Lori Stevic-Rust's Blog, page 3

Walk In the Shoes of Another and Watch Extreme Views Soften

Senator Portman has changed his views on gay marriages. While in congress, the conservative republican senator from Ohio voted for a bill prohibiting gay couples in Washington from adopting children. He voted for the Defense of Marriage Act and supported the constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage.

Then the personal reveal happened. His son shared with him that he is gay and suddenly the strong views and beliefs softened and his political position changed. He announced publicly that he is now in favor of gay marriage.

After the announcement, some have lashed out and listed him in the ranks of famous “political flip-floppers”, some are suspicious of his political motivation and timing of his change in views and still others are singing his praises for this “brave” public change of heart.

I tend to lean in the direction of believing that the easy path is to maintain strong beliefs and opinion that are unwavering. To stand on a platform of absolutes and to hold firm to black and white thinking of what is right and wrong not only for ourselves but for other as well. A much more complex and difficult path is the one that makes us look at the world through the eyes of another. To walk in somebody else’s shoes which forces us to challenge our biases and preconceived beliefs and it opens us up to the possibility that we can never really know the right path for another.

It is certainly easier to think like Mr. Gingrich who was quoted as saying, “I think when you have somebody in your immediate family who comes in, you have three choices: You can say, ‘I believe my principles so much, I’m kicking you out.’ You can say, ‘I still believe in my principles, but I love you.’ Or you can say, ‘Gee, I love you so much I’m changing my principles,’” Gingrich said. Perhaps Mr. Gingrich missed the point. It doesn’t have to be about changing our principles but rather about dictating those principles for others.

It is clearly easier to judge others and stand on a platform and proclaim to know the absolute truth not only for yourself but for others as well. Then when we are confronted with an opportunity to walk in the shoes of another, it suddenly seems more complicated. However, walking in the shoes of another is not a simple task. It requires us to actively listen. That is, to mute our loud filtering voice, the one that is already making assumptions and conclusions before we even enter into the conversation. It requires the ability to truly step into what is being said and hear the words and listen to the meaning while consciously monitoring our voice of bias and judgment. It is only then that we are truly able to walk in the shoes of another and understand the world through their perspective.

To quote Thoreau: “Could a greater miracle take place than for us to look through each other’s eyes for an instant?” This is a strong reminder for all of us but particularly for individuals who have been granted the authority to make decisions for others.

Vitamin G: The health benefits of green space

 

                      We all know how good it feels to be outside in fresh air but are there actual measurable health benefits we can achieve from our environment. Scientists all around the world have begun to study the physical, emotional and spiritual benefits to what is now being called “vitamin G” or green exercise.  This refers to exercising in the environment by taking short walks, gardening, running or engaging in more extensive cardiovascular workouts outside. Many people already embrace the importance of protecting our environment and the value of exercise, it is only recent that we have begun to appreciate and understand the benefit of combining the two.

Most of us accept the fact that daily exercise is important, but what difference does it make where we exercise? First, scientists have proven that the air indoors is two times more polluted than the air outdoors. Second, exercising indoors often exposes individuals to many distractions (e.g., laundry, email, dishes, treadmill covered with clothes, etc) which tends to undermine motivation and commitment to an exercise plan. Studies have found that when we are outdoors our minds are more relaxed and our bodies tend to breathe more efficiently. Nature brings about a certain peaceful atmosphere that makes exercising a pleasant and desired experience with minimal distractions. Moreover, the benefits tend to be realized fairly quickly within the first several minutes.

Research/Benefits of Vitamin “G”–

1. Exercise Enhancement: Recent research has shown that exercising outdoors is associated with more efficient oxygen consumption allowing for better endurance training for athletes or simply improving exercise efficiencies. Studies have also revealed better endurance and stamina while exercising on a treadmill outside compared with those who exercised indoors.

British researchers from the University of Essex reviewed research from 10 prior studies involving 1,252 people and they concluded that even short periods of green exercise, ­as little as five minutes, were enough to make a positive difference on physical energy and mental well-being.  In addition, motivation and commitment to an exercise plan was significantly greater for those who exercise in green space compared to those who exercised indoors.

2. Stress Management:  In a Japanese study published earlier this year in the journal Public Health found scientific evidence of the mental and physical effects of activities performed in green space. The study found measurable benefits to the nervous system with notable reduced levels of the stress hormone cortisol in the saliva of subjects when they performed activities in green space compared to the indoors.

Simply bringing nature into view or inside can also have a significant effect. In a study measuring psychophysiological stress through electromyography (EMG), electroencephalography (EEG), blood volume pulse (BVP), and state anxiety indicators, those who had a view of the outdoors from their office window were less physiologically stressed than those without a window. Similarly, research conducted in a hospital setting revealed that patients who had a view of the outdoors or had plants in their hospital rooms tended to recover faster and experienced less pain compared to those with no plant material or window.

