Max Thompson > Quotes

“5 October 2005 The Woman wants to know why I like to stand on her lap and then rub my face against hers so hard that my lips wind up smearing across hers. Well, lady…it’s that I just finished licking my own butt, and I wanted to share. Duh.”
― Max Thompson, The Psychokitty Speaks Out: Something of Yours Will Meet a Toothy Death

“Ladies, yes you do look like a bed, and yes those do look like pillows. It doesn't matter if your nipples invert; they're comfortable, and while you are trying to sleep I am going to curl up on you and set my head on one of them. You might as well get used to that.”
― Max Thompson, The Rules: A Guide For People Owned By Cats

“Hank was not afraid, not in the least. He knew that Dusty, the cat who came before me, was waiting for him at the Bridge, and that when he got there nothing would hurt ever again. And he knew he would see the Younger Human and the People again someday, and he would see me, too. It was what he wanted; he’d been trying for a year to not let the people know he needed to go, because he knew it would hurt them terribly. But it was time; he couldn’t fake it anymore, and seeing him struggle hurt just as much as losing him would.”
― Max Thompson, Bite Me a Memoir

“It is a source of pride for a kitty to have "Must Sedate Before Exam" or "This Cat Is Psycho" scrawled across his records in bright red ink. You should be proud of your kitty for inspiring such fear, and reward him with several crunchy treats.”
― Max Thompson, The Rules: A Guide For People Owned By Cats

“There was this guy on TV Who said he was a man of faith He wore a funky collar But not like mine, or even a dog’s And he said that pets The four legged furballs That make a person’s life have meaning Don’t go to heaven Because they don’t have souls And I sat there and listened to him Wondering from where he was getting All of his information Because he got the facts all wrong Or perhaps he just didn’t understand That heaven is not heaven without everyone And the bits and pieces of bone and fur And the skin and the lips and the tongue and the heart Are just the container and not the self I do not have a soul I am the soul.”
― Max Thompson, There Once Was A Cat From Nantucket...