Barbara Hambly's Blog, page 44
March 30, 2011
Toaster Shows
In any case, here it is:
TOASTER SHOWS
I think it was fellow-author Mel Gilden who invited me along to a cattle-call at the North Hollywood studios of DIC Animation – I know DIC stood for something besides “Do It Cheaper,” but I never heard what that was. There must have been twenty or twenty-five midlist science fiction writers in this little conference room, including Mel, Arthur Byron Cover (at that time co-owner of the Dangerous Visions science fiction bookstore), I believe Don Glut of monsters-n-dinosaurs fame, and a number of others who I simply don’t recall at this distance.
DIC was famed as the producers of He Man and the Masters of the Universe. Mattel Toys had come up with a new line of toys and a new, grand vision of merchandising: invent a WORLD, with multiple toys; have forty-eight half-hour cartoon episodes made of the world and its story (animation done in South Korea, I believe – which led to some interesting misunderstandings about script directions, further down the line); kids watch the show and go into a FRENZY begging their parents to buy ALL the vehicles for the team of heroes and the group of villains, all of which have different powers and capabilities. It was sort of like Barbie for boys, on steroids. (Mattel had early gotten onto the strategy of “create a world, then sell it a piece at a time…”).
They needed people who “understood that sci-fi stuff” to write the episodes.
The story editors explained. There are these giant metal vines, you see, that grow between planets. Not only between planets, but when they’ve choked out and strip-mined a single solar system, they grow on through interstellar space to fasten onto the next solar-system, and the next, choking whole galaxies. Furthermore, these vile metal vines put out metal flowers. When each flower opens, there within it is an evil metal brain, which grows around itself a metal vehicle. These vehicles stream along the vines like trails of giant, invincible ants…
Only our rag-tag band of intrepid heroes, armed with THEIR vehicles, can stop them…
One writer – I don’t remember who, but it might have been Michael Reaves – stood up and pointed out to the editors that a) planets turn on their axes b) planets orbit their parent stars c) all the stars and galaxies in the universe are in motion away from each other and therefore d) YOU CANNOT HAVE GIANT VINES GROWING BETWEEN PLANETS.
The editor (who used to story-edit the original, Lorne Greene version of Battlestar Galactica, I was later told) sighed, and said, “We have explained this to Mattel. We have explained this to the producer of the show. We have explained this to DIC. Now write the script.”
Mel Gilden got up and left in disgust at this version of celestial mechanics. (He later wrote for another DIC show called MASK Force, an episode which involved giant green caterpillars as big as school-busses, and considering the violation of the square-cube law THAT entailed I thought he didn’t have any business getting sniffy about giant metal vines).
Another writer got up and left in disgust at the information that these opuses (opi?) would fetch only a thousand bucks a pop, not worth the time of someone who can put in the same amount of work for a lot more rent writing live TV.
Since the rag-tag band of intrepid heroes bore a startling resemblence to the cast of Star Wars (idealistic young kid, devil-may-care rogue, girl warrior, cute robot…) and the brains-in-vehicles bore a more-than-passing similarity to those other brains-in-vehicles, the Daleks… Well, from the little dabbling I’d done in fan fiction, I knew I could write Star Wars dialog and I knew I could write Daleks… and I certainly had no problem with a thousand dollars for a week’s work or violations of the laws of physics.
Thus I entered into the Wonderful World of Saturday Morning Cartoons.
Michael Reaves (the hilariously funny writer and Emmy-winning story-editor of the animated Batman series) was at that time writing for He-Man, and read over a spec script I did for that show (which I think was bought, but not produced). There were all sorts of taboos that one was not permitted to violate because “children might be moved to emulate,” i.e. I was told not to depict He-Man uprooting an oak-tree (children might be moved to emulate…). His comments on my having H-M stow unused fireballs in his loincloth were pretty funny, too (Hey, it’s the only thing the Big Guy wears and it doesn’t have pockets!). Michael was also very good about bits of information like, “don’t have more than four people in a scene at once because it’s hard to animate” and “don’t have anybody caught with a net for the same reason.”
I ended up writing three episodes of Jayce and the Wheeled Warriors (i.e. The Giant Vines), three episodes of MASK Force (none of which violated the square-cube law, Mel…), an episode of She-Ra, Princess of Power, and a couple of others. We called them "toaster shows" because they were robotic vehicles that transformed into other robotic vehicles. By that time the market was getting very crowded, and the Bureau of Standards and Practices was starting to micro-manage what was and wasn’t “good” for children to see. S-f shoot-em-ups were supplanted by softer shows like My Little Pony and the much-mocked Little Clowns of Happy Town, which I gather (I never saw it, so do not speak of my own knowledge) was so politicaly correct as to have very little in the way of either plot or characterization.
Michael had this jawdropping house balanced on an inaccessible cliff in the spine of hills that divides the western portion of LA from the Valley. It was all decks and stairways and views and glass and fluffy white carpeting, and he had parties there at which I made friends with whom I’m still friends (involving LONG drives back to the Condo-Cave in Ontario…)
I remember a bunch of cartoon-writers standing around the kitchen at one of them, and Michael saying thoughtfully, “You know, if a meteor were to strike this house the IQ of American children would go up about 25 points.”
March 29, 2011
Up and Running
I am informed that all 17 of the Open Road backlist are available! I would be bouncing with excitement if I were less tired. I am, however, delighted.