3. Improved Mental Health: Exercise in general is beneficial to mental health. It decreases stress hormones and increases endorphins, which are the “feel good” chemicals naturally occurring in the brain.  Moreover, exercise releases tension and physical stress in the body and sustains cardiovascular health.  Serotonin, a neurotransmitter chemical in the brain thought to contribute to depression and anxiety symptoms when deficient, is also positively affected by exercise. Many individuals who exercise regularly report significant reduction in depressive symptoms.  Recent research has shown that these mental health benefits are significantly enhanced when exercise occurs in green space.

The added benefit to exercising near water is significant with greater levels of relaxation; meditation and enhanced self-esteem have been reported. Further, being in green space exposes individuals to sunshine which has long been known improve mood by affecting the chemistry of the brain. Growing evidence from researchers in the United States, Scandinavia and Britain has shown that engaging in physical activities in green space reduces stress, improves depression, manages anger and contributes to an overall sense of well-being.

4 Cognitive Enhancements: Access to green areas appears to increase sensory and motor skills in both adults and children. Prolong exposure also has been shown to reduce the symptoms of attention deficit disorders.

During the course of a normal day we are bombarded with multiple distractors and stimulants that our mind has to forcibly push from awareness. In nature, the inhibitory centers of the brain do not have to work as hard to push out distractors rather the mind can take in the ever changing stimuli in nature that creates harmony and relaxation in the mind.

How can we begin to increase our Vitamin G?

Winter in northeast Ohio presents many challenges to beginning or sustaining green exercise. However, take opportunities to walk outside even for 5 to 10 minutes particularly when the sun is shining, try to perform your indoor exercises near a window to view the outdoors and incorporate live plant materials into your work out space
Adopt green prescriptions for your company or yourself by “prescribing” time outdoors, brining nature into the building, etc. Remember, a more emotionally stable and physically healthier individual/employee costs the company less in healthcare costs, poor productivity and lost time from work.
Pay attention to the design of buildings and homes to allow maximum views and indoor gardens—even the simply addition of plant materials can yield big benefits.
Purchase a memberships to a wildlife organizations—set a schedule to visit
Develop healthy walking paths at home or the office. Many hospitals and organizations have begun to commission such paths. For example, Lake Health has developed indoor nature areas in the hospital and is in the process of developing an expansive outdoor walking path for their employees, patients, visitors and the community.
THINK GREEN AND STAY HEALTHY

Greedy for Life: A Memoir on Aging with Gratitude

Turning 50 with the Lessons from 100 year old Nana

I just turned 50. I guess the first step to acceptance is admitting it. My turning 50 years old coincided with my grandmother turning 100 years old. And as with most old people, I began to reminisce about my life and the many lessons that my grandmother has given me. Then a friend encouraged me to put those stories to print and write a memoir. At first I thought she was joking, and then I thought she might be drunk but then I realized she was serious.

You know that internal voice that creates doubt and insecurity particularly for women, the one that reminds us that we don’t really have anything important to say, we are not that accomplished and who really would care about our life stories. Yep, that one, well it was screaming in my ear and with equal volume my grandmother’s voice was yelling back that when we share our life stories we become connected to each other. We become the inspiration for each other. Be brave and put it out there.

I pushed on and began to write about the many lessons that I learned from my grandmother like the importance of absorbing and treasuring moments in life, to be grateful for our mistakes and flops as they often teach us more than our successes, to always share more, do more and love more—to be greedy for life. I was encouraged to write the stories as if nobody would read them. So, I did. But then came the moment of truth when it was time to release the book and actually allow others to read about my life. I convinced myself that I was ready until I woke up one night in a cold sweat realizing that my father and my neighbors would now have information about my sex life. What was I thinking? I guess this is what it means to feel fully exposed.

I’ve heard that women in their 50s tend to be more confident and less concerned about what others think of them. As a new inductee into the 50 plus club, I hope those wise woman are right. My grandmother says that our purpose is often revealed during our most vulnerable times. I guess my purpose is soon to be revealed. In the meantime, I raise my glass and accept my initiation into the group of wise, confident woman in their fifties.

I will share with you that my birthday wish for myself is that despite the fear of looking ahead and anticipating what is to come as a fifty-year-old woman. That I hold tight to my grandmother’s voice and remain greedy for all that life offers. I wish that I live each day truly knowing that the moment I am standing in is all I know for sure. I want to greet each moment knowing this could be that moment that makes it to my next memoir—the one that stands out as an extraordinary gift, which I will savor and tuck away to be used later when painful losses and disappointments wash over me.

