a living, and I can’t do that by writing something that never sees the light of day. Them’s the brakes. No pressure, right?

I realized that if I need an extrinsic reward for my work, then I’m hurting myself by relying on the same type of reward all the time. By focusing on the same old, same old, I’m not marking my progress by what type of writing I’m doing but, rather, by what I publish or get paid for.

That’s dangerous crazy talk for me; this will make sense shortly. First, what a writer has done in their career, the end result, is how a lot of other people judge the value of that author. Oh, you’re not a “real” writer until… [book deal, movie deal, award, famous editor, type of publisher, etc. etc. etc.] This, to the working writer, is damaging because there are a number of factors beyond our control and, more importantly, don’t matter on a day-to-day basis. To write, I have to focus on what I’m doing now — not what has already happened or what’s going to occur. Also, in my mind? If I’m using the same common benchmarks that everyone else is, then I’m not enjoying the journey or the process, and I’m hurting myself by “measuring up” to somebody else. I’m ignoring what happens between “birth” (e.g. the nascent idea of a story) and “death” (e.g. when it’s published or when I get paid) of the story — but I’m the one who has to do the work.

What makes me unique, is my perspective, vision, and voice; every writer has to have some way to protect themselves (e.g. those intangible assets I just mentioned) and I’m no different. As my career grows, I need to rely on some form of extrinsic motivation to counteract the internal processes of creation, something that means a great deal to me. At first, I didn’t see this simple concept, but after a year of trial and error, I now understand why.

Eventually, I figured out that I lose motivation by inches when projects don’t succeed; my mood is horrendous if bad news piles up all at once. Why? Because if the extrinsic reward is either greatly delayed or nonexistent, then those motivators I’m counting on disappear fast. Books get canceled. The project leaders go bonkers. There’s a difference in creative opinion. I’m not writing-for-hire, I’m working for myself. I’m penning a long-term project that won’t see the light of day for a few years. Etc. Etc. Etc. To the public at large, a writer doesn’t seem to be “doing” anything if they can’t see the end result of their work. But this, simply, is not true.

Without anything to motivate myself in a tangible, measurable way, the act of creation withers and fades. Sometimes, no matter how hard you try, there isn’t an “end” in the publishing cycle. It’s just how it is. There is no “standard” cycle for book publishing because everyone writes at different speeds, deadlines aren’t the same, and no two writers are exactly alike. Not everybody’s a novelist. Not everybody can write multiple novels. Not everybody will be a best-seller, either.

Now, there are other extrinsic motivators that relate to the writing process. Tracking submissions, word counts, daily goals, etc. All of these count as measurable mini-goals that lend itself to the finished project or end goal (e.g. self-sustaining writer). What I needed to figure out, however, is what kind of extrinsic reward for personal career milestones will motivate me; these milestones are my benchmarks that tell me I’ve accomplished something. More importantly, they occur regardless of what I’m working on — whether that’s on spec or not.

In my case, my extrinsic motivator is a charm bracelet. Yep, I sucked it up and bought a sterling silver Pandora-style bracelet. Then, I rewarded myself for all of 2012 with one bead. This is my starting point. As 2013 progresses, I’ll reward myself after each milestone by adding a single bead to the bracelet. I’ve already picked a theme. The sea. (Primarily because I like skulls as a theme in jewelry and pirates were a creative way to go. Hoping to find a Cthulhu-one!) It may sound incredibly silly, but this bracelet is my extrinsic motivator; not only is it something I can wear now, it’s a piece I can add on to and have a memory to go with each component. And, it’s a constant reminder of the promise I made to myself. Every time I look at this bracelet, I know what I pledge to do this year.

This way, I have a tangible, measurable method of tracking whether or not I make good on that promise. This way, I have a series of small, extrinsic motivators that will happen regardless of what the end result might be.

And this way, I have a method of seeing the progress I’ve made. The more beads I add, the more satisfied I’ll be with my work.

Mood: Inspired

Caffeinated Beverages Consumed: Manageable.

Work-Out Minutes Logged Yesterday: There was cleaning to be done.

In My Ears: Clubbed to Death (Kurayamino Variation) The Matrix soundtrack

Game Last Played: Tetris

Movie Last Viewed: Resident Evil: Apocalypse

Latest Artistic Project: Holiday gifts

Latest Release: “The Button” We Are Dust anthology

Lovecraftian Podcast and Other Tales

A few weeks ago, I mentioned I had a new story available in the November issue of the Lovecraft Zine. Last week, Mike uploaded the free podcast version of the issue which is available here. I thought the readers did a smashing job and really add great characterization to these sordid tales.

Speaking of sordid, I’m finishing up another Lovecraftian tale — this one set in Europe at the turn of the century. The other day, I was just remarking on all the everyday things we take for granted that they didn’t have back then. Airplanes were just beginning to emerge, cell phones and television sets were nonexistent, along with many other household appliances and technology. Even beyond that, consider the food and the way people dressed. It was unheard of for a woman to walk down the street in a tank top and sweatpants. All these things, coupled with superstitions and a rapidly-changing world, make for an interesting time period.

Once that story is done, then that’ll complete the unholy (though, unrelated) trilogy of tales, the second being the newly released “The Button” from the We Are Dust anthology — which is now available on Amazon, too.

Writing Lovecraft-inspired stories is a lot of fun; I feel like there’s always some new corner of his ‘verse and style to explore — whether that’s a direct translation or not. Perhaps that’s why I really loved Boom! Studios comic interpretation of Cthulhu, because the visual form (coupled with the necessary word conversation required) really lent itself to a stunning interpretation in the Fall of Cthulhu and Cthulhu Tales series.

Mood: GO PACK GO!

Caffeinated Beverages Consumed: Suffering from withdrawal. (Not pretty.)

Work-Out Minutes Logged Yesterday: Gym

In My Ears: Steam Peter Gabriel

Game Last Played: Tetris

Movie Last Viewed: The Red Baron

Latest Artistic Project: Holiday gifts

Latest Release: “The Button” We Are Dust anthology