Ran Away - Ben January # 11 - was finished and sent in Sunday night. I am deeply pleased with it. For years I've wanted to write a story about Ben and Ayasha in Paris in the 1820s - which is what the first third of Ran Away is... as, for years, I've wanted to do my take on the Turk-who-murdered-his-concubines tale that I ran across in half a dozen "spooky stories of old New Orleans" books. The fact that Ayasha was from North Africa provided a link that I couldn't pass up.
And, finishing the novel has finally freed up a little time to get back to blogging properly, something that simply wasn't possible when I was thrashing on a deadline that close. (I actually went three weeks over onto an extension: the UK companies are MUCH tighter about that kind of thing that the American).
My fingers would be crossed if I weren't already starting on Asher & Ysidro #4.
For those in Southern California: I'll be doing a panel at the Orange County literary conference, The Literary Orange, on April 9.
March 27, 2011
Sleaze and bbq!
This after mountains of sleazy paperbacks with titles like Viet Cong Torture Camp and Anatomy of a Neighbor (with chesty babes in their underwear on the cover - who knew?). Even glimpsed some of the teen-age hot-rod cautionary tales my sister and I used to read in Jr. High (as Middle School was called back then...)
I WILL finish Ben January #11 this afternoon (I believe the title is going to be simply, Ran Away , after the slug-line that starts numerous absconded-slave ads in the New Orleans newspaper over the years). And do lots of laundry.
And maybe even get to play Tomb Raider tonight.
March 22, 2011
Dang!
And the elderly but reliable microwave given to me by my niece in the summer has now given up the ghost, so Thursday i get to go microwave shopping when I should be cutting words out of the manuscript.
March 18, 2011
Publicity
Yet, I feel very shy about it; my old feeling of, "It's only me." All morning in an interview, all sorts of questions (and of course I talked too much). About pets, about writing, about karate, about dance, about art. They filmed me laying out a Tarot reading - the worst cards I've ever gotten in a reading, which makes me a bit apprehensive. (The Falling Tower in future position: Thanks a lot!) I did myself up in three different costumes - pirate suit, generic wench, and the Silk Road bellydance gear. I changed back into Real World drag and we went to Venice Beach at almost sunset, briskly chilly but lovely.
The cats remained hidden God only knows where.
As soon as I get copies of these pix they'll go up on my Facebook page, also on my website (Hey, the POINT of taking them was to plaster them all over the Net). (Yes, Mom, I'll get copies for you...)
Ten chapters yet to re-write on Dark Souls/The Lustful Turk/??? (My mental working title for the book is The Lustful Turk - which was in fact the title of a piece of Victorian pornography... Hey, the book concerns a Turk accused of the murder of his two concubines, what else would I call it?).
WAY bedtime!
March 17, 2011
Open Road Filming
I will let everyone know as soon as I know, where they can see this epic. (I know my mother will not rest easy until she sees this...) Tomorrow is all-day filming of an interview. All this coupled with pictures in the digitized books themselves - kid-pictures, scans of dorky poems I wrote as a teen-ager, bits of my past; Open Road takes a very interactive approach to reading and literature (so, among other things, I will be working really hard on building a more comprehensive web presence... AS SOON AS I GET THE DANGED MANUSCRIPT IN!
And, drat it, I just learned that I really DO need to change the title of Dark Souls (which I have NEVER liked - the title, that is, I love the book), because evidently there's a videogame of that title coming out real soon.
Now the cats are creeping out of hiding, cautiously sniffing around the piles of light-stands and tripods in the corners of the living-room. It's time to watch a little TV, and go quietly to bed.
March 16, 2011
Croggled and bemused
On the way across campus yesterday, I passed a young gentleman who was wearing jeans of the "only my manhood keeps these up" flavor - with the waistband well below his cheeks - and about nine inches of plaid boxers visible to all the world as he leaned upon a railing. And smack across his right buttock, inserted into the plaid fabric of the boxers, was a pocket. An actual set-in factory-installed pocket, not a patch pocket, which means that an entire company realizes that the low-slung look makes it impossible for gentlemen to get at the ass-pockets of their jeans (and in fact, that anything placed in said ass-pockets would have the effect of lowering the flag still further).
Pockets in boxers because the half-mast style has made the pockets in jeans unusable.
The world is full of wonderful things.
March 11, 2011
How much things costed
Liza Picard has written what amounts to a history of London in 4 volumes (so far): Elizabeth's London, Restoration London, Dr. Johnson's London, and Victorian London. I've been long familiar with the Restoration one, and was delighted to find the other three. They are EXACTLY the information I need: What DID you pay a footman? How much was your rent for a two-room dwelling? Where were the fashionable neighborhoods? What part of town did kept women live in?
WONDERFUL stuff!
Now if I only had time to do ANYTHING besides slog away on finishing Dark Souls, Ben January #11, before deadline...
March 8, 2011
kibble...
Little wretches.
March 5, 2011
Hanging in
But, due to budget cuts, classes are HUGE, which means grading 110 exams (working around the deadline) - and, it seems, everyone wants to interview me. (Boy, that sounds conceited, but it's true. For some reason even the school newspaper has decided now is the time to do so).
The nice folks at Open Road Media tell me that my first couple of books should be out within a few weeks - Whoo-hoo! They didn't say what they were, but the interview questions I received concentrate on Dragonsbane and Those Who Hunt the Night, so I'm guessing it's those. As I've mentioned before, they're sending a video crew here to film an interview (and film me playing World of Warcraft, of all things - I guess that's considered cool, or at least something not all 60-year-old college professors do), so along with everything else it means I have to clean up the study and one corner of the living room so the world will not see the squalor in which I live. (Frame those shots in tight, guys).
Once the book gets turned in (April 1) I should get a bit of a break. (Except for mid-terms...)
