Clinton Kelly > Quotes

“Sometimes comfort doesn't matter. When a shoe is freakin' fabulous, it may be worth a subsequent day of misery. Soak in Epsom salts and take comfort in the fact that you're better than everyone else.”
― Clinton Kelly

“If you're wearing it to 'da club, you shouldn't be wearing it to 'da office.”
― Clinton Kelly

“Personally, I don’t mind a good cry. In fact, if I cry while chopping onions, I’ll run to the bathroom mirror and recite one of my favorite lines from Poltergeist: “Don’t you touch my babies!!!” It’s the part where the kids are being sucked into the bedroom closet for the second time and JoBeth Williams is at HER WIT’S END! It’s very dramatic.”
― Clinton Kelly, Freakin' Fabulous: How to Dress, Speak, Act, Eat, Sleep, Entertain, Decorate, and Generally Be Better Than Everyone Else

“What you think about me says more about you than it does about me.”
― Clinton Kelly, I Hate Everyone, Except You

“And one more thing: Sometimes comfort doesn’t matter. When a shoe is freakin’ fabulous, it may be worth a subsequent day of misery. Soak in Epsom salts and take comfort in the fact that you’re better than everyone else.”
― Clinton Kelly, Freakin' Fabulous: How to Dress, Speak, Act, Eat, Sleep, Entertain, Decorate, and Generally Be Better Than Everyone Else

“But, I've learned, as we all must, that adults are jerks too. At least some of them. And that's why I feel so strongly that if you have the opportunity to surround yourself with people who aren't jerks, you should not just take it, but grab it, seize it, squeeze the living hell out of it.”
― Clinton Kelly, I Hate Everyone, Except You

“The problem, as far as I can tell, is that women spend infinitely more time than men paying attention to, competing with, worrying about, everyone other than themselves.”
― Clinton Kelly, I Hate Everyone, Except You

“Every single time you set up a comparison between yourself and someone else, you lose, no one wins.”
― Clinton Kelly, I Hate Everyone, Except You

“You deserve to be happy.”
― Clinton Kelly, I Hate Everyone, Except You

“Imagine being given a life and not understanding until its ugly end that the point was to live it.”
― Clinton Kelly, I Hate Everyone, Except You

“I believe there’s a strong possibility that God exists. But I also believe there’s an equally strong possibility that God is a concept humans created because we didn’t understand things like gravity and lightning and DNA, and that we perpetuate because the thought of being one tiny speck out of billions of tiny specks on a large spherical mass orbiting a huge ball of fire, which is just one of immeasurable balls of fire out there in a pitch-black sky, is scary as fuck. And quite frankly, I don’t understand how anyone who has given the topic considerable, rational thought can be 100 percent certain either way. But that’s not important right now. What”
― Clinton Kelly, I Hate Everyone, Except You

“produced my most resonant tone: “Boarrrrr’s Head Turkey.” “OK, do it again.” A little more gusto this time. “Booooarrrrrrr’s Head Turkey!” “Again.” Maybe I wasn’t accentuating the right syllable. “Booooar’s Head TUR-key!” “Again.” “BoaRRRRR’s Head Tur-KEY.” “Again.” “BOOOOOARS Head Turrrrr-key.” “Again.” “Boarrr’s HEAD Tur-KEYYYY.” “Again.” I was stuck in a sadistic loop with this fucker. He knew I’d never get the part, but he was making me repeat this damn line over and over. I couldn’t think of any new ways to say it! I was barely intelligible at this point. It was like that scene at the end of The Miracle Worker when Anne Bancroft gets Patty Duke to say “water” but it sounds like “wwwaaaaaauuhh-waaaahhhhwuh.” I refused to be the first to quit. “BWOOORRRS HEHD TUH-TUH.” “Again.” “TURRRRRRRR GA-BWAW BWAH.” “Again.” “BUHHHH HUH TURRRR TURRRR.” “Again.” A knock at the door. His assistant, asking if he was ready for the next auditioner. “Yes, send him in. Thank you Mister . . . Kelly.” “You are . . . welcome.” I waited years for that commercial to make”
― Clinton Kelly, I Hate Everyone, Except You

“All I know is that now my little bird has nothing, except what appears to be a comfortable spot to begin his inevitable return to unconstrained atoms, some of which may float to the sky, or in my window.”
― Clinton Kelly, I Hate Everyone, Except You

“The sun, having set not too long ago, left a purplish stain on the sky.”
― Clinton Kelly, I Hate Everyone, Except You