I wish that I would always feel younger on the inside then I look on the outside. And I wish that I would always look younger on the outside than my birth certificate says I am. I’m just saying…I hope I keep my grandmother’s spirit of integrity and her gift of forgiving. That I always, always remember how to laugh and I maintain a sense of adventure and joy in living, even when things get hard. And above all I pray that I never lose her voice. That raspy, rough, screechy voice guides me when I am lost, points me in the direction of doing good, that I remember to swallow my pride and forgive, and that I remember that a life without gratitude is an empty one.

http://www.amazon.com/Greedy-Life-Memoir-Gratitude-ebook/dp/B00BBFQ3KE/ref=dp_kinw_strp_1

Greedy for Life

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/lori-st...

Tragic shootings: Do you feel helpless?

Twenty innocent little children gunned down as they sat in their classrooms and six brave adults killed as they tried to save them. Twelve killed and fifty six wounded in Aurora Colorado when a gunman opened fire on a crowd of people who were simply watching a movie. During the Virginia Tech school massacre, thirty two were killed and seventeen were wounded. In my own community, three students were killed and one seriously wounded when a fellow high school student opened fire at Chardon High School. How do we make sense of it all?

When catastrophic tragedies strike and then strike again, a feeling of helplessness can settle deep inside all of us. We try to manage the feeling in a variety of ways.

First, we search for a motive—a rational explanation for why and how somebody could do such a thing? Were the gunmen mentally ill? Were they loners who had been victims of bullying or social isolation? What was the source of their anger and rage? No answers will be definitive nor will they satisfy us.

Then we seek out solutions to fix the problem through debates over sensible gun control, better mental health care and improved security measures. But in the end none of it really lifts the heavy weight of our own fears and the sense that we have lost control.

So what can we do with this feeling of helplessness? Survivors of tragedies often report that the kindness and support of strangers helped get them through the most painful days and weeks that followed. They also found that when they reached out to help other victims they were better able to cope with their own pain.

Performing #26 acts of random kindness that was inspired by Ann Curry may be the beginning of gaining control and restoring our faith in humanity. One kind gesture can create a ripple effect and inspire others to do the same. In fact, the human brain and nervous system is wired for cooperation and kindness. It is necessary for our basic survival. This explains in part why we tend to feel anxious and stressed when we don’t show compassion, kindness or gratitude. Acts of kindness may be just the medicine that we all need during this painful time.

The holidays are here: Don’t stress just savor the moments

Holiday Stress Management Tips

The holidays are here again. In preparation for writing these holiday stress management tips, I consulted with my 100-year-old grandmother who reminded me that Christmas celebrations used to begin only a few weeks before Christmas. The preparations involved baking and cooking with family and neighbors and making arrangements for the meals. It was a time for reminiscing and visiting with old friends and extended families, it was filled with traditions. The focus was on food and not gifts.

In my mother’s generation, the festivities began a week or so after Thanksgiving with a blend of cooking and shopping. Today, we can often begin to see the first signs of Christmas decorations and preparations beginning sometime after the Fourth of July. Ok, maybe not quite that early but just let the air chill down and thoughts of sugar plums and Santa begin for many retailers. Now, I must admit that I am a bit of a Christmas enthusiast and have genetically passed this on to my children. So I have no real objections to the early preparation for the holidays but I do acknowledge that prolonging the holiday can inflate our expectations, increase our sadness and worry and for many create months of stress.

To survive and even enjoy the holidays here are a few thoughts:

THROW PERFECTION OUT THE WINDOW: If you expect perfection, this is what will probably happen—-The turkey will be dry, the extended family will fight (even if only in a passive aggressive manner), some or most of the gifts will need to be returned (you will have failed), the holiday cards may not make it to the mail until February (then they can be a valentine greeting) and the fears over money will keep you awake at night. Try lowering your expectations of yourself and others. Examine what is realistic. If you anticipate your mother in law will comment on the dry turkey, prepare yourself and laugh inside (inside only) at how predictable she can be and how smart you were to know the comment was coming. Look around and find the moments that feel perfect for you. Perhaps, Uncle Joe’s face when he bites into your famous apple pie or the smiles of those enjoying each other’s company. Perfection exists only in moments. Find yours this holiday season and savor it.

EXAMINE WHAT YOU NEED AND WANT FROM THE HOLIDAYS: When you hear that the holidays are fast approaching, do you find yourself taking a deep breath, your thoughts turn to dread and your body becomes filled with tension? If yes, then it is time to examine what you enjoy from the holidays. I am quite certain that as a child most of you did not cross days off the calendar because you were dreading what was approaching. Examine your memories and ask yourself what part of the holidays is most meaningful to you. Is it finding the right gift for somebody? Is it enjoying the twinkling lights near a cozy fire in your home? Is it the opportunity to spend time with friends and family? Find it and focus on it! Dismiss the activities and thoughts that start with I SHOULD and do the things that start with I WANT… If you are thinking I should wrap gifts but I want to bake cookies. BAKE THE COOKIES!!

