Tim Collins > Quotes

“Today I asked Chloe to be my girlfriend,and she agreed. I sank my teeth into her neck and drank from her jugular in the library at lunchtime. She's agreed to join me as a vampire and she's moving in next week.

April Fool!”
― Tim Collins

“Today was so pointless that when I tried to write about it a moment ago, my pen ran out because it couldn't take the boredom.”
― Tim Collins, Notes from a Totally Lame Vampire: Because the Undead Have Feelings Too!

“I've glued the letter directly into my diary, as it's so staggeringly imbecilic that any attempt to summarize its contents would make my brain leak out through my ears.”
― Tim Collins, Prince of Dorkness

“Anubis – A god with a man’s body and the head of a dog or jackal.”
― Tim Collins, Diary Of Dorkius Maximus In Egypt

“What a strange god to worship. I’m sure he’s great at answering your prayers, as long as you want a stick fetching or a cat chasing away.”
― Tim Collins, Diary Of Dorkius Maximus In Egypt

“I wandered around for hours, dodging falling poo in alleyways”
― Tim Collins, Diary Of Dorkius Maximus

“The harsh wind of the Egyptian desert is even worse than the harsh wind of the Egyptian pharaoh.”
― Tim Collins, Diary Of Dorkius Maximus In Egypt

“And how does my leg feel after all that so-called treatment? Worse, of course.”
― Tim Collins, Diary Of Dorkius Maximus

“Motorcycle camping is an evolution and can take a lifetime to perfect.”
― Tim Collins, The Fundamentals of Motorcycle Camping

“Hear that, Mr. De Pfeffel Cantab or whatever your name is? That's the sound of the villa in the South of France you could have bought crumbling to dust.”
― Tim Collins, Prince of Dorkness

“I must make sure I’m not around when Dad gets that.”
― Tim Collins, Diary Of Dorkius Maximus