Tim Heidecker > Quotes

“Have you ever wondered how to commit human sacrifice and destroy all the evidence while having a delicious meal all at the same time? It’s called cannibalism and all it means is eating another human being. It’s not that hard.”
― Tim Heidecker, Tim and Eric's Zone Theory: 7 Easy Steps to Achieve a Perfect Life

“So Fifty Shades of Grey is about Chri- auh the name... Christian Grey. Uhh, this was a, porn - almost a porno in my book. It was a sexy thriller, full of uhh nudity, and sex of all kinds. Dirty sex and - uhh pornographic sex... and it was uhh... hard to keep... uhh my - hard to keep calm during the movie, because it was so raunchy. And I loved it. And I give it five bags of popcorn... and five cold glasses of soda, to put between my legs. Um.. to cool down.”
― Tim Heidecker

“Picture a hot dog bun an-... and throw all the stars, the hundreds of stars that there are in the universe into a pa-... into a ba-ag and put the universe into a bag and you all of a sudden... They become a... Ahm”
― Tim Heidecker

“There's a right way to rock and a right way to roll. Just listen to your soul.”
― Tim Heidecker

“IF HE CAN'T SEE WHERE HE IS, THEN HE CAN'T TALK ABOUT WHERE HE IS”
― Tim Heidecker

“Your concerns are natural. But write down your doubts in the doubt worksheet (not provided).”
― Tim Heidecker, Tim and Eric's Zone Theory: 7 Easy Steps to Achieve a Perfect Life