STAY ORGANIZED AND SIMPLIFY: Realistically, there are often many things to do to prepare and enjoy the holidays. This is a time more than any that it is important to be organized and simplify your tasks. Make a list. However, if there are more than 5 items on the list throw it away and start a new—more realistic list. A smaller list is more likely to focus on the absolute most important things to accomplish and is more likely to be completed. A longer list usually reflects our perfection needs, our ongoing internal monologue of things we need to do and the belief that a long list reflects how important and busy we are. Find short cuts to shopping, cooking, and baking and entertaining—it’s easy. The difficulty is in giving yourself permission to use them. Remember that the best gift you may be able to give this year, to yourself and others, is time. It will be easier to use the shortcuts if you remember that the reward is extra time that you can use to make yourself and others happy.

EMBRACE TRADITIONS: When you reflect on your memories from the past, many of them may involve family traditions. Traditions keep us anchored to our past; they give us a sense of connection, of uniqueness and of belonging. The holidays are often a time of reflection. For some it brings happy memories and for some it creates feelings of sadness and grief. However, many have shared with me that whether they rely on traditions from the past or have developed their own traditions, having them makes the holidays feel balanced. Traditions that are our own helps us stay grounded and focused on what matters. In our home, we hold to a family tradition on Christmas Eve where we eat only fish and white spaghetti and we break and share bread that has been blessed. As a child, a hated the meal (seven different kinds of fish—yuck), but today I recognize the power of this meal as we now have 5 generations who share in this holiday tradition. We use it as an opportunity to reflect on those you are gone and share stories with the younger generations about their past.

You may have silly or spiritual routines surrounding your holidays. Embrace them, embellish them and pass them on to the generations. Many gifts will not be remembered and the content of the family fighting will often be forgotten, but the traditions and memories that you create will be remembered and cherished.

FIND FUN, MAKE FUN & HAVE FUN: The holidays should be approached as you would a vacation not a job. Time around the holidays should be embraced as you would a holiday. Making cookies on a Monday night and going to a movie on a Wednesday or stopping by to see a friend or family member on a Saturday afternoon. When we are on vacation we are flexible not as scheduled and we use our time for fun activities not things we “have to do” .Try approaching the holidays with this mind set. Remember that the holidays should not be limited to one or two days. This contributes to stress. Trying to decide whose house you will go to, who will be invited, who will be mad, and how will we find time for everyone adds to the feeling of stress. Use your calendar wisely. Christmas can be celebrated on December 26th or 27th—Santa is often flexible. Remember if the holidays are only about obligations, family battles, spending too much, eating too much and feeling stressed then you forgot how to have fun. If you need an incentive to have fun, please note that research has found that laughter really does reduce stress and protect our cardiovascular system. SCHEDULE THE FUN. MAKE IT A PRIORITY.

PHILANTHROPY: We all know about that “let down” feeling after the holidays. There is all the build up and excitement and then disappointment, regrets and bills become our new reality. However, those who made opportunities for giving to others during the holiday season report feeling less overwhelmed and disappointed by the holidays. True philanthropy is not about writing a check from your excess funds so you can have a tax write off. It is about giving of your time, your voice, your compassion and your resources. When we focusing our thoughts and actions on others, our mood tends to improve, we feel more hopeful and optimistic and less disappointed.

We are all moved by stories of need and inequities in our communities and our world and then we justify our lack of action. We remind ourselves that we don’t have time to volunteer or that we have so few resources of our own that we can’t afford to give to others. While much of that may be true, I would like to challenge each of you this holiday season to think about giving and how it may enrich your lives and the gift of a “tradition for giving” that you will give to your family.

Social Media and Healthcare

 

Do you have a headache, back pain, mole that has changed color or have a question about medication side effects? Looking for answers? Do you tweet, blog or post about it? Statistics say that the majority of you do.

Access to social media has changed the face of healthcare. It is expected that there will be a billion users on Facebook by the end of 2012 and currently there are 175 million registered users on twitter sending out approximately 95 million tweets per day. Social media sites provide a platform for the quick exchange of medical information and guidance on where to turn for healthcare support.

These sites are not only changing how consumers use the web to obtain health related information but is also changing the business side of healthcare.  Millions of people worldwide report using the internet to read about medical conditions and to seek healthcare support. In fact, 88% of caregivers reportedly use the internet to find answers to health questions, review hospital ratings and explore end of life issues.

One study found that while the majority of people search medical conditions and symptoms there are an increasing number of users looking online for drug and food safety information. There is also a growing trend of users searching for information on dementia, memory loss, and long-term care needs for the elderly. Further, many report using social media sites not only to gather information but also to share their own medical stories, rate doctors and facilities and connect with support groups.

However, the enthusiasm of using social media in healthcare is not without controversy. There continues to be some debate among consumers and healthcare providers as well as organizations on whether health information belongs on the web. While the cautionary tale of inaccurate medical information existing on many sites is a legitimate concern, the reality is that social media is here to stay. Therefore, it has been recommended by many healthcare organizations that more medical professionals and organizations need to be actively involved in social media to provide accurate medical information that is easy for consumers to access.

The aging of Baby boomers has accelerated the need to identify alternative ways to communicate healthcare information and to provide services. Research has clearly shown that this generation is looking for and quite frankly demanding shared dialog with healthcare providers. The generation of passive consumers who never questioned a physician or healthcare organization is gone. This generation wants information on complementary and holistic healthcare and is active when seeking and sharing support. The use of social media by consumers and organizations has unlimited potential in meeting the needs of this generation.

How Social Media Influences Medical Decisions for Consumers of Healthcare

The utility of social media is the opportunity for a quick, two way exchange of health related information. This allows consumers to become more educated prior to seeking medical care and thereby creating a more efficient first doctor’s visit. An educated patient also is more likely to seek out treatment when symptoms first arise. In addition, they are less likely to use the emergency room for minor conditions and typically do not have as many unnecessary medical test performed thereby reducing healthcare costs.

In one study, 40% of those polled reported that information obtained from a social media site would influence whether they would seek out a second opinion, decide on a doctor, and what approaches they would take to diet and nutrition. Many are also using social sites to connect with other who have similar chronic conditions to share ideas and strategies for coping.

 

The Business of Healthcare and Social Media

Many healthcare organizations are turning to various social media sites to market, advertise, share patient stories and overall connect with the patients they serve. For example, the Mayo Clinic has reportedly over 100,000 followers on twitter. The mission statement for their center for social media is to “lead the social media revolution in healthcare, contributing to health and well- being for people everywhere.” Non-profit healthcare organizations are using social media sites to advance their mission, encourage philanthropy, advertise new services and promote brand awareness.

Moreover, providers of healthcare are keenly aware that provisions in the Affordable Care Act will assess payments on outcomes-based measurements therefore strategies for collaborative care must be implemented. Social media can provide a venue for relationship building with healthcare providers (physicians, nurses, etc) and offer an easy mechanism for collaborating and strategic planning with other organizations to coordinate care and improve outcomes.

As a marketing tool, social media makes brand awareness and consumer loyalty easier to obtain. Success stories of patients, development of new procedures and upcoming events can all be shared on social media sites. The fact that these sites are in real time, easy to access and have large membership numbers makes them powerful marketing tools for healthcare organizations. Unfortunately, most have been slow and often reluctant to develop these tools. But it appears that consumers will continue to use these sites and ultimately will force the hand of healthcare. One of the predicted results will be a better educated patient who will force more transparency on issues of value, cost and outcomes by healthcare organizations. While initially this may be difficulty for the healthcare industry to adjust to the resulting net effect will be better performance for the organization and improved healthcare for the consumer. And that is something to tweet about.

School Shootings: How do Witnesses Cope?

 Desks, books, libraries, gymnasiums, lockers, friends, teachers and cafeterias are all images associated with high schools and universities. But when these images are replaced with scenes of violence, blood-shed, terror, guns and death how do students and teachers cope? What do they do with those images?

The killing of seven and wounding of others at a private Christian college in Oakland, California in April was the most recent in a long list of school shootings in the United States. In February, in my hometown, we observed first-hand the horror of a high school shooting when a student at Chardon High School opened fire in the cafeteria and killed three students and wounded two others.

The images and stories have become all too common. In April 2007, 33 people were shot on the campus of Virginia Tech University in Virginia. In 2006, a gunman killed five girls in an Amish school in Pennsylvania and a teenage school girl was killed in Colorado when a gunman opened fire. A student in Tennessee shot an assistant principal and a Minnesota schoolboy killed nine and then shot himself in school shooting in 2005. The columbine shootings led to the death of 12 students, a teacher and the two high school student shooters in 1999.

When the unthinkable, unimaginable, and unpredictable occurs, we are shaken to our core. Our sense of control and security fades and is replaced by feelings of vulnerability and fear. Witnessing, experiencing, and living through a traumatic event changes how we think, what we believe, and how we feel.

In the days, weeks, months, and years that follow a school shooting, we search for answers that can’t be found. We seek to understand the motivation of the shooter, question the security of the school and look for ways to feel less helpless as a community.

After the Chardon High School shooting, our community came to realize what those in Pennsylvania, Virginia, Tennessee, Minnesota, California and Colorado learned which is that as a community we will be forever changed by the tragedy. Initially, we focused on dealing with the acute grief as we mourned with the families, buried the children, emotionally cared for our own children and those who witnessed the shootings, and supported our teachers and administrators as they struggled to return to the school and guide and educate our children as before. However, as time has passed, the needs of those who witness the tragedy have become greater.

As a psychologist, media contributor, neighbor, parent, and friend in a community that has joined the painful list of cities where a school shooting has occurred, I am mindful that our emotional wounds are still so fresh. In turning to those victims from the Columbine and Virginia Tech shootings for guidance and wisdom on the coping process many years later, I am reminded that the emotional wounds and images remain forever but learning to live well with those wounds is the hope. Actively dealing with the trauma from the early phases is the best hope to achieve integration of the horrific images and thoughts to facilitate healing through the years that follow. To that end, I hope the following information will guide those who are dealing with the tragedy of school shootings through a lifelong journey of healing.

Traumatic  Events:

Both children and adults who have witnessed traumatic incidents may experience flashbacks in which images of the traumatic scene can be re-experienced through all of the senses as if it were actually occurring again. This can happen through nightmares or can be triggered in the day by a sound, a smell or a visual reminder of the incident. It is common to feel restless, unable to concentrate, preoccupied with thoughts accompanied by physical symptoms of anxiety and fear, such as headaches, nausea, trouble sleeping, loss of appetite, and fear of leaving the house.

Those who may not have actually witnessed the trauma of the shootings may still suffer with symptoms as they vicariously experience the trauma through hearing the stories of eyewitnesses. This may include our reporters who interviewed witnesses, the school administrators who may have viewed surveillance tapes of the incidence, our first responders on the scene (firefighters, EMT and police) and professional mental health providers who provide counseling. Most importantly, the parents of those children who were eyewitnesses to the shootings may experience significant symptoms as they listen to the recounting of the horror that was observed. Feelings of anxiety fear and vicarious images of the shootings coupled with feeling inadequate to help, can lead to symptoms of poor energy, sadness, impaired concentration, and interrupted sleep. These symptoms should be monitored and professional help obtained if they begin to interfere with normal daily functioning.  Further, it is critical that those who help others are mindful of seeking support as well. We will not be able to help our children or others if we do not take care of ourselves. This is a particularly important message for our teachers and school administrators who are in the unique position of protecting, supporting, and educating our children in the midst of the crisis that follows a school shooting.

 

Coping:  Practice patience.  It is our natural tendency to want to fix a problem or feel the need to distract those who are suffering by trying to encourage them to think about something else. Unfortunately, people who have witnessed  trauma either directly or vicariously, through hearing or imagining the scene need to be given the opportunity to “tell the story.”  They need to feel secure that those who are hearing what they have to say can “handle the information.” They may  need to describe it several times while including what they were thinking  and feeling. Listen. Advice is not what is needed but rather comfort and security in knowing that you can, in fact, handle the details.  Advice and guidance will have a role at a later time.
Actively  Listen. Listen to what your children are  actually telling you they are thinking about. We often think we know what  our kids are feeling. For example, it would be a natural thought that children would be afraid to return to the school building or for children  in other districts to fear that this could happen in their school. We may be right that these are the fears but they may also be dwelling on something that we did not anticipate. Ask and listen.
Helplessness. Nobody enjoys the feeling of helplessness. We all want to      feel that we have control over most things in our lives. However, when the      unpredictable occurs we are left feeling vulnerable, weak, and anxious. It is important in small ways to begin to focus on what IS in our control. We need to do this for ourselves and our  children. We need to help children see what we as parents and authority figures in the school are doing to keep them safe.


Come up for  air. While it is important that as a  community you talk about what happened and learn the details, we also need  to know that is healthy to take a break from the trauma and come up for air. Coping and grieving is a marathon and not a sprint. We need to reserve our energy and coping skills to carry us through the process. So, take a break from the news, try to have family conversations about other topics. In our community of Chardon, there are still signs, ribbons, balloons and messages of support and hope throughout the neighborhoods and surrounding cities.  These images provide support, encouragement and comfort. However, it is also sometimes necessary to escape the reminding images and give yourself permission to take an alternate route or to avoid the visual reminders during times when you need to “come up for air”. This holds true for the students as well. At some point, the cards, balloons, messages and memorials that served to comfort and support through the acute trauma may need to be replaced with normal images of school hallways without memorial reminders, unadorned lockers and school signage that promote events and accomplishments without memorial items of candles, bears and photos. The timing of this transition should involve active dialog between students, administrators and teachers. A permanent memorial may be considered as a place for reflection and comfort and can serve to replace the ongoing visual reminders throughout the school building; the school grounds and community which may inadvertently hinder the healing process.
Stay   Present: The bulk of the needed support will be in the months and years  that follow. When the funerals are over and the memorial services have ended and time passes, the shock will fade and  the true pain will settle into awareness. It is at this time that the  children, the parents, and friends will need ongoing and consistent support. The natural tendency for our brain is to block and filter  information during traumatic times. This is what we mean by shock. We may know the detail of what happened but our emotions are somewhat  disconnected from the story. This is what is happening when we hear people  say “it was like a dream,” and as they are talking about the horror you may not be seeing emotion. The shock phase is the brains desire to try to  slowly bring the emotion together with the actual event. It is protective  and necessary.  When it begins to  fade, a variety of emotions will begin to flood in and will come and go  over time, including anger, sadness, despair, and raw pain. Community and  professional support is often most needed at this time.

Social Isolation: A Health Threat

Surprisingly, studies show that 25% of Americans have no meaningful social support or person that they could confide in when emotionally or intellectually in need of support. Further, over half of all Americans report having no close confidants or friends outside their family.   Isolation has become increasingly more prevalent. Today we can communicate by tweeting, texting, posting, etc. We can function and even succeed without ever having to have face to face communication. However, there is a big price to pay for this level of social separation. 

Being alone or socially isolated can not only leave you feeling sad and distressed but it can also be dangerous to your health. Over the past 20 years there has been a consistent stream of research supporting the finding that social isolation is dangerous to your health. Many studies have shown that having strong support from family and friends can help to keep your blood pressure down and your heart functioning well. Specifically, it was found that when subjects were performing a stressful act or undergoing a painful procedure, they were able to keep their heart rate lower when they were accompanied by a friend or family member compared to a stranger.

Research has also shown that you are more likely to die after a heart attack if you live alone. It is clear that having somebody help support you after an illness with physical care (e.g., helping with meals, providing medications and assisting with other needs) is important but it is equally important to have somebody to confide in about your feelings. In one study, thirteen hundred patients were followed after a heart attack, only 50 percent of those who lived alone and were without a confidant were alive after five years as compared to 82 percent who lived with a friend or spouse.

Social support can be defined in tangible and measurable ways such as the number of friends or personal relationship you have. It can also be described in more subjective ways, such as the feeling of being connected to others. However social support is defined, there is substantial evidence that it has direct effects on psychological and physical well-being as well as indirect stress buffering effects.

Social support can mean different things to different people. For example, some people find support and comfort in one-on-one interactions while others enjoy the dynamics of a group experience. Regardless of what type of support is right for you the benefits of a good social support network includes the following:

Tend to be more productive and successful
Reduced risk factor for cardiac disease
Improved overall physical health
Better mental health and improved coping
Energy and motivation is improved when you feel supported by others
Less likely to feel lonely and depressed when connected to others

 

TECHNIQUES TO IMPROVE SOCIAL SUPPORT

1.      Simply being shy and busy is no reason to be isolated and lonely. Social networking has a tendency to conjure up the image of “working a room” and making small talk or aggressively “selling” yourself to strangers. This does not have to be the case. Networks come in all shapes and sizes. We can have close friends and large groups of social networking groups that we interface with through multiple media channels. We can have large groups of friends and a handful of social and professional contacts. One size does not fit all.

 

2.      Recognize what type of support is missing in your life. There are some people who are not comfortable with genuinely sharing feelings with others or openly discussing concerns in a group setting. However, support comes in all shapes and sizes. Emotional support will provide you with a confidant for support in emotional decisions or an outlet to vent concerns. On the other hand, instrumental support refers to assistance with tasks or tangible support with financial, medical or service needs.

 

3.      Identify individuals and groups who share similar interests as you. If you have a group of individuals who enjoy the same intellectual, social and physical activities, it can help to keep you engaged and motivated to pursue your interests. When a group of fellow readers, yoga enthusiasts or painters support and encourage you to participate you are more likely to keep balance in your life by not neglecting these interests.

4.      It is also important to expose yourself to diverse groups as well. We need to consistently challenge ourselves to be exposed to differing opinions, experiences and knowledge bases to allow us to stay balanced and grow. When the only opinions and ideas that we are open to are our own or those who share our opinions then we lose the opportunity to grow and achieve greater success.

  5.      Learn the fine art of assertiveness without becoming aggressive. People who at in an aggressive style demand and expect others to do exactly what they want. Those who act in a submissive style give up their own beliefs, opinions and wants for those of others. They feel guilty asking for what they want, as if others’ needs were more important than their own. Assertive people respect others views and feelings but also values and respect their own.

  6.      Time. In most of our daily routines we lack enough time to get the things accomplished that we need to do without the “burden” of reaching out to friends or family. However, it is the very nurturing of these relationships that may in fact be our best use of our time. Science consistently shows us that these relationships are the fuel for our creativity, our success and our physical and emotional well-being. Therefore, we need to see them as important elements on the to-do- list.

  7.      Be specific when asking for support. In times of crisis or distress, we often expect others to intuitively know what we need. It is important to ask specifically for what you need. Otherwise, you are destined to be disappointed when your real needs are not met. At times we need somebody to simply listen and offer emotional support, other times we may be looking for advice or guidance and still other times we may need tangible support in helping to accomplish a task. Know what you need and then ask for it.

8.      Stay connected. It is critical for your health and your success.

 

                                                                                                             

Caring for Senior Parents

Many of us have moved from the sandwich generation, a term used to describe middle aged adults who were providing assistance to their parents and still caring for children to a “triple decker” generation. It is not uncommon to hear of families who are perhaps providing assistance for their grandchildren, their adult children, their aging parents and sometimes even their grandparents.

As our senior population grows, rates of dementia tend to increase. Keep in mind that dementia is a broad term used to describe changes in thinking, reasoning, judgment and memory.  There are over a hundred different diseases and conditions that can cause dementia. The most prevalent is Alzheimer’s disease. An estimated 5.4 million Americans of all ages have been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease. This figure includes 5.2 million people aged 65 and older and 200,000 individuals under age 65 who have younger-onset Alzheimer’s disease. These figures mean that currently one in eight people over the age of 65 have Alzheimer’s disease and by 2050, may triple, from 5.2 million to a projected 11 to 16 million.

The emotional and financial burden for families can be significant.  More than two-thirds of people with Alzheimer’s disease are cared for at home by family and friends.  That translates into nearly 10 million caregivers in the US who report decline in their own health, increased use of healthcare services as well as personal financial burdens as they contribute out of pocket support for elder care. In addition, employers are beginning to look at estimates of $20-$ 30 billion in lost productivity a year due to elder care issues. Many large companies are beginning to look at implementing supportive elder care programs for their employees to reduce these costs.

An organized and coordinated elder care plan can serve to ease the emotional and financial turmoil.

Elder Care Plan:

1)      Early Evaluation and Diagnosis: Often families will ignore or explain away early signs or symptoms of concern such as forgetfulness. Research is clear that early diagnosis of dementia is important for management and the preservation of existing brain function. It is often a critical step for families to begin long term planning early before a crisis occurs. Families should begin by initiating conversation with their parent’s primary care physician and seeking out experts in the geriatric fields if needed.

2)      Providing more Oversight and Supervision: As adult children it is often difficult to shift the role from child to caregiver of a parent. Issues of privacy, independence and past family dynamics can make it hard to navigate the role. However, most adult children report that they waited too long to intervene before a “crisis “occurred.  Seniors with early stage symptoms of dementia can be vulnerable to financial exploitation through mail fraud or exposure to “friends” who financially, physically or emotional abuse them.

Communities have begun to pull together to identify seniors at risk for abuses including training programs for bankers to recognize potential cases of exploitation by observing and recording behaviors that are unusual. Also, training programs have begun in some communities to educate employees who work in restaurants, beauty shops and libraries where seniors tend to visit. The programs are designed to identify vulnerable and at risk seniors. The more educated eyes in the community and in the family the more likely abuses will be caught early.

3)      Preparation of Legal Documents: It is important to make sure that legal documents are in order. Seniors should have a power of attorney for health care and finances in place. This will assist adult children in surrogate decision making when needed. There are many attorneys in the area that specialize in senior care that can assist with long term care planning.

4)      Meet as a Family: Family tension and discord tends to reach its peak under periods of stress. Ideally, families should meet with parents to talk about long term care planning including healthcare issues, executing a living will, financial decisions, relocation to assisted care etc. A family that is cohesive and fully educated about observed decline in a parent tends to make the best decisions.

5)      Educate Yourself about Senior Services: Prior to the crisis, educate yourself as a family about services available in your community. There are many agencies that provide medical and non-medical supportive services in the home, adult day care programs, senior centers, assisted living, dementia care specialty centers and long term care nursing homes. It is recommended that you tour facilities and programs with specific questions to make decisions regarding current and future services that may be needed.

6)      Caregiver Support: Reach out for support. Take care of yourself with good nutrition, exercise, support groups or friends who can provide you respite. Caring for somebody with dementia should be viewed as a marathon and not a sprint. Pace yourself.